


Burnt Out - Zuko x OC

by CalicoJack11



Series: Burnt Out - Zuko x OC [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Adoption, Aged-Up Character(s), Airbending & Airbenders, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Bending (Avatar), Character Death, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Coming of Age, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fanfiction, Female Protagonist, Fire Nation (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Friends to Lovers, Love, Minor Character Death, Murder, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Waterbending & Waterbenders, Zuko (Avatar)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 49
Words: 206,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24604909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoJack11/pseuds/CalicoJack11
Summary: Kai is a disgraced outcast from the Earth Kingdom. Scarred and banished as a child when she wasn't ready to complete the mission that she was born and raised to fulfill.Zuko was sent on a wild goose chase masked as an opportunity to restore his honor. He's learning that this was only a guise to get him off of the throne, and it's made him question everything.But Kai and Zuko aren't kids anymore. And their paths will cross more than once, but under different circumstances as Zuko hunts the Avatar and Kai works to help Aang bring down the Fire Nation.This story is semi-canonical. I'll try to put the season and episode number at the top of every story.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Jet (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s), Jet/Katara (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) & Reader, Zuko (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s), Zuko (Avatar)/Reader
Series: Burnt Out - Zuko x OC [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959187
Comments: 327
Kudos: 607





	1. I Am A Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **If you've read any of my other stories, you'll know that there's usually tons of sex and drugs involved. This one is different. There will be a tiny bit of sex, and a little vulgarity on OC's part, but mostly just smut and slow burn. I hope you guys like it.**

**_THREE YEARS AGO_ **

A picturesque garden sat atop rolling green hills in the Southern Earth Kingdom. There were no guards around, not when Kai and her father, General Fong, were visiting the Beifong Estate. Kai and Toph always took advantage of the moments when they could truly be alone. They were the only friends each other was allowed.

Kai and Toph stood hidden between tall hedges in the garden labyrinth. No shoes, like always. The tips of their fingers touching just enough for Toph to understand the basics.

_"Now, part your legs like this."_ Kai kicked Toph's bare feet further apart, guiding her into a more stable stance by pushing down on her shoulders gently, _"Good! That's perfect form, Toph. Remember what I told you? You have to feel the strength of the earth within you. You_ ** _are_** _the soil beneath your feet."_

Kai unfolded Toph's small, child sized fingers and continued, _"Take a deep breath and —"_

Without further instruction Toph shifted her palm upward and the ground beneath it uprooted in time. She could feel it, it sent a supersonic flash of blue vision through her toes and to her mind's eye. She could see _._ She could **_see_**!

Toph's stance broke as the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile, _"I did it! I actually did it!"_

Kai hugged her tight, far too tight for any other nine year old. But not Toph, Kai knew that she was strong. She'd known from the moment they'd met just years ago, when her training had just become more grueling

Her training. _That_ was why Kai and her father were there. Though the Beifong's weren't of political standpoint, they were the most influential family in the Southern Earth Kingdom. With influence came money, money that General Fong desperately needed for his secret project. Toph's family provided that much needed income, they figured it was for the greater good of all their people.

Kai pulled away from Toph with a proud grin on her face, though she couldn't tell, _"You could see,_ _couldn't you?!"_

The small girl nodded excitedly with the hint of tears in her blue-grey eyes.

_"I knew there was a way! After I ran into those badgermoles, I knew we could figure it out!"_ The two girls collapsed onto the ground, embracing the cool grass. Kai had been secretly training Toph for months behind her parents' backs. And while Toph had learned quickly how to move small rocks, this was the first big progress she'd made.

Toph could still feel the small vibrations. As if now that she'd experienced it, it was there to stay. Her new sight was a permanent part of her.

_"I think you'll do better with rock. A real solid surface, like the kind at the bottom of the hills. The vibrations will be stronger down there."_

The smile faded from Toph's face, _"Yeah, like that'll ever happen.. you know they don't let me leave these walls."_

Kai shrugged, _"It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, y'know?"_

Toph repeated the same move over and over again until she'd mastered it. Little guidance was needed from Kai, not now that Toph could see for herself what she was doing. Tall mounds of dirt and rock erected from the grounds beside them as they giggled out of excitement. Kai was just about to challenge the girl, toss a pebble at her to see if she would know it was coming when Toph's expression changed dramatically.

_"Someone is coming, I can see -- er, feel them."_ Kai sucked in her breath and shifted all the mounds back into the earth, they stomped on the grass atop them with hopes that the guards wouldn't notice.

Two tall men approached them in full military wardrobe, hands held professionally behind their backs as they looked down at the two little girls. One of which they knew was perfectly capable of killing them where they stood, if she so chose.

The one on the left spoke, _"General Fong requests your presence."_

Nothing more, nothing less. All of the soldiers under her father had been trained not to interact with the girl. Say as little as possible, don't look her in the eyes for too long, don't show disrespect but also not fear. And for god's sake, don't touch her. She cast a disappointed look at Toph, they were always sad when their training sessions came to an end. But Toph nodded her off, knowing that she held a greater purpose than training a blind little girl that was probably doomed from the start.

Kai followed the guards back up to the house. She admired their uniforms, wondering if she'd ever be allowed to dress like a _true_ Earth Kingdom soldier. They led her through the doors to the dimly lit chamber. Hues of green and beige, she'd never liked those colors very much. In the center of the room was a square table, low to the ground with one person sitting on each side. General Fong, Lao Beifong, Grand Secretarian Long Feng , and Poppy Beifong, in that order. Long Feng chose not to speak of the war within the walls of Ba Sing Se, but she'd never met him inside those constraints. And here -- here, he wanted to know what her father had spent the past fourteen years working so hard on.

The guards closed the double doors behind her and she stood with her head bowed, like she'd been trained.

_"At ease, girl."_ Her father's voice boomed. Though he was deafeningly loud, she could hear the happiness in his voice. This allowed her to relax a tad, as her father never sounded anything but on edge.

She stood in front of them as they sipped their tea, resuming their conversation as if she wasn't even there. It wouldn't have been so bad had the conversation not been about her.

_"She's been training for nearly fourteen years. If we're going to use her, it needs to happen soon. The Fire Nation is advancing, you saw what they did to the Southern Water Tribe just two years ago. We should have deployed her then!"_ Long Feng grew frustrated. He didn't want his city of nirvana compromised, not in any way at all.

_"Yes, my family and I need to know what our fortune is funding. We haven't even seen this girl perform."_

_Perform_ , like she was a dancing bear in the circus and these were paying patrons. She cocked an eyebrow at them but quickly reeled in her attitude. Kai was by no means cocky, but she knew the strength of her power. And she knew that if these people witnessed an ounce of it, they'd be in awe.

_"Of course, of course! Grand Secretarian, you have been nothing but supportive of this mission for over a decade -- since before Kai even came to be. Mr. and Mrs. Beifong, the two of you deserve to know what your gold is going toward."_ Her father, who had never really been a father to her at all, turned his attention toward her for the first time, _"Kai, demonstrate."_

She huffed at the order and looked around the room, knowing that by "demonstrate" he also meant "but don't tear this place apart". A stone staircase caught her eye. She didn't know where it led, it didn't matter. Her hand lifted from behind her back and nimble fingers rested face down in front of her. They moved quickly one after the other, like she was playing a piano. And in someways, she was. Each step moved down and back up with the motion of each digit, so quickly that it looked as if that's what they were made to do.

Poppy squealed with delight, she loved a good show. Lao nodded approvingly. But Long Feng.. he sat down his teacup and crossed his arms, glaring at her with an unamused scowl on his face.

_"Cute. But can she fight? Serenading the Fire Lord isn't going to help us in the slightest."_

_"Of course she can!"_ General Fong snapped, clearing his throat immediately after, _"She is the best fighter this kingdom has ever seen. I've made sure of it, your honor."_

_"She is a child, not even of marrying age. I highly doubt she is skilled enough to --"_ Feng abruptly stopped speaking, feeling his hat wisp right off if his head and watching it land over top his teacup.

All eyes moved toward Kai, they watched the small rock bullets hover menacingly above her fingertips. It was a move even her father had never seen before.

_"I am. There's not a single soldier you could send on this mission and expect them to come out alive."_ A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as the Long Feng picked up his hat, inspecting the tiny bullet-sized hole right in the center of the earth emblem, _"But if you'd like to continue this war, if you'd like to sacrifice the lives of a thousand more men -- be my guest."_

Her father's cheeks blushed bright red with embarrassment. He thought of all the ways he would punish her later, in the confines of her bunker where no one could hear her wail. But those sadistic thoughts faded into the deepest crevices of his mind as The Grand Secretarian shifted his gaze up at the general and nodded with approval.

_"Fantastic. She leaves at dawn."_

Kai's cocky smile dropped down as her lips parted, her eyes growing wider with surprise, _"Wait, dawn?"_

Her father ignored her, _"Thank you, Grand Secretarian. And thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Beifong. You will not be disappointed."_

He stood up before Kai could properly object, grabbing her by the bicep and pulling her out of the estate along with him. Toph watched from the hedges as her only friend loaded into the cab of an ostrich-horse drawn carriage.

* * *

Kai sat at one end of a long dinner table opposite her father. The army was celebrating. On either side of them sat soldiers, tall and strong. Most were drunk and biting into turkey legs like medieval knights that'd just come home from war. They were laughing, shoving, and stuffing their faces full while Kai stared down the table at her father. Her plate hadn't been touched, she couldn't bare to eat.

She'd known this day would come but had no idea it would be this soon. What would they do? Pack her an overnight bag and map and send her on her way? Escort her there via golden chariot? All she'd been trained to do was fight, nothing more.

Fong clanked a metal fork against his golden chalice, requesting the attention of everyone in the room, _"Men.. tomorrow marks the beginning of the end for the Fire Kingdom. It has been a long time coming, but it is far overdue."_

The soldiers cheered, banging their fists and steins against the wooden table before quieting down once again.

_"I know what people say behind my back, that my methods are unconventional.. but I also know that it is only fair to give credit where credit is due. And all of this, our impending victory, it is all thanks to our secret weapon. My daughter, Kai."_ He raised his cup and the cheering and banging and migraine inducing praise resumed.

_"Kai, please -- stand, give a few words."_

This was the first time that her father had given her the permission to speak freely and suddenly her mouth felt so dry. She pushed her chair back as the crowd waited, hearing it screech against the floor as she stood slowly.

_"I... I, um.."_ What was she to say? Most of these men hadn't even known she existed until now. And while they were ecstatic, she was feeling so small. Not just because of their presence, but because of the literal weight of the world that had suddenly been dropped onto her shoulders.

_"Tomorrow I will... I will--"_ She choked on her words until finally only the wrong ones spilled out, _"Not go."_

The cheering resumed for only a second, until everyone realized what she'd actually said. And when they did, she'd never heard a room so quiet. Her father's eyes filled with anger, embarrassment. He stood from his chair opposite her, _"What was that, girl?"_

_"I can't."_ Her lip quivered as she spoke fast, _"I'm not ready, I just need more time! Maybe by the end of summer, or just--"_

_"Stop this nonsense!"_ Fong spat, _"You've had plenty of time, your whole_ ** _pathetic_** _life. You're going, that's final. Now, you can either agree to that statement or you can be sent out tonight."_

Kai didn't know what to say, she's always known that her father wasn't fond of her.. but she'd thought that was a part of her training. To not encourage attachment to anyone or anything.

_"Tongue tied now, are you? I think I know what the issue here is."_

Fong pushed his chair back and it broke into a pile of wooden shards against the stone wall. He marched toward her, pumping his fist into the air, _"How about a late night duel, men?!"_

They cheered and mimicked his actions, bending their wooden chairs out from under them and against the walls. Kai's father grabbed her from her spot at the end of the table, tripping her over her seat in the process. She lost her footing but he didn't care, he was consumed by the madness of an embarrassed ego and dragged her through the banquet hall doors into the courtyard.

They were surrounded by sand colored mountains, no grass grew here. The soldiers followed the two of them outside, drunk and ready to watch the show. General Fong tossed Kai to the ground, backing up from her and taking a fighter's stance.

_"On your feet, girl! It's time to prove yourself, show your worth!"_

Tears began to sting her eyes as she looked up from the ground at this man. A rock the size of his fist came flying toward her and she blocked it easily.

_"Stop, dad!"_ She hurried to wipe the tears from her face.

_"You will refer to me as 'General'!"_ He yelled while bringing the earth below her up ten feet into the air and then abruptly back down, knocking the breath out of her lungs.

His strikes were relentless, but Kai didn't strike back. She blocked the boulders and shots that he threw at her with ease but couldn't bring herself to hurt the man that gave her life. General Fong grew angrier as the duel went on and his soldiers began to lose faith in his advertised "perfect assassin".

_"Fight back, you coward! You were not trained to back down, you were not raised to surrender!"_ He screamed, the veins in his neck and temples throbbing. His thick, rough hands shook as he bended a boulder from across the courtyard, shifting it directly toward her.

Kai'd had enough. She stopped the boulder in its track, directing it up into the air a hundred feet and dropping it from directly above the general's head. His soldiers gasped, holding their breath as they waited for Fong to take his last. But it never came -- Fong realized that he was still alive a few moments later and peeked open his clenched shut eyes. Just above him hovered the boulder, she'd stopped it just shy of crushing him.

Kai tossed the boulder aside and pleaded to her father with her eyes, speaking firmly, _"I. am. a. child."_

Fong clasped his hands behind his back, he knew this match was over, _"You were bred, born and trained from birth to fulfill this mission, my child. If you aren't confident in your abilities by now, you never will be."_

It was a lie, Kai knew it was a lie. But to him, it was the truth.

_"And if you aren't willing to fulfill your destiny, you have no place in my presence or the presence of such capable warriors."_

_"Dad, please--"_

_"Men,"_ Fong stood his ground and extended one hand, a stone half the size of a baseball hovering above it, _"Ready your stones."_

Kai turned to run and felt the first rock hit her spine, knocking her to the ground. And then the second making contact with her shoulder blade. She could sense them coming, and she probably could've stopped them. But she'd never felt so defeated in her entire life. The stones pounded her flesh and fresh blood soaked her dark clothing.

When the soldiers were done having their barbaric fun, they retreated back into the banquet hall. Kai could hear their partying for quite some time. She considered going back in there and showing them the true meaning of karma, but she couldn't move. Her body was rejecting any command to move that her mind sent it. And after hours of bleeding onto the courtyard ground, General Fong, her father, stood just above her head.

He dropped a satchel at her side, _"There's some bread, don't eat it all in one day."_

She thought he was simply going to walk away, that would've been the honorable thing to do. But to her father, Kai no longer deserved honor. She'd deserted all honor when she waisted fourteen years of people's time and his perfect planning. But no, he stopped halfway down her body and kicked her in the back. Breaking open one of the uglier wounds that had just began to clot. She could feel the warm blood rushing down her side again.

_"Now, get out. Don't come back."_

Fong left her on the ground and after some time, Kai managed to pull herself to her feet. She drug her heavy body out of the valley, away from the only home she'd ever know.


	2. Lukewarm

**_Three years later, present time._ **

_Season 2, Episodes 6 & 7_

_"Don't worry, we'll find you a teacher. There are plenty of amazing earthbenders out there."_ Katara's reassurance fell on deaf ears.

_"Not like her.."_ Aang sulked, but was soon interrupted by the sound of heavy panting coming up the hill. He looked past Appa to see his new friend sprinting toward them, _"Toph! What are you doing here??"_

_"My dad changed his mind, he said I was free to travel the world!"_

The trio eyed Toph suspiciously, knowing deep down that she was lying. But this was their only chance, and this was her only chance at freedom.Sokka spoke as he climbed up the bison's fur, _"Well we better hurry up before your dad changes his mind again."_

_"I think that's a good idea, but.. there's one condition."_

_"Anything, you name it!"_ Aang responded.

_"I'm a great earth bender, but I know of a better one. She taught me how to see and showed me real earth bending moves when my teacher refused. I wouldn't be able to train you if it weren't for her. We have to find her."_

Sokka shrugged, _"Sounds good, now hurry up!"_

Toph climbed up Appa's side and sat in the oversized saddle with her friends, leaning back and taking in the first ounce of real freedom she'd ever felt.

_"Where to then, Captain?"_

Toph's sightless eyes popped open as she realized that she had no earthly idea where Kai was. There'd been no mention of her in the Beifong household since that evening, when she'd watched her be dragged to the cart by her father.

_"Er, somewhere in our kingdom, I think.."_

* * *

Prince Zuko rode into the small, dusty town on the back of the stolen ostrich horse. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing, all he knew as that he was starving. He could feel his stomach trying to feed on itself from the inside.

He stopped at the trading post stand with little to give the girl on the other side, _"Can I get some water, a bag of feed, and something hot to eat?"_

Zuko dropped two coins on the counter in front of the stranger, who looked back at him with a lack of any emotion at all, _"Not enough here for a hot meal. I can get you two bags of feed."_

He nodded and the girl left to retrieve the items. Zuko's attention shifted from the gambling soldiers behind him to the hushed sound of schoolboy laughter, it came from beside the trading post. He saw a boy of about ten years old and his friend, both earth kingdom children. They tossed an egg at the soldiers and apparently their aim was expertise. It cracked against one of their skulls and they started off.

_"Hey! You throwing eggs at us, stranger?"_

Zuko could feel their footsteps getting closer, _"No."_

_"You see who **did** throw it?"_

He turned on his heel to face them and repeated himself sternly, _"No."_

The soldier in the center, the one with a skull covered in yolk grasped his mallet, _"That your favorite word, 'No'? It had to come from somewhere."_

They exchanged something that Zuko wouldn't personally consider "niceties" and the group of bullies reached for his bags of feed before he'd even had the chance to touch them.

_"Thanks for your contribution, the army appreciates your support—"_ His hands fell short of the bags. The girl opposite the counter had grabbed them and was holding them just out of reach.

_"I don't think so, Gow."_ Zuko looked over his shoulder at the girl. Actually looked at her, for the first time, and was surprised to realize that she was around his age. She held the same expression as when he asked for so much and offered so little, the expression of nothing.

The soldier gritted his teeth and held out his meaty hand, _"Hand them here, girl."_

His frustration though, that seemed to excite her. The corner of her mouth lifted into a smirk and her free hand raised a single finger. It seemed as if that finger had a string attached to it. When it moved, so did a fist sized rock from behind the counter.

_"How about we play Rock, Paper, Sword for them? You remember who usually wins that game, right?"_ Her smirk widened into a full blown grin. Her pearly white teeth perfectly complimented her sun-kissed skin and jade colored eyes.

The soldier huffed, dropping his clenched fist to his side and turned his back on the pair, _"You better leave town. Penalty for staying's a lot steeper than you can afford, stranger."_

She rounded the counter and helped Zuko tie the bags to his saddle, _"Thanks for not ratting him out. I'm trying to teach him obedience, but.."_

The child peeked out from over the animal's back. Wild hair and no front teeth, this kid was nothing like Zuko was at his age. She knew him, maybe she was his sister. Zuko didn't respond, he mounted the animal and nudged it with his foot, but it didn't make a move.

The girl was looking up at him from beside the ostrich horse's neck, holding onto its reigns so it knew to stay put, _"I've got to show this one home. I'm sure his parents would be happy to serve you dinner."_

Zuko didn't want to agree, but his screaming belly wouldn't allow him to protest.

_"Come on, they owe you."_

He was soon being led through a clearing between pig sties. Cow pigs, that is. And pig sheep, and pig roosters, and various other pig-like creatures. The girl, whose name he still didn't know, disappeared into the small home and soon two adults came out. They didn't mention her and she didn't reappear.

He'd barely tuned into the conversation being had in front of him in time to respond. A family stood there, a family of three that was lacking one more. Their oldest son who was off at war. They expressed their gratitude toward Zuko for sticking up for their youngest.

The boy's mother spoke, _"Supper's going to be ready soon. Would you like to stay?"_

He wanted to. Good lord, how he wanted to sleep on something other than a dirt floor, _"I can't. I should be moving on."_

Call it "mother's intuition", but the woman could tell that his heart said something different than what his mouth spoke. She offered him work and he agreed, climbing up onto the roof along with her husband. Zuko hammered away at the barn shingles while the child berated him with questions.

"Where are you from?" and "where are you going?", but Zuko wasn't giving many answers. He looked down through the damaged roof and into the lofted building. Above the hay and feed was a small, makeshift room. Essentials, mostly. A bed, chest of drawers and oil lamp. And then footsteps — barely noticeable unless you were paying attention, and he was. Zuko watched the girl from above as she entered the loft and unbuttoned her dress, sliding it off her shoulders. He almost turned away, having just noticed the discolored marks on her back when—

_"So how'd you get that scar?"_

The boy's words interrupted Zuko's voyeurism and the hammer met his thumb with little forgiveness. The father scolded his son, _"It's not nice to bother people about things they might not want to talk about. The man's past is his business. You don't ask Kai about her scars, do you, Lee?"_

The child huffed and climbed down the ladder. Zuko slipped another peak through the hole in the ceiling and his gaze immediately met the girl's. Kai was her name, he'd just learned. He cast his eyes quickly away from hers and pretended he hadn't been admiring her. 

That was it, not spying. Admiring from afar, like a bird watcher in the midst of spring. Zuko was no creep, he had respect for most women. But he was also a teenager that'd been thrust into the world on his own before any meaningful.. interactions. Aside from sneaking small kisses with Mai behind closed doors.

**

Dinner was awkward for Zuko. It made him uncomfortable, being around a seemingly happy family. He didn't know what the girl, Kai, had told them. If she'd told them anything at all. She wasn't here anyways, Zuko hadn't seen her since the barn. He slurped down his noodles as quietly as possible. They weren't delicious, definitely not Fire Kingdom quality, but they were better than the rotten food he'd been settling for recently.

_"Where's Kai?"_ The young boy whined with a mouthful.

His father pursed his lips, readying himself to deliver the bad news, _"We knew she wouldn't stay long, Lee. She told us that. I believe she's gone, at least for the night. I saw her packing a bag when we were working on the barn."_

Zuko felt a thin veil of disappointment fall over him, but he didn't know why. He thought maybe he just missed being around someone his own age, someone besides his tea loving Uncle.

_"I wish she would've said goodbye.."_ The mother said, _"Well, you can take her cot for the night then. The linens should still be fresh."_

They finished their meal without much else being said. Lee ran off to finish his chores and the adults gathered the dishes, cleaning off their table made of stone.

_"There's a hot spring, if you'd like to clean up. It's a ten minute walk through the clearing behind the house, take an oil lamp with you."_

Zuko felt so grateful for these strangers. They'd given him so much and for close to nothing in return. He followed the path that the woman had pointed out to him. The woods around him were dense and he could hear hidden creatures making noises through the trees. The sun was beginning to set, allowing hues of orange and pink to illuminate the sky above. A ten minute walk, that's all it took before he reached the small clearing.

But he wasn't the only one there. Kai sat in the deep spring, leaned back against its edge with just her bare shoulders showing above the milky blue water.

Zuko considered dipping behind a tree, but that would be hard to explain if he were caught. Besides, he was too confused to move at all. The girl before him, the one he knew to be an earth bender, was threading a long strand of water through her fingertips while humming slowly. The water moved like a snake, slithering against her skin. Zuko knew she was the one controlling it.

_"I thought you were an earth bender?"_

Kai was not startled by his presence, she'd felt him coming as soon as he entered the trailhead. And his harsh tone didn't break her concentration at all, _"Mhm."_

She resumed humming her song. For a moment Zuko considered the possibility that there may be two avatars, that the world may have tried to reset itself during Aang's absence. Or maybe there were dual benders that could manipulate two elements.

_"It's mineral water. The sediment from these mountains make their home in this spring. I'm earth bending, the water is only clinging to the minerals. Probably from fear of abandonment."_

Kai dropped the water and finally cast her gaze up at Zuko. He couldn't get over how bright her eyes were. He'd never seen anyone with a color quite like it, light green with sparse speckles of amber inside of them.

_"They said you'd left."_ His eyes trailed from hers down to her shoulder. There was another scar there, just above her collarbone. It was mostly faded, but Zuko had spent so much time staring at his own scar that he could now notice one from a mile away.

_"I did. I just needed to recharge before starting my journey. You can join me if you'd like."_

Zuko was taken aback by her statement. He didn't know her, she didn't know him — yet she was still offering to share her precious mineral water with a stranger.

_"I.. I shouldn't. You're—"_

_"Not naked, I promise."_ Kai lifted herself up a few inches to reveal the sand colored bandeau across her chest before lowering herself back in, _"Besides, this is supposed to be a hot spring. As of right now it's only feeling slightly above lukewarm."_

Zuko's brow furrowed in confusion but before he could ask what she was getting at, Kai continued. She summoned a small rock from the outskirts of the clearing and a ball of water the same size from the spring. Juggling the two with the slightest flick of her fingers, as if it took barely any thought at all.

_"I showed you my powers, now you show me yours."_


	3. Dual Swords

With a simple point of his fingers Zuko lit the two oil lanterns ablaze. He sucked in a deep breath of air and dipped under the water, exhaling slowly. As the bubbles rose to the surface, Kai could feel the lukewarm water steadily heating up.

Up popped Zuko's head, he wiped the water from his face and lay back against the rock siding. He couldn't deny it, this was nice.

_"How did you know?"_ He asked with his eyes still closed.

_"You didn't get that scar from an earth bender. I could only assume."_

Zuko cut his eyes at the cocky girl. She wasn't making fun of him, but how was he to know the difference? All he'd known since being banished by his father was rejection. Most people took one look at his face and assumed the worst.

_"Yeah, well you didn't get yours from a fire bender. That much is obvious."_

Kai smiled at his response and in that moment she reminded him of his uncle. It was a simple smile of infinite wisdom, he could tell that her mind was much older than her physical age. 

_"Where are you traveling to?"_ He asked while tuning down his aggressive tone.

She shrugged, _"I'm not sure. Wherever I end up, I guess."_

_"Must be nice."_ Zuko found himself feeling jealous of Kai, how she seemed to have so much freedom, _"Having nowhere to be and nothing important on your plate."_

But that wasn't true. Kai glared at Zuko through the steam that had started to rise above the water. She had somewhere to be, she just didn't know where that place was yet. And she had loads on her plate, tons of wrongs to make right, she just didn't know how.

_"How **did** you get those scars, if you don't mind me asking?"_ Zuko asked. Her marks weren't as dark or obvious as his, but there were so. many. He wanted to ask what she'd done to deserve them too, but then he'd have to fess up about his own. And he could lie, but something told him that her jade colored eyes would see right through to the truth.

_"It's not nice to bother people about things they might not want to talk about. A woman's past is her business."_

Kai recited the words that she'd heard her host say to his son earlier in the evening, when she'd caught Zuko spying on her as she got undressed. His cheeks blushed pink when he realized that he really had been caught in the act. She laughed and continued, _"Let's just say the last time I saw my father, he was pretty pissed."_

_"Pissed enough to nearly stone his daughter to death?"_

She didn't answer this time, not wanting to reveal too much about who she was — or atleast who she used to be. Those words were true, that a person's past was their own business. Theirs and no one else's.

_"Can I see them?"_

The words escaped his lips quietly. It was an uncharacteristic trait of Zuko, to ask someone for such intimate access to them. He'd never allow a stranger to touch his scar. But that was exactly why he wanted to get a better look, he wanted to see up close how people viewed him daily. Kai nodded and pulled her loose, damp braid over her shoulder. She crossed the hot spring, growing closer to Zuko as he remained sitting against the far edge. When she got as close as she thought necessary, she stood up. Completely this time, revealing every baseball sized scar that littered her flesh. 

Not every rock that she'd felt hail down on her that night had left a mark. Seven or so, the worst of them coming from the foot of her father as he kicked her while she was already down. Zuko felt a slow building sort of rage deep in the pit of his stomach as he counted them, it grew hotter the higher that number got. He reached out and stroked the darkest one. The others would likely fade over time, but not that one. It was right on the small of Kai's back, she winced when she felt his fingertips.

_"That one still hurts?"_ Zuko reeled his fingers back in.

_"Steel toed boots aren't very forgiving."_ Kai lied, her scars rarely ever hurt anymore. She hadn't winced from pain, she'd winced from the surprise of being touched by someone that wasn't trying to hurt or take advantage of her for once, _"You can touch them, it's not that bad."_

Zuko reached his hand back out and grazed the one on her shoulder blade. He wanted to ask this stranger so many questions; how she ended up here, where she was from, and how she seemingly managed to navigate this world so well all by herself.

_"What's your name?"_

Zuko was so lost in his thoughts when he heard her question that he didn't think about the answer, he responded truthfully, _"Zuko."_

His fingers stopped as he quickly realized he'd fucked up, now all he could do was pray that she didn't recognize his name from the Wanted posters. At the same time, Kai's breathing halted. She didn't only recognize his name, she could never forget it. Flashbacks ran through her mind of her old lessons on the Fire Kingdom.

_Ojai, Zuko, Ursa, Azula. In that order, if you can manage it._

She’d never been able to put a face on the Fire Lord's son until now, now that his hand was rested on her back and she was only inches from him. This was the moment that her father had planned for her since the moment she was conceived. She breathed again, steadily so as to not let on that she already knew everything about him.

" _Zuko.. you know what your name means?"_

He pulled his hand back under the water abruptly, feeling his palms getting hot and fearing he would singe her, _"Yeah, it means "failure"."_

_"Maybe in some cultures,"_ Kai dipped under the water for a moment, feeling like she needed to wash herself clean of his fingerprints, and popped back up facing him, _"It also means "loved one". Did your father give you your scar, too?"_

He nodded and she continued, _"I feel like you think we're very different, Zuko. But we aren't."_

Her mind flipped through the Rolodex of information that she'd been brainwashed with about him. One that'd always intrigued her was their birthdays — hers being May 5th and his April 5th. Only one month apart and at the exact same time, midnight. Little did Kai know, their banishment had also happened simultaneously.

Kai's hand emerged from the milky blue waters and started toward him, drawn to one of the things that made them the same. Zuko grabbed it midair, stopping her from coming any closer.

But there was something inside of him, something that wanted her closer than he'd ever allowed anyone else. Her eyes shifted from her hand that was almost being crushed by his, focusing on his eyes as she watched them soften. Zuko's grip loosened and he began to guide her fingers to the left side of his face. When she touched him it was like static electricity. They both felt it, Zuko closed his eyes to not let her see the weakness in them.

Kai could've made her father infinitely proud in that moment. How easy it would've been to just make that watering hole close, the ground would swallowing him right up. That's what she'd been trained to do, anyways. But she didn't want to hurt the boy in front of her. Boy, because he still seemed to be finding his way.

_"I think I left something back at the hay loft."_

Zuko's eyes opened slowly, _"I'll escort you there."_

* * *

Kai walked just ahead of Zuko down the dark path in the woods, their oil lamps lighting the way. He took note of how she wasn't dressed the way she had been in town. She'd traded in her dress and robe for a pair of fitted black trousers and boots, a black long sleeved top and dark satchel. If she didn't have her lantern he was sure she would've melted into the darkness of the night.

They climbed up the stairs in the barn and Kai set the lamp down on the drawer. She hadn't been here long, but it'd been a good home to her. These hosts had taken her in with no questions about her past at all, she was grateful for that.

_"They were upset that you didn't say goodbye."_

Kai's lips pursed and she nodded her head, she was also upset about it, _"It's better this way. Saying goodbye just makes things more difficult."_

If that were true then maybe that was why Zuko was missing his Uncle Iroh so badly. He'd never felt more alone in his life than he did since leaving him.

Kai peeked up at the roof, _"I see you guys fixed the skylight I made."_ She shifted her gaze toward Zuko and her pursed lips turned into a comedic smile. He scratched the nape of his neck and responded, _"Look, I wasn't spying on you, okay? I saw your scars and I was..."_

Zuko stumbled to find the right words, _"... I was curious."_

_"Of course you were."_ She dropped her satchel and fell back on the bed, staring up at the discolored wood, _"I'm gonna keep telling myself you were spying on me, though. It's more flattering."_

Zuko sat down on the mattress pad beside her. It warm and soft, so inviting. She was so inviting. It made him nervous, being around someone that wasn't afraid to wander into the future blindfolded. It also made him nervous that she had planned on traveling through this kingdom in the middle of the night, alone.

_"You can stay, you know? It might be dangerous for you to start your journey this late in the evening."_ Before she responded Zuko heard her boots fall from her feet and onto the floor. He peeked off the edge of the bed and confirmed what he'd suspected.

Soon they were lying in the same bed, under the same thin sheet. Kai faced the cold barn wall and Zuko lay the opposite direction. He was trying his best not to let his back touch hers but it was inevitable in a bed this small. Kai was teetering on the edge of sleep when she felt him turn around. There was no piece of exposed flesh on her body for him to feel, but he'd noticed her soft shivering. It's what was keeping her just on the edge of consciousness and a world of vivid dreams. Zuko kept his distance and closed his eyes, inhaling slowly and exhaling hot air, warming the lofted bedroom. Kai felt herself falling further, caught herself finding this boy that she was born to kill more human than maybe she herself was.

* * *

A few hours passed. Zuko was barely asleep, dreaming of the day he learned that his cousin Lu Tin had been killed during battle. The sound of the barn door creaking open and the swords that he'd left downstairs clanking against each other woke him easily. Zuko could tell that Lee was trying to be quiet, but he was doing a terrible job.

Zuko crawled out of bed gently, trying his best not to wake Kai. He climbed down the stairs and followed the boy through the open field.

_"You're holding them all wrong._ " His voice scared the child. Lee fell over and re-emerged with a sunflower sitting on top of his head. He offered Zuko back his weapons, ashamed and embarrassed of taking them.

_"Keep in mind, these are dual swords."_ Zuko demonstrates a few moves while explaining that the weapons are two different halves of the same whole. He couldn’t help but to think of the girl in the loft, the weapons reminded him of the two of them. How they were seemingly two branches trimmed from the same tree, alike in so many ways.

When the boy was done playing they walked back up the path together. Lee told Zuko of how much he reminded him of his brother Sen Su and Zuko pointed him back toward the house before sneaking back into the barn.

He creeped up the stairs, careful as to not step on any loose boards. There was a part of him that was excited to have someone to crawl into bed with, even if it was just for the night. He thought for a moment that maybe wanting to be alone all of the time wasn't the right choice anymore. That he should try to open up to his Uncle when he returned to him.

Zuko reached the top of the stairs and stopped. The bed was empty. Kai's shoes and bags were gone.

And he cursed himself for not expecting it. After all, it was better this way. Saying goodbye just makes things more difficult.


	4. Pretty Little Thing

_Season 2, Episode 9_

  
Kai sat up high in the tree line, her back resting against the bark as she bit into a ripe red apple. She was taking a break from traveling. After all, it'd been well over a week since she'd left the warm confines of the barn loft walls. She tried not to think about that night, pushed the memory of it to the very back of her mind as she read a book.

She could still see the scene in front of her though. The room that she'd left dark and empty for Zuko to find when he got back. She kept telling herself that it was better that way, sneaking off into the night. Believing that if she hadn't left by morning she might've not left at all, and neither would he. They both had different missions to complete and couldn't let minuscule things like loneliness slow them down.

Her reading was interrupted though, Kai could hear a voice coming from a nearby canyon. She stuck her book back in her satchel and swung on the limb, nimbly landing on another nearby — and then another, and another. Over and over until she reached the wood line. There it was, a ponytail sticking up out of the dry ground.

 _"I admit it, you're cute."_ Sokka was stuck up right in a crevice with his clever prey sitting on top of his head. The adorable baby moose lion licked its paws, _"Okay, you've convinced me. If I get out of this alive, it's a comically correct vegetarian existence for me. No meat!"_

The group had finally decided to take a break. Between running from Zuko and fighting Azula, looking for Kai and constantly searching for their next meal, they were all beat. And Aang needed to train, he had to get the hang of earth bending soon if he wanted to stand a chance against the Fire Lord.

Kai giggled as she watched the boy from afar, hopping down from the tree. She made a low whistle that only the baby moose lion heard, it hopped off of Sokka's head and dashed over toward her, out of his narrow line of sight. She leaned down and scratched under his chin, handing him an apple that he took in his mouth. The adorable creature carried it over to the trapped boy and dropped it in front of him.

_"Hey, looks like my karma is already paying off!"_

Sokka struggled, unable to reach the fruit in his new stance as a lone head sticking out of the ground. Kai sighed at her failed attempt to help him without being noticed. She sighed and stepped out of the woods, walking quietly over to the new stranger. He couldn't hear her light footsteps until she stepped into his field of vision — that was one element of being the perfect assassin that'd come easiest for her.

 _"Aren't you a pretty little thing?"_ Kai said to the cub and she crouched down on one knee, stroking its ear. Sokka might've been startled had he not taken a good look at her face. Instead he took a deep breath and was ready to lay on the charm.

 _"Most women call me handsome, but thank you!"_ He said with a charismatic smile while lowering his voice.

Kai rolled her eyes and grabbed the apple from the ground, dusting it off and holding it close to Sokka's mouth, _"Eat."_

Without thinking, he took a huge bite of the mouthwatering apple in front of him. Chewing it quickly before chomping down again, unable to get enough of its sweet juices. Kai grabbed a handful of nuts out of her satchel and let her legs fall out from under her, deciding that now was as good a time as ever for a snack. When the apple was reduced to just a core Kai tossed the remains into the woods.

 _"How long ya been stuck here?"_ She asked the stranger.

 _"Long enough. Do you mind?"_ Sokka replied while continuing his pointless writhing for freedom, asking for her help.

Kai shook her head, _"No can do, friend. You're in there deep, let's just hope a flash flood or this little guy's mama doesn't come through."_ She lied, pretending she had no bending abilities under her belt, _"But until one or the other happens, I'd be happy to keep you company."_

Sokka felt his insides warming and feared he might melt further into the ground. He may die here, but at least he'd die looking at a pretty face.

 _"Introduce yourself, stranger."_ Kai said as she dropped a few sunflower seeds into his mouth. And if Sokka had been upright on his feet, he'd be puffing up his chest right about then to make himself look taller. He spoke firmly and with more pride than anyone she'd ever met, _"Sokka, warrior from the Southern Water Tribe!"_

He coughed from pressing too hard against the earth and continued, _"Nice to meet you, uh..."_ he cued for her to introduce herself as well but she didn't.

_"Southern Water Tribe, eh? Shouldn't you be at war with the rest of their fleet?"_

Sokka shifted his gaze down at the ground, _"Yeah, I should be.. I was too young to go with them when they set sail."_ He looked back up to find her listening intently, genuinely interested in what he had to say, _"But I'll find them. I'm closer and closer to my dad every day, I can just feel it!"_

 _"Your dad's fighting in the war?"_ Kai remembered when she sat in that palace made of stone in the Beifong Estate. When she heard Long Feng mention that the Southern Water Tribe had been attacked by the Fire Nation. Sokka nodded in response and she fed him another few sunflower seeds.

 _"Mine too."_ Kai had just started to feel sorry for the boy. She was considering giving up the facade and freeing him from his earthly prison when they both heard a soft panting in the distance. Kai glanced over her shoulder and Sokka looked past her.

_"Aang! Thank goodness! Do you have any meat?!"_

Aang stopped short of running into Kai, _"Sokka! Are you okay??"_ He looked over at Sokka's new friend, _"Hello! I'm Aang."_

 _"Nice to meet you, Aang."_ Once again, she avoided introducing herself at the appropriate time but continued speaking, _"Hm, I never thought that this would be how I'd meet the avatar."_

Sokka cleared his throat, _"'Scuse me, I hate to interrupt. But do you mind?"_

 _"Oh, right! I bet I could air bend you out of there!"_ Aang stood over Sokka and sent a blast of air through the crevice, effectively sending a cloud of debris in all of their faces. The trio coughed as the dust cleared, Sokka's wolf tail had been blown out of his hair that now stood as a mohawk.

_"Seriously, Aang, I know you're new at it, but I could use a little earthbending here. How about it?"_

Aang looked down at his feet, kicking the rocks that he'd stirred, _"I can't. I can't do it.."_

Kai scoffed from the sidelines, _"What? You're the avatar, of course you can earth bend!"_

Aang grew angry and his brow furrowed, _"Yeah, what would you know?!"_ She chuckled to herself at the poor boy's ignorance, knowing that he was just conflicted. He'd learn, but she felt it wasn't her place to interfere with his training.

The cub scuffled back over to them, flopping down at Aang's feet, _"Aang, this is my friend Foo Foo Cuddlypoops. Foo Foo Cuddlypoops, Aang."_ Aang picked up the animal and held it out in front of him, _"Aww, what a cute name for a little baby sabertooth mooselion cub. Where's your mama, little guy?"_

An earthquake like force shook the ground beneath them. Kai recognized the feeling. She'd been in the presence of a mama moose lion before and didn't wish to be there again.

 _"I hate to excuse myself prematurely, but I personally prefer to not die an untimely death."_ Kai backed up from the two boys and took a front row seat on the other side of the canyon. Ready to watch the show and step in only if needed.

The angry mother made her appearance. She was larger than the one Kai had met before, much larger. Aang offered her her cub, but that wasn't enough. He tried to distract the moose lion, but she'd long set her sights on Sokka. She wanted him dead. She kicked back her feet and started toward him.

Aang took his stance and waited for the right moment, blowing the moose lion over Sokka's head and into the brush in front of him. Kai breathed a sigh of relief, she didn't have to reveal herself.

But as the dust settled, Kai heard a clapping from across the canyon followed by Aang's voice, _"What are you doing here??"_

The air cleared and she could see straight ahead of her. And what she saw made her heart both pound out of her chest and drop into the pit of her stomach. Her oldest friend, her only friend. Toph. She hopped down the canyon and did her best to contain her excitement, walking softly across the cracked earth so she wouldn't be detected, hopefully her heart rate wouldn't give her away. When she got close enough, she spoke, _"Yeah, what are you doing here?"_

She stood just feet away from the group when she said it and Toph looked right at her, like she was actually seeing her. It was the first time that Aang and Sokka had witnessed their new friend shaken.

_"K.. Kai?"_

Kai held out her hand and Toph stroked it gently, feeling the same hands that had taught her to see a few years ago, she burst with excitement, _"KAI!"_

_"Toph!"_

Kai gripped the girl's hand and Toph wrapped her steel like arms around Kai's waist, squeezing her so hard she almost broke her ribs. She could hear the tears threatening Toph's voice when she spoke, _"I.. I can't believe it's you.. You were taken away, I saw them, I-"_

 _"You didn't see what happened, Toph."_ Kai pulled back and held her at arm's length, _"But we can talk about that later. Are you training the avatar??"_

 _"Yeah!"_ She smiled wide, _"Under the condition that they help me look for you!"_

Aang cut in, _"Barely! You could've helped us! Sokka was in trouble, I was in trouble!"_ Toph ignored his tantrum and dropped a walnut onto the ground, lifting up his staff to crack it. But before it could meet the ground, Aang snatched it back, _"Enough! I want my staff back!"_

Toph got in Aang's face and screamed, _"Do it now! Earthbend, twinkletoes. You just stood your ground against a crazy beast, and even more impressive, you stood your ground against me. You've got the stuff!"_

Aang looked at her in confusion but took her advice. He stomped down the canyon and shoved his fist forward, a large boulder racing into the side of the ridge.

 _"You did it! You're an earth bender!"_ Toph's excitement reminded you of how proud you'd been the first time she moved a rock. It was like watching your baby take their first steps.

Aang grinned and moved onto Sokka, freeing him from the ground. The four of them walked back toward camp, Toph and Kai in between the two boys.

_"I don't recall being that harsh on you when you were learning how to bend, Toph."_

_"That's because I didn't need it. Wonder boy here benefited from a little bit of tough love."_ She responded as they reached Katara, Momo and Appa.

 _"You found him!"_ Katara yelled as she slid down the beast's back, _"Who's this?"_

_"Katara, meet Kai."_

Kai waved to the girl who was obviously confused by her appearance. She didn't dress like she was from the Earth Kingdom. Or from any kingdom, for that matter. Nonetheless, Katara responded, _"Kai, we've heard so much about you."_

Kai smiled at her and then shifted her eyes down at her friend, _"Not anything too personal, I hope."_

Toph just shook her head. She knew of what Kai’s mission had been, just not how things had played out. Maybe she was still working on completing it. Either way, she’d be a valuable addition to their team.

Aang moved beside Katara and spoke to Kai, _"Toph says that you're the greatest earth bender in the world — even better than her and Bumi. Are you gonna teach me some cool tricks??"_

She laughed, _"I think Toph is on top of it, but I'm down to spar when you need a challenge."_ A crack of thunder boomed in the distance, _"For now, I think a storm is rolling in. We should find shelter for the night."_

* * *

The group scouted out a deep canyon cave and built a fire toward the front. As Sokka, Katara and Aang slept against Appa's fur, Toph and Kai snuck around behind him just like they used to the palace guards.

_"Where did you go?? After that day you were never mentioned again, I thought you'd never come back."_

Kai had always felt ashamed of not being able to say goodbye to her only friend, telling herself that it was better that way. From then on out, she'd never said goodbye to anyone. Not the generous families that'd taken her in, not the friends that she'd made on all of her travels, not the few boys that she'd allowed to love her over the past few years. It was always simpler to just disappear into the night, leaving them to wonder if she'd ever really existed at all.

 _"I couldn't do it, Toph."_ Kai looked at her through the small torch they'd brought with them, expecting to see the same disappointment in her face that she'd seen in her father's and all of his men, _"They told me that it was time to go and I didn't feel ready. I asked for more time and that just wasn't an option and they-"_

Kai stopped herself. Realizing that Toph too was still only a child, younger than she had been when she was cast out on her own. She didn't need to worry herself with the past, the things Kai had seemingly brought on herself.

 _"Tell me."_ Toph pleaded, _"I've waited three years, Kai. I deserve to know."_

Kai let out a sigh, unsure if what she was about to do was the right thing. She handed Toph the torch and turned around, pulling her shirt over her shoulders and taking Toph's hand. She guided it to her thickest, deepest mark.

Toph gasped, her face turning red with anger. She moved her fingers over Kai's back and felt every scar, every permanent branding, _"We can't let them get away with this! Someone has to — WE have to—"_

 _"I know. I've already thought about it."_ Kai interrupted while pulling her shirt back over her head.

 _"What are you going to do?"_ Toph hesitated to ask, knowing exactly what her friend was capable of.

She sighed, coming to terms with the only suitable form of revenge that made sense in her mind, _"I think I'm gonna kill my dad.. and the Grand Secretarian. And everyone else that had a hand in my being."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been reading so far! I really appreciate it.  
> I always hate starting new stories because it takes so long to get to the good stuff, but just know that we are getting there!  
> I’d love to hear what anyone is thinking so far, talk to me in the comments if you’d like! Criticism and suggestions are always greatly appreciated 💛💛


	5. Terrible, Terrible Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 2, Episodes 9 & 10
> 
> I'm uploading two chapters at once because these are very much filler chapters. If they seem very rushed, it's because they are. I'm trying to get to the actual story line.

Toph sucked in her breath in the dark confines of the wet cave, _"Kai, you're not like that.. you can't --"_

_"I am though, Toph."_ She snapped, _"And I can. I didn't deserve what they did to me, nobody does. You have no idea what I've went through these past few years, the things I've had to do just to stay alive.."_

Toph didn't want to think about it. She'd spent enough time as the Blind Bandit to know that their world wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. She realized that her denying Kai what she'd been born to do was just as useful as _her_ parents saying that she wasn't allowed to earth bend, it was in her blood. Scraping and scratching to get out, only this time with a different target in mind.

_"Don't tell them. Please. They seem nice, I don't want them to think I'm some murderous psychopath that's going to hold a blade to them while they sleep."_ Toph laughed at the thought and reached behind the girl's back, pulling one of her two blades out of it's sheath, _"Are you not? Look at these things! Come on, you can make stone bullets, what do you even_ ** _need_** _this for?"_

Kai pulled the sword away from her and stuck it back behind her, _"For fun, duh!"_

The girls fell back into Appa's fur, laughing like old times. Kai looked at the girl who was still a child lovingly, she'd missed her so much. Toph asked, _"Did you at least have any fun when you were out there? Did you fight any bad guys??"_

_"A few."_ She contemplated what all she would tell Toph, _"Some of the earth kingdom soldiers are real jerks, you know? I had a couple run-ins with them, but they learned their place pretty quick."_

_"What about boys?"_

Kai's mind immediately flashed to the boy with the scar on his face. She knew his name, but it felt like if she said it out loud her father would know what she'd done -- or hadn't done, really. But he'd been so kind that she didn't want to keep that meeting all to herself, _"I met one a few nights ago. He was nice."_

_"Was he.. cute?"_ Toph felt embarrassed saying the words. To the rest of the gang, she was tough and not to be messed with. But Kai knew her.

_"Mhm,"_ She felt blood warming her cheeks when she spoke, nausea bubbling up in her stomach at the same time, _"We swam in a hot spring and fell asleep in a hay loft."_ Kai left out the parts that Toph didn't need to know; the parts where that boy was the prince of the fire nation and how she'd snuck off into the woods while he was in the sunflower field.

Toph and Kai stayed up that night until their torch went out. Lulled gently to sleep by claps of thunder in the distance and the echo of rain through the cavern. The relentless drops of water showered over the southern earth kingdom that night, soaking everything in their path -- including Prince Zuko.

~

While Kai had been reuniting with an old friend and making new ones, Zuko was close by. Caring for his uncle that'd been injured in the battle with Azula that Kai had narrowly missed being a part of.

While Kai was sitting on the floor of that canyon feeding Sokka nuts and berries, Zuko had been listening to Uncle Iroh teach him about each element during his quest to master lightening bending. About how the four elements all had a play in his bending abilities. He wondered if the secretive girl he'd met on the farm knew these things, maybe that was how she'd learned to bend water -- or at least the minerals that water was in love with.

And while Kai and Toph lay next to each other, giggling like school girls and burying themselves in soft bison fur, Zuko stood atop the highest mountain he could find. He cursed at the wind and dared it to give him a fair fight. Begged the lightening to strike his direction so that he could take advantage of it and harness it's powers.

But that never happened. The lightening didn't strike and Zuko couldn't seem to figure out why he couldn't have been born more like his sister. Or the avatar. Or even Kai. 

* * *

The group now stood in front of a tall tower along with Professor Zei. It stuck straight up out of the ground, they watched as an abnormally large red fox walked straight up it's stone finish. As if gravity had no bearing on it at all.

_"I think that was one of the Knowledge Seekers."_ Professor Zei says excitably, _"Oh, we must be close to the library!"_

_"No, this_ ** _is_** _the library -- look!"_ Sokka shows Zei the map, pointing to it's highest point, _"It's completely buried."_

The look on Zei's face was that of desperation, he fell to the ground with his tiny shovel and started excavating. At this rate, it would take him an eternity to find the ruins. _"That's not necessary,"_ Toph tells the professor as she touches the hot stones, _"The inside seems to be completely intact. And it's huge."_

Sokka looked at Kai and motioned at the vast sea around them, _"You're supposed to be the greatest earth bender alive, you can't sling some of this sand around and dig it up for us?"_

_"Nope,"_ Kai said, bringing a small whip made of sand up to her palm and holding it for only a moment before it collapsed, _"I've been to the desert before and can move small amounts of sand at a time. But it's shifty and not easily manipulated. That fox went in through the window, looks like we'll be following it."_

Toph crossed her arms and made her way back over to Appa, _"I say you guys go ahead without me. I've held books before, they don't exactly do it for me."_

Appa made a small whining sound and Aang patted him on the head, _"Don't worry buddy, I won't ever make you go underground again. You can stay out here with Toph!"_

Professor Zei, Aang, Sokka, Katara and Kai slid down the rope and into the tower, _"Oh, it's breath taking. The spirits spared no expense designing this place. Look at those beautiful buttresses!"_

Kai rolled her eyes at the immature boys' snickering as her feet landed on the floor, _"They could've spared all the owl decal, this place is creepy."_

They heard feathers ruffling and scattered, Kai pulling Zei with her behind a pillar and the others covered by a towering bookshelf.

_"I know you're back there."_ The monotonous voice said from the center of two bridges.

Professor Zei was not familiar with the ancient spirits, he felt every bit excited and not the least bit cautious. He introduced himself and the rest of them to which the owl responded, _"I am Wan Shi Tong, he who knows 10,000 things. And you are obviously humans, which by the way are no longer permitted in my study."_

It was nothing personal to the lot of them, humans had tarnished their own reputation long before this moment came. Still, Aang offered his word that they would not use Wan Shi Tong's knowledge for malicious purposes and the spirit agreed, under one condition, _"To prove your worth as scholars, you have to contribute some worthwhile knowledge."_

Zei offered a first edition book, Katara a water bending scroll, Aang — a wanted poster of himself, and Sokka a "special knot", which Tong took unenthusiastically. He turned to Kai, who searched through her satchel until she found the book that she hadn't had a chance to read since she'd found Sokka stuck in the canyon. She held it out to the winged spirit, who looked deep into her jade and amber speckled eyes, straight down into her soul.

_"You are going to do terrible, terrible things. Aren't you, human?"_ Kai was taken aback by his accusation, but she knew better then to rebuke it. He knew more things than any being in any world, it would be of no use.

_"Hey! She's our friend, you can't-"_ Sokka tried to stick up for the girl but she cut him off, not having been too interested in what the library held anyways, _"It's fine, Sokka. I can go keep Toph and Appa company."_ She slipped the book back into her bag and swung herself back up the rope, scaling down the building until her feet landed in the sand.

_"Is someone there?"_ Toph asked.

_"Just me."_ Kai responded while trotting over, _"Turns out owls hate me just as much as I do them."_

It was silly, her disdain for the bird. But they were the only thing that ever recognized her in the cover of the dark, always asking her "who" she was when she still wasn't very sure.   
Toph rested against Appa while Kai practiced sand bending for lord knows how long. She cursed herself for not being better at it, _"It's just like the minerals in water, is it not?"_ She asked herself.

Suddenly, Appa roared. The ground shook so violently that even Toph, in her truly blind state, felt it, _"Library's sinking, library's sinking!"_

She and Kai dug their fists into the tower, holding it up the best they could while it tugged at their wrists. Kai twisted her feet into the sand but it crumpled around her ankles, unable to keep her grounded. It was a struggle, but it was working. That is until they felt the wind whipping around them and Appa's cries for help.

_"Who's there??"_

Kai looked over her shoulders to see three mummy like sand benders throwing their ropes over the bison. She freed one hand and tried summoning a whip, but it just wasn't strong enough.

_"Sand benders. Toph, you got this for a second?"_ Toph nodded in response but she wasn't actually sure of herself. Kai let go and the library began sinking again. Not as quickly as before, but sinking nonetheless. Kai pulled one of the swords from behind her back, sharpened from stone with wooden handles, and slung it at the men.

It nicked one across the calf and faithfully returned back to her, she caught it before digging her fists back into the tower. She tried everything — summoning the biggest sand lasso she was able to and wrapping it around one of the bender's ankles, but they kicked themselves free with little issue. Throwing her swords with all her might, but the sharp wisps of sand they had blowing around them changed her blades' course and sent them right back her way.

And Toph tried. Lord, did Toph try. She sent mounds of sand hurdling their way but missed by a long shot, _"No, stop sinking!"_ She screamed before digging her hands back into the stones.

The two girls squeezed their eyes shut, trying to drown out the bison's cries as he was dragged away. And when they finally saw their friends flying over their heads, landing on the ground behind them, they set the building free. Their wrists almost cracking from the sudden release of pressure. Toph and Kai were sent to the ground, filled with anger and shame and fear over what wrath Aang would unleash on them.

Sokka and Katara frolicked through the sand, _"We got it. There's a solar eclipse coming. The Fire Nation's in trouble now!"_

But the girls didn't join in on their excitement. Kai held Toph, whispering to her, _"We tried,_ ** _you_** _tried.."_

_"Where's Appa?"_ Aang's voice said from behind them, there was such hesitation in it that Kai knew Aang didn't want the truth.. so she simply didn't respond.


	6. Goodbye This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last filler chapter, swear!

_Season 2, Episode 12_

Kai lay sunbathing on a boulder next to Sokka as he looked over their map. They'd made it to the far edge of the desert after narrowly escaping the buzzard wasps and pulling Aang out of his avatar state with the sand benders. 

_"Water bending bomb!!"_ Katara yelled from atop the waterfall before cannonballing down into the oasis, a tsunami of water threatening to drown them all out. 

Kai, with one arm shielding her eyes from the sun, used her free hand to wave a balcony of stone over her, Sokka and their precious map. _"Careful, Katara!"_ Sokka yelled from under his new shelter, _"This is only a five thousand year old map from the Spirit Library!"_

The uprooted earth returned to its home in the ground and Kai rolled over on her stomach, _"Did you figure out which route we're going to take?"_

Sokka glanced at the marks on her skin before quickly shifting his eyes back to the parchment, _"We just got out of the desert, so we must be around here. It looks like the only passage connecting the south to the north is this sliver of land called the Serpent's Pass."_

_"You sure that's the best way to go?"_ Toph asked, taking a stand next to the pair. 

_"It's the **only** way. I mean, it's not like we have Appa to guide us there."_ His insensitivity was followed by a jab to the back of his head from his sister as she whispered, _"Can't you shut up about Appa?"_

_"Katara, it's okay."_ Aang sat away from the others. He'd been withdrawn since losing his bison, understandably so, _"I know I was upset about losing Appa before, but I just want to focus on getting to Ba Sing Se and telling the Earth King about the solar eclipse. Besides, we don't know how close Zuko or Azula are, we have to keep moving regardless."_

Kai lifted up on her forearms abruptly, pushing her untied hair out of her face as she turned to Aang, _"Azula? Zuko??"_ Toph elbowed her in the ribs and spoke inconspicuously through gritted teeth, _"You know, the Fire Nation princess and banished prince. You've heard of them, **right** **Kai**?"_

_"Oh, yeah, I just.."_ She'd almost forgotten about the boy in the hay loft completely in the past few weeks, almost forgotten about her life's mission when she'd decided on a new one, _"Why are they following you?"_

_"Uh, because of the big, blue arrow on Aang's head, duh."_ Sokka said before pointing straight ahead, _"Now, to Ba Sing Se, no more distractions!"_

_"Hello there, fellow refugees!"_ A man's voice spoke from the brush. He emerged with his _very_ pregnant wife and their preteen daughter, _"Not to intrude, but we heard you all are traveling to Ba Sing Se. We're trying to get there before my wife Ying has her baby. You should come with us to Full Moon Bay. Ferries take refugees like us across the lake, it's the fastest route!"_

_"Full Moon Bay?"_ Aang asked, _"We were just going to cross the Serpent's Pass."_

They looked at him with both confusion and horror, _"The Serpent's Pass?? Only the truly desperate take that path!"_

_"Hm, peaceful ferry ride or deadly pass?"_ Kai poked fun at Sokka while pulling her pants back on and tying them around her waist.

The refugee family led them to the ferry port, Kai and Toph falling behind the group.

_"You didn't think it was important to tell me that the royal family was following us?"_ Kai asked with a small amount of irritability in her voice. She'd been trained on maintaining her heart rate, keeping control of her breathing, so Toph had always had a hard time reading her body language.

_"I kinda.. forgot, I guess."_ Toph rubbed the back of her neck as she struggled to explain herself, _"Besides, I think someone got hurt in our last run in.. bad. If it wasn't one of us, it had to be one of them, so I doubt they're anywhere nearby."_

Kai couldn't see the guy that she'd met in that tiny Earth Kingdom village hunting down a group of children. After all, he'd been covering for a child when their paths crossed. But then again, most people underestimated her as well. And though she wouldn't seriously consider killing the fire prince now, there were others that she _would_ take into consideration. Ones that she'd already made her mind up on. 

~

The port with crowded with families that had been displaced by the Fire Nation. Katara looked around at all of their desperate faces, they carried all that they had in sacks on their backs, _"I can't believe so many lives have been uprooted by the Fire Nation."_

Kai sometimes thought them all to be so silly, so naive.. they believed that fire benders held all the evil that this world had to offer, _"There are bad people in every nation, Katara. The Fire Nation just gets around a little more often."_

_"My cabbages!"_ A man nearby screamed as he was dragged away by guards, his vegetable cart had just been destroyed by a platypus bear. Aang ignored his pleas and approached the grotesque woman at the counter, _"Um, four tickets for the ferry to Ba Sing Se, please.."_

_"Passports?"_

_"No one told us we needed passports."_ Sokka pushed Aang out of the way, standing his ground to the woman that wasn't intimidated by anyone or anything, _"Don't you know who this is? He's the avatar!"_ His statement had no baring on her, she saw fifty avatar impersonators a day.

_"I'll take care of this."_ The Blind Bandit approached the counter, sliding her gold and green passport to the woman whose eyes softened and got wide, _"My name is Toph Beifong, and I'll need five tickets._

The ticket lady stumbled over her words, _"Ah, the golden seal of the flying boar! It is my pleasure to help anyone of the Beifong family."_ She handed over five tickets without much more protest and the five of them turned to board the loading ramp.

_"Tickets and passports please?"_ A much younger, feminine voice rung out as Sokka narrowly avoided running straight into one of the guards. She held out her hand and he looked on, confused, _"Uh, is there a problem?"_

_"Yeah, I got a problem with you! I've seen your type before. Probably sarcastic, think you're hilarious and let me guess, you're traveling with the Avatar."_

Kai whispered to Katara, _"Do they know each other?"_

The guard planted a soft, delicate kiss on Sokka's cheek and his face lit up with excitement, _"Suki!"_ He embraced her lovingly, _"Sokka, it's so good to see you!"_

Suki escorted them to the front of the dock, she leaned back against the railing as the group caught up. Kai sat on the metal rods with her feet dangling above the ground, _"So you're really a Kyoshi Warrior? That's amazing, a lot of my hand to hand training was modeled after the techniques you guys use!"_

_"Where are the other warriors, anyways?"_ Sokka butted in.

_"They're around."_ Suki motioned around the port, pointing out the other guards that were makeup and Kyoshi wardrobe free, _"After you left Kyoshi, we wanted to find a way to help people. We ended up escorting some refugees and we've been here ever since."_ Momo jumped up between her and Kai and she petted him behind the ear, _"So why are you guys buying tickets for the ferry? Wouldn't you just fly across on Appa?"_

A silence hung in the air, no one wanted to be the one to break the news, so Kai whispered to the girl beside her, _"Appa is missing, they're hoping to find him in Ba Sing Se."_

_"They?"_ Katara interjected, _"What do you mean,"they"? Are you not coming with us?"_

_"Across the water, yes. Into Ba Sing Se?"_ Kai shook her head, _"Listen.. you guys have been very welcoming, and I appreciate your companionship."_ She looked down at Toph, who hadn't gotten to experience this the last time they'd parted ways, _"But I haven't been completely honest with you all. The truth is.. I'm searching for my father. I believe he may be in the city."_

_"But you just came back, we just --"_ Toph began to interject, broken hearted over the thought of being separated from the first person to ever see her potential again, but she was interrupted by, _"Avatar Aang, you have to help us! Someone took all of our belongings; our passports, our tickets, everything's gone!"_

The family that'd guided them there, they yelled up to them from the ticket counter. 

~

_"No passports, no tickets!"_ The ticket lady yelled into Aang's face as she left a stamp of black ink in the middle of his arrow. Aang turned back to the family, who looked a mixture of disappointed and hopeless. Kai knew what he was about to propose, and she wouldn't be able to assist them. She had to get to the city, and if she could get there before Toph and their friends, that would be even better. She could find her targets, carryout her new mission, and return to them before they even caught on to why she was tagging along with them. 

_"Don't worry, you'll get to the city safely. I'll lead you through the Serpent's Pass."_

Kai took a deep breath and watched the other refugees that were now boarding the ferry. Her brow scrunched up as her eyes scanned over the bodies, most of them dirty and thin.. until she saw an older man in a straw hat, an orchid perched on the rim of it. Beside him stood a boy, he looked awfully familiar.. stolen clothes, dark hair, and.. she gasped, _that scar._

Toph stepped in front of her, blocking her view and causing her to lose sight of the pair, _"We need you, Kai. How are we supposed to cross the Serpent's Pass without you?"_

_"No you don't, Toph."_ Kai kneeled down on one knee, _"Look at how far you've gotten without me. Look at everything that you've learned."_ She grabbed the girl's hand and placed it over her chest, no longer working to stabilize her heart beat, _"I will find you again, and soon. I promise."_

Toph's hand pressed hard against Kai's chest, threatening to tear straight through her skin and rip her heart out of its cage. Though her anger fell short when she realized that she was being told the truth. Her chin fell on her shoulders and she mumbled, _"At least I get a goodbye this time, I guess.."_

Kai laughed and lifted the girl's chin with her fingers, _"I'm not saying goodbye this time either! "Goodbye" implies that we won't see each other again, so how about.. see ya later."_

~~~

Zuko leaned over the ship, staring out into sea as the ship left the port. He sipped the bowl of chum he'd been given upon boarding, quickly spitting it out and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, _"Ugh! I'm sick of eating rotten food, sleeping in the dirt. I'm tired of living like this!"_

_"Aren't we all?"_ A voice said from behind Zuko and his uncle, _"My name's Jet and these are my Freedom Fighters, Smellerbee and Longshot."_

Smellerbee, the dirty girl that easily passed for a boy mumbled a _"Hey"_ and Longshot only nodded at the pair. 

_"Here's the deal. I hear the captain's eating like a king while the refugees have to feed off his scraps. Doesn't seem fair, does it?"_

_"What kind of king is he eating like?"_ Iroh asked, holding onto his straw hat as the ocean wind threatened to steal it. His hungry mouth hung open when Jet responded, _"The fat, happy kind."_

_"You want to help us "liberate" some food?"_ Jet asked without ever coming eye to eye with the stranger. He didn't need to see the boy's face, he could partially see his scar from where he stood behind him. And to Jet, scars meant struggle. Scars meant he was a fighter. Scars meant he was an outcast and that made him a Freedom Fighter. 

Zuko tossed his bowl of rotten food overboard and turned, _"I'm in."_

Above them all, on the third deck of the boat, Kai stood watching them with disdain. She'd stripped off her Earth Kingdom clothing and wore her black pants and shirt. Bag and blades strapped to her back as she watched old friends and new ones conversing. She'd melted so easily into the crowd, never even being asked to show her ticket or passport when she boarded. It was even easier to sneak behind Jet and Zuko as they raided the kitchen. 

This was how it'd been, her time with Jet and the Freedom Fighters -- cleaning up the messes that they left behind. And Zuko, he was only just learning how to quietly take the things that were no longer being freely given to him. 

Zuko loaded the bowls into his sack and they snuck back onto the main deck where his Uncle was waiting. He checked over his shoulder, nothing. Around the hoards of people, nothing. But when they bodies cleared and he could see Iroh, legs crossed on the ground as he blew into a bamboo windpipe.. _something_.


	7. Snake Wine

_Season 2, Episode 12_

Zuko stopped short of the space his uncle had claimed for them all but before he could voice what he saw before his eyes, Jet's voice rung out behind him, _"Kai! What are you doing here?"_

Kai tossed the arrow and rope that they'd left behind at his chest, it poked him through the shirt and she scolded him, _"Saving your ass, like usual."_

Iroh made another few harmonious blows through the panflute while Jet passed around the bowls, " _Kai, please, meet my nephew, Lee."_ He motioned toward the boy that Kai had already met, and under more honest pretenses. Zuko kept his distance from her, sitting on the opposite side of the semi circle.

She looked up from the food that Jet offered to share with her and he was met again by eyes like he'd never seen. They reminded him of those of a Mula, a cat-deer with intoxicatingly predatory eyes that drew its prey before sinking its razor sharp claws into their throat. Zuko wondered if she shared that same trait with them as well, _"Nice to meet you."_

She reached her hand across the space between them and he hesitated, still untrustworthy of someone that knew a little too much, but ultimately accepted her gesture. Their fingers popped again with static electricity just like his did when he touched her back a few weeks ago, while they were submerged in the same pool of milky blue, warm water. Kai pretended not to notice it, but the way Zuko's gaze hung onto hers told her that he'd felt it too.

_"Your uncle speaks highly of you, Lee."_

_"Hope we didn't keep you waiting too long."_ Jet said as he moved closer to the girl, trying to claim her as his own while watching the tension grow between her and Zuko.

" _You did, actually."_ Kai's soft expression that was made for Zuko hardened as she felt Jet's fingers brush against her thigh. She pushed the bowl back toward him, " _I had time to clean up after the lot of you, grab a bottle of the **good stuff** ," _She pulled a hefty glass jug of Snake Wine out from her bag, _"AND play a song with Mushi. All in the time that it took you to teach new recruits how to be sloppy."_

_"Speaking of songs! Kai, do you happen to know where an old man such as myself could acquire a bamboo panflute of this quality?"_

She smiled at Iroh, _"Please, keep that one. I can mold a new one in an instant."_

" _Such a generous girl,"_ Iroh's fingers grazed the bamboo as he searched his mind for a way to express his gratitude, _"I know! When we get to the city, I will brew you the best cup of ginseng tea you've ever had -- I guarantee it!"_

 _"Have you been there before?"_ Kai feigned ignorance, as if she had no idea who The Dragon of the West was. She didn't know of him as well as she did his brother, but his reign was legendary. She would've learned about him regardless of her upbringing.

 _"Once. When I was a... different man."_ Memories haunted Iroh as he thought back to his failed siege, when his son was killed.

 _"We've all done some things in our past that we aren't proud of, but that's why I'm going to Ba Sing Se -- for a new beginning. A second chance."_ Jet tried to grab the jug of Snake Wine out of Kai's lap, but she gripped the other end in a tug-of-war, _"Why are **you** going to the city, Kai?"_

Zuko watched a wall of hell fire go up in Kai's jade irises. His hair stood on end, saluting the girl's quick response, as did Smellerbee's. The air between the two of them grew thick with hostility and for a moment Zuko believed Kai was going to draw her blade and filet the cocky boy where he sat. But instead she let go of the jug, Jet smirked at his small victory over the girl and took a swig from the bottle. It burnt his throat going down and he choked most of it up, into his bowl of food that he'd worked so hard to obtain. Kai smiled as he gagged and took the bottle back, which he didn't object to this time, _"That's denatured snake venom, idiot."_

She pushed the bottle back into her bag, _"And I'm meeting up with some friends that decided to take the long way there."_

 _"Friends?"_ Smellerbee asked, _"These the same friends that you ditched us for back in the forest?"_

Kai rolled her eyes. The Freedom Fighters hadn't said much, but if she allowed them to keep talking, they'd surely spill more than she cared for anyone else to know about her, _"You guys hang on to the past for far too long. I'm here now and I'll be gone again tomorrow, can we not just enjoy each other's company in the mean time?"_

 _"She's right."_ Zuko's voice startled them all. He felt the same way, the more they all spoke of the past, the more likely Kai was to mention that they weren't really strangers at all, _"We're all just passing through on our journey to a new beginning, let's enjoy it."_

_"Very wise, my nephew. Now, who would to hear a song -- courtesy of me and my new panflute!"_

Zuko's uncle blew a tune that he barely recognized, it hung right on the outer edge of his mind.. until Kai started humming along. Memories flooded back, memories of her seemingly nude in the lukewarm spring. Ten minutes off the beaten path. He remembered her nimble fingers that snaked a rope of water between them as she hummed and he glanced down at them again, they didn't seem like earth bender hands at all. He took note of how long and precise they were as she keyed the air, as if she were playing along on a piano or strumming a pipa.

She whispered the words of the song to herself and Zuko worked diligently to read her lips, _"My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender yellow blue. And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you."_

Iroh played other songs on the pipe that none of them knew, but appreciated, and the night grew old. Their tired bones and those of every other refugee around them brought them to the grounds of the deck where they spread out their blankets and flat pillows made of hay. Longshot, Smellerbee, Jet, Kai, Zuko, and Iroh. Zuko offered to take the spot beside her so he could listen, he wanted to know if she would tell the Freedom Fighters about him. About his fire bending abilities, which were forbidden in Ba Sing Se. Iroh was more than happy to let his nephew sleep next to a pretty girl for the night.

It felt like hours had passed since Zuko laid on the ground, his eyes stuck on the long braid of the girl who was turned away from him.

 _"I can feel your eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull, you know."_ Kai whispered from over her shoulder. She turned around and faced him, her jade eyes meeting his burnt honey ones. And to Zuko's surprise, she was smiling. She was open and welcoming and inviting, just like she had been the last time their paths crossed.

_"Are you following us?"_

Her mouth fell open in false offense, _"I thought you'd be happy to see an old friend, **Lee**. Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye, but in my defense --"_

 _"We are **not** old friends."_ Zuko's scowl wasn't one that Kai had witnessed during their last meeting, but she didn't hate it. In fact, she thought it made him look less like a child. Though his grown out hair made up for that.

 _"We pretty much shared bath water, that makes us something. Now,"_ She reached above her head and gripped the handle of the Snake Wine bottle, _"It might benefit the both of us if we spoke in a more private setting."_

* * *

Zuko followed Kai's smiling face as she tugged him across the long deck to the bow. Most everyone else had decided not to sleep in that area for the night, the cutting winds from the front of the boat made the chill almost unbearable. Kai slid her back down the cold metal of the bridge behind them until she was sitting and Zuko took the spot next to her. They were low enough now that the lashing winds couldn't assault them.

The cork of the bottle popped off and disappeared across the floor, slipping over the edge of the ship and into the sea, _"Guess that means we'll just have to finish it."_ She took a swig from the bottle and grimaced, offering it to the prince.

_"Oh, I don't really --"_

_"Either we both get a tiny bit tipsy or I get trashed and you drag me back to the commons."_ She said, tipping the spout his direction, _"Your choice."_

 _"Who's to say I wouldn't just toss you overboard?"_ His unsavory facial expressions didn't scare the girl. Zuko took it as naivety, but really she just knew that he couldn't dispose of her, even if he wanted to, even if he tried with everything in him.

She shrugged, _"Maybe you will."_

Zuko snatched the glass from her grip and turned it up, it was like fire going down his throat -- and he knew exactly what that felt like in comparison. He let out an _"Blegh!"_ as a tiny bit dribbled down his chin. Kai held back laughter, _"Yeah, it tastes like shit. But it's expensive stuff and we all deserve to treat ourselves every now and then."_

_"What are you **really** traveling to Ba Sing Se for? Just a few weeks ago you said you didn't know where you were going."_

_"Well, this may come as a shock to you, but I'm trying to find my father."_ She paused to take another sip, _"I'm also meeting up with some friends, but mostly the dad thing."_

Zuko's brow furrowed in confusion as he could almost feel the rough patches of skin on her back still under his fingertips, _"What would you want to do that for?"_

Kai shrugged, sliding the bottle back his way and lifting her fingers above her head. Into the danger zone of the harsh, whipping winds from the waters around them, _"Feels right, I guess. I haven't seen him since I was fourteen. Maybe he's changed, but.."_ She could feel her fingers quickly getting raw with wind burn, _"Doubt it."_

Zuko let the warm wine slide down his throat again. It didn't burn as badly this time, he was growing accustomed to the pain. It was just like during his training. The first few times the fire licked his skin, he could feel his flesh bubbling for days after. But he eventually got used to it, _"What are you gonna say to him?"_

 _"Before or after I slit his throat?"_ Kai had pulled a small blade from her trouser pocket, flipping it in the air and catching it with expertise while she considered the question. Truthfully, she didn't believe she'd say anything at all. Her father didn't deserve to hear another word out of her mouth. Zuko looked over at her for the first time since they'd sat down and she saw a genuine smile on his face, the thought of _her_.. of a someone her size putting a blade to a grown man's throat and sawing away, he found it comical. A chuckle escaped from his throat and Kai continued, _"What? You can't honestly tell me you've never considered it."_

She tossed the blade up into the air again, scooting herself away from Zuko and turning his direction. He caught it and she motioned for him to toss it back.

 _"Not really."_ Zuko glared at himself in the reflection of the blade for the first time in months. He never had and would never even begin to consider that a valid option, not when his future was always on the line. His father was the fine line between him living like a prince again and standing still right where he was at, as a refugee in a city that would reject him if they knew who he really was, _"I've always been too preoccupied with my.. uh, travels."_

He tossed the knife back to her and slid the bottle across the smooth wooden floors simultaneously, curious as to how well disciplined she really was. She caught them both, _"We're all born with a mission, Zuko."_ Her smile lit up her face again as the wooden handle was swallowed up by her hand and she responded, over enthusiastically, _"Only mine has just recently changed course!"_

Kai and Zuko tossed the spinning blade back and forth for some time, an exercise that Bumi had forced her to repeat over and over again during her training.The bottle slid between the two of them, bumping their knees as they felt the wine weighing slightly on their sense of judgement.

_"What are **you** going to Ba Sing Se for?"_

She asked as Zuko lifted the bottle to his mouth for one last sip, then it would all be gone. Instead he bumped the lip of it against his teeth, _"Who fucking knows. When I'm not chasing after one person I'm running from another, and in between it all I'm being jerked around by my tea loving uncle."_

Kai sucked in her breath sarcastically, _"Ooh, sounds like girl troubles.."_ It was odd to hear him speak casually about chasing after the avatar, something he didn't know she was aware of, when the group she'd just left at the docks seemed to be so worried about his exact position on the planet, _"Tell me you weren't hitting her, cause that's gonna bring you down a few notches for me, personally."_

 _"It's not girl troubles!"_ Kai tossed the blade at just the wrong time and Zuko missed, the sharp metal slicing into his skin like room temperature butter. She moved across the floor faster than she could ever remember sprinting across the training grounds, grabbing his hand as blood seeped down his wrist. Kai closed her palm around his, forcing his sliced skin back together and hoping that it would start to clot. His blood felt warm in her hands. Hotter than her own or that of anyone else she'd been obligated to draw from. Zuko looked down at the girl, confused as to how she could go from being a well traveled wanderer, to a rogue Freedom Fighter, to a weapons specialist and then caregiver -- all in the blink of an eye.

_"While we're on the subject, is there something with you and Jet?"_

Kai scoffed while examining his palm, _"In his fucking dreams."_ She looked up to see that Zuko had been holding his breath while waiting for an answer. Realizing too that she had scooted so close to him that she now sat directly between his legs, almost on his lap, _"Why, you jealous?"_

_"What? No, I'm just -"_

_"Curious?"_ She mocked the same words that he'd spoken to her in the hay loft and repeated her own again, _"I'm gonna pretend it's jealousy. It's more flattering that way."_

Zuko's slowed breathing involuntarily sucked in again as Kai poured the remainder of their alcohol on his hand, washing away all of the blood and dirt, _"Why are you doing this?"_

_"Cleaning your wound? It was my fault, I shouldn't have been playing with knives while drinking."_

_"No, not that. Just.."_ She tore a strip of cloth from the hem of her sleeve, _"Sitting here.. with me."_

Kai wrapped the bandage tightly around his palm, _"I told you, I feel like you think we're very different, Zuko. But we aren't."_ She tied it off with a bow, like a shiny, new birthday gift decorated just for the prince, and smiled up at him when she was done, _"And I'm growing fond of your face. But don't let that get to your head."_

Zuko didn't like the way her affection made his stomach churn. It wasn't the same gross, annoyed churning that the noblemans' daughters had caused him back at the palace. It was.. almost like a lightheartedness that she inflicted upon him. It made him feel like he really was just a teenage refugee navigating this strange, changing world without clue as to how, _"We should probably be getting back."_ Zuko smirked and Kai felt her insides practicing somersaults, _"Before Jet starts to believe you've stepped out on him."_

 _"Funny."_ She responded while grabbing Zuko's good hand, pulling him up to his feet and purposely close to her face, _"Will you do that thing again?"_

 _"Huh?"_ Zuko could smell the fiery wine lingering on her breath. It hit his nostrils and his hormone filled body couldn't stop from wanting to bathe in that scent.

_"Like you did in the loft. When you breathed hot air down my back."_

Her cat like eyes had settled on him, he was her prey. And he was freezing in the moment, unable to respond or let go of the hand that was feeding him affection like he hadn't felt in his entire life. So he did all that he could, and all that he could do was nod while continuing to breath in the sweetness dripping off of her lips.

~

Kai pushed her palette in the commons closer to Zuko's and laid down on the damp ground. She really had loved the way he'd warmed her without being asked back in the lofts, it'd helped her sleep. While Zuko might've had fire and flames raging through his veins, she only had the cold, dark earth. He took the spot behind her, there was more space around them this time than there had been the last. But that didn't stop Zuko from moving closer.. he told himself that it was necessary and pushed her hair over her shoulder, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

_"You'll be gone when I wake up, won't you?"_

_"Yes."_ Kai felt the skin on her spine grow goosebumps as he warmed her and she moved back, closer to him, needing more, _"But you'll see me around."  
_

Jet lay to the left of Kai and Zuko, facing away from them with his eyes wide open. He could hear their soft whispering for only a moment before he saw the steam and felt the heat melting off of their bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m having a lot of fun writing this. If anyone here also reads on Wattpad, you can find this story there as well.  
> I appreciate any and all feedback and love talking to you guys in the comments. 💛


	8. Spilled Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 2, Chapters 12 & 13  
> This chapter has a little bit of jumping around because there’s a whole bunch going on.

**Zuko**

Kai kept her promise, she was gone before Zuko had the chance to wake up. Though she seriously considered it this time.. waking up surrounded by the cool mist, it was nice to have someone's warm breath on her neck. But she knew that there were things to be done, wrongs to make right. She awoke with Zuko's cheek resting on her back and peeled her body away from his, silently throwing her bag over her back and strapping her blade sheaths over her shoulders. She sighed looking down at him, thinking of how unfortunate it was that they hadn't met in different lifetimes, then made her way toward the back of the ship where she would catapult off of the railing.

Zuko rolled onto his back without bothering to feel for a body in the space next to him. He knew she wouldn't be there. He stretched his long limbs and gathered his things, walking toward the stern and staring out into the dense fog.

_"You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were."_ Zuko felt a chill creep up his spine as Jet's voice pierced through the calm morning. His palms warmed up, readying to do whatever necessary.. _"You're an outcast, like me. And us outcasts have to stick together. We have to watch each other's backs. Because no one else will."_

_Cool down, Zuko.._ He told himself. Jet leaned against the railing next to him, a fresh stem sticking out of his mouth. Zuko avoided eye contact with him like he did most people these days, but mostly just because he felt like he'd.. betrayed Jet in some way? He wasn't sure why, Kai had made it clear that she wasn't his, or anyone's for that matter.

_"I've realized lately that being alone isn't always the best path."_

_"Of course. But if you're looking for an attractive companion --"_ Jet responded and Zuko shot him a look that could kill, _"She's not the one, Lee."_

_"I don't know what you're talking about."_ Zuko pushed off of the railing and left to join his uncle at the exit dock.

**Kai**

Kai landed head first in the water and watched the ferry sail further and further into the dense fog that morning. Out of sight, out of mind, that's what she told herself before summoning the floor of the sea up to her submerged feet. One foot after the other, her steps were caught by rocks from far below until she reached the bank. From there, the earth turned to pebble. Not ideal, but at least it wasn't fucking sand again.

She scaled the fortress, assuming that someone besides Long Feng was now in charge. No way would he leave his outer wall this poorly guarded. And this easily navigable? Absolutely not. She sat atop the wall and did a full three-sixty, taking in the vast landscape on one side and the miles and miles of city on the other. She could scarcely see the inner wall and figured that's where she would find anyone that she cared to search for.

It would've been helpful to have a glider, like Aang's, her journey would've been much easier. She was walking along the stories high wall, looking for the best place to enter without being noticed when she heard a familiar sound. The uprooting of earth and flowing of tides, but from this high up, it had to have come from something massive.. Her head turned toward where the sound came from just in time to catch view of the bottom of a lake disappearing back under the water.

_"That sneaky bastard.. of course."_

She slid down the wall on her heels and walked until she was waist deep in the large lake. It didn't seem deep enough to hold anything of much real substance. Still, she held her breath and dived deep, deeper, deeper.. until she felt like her chest was about to cave in. That's when she saw the glowing green lights the led her directly where she needed to go.

**Zuko**

_"May I just say, you're like a flower in bloom. Your beauty is intoxicating."_ Zuko listened to his uncle flirting their way into Ba Sing Se with the ticket lady across the counter.

_"You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself, handsome."_ She purred back, _"Welcome to Ba Sing Se."_

With a stamp on their passports, they were in. Zuko rubbed the bridge of his nose as he followed Iroh through the stone gate, _"I'm going to forget I saw that."_ He grumbled.

_"Maybe that will be your next training course, nephew."_ Iroh responded while handing Zuko his ticket. 

_"What? How to make my nephew vomit in his mouth? No, thanks."_

_"The art of courting women, Zuko."_ He flagged down a tea cart and took a seat next to a few other refugees, holding his cup of jasmine before continuing, _"How was your night with our new friend?"_

_"You're--"_ Zuko was cut off by Iroh's dramatic spitting of his tea, it was ice cold, _"crazy."_

_"I may be crazy, but I know an empty bed when I see one. And I saw two last night. Just like I know a cold cup of tea when I taste it, this is a disgrace!"_ Iroh held the leaf cup in his hands and focused his chi, soon the liquid was steaming right under his nose. Zuko could smell it from beside him and it sent him fuming, _"What are you doing fire bending your tea?!"_ He knocked the cup out of his uncle's hands and scolded him through gritted teeth, _"For a wise old man that was a pretty stupid move!"_

Iroh sniffled while watching the tea flow through the grit in the stone tiles, _"I know you're not supposed to cry over spilled tea, but.. that's so sad!"_

_"And I'm sick of people bringing up Kai! First Jet, now you -- we tossed around a blade for a few minutes, that's it!"_

_"Hey, Lee."_ Jet stepped into the conversation and it took Zuko every bit of self restraint he had to keep the flames locked up inside, _" **WHAT**?!"_

  
**Kai**

Kai shoved her bag in between a series of pipes for safe keeping and started her journey through the dimly lit corridor of the underground facility. Her thumbs tucked tightly into the shoulder straps of the sheathed swords on her back, like she was a schoolgirl holding onto the straps of her backpack during a field trip.

She peaked into the identical doors through peepholes that she made in the stone herself. Most were full of cobwebs, some held a single lantern on a circular tracks. Nothing that she found particularly interesting.

The clicking of heels echoed from around the corner and she melted into the wall, waiting. Watching for who would pass by.

She felt caterpillars hatching out of the cocoons they'd made in her stomach when she heard his voice. Giddy, excited butterflies emerged in place of them when she saw his skinny face, _"The drill is a few hundred meters out, correct? That's fine, the outer wall soldiers will take care of it."_

She hadn't seen Grand Secretarian Long Feng in three long years, and she probably shouldn't have been so excited to see him now. But it was like Christmas morning in that underwater fortress, and she was both a fortunate child and the thieving Krampus. Her footsteps followed lightly behind the two Dai Li members, they never even knew how close she was until her delicate fingers jabbed them straight in their pressure points. Their legs gave out from under them and she caught their heads before they could hit the ground, lowering them softly and then gently wrapping each of her hands around their throats.

_"I'm not going to kill you, but you're both going to take a very brief, very deep sleep."_ She whispered to their terrified, speechless faces.

She caught up to Long Feng quickly and followed him through the winding hallways, all the way to his private chamber, slipping in the door behind him. He locked it with the softest wave of his hand and she sealed the deal, closing up the grey brick and leaving him with no easy exit. Feng heard the crunching of stone and stopped short of his desk.

_"It's been a while."_ Her sweet voice caused his heart to thump in his chest. She circled wide around his frozen body, watching him for any sudden movements.

And he made them, all right. The ceiling above her fell from the sky and she caught it long before the stones came anywhere close to her skull, _"I can feel your pulse from much further away that this, Feng. Did you really think that would work?"_

He intertwined his fingers in front of his torso, _"Always so lovely to see you, eh.. Kai, is it?"_

Kai's calm demeanor snapped as she summoned a necklace of pebbles around his throat, holding him at her mercy as she approached him, _"You know my name damn well. And if you don't by now, you're about to."_

He struggled to speak, struggled to breath. Holding his throat as the blood in his cheeks rushed to the surface.

_"Whoops."_ She loosened the pebbles a tad, _"My bad."_

He coughed, sucking in the dingy air around them until it gave his lungs life again and choked out the words, _"What do you want?"_

Kai smiled and summoned a chair made of earth from the ground below, knocking him off of his feet and into the seat. She lifted herself up onto his desk, swinging her feet back and forth, _"Where's dad?"_

**Zuko**

Jet motioned for Zuko to join him away from his uncle and Zuko followed, begrudgingly.

_"You and I have a much better chance of making it in the city if we stick together. You want to join the Freedom Fighters?"_ Something about Jet, he couldn't put his finger on it.. but it made Zuko want to snatch that leaf stem right out of the boy's mouth and turn it to ash between his fingers.

_"Thanks, but I don't think you want me in your gang."_

_"Come on,"_ Jet grabbed Zuko's arm as he turned to walk away, _"We made a great team looting that captain's food. Think of all the good we could do for these refugees!"_

_"I said no."_ Zuko jerked his arm out of his grip and walked away, back toward his uncle and onto the train to the lower ring.

Jet watched the pair leave the station, looking back and forth between them and the previously cold tea that still lay spilled on the ground. He noticed the steam floating off of it and remembered the steam that floated over his shoulder in the early morning hours, when he heard Zuko and Kai sneaking back into the commons and whispering to each other.

**Kai**

_"The kingdom of Omashu has been taken over by the Fire Nation. Your father is not there, nor is he here in the great city of Ba Sing Se."_ Long Feng spoke from his seat in front of Kai. The legs molded around his ankles, his wrists subdued behind his back.

_"Yeah, no shit. I'm asking where you've got him and his men stationed."_

_"Why would I tell you, girl?_ " The slightest twitch of his foot caused him to go falling backwards, hitting his head against the rough stone beneath him. Kai was almost embarrassed for the man. She hopped off the desk and tilted the chair back onto all fours with her foot.

She crouched down to eye level with him and he got lost in her captivating gaze, having never been this close to the girl before.

_"Girl?"_ She grinned a cheeky smile, dimples and all, _"I'm of marrying age now. I think I remember you bringing that up the last time we spoke."_

She pulled a sword from behind her back and let its point rest against his sternum, _"As far as why you should tell me — it's just in your best interest. Either you tell me and I spare you the pain of a long, excruciating death. Or you hold out and I waterboard you with your own blood."_

A thought entered her mind and she brought the blade to her chin, _"Actually, I think I have some mineral water in my bag. There's no need to be messy."_

_"What about your friends?"_ Feng proposed, _"I've been told they're in the city, they're working with our forces to stop the drill that's trying to make entry to our outer wall."_

_"I'd expect nothing less, they're good people."_

_"I presume they are, regardless of who they associate themselves with."_ Kai positioned the blade back against the Grand Secretarian's chest, pressing harder against his skin until she saw the faintest stain of blood seep through his robe, _"If I die, or go missing, or whatever else you plan to do with me just as they begin to make a home in this city, the Dai Li may be forced to make.. assumptions."_

_"My friends could take out all of your men plus the Dai Li just as easily as I could. And you **know** that I could."_

_"Valid point."_ He nodded understandably and tilted his chin upwards, giving her easy access to his throat, _"Please, if I'm allowed to make requests, I simply ask that you make light work of me."_

Kai grazed the blade against his skin, she watched it redden from the friction but knew that no blood would be drawn. Not from him, not today.

_"I'm open to a compromise."_

_"I can give you and your friends a good life in this city, you know. I can keep your secrets."_ He smiled and continued, _"I'm assuming that this part of your life_ _ **is** still a secret to them, yes? Because if not.. that would make them an enemy of the Earth Kingdom. And their mission, whatever it is, will not go smoothly if they are wanted by two of the three world powers."_

Kai pursed her lips and pushed off of her knees, standing to her feet in front of the old man, _"You make a good point, I supposed."_ She sheathed her blade behind her back, _"You won't get in the way of my search for my father?"_

_"I won't even get in the way of your search for your mother, if you so choose to seek her out."_

_"What?"_ Kai was caught of guard for once. She didn't know an ounce about her mother. She'd never asked her father about the woman and he'd never offered any information. But now, with the slightest mention of that part of her being, every hair on her body stood on end.

Kai motioned for the chair made of earth to dissipate back into the ground and Feng fell on his ass against the floor, rubbing the raw skin on his wrists, _"I won't offer you any further on the subject, besides that she is alive and well in the lower ring."_

There was a banging on the door. The original door, behind the stone barrier that Kai had bended in front of it. She waved the new wall off and he barged in, stunned momentarily by the girl's presence but continued anyways, _"Sir, it's the avatar and his acquaintances. I believe they require more assistance with the..."_ he paused, unsure if he'd already said too much.

_"The Fire Nation drill? Very well."_ Feng turned his attention back to Kai, _"I believe that's a task better suited for special forces."_

Kai nodded and walked past him, _"Oh, and Kai —"_ she stopped in the doorway when his manipulative voice spoke her name, _"Her eyes.. I believe they may favor yours."_

She smiled and bowed, offering him a genuine _"Thank you"_ before heading back to where her bag was stashed behind columns of pipes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those that have been reading so far and commenting along, THANK YOU!! I appreciate it more than you know. Character art is coming soon and I SWEAR this story actually gets smutty in the next few chapters. 💛


	9. Being Handled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 2, Episode 13

Kai's head emerged from the lake and she scaled the wall, running along it's ledge in the direction a Dai Li guard instructed her. She could hear a loud cranking and felt the wall weakening beneath her feet. When she looked down, _"Hey, Aang!"_

Aang was dodging flashes of blue lightening and balls of fire right below her. His eyes scaled the wall and met with hers, the chipper teenager responded just as cheerily as ever, _"Kai! A little help?"_

Kai free fell down the side with her arms out like a sparrowkeet and landed behind the girl Aang was fighting, his limbs now covered in earth gauntlets. He dodged her lightning strikes, eyes looking past Azula to Kai and begging for her help.

_"Gross, what is this?"_ Kai bent down and touched the slurry that painted the sides of the drill, _"Mud? Hm.. that'll work."_ She moved her arms briefly and following them was a wave of the thick, slippery mess. It knocked Azula and Aang right off their feet, sending them sliding down opposite sides of the metal monster. Momo caught Aang midair but Azula continued down, her steel shoes sparking against the surface as she struggled for a grip. Kai slid down after her, resting on the edge of one of the windows.

While Aang was carving a boulder into the wedge that they needed to finish their plans, Kai was blocking further strikes from Azula. Walls of mud absorbed the lightening and Kai found entertainment in watching the girl's face explode with anger, taunting her.

_"You're a_ **_very_ **_capable fire bender! May I ask where you trained?"_

_"The Royal Fire Academy for Girls."_ She responded, followed by another grunt and flash of blue heat. Kai formed a mold of clay around Azula's free hand, leaving her dangling by just the skin on her fingers. She took a good look at the girl, recognizing her strong brow and honey colored eyes.

_"I'm in the presence of royalty, aren't I? You're Princess Azula!"_ Azula smirked at the recognition, _"Not to be rude, but your brother is much more welcoming."_

Kai's playful, nonchalant attitude reminded Azula far too much of her weak uncle and childish friend, Ty Lee. And she didn't like the thought of _anyone_ preferring her disgrace of a sibling over her. She felt flames warming up her throat, _"My brother is a criminal and a weak limb in our family's tree. And you — you, my dear, will pay for ever comparing the two of us!"_

Her lips parted and Kai could smell the fire that was about to be cast upon her, like charcoal burning on an already hot summer day. She summoned another small wave of slurry to snuff out the girl's flame, but smiled at her willfulness.

While Azula was coughing up mud and water and dirt, Kai could feel that the entire rig was about to blow thanks to Aang's wedge. She stood from her resting place and looked down on the princess, _"I told a man earlier that there was no need for us to make a mess today, but I think that was a lie."_

Azula cast one more bolt of lightening from her palm toward Aang, who was racing down the side of the wall. It sent her free falling and she missed her target, the force of the wedge knocked Kai off of the drill but she caught herself and somersaulted to the tall, stone platform that Katara, Toph and Sokka now watched from.

_"Perfect timing!"_ Toph yelled over the sound of rushing slush waves.

_"Come on, if we hurry we can still catch the next train to Ba Sing Se."_

* * *

The five of them boarded an almost empty tram to the inner city. They looked out the windows around them, taking in the vast change of culture. Kai's eyes scanned the faces below even though they were all just a blur from this high up.

_"Did you find your dad?"_ Toph asked from beside her.

Kai shook her head, _"I found the Grand Secretarian though."_

Toph's face turned toward her, her mouth opened slightly before she shut it tight again. Kai knew what she wanted to ask, but Toph figured she might not actually want to know the answer.

_"I didn't do it, Toph. I came_ **_so_ **_close, but —"_

_"I told you, I told you you couldn't! That's not a bad thing, Kai."_

_"See, but that's the thing.."_ Kai turned her body fully in the seat and pulled one knee up to her chest while she whispered, _"I_ ** _could have_** _done it. I was literally scouring my mind for how I wanted to watch him die, what would've been the most fun, and it made me feel so.. giddy. Like I'd been waiting my whole life for that moment."_

_"What stopped you then?"_

She sighed before answering, _"Feng said that my mom is in the city. He said she's alive and well and lives in the lower ring."_

Toph wasn't necessarily _against_ Kai taking revenge on those that'd wronged her. In fact, she believed her revenge was long overdue. But she also knew that she'd fought people back in Omashu that'd taken a life or two, she'd listened to their hearts and knew that they just didn't beat the same as everyone else's. She didn't know if she could handle baring witness to Kai's changing heartbeat.

_"Not like I'll find her out there, anyways. I don't even know what I'm looking for."_

The group walked through the sliding boxcar doors into the train station of the upper ring. Kai and Aang both looked over the tops of each building, the two of them searching for something different.

_"Back in the city."_ Toph sighed, _"Great."_

_"What's the problem? It's amazing!"_ Sokka replied. It was his first time in a big, _big_ city, and it showed.

_"It's just a bunch of walls and rules. You wait, you'll get sick of it in a couple of days."_ Kai said from in front of the pair. Toph knew what she meant. To the rest of the group this Kingdom may be an amazing fortress made of cobblestone walls and gold paneling, but to them.. it was just another jail cell. A massive one, but their claustrophobia was just as immense.

The earth benders that moved the train on its track kicked off, the cars moving back through the tunnel. Behind it stood a cheerful, smiling woman that sent a creepy chill down Kai's spine. She introduced herself as Joo Dee and offered to begin their tour of the city. Sokka clutched his satchel full of stolen relics from the Spirit Library as he spoke excitedly, _"We have information about the Fire Nation army that we need to deliver to the Earth King, immediately."_

_"Great!"_ Her forced smile never faltered, _"Let's begin our tour. And then I'll show you to your new home here. I think you'll like it!"_

Sokka's jaw hit the pavement, completely floored that this woman did not care one bit about the ensuing war or the fact that her beloved home may be in danger. She hearded them all into a private cart and pointed out mundane things that none of them cared about — City Hall, the Inner Wall, Ba Sing Se University. All while expertly evading all of Sokka's attempts to bring up the Fire Nation. Kai and Toph snickered to themselves every time.

When the carriage stopped, Joo Dee excused herself and Sokka exploded with frustration, _"Is that woman deaf? She only seems to hear every other word I say!"_

_"It's called "being handled". Get used to it."_ Toph responded while crossing her arms across her chest, Kai continued, _"I guess we should've warned you. They don't really talk about the war inside these walls. It disrupts their peaceful way of life."_

_"So.. what? Their people are just unaware of the Hundred Year War?"_ Katara asked and Kai shrugged in response.

_"All I know is that whenever the Grand Secretarian and Dai Li visited my father and I, it always had to be in Omashu."_ Kai felt Toph's boney elbow jab her in the ribs and grunted, but she was too late. Sokka, Katara and Aang turned their heads sharply toward Kai and Aang spoke suspiciously, _"_ ** _You_** _know the Dai Li? And who is this Grand Secretarian?"_

_"Uh, yeah, my dad's sort of.."_ She chuckled out of nervousness, _"General Fong of the Southern Earth Kingdom military."_

Their mouths hung open and Aang leaped across the boxcar, pointing an accusatory finger at Kai's chest, _"YOUR FATHER THREATENED TO BURY KATARA ALIVE AND FORCED ME INTO THE AVATAR STATE TO USE AS A WEAPON AGAINST THE FIRE NATION!"_

_"Yeah, he's a dick. And don't think you're too special --"_ Her shoulders broadened, chest stiffened. Kai could feel her face getting hot over the thought that her father had tried and failed _again_ to force a child into doing all the hard work for him, _"I know you've seen the marks on my back. Why do you think I'm not with him anymore?"_

Aang's defensive stance softened, he felt his shoulders slump as he fell back into the seat beside Katara. The trio remained silent on the opposite bench until Sokka finally spoke up, _"I guess they are rather... rock shaped."_

Her eyes fell on Katara, who'd had the unfortunate experience of being the piece of meat her father had used to dangle in front of Aang, _"I'm sorry that he did that to you. If it means anything, I would've stopped him had I known."_

When the rail stopped, Joo Dee opened the door and motioned for them all to follow her. It was a short walk to their spacious apartment. It was nicer than what any of them had been used to, besides Toph. And was a vast change of scenery for Kai, who'd spent the past three years sleeping in high up limbs, home made hammocks or generous strangers' guest rooms.

_"Here we are, your new home!"_ She was handed a scroll while standing just off the newly finished porch, _"And good news! Your request for an audience with the Earth King is being processed, and should be put through in about month. Much more quickly than usual!"_

The group sighed and slammed the door on Joo Dee, frustrated. Toph fell back on a pile of floor pillows and yelled into them, _"A_ ** _MONTH_** _??"_

Kai didn't mind. If she weren't here, where else would she be? She'd already hit a dead end looking for her father, she'd probably find herself back in The Southwestern Earth Kingdom doing not much of anything at all, like she was a few short weeks ago.

Aang held the bison whistle to his lips again and blew hard to no avail, _"If we're going to be here for a few weeks, we need to spend it looking for Appa."_

_"I doubt he's in the upper ring, these people have enough gold and status — they wouldn't need to_ ** _hide_** _the last existing bison on the planet."_ Kai thought of all those buildings they'd seen from overhead and wondered how many of them extended underground, far beyond anyone from the surface knew about. Just like the stone structure that she'd almost spilled sweet blood in earlier. But her grumbling, angry stomach interrupted those thoughts, _"I might go ahead and start my search — for dinner that is, but I'll keep an eye out for a ten ton bison while I'm out."_

She started for the double doors only to have Aang follow closely behind her. Kai stopped in the frame and, though Toph couldn't see the "a little help here" look she shot her, she could feel her friend's defensive body language as she searched her mind for a polite way out.

_"Aang, why don't you stay here? We can practice, maybe bend up a few of these polished boards just to see if ole' Joo Dee knows how to do something other than grin!"_

_"Thanks, Toph."_ Aang said, _"But if we're going to find Appa, we need to start searching_ ** _now._** _"_

Kai could both hear and feel Aang's stomach speaking to him, too. He blushed and grabbed it, trying to hide his real motives. Kai smiled at him but still guarded the door with her body, _"Toph's kind, but I'm just gonna be honest. I'm not used to having such little time alone. No meat, right?"_

He nodded and slinked away from the door.

_"I'll be back soon and we'll start canvassing as a whole tomorrow, I promise."_ She snuck out the door faster than Sokka was able to yell after her, _"Give me his meat instead! Kai, extra meat!!"_  
  


* * *

Kai boarded the monorail and hung her head out the window as she watched the buildings pass by. The upper ring was nice, but it just wasn't.. home. Nowhere was, really. The green rooftops of the middle ring shimmered off of her eyes and she knew that they weren't what she was looking for either. Finally, she passed though the wall separating the middle and lower rings and knew she was amongst her people. Thieves, refugees and sneaks. This is where she wanted to be.

The sun was setting while she walked down the center of those dirt streets. The monarchy didn't feel the need to decorate the lower ring buildings like they did the middle and upper ring, their stone structures weren't hidden by wood paneling and aluminum ceilings. Outside of little tea shops and grocery stores were merchant stands, small men trying to sell cheap jewelry to people with little money as it is. She strolled by them without stopping, just taking in the new atmosphere.

Until she saw a tall boy peaking around a corner, a leaf stem sticking straight out of his mouth. He failed to be as inconspicuous as he wished to be. Kai walked smoothly up behind Jet and ran her hand along the nape of his untrimmed neck, she felt his skin contract and tense up as he jerked toward her.

Kai laughed at the boy's startled response as he pushed her into the privacy of a dimly lit alley. His forearm pinning her shoulders weakly against the stone wall siding before he finally realized who she was, _"Fuck, Kai! You can't just — what if somebody saw you?! You could've given me away!"_

_"You aren't as sly as you think, Jet."_ He moved his arm off of her chest and wiped the early summer sweat from his brow, _"What are you doing sneaking around, anyways? Didn't you come to this city for a new start?"_

She noticed him chewing on the end of the stem anxiously, a new habit. Jet pulled her to a small, shuttered window and pointed inside. It was a tea shop, quaint and cozy and in the center stood two men. One short and round, the other tall and lean.

_"So, what? Lee didn't take you up on your offer to join the Freedom Fighters and now you think harassing him will change his mind?"_

Jet scoffed, fully aware that she was playing dumb and pulled her back to the side. He felt his insides boiling, not only at the thought that _here_ , in what was supposed to be their safe haven, they were still in the presence of the enemy -- but also over the fact that he had courted a lover of said enemy.

_"Those guys are_ ** _fire benders_** _."_ He lowered his face to hers, keeping his voice down in case any wanderers or Dai Li were listening in on them, _"And_ _I know you know, Kai._ _I saw the steam pouring off the two of you last night on the ferry."_ _  
_

She smiled and walked her fingers up the chest of his blue and maroon top, _"How do you know it wasn't the same type of steam you and I made last winter?"_ She lied, _"Or does that make me a fire bender now, too?"_

Jet backed away from the girl before she brought up more of their past, mumbling under his breath, _"You sure carry yourself like one.."_

He watched as her hips swayed toward the start of the alley, toward the streets. It was nice, seeing her in something besides her all black trousers and top that made her hard to pick out of the night. Now she was sporting a simple green dress, embellished with metallic gold cherry blossom trees and a black belt the accentuated her waistline.

_"Nice to know that you're still as paranoid as ever. Oh, and I'm rooming with a water tribe girl, you know. And her brother."_ Jet sucked in hard at the statement, Katara's lovely face flashing over his mind, _"I won't mention you if you don't mention me. Deal?"_

He nodded her off without a second thought about it and she turned the corner, leaving Jet to wonder how she always managed to get the one up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am so FREAKIN EXCITED bc next chapter is when shit gets real. A couple of chapters after this point won’t follow much of the story line at all, all Zuko x Kai smut.  
> Question - Do we wanna add NSFW content or no? Are y’all that type of crowd?


	10. Obligations

_"Well, you certainly look like official tea servers. How do you feel?"_ Pao said to his two newest employees as they stood in his empty shop, Pao Family Tea House. Both of them had their own complaints that they were quick to address.

_"Ridiculous."_ Responded Zuko, with his arms crossed and scowl on his face. Meanwhile, Iroh struggled to tie the apron around his swollen belly, _"Uh, does this possibly come in a larger size?"_

_"I think I've got some extra string in the back."_ Pao began to turn on his heel, stopping when he heard the creaky wooden door swing on its hinges.

_"I've got some here. Please, let me."_ Zuko and Iroh recognized the voice before ever turning around. Zuko's eyes shot toward his uncle and he spoke through clenched teeth, _"Uncle, please. Don't --"_

His prayers to not be embarrassed went unanswered. Iroh turned sharply toward Kai and held out his welcoming arms, boasting a wide smile and humble eyes, _"Kai, so good to see you again!"_ He wrapped her up in a warm hug as if they were old pals, meeting once again in the city after being separated by years of a never-ending war.

_"I thought I'd take you up on that offer for the best tea in Ba Sing Se. Is this where you're setting up shop?"_ Her eyes darted around the small tea shop. It wasn't much, but Iroh didn't seem to her like a man that needed much. She liked that about him, that he was a content with a life of simplicity. Though she wasn't sure the same could be said about his nephew.

_"Welcome, miss."_ Pao said, _"I see you're a friend of my two newest employees."_

_"Please, she is more of my nephew's acquaintance than my own. But she is a delight nonetheless."_ Zuko felt his cheeks warming up and fought the urge to strike Iroh in the gut. He slumped back against the counter.

_"Right, I'll leave you two to your duties then."_ Pao excused himself, as did Iroh to the back of the shop, _"This will be the best jasmine tea you've ever had, I swear on it."_ He said.

Kai seated herself at the bar close to Zuko, waiting for him to come out of his tantrum of embarrassment.

_"Don't want to talk, eh? That's okay. Not much eventful has happened since I saw you last."_ Not many would consider sneaking into an underground lair, nearly ending the life of an Earth Kingdom official and making a fool of Princess Azula "uneventful". Not even Kai, but Zuko didn't need to know about it. So she waited. The sweet, floral scent of jasmine wafted from the back of the building and filled her nostrils, causing her hungry stomach to speak again. Louder this time.

_"It's not that, just.."_ Finally, he looked up from his crossed arms to see her nimble fingers supporting her chin. Her elbow resting on the rough, wooden bar where she sat, _"Every time we meet I ask what you're doing here. I'm trying to refrain from making a habit of it."_

It was a valid question, but she saw his point. Given all that Kia knew, she could easily chalk it up to fate, destiny, the stars, whatever. But it almost seemed to Zuko as if the girl was following him.

_"They say third time's the charm. But for the sake of avoiding repetition, I'm just gathering groceries and enjoying some tea."_

_"I thought you were searching for your --"_ Those nimble fingers that Zuko had just been admiring were suddenly glued to his face, forcing his lips shut. Her eyes got wide and she mouthed the words, _"Shut up!"_ before removing her hand.

Except it didn't take its place back on the splintered bar where it rested before, Zuko felt the smooth skin on her fingertips slide along his cheek and into his hair, resting against his scarred ear while she pulled him close to her. For a moment he believed that she was going to kiss him, and she got close, but her lips continued past his cheek and her warm breath whispered to him, _"There are people listening behind closed doors."_

His eyes darted past her, through her loose braid to the window. He could narrowly see the end of a leaf stem through the shutters and felt his jaw clench, _"Does he know?"_

Kai shrugged, _"He has no proof."_

Iroh burst through the swinging doors with a platter of piping hot tea, catching only the slightest glimpse of his nephew getting so cozy with a girl his own age. Kai let go of the boy's face and he backed up abruptly.

_"Oh, don't mind me, you two! I'm just dropping this off, I have much work to do in the kitchen."_ Iroh said awkwardly, trying to hide the excited grin on his face.

_"No, no, no, please! I'm only stopping by, I'll be off soon to grab some groceries."_ Kai said to the old man, who ignored her request to stay and continued into the confines of the kitchen.

_"Uncle!"_ The abrasive sound of Zuko's voice rising above anything other than passive or mildly annoyed almost started Kai, and it certainly made Iroh stop dead in his tracks, _"Serve our guest the tea you promised her. Then, if you don't mind, I'll be taking off early to show her to the market."_

Kai felt her heart beat a tiny bit faster as she witnessed Zuko take charge. That was what had attracted her to Jet in the first place, after all, his ability to be a leader.

* * *

Iroh was right, his tea was the best she'd ever had in her whole life. Not that she'd taken the time to enjoy much tea in her seventeen years. She went back for seconds and then gathered her bag onto her back while Zuko corralled her out the doors. 

The streets of Lower Ring were bustling during the nighttime hours, it almost turned into a completely different city come sun down. Not one full of thieves and crime like she was sure the Upper Ring residents assumed. But one that was lit up bright with fire lanterns, one that opened its doors to poetry houses and cobblestone pavilions that people flooded onto while string bands played music that was impossible not to dance along with.

_"This place is so lively!"_ Kai laughed as a man twenty years her senior grabbed her hand, trying to convince her to join him in a jig. She did one spin and declined, continuing alongside Zuko, _"Ugh, why couldn't I have gotten stuck here?!"_

_"This place is a shit hole."_ He commented, stopping at a butcher stand.

_"Yeah? In comparison to... what?"_ She leaned down by Zuko's side, judging cuts of meat and motioning for the butcher to give her four servings.

_"Let's just say I didn't grow up.. like this. Struggling."_

_"You're joking? No!"_ The sarcasm in Kai's voice was harsh, but he tried not to take offense. She had just witnessed him order around an old man, after all, _"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t mock you for feeling out of place."_

_"It's okay. You're right."_ They strolled by a flower stand that Zuko and his uncle had stopped at earlier. Iroh'd bought a vase full of bright orange blossoms, "Just in case someone brings home a lady friend!" he'd said to justify the purchase. The same ones that Kai was now stopping to smell.

_"My uncle told me that life happens wherever we are, whether we want it to or not. I guess I'm still coming to terms with that."_

Kai simmered on the thought. The possibility that throughout all these years on her own, she'd been making a humble little life for herself without even realizing it, without ever stopping for a real breath of fresh air. And she wasn't stopping now either, that breath of fresh air was still yet to be had, but three years of life had continued on regardless.

She was yanked out of deep thought by Zuko's grasp, he pulled her out of the street and her face hit his chest. His fingers dug into her shoulder blades and she steadied herself, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Kai couldn't see what Zuko was pulling her away from but she heard his dual blades clank as he pulled them from their holster, followed by the sound of wheels screeching to a halt as the swords were shoved between them.

_"Hey! Watch where you're going!"_ Zuko growled at a cabbage merchant, heads of the vegetable spilling onto the dirt.

_"Me?! Tell your girlfriend to pay attention, buddy!"_ He yelled back while scooping his cabbages off the ground. Kai felt his grip around her shoulders loosening, his blade freed the wheel, she knew he would strike again given the chance.

_"She's got a name, you swine! It's —"_ Zuko stopped as her hand slide over his wrist, her fingers wrapping over his own as they gripped his swords in unison. His muscles weakened at her touch.

_"It's okay, Zuko. **I'm** okay." _She whispered against him and he looked down, he hadn't been this close to someone since.. well, since the night before, when they shared a makeshift bed. And before that, it was since the hayloft. He realized that he was finding himself awfully close to her quite often lately, actually.

Kai guided his hand back to his hip, resheathing the dual swords. She glanced over her shoulder at the cabbage merchant and smiled at him, his angry expression seemed to soften once he laid eyes on her soft features, _"My apologies, sir. I'll take one head of cabbage for your troubles, please."_

Zuko let go of the girl and took a step back, running his hand nervously through the hair that tickled his neck while she paid for the vegetables. They continued on their way, through the narrow aisles of a small pantry so she could pick up dry noodles and broth. Only Zuko noticed her standing closer now, further away from the streets and fighting the urge to wander off without him nearby.

Internally, she was cursing herself for not being constantly aware of her surroundings. This place just seemed so much like the colonies back home, wherever that was, during the summer solstice. Alive and vibrant.

She and Zuko stood shoulder to shoulder in the dry market as she eyed the shelves, right at the top sat the package of noodles she needed. Just out of her reach. She lifted her foot onto the second shelf, ready to hoist herself up, only to be grabbed by the back of her dress and brought back down on her toes. Zuko reached above her head and grabbed the sack, handing it to her with a cocky smile.

_"Thanks."_ She huffed in small defeat, _"And thanks for.. saving me, I guess."_

_"You're welcome. Thank you, too."_ Her face nodded in confusion and he continued, _"For calming me down. Another second and I would've filleted that idiot, along with half a dozen of his stupid cabbages."_

Her laughter was contagious and Zuko caught himself chuckling along with her. He found it nice to feel _normal_ for once.

_"How's your hand, by the way?"_ He felt her fingers wrap around his palm again, this time filling him with both a jolt of electricity and pain as he jerked it back. The cloth she'd torn from her sleeve almost a full day ago was barely hanging on by a thread, she could tell that it hadn't been washed again since she'd poured the last of their alcohol on it.

Kai sighed and looked up at him, the view spoke for itself, _"I think my roommates can wait a little while longer for dinner."_

* * *

Kai bought a small first aid kit and made Zuko wash out his wound in a nearby well. They wandered further away from the hustle and bustle of the lower ring, through the gates to the middle ring where things were a little bit quieter and took a seat at an outdoor patio. It was well lit, probably what some would consider a small park without the trees and landscaping. 

_"Give me your hand."_ Zuko held his palm face up on the table, it still seeped thin streams of blood onto the washed wood below. Kai splashed it with more alcohol, it seemed to sting worse this time. His chiseled features winced from the pain.

_"You're gonna hate me, but I think you might need a few stitches."_

Zuko almost scoffed and asked how she could possibly be so sure, only stopping when she turned her hand face up side by side with his own — as if she knew exactly what he was going to say before the words ever escaped his lips. A scar stretched across her entire hand, much longer than his own wound. One white slash lined with pale dots on either side.

_"It's either a couple of stitches or a nasty infection. You choose."_

He sucked in deep and the next thing he knew, a hooked needle and thread made their first incision at the edge of his palm. Thank god no one was around to hear, they might've thought someone was being mauled by a platypus-bear!

_"Holy fffffu— CAN'T YOU STITCH ANY FASTER, WOMAN?!"_

His dramatics made Kai's fingers question their every movement, she had to use one hand just to pin his wrist firmly against the table, _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Yelling at me isn't making it any better, what do you want me to do?!"_

Zuko slammed his free fist down on the wood and bit the inside of his cheek, feeling every bit of the massive fishhook inside of him. He needed something to take his mind off the pain, fast.

_"I don't know, Kai! Talk me through it, distract me, isn't that what they do at like.. hospitals??"_

_"Do I look like a freakin' nurse to you?!"_ She took a deep breath and gathered herself, focusing on the sutures in her hand and his skin that was begging to stay torn apart.

Zuko covered his eyes to stop himself from watching the surgery, _"Oh my god, just talk about yourself, jeez!"_

Kai'd told this story a hundred different times, a hundred different ways, to a hundred different people, _"I'm.. seventeen. I grew up in a military base close to Omashu."_ The needle pierced his skin again, but Zuko wasn't fighting anymore. She released her grip on his wrist and her free palm was quickly filled. He squeezed her fingers tight, nodding for her to continue.

_"I found out today that my father isn't here. So.. I guess coming to the city was kind of pointless. The upper ring sucks, it reminds me too much of home. Er, not home, but where I'm from."_

Zuko loosened his stronghold, _"You're staying in the upper ring? How'd you manage that?_ "

She shrugged, glancing up from her handiwork only for a moment, _"Let's just say someone owed me a favor."_

In and out, she threaded the needle and twine. The center was the most tender, or at least hers had been, _"What about you? Where are you from?"_ She asked, already knowing that the answers he gave would be lies, half truths at best.

_"Uh.."_ She pushed the hook through his skin again and he nearly lifted off of the seat, biting his lip to muffle the yell, _"The Fire Nation Capital! Jesus, fff--"_ A long string of colorful words flowed from his throat and Kai smiled, pursing her lips to stop the laughter from escaping.

_"You think this is just hilarious, don't you?"_ Zuko spoke with malice but, without looking up, Kai could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

_"Nope, not at all."_ She shook her head, _"That was just very impressive. You've got quite the vocabulary."_

_"Speak for yourself. Do all girls where you're from curse as much as you?"_

_"What girls?"_ Kai cut her eyes up at him, _"I was the only female in a camp of two hundred men. I might not know how to curtsy or eat noodles without slurping, but by god, I sure can swing a blade and spew profanities. Priorities, right?"_

She pulled the twine tight, closing his wound like a shoelace and tying off the end. Zuko's hand was swollen and slightly bloody. Bright, angry red. But he would be okay, it could heal properly now.

_"None? What about your mother?"_ Zuko watched Kai's mesmerizing eyes light up under the dimming lanterns that surrounded the pavilion. He hadn't met many earth benders yet, but he wondering if all of their women favored each other. He was starting to think that maybe this kingdom wasn't such an ugly place to be, not if they all looked like her. Smooth, tan skin with dark hair and bright eyes that just seemed so aware, so alive. Zuko didn't think he'd ever seen a Fire Nation girl with that sort of spark inside of them, most of them had been through much less too.

And now he was noticing the little things as well. Like the tiny scars that decorated her skin, overshadowed by the darker ones on her back. The sparse freckles that lined the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Zuko guessed that they probably disappeared during the colder months, not that it mattered. Come the end of summer they'd likely never see each other again, anyways.

_"I've been told recently that she lives in the lower ring. It's partially the only reason I'm still here. That, and now your uncle's delicious tea."_

_"I'll pass along the praise."_ While Zuko was admiring her precise stitch work, he remembered his other hand. It still gripped hers and she was making no moves to change things. He felt his nervous palms growing damp as her features began to shadow under the lanterns that were close to being completely extinguished.

_"I can re-light them, you know."_ His thumb stroked the top of her palm, _"If you wanted to, I don't know.. stay out here a little longer."_

Like Zuko, Kai hadn't met many fire benders in her lifetime. The few she had had been cruel, but no more so than her own people had been to her. Though she was beginning to appreciate the way this fire bender's warm blood complimented her fiery spirit.

She sighed, knowing that the gang was probably already growing worried, _"I really, really wish I could, Zuko. But --"_

_"It's fine."_ He cut her off abruptly, again feeling embarrassed and ashamed for letting his hormones get the best of him. Zuko's legs lifted his body from its resting place and he started away from the girl, _"I get it. You have other **obligations**."_

Kai refused to let go of Zuko's hand. She stood to her feet and held on tight while his strength threatened to pull her arm right out of its socket, _"Yeah, to my roommates you asshole!"_ She redirected him, pulling Zuko toward the direction of the upper ring, _"They're probably already assembling a search team. If I don't get back soon with their dinner, I won't live long enough to see you in that cute apron again."_

Zuko's cheeks warmed, though his eyes rolled in his skull, _"Oh.. right. Well, I'm at least walking you to the inner wall."_ He said, knowing damn well that the decision had already been made for him, _"I'd hate for you to run into another cabbage cart on your way home."_

_"Oh hardy-har-har."_

* * *

Kai and Zuko walked hand-in-hand closer to the inner wall, neither of them bringing it up but neither making a move to change anything either. She could feel his pounding heartbeat through his fingers. When they reached their stopping point, Kai finally let go of the boy's hand and leaned back against the stones. The cold didn't waste any time creeping back under her skin. 

_"So about that cabbage cart.. was it the fact that the guy was being such a dick that had you so hot, or the girlfriend thing?"_ She crossed her arms across her chest.

Zuko's hand went again to his grown out hair, eyes cast down to his feet, _"I, uh.. a little of both, I think.."_ He looked up and saw the first hint of uncertainty lacing the girl's face, _"Why do you ask?"_

_"No reason. I'd just hate for word to spread back to the fire nation that you were showing some earth bender around town --"_ She walked with her head held high and arms still crossed closer to Zuko, _"I wouldn't want one of **your** obligations getting jealous."_

Zuko came close to bursting out in laughter, she was asking him his status! He wanted so badly to clean out his ears, knock himself on the side of the head and ask her to repeat herself. Instead he met her stride and didn't stop until they were almost chest to chest. Not as close as they'd been forced together back in town, but close enough that he noticed her clenched jaw.

_"I think **you'd** be the one jealous. If I did have any obligations, that is."_

_"I am **not** jealous! I was just —"_

_"Curious?"_ Zuko interrupted, _"Right. I've heard that one before."_

Kai's clenched jaw loosened into a smile and her cheeks blushed pink, she turned toward the gates as he used her own words against her.

_"Hey, wait!"_ Zuko grabbed her hand before she could get too far, pulling her back, "My uncle wanted me to give you this." He shoved a piece of parchment into her satchel, _"It's a coupon for a free cup of tea. He says you'd be good for curb appeal."_

Were all Fire Nation men this charming? Kai felt her heart swoon over the compliment. He let go of her hand again and she continued backing away toward home, _"Tell your uncle that I planned on coming back tomorrow even without the free coupon."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I just started this new anxiety medicine so if my writing starts slipping please lmk. This chapter was written before I started it but was edited while on it. I hope you enjoy!!


	11. "You make grown men feel uncomfortable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super long chapter. Sorry.

Katara stretched her limbs in the massive doorway of their new apartment the next morning. Blue jays sang around her, the morning air was still crisp and clean. She noticed a scroll sticking out of their mail slot and unrolled it, gasping with excitement.

The doors slammed behind her as she ran into the sitting room, _"I've got it! I know how we're going to see the Earth King!"_

Kai and Toph were still lying back on a pile of over stuffed pillows, lazily popping powdered sugar covered treats into their mouths.

_"How are we supposed to do that?"_ Toph said with her mouth full, _"One doesn't just "pop" in on the Earth King."_

Katara held out the parchment for the group to see, a flyer painted with gold and green brush strokes, _"The king is having a party at the palace tonight for his pet bear!"_

_"You mean platypus-bear?"_ Aang asked from his seat on the floor.

_"No, just says 'bear'."_

_"Certainly you mean his pet skunk-bear."_ Sokka added, hanging upside down from a reading nook carved into the wall.

_"Nope. Just.. bear."_

Kai and Toph looked at each other and the older girl tried to imagine such a thing, _"This place is weird. But I say you guys should go for it."_

Katara grew excited again over their oldest member's support. She clutched the parchment to her chest, _"The palace will be packed. We can sneak in with the crowd! And —"_

_"Won't work."_ Toph interrupted, _"No offense to you simple country folk, but a real society crowd will spot you a mile away. You've got no manners!"_

The two earth benders knew it was true. They each shoved more pastries into their mouths and waited for the objection that was sure to come next.

_"Excuse me?_ ** _I've_** _got no manners?!"_ Kai was fond of Katara, but sometimes her voice sounded exactly like nails on a chalkboard. _Especially_ early in the morning, _"The two of you aren't exactly 'Lady Fancy Fingers'."_

_"Kai and I learned proper society behavior and_ ** _chose_** _to leave it."_ She said while throwing a half eaten dough ball to the side, _"You never learned anything. And frankly, it's a little too late."_

_"Give Katara some credit. With a little bit of training and change of wardrobe, I bet she could swing it. You two on the other hand —"_ Kai pointed her index and middle finger at the two boys, _"Would be lucky to pass as busboys."_

The three girls watched as Sokka and Aang pulled drapes over their shoulders, mimicking royalty by bowing to each other over and over, until they accidentally head butted. Kai rolled over in laughter and then righted herself, standing up to throw her arm over Katara's shoulders, _"Come on, let's doll the two of you up and you'll be ready in no time."_

They left the boys for the confines of their oversized bedroom, slamming the French doors behind them. Katara, Toph and Kai played around with makeup and upper ring style clothing for hours.

_"You don't think this is a little.. much?"_ Katara asked while looking in the mirror. A girl that she didn't recognize stared back at her, her eyelids painted light blue and cheeks splashed with bright pink blush to match her lips, _"I absolutely do, you'd never catch me with that much clown paint on."_ Kai pulled at Toph's unruly hair, trying her best to tame it into a neat updo that she'd seen a nobleman's wife sporting the day before, _"But this is a different world. The word "subtle" does not belong in an Upper Ring resident's vocabulary. Less is most_ ** _definitely_** _not more to these people."_

_"The way you're talking makes it sound as if you don't plan on coming with us, Kai."_ Toph asked while pulling her sore scalp the opposite way of Kai's fingers.

_"The Dai Li would spot me from a mile away, Toph. You know that."_

_"Yeah, but..."_ she sighed in defeat, _"I thought when you joined the gang, you'd be going on all of our cool adventures. But you've spent more time away from us that with us.."_

Kai stopped tugging at the knots in her friend's hair and sat down in front of her. She could see the genuine disappointment on Toph's face, which hung down against her chest.

_"Take my hands so you know I'm being truthful."_ Toph put her palms against Kai's and squeezed tight, _"You and I are here on two different missions. We serve two different purposes. I'm working on making sense of my past while you guys are ensuring the safety of our future."_

Kai thought back to that shy little girl that she'd met years ago, how she always knew that Toph would go on to do such great things, _"And I am_ ** _so_** _proud of you for that. I'll be there on the day of the eclipse, right beside you if Aang decides that's where I'm needed most. I'll even fight the Fire Lord myself if it comes down to it. But I'm best at being discreet, it's what I trained for my entire fucking life. Me being painted in bright colors and showing myself off isn't safe for any of us — especially not for you, considering the bounty your parents have set."_

She looked deep into the girl's pale grey eyes and felt her small fingers threaten to crush her bones into dust, before she finally tossed them down in defeat, _"I hate when you're right, you know."_

_"I know."_ Kai laughed, _"Now let's go show the guys what a_ ** _real_** _Upper Ring lady looks like."_

Kai dressed Katara and Toph up in the most expensive attire they'd ever worn. Pale green and beige robes with sleeves that hung low to hide their hands. Accents and orchids wrapped up in their hair. Aang and Sokka's jaws dropped as Kai pushed open the sliding French doors to reveal her hard work.

_"Wow, you look beautiful, Katara."_ Aang said while sizing up his crush. Katara opened her mouth as if to respond and Kai quickly snapped at her while leaning against the door frame, _"Don't speak to the commoners, Katara. You guys need to get going, the party will be starting soon. Make yourselves comfortable inside and then find a way to sneak in Sokka and Aang."_

_"You really think it'll be that easy?"_ Aang asked. And the honest answer would've been a simple "no". But truth be told, Kai was scared for her friends. She knew that they weren't as weightless on their feet as she, and she knew that they weren't as informed either.

_"Just keep your eyes peeled for the Dai Li and_ **_if_ ** _you actually speak to the King, cast your voices down. I don't know what the penalty is for speaking of the war inside these walls, but I'd bet that it's more than we're willing to part with."_

Aang stood to his feet and began following the others out the door, only to be stopped by a hand grasping his shoulder. He looked back toward the jade-eyed girl again, worry lingering behind her eyes this time, _"And if you find yourselves in trouble, do not hesitate to mention my name."_

His face shadowed over with determination. Aang was born a trusting boy and he'd held that same trait for over a hundred years. Or maybe it was a weakness. And though he still didn't know much about the girl in front of him, he still believed her to be a friend. So just like he did everyone else, he trusted the serious tone of her voice.

Aang nodded after her and left out the towering doors.

* * *

As soon as the doors clanked shut Kai made her way to the wardrobe she'd unpacked in late the night before. She stripped off her green and gold embellished dress and traded it in for the clothes she'd grown up in. She tied the black trousers around her waist, now fitting a little too tight in the hips thanks to puberty blessing her — though they still fit comfortably in the knees and calves before tapering at the ankle. Then she pulled on the dark v-necked shirt with sleeves that ended in wrist wraps. If she lifted her arms too far above her head, it rode up on her torso.

She'd left home in this outfit, bloodied and torn from her final and only defeat. Sometimes new friends would ask why she still wore the garments, why didn't she just buy new ones, or steal them from an unsupervised clothing line? The simple answer: They'd become her only real home. She felt comfortable in them. Like she could survive anything, even a brutal stoning from the hands of full grown men. And certainly a trip to the bustling lower ring of Ba Sing Se.

Kai strapped her blade holsters to her back and secured the door behind her, choosing to set off on foot this time. The upper ring was small, not many people were out roaming at this hour of the day. They were probably already at the palace, ready to stuff their wealthy bellies until they vomited it all up. Then they'd be ready to indulge again. The sun still hung high in the sky but she knew it would begin dipping down by the time she stepped onto the dirt streets.

The middle ring held beautiful fountains and babbling brooks with cherrywood bridges crossing over them. Kai passed by multiple lovers, they were abundant this time of year. And the gardens surrounding them were the perfect picnic spots.

Her eyes might've lingered for too long on one pair. A girl and boy, around eighteen years old. They fed each other off of a tray of strawberries and cream. Kai watched as the boy purposely left a dollop of sweet cream on his lips, a smooth move. And the girl knew what his plan was, but she still offered to kiss the treat off of his lips. Her heart fluttered for the couple as she saw the boy's fingers inching toward his girlfriend's closed knees. She cast her eyes away, giving them the privacy they deserved and continued on her journey.

She entered through the stone wall to the lower ring and suddenly, it was like she didn't exist at all. No one paid attention to another girl in old, worn out clothes wandering around this side of the city. They didn't need to, she was a dime a dozen. To the residents around her, the Dai Li agents that were tucked away behind closed doors, she was just another refugee. And she preferred it that way. Kai wandered through the never ending streets, her footsteps so light that she didn't even kick up any dust behind her as she strolled.

Her eyes merely glanced over most of the junk that they saw. Ceramic tea pots that were mass produced with a _"Handmade"_ stamp on the bottom, earth bending scrolls that demonstrated moves she'd learned far before even her first bleed. It wasn't knick knacks that she was searching for, anyways. She maneuvered her body through the small isles, taking a good, hard look at every single woman she saw. Most came from earth bender blood, for sure. They had the same basic features as her, dark brown hair and olive skin — but it was their eyes she was taking in. You see, it was common for Earth Kingdom women to have brown eyes of any shade; rich chestnut, warm cognac, maybe even a soft hazel. If they were lucky, they'd be blessed with dark emerald irises that only those who _truly_ looked at them noticed. Not Kai. Kai was born with eyes that _demanded_ attention. She remembered the few men she'd spoken to back at the military base (aside from her father and mentor), how they refused to look directly into them. Instead staring at her button nose or the freckles just below.

_"You make grown men feel uncomfortable. Like they're children being hunted in the forest by a lone cat-deer."_ Was a compliment once given to her by her mentor. She learned that this trait combined with a confident, but not cocky, attitude, made up for her small stature. The men around camp were sure to not underestimate the girl.

The lower ring was immense, much bigger than the middle and upper rings combined. She didn't come close to searching even a quarter of the entire city on foot. As the tangerine sun set lower and lower on the horizon she began to curse herself for not starting her journey earlier in the day.Kai stopped to rest her forehead against the cool stone of a stand alone shop, closing her eyes and taking in the darkness. Only for them to be jolted open again at the sound of her name, _"Kai!"_

She looked toward the ground, a small boyish looking girl and tall guy wearing a rice hat stood behind her, _"Hey, Smellerbee. Longshot. Fancy running into you two again."_

Kai had enjoyed her time with the Freedom Fighters, she'd found a sort of wild comfort in running with them. They didn't judge her seemingly random outburst of aggression. In fact, they'd encouraged it — helped her express it, even. Smellerbee reminded her of Toph sometimes, she thought that maybe that was why she'd stuck around for as long as she did. But in the end, the Freedom Fighters were always just a bunch of lost kids. They relied on Jet for guidance and direction, and Kai wasn't lost. She didn't need a leader, as she had learned by then to be her own.

_"You haven't seen Jet, have you? He's kinda —"_

_"Fucking nuts? What's new."_ Kai asked and rolled her eyes, _"I caught him spying on Lee and Mushi last night, he's convinced they're fire benders. I haven't seen him today."_

Longshot shook his head disapprovingly and Smellerbee let out a hard sigh, _"He's really losing it this time, Kai. We've tried convincing him to let it go, but he just won't listen!"_

She motioned for the pair to walk with her and they followed, weaving between strangers and avoiding produce carts while they listened to her speak, _"We all know that Jet's gonna do what Jet wants to do. Everyone's out to get him and if you aren't with him, you're against him, blah-blah-blah."_ She stopped shy of a long, dim alley and grabbed Smellerbee by the shoulders, pointing the girl in the direction of two tall men. They pulled their pointed hats lower on their faces, dressed in green and black robes, _"But you see those guys? They don't give a flying fuck what you or I or Jet have been through."_

Longshot's brow furrowed as he and Smellerbee looked at each other and then back to Kai. Smellerbee asked, _"What are you saying?"_

_"I'm saying that if you find him, just tell him to keep his mouth shut about the war."_ Her voice lowered when she said the forbidden "W" word. It hadn't been outright stated, but she could take a hunch. The way Joo Dee kept blowing Sokka off every time he mentioned the word, the fact that those men in robes were the only other ones besides Long Feng in that lair beneath the lake. She knew it was all connected, _"He's gonna find himself in a whole lot of trouble and I already told you guys back in the colonies — I won't save his ass again."_

Longshot and Smellerbee tried to sneak another glance down the alley, but the men were gone. And when they looked back, so was their old friend. She'd disappeared into a sea of people, just like she had into an ocean of trees many, many months ago.

* * *

Zuko turned the corner, making his way back around the counter with a now empty tea tray. He'd been taking it upon himself to wait every customer that visited their tea shop that evening, secretly hoping that behind one of the many messy braids that stumbled in would be a familiar kind smile.

_"This is the best tea in the city!"_ A patron sitting at the bar swallowed down his tea in one sip. It was the thousandth time Zuko'd heard someone say it that evening. And for the thousandth time Iroh responded, _"The secret ingredient is_ ** _love_** _."_

_"I'd like a cup too, please."_ Kai swiveled in her bar stool and rested her elbows on the rough wooden counter, her hands cupping her chin, _"I have a coupon, does it cover that "love" stuff?"_

She smiled across the way at the two men. Zuko felt his chest tingle, his legs became lighter, and he fought the urge to return her kind smile but failed in doing so. The corner of his lips tugged upwards on his mug, only to be brought down again when his uncle's meaty hand slapped him on the back, _"I think my nephew can handle that!"_

_"Oh I'm sure he can. Jasmine, please."_ Kai slid the coupon she'd had for less than a day across the bar. Zuko slipped it into his apron pocket and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving his uncle and the girl to chit chat in his absence.

_"How kind of my nephew to offer our favorite customer a free cup of tea. I didn't even know this shop offered them! He said something about owing you a drink or two?"_

Her eyebrows rose and Kai realized that maybe she wasn't nearly as smart as the girl she'd seen back in the middle ring. The one who knowingly gave into her lover's plan to steal a kiss from the girl's lips. Or maybe Zuko was just much more savvy than she anticipated. _My uncle wanted me to give this to you. It's a free coupon, he says you'd be good for curb appeal --_ She recalled him saying. She'd blushed at the thought of the old man actually saying such a thing, and now that she knew whose mouth it really came from.. she felt her whole body heat up and prayed it wouldn't show on her face.

_"Well we do seem to be doing a good job of running into each other lately."_ The sound of steam whistling through a kettle and teacups clanking against each other could be heard from where they sat. Zuko would be back soon, and she needed a little more time with the old man, _"Say, you don't happen to have a Pai Sho table around here, do you? I've been itching to play a round, and you seem like a great opponent."_

Just as Iroh's eyes widened and his mouth dropped, Zuko pushed his way through the swinging doors and sat the cup down in front of her. She reached for the ceramic glass before he had the chance to pull his hands fully away, their fingers brushing against each other. Just as she'd suspected, his digits were unnaturally hot. Much hotter than the cup itself.

_"Did you hear that, nephew? Your friend fancies a nice game of Pai Sho!"_ He leaned in close to Zuko, earning an effective side eye from the teenager in the process and whispering not too quietly, _"I knew there was a reason I liked her."_

Kai giggled into her cup and savored the taste of a well made cup of tea filling her stomach. Iroh decided to give them some privacy, walking away to tend to other customers.

_"So..."_ Zuko said nervously while rubbing the stubble on the back of his neck, _"How long are you in the Lower Ring for tonight?"_

She set the cup down, ready to tell Zuko that she could stick around for as long as he wanted her to, when she felt all the tiny hairs on her body stand on end. Zuko noticed her eyes dart to the side, as if she could hear something that his ears were falling deaf to. And as if in time with her body's natural response, the front door swung open and slammed against the wall behind it.

_"These two men are fire benders!"_ Jet stepped into the tea shop pointing one of his hooked swords directly across the room. Directly at Zuko, _"I_ ** _know_** _they're fire benders. I saw the old man heating his tea!"_

Kai groaned, responding sarcastically, _"Yeah, Jet. They work in a tea shop."_

Two men stood from their nearby chairs, talking slowly as if to not startle him, _"Drop your swords, boy. Nice and easy."_

Jet unsheathed his second hook, walking slowly toward Zuko, _"You'll have to defend yourself. Then everyone will know. Go ahead, show them what you can do."_

Zuko rounded the edge of the counter and Kai shuffled out of her chair, throwing her arm over her shoulder and grabbing the handle of her blade, _"You really, really don't want to do thi--"_ She took a single step toward the paranoid boy before a firm hand landed on her shoulder, pushing her back into her seat. Zuko took it upon himself to grab her swords from the holster on her back. It was music to his ears, hearing the blades whistle as they cut through the air.

_"No, Kai. If he wants a show, I'll give him a show!"_ Zuko grabbed a nearby table with his foot, launching it toward Jet.

Kai rolled her eyes, turning back to the bar that Iroh stood behind. She brought her cup back to her lips and took another long sip, _"Just let me know when you're ready for me to break them up."_

*****

It was a lengthy battle. Iroh visibly cringed every time one of his tables or chairs got destroyed, though he still honored Kai's request for a refill when she asked. His eyes darted back and forth between his struggling nephew and the girl, who seemed far too collected for the situation ensuing around them.

Zuko was kicked through the front door, landing on the dirty street just outside and Jet ran after him.

_"We should probably follow."_ Kai said while gathering her saucer and starting toward the exit. All of the other patrons had already rushed outside, forming a small crowd around the pair.

_"You must be getting tired of using those swords. Why don't you just fire bend at me?"_ Jet enticed. Their blades locked and Zuko was struggling to get the upper hand. Kai leaned coolly against the exterior of the building while Iroh hung out the door shouting, _"Please, son, you're confused! You don't know what you're doing!"_

Zuko leapt to his feet and Jet swung low, forcing him to retreat a few steps. But he was able to pin one of Jet's swords to the ground, pulling it from his grasp and tossing it to the side. Kai watched Jet's eye twitch and his jaw stiffen, he thrust his remaining hook toward Zuko but missed. And when Zuko swung his blade at Jet's head, Jet was able to stealthily limbo out of its way before somersaulting backwards onto the well behind him.

_"You see that?!"_ Jet yelled to the refugees surrounding them, _"The Fire Nation is trying to silence me! It'll_ ** _never_** _happen!"_ He hooked the top of the well and swung off of it, his foot flying straight toward the scarred boy.

Kai looked over her shoulder at Iroh, unamused and unimpressed with the two, _"Just say the word."_

He didn't quite understand what exactly she meant, but anything to get his nephew out of trouble.. Iroh nodded his head and watched the girl kick off her boots. She stepped onto the rough, dusty ground of the dirt streets and breathed deep. Her eyes closed but she could see much more clearly now -- she walked blindly toward the battle.

_"Kai! What are you --"_ She held a silencing hand up at Iroh and continued forward. Electric blue waves of vibration flowed through her body until just the right moment.

She heard Zuko's low growl as she got even closer to the two of them, Zuko swung his blade and missed as Jet shifted behind him. The boys were back to back, both lifted their weapons simultaneously, ready to turn in unison and put a gaping hole in each other's sides.

Only to be stopped by their sworded hands being grabbed at the wrists. Zuko and Jet both felt their arms twist in unnatural directions, they yelped in pain as their knees were kicked out from under them one after the other. Iroh's eyes widened with disbelief as the girl took them down with such ease. Kai shook their subdued hands free of their weapons, kicking them to the side of the street.

_"Kai, help me! Tie his hands!"_ Jet demanded while pebbles dug into his boney knees. He still didn't understand the severity of the crime he'd just committed.

She leaned to the side, mumbling into Zuko's ear, _"Get the twine out of my pack, will ya?"_

Her hands, which he'd just found out were much stronger than they looked, released their grip on him. Zuko's arm sprung back to his side and he felt a wave of relief wash over him as he stretched his pulled muscles. Kai moved quickly to grab Jet's other hand, pulling it behind his back as Zuko tossed the twine to her side. She wrapped it around Jet's wrists and tied it tightly on the outside, pulling him up to his feet.

Two of those cloaked men, the Dai Li agents, walked up to the crowd, _"What's going on here?? Break it up!"_

_"Arrest them, they're fire benders!"_ Jet yelled, _"And arrest her, too! She's their sympathizer!"_

Iroh stepped forward, he really could look like a timid old man when he wanted to be, _"This poor boy is confused, we're just simple refugees."_

Kai recognized one of the men, she'd wrapped her hand around his throat and brought him easily to the ground. Just as easily as she had Zuko and Jet. He eyed her up and down, surely remembering the words she'd whispered in his ear, _"What's_ ** _really_** _going on here, miss?"_

She looked down at Jet, feeling the heartbeat in his wrist as it raced against her own. He glanced up at her with fury radiating from his black eyes and growled, _"You're a traitor, Kai. To your nation and to your fucking father."_

Her head shook as she pushed the boy toward the agents, _"Mushi is right, Jet's just very confused. He always has been."_

_"Come with us, son."_ One of the Dai Li said as they replaced the twine with stone handcuffs. They escorted him to a prisoner wagon while he yelled at their deaf ears, _"You don't understand! They're Fire Nation! You have to believe me!"_

The crowd dispersed until it was just the three. Zuko, Kai and Iroh stood in front of the shop, the girl watching the wagon wheel away as the two men had their eyes set on her. Zuko rubbed his sore wrist, going over the entire battle in his mind until he finally spoke sourly, _"I had that under control, you know."_

She turned back toward him, _"A simple 'thank you' will suffice."_ Her eyes dared him to say anything different. Iroh bent at the waist, grabbing her swords that his nephew had stolen off of her back. She holstered them and went back to her cup of tea, which she'd set on the jut of a windowsill, only to find it ice cold.

_"Can you warm this for me, please?"_ She asked, extending her cup to Iroh. He took it silently in his hands and turned toward the door to the shop, _"No. I want you to_ ** _warm_** _it for me -- right here, right now."_

Iroh glanced at his reflection in her all-knowing eyes, hesitating for a moment as he questioned who she really was.

_"She, uh.. she kinda already knows, uncle.."_ Zuko reassured.

Her cup slowly began to steam again in the man's hands and a warm smile welcomed him on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone link me to any good Sokka x OC fics on here or Wattpad? I don't like reading fics in the same genre that I'm writing in BUT I'm feeling some Sokka love lately!
> 
> Thinking about writing a little bit of Sokka x Kai tension waaaaayyyy later in this fic. What do you guys think?


	12. Are You Scared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No italics this time bc I’m posting from mobile.

Pao, the tea shop owner, left shortly after the dual. Trusting his newest employees to close up shop swiftly and not linger like they were doing now. Iroh fanned out the overhead lanterns and lit two smaller ones by the bar, blowing a brief flame from his throat. From the outside the shop would look vacant, but the three of them could see each other just fine.

"It would have been nice for my nephew to give me a little bit of warning. How long have you known, dear?" Iroh's aging features were illuminated, he looked much older in the dim light. He wondered what had made Zuko trust this girl so easily when, to his knowledge, they'd only known her for a handful of days.

"A few weeks. Not of you, of course. But of Zuko."

"A few _WEEKS_?!" The old man repeated, looking to his nephew for answers.

Zuko scrambled to respond, "We met at a military occupied village when you and I were.." He stumbled over the sore memory of abandoning his elder, "Apart. A family that was hosting her generously offered to house me for the night as she was leaving."

You would've thought this was the scene of a father catching his normally obedient teenage son sneaking out with his secret girlfriend late in the light, Iroh was shocked. Not that his nephew had hidden a part of his life from him, he was certain Zuko did that more often than necessary -- but that he'd seemingly already opened up to the stranger before Iroh himself did. He swallowed hard, hoping that Zuko did so with good judgement of character, and formally introduced himself for the first time.

"Well I'm not sure what trait of yours sprouted a rare trustworthiness out of my nephew, probably your smile." Zuko gagged as his uncle flirted with the girl, "But nonetheless, any friend of Zuko's is a friend of mine. My name is Iroh."

He held out his hand and Kai happily took it in her own. She felt his fingertips, they reminded her very much of Zuko's. Their warmth, their meatiness. But Iroh's were different, they were smooth in comparison to Zuko's rough, calloused ones. With the simple brush of their hands, she could sense every emotion and doubt going through his head. She could feel the blood pumping through his veins with every elevated heartbeat. But she couldn't let him know that she was able to feel all of that.

"It's very nice to formally meet you, Iroh. My name is still Kai. Is there anything I can do to assure you that your secret is safe with me?"

"Hm.." Iroh stroked his long, white beard. He was still curious as to how she'd come to be such an expert in hand to hand combat, "Your ability to subdue both Jet and my nephew, who is very highly trained, with such ease is impressive. Tell me, where did you study?"

Kai slowly sucked in a deep breath, ready to not lie, but tell a less complicated version of the truth, "My father had me home schooled. I think he didn't want me picking up any sloppy habits from students that weren't..." Born to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their nation? Yeah, that was the real reason for her private trainer, "serious, I guess. I was lucky to have such skilled trainer."

Zuko's hands met the countertop with force. Both Kai and Iroh had been able to feel Zuko's annoyance since the moment his battle had ended, ignoring it up until now. His voice was low in case anyone was listening from the outside, though still hostile, "Enough! This isn't speed dating!" His heavy feet stomped against the floor, bringing him closer to Kai as he pointed an extended finger at her chest, snarling in her face, "I didn't need your help! I can handle my own, and I was just about to —"

Kai barely glanced down at the finger threatening her before looking back up at him, Zuko immediately regretted his rash decision, "What you were about to do would've landed you in a jail cell, where Jet is sitting as we speak. Now, I've already told you once — a simple 'thank you' will suffice. This, however, I will not repeat." She stood from her chair. Zuko didn't retreat, he watched the flame from the lanterns flicker aggressively in her pupils, "Get your dirty finger off of me before I crush every bone in your hand without thinking twice about it."

Zuko held onto her stare for sometime before finally, reluctantly, lowering his hand to his side. Something stirred inside of him, deep in his loins. This girl that he'd just locked hands with the day before, that stitched his wounds and ran her fingers over his scar, she wouldn't cower to his immature outbursts. She challenged him to his face, something that he wasn't very used to after commanding his own ship while searching for the avatar for three long years.

Iroh broke the silence that remained between the pair, "She's right, Zuko. It's been some time since you've had the opportunity to spar regularly. I think you might benefit from learning a few techniques that only an earth bender could teach."

Zuko stepped back from Kai and slapped his forehead. He understood what was being proposed and wanted no part of what he knew to be a coy matchmaking scheme, "What? Uncle! I had that under control, I've trained plenty!"

Kai took back her seat between the two men, listening to them go back and forth over whether or not Zuko'd really had things "under control". He hadn't. His years of training had been based solely around fighting other fire bending opponents, because in what world would he not be able to use flames to his advantage? He hadn't been taught how to simply subdue the enemy, it was always all or nothing. And in this new, strange world; all or nothing could cost you everything.

"Enough, Zuko!" Iroh shouted while holding up a silencing palm, "You haven't trained in weeks! I'm getting too old to go hand to hand with you, and that boy was clearly a worthy challenge. You need to be able to protect yourself during times like these, when your bending is of no use!"

Zuko crossed his arms over his chest like the spoiled prince he was. Kai didn't know much about his time spent away from the royal palace. Hell, she didn't even really know much about his life at the royal palace. But she was starting to think that their journeys outside of home had been much different up until this point. And she may no longer feel the need to end Zuko's life, but that didn't mean it wouldn't feel nice to put him in his place.

"Are you scared?" She asked. Her voice so sweet and honest that Zuko could only respond with a confused, "Huh?"

"Are. You. Scared." Kai asked again, purposely slow talking him this time. He scoffed and refused to answer her, which brought a mischievous smile to her flawless face. She slid off the barstool and reached over her shoulder, taking a few steps across the room. When she turned back around, she tossed the blade to Zuko. It spun midair, the same way they'd tossed her small knife back and forth while enjoying each other's company on the creaky wooden floors of the ferry. He caught it this time and watched her hold tight onto the other one.

"I'm _not_ fighting you." He said again with almost an entertained tone of voice.

"That's fine." Kai laughed. With the wave of one hand every chair and table moved out of their way, leaving a makeshift sparring ground for them, "I'll kick your ass either way."

She lurched forward and brought her blade down swiftly over her head. Zuko struck back, defending himself. Their swords clanked together and Kai used Zuko's defensive stance to her advantage, forcing his arms down to his waist. She used his own weapon against him, twisting it in his hands with so much force that he went with it — sending him spiraling onto his back against the yet-to-be-swept shop floors.

Zuko let out a grunt as he hit the ground, still unaware of what exactly just happened. His eyes opened and above him stood Kai, her blade resheathed on her back. The other now laid out to his side.

"Fight me, Zuko. Or I'll be stitching up even more of your wounds." She smiled as she knelt down just above his head, her forearms resting on her thighs. "Not that I mind doing so."

It reminded him of the playful wrestling he and Mai used to engage in as kids. When they were far too young to understand that they were flirting, just wanting to feel the other's skin against their own. Zuko felt his neck and ears boiling with heat, prayed that it couldn't be seen in the low light from the lanterns on the bar. He waited, didn't respond to her flirtatious mocking, until he saw her eyes roll. Now she wouldn't see it coming.

Zuko reached up and hooked his arms under hers, pulling her down in a child-like overhead flip. But she was gelatinous, she melted out of his grip and sprung back up.

"That's the spirit! Come on, to your feet!" She laughed with small strands of silky hair hanging down in her face. Two fingers made the briefest of motions upward and the floor beneath him followed, bouncing him up as if he were on a trampoline.

She stood still with her hands folded behind her back, still barefoot from breaking up the fight earlier. Zuko looked her up and down, noticing the way her pants were just a little too tight. Or maybe they fit just right for his liking. He squeezed his palms tight and held in his fire, reminding himself that this was not an Agni Kai.

"You really want a fight?" Zuko stalked toward the girl, who cocked an eyebrow, seemingly amused, "Fine!"

Just before they were face to face, he dropped low to the ground — spinning his foot toward her ankle. He'd used this move dozens of times, taken out numerous opponents. But Kai hopscotched over his leg and around his lanky body, delivering a blow to the middle of back that landed him right where he'd just been. On the floor. Only face down this time.

She kept her bare foot on the center of his back, he knew she couldn't possibly weigh what he was feeling holding him down. He couldn't move.

"Never let your enemy get your back." She lowered her foot onto the ground beside him and allowed Zuko to roll over. He was once again looking up into her features that seemed to radiate even in the cover of the night, "If I have your back, I have your life in the palm of my hand. Most people won't hesitate to end it."

She held her hand out to help him up. Why would she bother when Zuko knew good and well that she could spring him to his feet by simply making the decision in her mind? Zuko took a good, hard look at that hand. It was the same one that he'd ran his fingers across the night before. She'd brushed those fingers across his scarred temple and pulled his face to hers before whispering delicately in his ear. Those hands were powerful. But now they were showing weakness.

He grabbed her hand and yanked her down to the floor beside him. She gasped and hit the ground hard, eyes wide with astonishment as she looked over to him.

She smiled, understanding that this was his way of saying that they really were friends. Or at least the closest thing he'd ever had to one.

"When are you free?" He asked, trying not to succumb to her infectious laughter. She responded through bleary eyes, "Right now."

* * *

"Can't we do this at your place?" Zuko asked as he hesitated to open the door of his new home. He was embarrassed. The first time he was ever bringing a girl home, and it had to be to this shit hole? Not only was he a peasant in a city full of thieves, she was better off than him! If this were Capital City, he'd waste no time showing her around. Showing her off. Kai would surely be in awe of his amazing home. He'd lead her to the training grounds where they could spar without running the risk of knocking over a tea pot over hitting one of the walls that were far too close together.

"No way! My roommates would lose it if I brought someone home." She replied, just thinking of the Aang Gang finding out who she was with.. no, she pushed that thought out of her mind. They were busy at the palace still, they wouldn't be home until late in the evening and by then she'd already be tucked safely into bed.

Zuko pushed open the creaky door and held it open for her, casting his eyes down so he wouldn't have to see her disappointment. Only Kai didn't take a second look at the room around her. She dropped her sack onto the floor and made herself at home.

"I'm sure this isn't what you're used to.. it isn't what I'm used to either." Zuko said as he closed and locked the door behind him.

She smirked and looked up from her feet, pulling her boots off and tossing them to the corner, "I'm used to hammocks, hay lofts, and strangers' beds, Zuko. This place is a fucking spa resort compared to where I've spent most of my nights."

The "strangers' beds" part made Zuko.. uncomfortable. He knew he couldn't be the only male to notice the way her hips curved up into the small of her waist. Or the way her trousers tightened around her thighs. And being homeless, it was hard enough for a disgraced price, he couldn't imagine the things that women had to do to survive. Actually, he could.. he just prayed that it wasn't the same things Fire Nation women had to succumb themselves to.

Zuko pushed their coffee table to the side and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, "So we just.. fight?"

Kai moved to the windows, pulling open the wooden panes to let the cool summer air blow in from the north, "I mean, I was gonna suggest we just do some yoga. You've had it pretty rough today."

Zuko motioned at the space he'd made for them, hinting for her to lead the way. She took the spot beside him and stretched her arms far above her head, twisted her spine until it cracked at the meeting of every vertebrae, and then leaned far out in front of her feet.

"This is an easy one. It's called 'Downward Facing Dog'." Her hands flattened against the floor as she bent at the waist, her long braid falling over her head. Zuko's eyes followed her spine, down to the gap of sun kissed skin that showed between her shirt and trousers. He resisted allowing his gaze to voyeur further, much like he hadn't allowed himself to watch her undress from the roof of the barn. Though he thanked the Spirits, and his uncle for offering to clean up on his own, immensely.

He copied her stance, leaning his aching body over and resting his palms against the ground. Zuko counted her breaths and soon, they were inhaling and exhaling in time with each other.

"Down, into the Cobra." Her voice turned smoothly melodic, this was a form of meditation to her. Zuko had been pushed into meditation classes before, by his uncle and teachers at the Royal Academy, but he'd never really gotten the hang of it.. and he'd stretched before, but never bothered with something as feminine as yoga.

"This is stupid. I can do stretches on my own time." Zuko grumbled.

"Yeah? Grab your ankles then." Kai dared. She demonstrated by folding her body in closer to itself, wrapping her fingers easily around her ankle without the slightest bend of the knee.

Zuko scoffed, of course I can grab my own fucking ankles. He pulled his body inward and -- nope! His knees folded in, and whenever he tried to straighten them out, his back shifted up. Leaving him only able to barely grip the bottom of his shins. He looked over, still bent at the waist, to find Kai with a upside down "told you so" grin on her face.

"Part of being a good fighter is being flexible, Zuko." She laid her body against the cool floor and used her arms to bend her back and chest forward, "And you're already a good fighter. Doing a couple of yoga poses every day will only make you better."

Zuko followed her down, held his chin higher when she told him to, pulled his legs up into what she called a "high lunge". 

"This next one might be a little difficult for you." She said as they sat face to face with their feet together, thighs spread a part in the cobbler's pose. He looked up from his straining hamstrings, brow furrowed and deep frown lines curious.

"Unclench your jaw, Zuko."

It was such a simple request that it caught Zuko by surprise. His jaw had been clenched for so long, he never even realized he was doing it anymore, "Oh, um.." He stretched his mouth open and instantly felt the strain loosening.

"This last one is better done outside." Kai said, standing to her feet. Zuko followed her out the back door, down the three steps of their tiny "back porch" and onto the grass of the open, shared yard.

She laid back into the over grown grass, arms flat out to her sides and closed her eyes.

"That's it?" Zuko asked, feeling awkward as he stood over the girl. She popped one eye open and nodded in response, "It's called the Corpse Pose."

Kai patted the spot next to her and Zuko slowly, carefully lowered himself to it. The grass was cool against the nape of his neck, he hadn't realized how hot he'd gotten by forcing his body to stretch to its limit.

"Was this part of your training?" Zuko asked after some time, his eyes still closed.

"Mhm. This was my favorite part." Kai replied as she reminisced. She opened her eyes, wondering if Bumi was looking up at the same stars that she was, "My father tried to have it scrapped from my training schedule. But on the clearest nights, my master would sneak me out after everyone was already asleep. We'd finish with this pose and then he'd tell me about the stars and the spirits."

Zuko didn't have any memories like that to compare to. His training had been strenuous, mentally taxing. Mostly because it seemed like he just couldn't seem to get it, not like he could now. He didn't have anyone back then to teach him about the stars and the spirits, the birds and the bees..

"You believe in them then?" He asked, eyes still closed. Zuko didn't, he hadn't been raised to. His allegiance was with the Fire Nation and Lord Ozai, no one else. But he'd still been taught about their mythology and folklore in school.

When Kai didn't respond right away, Zuko's eyes cracked open. He looked over to see visible pain on her face before shifting his line of sight back up toward the sky. And what would he find staring right back? Why, the clearest, brightest night sky he'd ever seen.

"Wow.. I don't think the stars shine like this back in the Fire Kingdom." There were so. many. Zuko didn't bother trying to count them all, he knew it would've been of no use.

"You see that one? It's the Lupus." Zuko followed her hand as she pointed out the ten stars that made the figure of a wolf, "My father always claimed the Spirits pointed that one out to him, told him that he'd have a great son that would sacrifice himself for the sake of their nation." She scoffed and dropped her hand, dragging it behind her head and continued, "Guess he was real disappointed."

Zuko felt his body shifting closer to the girl. Originally thinking it was her, bending the ground in her favor and forcing the two of them to close the spacious gap. But no.. it was him. He nonchalantly scooted closer, feeling a magnetic pull that was far too strong for him to resist. He too knew what it was like to be treated as a mistake.

"An old man told my father shortly after I was born that I didn't have a "spark" in my eyes. He told him that there was no way I was a bender."

"So what?" Kai replied, shrugging her shoulders. She'd prayed night after night to not be a bender, maybe then her father would've dropped her off on some loving family's doorstep. She would've had a much different life, surely.

"He tried to cast me over the fireplace." Zuko snapped, quickly shaking the anger from his face and doing again what Kai had instructed him to earlier -- unclench his jaw, "The only reason he didn't was because of my mother. She stopped him, begged him to give me more time. Eventually I proved that I am a bender.. but never as good as my sister. Never good enough for him to be satisfied."

Kai's soul that was made of ice cold stone burned hot like the center of the Earth. His story made her almost regret her decision to not kill the Fire Lord. This world would be an infinitely better place without him, she knew it. Kai turned on her side, resting her arm against the ground and her head on her arm. His eyes were glassed over with tears that threatened to spill down his cheek. She reached her fingers out and brushed his skin, the levy finally broke.

Zuko only shed a single tear but it singed her fingers. He leaned into her open palm and relished in the way she stroked his cheek with her thumb, his mother used to do just the same.

"What was she like?" Kai whispered, having never known the comfort of her own mom. She'd met a few women in the colonies and villages that'd been kind to her, but many more'd had sons. Sons that they didn't want spending too much time with a girl like her.

Zuko turned on his side to face her, her palm still resting under his cheek. His bank of childhood memories seemed so vast, there were so many bad things that had happened. But nestled deep below all the bad things was her.

"She was.. strong, but kind. And she believed in me." He struggled to find the words to accurately describe her, and it'd been so long since... "You remind me a lot of her."

Kai smiled at the compliment, it was nice to be compared to someone other than her war mongering father for once.

"What was her name?" She asked, to which Zuko replied without hesitation, "Ursa."

Kai laughed briefly at the irony and moved her hand from Zuko's face, pointing right above his head, "See those legs that extend off the The Big Dipper?"

His hand followed hers, he wasn't as good as guiding his eyes to the constellations as she was. So she laid her fingers over top his, moving his hand to the legs and toes that the stars formed in the sky, "That's Ursa, the Great She-Bear." Kai moved his fingers northeast, tracing another nearby shape, "And that's her son, Little Bear. According to legend, they were cast into the heavens together."

Kai moved her hand off of his but Zuko's fingers hung in the air, tracing over the constellations that mirrored a relationship he once knew. From here, they seemed so close together. But he knew how far apart they truly were. For a moment Kai thought that she might've upset him, that she didn't need to be making connections where there weren't any. She stood to her feet and gripped his still reaching hand, hoisting Zuko to his feet.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have --"

The rest of her words were cut short when Zuko pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around her narrow shoulders and hugged her tighter than he had anyone since the night his mother left. He breathed her scent deep into his lungs as he buried his nose against the top of her head, fresh grass and the gardens of lavender that she'd walked through in the middle ring. Kai was stunned, but she softened in his grasp. She held tight onto the back of his shirt, thinking of all the times her father warned her about this boy.

He'd warned her that a fire bender's blood would flow like lava. That their tears would be as sweet as nectar, but would burn her throat going down. What he hadn't bothered to warn her about was the boy's touch -- how she would crave it insatiably once she got a taste.

"Thank you, Kai." He mumbled into her hair, pulling away from her at once and clearing his throat. She nodded at him, not wanting to cause any embarrassment, and pointed a thumb back over her shoulder, "My roommates.."

"Right." Zuko replied, leading her back into the apartment where she pulled her pack and blade holsters hastily over her shoulders, "Will you be back?"

He asked just as she was scurrying out the door, trying to feel like she wasn't being suffocated by his mere presence. Kai stopped dead in her tracks and asked, "I'm your new sparring partner, aren't I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve finally got the ball rollin’, guys!  
> I’m so excited, I have a commission of Kai coming soon as well as some Kai x Zuko art work as well.  
> You guys tell me what you’re thinking so far, I love hearing from you all! 💚


	13. Double Date Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iroh sets Zuko and Kai up on a double date  
> Season 2, Episodes 14 & 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEEP THE BOTTOM OF THIS CHAPTER FOR A COMMISSION OF OUR GIRL KAI!! FOLLOW @ArtByBubbles ON TWITTER FOR MORE OF HER AWESOME ARTWORK

Aang, Katara, Sokka and Toph stood in horror. The dark green walls of the Royal Palace library surrounded them, while far below their feet Jet sat restrained in front of a flashing white light. A neon fire roared behind Long Feng, who'd pulled them out of the birthday party early.

Aang threatened the Grand Secretarian, telling him that he would spill the secrets of the war to every citizen of Ba Sing Se. A threat that wouldn't go over lightly between those walls. Long Feng leaned down, meeting Aang's boyish face with a stern, unflinching stare and warned him.

_"Until now, you've been treated as our honored guest -- thanks to your acquaintance, Kai. But from now on, you will be watched every moment by Dai Li agents. If you mention the war to anyone, you will be expelled from the city. And the girl..."_ He stood back up straight, hands tucked coolly behind his back and walked toward the fire, _"She will be collected and returned to which she came from, where she will face the consequences of her crimes."_

_"Crimes?"_ Toph whispered to herself.

_"I understand you've been looking for your bison."_ Long Feng continued while peeking over his shoulder, _"It would be quite a shame if you were not able to complete your request."_

Aang's body visibly tensed with pure fear, before going rigid with rage. Long Feng didn't care, he didn't have the mental capacity to be bothered by the emotions of a teenage boy. He took a seat at his chair in the middle of the room and the group heard the towering doors open, followed by Long Feng's voice again, _"Now, Joo Dee will show you to your home."_

They turned and the women facing them was _not_ the Joo Dee they'd met before.

* * *

Kai scaled the top of the stories high wall that separated the lower ring from the middle, she looked over the edge at the ground that was far below her. For some, free-falling from this height would be a death sentence. A suicide attempt, no doubt. But for her, it would hopefully serve as a breath of fresh air, a wake up call. She spun on her heel and fell back-first, her braid whipping around in the atmosphere. The cool air quickly dried her sticky, salty skin and helped her suck in a deep, refreshing breath.

And right before she hit the ground, it faltered beneath her. Catching her fall like a bed of feather pillows stuffed and stitched just for a prince. _A prince._ She sprung to her feet and surfed across dry land, all the way to the next wall where she replayed her actions all over again. It didn't help. Her swollen heart still pounded against her rib cage, she couldn't shake the feeling of his fingers off of her skin.

Just as her last wave of uprooted earth pushed her to the apartment, she noticed a carriage sitting in their cobblestone driveway. Her friends spilled out of it one by one, their heads cast down in what she assumed to be defeat. Kai rubbed her face, hoping to push the blood out of her cheeks and straightened her hair as she followed them up the steps.

The minute the door shut behind her, Sokka spun around and shoved her against it. His boomerang grasped in his hand, forearm pinning her shoulders back. He was inches from her face, snarling like a rabid animal, _"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"_

Kai's attitude didn't change, she looked bored of the dramatic charade and didn't bother trying to push Sokka off of her.

_"She didn't_ ** _do_** _anything, numbnuts!"_ Toph yelled, delivering an effective blow to Sokka's rib cage, _"That Grand-whatever is a liar, he was just trying to turn us against her!"_

Kai stepped over Sokka, who'd fallen to the ground clutching his bruised torso. She sighed, _"Great, I take it you guys met my old friend, Fengy."_

The room went silent, none of them wanted to admit what had happened tonight -- especially not Kai. She fell back onto one of the piles of floor pillows and rubbed her temples, nursing the migraine that had formed on her journey back home. Katara sat down on the ground beside her, pulling her knees up to her chest and looking to the girl for answers. She spoke softly so as to not offend her, _"Well, you were right. It was definitely a bad idea to bring up the war."_

Kai nodded and pursed her lips, not wanting to say _"I told you so"_ but meaning it just the same.

_"He mentioned Appa.. and you.."_ Katara continued.

Every hair on Kai's body stood on end. She sat up fully attentive and inquired, _"What did he say about me?"_

Aang chimed in, speaking strongly, like the avatar should, _"He said that if we don't keep quiet about the war, we won't find Appa. He said that he'd have us removed from the city and you will be returned home, where you'll stand trial."_

_"Stand TRIAL??"_ Kai yelled, _"For what?!"_

_"Don't you guys see that it doesn't matter?!"_ Toph shouted, her voice shaking the room. She plopped her little body down on the pillows right beside Kai, _"He just said those things to keep us quiet! He knows Kai, he knows that his Dia Li agents wouldn't stand a chance against her!"_

Kai scanned her mind over all of the deplorable things she'd done throughout the years. Things that were necessary for her survival, but illegal all the same. She knew exactly what crime Long Feng was talking about, and she knew what the punishment would be.

_"Still, he mentioned Appa. That means that he_ ** _is_** _somewhere in this city. We've wasted enough time trying to speak to the Earth King, we need to start our search for him tomorrow."_ Aang said.

_"Well I searched all around the lower ring today and didn't find any sign of him or my mother. If he's here, someone knows he's valuable and is hiding him."_ Kai said, knowing damn well she hadn't spent any time at all looking for the bison. Did she really have to try? You'd think the last remaining flying bison wouldn't be all that difficult to find.

Katara grabbed a roll of parchment and bottles of ink from the table closest to her and gathered them up, _"Aang and I will work on some missing fliers that we can tape up around town. You guys get some rest, we've all had a long day."_

Katara and Aang retreated to the boy's bedroom and Sokka left for the kitchen to whip up some food. Leaving Toph and Kai to themselves in the sitting room. Kai didn't speak, she only laid back again with hopes to ease her headache.

_"What'd you_ ** _really_** _do today, Kai?"_ Toph asked after some time. Her voice just above a whisper so that their friends wouldn't hear them.

Kai sighed in response, _"I wasted a whole bunch of fucking time looking for a woman that I probably wouldn't recognize even if I DID see her and then had a few cups of tea with some old friends."_

Toph wasn't convinced. She planted her feet firmly on the ground and saw Kai's heartbeat thumping in every inch of her body, pounding away in her forehead.

_"Stop spying on my vital signs, you little badger mole!"_ Kai hissed while kicking the girl's feet up off the ground, _"I'm not lying to you, I just have a migraine."_

_"You were out dueling without me, weren't you!"_ Toph said, not so much a shout but definitely not a whisper either. Kai sat up quickly, slapped her hand across her friend's mouth and brought her back down to the pillows.

_"Shut up! I wasn't dueling, I was sparring, okay?"_ She pulled her hand back to herself but kept a tight grip on Toph until she knew she believed her, _"One of my friends got into a fight, I broke it up, and then he asked if I could start training him. That's_ ** _all!_** _"_

Toph folded her arms square across her chest and turned onto her back, staring blindly up at the ceiling in a childish fit. She didn't like the thought of Kai running around, fighting bad guys without her. Even if she _was_ just sparring.

_"Who is this "friend"? Why haven't I met him?"_ She asked, annoyed but intrigued. And Kai was more than happy to entertain her best friend. She preyed on the girl's budding, preteen interest in boys and fed her just enough to keep Toph satisfied.

She grinned through the pain of her pounding head, finally letting herself feel giddy for the first time in what felt like seasons, _"Because it's the same boy from the hay loft that I told you about."_

Toph smiled, she knew it! She opened her mouth only to be cut off quickly by Kai, _"And no, I will_ ** _not_** _be bringing him around. I don't need you guys scaring him off."_

That wasn't the only reason, or even the primary reason. But Toph didn't need to know that.

_"Don't tell the gang, but I'm seeing him again. In a few days, after we look for Appa a little bit. We're gonna be sparring partners."_ Toph turned on her side, toward Kai. She was happy for her friend, thinking she deserved someone that finally treated her kindly.

_"I won't. But you have to tell me everything!"_

* * *

It ended up being more than a few days before Kai could sneak back out to the homey little tea shop in the lower ring. A whole week, in fact. But the second she strolled through the doors, she immediately felt like she was at home. Kai took what was quickly becoming her usual spot at the bar and found the two familiar men huddled closely together, whispering.

_"What are you guys doing?"_ She asked suspiciously. Zuko shushed her and grabbed her by the collar, pulling her halfway over the counter to join their semi-circle of secrecy.

_"Shush! Look at that girl with the short pony tail, but don't be obvious."_

Kai rolled her eyes and threw her chin over her shoulder, immediately making eye contact with the cute, button nosed girl at the far table.

_"I_ ** _SAID_** _to not be obvious, Kai!!"_ Zuko scolded, _"She's onto us, she knows we're fire nation."_

Iroh backed away from the group and grabbed a clean cup from behind the counter, pouring Kai her favorite from the fresh pot that he'd just brewed, _"You're right, Zuko. I've seen that girl in here quite a lot. Seems to me she has quite a little crush on you."_

_"What??"_ Kai and Zuko ask, bewildered, at the same time. Only to be interrupted by a sudden presence now standing behind the both of them.

The girl from across the room offered Zuko a few bronze coins, _"Thank you for the tea, what's your name?"_

Kai tried not to spy, and it was easy with the steam that was pouring out of her ears. She heard Zuko introduce himself as Lee and sit the coins down next to the register.

_"Hi Lee, my name's Jin. Thank you and... well, I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime."_

The tea that Kai had been sipping on choked up in her throat, causing it to spill back into the cup as she coughed dramatically. Iroh sat back, grinning ear to ear as he watched the three teenagers caught in a soap opera style triangle.

_"Oh, I'm so sorry!"_ The sweet stranger spoke again to Zuko, _"Is this your sister?"_

And before Zuko could object, Kai laughed and held out her hand for the girl to shake, _"That's exactly right. It's nice to meet you, Jin. I'm Kai."_

They shook and Zuko's palm slapped his forehead, unhappy with the entire situation.

_"I have a friend that's looking for a date as well, if you'd like to go out as a group."_ Jin offered. And before either Kai or Zuko could object, Iroh piped up from his front row seat to the best show he'd seen in ages, _"They'd love to!"_

_"Great!"_ Jin responded, _"We'll meet you in front of the shop at sun down."_ And smiled before walking out through the front doors.

Kai finished her tea in silence while Zuko rested his forehead on his hands against the bar. When she was done, she slipped off the stool, ready to slide out the door without another word to the hot headed fire bender or his uncle.

_"Where are you going?? Didn't you hear what just happened?"_ Zuko asked.

_"We were asked on dates, Zuko."_ She replied, almost amused, _"And I personally didn't dress for the occasion, so I'm going to find something to wear."_

_"Well what am_ ** _I_** _supposed to do?!"_ Zuko shouted as she continued out the door, hands thrown out to his sides in confusion.

_"You're a guy."_ Kai shouted back, _"Just show up!"_

And with that, she was gone. Zuko's hands hit his sides, standing alone in the now empty tea shop. He grew angry when Iroh reemerged from the kitchen, holding a steaming pot of fresh tea just for the two of them.

_"Why did you do that?!"_ Zuko growled.

Iroh took a moment to respond, pouring their cups full and taking in a deep whiff before speaking, _"Because it will be good for you to spend time with people your own age, Zuko. You need to make friends in the city, it isn't healthy for you to be alone all of the time."_

_"Ugh.."_ He sighed, _"But I don't want to go on a date with a stranger. And I_ ** _don't_** _want to watch some.. some cheesy Earth Kingdom guy flirting with Kai all night, either!"_

Iroh slurped his tea loudly, content that the truth had finally come out. The thought of watching some tall, bronze skinned earth bender putting the moves on Kai had Zuko's fingertips glowing ruby red. He didn't want to see her eyes fall on someone else, someone that _knew_ how to talk to girls. And he sure as hell didn't want his vision skewed by the overly friendly, albeit pretty, Jin that he'd only just met.

_"Well, maybe you should've asked her out yourself first then, nephew."_ Iroh said, _"Besides, they haven't even met. Maybe he won't be interested in the girl."_

_"Yeah, right."_ Zuko sulked as he pulled his apron over his head and threw it onto the floor, starting toward the back of the shop for his break and mumbling under his breath, _"How could he not?"_

* * *

Zuko helped his uncle close up shop and then spent ten minutes forced into a chair while Iroh licked his palms and then pasted his hair down to his head. He stood leaning against the building, kicking rocks with his feet until someone arrived.

Kai turned the corner of one of many alleyways, whistling to her self so she wouldn't startle Zuko. She'd ditched her backpack and shoulder straps, her arms flowing freely to her sides. Zuko couldn't help but to stare. She was dressed so.. normal? Humble. Comfortable, maybe? He couldn't describe it. She wore a simple robe dress that was similar to Jin's. It tied tightly at the dip of her waist and cut down her chest, stopping a few inches below her knees. Only instead of being colored earthy green and beige it was olive green and black.

_"What's going on with your hair?"_ Kai asked, holding back laughter and just as bubbly as ever as she used her hand to break the cast that Iroh had formed on Zuko's locks.

_"Hey, it took my uncle ten minutes to fix it!"_ Zuko cried, but didn't shy away from her touch.

_"I've got him beat then, don't I? And it only took me a couple of seconds."_

Kai could feel Zuko eyeing her up and down, and she didn't mind. It'd been a long time since she'd done something nice for herself, like indulging in a new outfit. She only prayed that whatever guy Jin was bringing for her was as appreciative as Zuko was.

_"You look... nice."_ Zuko said shyly, his hand moving nervously to the nape of his neck.

Kai began to smile across the way toward the boy. Neither of them noticed the two figures that'd began walking down the street toward them, the same direction from which Kai had emerged from. And before she could bother to thank him, they heard Jin's infinitely kind voice agreeing with Zuko's compliment.

_"Wow, you_ ** _do_** _look great, Kai!"_ She walked up to them, accompanied by who Kai assumed was her blind date. And she wasn't upset with who this stranger had brought for her, _"This is my friend, Genji. Genji, this is Kai."_

The boy was tall with rich, tan skin. Wrist wraps that told her he hailed from her side of the globe. He wore a dark green top with relaxed, tan colored trousers and sandals. But what really caught her off guard was his eyes — they were the same bright, jade green color as hers. They lacked the amber flakes and maybe the spark for adventure, but they were similar nonetheless.

_"It's nice to meet you, Kai."_ Genji said as he held out a hand for her to shake. His hands were dry, almost chapped. They seemed oddly familiar.

_"Are you.."_ She could feel the tiny particles that were permanently pasted to his skin. No matter how far he traveled, they'd always be a part of him, _"You're a sand bender!"_

_"Yeah! How did you know?"_ The attractive young man's excited expression matched her own. Zuko cut his eyes at the pair as they bonded over being a part of the earth element.

_"I've been all over the place. Never really got the hang of sand, though."_ She responded.

_"Let's just get this over with."_ Zuko said as he crossed his arms over his chest sourly.

Kai stood between Genji and Zuko, Jin to his right as they began their walk to the middle ring. It wasn't a terribly long journey, but Kai could tell that Zuko was all around unhappy with the situation. She chatted with their dates and Zuko kept quiet almost the entire way.

They ended up at a quaint little noodle shop. It was well lit and bustling with tons of other couples eating dinner for the evening. Kai slid into a booth under the patio and assumed Genji would be taking the seat next to her.

Nope. Zuko cut him off, seemingly unaware that he'd done so and took the spot beside her. So Genji settled with sitting across from Kai, Jin across from Zuko. It didn't take long for their bowls of ramen to be sat in front of them.

_"So, how do you like the city so far?"_ Jin asked Zuko as she sipped her tea.

_"It's okay."_ He responded coldly. Zuko was poking around at a meatball in his bowl, sulking.

_"What do you like to do for fun?"_ She pressed on. His inexperience with girls didn't seem to deter Jin in the slightest, Kai noticed that she was genuinely interested in Zuko's answered — no matter how short.

_"Nothing."_ He snapped.

Kai jabbed him inconspicuously in the side with her elbow, hinting for Zuko to be kinder to the girl. All the while she slurped down her noodles noisily.

_"You have quite the appetite for a girl."_ Genji commented to Kai. He didn't seem bothered by it though, _"I like it! The food here is great compared to what we were eating in the middle of the desert."_

She thanked him and they toasted with their bowls, spilling droplets of broth onto the table in the process. Jin turned her attention back to Zuko and inquired further.

_"So, Lee, where were you guys living before you came here?"_

_"Um.. well."_ Zuko stammered, obviously thrown off by her question, _"We've been traveling around for a long time."_

_"Oh, why were you traveling so much?"_ She pressed on. While Kai admired her naivety, Zuko's awkwardness was beginning to get under her skin. He was a _prince_ , for fuck's sake! There was no way he'd never so much as spoken to a girl before! Besides, they'd hung out alone a handful of times by now, he didn't act anywhere near as clueless then as he was now.

_"We were part of a traveling circus ensemble."_ Kai chimed in, now having finished her dinner completely and ready to have some fun.

_"Oh yeah? What did you do?"_ Genji asked. He and Jin's eyes had gotten wide with excitement and Kai had to think fast.

_"I was the flame swallower."_ She blurted out, hoping to the heavens that they wouldn't ask her to demonstrate.

_"That's so interesting!"_ Jin squealed, _"What about you, Lee? No, wait, let me guess!"_ She contemplated for a moment before playfully guessing, _"You juggled!"_

Kai covered her mouth with hopes of silencing her laughter and Zuko elbowed her back, right in the ribs. She hadn't witnessed a boy so flustered in her entire seventeen years and, to be honest, it was hilarious.

He sighed before responding with a less than enthusiastic, _"Ugh, yes. I juggled."_

Jin began gathering up their empty bowls, stacking them on top of each other as she handed them to Zuko, _"I've always wanted to learn how to juggle! Can you show me something?"_

The dishes teetered back and forth in Zuko's arms dangerously. He cursed Kai and his uncle in his mind for forcing him into this "date", but as he glared over at the girl to his right, he couldn't bare to hold a grudge. Her perfectly sculpted chin rested atop her palm as she waited for him to put on a show. Even if he did embarrass the hell out of himself, who cares? Zuko didn't know these people, and at least she would be entertained.

So he looked at the bowls and plates and tossed them far above his head with high hopes that they'd work themselves out, that maybe something magical would happen. But he was wrong. They tumbled down and broke into various mismatched pieces and Zuko blushed accordingly.

_"I, uh.. I haven't practiced in a while."_ He said.

_"It's all right."_ Genji reassured him, only to catch a death stare from Zuko in return. He didn't _ask_ for his approval, after all, _"Hey, do you guys want to go to town square? They usually have a live band on the weekends."_

Zuko sure didn't, but Kai _loved_ music. It wasn't something that they'd enjoyed much on the military base back home, so when she was cast out and forced into life on her own — music was one of the first things to make her feel truly alive again. She'd spent plenty of nights sneaking into local taverns or listening to street bands that were begging only for attention and spare change.

The four of them walked through the streets as Genji led them to town square. It was exactly that — a perfect square formed between two widely set apart building. Small iron tables and chairs lined the walls for those that'd danced so much their feet ached. Toward the back of the opening was a five piece band. They strummed away at string instruments, beat on lap drums and blew through tsungi horns. It was a regular party right in front of them.

Kai and Jin were into it. There were a few other couples still in the center of the floor, spinning and flowing with the music that seemed to entrance them. Jin tugged on Zuko's bicep, pulling him out onto the concrete as he looked back at Kai like a sad puppy — begging her to help him out of this situation. She giggled and waved goodbye as he was whisked away.

For a moment she'd forgotten that Genji was even there, until his fingers brushed hers by accident. And then she felt the hairs trailing her spine all the way up to the back of her neck furrow, like a cat that was ready to go into fight or flight mode.

_"Do you want to join them?"_ He asked with a smile, having not noticed her begin to brace herself.

Kai took a deep breath and reminded herself that this stranger didn't want to hurt her, she was no longer in another new town, a military occupied village full of soldiers who knew who she _really_ was. She grabbed him by the hand and led him toward the growing crowd of people.

Zuko didn't know how to dance, it wasn't something they taught him at the fire academy. Dancing wasn't something that was done regularly in the fire nation, either. It was saved specifically for special events — weddings, coronations, etc. He tried his best to copy Jin's movements. But as soon as he thought he had it down, the tune changed and everyone in the crowd swapped partners. He was now locking elbows with a middle aged woman with graying hair that looked at him as if she'd just won the lottery.

Kai was spun back to her original partner and date, the handsome sand bender. He was so kind, she could tell he was truly a good person. But she didn't like the feeling of his gritty hands sliding between hers. She didn't mind looking into his bright eyes that matched her own, but she could also tell that his had fallen in love with this city and decided to make a home here — while she was only passing through. And just as she was thrown into a whirlwind of dancing and laughter with this new friend, she was spun around again as the tune changed.

In Zuko's arms is where she found herself. He looked dizzy and anxious and more out of place than usual.

_"Kai, we_ ** _have_** _to get out of here."_ He said through clenched teeth so that no one could read his lips.

_"Why??"_ She asked, still giggling, _"Lighten up and you might have some fun for once!"_

_"This isn't exactly my idea of 'fun'."_ He side eyed their two dates, who were paired up and having a much better time than Zuko himself was.

_"So, what? You wanna ditch them?"_ Kai asked.

Zuko hadn't even considered that. He thought they'd just rudely excuse themselves, or at least say goodbye prematurely and leave the pair wondering what had went wrong, _"Can we do that?"_

She shrugged in response and was quickly passed off to another dancer. They made their rounds through four other partners before being flung together again. This time, Zuko spoke hastily into her ear as he gripped Kai by the waist, _"When we make it to the outer edge, follow me."_

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried really hard to fit this all into one chapters guys but it ended up being almost 10,000 words so I was forced to split it up. ):  
> Thank you so much to everyone that's been reading so far, I appreciate it so much!! This fic isn't anywhere close to being over, I'm anticipating it being my longest fic yet so I hope you guys stick with me through it!  
> Let me know what you're thinking in the comments!


	14. Double Date Pt. 2

Around the concrete they danced, she could see from across the floor that Jin and Genji were getting winded. And when their feet brought them to the outermost corner, _"Now!"_ Zuko whispered, and gripped her by the forearm as he took off sprinting down a small, dark alleyway.

Kai followed without reluctance as she held in her laughter, she hadn't ran this fast since her and the Freedom Fighters were dodging half an army of fire nation soldiers through the woods.

A sharp left, then a right, then left again before they found themselves hoisted back into the bustling streets of the lower ring. Zuko was panting with his hands on his knees when they finally stopped. Kai fished through her pocket until she found a couple of spare coins. She passed them over the counter of a nearby hole-in-the-wall style beverage stand, bringing back two cups of amber colored liquid with her.

_"Have some ale, it'll cool you."_ She said, passing one of the cups to Zuko. He gulped down the bitter liquid, swallowing down too much air along with it and immediately belching loudly.

Kai just threw her head back and laughed, and then took his arm in her own. She led them away from the hustle and bustle until the crowds became sparse, close to where she saw those two lovers picnicking the week before. There was a small park there with a fountain at its core, though it was dark as hell.

Kai finally let go of Zuko's arm and wandered out in front of him. She had become so accustomed to the dark that it felt like her second nature sometimes. But not tonight. Tonight, her eyes were wide open. She wanted to see everything around her — whether it be Zuko or that handsome sand bender that she still didn't feel all that bad about bailing on.

_"Think you could, y'know..?"_ Kai said, pointing to the four lantern posts that stood around the fountain.

_She's got to be crazy,_ Zuko thought to himself. He knew that Kai was well aware of the repercussions he would face if anyone found out _what_ he was. And she saw that he felt uneasy about his bending in such an open setting.

Kai looked to her left and right. She looked behind her back and scanned the area for any wandering eyes that may have been watching them.

_"There's no one here, Zuko."_ She reassured while lowering herself to the edge of the fountain, _"And even if there were, this looks like a lovely place to bury a body."_ She cocked her eyebrow and brought her cup to her lips, holding eye contact with him while she sipped.

That was all he needed. With the point of his two fingers, the first lantern post was ablaze. And then the second, and then the third and fourth. Just to show off a bit, he lit the four on the outer edge of the park as well, until that place was just as bright as it would be during the day time.

Zuko strolled over to her and leaned his back against the stone fountain, her legs dangled over the edge. He noticed that she'd kicked her shoes off again, having only worn sandals tonight. _Maybe that's just an earth bender thing,_ he thought.

_"So what was wrong with her?"_ Kai asked abruptly.

_"Who?"_ Zuko responded, having already forgotten about his real date for the evening.

_"Jin. She was cute, why didn't you like her?"_

_"Oh, it wasn't that. It's just —"_ Zuko could've made a whole list full of reasons he wasn't interested in the girl.

_She wasn't challenging, maybe? She'd never knocked me on my ass and then made me feel like I_ **_wanted_ ** _to be there? She didn't have scars on her otherwise flawless skin or long hair that I couldn't help but dream about wrapping my fist into and —_

_"It's.. complicated."_ He responded, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, _"What about Genji, what was wrong with him?"_ Zuko asked, not really caring to hear her answer.

She shrugged, _"Nothing, he was fine. Perfectly.. erm, down to earth, you could say."_

_"But..."_ Zuko said, pressing her further.

_"_ ** _But_** _I tend to like my guys a little.."_ She rolled around a few adjectives in her head, trying not to describe Zuko to a T. Assholish? Footloose? Spoiled fucking rotten? No, none of those, _"Rough around the edges, I guess."_

Zuko took note. What said _rough around the edges_ better than a giant fucking scar that covered a quarter of his face? He dipped his hand down briefly into the water that circled around the fountain, jerking his hand back quickly after feeling how chilly it actually was.

_"Here, I got you."_ She said, waving her hand across her chest. The water separated from his skin like he was made of oil and it couldn't wait to get away, _"It's the coins at the bottom. They're dirty. Remember what I told you, at the hot spring?"_

How could he possibly forget stumbling upon this girl that he for a moment thought was stark naked in the middle of the woods, of course he remembered. She dropped the tiny, rotating ball of water back into its home.

_"Your master teach you that trick, too?"_ He asked.

She laughed, Bumi might have given her the tools to learn how to seemingly bend water, but her father would've never allowed such a thing. Not on _his_ camp, _"Oh no, I'll give him the credit where it's due — but even he wasn't_ ** _that_** _good. That one was self taught."_

They sat in silence for a moment. A cool summer breeze blew through the garden, it brought a small shiver over Zuko's hot skin. Every time he found himself in Kai's presence he was reminded that she was still a stranger — a stranger that he was growing unnaturally fond of. He knew so little about her, yet their personalities meshed like they'd known each other for a lifetime.

_"So, what was it like.. growing up how you did."_ He asked, subtly trying to dig deeper into who she was.

Kai looked down into what was left of her drink, the liquid flowing freely. But it wasn't truly free, it had such a tiny home compared to the vast world that it didn't know existed.

_"It was fine for a while, when I didn't know that life outside of the base existed."_ And it had been fine, until her training turned against her father. By the time she hit her "rebellious" streak, she was much too agile for him to handle. So much so that half of the time, he didn't even know she was being rebellious at all. She'd sneak into the mountains and explore the caves with just the souls of her feet to lead the way. Or she'd sit upon their highest peak and watch the villages and cities below her light up. She didn't know what they lit up _for_ , but she knew it was more than what was going on there. Or when she'd visit Toph, and she'd get the chance to sneak sweets into her mouth, instead of the usual fruits, veggies and meats that her father had her on a strict diet of. All of that had been just out of reach for her entire life.

_"But it was lonely."_ She continued, _"And I didn't even realize it until I was gone."_

_"That sounds.. depressing, I'm not gonna lie."_ Zuko said, lightening the mood instantly. She smiled up at him and asked the same, _"What about you, what was Capitol City like?"_

Thinking back on his childhood, it seemed at the time like there was nowhere else that Zuko had wanted to be. Why would he _need_ to be anywhere else but upon his royal throne? But now.. he was reconsidering. It was like Iroh told him, life happens wherever you are — and a lot of life had happened to him over the course of three years. He'd let a lot of landscape and people pass him by without giving them a second glance, but he couldn't let his eyes just roll over where he was now. He couldn't let his eyes just roll over her.

_"It was strict. Father expected a lot of us."_ Zuko replied bluntly. It was hard to think of his father these days.

Kai gave him a moment before asking slowly, like sticking your hand out to a starved dog that you were fully aware could bite right through your flesh if you moved too quickly, _"Do you want to tell me what happened?"_

For a moment she sounded meek, like a scared little mouse. But then Zuko understood that it wasn't meekness at all, it was respect she was showing him. It told him that if he was ready, she wanted to listen to him. _She_ wanted to hear what _he_ had to say.

He sucked in a deep breath and for the first time said it out loud, _"I refused an Agni Kai with my father, the fire bender equivalent to a duel. I spoke out of turn and was punished accordingly for it."_

Kai felt all of the blood drain from her skin. When Zuko looked at her, she looked as if she'd just seen a spirit in the flesh. Her jade eyes now a sickly green color, they looked far too big for her face as they'd widened in disbelief.

_"What? What's wrong?"_ Zuko asked.

_"It's nothing. Just —"_ She stood from her seat on the fountain's edge and wandered a few feet in front of him just to make sure she could still walk at all, scoffing as she continued, _"That's why I was banished. To a fucking T."_

She could still smell the dinner that sat uneaten on her plate that night, cabbage and turkey. She could hear the rowdy clanking of forks against plates piercing her eardrums and feel her father's hand pulling her braid, ripping her from her chair at the head of the table. That's why she'd started wearing her hair in a braid in the first place, because it hurt so much worse when it hung loosely over her shoulders.

_"I objected to my father's military plans at an important dinner with his men and when he tried to punish me, when he tried to make me duel him.."_ Kai was talking a thousand miles a minutes as the memories flooded every sense but she gulped hard before finishing, _"I wouldn't. I_ ** _couldn't_** _."_

Zuko watched her from behind, her hand lifted to her quivering lips as she fought back tears. _She_ ** _has_** _to be a spy_ , he thought. Everything was too.. coincidental. A honey trap set up by the Dai Li — or more likely, his sister, to prove that he really was a traitor. He felt his body heating up with old rage, rage like he felt when he'd first started his search for the avatar. He started across the grass, stomping to where she now stood. Zuko wouldn't be _tricked_ , not ever again, and not by some _girl_. He grabbed her by the shoulder and forced her to face him, grasping the wrist of her hand that she'd lifted to her face.

And as if in slow motion, he saw that she wasn't in her own body. He saw her eyes far off in another land, in another time completely. Zuko saw the tears that teetered on the brim of her eyes and watched the very first one spill over. But all she saw in him was anger, just like her father had shown her during their last night together.

Before she could snap out of her trance like state, she bended the earth below him. All of it. It separated and left no leg room for his boots to grasp, a hole that his entire body slipped so easily into. He fell instantly, pulling her down with him.

The feeling of Kai's body hitting the hard ground snapped her back to life. She looked down into the abyss, at Zuko's dangling body that was hanging on by just her straining wrist.

_"I'm so sorry!"_ She apologized over and over again, stretching her other arm out over the edge. Kai didn't have to guess how far down that hole went, she knew that it very well may not end at all.

_"Take my hand!"_ She yelled, and Zuko grasped it like his life depended on it. She lifted herself onto her knees and back, pulling him up until she knew his own body weight was no longer a threat to himself, _"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean do that. I didn't know who you were, and —"_

Zuko could see that this girl was no spy. The tears in her eyes had been true, everything that she'd told him had been true. _In one way or the other._ He scrambled back to the safety of the earth, their legs tangling together as they crawled far away from that pit of despair.

_"You still feel it, don't you?"_ He asked while panting, _"That first second, when you felt your father's wrath hail down on you. It's like disappointment sensationalized."_

Their hands sat in each other's laps as they remained on the ground, fingers still intertwined from what was almost Zuko's demise. Kai looked up at him from her almost certainly sprained wrist and just nodded.

_"Me too."_

_"What was it like?"_ She asked him, her eyes hanging onto his, _"When you first left, how did you feel?"_

_"Fucking. Furious."_ Zuko snapped, his face dropping just after he'd said it. His thumb traced over the scars that lined her knuckles. Zuko'd always been ashamed of how he'd felt in private, how he couldn't understand his father's decision to send a _child_ on a wild goose chase. But in reality, it made him hot with anger. And what made him even angrier was his own stupid actions that'd gotten him banished in the first place.

Kai nodded her head again, her pouty lips red and sore from where she'd been chewing on them while deep in thought, _"Me too."_ She whispered quietly.

The air that hung between them felt humid and heavy, like it was forming a vacuum just around the two of them. Zuko didn't like the feeling of being so close to someone that he now understood to be much, _much_ more powerful than him -- but the thought of being any further away sounded absolutely miserable. He moved his thumb slowly to her jaw, brushing away a smudge of dirt. He let it linger there, feeling their faces closing in on each other.

Kai's breath caught in her throat as his nose grazed hers, their foreheads meeting in the middle. Her lips parted and she knew it was over, they were falling deep into that hole that she'd dug all on her own.

_"Kai, I'm.."_ He spoke so quietly that it was almost unintelligible, and she didn't want to hear what he had to say anyways.

Kai closed the small gap that was left between them. Her lips were soft and intoxicating, Zuko could still taste the crisp ale that lingered on her breath and suddenly he had an addiction. He held her face and kissed her back until she pulled back for air. Even then, you couldn't have fit a single piece of parchment between them. Their lips were still touching, her hand still grasping his forearm.

_"I'm lying to you.."_ Zuko spoke, finally finishing his earlier thought. He didn't know what it was that compelled him to say it, but he couldn't continue fabricating his origin when his body felt engulfed in flames every time he saw this girl. Maybe he just wanted to scare her away now, things would be much easier that way.

Kai's face turned slightly, welcoming him in for more and she whispered, _"I know."_

They fell back into each other in a hazy, dream-like state.

* * *

**_Zuko_ **

Iroh rushed to make himself look busy as he saw his nephew approaching their apartment, he scurried around the kitchen pretending to wash dishes. The door pushed open and closed again quietly.

_"How was your night, Prince Zuko?"_ Iroh asked, glancing over his shoulder only to find a sour, stoney expression on his nephew's face.

Zuko ignored him, stomping across the floor to his bedroom where he slid open the shoji doors and slammed them back shut. He hadn't been ready to say goodnight to Kai, but when patrolling Dai Li agents caught them locking lips in the middle ring, he had no choice.

The force of the door slamming shook his uncle, who looked down at the plate -- sad for the boy. Until he heard the door creak back open on its track.

_"It was nice."_ Zuko said quietly, quickly closing it again and locking it tight. He crossed his dark, lonely bedroom and fell face first onto his mattress — wondering how in the hell he was going to get any sleep at all tonight.  
  
  


**_Kai_ **

Kai opened the front door of her apartment slowly, praying that it wouldn't creak as it moved. It didn't betray her. She thought she'd made it home safe and sound. Every light in the house was off and she could navigate through the dark easily enough to sneak into her bedroom without ever even waking up Toph or Katar—

A solo floor lamp at the back of the sitting room flipped on, Sokka sat in a chair nearby it with a book resting on his lap. He was playing the role of angry father that'd just caught his teenage daughter sneaking in after curfew.

Kai cursed under her breath, gripping her fists tight.

_"Where do you think you've been, young lady?"_ Sokka said. He was joking, but genuinely curious. To the rest of the gang, her sneaking around at odd hours may be the norm, but Sokka was suspicious.

_"I was out,_ ** _Dad._** _Now lower your voice."_ She whispered back, _"You're gonna wake everyone in the house."_

_"Maybe they should be woken up!"_ Sokka whisper-shouted, _"Maybe we should have a good ol' family meeting on why exactly our newest member spends half of her time sneaking around the lower two rings rather than helping us meet the Earth King!"_

Kai tip toed across the floor while he was speaking and slapped her palm over his mouth when he got out all she needed to hear.

_"Shut UP, Sokka!"_ She snarled, _"I was on a date, okay?! Now will you lay off?"_

Sokka's brow softened and he nodded behind her hand, she freed his lips begrudgingly. She could tell from his defeated expression that he was done, he wouldn't press her any further on the subject. So she backed up quietly toward the far door that led to her shared bedroom.

_"Did you have fun?"_ She heard him ask from behind her back and her heart screamed out a response that she could barely contain.

Kai turned on her heel and smiled at the boy, _"So much."_

_"What did you guys do?"_ He asked curiously. It wasn't easy, being left out. Just a few weeks ago he'd thought that Suki was going to be joining them on their travels. But she'd just taken a detour to help them cross the Serpent's Pass, and he missed having someone to be close to.

_"We danced with strangers."_ Kai crossed the floor and playfully grabbed his hand, spinning with him like she'd done countless refugees earlier in the evening, _"And drank ale while we wandered through the streets."_

Sokka's ocean blue eyes lit up with excitement for the girl. It sounded like a lovely night, he couldn't lie, so he borrowed some of her happiness for a moment.

_"I'm glad you had fun, Kai. Sorry for the third degree, I'll leave you alone now."_ He said as they stopped spinning. Kai could see the loneliness creeping back under his skin as his gaze shifted to his feet and he turned toward his bedroom doors. She refused to let go of his hand and he looked back over his shoulder at her.

_"I know it's hard, Sokka —"_ She spoke words that a younger version of herself would've benefited from hearing a time or two, _"not having Suki around. We've both left behind plenty of people that we wish were here with us. It won't always be like this."_

Sokka thanked her with a smile and tried to walk off again, still being stopped by her gripping palm in his. When he turned back around to see what else she had to say, he was met with her arms folding into his. She hugged him softly and, though he was stunned for a moment, this was exactly what he needed. Sokka wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her back tight.

_"One day you won't have to worry about me, promise."_ Kai joked, her cheek resting against his chest. She heard a silent chuckle rumble in his lungs and he responded back.

_"I'll always worry about you. About all of you guys."_ She pulled away from him and let him go this time, _"Thank you, Kai."_

Sokka nodded her off and disappeared for the night while Kai snuck back out the front door and down the steps to their driveway. She lowered herself onto the cool stone and stared up at the midnight sky. Zuko was right, the stars shined brighter here.


	15. White Lotus

Kai and Zuko circled each other in the sitting room of his new Upper Ring apartment, staring each other down as they made their rounds. That is, until Kai's eyes drifted down Zuko's shirtless torso. He'd shed it early in their sparring session, but it wasn't giving him much of an upper hand.

_"I still don't think this is fair."_ Zuko whined, _"You're tracking me with your feet, you fucking mole."_

Kia smiled his direction and took a step toward him, _"As will any earth bender that you battle."_

He took one step back, opposing her advance. Kai's lifted arms fell to her hips, she rolled her eyes until they met Iroh's from across the room. He was sitting at their spacious dining room table, sipping tea and pretending to read a newspaper.

_"Iroh, tell him to fight me like a —"_ In the midst of her childish tattle-telling, Zuko spun his ankle out toward hers. It was the same move that he'd used against her in the darkness of Pao's Tea House a few weeks ago, but he pulled it off this time. Kai fell flat on her ass with a loud thump! against the wooden floors, _"— like a man. Not a coward, you ass."_

Zuko smirked down at the girl that sat there defeated, _"It's called being opportunistic, you should try it."_

Her lips pouted, the rest of her face bearing an annoyed expression. He wanted to touch her lips and tell her to suck it up so badly, but not with his Uncle here. Zuko reached his hand out for her to grab, holding the smug smile on his face.

_"I know all about opportunity."_ Kai grunted. She grasped his hand and hooked her foot behind his legs, kicking his knees loose underneath him.

They struggled around intensely on the floor. Kai got Zuko into a headlock, she yelled for him to cry mercy but just before he submitted to her strength, he was able to wiggle free. At some point, Zuko had Kai face down against the ground while he twisted her arm painfully behind her back. He laughed and shouted for her to do the same, until she was able to climb to her knees and spin back around toward him. They were chest to bare chest. Kai's shirt had long ridden up on her torso and Zuko could feel her cold sweat against his skin.

Zuko refused to let go of her wrist that he had a death grip on. And even if he'd wanted to, he was frozen solid. Her fingers moved smoothly to the rope belt around his waist. Zuko didn't know what she was planning on doing, but whatever it was.. he didn't want her to stop.

She pulled the belt free from his waist and kicked up one of his legs, quickly tying his ankle to his wrist. Zuko finally let go of her as he hopped one footed around the room until he fell back into the couch against the far wall.

_"That's cheating!"_ Zuko yelled, his face halfway buried against throw pillows.

_"Ha!"_ Kai wiped the sweat from her face and joined Iroh in the open kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water and chugged it eagerly, _"Says who?"_

He looked up at his uncle, waiting for him to speak out in his favor — but Iroh did no such thing. He simply folded up his newspaper and finished off his teacup, scooting his chair back from the table.

_"I have no horse in this race and, as it is getting very late, I think I'll be retiring to my bedroom for the night."_ Iroh bowed respectfully to Kai and then to his nephew, who'd just freed himself from his restraints, _"You kids have a lovely evening, let me know who won in the morning so I can start keeping tally."_

_"Goodnight, and congrats on the new tea shop, Iroh."_

The teenagers were left standing in the main house. They hadn't been alone together in almost a week, not since their lips were hastily begging each other for more as they sat against the cold ground of the Earth Kingdom. And frankly, Zuko was finding it harder to speak to her now than he ever did before.

Kai poured herself another glass of water and chugged it down just as quickly as she had the first one. Her hands moved to the belt of her top, pulling it loose.

_"What are you doing??"_ Zuko asked, confused.

She pulled the shirt off of her shoulders and tossed it over the back of a chair. She was still dressed modestly, or at least modestly enough for a sparring match. The binder she wore covered her chest and shoulders, her pants were tied tightly around her waist just below her naval.

_"While I may be made of earth and dirt, you have literal fire running through your veins, Zuko."_ She pushed open a window hoping that a breeze would roll into the room, _"It's fucking hot in here, I'm just trying to cool off."_

_"Oh.. right."_ He responded, his hand going to the back of his neck nervously. Zuko could see the girl approaching him from across the room, her arms were crossed squarely over her chest. They hadn't yet spoken about what he'd said to her.. or what she'd said in response, _"Last time I saw you we were... We were, uh.."_ He had trouble getting the words out, not wanting to make himself seem even more nervous than he already did.

_"We were kissing, I remember._ " Kai said for him, _"Don't worry, I won't kiss you again -- without your permission, of course."_

A half hearted chuckle pushed itself out of Zuko's lungs, she finally saw the hint of a smile on his face.

_"No, no! It's not that, trust me. It's just.. maybe we should talk?"_ Zuko stuttered out, _"About what was said.. in between us kissing.."_

_"Maybe."_ Kai shrugged. She backed up a few steps and began circling him again like a lioness on the prowl, _"Yeah, you're right. We probably should."_

Zuko let out the air in his chest that he'd been holding and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

_"But I think it'd like to continue kicking your ass first."_

_"Huh?"_ Was all he could get out before the girl sprinted toward him. It was unbelievable how silent her foot steps were even as they bolted across the hardwood floors. Kai sprung at him and Zuko turned away, trying to dodge what he thought would be a kick to his chest.

_"What did I tell you about letting me get your back?!"_ She mocked while wrapping her legs around the front of his waist. Zuko's hands caught her arms before she could effectively get them underneath his chin.

Without being able to secure him in a chin lock, this move was useless. Kai held on for a moment and was just about ready to give up when an even better idea popped into her mind. It was painfully easy to throw Zuko off of his game, she'd just done it with the belt trick a few minutes ago. So she lowered her lips down to his ear and felt the sweat start to drip faster down his back. Zuko's grip on her arms started to weaken, she'd have him any moment now.

_"I could kill you, y'know."_ Kai teased, she pretended to "accidentally" brush her lips against his lobe as she whispered, _"It would be **so** easy.."_

It worked. Zuko freed her arms and she tightened them under his chin. Of course, she had no intention of putting any real pressure on him, but he had to learn from his mista—

His hands abruptly squeezed her knees tighter around his body, just above his hips so she couldn't slip loose and he jolted backwards, using all of his force to slam the girl's body against the wall behind them. Kai was stunned and for a moment, she went limp.

But Zuko wouldn't let her fall. He kneeled to the ground and sat her down gently on her feet, turning to face her with a smug look on his face.

_"We can call that one a draw, I guess."_ She said with her hand rubbing her now sore back.

* * *

Zuko showed her to his new room. It wasn't the type of tour that he'd imagined, he just hadn't wanted to speak where his uncle might've heard them. His was the furthest room from Iroh's in the house so it was the safest place to be.

There wasn't much to it, it was bigger than his room at their apartment in the lower ring but still paled in comparison to his back home. All he had was a bed, dresser and nightstand. And just like Kai had done when he brought her over for their first "sparring" session, she didn't take a second look around the place.

Zuko lit a few oil lamps while Kai made herself comfortable on his bed. He closed every window shut tight and locked the door just for safe measure.

_"What did you mean when you said you **know**?" _He asked as he stood now in front of the girl. Zuko both loved and hated the way she owned every room that she took up space in without even trying. Even now, he felt like sitting on his own bed beside her would be an invasion.

_"I'm not an idiot, Zuko."_ She said, patting the spot beside her on the mattress, _"I grew up on a military base with my General father in the midst of a hundred year war. Plus, you don't exactly have a very regionally neutral name."_

He took a seat and folded his legs, turning to face her. She did the same.

_"Why didn't you say anything?"_ Zuko's voice almost creaked when he spoke. He still trusted this girl. She was sneaky and smooth and so cleverly conniving, but his gut told her that she was an ally to him. Though he still needed answers.

Her lips pursed, _"The truth?"_ He nodded in response and she wasn't proud of how she was about to answer, _"Because when you told me your name, I had my back to you."_

Zuko wasn't naive, he knew that Kai hadn't kept his family lineage a secret because she was _scared_. Sometimes avoiding confrontation was just more convenient than wasting the energy on an unnecessary battle.

_"But then you touched me --"_ Kai continued, _"and I could feel your heartbeat through your fingertips."_

Zuko's palm opened up on the few inches of mattress that sat between their crossed legs, she ran her fingers over his skin. Only Toph knew that she could read people like that, they'd developed the skill together. And here she was, spilling all of her secrets to a boy that had already proven himself to be a worthy opponent. Kai could feel his heartbeat then, too. It wasn't as vigorous as it was back then.

_"I felt you get so angry. People tend to feel sorry for me when they see my scars. They don't get pissed that someone would do such a thing, they feel sorry that I have a permanent branding on my entire back side. Then they wonder what **I** did to deserve it.. You didn't do that. I didn't want to spoil the experience for myself just because I knew who your father was."_

Zuko looked up from Kai's scarred knuckles to find her vulnerable. He'd seen her display such an array of emotions in their short time together that he hadn't felt since he was a child; defensive, angry, playful, seductive, apathetic. But he'd never seen her with her guard down, save the cabbage truck incident. Has hand closed around hers.

_"So what you're telling me is.. you didn't say anything out of selfishness."_ His eyebrow cocked and Kai knew that this was his idea of teasing. Her lips slowly turned up into a smile that showed off her pearly whites.

_"That, orrr..."_ She pulled his hand gently to her outer thigh, until his knees began to uncross and his face started to move closer to hers, _"I didn't want you to stop touching me.."_

Zuko's hand trailed over her bare skin as he made his way over her hips to the dip of her waist. Kai's face turned into his and their noses brushed against each other's again, her lips parted as she heard him whisper, _"That sounds more accurate."_

Their lips met in the middle, making up perfectly for what the other lacked. Kai thanked the spirits that for someone who seemed to be so terrible with girls, he at least knew his way around a make out session. Zuko gripped her waist, leaning further into her and causing her to lean back on her palms. She ran her fingers over his scarred ear, pushing her fingers through his thick hair.

Zuko felt a groan catch in his chest as she played with his locks. He couldn't help it, it'd been so long since he'd.. been with anyone. Like that, at least. A million thoughts ran through his head, like whether or not she'd taken a lover before. _It would be a fucking honor to be her first._ Had she been Jet's at one time or another? Of course not, not truly his. Zuko could tell that this girl didn't belong to anyone, not even to a prince. Banished or not.

Those thoughts were soon non-existent, cast away by the feeling of her soft, sweet tongue begging for entry between his lips. Zuko wasn't hesitant to oblige. His lips parted and thier tongues danced together. Kai gasped as she felt him pull her by the small of her back toward him, causing her palm to slip out from behind her.

Her head landed softly on the single pillow at the top of his bed. Her arms that were grasping for stability pulled him down with her. She let Zuko rest comfortably between her legs and turned up the heat by nipping gently at his bottom lip.

That erected a reaction out of him.. Kai felt a rumble in his lungs, a low growl that was just soft enough for her ears to miss.

But then she noticed something change in him. Zuko's fingers loosened up on her waist, his eager lips dropped back into their usual scowl.

_"What is it?"_ Kai asked, her hand moving from his hair back to the side of his face. Had she done something wrong? She was only moving as quickly as he was.

_"I just.."_ Zuko paused and then sighed, his hair hung down in front of his face as he cast his eyes away from hers in shame, _"You truly don't think I'm terrible? My own father is the reason why you're hear, he's the reason that **all** of these refugees are here.."_

_"No, **my** father is the reason that I'm here."_ Kai shifted to one side of his bed, laying on her side with her back against the wall. She left ample room for Zuko to lay his head on the pillow with her own, and he did, _"I met a giant owl recently --"_

_"An owl??"_ Zuko asked, confused as to where she was going.

_"Hear me out."_ She continued, _"He told me that I was going to do terrible, terrible things."_

Zuko slid his hand that rested between the two of them into hers, seeing if he could do the same heartbeat reading trick that she was capable of, _"Are you?"_ He inquired.

_"Not to you."_ She responded with a smirk on her face. Zuko felt the knot in his chest loosen just thanks to the curve of her lips, _"But I've done terrible things in the past. My point is that there are vile people all over the globe. I've faced more inhumane treatment from the people of my own kingdom than I have anywhere else. And if anyone knows anything about not judging the apple by the character of the tree it fell from, it's me."_

Zuko simmered on her words for a moment in a comfortable silence. She was right. He wasn't sure what his opinions were on his father these days, but he knew that they weren't the same in the slightest. Zuko certainly wasn't someone that would burn the flesh of someone he loves, not even the silky skin of the girl that laid in bed beside him.

_"You're right."_ He sighed.

_"I know."_ Kai responded and kissed him once more on the lips. It was just a small peck, but it was enough to reignite the spark inside Zuko's heart, "You should listen to me more often, life's easier than way."

She threw her leg over his body with intentions of stepping off the bed, it was getting late and she was sure the gang (mainly Sokka) would start to get suspicious soon. But she was stopped short by Zuko wrapping his lanky arms around her waist. He kept her still against his lap as he laid below her.

_"You're sneaking off already?"_ Zuko asked as he pulled her by the neck down to him, _"You could stay.."_ His voice came out breathy and.. Spirits, did she want to.. Would her friends really be all that worried? She could sneak back in just before sunrise, or maybe after Zuko fell asleep.. It was tempting, and the sudden assertive streak he'd shown tonight made it even more tempting. Kai melted into him when he kissed her, his fingers tracing her spine and weaving through the soft hairs at the nape of her neck. One of her hands trailed through the thin hairs on his chest and the other she tucked beneath his pillow. She dug her nails into her own palm to keep her grounded while she indulged for a moment.

Kai's lips pulled away from his with a soft puckering sound, _"Please trust me when I say I wish that I could. But my --"_

_"Roommates."_ Zuko interrupted, _"I know. It's okay."_

There was no malice in his voice, just disappointment. Zuko let go of her and she pulled herself off of the bed. It was difficult watching her tidy herself up. _All_ of this was difficult, never knowing when she was going to stroll into his life next, waiting for her to walk through the doors of their tea shop and order her favorite. All the while, Zuko knew that there would come a day when she didn't show up at all, and then another, and then another.

_"WeCouldGoOut,YouKnow!"_ He accidentally shouted. Kai looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and blood immediately rushed to his cheeks, he sat up on the bed and stuttered to save himself, _"I mean, we could do something.. together. We could go somewhere, if you wanted to... I hear there's a theatre around here somewhere, or --"_

_"Are you trying to ask me on a date, Zuko?"_ She asked with her arms crossed smug over her chest.

_"Is it that obvious that I've never done this before?"_

_"Painfully."_ Kai smiled at the boy from across the room and strolled toward him, _"I'd love to, but we aren't going to some boring play."_

They shared one last kiss before Kai turned toward the door, _"I'll show myself out."_

* * *

Kai crept slowly through the house, stopping at the dining room table to pull her shirt back over her shoulders. She'd just tightened the belt securely around her waist and was about to pull her bag over her head when a small flame in the center of the living room ignited on a hidden assailant's fingertips.

_"Spirits!"_ Kai whisper-shouted, slapping her palm over her mouth to stop the yell that begged to be set free.

Iroh sat on the floor, his legs folded underneath a large, round table, _"My apologies, Kai. I didn't mean to startle you."_ He moved his finger to the tall candles at either side of the table. She was sure of how this looked -- a shirtless girl sneaking out of his nephew's bedroom in the middle of the night.

_"Iroh. I was just.. We weren't.."_

He held up a silencing palm that told her he wasn't in the slightest concerned about what went on between her and Zuko behind closed doors. Kai could see now that in front of him sat a large Pai Sho board, it took up the entire surface of the table.

_"Still looking for a game of Pai Sho?"_ He asked. There was a glimmer in his eye when he looked up at her through the light of the fire, it said that the jig was up.. he knew everything.

Kai took a seat across the table from him. She'd played this game over and over again back at the military base. It was one of the only interactions she'd had with the other men. They wouldn't speak to her, they couldn't train with her, and lord knows they were forbidden to lay a finger on her. But Pai Sho required none of those things, unless she was playing against Bumi.

Iroh gestured toward the board and Kai looked diligently at all of its tiles before choosing her first player. She sat it down gently, saying a silent prayer to herself that he was an ally.

_"I see you favor the white lotus gambit. Not many still cling to the ancient ways."_ He smiled at her and cupped his hands, just like Bumi had shown her how to do.

Kai's eyes lit up with joy and she copied his movements, repeating the mantra, _"Those who do can always find a friend."_

They took turns placing their tiles around the table until a perfectly formed lotus pattern was laid out on the board.

_"You know who I am."_ She said softly with her gaze cast down. Surely this would be the end of her budding relationship with The Dragon of the West's nephew. What elder would want their relative seeing such a girl..

_"I know who you **were**."_ Iroh said, _"And I know what your destiny **was**. But I must ask.. what did you truly come to Ba Sing Se for, dear?"_

It would've been no use, lying to him. Just like how she was never very good at lying to her master, men like them already knew the answers to the questions that they asked. They were only testing your honesty.

_"On the surface, I'm looking for my mother. I was looking for my father as well, but he isn't here."_ And like a bubble bursting in her chest, she let the cat out of the bag, _"But I'm also traveling with the avatar.."_

He nodded at her knowingly, _"Then surely you must know of Prince Zuko's quest. Does he know about --"_

_"No. I haven't really.. found the best way to break the news to him."_ Kai sighed, _"And before you ask, no. My friends don't know about him either. To my knowledge they don't even know that you guys are in the city."_

_"Well.."_ His hand dipped into his lap beneath the table, pulling out a piece of parchment and sliding it across the board to her, _"Zuko knows that they are here. And while I do believe that you've been an amazing influence on him, he has struggled recently with finding his place in this world."_

It was a missing poster that Kai herself had helped plaster around the town earlier in the day. The picture of Appa stared back at her, mockingly. Her head fell into her hands. If she'd never lost Appa in the first place, she wouldn't even be in this situation.

_"Shhhit!"_ She cursed to herself, _"Shit, shit, shit!"_

Iroh gave her a few moments to collect herself. She peaked out from behind her fingers and asked the wise man, _"Tell me what to do then, Iroh."_

He got up from the table and snuffed out the flame, opening the front door for her. The street lanters illuminated her path back home. Iroh placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and said, _"You must tell him, my child. Before the universe does it for you."_

Kai stepped out onto the front porch, the cool breeze nipping at the dried sweat on her skin. The wind scraped across her eyes, causing tears to well up in the corners of them. No, those were real one — she could feel her lower lip quivering simply over the nostalgia of playing that exact game of Pai Sho over and over again. She didn't realize it then, but Bumi had been preparing her for so much more than her father had planned for her.

_"Iroh.."_ She turned on her heel and caught him just before he could shut the door. The words hung in her throat, she wasn't even sure that he would know the answer to the question she wanted so badly to ask.

_"Does.. Does Bumi speak of me?"_ She asked quiet as a mouse, as if she were scared of how he'd respond. It dawned on her that if he did speak of her, it may not be in the most flattering of light. Most of his time training her had gone to waste, after all.

_"I haven't spoken to him in quite a while. Since shortly after your banishment."_ Iroh said. He'd known of this girl for so long and had always hoped the same thing for her that he had his nephew, that she'd make her own destiny for herself. He'd only realized that she was her when he noticed the fading hint of a scar on her collar.

_"He always described you as.. a force of nature. As an earthquake wrapped in flesh and bones, deceivingly embellished with a beautiful face and a voice as sweet as honey."_

Iroh remembered thinking at the time, _what an odd way to describe a child._ But Bumi was odd, and now that he'd met her he understood completely. Kai had always loved his compliments the best. She'd met men in villages that'd tried their best to sweep her off of her feet, but their tipsy comparisons of her face to a summer rose or whatever other flora they were familiar with had always fallen short. After all, she didn't want to be terrifyingly beautiful. She wanted to be terrifying _and_ beautiful.

Kai smiled over her shoulder at Iroh and nodded at him, starting down the stairs only to be stopped again by his kind voice trailing behind her.

_"And Kai.."_ He said, pausing for her to acknowledge him, _"As you probably know, Bumi never had any children of his own. But he always said that you were like a daughter to him."_

She held her chin high and pretended like that admission didn't hit her like ten tons of bricks. Still, her strength faltered. Kai smiled through the few tears that broke through the dam of her eyes, but she couldn't speak without the whole thing threatening to burst.

She mouthed the words _"thank you"_ to him and set out toward home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note to tell you all that I love you and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!  
> Just a lil more smut/fluff/nsfw and then I’m ripping your hearts out.


	16. Earthworms and Maggots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 2, episode 17

Kai stood in front of the doors to her apartment rubbing her cheeks dry and trying to break up the blood that had reddened the surface of them. She didn't want her friends to ask questions. Though unless something astonishing had happened since she'd left earlier in the day, they likely would anyways.

She pushed open the door to find them all of them plus two huddled around in the living room. In the center of them all sat a chair. They turned to look at her one by one, that was when she saw the concerned faces of Smellerbee and Longshot.

_"Oh, shit.."_

Her heart turned into a warm puddle that dripped off of her ribs down into her stomach. Jet looked up from his lap, his hands tied together at the wrists. His eyes begged her for help like they'd done so many times before, and then flashed with fear when he saw her reaching over her shoulder for her blades.

_"What are you doing here, Jet? Smellerbee, Longshot?"_ Kai asked cautiously, moving slow as to not startle anyone.

_"I don't.. I don't know!"_ Jet stammered, _"I can't remember anything! Smellerbee and Longshot say that I was arrested by the Dai Li, but I cant..."_ They could all see the mess of scrambled up memories trying to sort themselves out in his head.

_"You were arrested by the Dai Li for coming at me with your hooks in the middle of town, you lying f--"_ She snarled, spitting venomous words his direction as her feet moved quickly toward him. Sokka and Longshot caught her in their arms, stopping her from doing any damage to his physical being when there was already so much done to his psyche.

_"How do YOU know Jet?!"_ Katara demanded with a suspicious finger pointed at her chest. A hint of jealousy laced her words, but Kai heard what she really wanted to ask very clearly.

_"Oh, don't act like it's a real shocker that he's been sweet on more than one girl, Katara."_ Kai rolled her eyes at the water bender and pushed her hand away from her chest.

She shoved her sword back into its holster. If he didn't remember anything, then he wasn't any real threat to her anyways. But it didn't change the fact that him being here at all had all of her secrets frightening close to being spilled out like a bag of loose marbles.. and lord, was that a lot of marbles..

_"Can we please focus on the task at hand here?"_ Aang asked the two girls who were still caught up in their own fierce staring competition. Kai was the first to cast her gaze away, and that was enough to satisfy him, _"We need to find a way to jog his real memories."_

Katara made a comment about Kai giving him a big, fat kiss. _"That should bring something back.."_ she mumbled under her breath. That was when an even better idea popped into Sokka's head. He pulled a leaf stem from a mattress pad in another room and stuck it between the boy's lips. He chewed on it for a moment, but nothing seemed to clear up for him in the end.

_"I don't think this is working."_ Jet said as he spat out the stem.

Toph suggested he try to think of something emotional from his past. Kai had known Jet for only a few weeks, but they'd gone through quite a lot together in that time. And as much as it benefited her to have him not remember the past.. it just wasn't right. She pushed through her friends and kneeled down in front of him.

_"Remember what happened the night before I left? We were in that military occupied village, just you and me."_

It was a painful enough memory for Kai herself, she didn't know if it would be strong enough to help Jet at all -- until she saw the sweat congealing on his forehead. His eyes trembled behind closed lids as his mind flashed with images of Kai.   
  


_The brush that surrounded the Freedom Fighters' camp shivered as Jet approached it, hooks in hand. He stood there, waiting for whatever assailants were sneaking up on them to make themselves known so that he could greet them with their own untimely demise._

_Finally, the foliage broke. Kai stumbled out of them and landed on her side, clutching her broken ribs. Her blouse torn and chest still glistening with fresh blood. It wasn't hers, no. The only blood that was spilling directly from her own veins came from the gnarly cut on her eyebrow and small one on her bottom lip._

_Jet dropped his hooks and barely took a step toward her. The wind stopped blowing. The creatures of the night that sat deep in the forest stopped stirring. Kai's mouth fell open in what would have been a blood curdling hell of a scream. But nothing came out, nothing at all._

_Instead, the Earth shook violently and Jet was forced to his knees._

He shook himself out of the memory quickly.

_"No, I cant!"_ His eyes popped open, _"It's too painful!"_

Katara fetched her water bag from the confines of her bedroom and stood behind him, _"Maybe this will help."_ She said as she summoned the water from its home, forming a comforting bubble around his skull. Jet closed his eyes again, trying his best to think of those memories that were right on the outer corner of his mind.

He saw the vast lake around him and Long Feng floating above the water. Suddenly, Jet was cast down beneath the surface, into a room made of brick and stone. He saw the pointed hat and shadowed eyes of a Dai Li agent and a spinning bright light.

_"They took me to a headquarters under the water. Like a lake."_ He said, his voice trembling.

_"Wait!"_ Sokka shouted, _"Remember what Joo Dee said? She said she went on vacation to Lake Laogai!"_

That was it, Jet stood up and suddenly everything was so clear. Lake Laogai, he rolled the words around on his tongue and they were so familiar. A tainted, coppery taste, like poison in his mouth.

_"Do you remember how you got there, Jet??"_ Katara asked as she bended the water back into the pouch.

_"If he doesn't, I think I do."_ Kai responded sheepishly.

It all made so much sense now. The lair underneath the lake that she'd taken Long Feng hostage in when they first arrived at Ba Sing Se. She knew that they were up to no good down there, but brainwashing? If they'd had that method when she was still at the base her father would've surely used it on her.

* * *

Daylight had just broken by the time the eight of them stood in front of the picturesque landscape. The mountains met the water at its very edge and mirrored off of it, helping to hide the sinister reality of what really lay underneath the waves.

_"So where's this secret headquarters?"_ Sokka asked.

_"It's far below the surface. I discovered it by accident when we first got here and almost burst a lung trying to swim down to it."_ Kai responded. Katara, Sokka and Aang might stand a chance holding their breath for that long, but she wouldn't dare ask that from any of the rest of them.

_"There's a tunnel right there by the shore."_ Toph said. She stomped her foot and sure enough, there it was. It rose up from the water like a phoenix from the ashes of war. She and Kai worked together to move the slab of rock that covered the entrance.

It was a long climb down, but just the same as Kai remembered when she stepped foot off the ladder. The long, dark hallways still glowed with green, luminescent crystals. She could hear chanting from behind a nearby door as they made their way through the first corridor.

_"It's all starting to come back to me now."_ Jet whispered, _"I think there might be a cell big enough to hold Appa up ahead."_

They continued forward through the winding hallways, they got confusing after awhile. Everyone was so focused on remembering where they had and hadn't been, they didn't even hear the foot steps that echoed off in the distance.

Kai's head turned sharply behind her. She didn't see anything.. but she was sure someone was there. In fact, she could feel it. Kai closed her eyes and stomped a little bit harder, the reverberations glowed blue in her mind's eye and it couldn't have been more clear.

Iroh had tried to warn her. _I should've known, I should've fucking known that the universe wouldn't let me off that easy.._ She could see the tall, lanky figure that darted through the hallways behind them. He was searching for the same thing that they were, only he was a lot closer to the grand prize.

The group was straying further and further from her, soon they wouldn't even realize that she'd fallen behind at all. Kai watched them race forward, counted down the seconds until she would be out of eyesight from them and then.. she was off.

She silently stalked the figure from the shadows, moving her feet in time with his so that she wouldn't be detected. She watched from the corner as the motion activated door at the end of the corridor slid open.

The Blue Spirit stood directly in front of Appa now. Everything that he'd been searching for was right at his fingertips. He could taste it, the life that had been so quickly ripped away from him was now dangling in front of his face like a cut of meat on a fishing line.

_"You're mine now.."_ He whispered to the beast, pulling out his blade. Appa growled at the stranger and shied away.

Kai took a deep breath, accepting that everything that she'd worked so hard to conceal may very well be about to crumble around her. She followed him through the door and bended it closed behind her, purposefully giving away her position.

Zuko turned on his heel, swinging his swords in a defensive manner. They came inches from Kai's face and still, she refused to flinch.

_"Kai?"_ Zuko asked, now face to face with the girl. He pulled his mask off, _"What are you doing here??"_

_"I was just about to ask you the same."_ She responded. Kai strolled past Zuko toward Appa, shushing his cries as she stroked his soft fur. Appa leaned his face into the girl's familiar touch.

_"Tell me, what do you plan to do now that you've found the avatar's bison? Keep him locked in your new apartment?"_ She looked up for a moment, her eyes glowing with the crystals that matched her unnatural shade, _"I'm sure he'd love for Iroh to put on a pot of tea for him."_

Zuko marched toward the girl, ready to demand answers from her. His hand shot out toward her shoulder, stopping abruptly when he remembered what had happened last time he caught her off guard. Zuko stood behind her taking in the stillness of the room. He looked deep into the bison's giant eyes from over her shoulder. They knew each other.

_"This is my destiny, Kai."_ His eyes shifted down to his feet. He'd drank up her words of believing he was different just the night before. She wouldn't think so purely of him now, not if she knew about how a part of him still craved his place on the throne. Conflict could be heard clearly in his words, they slipped out in a disappointed whisper, _"You just.. wouldn't understand.."_

Kai turned sharply, coming chest to chest with the sweet boy that'd offered her warmth and had kissed her more gently than anyone in her past. Her blown out pupils caused his reflection to stare back at him. Her sharp fingers grabbed him roughly by the jaw, refusing to let him look away from her as she barked at him, _"I know all about 'destiny', Zuko. If it weren't for me abandoning my destiny, you would be crawling with earthworms and maggots by now."_

She pushed him away from her, unable to bear the burden of seeing how he would respond. Zuko stumbled back on his feet and drew his other sword, readying himself for a fight that he never, ever wanted to happen.

_"I'm not going to fight you."_ She said. The last time she'd spoken words similar to those, she ended up bloody, broken and alone in the world. And there was a great chance that things would end up the exact same way this time around, only her heart would take the biggest beating of all. She sucked in a deep breath and pulled her shoulder holsters off of her back, sliding them across the floor to prove that she meant it, _"I've been lying to you, too."_

Zuko's arms fell from their fighting stance to his side, the tips of his blades scraping against the floor, _"I don't.. I don't understand."_

Kai bit down hard on her bottom lip, the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth as she mustered up the courage to look him in the eyes. She could live with seeing anger in his irises. Hell, even disappointment wouldn't cause her to lose too much sleep at the end of the day. But when her face turned up and their gazes locked, Kai could tell that Zuko's mind was racing. He was asking himself if he'd been betrayed again.

_"I was banished.. because I refused to kill your father."_ She said, clenching her teeth together afterward and swallowing hard, _"It was my destiny to end this war with royal blood being spilled. I was born and raised to assassinate your entire family, and I refused to do so."_

Zuko's brow furrowed in confusion. How could this girl, who would've been a child at the time of her banishment, even be considered for such a task? He scoffed, only to be cut off before he could even speak.

_"Don't.."_ Kai let out a dangerous chuckle that was more of a warning call, _"Don't doubt my abilities to have done so -- I could have then and I still could now. But I didn't. And because I didn't, you were given a second chance."_

Zuko could see the scene unfolding in front of him. Him, laying in his bedroom late at night. Maybe she would've straddled his chest and closed her hands around his throat, taking him out just as silently as she'd shown herself into the royal palace. Or maybe she'd slit his throat, letting his blood spill out onto his pure cotton sheets, unable to make a single sound due to his severed vocal chords. He wondered if he would've been given the chance to look into the pale jade eyes of his killer, or if she wouldn't have bothered giving him the pleasure.

He'd kissed the lips of this stranger and fallen under her spell. Zuko grit his teeth so hard that he could feel the powdery residue of them sticking to the inside of his dry mouth. He'd never been this close to restoring his honor before, he couldn't let it just slip away now..

_"If what you're saying is true, then I'm sorry. You shouldn't have thrown away your honor for a stranger."_ His own words tasted like tart poison as he swallowed them down, _"But I know my own destiny."_

_"Is it really yours? Or is it a destiny that someone else has tried to force on you?!"_ Kai snapped, _"Because I know which one mine was, and the universe has all but flat out written it in ink that there are parallels in our lives."_

Zuko couldn't take it. Not from her, not from the girl that'd been eager to kiss his lips just the night before. He lunged toward her, nostrils flared and canines showing like a rabid dog, _"Shut **UP** , Kai! I have to do this!"_

They were so close that their chests were pressed firmly against each one another's. Again, she did not flinch. Kai kept her chin held high and arms tucked taut behind her back without looking away this time. Zuko stared deep into her eyes, they were glassing over with salty, shimmering tears. He couldn't stand to see himself mirrored off of them, it was like he didn't even recognize himself anymore.

_"I'm begging you, Zuko."_ The first tear spilled down her cheek and her voice cracked as she whispered, _"Look inside yourself, please, and ask yourself the question.. Who are you? What do **you** want?"_

Zuko's deafening yell of anguish echoed off the walls of the massive room. He threw down his blades, his mask falling on top of them as he dropped to his knees at Kai's feet. Tears rolled down both of their faces. She lowered herself to his level and wrapped her arms around his head, pulling him to her. Zuko's arms tightened around her waist as he buried his face against her chest, his hot tears dampening her exposed skin.

In that moment, Zuko didn't feel like the apple that she'd equated him to in the comforts of his own bed at all. He felt like the tree. A small and weltering bonsai that was suffering from root rot, begging to be replanted and fed water that hadn't been poured into the canister by the hands of his father.

Kai held him until she felt his heart rate steady and his breathing even out. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the side of his head. Oh, how she wanted to just stay right here with him.. forever. But this world wasn't that forgiving. Her friends needed her help, and staying where they were was only growing more dangerous.

_"I have to go soon. I need to get Appa back to my friends."_ She whispered into his ear.

_"Right."_ He said, pulling himself to his feet and her up with him, _"We can talk about **that** the next time we meet."_

Zuko walked over to the chains that kept the bison restrained and held them in his hands, concentrating all of his heat and melting the metal until it severed. Kai held onto his fur and hoisted herself halfway up his side, when she felt a warm palm rest on her lower back.

_"We are going to meet again.. right?"_ Zuko asked. 

If she were being honest, she didn't know. She never knew, but there was nothing that she wanted more in the world.

_"You still owe me a date, don't you?"_ Kai responded as she leaned down and kissed him firmly on the cheek before mounting Appa and taking off.

* * *

Aang, Sokka, Katara and Toph raced through the walls of the mountain that surrounded Lake Laogai. They still didn't have their bison, and now they were being hunted down by Long Feng and Dai Li agents with nowhere to go.

_"You think we can out run them??"_ Sokka asked, panting for breath as his feet carried his as quickly as they could.

_"I don't think it's gonna matter."_ Aang comes to a screeching halt. Feng and his agents stood in a line in front of them. They cast the earth up, forming a three sided box around them with nowhere else to go besides back into the lake. Dai Li agents clung to the walls and sides of the mountain. Momo's excited chirping caught Aang's attention as he glided down and landed on his shoulder, _"What is it, Momo?"_

The lemur took off, seemingly flying straight into the sun. Only that giant ball of fire in the sky was getting bigger and bigger.

No, it was getting closer! Appa came into vision and on his neck sat Kai. His low grumble shook the walls that the agents had formed.

_"Appa!"_ Aang yelled, a smile filling his face from ear to ear.

_"And Kai!"_ Katara shouted as she threw her arm around Toph's shoulder.

Kai steered him toward the agents, bursting through their walls and sending the agents flying out into the lake. She waved her fist toward the mountain, busting up the stone that the remainder of the agents clung to before landing the bison smoothly against the shore.

Long Feng hobbled to his feet in front of them. The smug look on Kai's face disgusted him, and the wreckage around him.. he felt the scorn of embarrassment fogging his head.

_"I can handle the both of you by myself!"_ He said, taking a fighter's stance. But before he had the chance to try anything else, Appa scooped him up by the foot and tossed him easily over his shoulder. Feng skipped across the water like a flat rock and presumably sunk to the bottom.

Kai could hear the cheering and yells of her friends as they raced toward them. Aang landed against the bison's fur first, followed shortly by the rest of the gang. She slid down his leg and joined them.

The five of them flew together on the neck of Appa arm in arm across the water. There was nowhere in this kingdom that was safe for them, not with the Dai Li still in charge. Katara scanned the water for somewhere that would be safe for them to land.

_"How'd you find Appa, Kai?"_ Sokka asked, _"I mean, thank you, but how??"_

She felt Toph's arm tighten around her own, letting her know that she would back up whatever story she needed to tell them in order to keep her cover a secret. But Kai couldn't lie anymore. Not about who she was or the destiny that she'd strayed so far from. Especially when Zuko had given up so much today so that they could be where they sat now.

_"I'll explain everything when we find somewhere to land."_ She said, sighing to herself, _" **Everthing**..."_


	17. Metamorphosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2, Episode 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really long chapter guys I'm so sorry

_"So what you're basically saying is.. you're a highly trained assassin that went against military orders, was banished for it, spent the last three years wandering around the globe with no real purpose—"_ Sokka gave a quick run down of the long, drawn out story that Kai had just told them.

_"— and the real reason you came to Ba Sing Se with us was to hunt down your dad, but now you're looking for your mom because Long Feng told you that she lives in the lower ring?"_ Aang finished it off perfectly while still holding tight to the top of Appa's round, fuzzy head.

Kai sat against the rocky shore of the small island they'd found amongst the miles and miles of water. When they put it like that, it made her travels seem so.. boring. She'd done so much growing into herself during those years of "wandering around the globe with no real purpose", but without all the bells and whistles, they were pretty much spot on.

_"Sounds about right."_ She said, rolling a clump of wet clay around in her palm.

The two boys and Katara stared at her blankly for a few moments, waiting for her to tell them that this was some sort of poorly timed joke. Their eyes devoid of any blinking out of fear that they might miss a subtle change in her otherwise stoic expression. Toph sat right beside her, ready to defend her friend if any of them tried to claim she was lying.

Sokka and Aang both glanced at each other and Sokka's shoulders shrugged casually, _"Makes sense."_

Aang went back to stroking Appa's fur as if they'd just had a conversation regarding what they were going to eat for lunch. Katara continued bending small amounts of water into whips and lassoes, always keeping her abilities sharp as a whistle.

_"That's it?"_ Toph asked, _"You know little to nothing about her and yet you're so quick to believe that she's skilled enough to kill the freakin' Fire Lord?"_

_"I mean, her father_ ** _did_** _use me as bait in order to force Aang into the avatar state."_ Katara stated bluntly. General Fong was a mere cliff note in Aang, Sokka and Katara's biography, while there were whole chapters dedicated to him in Kai's.

_"I've never been able to call him 'inconsistent', that's for sure."_ Kai mumbled under her breath. It should've been a relief, really, telling her friends the truth about her origin. But she knew that if she spilled about any further, about whose pillow she'd laid her head against the night before, they would turn their backs on her in an instant.

Katara and Sokka were bickering back and forth about whether or not approaching the Earth King now was a good idea. It was petty sibling squabbling that Kai hadn't been subjected to growing up, but enjoyed nonetheless.

_"Look, we escaped the Dai Li. We got Appa back. I'm telling you, we should go to the Earth King now and tell him our plan while we're on a roll."_ Sokka argued.

_"One good hour after weeks of trouble isn't much of a roll."_ Katara said, and she was right. The Earth King likely didn't even know that they'd been in the city at all and if he was being let it in on it now, it probably wasn't in the best of light.

_"I hate to go against our self proclaimed leader,"_ Kai mocked Sokka, gaining the attention of them all, _"But Long Feng is who's_ ** _really_** _in control of the city. His conspiracy with the Dai Li is too powerful."_

The two extremes of Kai's mind tugged back and forth with each other. One being the responsible, resourceful side of her that knew going back into those walls was a battle just waiting to happen, and the other being undeniably selfish. That side of her was self serving, and was willing to put up a rigid fight if it only meant being able to say goodbye.

Aang glided down from atop Appa, allowing the wind to catch under his arms and slow his fall, _"But now that we have Appa back, there's nothing stopping us from telling the Earth King the truth. About the conspiracy and the war."_

_"See? Aang's with me!"_ Sokka shouted while throwing his arms around the young avatar's shoulder, cheesing hard for the girls that stood around him, _"It's the whole reason we came here in the first place. We have to try."_

_"It's the whole reason_ ** _you guys_** _came here. I'll fight any battles that we come across along the way, but my mission has always been to finally face my father."_ Kai said while pulling her blade straps tighter around her shoulders. She'd long noticed the ships approaching them from across the water and now the others could hear the shouting and ruckus that ensued on board as well.

Sokka pointed them out, they all had to agree on a move and quick. Ultimately, the choice was left up to Katara, who dropped her hesitant expression like it'd barely been hanging on by a thread. Her brow stiffened like it always did when she readied herself for battle. She grabbed Appa by the fur on his ribs and hoisted herself up onto his saddleless back, _"Let's fly!"_

The crew soared over the rushing waters, leaving the ships far behind them. It wasn't long until they could see the palace and the towering walls that surrounded it. Kai marveled over the structure. She felt almost a sort of resentment toward the whole thing, more so than she ever did any part of the Fire Nation. But then again, she'd never actually stepped foot inside of Capitol City, let alone flown over it.

_"We have to be careful."_ She said, harboring the dark thoughts she was having of forcing the earth below the palace to cave in all to herself, _"Long Feng's probably warned the king that we're coming."_

_"Why's that? If you ask me, I think we're just gonna sail right in and — INCOMING!!"_ A boulder half the size of Appa narrowly missed the lot of them, and even more were headed their direction.

Appa dodged as many as he could, but Aang, Toph and Kai put in their fair share of work as well. Aang sliced one clean down the middle, allowing each half to fly past them. But they didn't slow down. Kai looked over the edge of the beast to see that the earth benders below weren't lacking in ammunition either.

_"You guys do what you have to do to make it into the palace! I'll catch up!"_ Kai yelled through the winds that ripped and twisted around them. She stood on the tail end of the bison and free fell without a second thought to the ground below.

Sokka and Katara watched as she somersaulted midair, landing square in front of the first line of defense and sending a tsunami like wave of earth rippling across the ground, knocking back every guard in its path and forcing their ammo every which way across the palace grounds. Kai rode the wave out, catching up with her friends quickly.

The three earth benders continued blocking secondary attacks, shattering boulders into mere pebbles while Katara water-whipped countless guards. She could be heard muttering apologies and explanations to them all along the way.

The towering steps to the main building stood in front of them now, lined with hoards of personnel that they were sure Feng himself had sent to protect the place. Toph motioned in front of her and asked Kai, _"Would you like to do the honors?"_

She shrugged in response, _"I've already had my fun with that wave, you go ahead."_

Toph stomped her bare foot and every step flipped like a domino, sending the agents tumbling down the now sleek ramp. The ground below them lifted like a trap door and Kai and Aang worked together to glide them all up to the main floor.

They raced through the palace with Sokka shouting at the guards as they dodged them, _"What don't you guys understand?? We're on your side!"_ until they reached a set of doors that the five of them paled in comparison to.

Toph touched the door with one hand, her small fingers taking up only a fraction of its surface, _"Now_ ** _that's_** _an impressive door!"_

Sokka backtracked ten feet, _"It's gotta go somewhere."_ And took of sprinting toward it, lunging and then --

Nothing. The doors didn't budge and a shiver vibrated his body as he struck a nerve even trying to take the thing on. He looked back toward the group, ready to smile with embarrassment. And it was a good thing he did. Sokka's head ducked down just in time to miss another boulder that was being hurdled straight toward him. The boulder struck the doors, forcing them inward on their hinges. Kai followed the group past Sokka, dusting her hands off on the thighs of her trousers.

_"A little warning next time?"_ He said, standing to his feet and following them.

Aang raced into the expansive center of the palace. The Earth King sat high upon his throne made of precious gold. Long Feng stood as his right hand man like the little devil on his shoulder dressed in an angel's facade. The place reminded Kai of the Beifong estate, only much more immense.

_"We need to talk to you!"_ Aang shouted as he approached the Earth King's throne. Which wasn't much of an approach at all, thanks to the Dai Li agents that surrounded him.

Long Feng leaned down, whispering lies that would only benefit him into the king's ear, _"They're here to overthrow you."_

Sokka finally caught up and through his out of shape huffs and puffs said, _"No, we're on your side. We're here to help."_

They could all see that the Dai Li were readying for a fight, so they prepared just the same. Katara, uncorking her water horn and arming herself with a whip. Aang, holding his staff out like a jousting lance. Toph with her rocks hovering above her palms. Sokka, with his boomerang. And Kai, who'd unsheathed her swords off of her back.

The king looked down at them through the tiny glass frames that sat perched above the bridge of his nose. His scowl put Zuko's to shame. He rose from his seat on the velvet upholstered throne and crossed his arms, _"You invade my palace, lay waste to all my guards, break down my fancy door, and you expect me to trust you? If you are on my side, then drop your weapons and stand down!"_

Aang's eyes shifted to Katara, who wasn't sure about the demands. She looked to Toph, and on down the line until Sokka was begging Kai silently to tell them what to do. She didn't see any of them anymore. Her eyes were hyper focused on Feng and his on her, but her ears still heard her friends' weapons hit the floor in defeat. Kai did not move. She gripped the handles of her blades so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

_"He said, Drop. Your. Weapons. Girl."_ Long Feng repeated with a devilish smirk on his face. Kai wanted nothing more than to rip the pathetic excuse of a goatee off of his skin. She felt the wooden handles beginning to falter beneath her grip and her friends burning holes into her with their eyes.

She reluctantly loosened her fingers and shoved the swords back over her shoulders, returning her weapons of choice to their home.

_"Detain the assailants!"_ Feng shouted and in one swift move, five Dai Li agents released handcuffs made of stone. They wrapped around their wrists, binding their hands together behind their backs.

Of course, these "handcuffs" meant nothing to Aang, Kai and Toph. They could bend the material just as well at their own whim.

_"Make sure the avatar and his friends never see the daylight again."_ Feng continued, _"And as for the girl --"_

_"The avatar?"_ The Earth King interrupted, pointing a royal finger at Sokka, _"You're the avatar?"_

And though Sokka looked flattered for a moment, he motioned his head toward Aang, _"Uh, no. Him."_ Aang's hands freed from their restraints for long enough to wave his palm, _"Over here!"_

The king looked just as starstruck as anyone else that'd met Aang along the way. His stoic expression softened in an instant and he became just as soft and cuddly as Bosco the bear that sat to his left. Long Feng leaned down, muttering into the king's ear, _"What does it matter Your Highness? They're enemies of the state."_

_"Perhaps you're right.."_ The only thing that the king held above Long Feng's advisements was Bosco's judgement of character. His pet abandoned his spot next to the king and waddled down the steps, sniffing up and down Aang's nimble stature. He licked the boy lovingly and growled playfully as the boy laughed over the affection. The king smiled down at the gang, having ultimately made his decision, _"Though Bosco seems to like him. Hm.. I'll hear what he has to say."_

With all eyes on him, Aang took the floor. He admitted to the king that there was a war going on, one that had been going on since long before he was ever put in his position of power. He accused Long Feng and the Dai Li of conspiring against the king, which Long Feng denied adamantly and the king wasn't so quick to believe. Aang spilled freely about the theft of his sky bison and about Jet's brainwashing.

_"All lies. I've never even seen a sky bison, Your Majesty. Frankly, I thought they were extinct."_ Long Feng said, _"These hooligans are part of an anarchist cell that my agents have been tracking for weeks. If you listen to them, you're playing right into your own destruction."_

King Kuei scratched his chin, torn on who to believe. Sure, this was the avatar that stood before him.. but Long Feng was his most trusted acquaintance. He sighed, _"I'm sorry, but I have to trust my advisor."_

Dai Li agents began to move in on the gang. They gripped each of them by their forearms that will still secured behind their backs. Sokka began to panic, his eyes searching the room for anything that could quickly get them out of this mess. His attention was caught by a small rip on the lower leg of Kai's trousers, his smile grew wide as he turned back toward the king, _"Wait! I can prove he's lying. Long Feng said he's never seen a sky bison before. Ask him to lift his robe!"_

Before the secretarian could refuse, Kai caught on to what Sokka was trying to do. Her force was stronger than the agents that believed they had a hold on her. She bended the restraints and the rocks fell to the ground, allowing her to slip one of her blades out of its sheath and send it sailing across the room.

Long Feng didn't have time to react and Katara squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the screams of terror that were sure to ensue. She heard a small ripping sound and then Sokka's boyish laugh, _"HA! See! Appa bit him!"_

Katara opened her eyes and the front of Long Feng's robe was sliced at the knee, not a nick on his skin, besides the teeth marks that were glowing an angry red shade on his shin.

_"Never met a sky bison, huh?"_ Kai asked, having stolen Feng's smirk.

* * *

Iroh met Zuko at the doorway of their apartment. He held a small, proud smile and open arms, which his nephew denied a hug from. It wasn't that he couldn't have used a bit of warm affection in that moment, just that he was tired from his journey.

_"You did the right thing, letting the avatar's bison go free."_ He said. Zuko hadn't needed to explain to his morning to his uncle, he always just _knew_ these things. Iroh was simply happy to see his nephew making better decisions, decisions that were her own.

Zuko walked past the old man into the room. _It's so hot in here_ , he thought to himself. Sweat had already dampened his hair when he felt his legs starting to melt like an ice cream cone on a warm day.

_"I don't feel right.."_ He said. The room began turning counter clockwise slowly, sending Zuko falling to his side. He brought a vase down with him as he gripped for stability and it shattered against the hardwood floors. Iroh rushed to his side, pulling him to the center of the floor and gathering cool rags to place on his head.

Zuko slipped quickly into a high fever while Iroh worked diligently to fight it off. He opened every window and fed Zuko water when he would take it. He woke up only once, sitting up for long enough to gulp down a few cups of water, pull off his clothes that were sticking with sweat to his skin, and then pour the rest of the bucket over his head. Then he was out again like a light, slipping into a deep, dark fever dream.

_Zuko sat upon his throne late at night. It was ten years in the future and as if the past had never happened. He was beautiful, just like he used to be. His skin untouched by the scorn of his angry father, his long hair pulled back tight._   
_Two dragons circled the pillars on either side of him. One red and one blue. He recognized the blue dragon's voice immediately as Azula's, "It's getting late. Are you planning to retire soon, my lord?"_   
_He told the dragon that he wasn't tired as it swirled around him but it continued to whisper in his ear, "Relax, Fire Lord Zuko. Just let go. Give in to it. Shut your eyes for a while."_   
_The red dragon swam the opposite direction of the blue one, contradicting it's foe in nearly every way, "Do not listen to the blue dragon, my love."_   
_For a moment Zuko believed that it's voice was that of his mother. But no, it was far too young and much more fresh in his memory._   
_"You must go now, before it's too late!"_   
_It was Kai's voice. She grew serious and commanding, though he could tell that it was out of deep concern._   
_"Sleep now, Fire Lord Zuko." The blue dragon said as the room around him crumbled to nothingness. The guards that were watching over him fell to the ground and disappeared. He was surrounded by pure darkness, "Sleep. Just.. like.. mother!"_

Zuko shot up on his floor pallet just as the blue dragon lunged at him through the darkness, he yelped with fear. Iroh was still right by his side. He placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder and handed him a cup, _"You should know that this is not a natural sickness, but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying some tea."_

_"What's happening?"_ Zuko asked. The pain in his throat was sharp. His mouth was dry and sticky.

_"Whatever you did this morning.. It was in such conflict with your image of yourself that you are now at war within your own mind and body."_ Iroh said as he fed his nephew even more green tea. Zuko tried to ask him what he meant but his lungs wouldn't allow it. He was forced back onto the ground in a coughing fit and Iroh continued, _"You are going through a metamorphosis, my nephew. It will not be a pleasant experience, but when you come out of it, you will be the beautiful prince you were always meant to be."_

Zuko felt himself beginning to slip back under. His uncle brought another cool, wet towel to his forehead, only to have his wrist gripped limply when the rag touched Zuko's skin.

Zuko looked up at him through glazed over, gunky eyes. His lips were pale and cracking but he spoke anyways, _"She.. Kai.."_ He coughed a few more times, _"She was supposed to kill me, all of us.. it was her destiny.."_

Iroh pursed his lips and nodded his head, telling his nephew that he knew. He'd always known. He returned the rag to the bucket of water and brushed the wet hair out of Zuko's face, speaking diligently so as to allow Kai the privacy that she deserved, _"I suspect that Kai has.. lived a much different life than you have, Prince Zuko."_

He shook his head and the darkness pulled him back into it's clutches. From what Zuko could tell, they hadn't lived very different lives at all. At least not in the grand scheme of things, _"She gave it all up.. So why can't I?.."_

* * *

King Kuei was introduced to Appa and, though he was enamored by the flying beast, he was still hesitant to believe that this animal was the only thing that could've caused the mark on Long Feng's leg. So the grew told him about Lake Laogai, about the underground fortress where the brainwashings of dozens of Joo Dee's and vagrants like Jet took place. But by the time they'd climbed over the mountains that surrounded the water, the lair had been destroyed. The king was growing tired of being dragged around his kingdom, but gave the gang one last shot at proving their point when Sokka promised him a ride on Appa.

_"What_ ** _is_** _that?"_ He asked as they stood atop the outer wall of Ba Sing Se. The drill was still sticking halfway out of the stone.

_"It's a drill. Made by the Fire Nation to cut through your wall."_ Sokka said, giving the king a moment to come to terms with everything that he'd learned that morning. In that time, they heard the ding of an elevator. The doors opened and out stepped Long Feng and two Dai Li agents.

_"I can explain this, Your Majesty."_ Long Feng said, _"This is nothing more than a.. construction project."_

_"Oh, really?"_ Katara asked, holding back a laugh, _"Then perhaps you could explain why it has a fire nation insignia on it?"_

Feng looked at the group, a small tear a sweat dripping down his temple. Panic roared through him. He tried to make up another lie, telling the king that it was merely imported. _"You know you can't trust imported machinery."_ he said. His arms crossed as he retreated in on himself.

_"Dai Li agents.."_ King Kuei said, cutting his eyes at long Feng, _"Arrest Long Feng! I want him to stand trial for crimes against the Earth Kingdom."_ He cast his gaze away from his former advisor in shame.

Kai fought the smile from spreading across her face. The Dai Li agents moved behind Feng and gripped his forearms tight, readying to lead him deep within the palace walls to a jail cell. But their grip on his arms fell soft. She noticed that they didn't cuff him with restraints made of stone like they had she and her friends just an hour prior. And then she remembered all those years ago, the few times a year that she accompanied her father to the Beifong estate. When she'd stand uniformly behind him and stare up at the strange man that was always being followed around by these exact same agents.

_"Please, let me."_ She said, taking the pit of Feng's elbow in her hand much tighter than they had. She stood nearly chest to chest with the anonymous agent, now able to see under the shadow of his pyramid hat. His jaw was clenched tight, he wanted so badly to let her feel the strength of the back of his palm.. to put her right in her place. She smiled at him, _"I'd hate for the two of you to have to spend another second with this traitor."_ Their eyes followed her until the elevator doors closed behind them.

The jail quarters in the back of the palace were dark and damp. Rats the size of Momo could be heard scurrying along the pipes overhead and whenever a commode was flushed anywhere in the palace, the loud rush of water shook every wall around them. Kai and Feng didn't speak once during their journey, she wanted to make sure that they were absolutely, positively alone before she had words with him.

The door slammed hard behind them as she let herself inside the cell with him, bending the stone from the ground up over the wall so that they could have ultimate privacy.

Feng twisted in her grip and Kai let him go without hesitation. He needed a moment to express his frustration, she understood that. His hand shot out and gripped her around the throat. Feng snarled in her face, canines showing and spit bubbling against his gums.

_"Do. It."_ Kai hissed. She stared deep into his taupe colored eyes without making a move. She could still breathe comfortably and knew he wasn't going to tighten his fingers any further, he wouldn't dare. No one would hear him beg for his life in this desolate place. His final words would fade away just as quickly as he would.

Feng ripped his hand away and retreated to the other side of the room. He tucked himself into the corner, sitting quietly on the floor and folding his arms into the sleeves of his robe, _"What more could you possibly want from me? You've already taken everything -- my kingdom, my honor."_

Kai relished in his childlike behavior for a moment. She cocked her head, noticing how small he now looked.

_"Truthfully, I just wanted to see what you looked like in a jail cell."_ He cut his eyes up and her and then back down at his lap.

Kai crossed the room slowly, shuffling her feet along the dirty floors until her ankles almost touched his crossed knees. Then she crouched down to his level, _"But we do need to have a little talk, Feng."_

Feng refused to look her in the face again. The disrespect she'd consistently been showed from him, even when she had the upper hand, was starting to royally piss Kai off. She snatched up the sliver of hair that hung from his chin and forced his head to tilt up.

_"You will look at me when I'm talking to you_ _._ _"_ She growled, _"Understand?"_

Feng made a pained grunting noise that told her they were on the same page and she let go of his goatee. Kai stretched one arm across the only opening that he had access to, placing her hand on the wall that his back sat against.

_"You lied to me."_ She stated bluntly.

_"I've done no such thing."_ Fong responded. She pressed her palm firmer against the wall and felt the skip in his heart, the way that it sped up by just a hair after he spoke.

_"I can feel that you're lying now, too."_ His breathing halted and he refused to blink, _"I've spent weeks wandering around alleyways in the lower ring and the only thing I've found is that you're full of shit."_

Kai knew that she had really only looked for her mother a handful of times. After looking into the eyes of hundreds of strangers, she'd realized that there was no way she was going to find the woman here. But that didn't change the fact that she understood now what was always true, Feng would lie about anything to save his own ass.

_"You don't actually know a thing about my mother, do you?"_ She asked and couldn't stop her voice from sounding so small.

_"I haven't seen the woman since before you were born."_ Feng continued to look into her eyes and saw those of the small girl that had once never seen anything outside of a military base. A girl he could bring down a notch, _"But if I had to guess, she's probably taken up occupation as concubine to the Fire Sages."_

Her palm dropped from the wall and for a moment Feng's lips turned up with pride from what he thought was a proper insult. Then his blood ran cold as he realized what he'd just revealed.

_"The Fire Sages??"_ She asked and Feng rushed to stutter out an excuse, stopped only by Kai's palm slapping back against the wall again. She reached quickly into her pant pockets and pulled out a short switchblade, pressing it firmly against his throat. He swallowed hard, holding his chin high as the icy cold metal forced goosebumps to raise on his skin.

_"Your mother.. hails from the Fire Nation.."_ Feng's words ran together as he mumbled under his breath but Kai heard them just fine. She pushed the blade back into the handle and stood to her feet, turning her back on Feng for just long enough to wipe the astonishment off of her face.

Kai felt the blood drain from her body and pool in the souls of her feet. She remembered Jet's words of how she carried herself like a fire bender. If anyone would know, it was him. Her braid whipped over her shoulder as she turned back toward Feng who still remained sitting on the floor, _"Do you know if she's still alive??"_

_"I told you, girl, I haven't seen her since months before you were born. That may be a question better suited for General Fong."_

Her lips turned up into a smile and she dipped her fingers back into her pocket, slipping the blade handle between her fingers, _"Great idea."_ Kai crouched back down to his level and stuck the blade under his chin, forcing him to maintain eye contact with her.

_"Where's dad?"_

* * *

Kai spent some time in the palace gardens after leaving the darkness of the jail cell quarters behind her. She was contemplating her next move and realized that whichever way she spun it, she was leaving Ba Sing Se.. soon. She welcomed the cool air that hit her skin as she pushed through door after door of the mansion. What Long Feng told her had caused her blood to run hot.. her _fire nation_ blood.

Toph, Katara, Sokka and Aang were crowded around King Keui's desk in his private chambers when Kai finally found them. A large box sat in the center of the oak finish and they were rifling through a stack of letters that'd been pulled out of it.

_"Kai!!"_ Toph's childish voice rung out, she was the only one to notice her enter the room, _"I got a letter from my mom! She wants to reconcile, it sounds like she finally understands me!"_

_"And I got one from a guru at the Eastern Air Temple! He says he can help me prepare for the Day of Black Sun!"_ Aang shouted, barely able to contain his excitement as his eyes welled up with joy.

Kai smiled through the confusion she was feeling deep inside of her. It wasn't her place to ruin her friends' excitement. _"That's great, you guys."_

Katara held a scroll out in front of her and Sokka waited eagerly by her side as she read what it said aloud, _"A small fleet of water tribe ships..."_

_"What?? That could be dad!"_ Sokka interrupted her briefly but she continued reading.

_"Protecting the mouth of Chameleon Bay. Led by Hakoda - It is dad!!"_ The siblings hugged each other tight.

A sad sort of jealousy creeped it's way inside of Kai's body. She'd be seeing her father again soon too, only _her_ reunion would be far different than the one that awaited Sokka and Katara.

There was nothing in the box for Kai. No letters from friends or family because she had none of that. Everyone that she had stood right in front of her, and even they had people that they'd put in front of her if need be.

_"I hate to say it, but it sounds like we'll have to split up then."_ It would've been easy for them to all couple up. She could go with Toph to meet up with her mom and then drag her on the journey to confront her father. But she still didn't know what she was going to do when she finally saw him again. A part of her craved violence and blood from the man that'd only ever shown her that. And then another part of her, the smallest sliver she could offer, was still his daughter. His _daughter_ needed answers.

_"Split up? We just found Appa and got the family back together! Now you want us to separate?_ " Aang argued with worry lacing his boyish features.

_"You have to meet this guru, Aang. If we're going to invade the fire nation, you need to be ready. And, heaven forbid something goes wrong, Toph, Katara and Sokka deserve to see their families one last time before the eclipse."_

Her words echoed what all of them had been thinking over the last few weeks — that this mission was dangerous. It was adult business being carried out by a bunch of kids and teenagers, and all of them might not make it out alive.

Aang turned to the two water tribe members, _"Well, if I'm going to the Eastern Air Temple, Appa and I can drop you guys off at Chameleon Bay to see your dad."_

_"Someone has to stay here and help the Earth King plan for the invasion."_ Sokka said. All of their eyes fell on Kai.

She shook her slightly and she sucked a deep breath of air into her lungs, _"I can't. Long Feng finally told me where my father is, so.."_ She looked up from her feet and finally said it out loud for the first time, _"I'm going to find him. He's somewhere in the Great Divide. It's time that he answered for the hell he put me through."_

Disappointment fell over Sokka as he slumped down in his seat, _"I guess it's up to me."_

_"No, Sokka."_ Katara said, she rested her hand on his shoulder, _"I know how badly you wanna help dad. You go to Chameleon Bay, I'll stay here with the king."_

Sokka couldn't contain his excitement, he danced wildly out of his seat and planted a big, sloppy kiss on his sister's cheek, _"You are the nicest sister ever!!"_

* * *

Kai tossed bags up to Sokka, who was kneeling on Appa's bag. They were packing up for the journey ahead and she was subtly eavesdropping on Aang and Katara's conversation.

_"When ya headin' out, Kai?"_ Sokka asked from his spot above her.

She shook herself out of the daze she'd worked herself into and tossed him another sack, probably full of jerky, _"I'm gonna get some rest and leave late tonight. I'll have to cross the Serpent's Pass, it should be easier in the dark."_

Kai hadn't gone with the group the first time they went through the pass and Sokka was immediately worried for the girl. Last time he'd only had Suki to look after, and that was a job in and of itself. The thought of her crossing that terrain all on her own unsettled him.

_"Erm.. why don't you just hitch a ride with us? We can drop you off and then set flight for Chameleon Bay."_

She smiled over his concern but knew that his plan wouldn't work, _"Thanks, but you guys are going east and I'm going west. It'll be quicker if I just go by myself."_

_"Right.. I guess that makes sense."_ Sokka slid down the side of Appa to join her on the ground, _"What about your boyfriend in the lower ring? He's not down for the drifter lifestyle?"_ He took caution to at least cast his voice down volume while he poked fun at her.

Kai rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, and tossed the last of their bags up onto the bison's back, _"He's not my boyfriend, dummy. Even if he was —"_ she worked diligently to not let the darkness that was tucked away inside of her show on her face, _"this is just something that I have do on my own, if that makes sense."_

He pursed his lips and nodded, knowing that there was no changing her mind. Kai held out her hand for a water tribe warrior's hand shake, just like Sokka had shown her a few times. His concerned expression turned up into a smile. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. He grabbed her forearm arm and she did the same to him, only to be pulled tightly against the boy's chest. Sokka let go of her arm and wrapped his lanky limbs around her shoulders.

_"Promise you'll be careful."_ He mumbled into her thick hair.

Kai held back tears and gripped the back of his shirt, hugging him back with everything in her. Thinking to herself that _this_ was why she didn't give out "goodbyes" to everyone that she met. But she knew that even if she did, even if she said a heartfelt farewell to every stranger that had shown her an ounce of kindness along the way, saying it to the people that stood around her now would always be the hardest.

_"Absolutely not."_ She responded and felt him chuckle against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, this was a really long chapter and the next chapter is even longer. I'm so sorry. I just had to get these two chapters out of the way so we could get the ball rolling.


	18. Vitamin D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** WARNING - VERY LONG AND VERY NSFW *****

Zuko stirred from his half-day slumber. He'd woken twice earlier in the day from horrible, tantalizing fever dreams, but had sweated out most of his heat. With Iroh nowhere to be found and no one stopping him now from taking care of himself, Zuko pulled his tired but refreshed body into the small bathroom in the hall.

He looked in the mirror and noticed how thin he'd become after months of scavenging for food. His ribs were starting to protrude against his torso. But that wasn't what bothered him the most in that moment, he could smell himself. He lifted his underarm and took a big whiff that was instantly regretted, the smell of cooled sweat and dust from that underwater lair filled his nostrils. His head recoiled.

Zuko pulled off his damp shorts and sat in the tub, turned on the faucet and splashed water over his face. He scrubbed his body from head to toe and massaged his scalp just like the women at the palace used to with their dainty fingers.

When he re-emerged from the washroom, now dressed in clean clothes with his hair towel dried, he felt ten pounds lighter. And not just because he had literally lost about ten pounds of muscle and water weight. It felt like a rock solid load had been lifted off of his chest. Like he'd had a giant, hate filled tumor surgically removed and he was just waking up from sedation with a new found appreciation for life. He could think clearly now, he could see the golden light shining through the many windows in their new apartment, and he could smell — _what was that?_

He walked through the living room and saw his uncle's back turned to him, facing the stove. Iroh leaned over a large tin pot that was simmering over heat, stirring it. Zuko couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten, it had to have been before Kai came over to spar the night before. 

_"What's that smell?"_ Zuko asked curiously.

His unexpected voice startled the old man, _"It's jook. I'm sure you wouldn't like it."_

Zuko leaned over the pot and had never smelled anything more appealing. He reached for a bowl on the counter and held it in his hands, a smile spreading across his face, _"Actually, it smells delicious. I'd love a bowl, Uncle."_

Iroh ladled enough jook into his bowl to fill it to the top and then another for himself, taking notice of his nephew's good mood, _"Now that your fever is gone, you seem.. different, somehow."_

Zuko followed his uncle to their dining room table and slurped the jook loudly, like Kai had done her noodles during their double date. Something he would've been reprimanded for back home.

_"It's a new day. We've got a new apartment, new furniture, and today's the soft opening of your new tea shop."_ His head turned slightly at the sound of a small knock at the door, _"Things are looking up, Uncle."_

Zuko pulled the door open and if Iroh thought his nephew's rare smile couldn't have gotten wider, he was proven wrong that very moment. Kai stood leaned against the door frame and was almost taken aback by his obvious change of character. Her tired, shadowed eyes widened with surprise and her body stiffened when Zuko reached for her waist.

She loosened up a bit when he pulled her loosely against his torso and kissed her right on the lips. It wasn't forceful or hungry like some of the other kisses they'd shared. Zuko kissed her only briefly, it was soft and sweet like a small good morning gesture that a husband shares with his wife to let her know he was happy that they were given another day together. If Kai were being honest with herself, it was a kiss like she'd never experienced before, blush filled her cheeks and chest and Iroh witnessed every bit of it.

Zuko let go of her and led her through the apartment to the dining room with his uncle. She eyed him quizzically, darting glances toward Iroh to see if anything was amiss.

_"Someone's in a good mood this afternoon.."_ Kai said with a hint of suspicion lingering in her tone, though she couldn't say that she didn't mind this new, _affectionate_ version of Zuko. He nodded and went back to slurping the bowl of jook in front of him.

_"I hate to put a damper on your day,"_ she continued, _"but I'm headed back home tonight. Hopefully I'll only be gone for about a week. But I wanted to say goodbye, just in case."_

_Just in case_. Just in case _what_ , exactly? In case a serpent swallowed her whole during her journey across its pass? In case the canyon crawlers didn't remember her from the seemingly endless nights she spent shaking the core of their home? Or maybe it was in case her father decided to finish her off for good this time, and she faltered under their biological connection to do him in first.. _again_.

It didn't dampen a thing for Zuko. Tonight was tonight and now was now, those two spaces of time were worlds apart in his mind. He finished off his bowl and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, _"Should we enjoy our date now then?"_

Kai's eyebrow cocked, she didn't remember him suffering from a concussion. Not when he was in the chamber with her, at least. And the date that she'd promised him was the last thing on her mind. Zuko pushed his chair out from the table, plenty of energy and ready to go wherever she wanted to drag him along to. Kai's eyes flashed toward Iroh again and he stood up, halting his nephew's eagerness.

_"I don't know if that's the best thing for you right now, Prince Zuko."_ Iroh said while holding his hands out in a "slow down" motion, _"You've had a rough day and are just recovering from a fever."_

Zuko was having none of it. He'd spent the last eight hours sleeping and fighting off fever dreams that he thought he'd never wake up from. Cabin fever was setting in quickly and if this might be his last day with this nomadic stranger, he was going to make it count, damnit.

_"Nonsense, I feel great. Besides, some sunlight could be good for me, Uncle."_ He argued without really making the conversation into an argument at all. Iroh eyed him up and down. _He does look much better than he did this morning,_ Iroh thought to himself, _Better than he has in months, actually.._

That is, besides the slightly jaundiced color of his paler than usual skin. Iroh scooped up both of their bowls and took them to the sink, turning his back on the young couple so they couldn't see the growing smile on his face, _"I guess I could probably handle the soft opening on my own.. and little bit of vitamin d **would** bring the color back to you." _He stated, allowing his nephew to believe that he'd won this round, _"But don't stay out too late!"_

Zuko's hand stretched out toward Kai, who was still sitting confused and so, so sleepily against the table. If she wanted to leave tonight, she'd have to rest at one point or another. And she still had to go back to her own apartment for a small bag of supplies that she hadn't anticipated needing today.. but when she looked up into Zuko's caramelized honey colored eyes, those were the eyes of a man who now knew he had the whole world in front of him. And who was she to ruin that for him?

_I've gone longer without sleep.. What's a day or two matter, really?_

Kai returned his smile but didn't take his hand. She didn't need him to lead her around town like a kept woman. He followed her out the door, watching her hips swing like the tail of an alley cat.

* * *

The July heat beat down on the two of them as they walked through the upper ring. It wasn't busy out, rarely was. Most of the people that lived here were too fond of their porcelain complexion to spend their days under the sun. Lord forbid they sweat a tiny bit under their finest clothing and powdered faces. But Kai didn't mind it, and neither did Zuko. Not usually anyways. But this heat was intense, scorching.

They walked and talked and Zuko mindlessly followed her away from the houses painted in golds, greens and whites. He paid no attention to where she was leading him, and Kai was glad. She needed an organic pick me up that would double as relief from the unforgiving ball of fire perched high above them. They wandered through paved sidewalks until they turned to cobblestone paths, and then those paths turned to dirt trails as they came upon a small cliff of maybe ten feet high. Below it sat a shimmering oasis. A large pond of clear blue water that was deep enough to plunge themselves into but shallow enough that they could still see the undisturbed bottom.

_"Oh.."_ Zuko said as he realized where she'd taken him, _"I didn't exactly.. dress for going swimming."_

He glanced down at his pants and collared shirt with boots that matched. It was a trendy ensemble in the Earth Kingdom, but _fuck_ , was the heat getting to him..

_"Neither did I."_ Kai replied, dropping her shoulder straps and blades to the ground. She kicked off her shoes and felt something harsher than the sun staring her down.

Zuko had noticed her beginning to undress and didn't stop himself from watching this time. Or admiring, as he'd once called it. Whatever it was, she'd caught him once again. He wasn't as shocked this time around, seeing her pull her waist belt loose and tossing her top into a crumpled up pile on the ground, but seeing her long, thin fingers pull the drawstring knot of her pants free.. Zuko could feel every ounce of water that'd ever touched his mouth evaporate.

_"Are you just going to watch, or do you plan on joining me?"_ Kai said and his vision darted from the curve of her hips to her pale eyes.

He struggled to respond with his tongue void of any moisture. Somehow his hand managed to find the buttons of his top and undid them all without fucking it up. Kai pushed the pants that she'd long outgrown over her hips and untied the knot at the base of her braid loose, shaking her unwashed hair free.

Zuko admired her more gently this time while he stepped out of his shoes and pants, leaving him in only his loose underwear. She'd undressed before him like it wasn't a taboo at all. Not that she was fully naked or, from his point of view, had a single thing to be ashamed of. She stood in the same sand colored binder that he'd found her in at the small hot spring in the woods, with underwear of a matching shade that hugged the skin on her thighs. They offered her coverage now, but he wondered just how translucent they'd become once they were plunged into the water below.

Kai walked to the edge of the cliff and Zuko followed in suit, peeking over the ten foot drop.

_"On three?"_ She asked, her voice sweet and childlike, lacking any trace of the sultriness that she liked to use while teasing him.

_"You're not going to do that thing where you count to three and then just watch me jump, are you?"_ Zuko asked, cutting his eyes at her.

Kai paused for a long moment before smiling her wide, toothy grin at him, _"Well not now, you took all the fun out of it."_ She crossed her arms squarely across her chest and with the softest stomp of her heel sent the earth below him shifting upward, taking Zuko with it in tow.

His flight through the air was brief and he was taken so off guard that he didn't even get the chance to scream before hitting the water. It was a cold wake up call in contrast to the hot summer day. Zuko's blood, which had just a few moments prior been flowing beneath his waistline while watching his date unrobe, rushed to all four of his limbs in an attempt to warm him back up. He could hear Kai bursting at the seams with laughter from ten feet above.

_"I'm sorry!"_ She yelled through fits of giggles, _"You just looked like you needed some cooling off."_

Zuko shook his wet hair like a freshly bathed dog and lifted his middle finger far above his head, but her laughter still brought a smile to his face, _"Get down here, you pussy!"_

Kai disappeared from his point of view, getting a running start on the small cliff and launching herself off of it. She tucked her knees in tight and hit the water hard, causing waves to disrupt the minnows that swam just below the surface. When she reappeared, after pausing to wipe the water from her eyes and push the hair out of her face, she noticed that she was alone. Her eyes scanned the peaks of settling waves and the bushels of berries that surrounded the oasis. Nothing.

_"I get it Zuko, you can come out now."_ She said while still keeping her voice to herself, just in case someone else were around.

_"Ha ha, very funny!"_ She shouted, a tiny bit louder this time. But the silence that surrounded her was deafening.

Just as she was about to start paddling for the pond's edge, she felt the rough, scaly skin of a fish brush against her ankle. She jerked her leg away and then laughed at herself for getting so easily startled over a fucking fish.

Except there it was again. And it was no fish. It wrapped itself around Kai's ankle and tugged hard and fast, pulling her down like fresh caught bait before she had the chance to bend the pond floor to her whim. Long before she had the chance to hold her breath, as well.

Kai sucked in a lung full of water when whatever this was pulled her underneath the surface. She thrashed momentarily, feeling a pair of broad shoulders that belonged to her assailant, and knew in an instant that she had been fooled, too. Zuko let go of the girl and she floated back toward the sun, choking and gasping for air. When her ears unclogged, he was the one laughing now.

_"It's not funny! I could've drowned, you ass!"_ She shouted playfully, though it was indeed funny.

Zuko couldn't catch a breath for long enough to object and soon she was joining him in giggles mixed with wet coughs. Which in time turned into a splashing match, which turned into them grabbing each other by the shoulders in a loud, wrestling-dunking competition.

Zuko dunked her one last time and she held onto him for dear life, wrapping her legs tight around his torso and her arms around his shoulders like a squid, forcing him to go down with her. The space between them was nonexistent. When they re-emerged they were sputtering and still gasping for breath. Kai's stomach ached from laughing so hard and Zuko wiped the water mixed with tears from his eyes. His hands had found a home wrapped around her waist during all of their flirtatious rough housing, and she didn't make a move to untangle herself from him yet. Kai remained perched against his lap like it was right where she belonged, her feet hooked around his back.

When their laughter finally settled down, she used her fingers to push the sopping wet hair from his face. Kai wanted to see the way sunlight reflected off of his eyes, and the view didn't disappoint. They looked like honey freshly scraped from the comb, ready to be mixed in with her morning tea.

_"See, I knew you could have fun."_ She teased with her chest still heaving from all the energy she'd just spent.

_"Is that why you brought me here, so you could see if I know how to have fun?"_ Zuko allowed the soft current to wash his hands wherever it pleased over her skin. He drank up her never ending smile and still wondered why girls back home always held a bored expression when she made enjoying life look so.. _easy._

_"Nope."_ She shook her head gently, her hand still resting on the side of his face, _"I brought you here so **you** could see that you're allowed to have fun."_

_"I have fun."_ He responded, as if trying to convince her that this wasn't a first for him. Spending genuine time with someone other than his uncle, that is. Zuko rested his head against the light freckles that dotted her sun kissed collar and Kai embraced his soft affection. She continued running her fingers through his hair and held onto him with one arm around his shoulders.

_"I have fun with you."_ He said, _"When I'm kicking your ass during sparring, and when you drag me around town at night."_

Kai smiled against his head, her strokes through his hair turning into the mindless drawing of swirls and shapes on his scalp. She was enjoying listening to him whisper sweet nothings to her while they floated around the pond. Zuko kept his eyes cracked open while speaking to her, taking in every inch of her that he could see. He'd zeroed in on the small droplets of water that hadn't yet been evaporated by the intense heat that still surrounded them despite the sun dipping lower in the sky. One in particular he followed all the way down her neck, it'd dripped from her hair and left a trail behind it as it rolled over her chest, falling between her breasts underneath her binder.

_"I have fun when we do yoga and then I get to listen to you talk about the stars at the end."_ He continued, still mesmerized by those drops of water. The parched feeling in his mouth still lingered, and nothing in his life had ever looked more thirst quenching.

Kai scoffed from her position slightly above him, _"You just like watching me bend over during Downward Dog."_ She felt his nose nuzzle against the spot where her shoulder met her neck first. Then his steady, warm breath against her skin as his lips turned up at the corners. Zuko wasn't denying it this time.

_"That too._ " He mumbled.

Zuko succumbed to his thirst. He brushed his lips against the soft skin on her throat and tasted the water that'd pooled there. He needed more. Every atom that formed his very being craved it. He kissed her again, for longer this time. Suckling her skin until he could feel the heat of blood threatening to leave evidence of where he'd been. Kai pressed her torso more firmly against his own and the abstract drawings she'd tracing against his scalp halted along with her breathing. Her heartbeat thumped like a drum against her chest.

Zuko pulled his lips off of neck for just a moment. Long enough to whisper against her, _"Do you like that?"_

She nodded her head, afraid to speak out of fear that her voice would tremble and betray her. Her grip around his shoulders having gone weak when his tightened around her waist.

_"Tell me then."_ He said, his voice darker now. Gravely, almost. Like it had been the first time they met. Zuko lifted his head off of her shoulder and brought his face in front of hers, her position on his lap causing her chin to fall just about where his mouth was. Kai could see that his "honey, freshly scraped from the comb" eyes were now clouded with desire.

_"Why are you so shy now? Just tell me what you like."_ He said it like it was a dare. Like giving in to his new assertive streak was some sort of trick. And if it was, Kai was falling for it. Her lips parted and it took a moment for them to form actual words. When she did speak, it came out just as clouded-with-desire as his eyes looked, _"I like when you kiss me.. when you kiss my neck."_

Zuko didn't ask for anything more. His lips met her jaw and trailed butterfly kisses down her throat until he got to the spot he was before. He kissed her there again, grazing his teeth against her skin and nibbling until he heard a breathy moan escape her lungs. Kai could feel him stiffening against her and her own core growing hot. She tightened her legs around his waist as his lips abandoned their post on her neck.

Their mouths met each other without skipping a beat. They kissed slowly and passionately with tongues meeting in the middle and dancing in perfect unison. Kai let Zuko's hands explore her exposed skin. He traced her spine and gripped her hips, forcing her down further on his lap until more soft moans spilled into his mouth, which he eagerly drank up.

Zuko's traced the edge of her underwear. He tested the waters, dipping his fingers just below the waistband and gently scraping his nails over her ass, then pausing as if to ask, "Is this okay?". Kai caught his bottom lip between her teeth and bit him gently in response. He pushed his fingers further down her body, kneading and pawing at the ass that he'd tried so hard not to stare at since spring. The shorts slipped easily over her curves and she knew where Zuko was ultimately headed, and fuck, if she didn't want exactly the same.. she was already using every ounce of restraint left in her to not slip her hand between their bodies and beneath the waistband of his loose shorts.

_"Not here."_ She managed to mumbled between hasty kisses.

The sun was hanging low on the horizon and she feared that they'd be caught by patrons looking for a nice place to watch the sunset.

_"Where."_ It wasn't a question. Zuko was demanding she tell him where he needed to take her, immediately. Kai could've said the North Pole and in that moment, he would've made it happen. Still, he pulled his face just far enough away from hers to make sure that this was really happening. That what he thought was about to happen was really about to happen. And what he saw was this exquisite creature still sitting against his aching lap. Her chest heaving and cheeks red, lips kissed just as raw as his own.

_"Your place."_

* * *

  
Kai and Zuko raced to the top of the cliff, pulling on only enough clothes needed to make it through the upper ring without getting stopped by Dai Li agents. Anything else they slung over their shoulders with hopes that nothing would fall off as they sprinted back home. Sparingly, Zuko stopped running all together. He masked his desire to simply taste her lips against his own as needing to catch his breath.

When they got back to the apartment, Zuko knew that it would be empty. Iroh was busy at the soft opening of The Jasmine Dragon but he still flung the door open in a hurry and immediately yelled out, _"Uncle!"_ to which he got no response.

Zuko thanked the spirits for finally being on his side and pulled Kai by the hand through the door, slamming it closed behind her. His lips were back on hers before they could even drop their belongings to the floor.

His hands roamed down her body again, over her ass as he lifted her up and put her back in position against his lap. Kai held in a girlish squeal but smiled as she tasted his tongue, secretly enjoying the way he carried her through the apartment. Her back met the wall to the right of his bedroom door.

She barely got out the words, _"What are you waiting for?"_ before Zuko pressed his stiff cock hard against her core. Her words trailed off into into a sharp exhale as he grinded against her through their pants. Her fingers found their way into his hair, gripping a whole handful.

The door was right there. It was so close that she could feel the draft from the open windows in his bedroom. All he needed to do was push the door open and carry her inside.

_"What do you want?"_ He asked with his teeth grazing the flesh of her upper breasts.

She didn't hesitate this time. _"Take me to your room."_ slipped out of her lips, but that wasn't what he was looking for. Zuko tilted his hips up, pressing firmly against clit and feeling the heat radiating off of her.

_"What. Do you want me. To do to you."_ He growled.

Blush filled Kai's cheeks. A mixture of embarrassment and absolute madness. But she was set on having him. She pushed the pride of never having begged for a man's attention before aside and mustered up the courage to lean her face down to his ear and whispered, _"I want you to fuck me, Zuko."_

He pushed open the door with his foot and kicked it shut behind him, laying her down gently on the bed beneath him. The room was just bright enough for them to still be able to see each other, but dark enough to give them cover from anyone taking a late evening stroll just outside the window.

She noticed his hands soften against her body. Zuko didn't squeeze her waist and claw at her ass like he had in the pond, or even just outside the door. He kissed the top of her breasts more gently now, inching his way underneath the bottom of her binder until she could feel his calloused fingers against her sensitive left nipple. Kai lifted up on her elbows, allowing him to pull it over her head and drop it off the side of the bed. She felt his mouth on her breast, and then his teeth bare down around her nipple.

Her fingers trailed down his stomach, taking a brief moment to play with the scruff of hair just below his naval. She pulled the knot of his pants loose and hooked her thumb under both his pants and underwear, pushing them down his hips. Zuko stopped nibbling at her nipple for long enough to kick the remainder of his clothes to the floor, but stopped everything all together when he felt her warm grip around him. Kai slid her palm around his cock, massaging him while he kissed her chest. Curse words escaped in whispers out of his lips and she'd never heard anything more beautiful. Her hand seemed to fit perfectly around him, just as perfectly as their lips and bodies melted into each other. Zuko was ready to have all of her.

He sat up on his knees between her thighs and traced his hands down her hips, pulling her pants and underwear down her legs.

He rested for a moment between her open legs, just taking her in. Running his fingers through the hair below her waist and allowing his thumb to brush over her clit. She breathed in sharp, though it didn't hurt. His eyes snapped up to hers. She had one arm thrown over her head, tucked deep beneath his pillow. The other rested on top of her stomach. Even in the darkness her eyes seemed to glow, drawing him in. Zuko pushed her legs up around his waist as he laid down on top of her, holding the base of his cock as he slid it just between her sleek lips.

_"Fuck.."_ He groaned, meaning to say more but he was cut off by her lips meeting his. Zuko slipped deeper inside of her, pulled out, and then made it all the way to the hilt.

Kai's free hand found its way back around his shoulders as he held himself up above her. He pulled back again and crashed down. Filling her to the brim and sending electrifying shock waves all over her body. She couldn't stifle her moans anymore, and it seemed as if Zuko didn't want her to anyways. She'd try to hold them in only to have him fuck her harder. It was when she let her noises flow freely that he worked himself into a steady rhythm of pushing his cock all the way inside of her, dragging his mound of hair across her clit, and then pulling out before crashing back into her again.

Zuko pushed one of his hands underneath the pillow and slid his fingers between hers, squeezing her hand tight as he buried his face against the crook of her neck. She heard his heavy breathing and it pulled her closer to the edge. Every time he thrust inside her, she could feel herself inching closer and closer. Zuko noticed her thighs beginning to tremble below him, he'd been holding off on climaxing since just after he slipped inside of her. He didn't want to cum, not yet, not before her.

He let go of her hand and slipped his fingers between their bodies, dragging them gently across her clit. Another round of moans escaped her mouth along with the words "don't stop" and "so close". Zuko felt her breasts heaving against his chest. Her nails dug into his shoulder blade and her inner walls tightened around him. He pulled out one last time and pushed back in, holding himself there and grinding against her core.

A wave of intense pleasure rolled over her. She spewed moans and profanities so sweet, they were like music to Zuko's ears. He rode her through the wave, crashing into her over and over again. Kai pulled her hand out from under the pillow, digging her nails into his ass in an attempt to have him deeper inside of her until her legs finally loosened their grip around him. Zuko reluctantly allowed himself to let go. He pulled out of her at the last second and watched a warm coating of cum land on her stomach and chest.

Zuko sat up to catch his breath, realizing that the sun had finally disappeared. He rested between her legs in complete darkness with only the sound of their labored breathing cutting through the quiet night. Sweat coated every inch of his body and dripped down the nape of his neck. He leaned over where he knew she laid, even though he couldn't see her, and lit the tall candle on his nightstand with an organic flame grown from the tip of his finger.

The dim light caused her equally as sweaty body to shimmer against the shadows. He didn't speak, he just sized up the damage he'd done. Her neck was lined with crimson colored bruises that would be hard to hide. And the cum that he'd just spilled onto her would dry soon enough. Zuko slipped out from between her legs and down the hall. Kai heard the ringing out of water against a porcelain sink before he reemerged with a wet towel and a glass of water. She held out her hand for the towel but was only given the glass.

_"Let me."_ He said, voice back to being soft. The hand towel met her skin and he cleaned up his mess, taking care to get every drop off of her, before cleaning himself up as well. Kai gulped down half of the glass and handed him the rest, he did the same.

Zuko grabbed a sheet from the closet and draped it over her still naked body, motioning for her to make room for him. Which she did. There had been a sudden shift in atmosphere in the moment before they climaxed. Before now, Zuko had just been someone that Kai felt intensely attracted to. She liked him as well, she enjoyed spending time with him. But now she felt such an extreme connection to him, it was like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

Zuko felt it, too. He'd known that he wanted to fuck her the second he saw her slipping off her robe from the barn loft. He liked listening to her speak. And over the weeks he'd genuinely began anticipating her arrival, secretly hoping for it every day. But in the moments between the front door of his apartment opening and her orgasm, he almost felt as if he cared more about her satisfaction than his own.

He slipped underneath the sheet with her and pushed his arm behind her, allowing her to turn onto her side and rest her body against his. It was Kai that broke the silence first.

_"I wasn't expecting this part, if I'm being honest."_ Her words hit his chest that her head lay against. His heart still thumped against his rib cage.

_"What part?"_ He asked. Zuko had half expected to grow tired of her voice by this point, that's what'd happened with the few other girls he'd taken to bed. But no, he still felt his limbs tingle with every syllable that she spoke.

"Cuddling." She said bluntly, _"I didn't take you for a cuddler. And.. after care."_

_"It was my mess. I should be the one to clean it up."_ Zuko responded in a very matter-of-fact manner. He reached toward the flame on his nightstand, dimming it just a tad and moving to pull his other arm out from around her shoulders, _"And we don't have to cuddle if you don't want t--"_

Kai tightened her arm around his waist, refusing to let him move any further away from her in his one person bed, _"No, no! I like it. I just didn't expect you to like it."_

A chuckle died in his chest before she could hear it aloud, but she still knew it existed. He draped his arm over her shoulders and her knee curled up over his thigh. Their bodies seemingly made for each other.

_"If I didn't make it clear enough earlier, I like **you** , Kai."_

She bit hard into her lower lip, trying to keep her smile and emotions to herself, _"Now you're just trying to get me to stay."_

_"You're already staying."_ Zuko replied after hearing the threat of unconsciousness lacing her whisper, _"You can leave as early as you want, but you have to get a few hours of sleep."_

Kai didn't fight his argument. Her legs were probably too sore now anyways to even carry her back to her own apartment, let alone The Great Divide. Sleep was threatening to grip her by the throat and drag her under, it was almost all she wanted, besides for this evening to never end.

_"And you're wrong. I do like you, a lot. I like the way your stupid voice says my name and that you're not scared of fucking anything. I like that you actually enjoy life and never winced when you saw my face --"_

She cut him off, looking up at him with her chin resting on his naked chest through the dim light, _"I'm fond of your face, I told you that when we were drunk on the ferry."_

_"I know, and I like your face, too. And your hips, and your feet that are always filthy because you hate wearing shoes."_ She started to cut him off again but he already knew what she was going to say, _"It's an earth bender thing, I know, but I still like it. My point is that I'm telling the truth when I say that I like you."_

Kai kissed his chest and tasted the salt from his dried sweat. His gravelly voice lulling her gently to sleep.

_"You're going to be here when I wake up, right?"_ She heard him ask as he vision started to blur. She nodded her head in response and Zuko heard her mumble, _"Mhm, I think so."_

She was out. Zuko laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling and counting her steady heartbeats for the next half hour, wondering how in the fuck he was going to make it the next week not knowing if she was okay. Not knowing if she was alive. He felt his eyes start to get heavy and decided that he'd just have to get over it, there was no other choice.

He snuffed out the flame and pulled the sheet over her shoulders, tucking his nose into her hair and breathing her in until sleep ultimately swept him away, too.

* * *

Iroh got home late in the night after a busy soft opening at The Jasmine Dragon. Things had gone down perfectly. He had a packed house all evening and had almost considered paying a patron to find Zuko and have him come help him. But no, he didn't want to ruin a date for his nephew. 

He pushed open the door to his apartment and let out an exhausted sigh, finally shutting his eyes for a moment. He dragged his legs across the floor, fully intent on crashing face first onto his bed and sleeping until the sparrowkeets woke him up at early dawn. But that dream was shaken out of him by his legs getting tangled up beneath him. His ankles confused as something wrapped around them.

Iroh's old body almost hit the ground before he finally steadied himself, seeing that the culprit was a heap of clothes on the floor. Zuko's button up top, Kai's blouse, both of their shoes and her blades. His eyes darted for his nephew's door, which was shut tight and if he had to guess, locked.

He tapped on the wood that guarded Zuko's room with the back of his knuckle, but nothing stirred on the other side. So he tried again, a little harder this time. Finally, the creaking of a mattress and soft footsteps.

Zuko opened the door just far enough for Iroh to see his face, still half asleep and rubbing goop out of his eyes.

_"It's late, Uncle!"_ Zuko whispered. Though, if no one was behind him, he had no reason to whisper.

_"I know! I wanted to tell you about the soft opening of The Jasmine Dragon!"_ Iroh responded, purposefully allowed his voice to boom throughout the apartment. Zuko shushed him and glanced quickly over his shoulder.

Iroh cocked a grey eyebrow and sized up his nephew, casting his voice down this time, _"Is someone there that I should know about, Prince Zuko?"_

Zuko huffed and head butted the door frame, too tired to make up a lie, _"Yes, it's Kai. We can argue about it in the morning. Now, what is so important that you needed to wake me up at this hour?"_

There would be no arguing in the morning, Iroh knew that. Maybe a stern lecture about using protection, but no arguing. He stepped away from the door, _"It went spectacularly. We're all set for our grand opening tomorrow."_

A sleepy smile spread across his nephew's face. He was glad that the both of them ended up having enjoyable evenings.

_"I'm happy for you, Uncle."_

_"You as well."_

Zuko shut the door behind him, staring through the midnight darkness at the perfect creature that still lay sound asleep in his bed. He crawled in behind her gently, wrapping his arms around her and contorting his body to fit against her back. She nuzzled back against him and, in her sleep, mumbled, _"I like you too, you know."_


	19. Snuff You Out Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows Season 2 episode 20 very closely. There’s quite a bit of jumping around and many scenes that you will not understand if you haven’t seen that episode, so I apologize in advance

Zuko woke up to the sound of sparrowkeets chirping outside of his window and the soft morning sun shining on his face. The sheet he'd draped over the two of them the night before bunched up around his midsection. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up, allowing his vision to focus.

Kai sat leaned over her lap at the end of his bed. Her bare back, spotted with scars and unbraided hair flowing down it, was turned to him. Her face rested in her hands as she tried her best to fully wake up. Zuko placed a gentle hand on her hip.

_"I woke up late."_ She said, voice cracking from a dry throat.

_"I see that."_ He responded. Zuko didn't want to admit that he was secretly happy she'd overslept. But it was nice having someone to wake up to. Or maybe it was just nice waking up to her.

_"Iroh's been rooting around in the kitchen for the past five minutes. I'll get dressed and slip out the window as soon as my brain catches up with my body."_

Scattered memories of Iroh coming home late in the night resurfaced in Zuko's mind, as well as the realization that he hadn't even tried to deny who he'd invited into his room for the evening.

_"About that.."_ Zuko said as he lifted himself off the bed and pulled on a fresh pair of underwear, _"He came home late last night and, well, long story short.. he knows you're here."_

Kai threw her body back on the bed in frustrated embarrassment, effectively giving Zuko a nice, long look at her disrobed chest and torso. She looked different now in the hazy morning light, rather than the harsh dimness that a small flame provided. She looked softer, like an airbrushed afterglow was dusting her skin.

_"Lovely.."_

Zuko started to dress for his first day at The Jasmine Dragon and Kai did the same, borrowing a pair of his trousers until she could get home for a clean pair of her own. When they reluctantly opened the bedroom door that somehow hid all of their secrets, Iroh's gaze met the two of them almost instantly. He was wide awake and ready to go.

_"Good morning, you two!"_ He boasted, much too loud for the couple's still disoriented senses. Zuko winced and gathered up the heap of clothes and shoes they'd left in the living room floor the night before, handing Kai her blade straps.

_"You know, back in my day, this is what we called the 'walk of shame'."_ Iroh teased.

Zuko growled out the word, _"Uncle!"_ but was reeled in quickly by his date.

_"It's fine, Zuko."_ She reassured him and took a seat at the dining room table facing the old man, _"So, big day. Are you ready for the grand opening of The Jasmine Dragon?"_

Iroh's eyes lit up, he was just reaching for his shoe horn to help him finish off his crisp, new uniform. Kai spied two folded up robes on top of the table, in the center of them was a beautiful white lotus emblem.

_"I have been dreaming of this day for as long as I can remember."_ He replied with prideful tears welling up in his eyes, _"When do you plan to leave on your journey, dear? Might you have time to join us at the tea shop for a breakfast blend?"_

Just the mention of caffeine had her mind perking up. Still, she took care to look across the room at Zuko for approval. Maybe he didn't want her joining them on their first day. Maybe he needed space after having her glued to his lap for hours on end the day before.

Zuko noticed her begging for an answer with his eyes and pulled himself off the couch, _"His breakfast blend is a good pick-me-up."_ He said. Anything to get her to stay for just a little while longer, _"And it won't take you long to make it to the Serpent's Pass. You wanted to cross it at night, right?"_

She was pleasantly surprised at how well he actually seemed to listen to her. And he was right. It wasn't even ten in the morning and would only take her a few hours max to reach the pass on foot, even less if she rode an earth wave there. Kai pulled her top over her binder and tied it at the waist, sealing her plans.

_"Let's get going then. There's probably already a mob of eager guests lining up outside the door."_

* * *

  
Kai sat at the polished high bar in The Jasmine Dragon, sipping on the delicious breakfast blend of tea and nibbling on an orange scone. The daily newspaper had been delivered to the front step of the shop and Iroh allowed her first dibs on it. Not that she cared much for whatever biased news the Earth Kingdom printed in their press, but she had time to kill. What better way than to play local?

Iroh and Zuko had their hands full, to say the least. Kai'd only been kidding when she joked about a line forming outside of the tea shop, but it turns out she was right. There were over a dozen guests already waiting to taste the best tea in the Earth Kingdom. That's what the chatter on the block had been, anyways. Iroh brewed while Zuko served and took orders.

It was a nice look, Kai thought, seeing Zuko working a civilian job. She by no means could ever see herself being "domesticated", nor could she see that for him, but the experience alone would humble him in the long run. Zuko took care to check on her every now and then, probably more than he did the other customers. She always nodded and said she was fine, that she didn't need anything. The few refills she did want she rounded the counter and got herself, throwing words of encouragement over Iroh's shoulder as he specially mixed and ground herbs.

She sat there for probably two hours before she figured it was time for her to go. Zuko had just closed the register after cashing out another patron when she raised her finger, grabbing his attention.

_"How much do I owe you, stranger?"_ She asked, resting her chin in her palm much like she used to at Pao's Family Tea House.

Zuko pressed a button on the register and it dinged, the drawer opened and he quickly pushed it back shut, _"Consider it on the house."_

_"I'll figure out a way to make it up to you when I get back._ " She smiled and slipped off of the bar stool, _"Got a minute to walk me out?"_

He didn't. They had a packed house and tables to be bussed, but he wasn't going to let her sneak away without a proper goodbye. Zuko pulled his apron over his head and tossed it on the counter, placing his hand on the small of her back as they navigated through the chairs and tables toward the front of the house.

At the entrance to the tea shop stood a long, almost wrap around porch. The line was directed to the right while Kai and Zuko walked down the steps and to the left.

_"How long do you plan on being gone?"_ Zuko asked, already knowing that it was longer than he cared to be away from her.

Kai shrugged and folded her arms across her chest, the reality that she would be facing her father again soon was setting in, _"A week at the most. Hopefully. Shorter if dad spills his guts quickly, longer if I have to spill them for him."_

Zuko winced at the thought of going up against his own father again. It wasn't something he'd ever wanted to experience as a child and he certainly wasn't one to go seeking it out now. But he thought of her as brave. Braver than himself, anyways. Kai could see the worry hardening his features. It showed in the way his eyes refused to meet hers and how his jaw stiffened.

_"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."_ She reassured and reached her finger out to hook the loop of his trousers, pulling his hip closer to hers. Kai slipped her hands around his torso and Zuko's arm naturally fell around her shoulder, one hand lifting up to cup her chin.

_"I had a good time with you yesterday.. and last night."_ She said, casting her voice down so that only he could hear her. It was the first that either of them had mentioned their night in together. Zuko felt a tingling deep below his waist as he thought back to his earth-trembling finish and watching her come undone around him.

Finally, his concerned scowl faltered. His lips turned up into a smile as they moved closer to hers and he kissed her gently, _"So did I."_ He kissed her again and again, until he had to force himself away out of fear of getting caught up. Zuko's arms tightened around her shoulders as he pulled her into a tight, rib crushing hug goodbye, _"Be safe. Send a messenger hawk if you need anything."_

Kai'd never even heard of such a thing. But unlike her childish toying with Sokka, she promised Zuko that she'd be careful and relished in a final kiss before he watched her walk away. Kai followed the paved path away from the tea shop, noticing after a moment what looked to be Momo flying over head toward the palace.

* * *

  
Katara had spent the evening at the strategy meeting with General How and the Council of Five. She didn't object when How had mentioned using General Fong's base as a launching point for their attack on The Day of Black Sun, but she'd been searching for Kai ever since to warn her that maybe executing her father before the attack wasn't the best idea. 

_"What do you say, Momo? We've been searching for Kai all day, I think I could go for a cup of tea."_

She spoke to the lemur as they stood on the path to a bustling new tea shop. Momo seemed to be up for the plan, so she strolled closer. The line outside looked long, though it was moving quickly. 

As she got closer to the building she noticed a seemingly loving couple standing in front of the grand porch. Katara "awwwed" at them for a moment, imagining the day when that kind of thing would happen for her. The couple pulled away from the hug they'd been embraced in and kissed, then stepped away from each other.

That was when Katara's breath caught in her throat. She could clearly see the familiar scar on the right side of the boy's face. And the girl that'd just been wrapped in his arms had a long, thick braid and blades strapped to her back. Blades that she'd watched Kai sharpen and shine even when they weren't dull.

Her legs moved faster than Momo could hang on. He flew overhead, following her as she raced back toward the palace. Katara pushed through the doors and, instead of seeing King Keui sitting upon his throne, Suki and two other Kyoshi warriors stood on the royal podium.

_"Thank goodness you're here, Suki. Something terrible is going on!"_ She yelled, her hands resting on her knees as she caught her breath, _"The Fire Nation has infiltrated the city, I just saw Prince Zuko at a tea shop with --"_

Katara suddenly remembered who she saw Zuko kissing and rage caused her blood to boil beneath her skin. Kai'd made it seem like she told them the truth about everything. Like there were no more secrets between them and that was how it would be from then on out. But the way they held each other, Katara knew that they'd known one another for some time. Maybe even for longer than she'd known the girl herself.

_"He was with Kai. I think she's been helping Zuko and his uncle spy on us."_

Azula's eyes got wide, she hadn't anticipated getting the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. She turned on her heel to face the water bender, _"Oh, don't worry. I'll be sure to let the King know."_

Katara noticed the golden colored eyes hidden behind traditional Kyoshi warrior makeup and knew in an instant that this was not Suki. These were not real Kyoshi warriors. And she was in a world of trouble. She prepared to attack, but Ty Lee was much swifter on her feet. She lunged forward and with the gentlest jab of two fingers, Katara's chi was effectively blocked, sending her falling to the ground paralyzed.

Azula and Mai joined Ty Lee around Katara's fallen body, looking down on the girl.

_"So, ZuZu's in the city, too.."_ Azula said, mostly to herself. But that wasn't the excerpt from Katara's speech that had caught Mai's attention.

Mai stood with her arms crossed, a steady tinge of jealousy growing inside of her. She used everything in her to not sound as concerned as she really was, _"And he's hanging around with someone named.. Kai? Is that a boy's name or a girl's?"_

_"Your relationship problems are the least of our worries_ , Mai." Azula rolled her eyes and continued back up to the pedestal, _"I think it's time for a little family reunion."_

* * *

Hours had passed since Kai left, but The Jasmine Dragon was so packed that it barely felt like half an hour to Zuko and Iroh. The lines finally started to dwindle down as people were headed home to begin getting ready for dinner. It was almost three in the afternoon, after all. 

Iroh was sweeping the dining room when a royal messenger entered through the double doors. He handed the old man a gold embellished scroll, _"A message from the Royal Palace, sir."_

Zuko listened diligently as he counted the money in the register. Iroh's eyes grew wide with disbelief, he read the characters on the scroll over and over again. His lips curved into a wide smile as his body filled with excitement, _"I can't.. I can't believe it!"_

_"What is it, Uncle?"_ Zuko asked, rounding the corner of the counter.

_"Great news!"_ He shouted, _"We've been invited to serve afternoon tea to the Earth King!"_

Zuko smiled and took the straw broom from Iroh, knowing that he'd be too taken over by joy to continue the tedious task.

_"The King requests your service this evening, in the next hour or so. But he understands if you cannot make it considering today was your grand opening."_ The messenger said. But Iroh was having none of that. He walked straight to the door and flipped the "open" sign to the "closed" side.

_"Nonsense. We will be there within the hour!"_

* * *

Kai had long traveled back to her shared apartment while Katara was being dragged to the Crystal Catacombs. She took a long, hot shower while Iroh and Zuko fought off and lost to Azula and the Dai Li that were now conspiring against Long Feng. And Momo crawled into bed with her as she caught up on sleep that would be long missed in the coming days, all while Toph escaped from being held captive and was scooped up by Aang, Sokka and Appa. 

The three of them confronted King Kuei, who ignorantly reassured them Katara was fine. He told them that she met with the Council of Five and has been off with the Kyoshi warriors ever since. Which, to him, wasn't a lie. But in reality, it was the furthest thing from the truth.

_"See, Aang? She's with Suki. They're probably back at our apartment right now talking about makeup or something."_ Sokka said, his heart thumping at the thought of being reunited with Suki.

_"Okay, maybe you're right.."_ Aang replied. Though something still didn't sit right with him, _"We should go back to the apartment though, just to be sure."_

They traveled back to their apartment, hoping to see exactly what Sokka had predicted. Nothing immediately greeted them as they walked through the living room, but it was the slamming of the front door that ultimately stirred Kai from her slumber. She lazily walked out into the sitting room with Momo perched high up on her shoulder.

_"I know for a fact it hasn't been a week. What are you guys doing back so early?"_ She asked as she rubbed her eyes until they focused.

_"Kai, has Katara or Suki been by here? Aang has some loony idea that she's in all kinds of trouble or something."_ Sokka asked. He was ready to put an end to this once and for all.

_"Nope, I haven't seen Katara since she left for the strategy meeting yesterday afternoon. Have you checked at the palace?"_

_"The King said she was last seen with the Kyoshi warriors."_ Toph said, suddenly realizing that Kai hadn't left the confines of Ba Sing Se at all, _"Wait, why are you still here? Shouldn't you be halfway to the Great Divide by now?"_

_"I wouldn't have made it very far without catching up on sleep. I'm leaving soon, at sunset."_

_"No one's going ANYWHERE until we find Katara!"_ Aang interrupted. Both fear and a sense of urgency clouding his judgement, _"I **knew** she was in trouble!"_

Kai retreated back into her bedroom to pull on some proper clothing while the rest of the gang remained in the sitting area, speculating what could've happened to their friend.

_"Wait, someone's at the door."_ Toph said as she got glimpses of the figure just before he knocked. She was familiar with him, though it'd been awhile since they met, _"Actually, I know who it is! It's an old friend of mine."_

She pulled the door open and Toph met Iroh with a welcoming smile, while Sokka and Aang's jaws dropped with surprise. Iroh stood in the door frame, eyes cast down and palms tucked behind his back so they wouldn't think he was going to make any sudden moves.

_"I need your help.."_

When Kai reemerged from her room she was just as shocked as the two boys. She almost turned right back around and considered sneaking out of a low window, like she wanted to this morning before her "walk of shame". But Iroh's eyes locked with hers before she could make an unnoticed run for it. This was the second time in forty-eight hours that her two lives overlapped with each other.

Kai mumbled a vulgarity under her breath, giving away her position behind the three friends, _"Fuck..."_

Sokka and Aang turned their heads sharply toward Kai, their eyes darting back and forth between the other three people in the room.

_"Hold up."_ Sokka said, _"You three know each other??"_

_"I met him in the woods once and knocked him down. Then he gave me some tea and some very good advice."_ Toph said. She hadn't even known who she'd been enjoying afternoon tea with, let alone that he was once the most feared general in the Fire Nation military.

_"He knows my trainer back home."_ Kai responded, still not revealing the whole truth. But her final secret was begging for air, itching to crawl out of her pocket.

Iroh asked for permission to enter their apartment and let himself in when Toph nodded at him, _"Princess Azula is here in Ba Sing Se."_

There was no doubt about it. Aang knew that Azula had Katara and he voiced his opinion aloud.

_"She has captured my nephew as well."_ Iroh said.

_"Azula has Zuko??"_ Kai cursed herself for not seeing this coming, for fuck's sake. They'd just gone toe to toe with the girl a few weeks ago, of course she'd still be trying to make entry to the city!

Sokka's head snapped toward Kai. His mind flooded with memories of them dancing around the apartment late at night, her reminiscing about what a lovely evening she'd had. About how she'd gone on a date and kissed ale off of some boy's lips until a Dai Li agent reminded them that it was well past curfew. Puzzle pieces fell into place for Toph as well. The man in the hay loft. The same one that she'd been sneaking around to see when they weren't searching for Appa and she wasn't looking for her mother. The truth was crashing down around them.

_"How do you know Zuko, Kai?"_ Sokka demanded. He gripped the boomerang by his side. It was dull but deadly in the hands of someone angry enough, _"The truth this time. The whole truth."_

Her eyes darted to each of her friends and Iroh, mind searching for a hole in the web of lies she'd weaved. Kai stammered, _"I.. I just.."_ There was no use. It was over. A sigh fell heavily out of her chest and she looked down at her feet, _"I met him a few months ago. Before I knew who he was, and before I found you guys."_

Sokka dropped his boomerang to the ground and marched toward the girl, his palms met her shoulders and he shook her, _"You've been SEEING the prince of the Fire Nation?! You've been DATING the person that's hunted us like rabbits for the past year??"_ Hot, angry spittle flew from his viscous tongue as he yelled into her face.

Kai and Sokka had become genuine friends over the past few weeks. Almost as good of pals as she was with Toph. The betrayal he was facing now weighed on him like a ton of bricks.

_"We went on ONE date, Sokka! And I didn't know that he'd been following you guys until way after I joined the gang!"_

_"YOU HAVE FUCKING HICKIES ALL OVER YOUR NECK, KAI!"_ Sokka screamed before dropping his hands from her shoulders, arms going slack at his sides. It seemed as if all the anger he had to offer was spent in that one shouting of damning evidence. The next time he spoke, his voice was only a disappointed shadow of what it'd been before, _"So pick another lie.."_

Kai's fingers lifted to the crook of her neck, her skin still tender where Zuko's teeth had been the night before. Sokka turned away from her and though Toph and Aang still wanted to have her back, they almost seemed to cower on the other side of the room. Neither of them had ever seen Sokka yell like that before.

_"He has good inside of him." She said, knowing that only her and I_ roh believed it.

_"Yeah, coming from the girl that was literally born to be a murderer."_ Sokka mumbled under his breath.

A spark ignited in Kai's chest. She knew what she was, and she didn't need someone who'd never been faced with the pressure of a prearranged destiny telling her a skewed version of it.

_"He's the one who freed Appa, asshole."_ She spat and rounded his body, taking a stand between Aang and Toph, _"If it wasn't for him we would've never made it into the Royal Palace in the first place."_

The admission was one that Aang believed in an instant. She'd told them that a friend had helped her sever Appa's restraints, it made sense now that a fire bender would be the only one to do so. And he already knew that Zuko had good inside of him. He'd seen it before with his very own eyes.

_"Katara's in trouble. All of Ba Sing Se is in trouble, Sokka."_ He said, looking up from his cowardice position, _"Working together is our best chance, we can talk about Kai's place in our gang later."_

And though Sokka hated it, though he would've liked to believe that he was their self proclaimed leader, he knew his place. Kai's betrayal of trust could be discussed once they had his sister back.

_"I brought someone along who might help us."_ Iroh said, reinserting himself into the conversation and motioning for the group to follow him outside.

There was a Dai Li agent hog tied on the front steps, one that was more than willing to tell them all about the Crystal Catacombs beneath the city's surface.

* * *

_  
"Why did they throw you in here?"_ Katara yelled across the cavern. Zuko sat on the ground facing away from her, _"Oh, wait, let me guess. It's a trap. So that when Aang shows up to help me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches!"_

He didn't respond to the girl's efforts at tantalizing him. Zuko remained cross legged on the ground, staring at his reflection in a crystal stalagmite. Defeat overshadowed his features.

_"You're a terrible person! You know that?! Always hunting us, following the avatar! Trying to capture the world's last hope for peace."_ She continued, _"And Kai.. she's been in on it this whole time, hasn't she?! I can't believe we trusted her!"_

_"No."_ Zuko mumbled, casting his eyes away from the mirror in front of him. He didn't want to think about Kai right now, not when he knew that he'd be dead long before she ever returned from The Great Divide, _"No, she hasn't. As far as I know, she's done everything in her power to protect you and your friends."_

Katara scoffed at the proclamation, _"Right. The Fire Lord's son and a born assassin, what a match made in heaven. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in both of your blood."_

The words dripped off of Katara's tongue like venom that she'd just been waiting to use. It seeped into Zuko's conscience and made his stomach churn. That wasn't him. He didn't want any of that. Not anymore, anyways. This war she spoke of had blessed him with everything he ever wanted, and then stripped it away in an instant. It'd knocked him on his ass and forced him to build a life for himself from the ground up. One that he actually enjoyed.

_"You don't know what you're talking about!"_ He snapped as the realization that that life was over hit him.

_"I don't?!"_ Katara almost laughed from disbelief, but disbelief quickly turned to rage, _"How dare you. You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me **personally**!"_ She fell to the ground clutching her necklace, the one thing that brought her both comfort and sadness simultaneously, _"The fire Nation took my mother away from me!"_

She sobbed to herself from across the room. Zuko's eyes grew wide as he thought of Ursa Major and Minor, and the way his own mother had fled with the cover of night. After the fever dream he'd had a few days ago, he knew her abandonment had something to do with his father. Ozai had done something to her.

_"I'm sorry."_ Zuko turned over his shoulder, _"That's something we have in common."_


	20. Snuff You Out Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter follows closely with the season 2 finale. It may have to be referenced in order for you to completely understand it.

The group split up into two teams when they got close to The Royal Palace. Toph and Sokka went to warn King Kuei about the coup while Aang, Iroh and Kai tunneled underground in search of Zuko and Katara.

Kai took on the responsibility of breaking up thick, hard stones that surrounded the catacombs while Aang airbended them out of their path. The tunnel she created reminded her heavily of the caverns in The Great Divide. She half expected a canyon crawler to come scurrying toward them at any moment, begging for a snack, a scratch between the nostrils and to be serenaded to sleep. 

The two males fell far behind her, she could sparsely hear Aang asking Iroh for advice and it gave her hope. Aang was open to forgiveness, he believed everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe even a third or fourth, she prayed.

Her hand touched the stone again and she knew this was the final wall. She could feel the vast openness behind it. Kai turned toward her two caving partners and waited for them to catch up.

_"What are you waiting for?"_ Aang asked when they made their way closer to her.

She had one last confession to offer the avatar. One that she was still coming to terms with herself.

_"There's something else, Aang. Something that I don't think Katara and Sokka will take very well."_

Aang cocked an eyebrow, _"What could be worse than them finding out you slept with the Fire Lord's son?"_ He asked, then turned to Iroh, _"No offense."_

_"None taken."_

It was worse, alright. Finding out the truth about her mother had shaken Kai to her very core. When Long Feng told her, she instantly questioned everything she'd ever known about herself. As well as what else her father had hidden from her. It made her feel like a different person entirely, and surely her friends would feel the same.

_"My mother is from the Fire Nation."_ She said. Kai noticed the slight flinch in Aang's fingers the moment it escaped her throat, and the nod of Iroh's head, _"That wasn't a secret or anything. Long Feng just told me yesterday, when I took him down to the jail cell. But I thought it was important that you know."_

She gave him a moment to process the information, but it was Iroh that ultimately spoke first, _"It makes sense, really."_

She looked at him with confusion and he continued, _"I know the saying is 'opposites attract', but that isn't true. You and Zuko come from very different walks of life, yet still ended up on the same path. I never really pictured my nephew falling for an earth bender, but now that I know you're half Fire Nation, it makes sense."_

Kai smiled at him and directed her attention back toward Aang, who was having trouble verbalizing his thoughts. She could see them swirling around behind those big blue eyes of his, he just wasn't sure how to express what he wanted to say.

_"Thank you for telling me, Kai."_ He said, first and foremost, _"But you're right. It's probably best that we don't tell Katara and Sokka until all of this is over."_

Her heart sank like a stone falling into the ocean. The deep, gluttonous ocean. But he was right, now wasn't the time to concern the siblings with irrelevant matters such as her bloodline.

She turned to the final slab of earth that blocked them from their other halves and gave it one solid jab. It fell to pieces around her, leaving the three of them coughing on debris. But when the dust settled, _spirits_ , was this place amazing. A cavern triple the size of their apartment sat before them. Crystals of all shapes and sizes hung from the ceilings and formed craters at their feet. In the middle of the room stood Zuko and Katara standing face to face.

Katara pulled her hand from Zuko's scar just in time to see Aang and the others. Zuko's eyes shot open and relief flooded his body. The two groups rushed toward each other, Zuko surpassing his uncle and pulling Kai into a heartfelt embrace.

_"What are you doing here?? I thought you'd be halfway to the Southern Earth Kingdom by now."_ He asked with her dust covered hair muffling his words.

_"We came to save you, dummy._ " She said. Zuko could verbally hear the smile on her face, even though it was hidden by his chest. He thought in that moment that the only good thing this war had produced was right here in front of him. But that thought was short lived when he heard Katara's voice shout, _"Aang!"_

He glared over Kai's shoulder to see the avatar giving him the same look. And the two conflicting sides of him were at war once again. Zuko pulled away from Kai, seemingly scolding her, _"Why did you bring the avatar here?!"_

Before Kai had the chance to respond, Aang did it for her. He spoke with just as much hostility as Zuko had given him, _"She already told you, I came to rescue you!"_

Zuko lunged at the avatar, who was still gripping Katara by the waist, but Kai blocked his path with her body. She realized now that, though Zuko was sweet to _her_ , he was still like two sides of a coin. He was still hot and cold, night and day. He was still the Fire Lord's son when the embers in his blood ran hot enough.

Iroh placed a hand on his nephew's shoulder, _"Zuko, it's time we talked."_ He locked eyes with Kai and then gazed over his shoulder at Katara and Aang, _"Go help your other friends. We'll catch up with you."_

Kai glanced up at Zuko, asking for permission to follow his uncle's orders like she had in their dining room this morning. And again, he nodded her off.

* * *

  
The three benders raced through the only tunnel leading out of the Crystal Catacombs. The geodes on either side of them almost mimicked a mirror maze in a merchant town fun house. 

_"We've got to find Toph and Sokka!"_ yelled Katara.

Suddenly, Kai could feel someone trailing behind them. Their footsteps were far too light to be Zuko or Iroh's, but whoever it was was gaining speed quickly. She felt them stop on a dime, giving her the opportunity to click her heel and get a reading of their body map.

Shots of lightning blue reverberations pulsed back toward her body and what she saw was literally blue lightning. Kai bended a wall of solid rock between them and knew in an instant who it was.

The sheer force of the strike knocked her back a few steps. It'd destroyed her wall, leaving a crumbling mess at her feet. Azula stood across the cavern from them, her fingers smoldering like a smoking gun. She sent another blast their way and Katara quickly summoned a wave of cave water to intercept it, leaving them all lost in a thick cloud of steam.

When the room cleared out, Azula was hanging from the crystal wall. She'd learned that trick from the Dai Li. Two more bolts of lightning shot from her fingers and then she lost her footing when Kai took advantage of the organic matter she'd seeked refuge in. The wall came tumbling down but Azula was swift. She somersaulted away from the crumbling wall and landed between Aang, Katara and Kai. Sharp fingers pointed in either direction, ready to both attack and defend herself.

A wall of flames erupted amidst the standoff and all of their eyes darted toward the corridor from which they'd come. Zuko stood there, his hands balled into fists at his sides as he looked back and forth between Kai and his sister.

Kai felt as if she was in a dream. Or maybe it was a nightmare. Her legs felt lighter and it was as if she knew how this battle was going to end before it ever even began.

Zuko shot a blast of fire toward Aang the same moment that Azula fired off another lightning bolt at Katara. Katara blocked the shot again, but just barely. Kai had to choose now between helping Katara survive and wrangling in Zuko once again.

Kai chose Katara without a second thought about it. Even when every ounce of her being was screaming at her to drag Zuko kicking and screaming back to his senses, she couldn't be the only thing making him choose good over evil. Kai sent a wave of earth hurdling Azula's way, knocking her off of her feet and across the room.

Azula scrambled up again and back into a fighting stance, if only briefly. Katara caught her wrist with a water whip, which was soon broken free by an even larger lasso of flames. Kai followed the flame back to it's master and her eyes fell on Zuko, who was paying her little attention. She realized then that still, even when they were fighting for different sides, the universe was playing it's part. Zuko wasn't choosing evil over good, he was choosing his biological ties. Zuko had chosen his sister. He'd chosen the Fire Nation. He'd chosen his throne. Just like how even though Kai had refused to kill for her father, she still chose to spare his life.

Azula smiled at her brother, a subtle thank you that she'd never offered him before. They switched opponents and Azula took off after Aang, who was crawling out from under a honeycomb of crystals. Aang was growing tired, Kai could tell.

Zuko sent another lasso of fire toward Katara, one that was easily avoidable. It was Katara's voice that snapped Kai out of her tunnel vision like thoughts.

_"I thought you'd changed!"_ Katara yelled as she dodged the flames.

_"I **have** changed!"_ He bellowed back, both arms now engulfed in heat.

Kai shook her head slowly as she drew her blades from over her shoulder. The slicing of metal that usually made her heart race with excitement now made her wince at the battle she was about to engage in. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, anticipating the next few moves that Zuko was about to make. And when she felt the slight stumble in his step, courtesy of Katara's water bending, she took off.

Kai darted toward her former sparring partner and sent one of her blades barreling straight for him. He dodged it by a hair and in doing so, his slight stumble turned into a full blown fall. Zuko caught himself on the heels of his hands and sprung back to his feet.

She knew that he wouldn't use his fire bending on her. It was unspoken but the only thing that she was still sure about. Her blade came back to her all on its own, thanks to the stone handles, and she returned both of them to their homes. Zuko avoided her first leg sweep but felt the wind forced out of his lungs as her fist met his ribs. Her real life punches weren't as forgiving as the ones she'd thrown him in the comfort of his living room.

_"What are you doing?!"_ Kai asked through gritted teeth.

He caught her by the wrist and she could feel his palm heating up against her skin. There was no questioning it. It wasn't cooling off. Her flesh was steadily beginning to cook beneath his grasp.

_"I have a destiny, Kai."_ Zuko responded. His voice pleaded for her to please understand, _"Surrender now and you can come with me.. Please."_

It was the final blow that she needed and the most painful one that he dealt. An elbow to his forearm freed her singed wrist, allowing her to take hold of his own and twist it behind his back. They went hand for hand, step for step in an aggressive dance for the upper hand. Katara turned her attention toward Aang, who was steadily losing to Azula.

When Kai finally got a free moment to observe her surroundings, she didn't see Aang at all. Azula and Katara were tied in a battle against fire and water and at the far end of the cavern was a brand new addition. A teepee of crystals. It glowed blue and it's top separated, out of it levitated the avatar. Kai had never witnessed him in the avatar state, but she knew that this was it. All of their eyes focused on him, his arrow and tattoos beaming bright blue rays of light.

And then he was shot out of the sky. His rays of hope extinguished in an instant and Aang's body went limp. Kai scarcely heard Katara scream, but her voice sounded far off.

Kai didn't feel her body move, but she knew that Azula being engulfed in a straight jacket of rock was her doing. Katara caught Aang's lifeless vessel as it fell from the sky.

_"Get him out of here!"_ Kai yelled, _"I'll catch up! You have to go, NOW!"_

Katara's watery eyes met hers only briefly, and she was scared of what they reflected. She obeyed Kai, dragging Aang to the waterfall in the center of the back of the room and lifted them with a water spout out of a tiny hole in the ceiling to the darkened sky above.

Rage. Pure, unfiltered rage seeped out of Kai's soul and filled her to the brim. So much rage that she felt it spilling over, pouring out of her orifices and into the real world. She pulled out her blades and still didn't feel that excitement that she had before this day. Only fury remained. She swung them at Zuko and he jumped back, narrowly avoiding being disemboweled. But she swung again. And again. And she was fast, much too fast for Zuko to attack. All he could do was play the defense, which he'd never been very good at.

Kai finally knocked him to his feet, and he would've attempted a hasty retreat, had it not been for the swords that were now pressed firmly against his throat. Zuko lay flat on his back, staring up at a sight that he never thought he'd have to see.

She stepped one leg over his defenseless body and kneeled, bringing her blades down harder on this throat. One move was all it would take for her to behead him. Zuko now saw what it was that had terrified Katara so deeply that she wouldn't dare disobey this girl. Her pale jade eyes flickered. A home grown flame threatened him from behind her irises. Zuko was afraid to even breath with the swords pressed so firmly against his skin.

_"I could end your life. Right here. Right now."_ She spat, _"I could've three years ago or at any point in the past few months, but I spared you. And now you've betrayed me. You **used** me."_

He wanted to shake his head so badly, but that would mean sawing at his own neck. He wanted to tell her no, no, that he hadn't used her. That everything he'd told her had been the truth. But this was what he was meant to do. This was who he was meant to be.

_"I'm sorry."_ Was all he could choke out. And she could feel that his apology was true.

Zuko saw a single, small tear slip from the corner of her eye. It steamed against her ice cold skin as it rolled down her cheek and hung off of her chin. She shook her head in disappointment. This was the end. He knew that this was when it would all fade to black, like it should've all those years ago. He shut his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch her when she ended his life.

But then he felt the pressure release from his throat. And he heard her resheath her blades to their home on her back. Kai stood up and stepped off of him as he opened his eyes, that flame inside of her still remained.

_"Go fulfill your destiny, Zuko."_ She whispered, holding her hand out to help him off of the ground. He stared at the nimble fingers that he'd grasped before orgasming, reluctantly taking them in his own.

Kai crushed his hand in her grasp, pulling him to his feet and meeting him chest to chest. The flame in her eyes doubled in size as she spoke, _"I'll make sure to fulfill mine, as well. And if you so much as **think** about trying to stand in my way —"_ Her grip tightened, _"— trust me when I say that I will not hesitate to snuff. you. out."_

The promise of death dripped off of her lips as she let him go. She backed away from him slowly, toward the waterfall that Katara and Aang had left out of. The moon that shined through the skylight shimmered off of her body for a moment, she stood there for long enough to see Iroh enter through the corridor. The old man instantly knew that this fight was over, he knew which side his nephew had chosen. Iroh cupped his hands like he had at the Pai Sho table and bowed toward the girl, she offered him the same respect before the ground below her shifted up. She was gone.

  


* * *

  
Kai emerged from the cave in just enough time to somersault off of her elevator of rock and catch a ride on Appa's back. The air that hung around her friends was dense and quiet, no one wanted to speak of what had just happened. She saw Katara with Aang draped over her shoulder like a newborn baby at the base of Appa's neck, the necklace containing water from the spirit oasis lay beside her, now empty.

_"The Earth Kingdom.. Has fallen."_

King Kuei's words sent a flush of anxiety through the earth bender. She stood to her feet and watched the kingdom grow smaller as they flew away from it. Pacing back and forth, guilt and shame eating away at her until her legs started to itch. Restless leg syndrome. Kai never got it when she was struggling to sleep, or when she was going through growth spurts as a child. She got it whenever she felt the need to run as far away as possible from where she stood in that very moment. But in that very moment, they were soaring over water as far as the eye could see.

_"This is all YOUR fault!_ " Katara's voice stung her like the tail end of a wasp. But it didn't matter, Kai was already telling herself the same thing in her own head.

_"If you hadn't been so STUPID! If you hadn't fallen like a lovesick little girl for his, his —"_ Katara secured Aang's unconscious body in Appa's fur and marched across the beast's back. Her hands balled into fists at her sides as she shouted, _"— his mind games, this would have never happened!"_

Dark, rumbling clouds began rolling into Kai's mind. It was made of the same black, sticky rage that had filled her when she pressed her swords against Zuko's throat. Like all the anger that'd flowed out of her heart had been evaporated by the flame in her eyes and now it was ready to rain back down on her and play the game all over again. She couldn't escape the negativity that consumed her.

_"Why aren't you saying anything?!"_ Katara shouted again. And when she was still met with no response, her hand gripped the girl's shoulder and forced her to turn around to answer for herself, _**"Say something!!"**_

Kai's expression was stoic. She felt devoid of everything but a sense of overwhelming self hatred. Her jaw was stiff and the flame that'd scared Katara into submission had long been hosed down by the tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks. Now she just looked empty, like a shell of the once playful girl that she was before today. Katara's arm went limp when she saw the look on her face.

_"He had you fooled, too."_ Was all she said before Katara began to regret her outburst. Though she didn't get the chance to redeem herself.

Kai turned away from her and kneeled before Toph, who was hanging onto the sleeve on Sokka's shirt. She brushed the hair out of her friend's hair even though it would never help her see her. Kai just wanted to see her beautiful face one last time.

_"I will try my best to find you again."_ She said to the only person that'd ever understood her completely.

Toph scrambled away from Sokka in an attempt to latch onto her. She couldn't see where Kai was though in the mess that was Appa's fur. It broke Kai's heart, watching her friend feel around for her like a blind puppy searching for it’s mother's warmth.

_"No, n-no! You can't leave us again, we're finally all back together and -- you just can't.."_ Toph stumbled over her words, the rough night winds making half of them unintelligible. She finally caught a snag on the tail of Kai's shirt, just as the girl was allowing herself to slip off the side of the bison face first.

_"No!"_ Toph screamed into the night. Sokka caught her by the arm and pulled her back to safety, thankful that she couldn't see what might've just been a suicide. Toph fell to her knees and allowed Sokka to blanket her with his arms.

He patted her back and shushed her cries, whispering to her, _"Shhh, it's okay. She'll be back, Toph. She always comes back for you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets really dark after this guys and I’m so excited for it.


	21. God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****TW - MURDER, CHILD ABUSE, RAPE*****

Time seemed to slow down as I fell toward the sea. The harsh night wind stung my eyes, blinding me from seeing the hungry waves that I was plummeting toward. I sucked in a deep breath of air before hitting the water head first. It felt like being punched in the face. The water was ice cold and remarkably strong. I'd planned to swim as deep as my lungs would allow anyways.. just for a moment of peace from my racing fucking thoughts, but now it was no longer my choice. The currant grabbed hold of me and didn't want to say goodbye.

I engaged with the water for a few moments, entertaining it by participating in it's deadly, seductive dance. Allowing the burning sensation in my chest to grow more overwhelming by the second. My lungs screamed for air, but my mind told them to shut the hell up. That I needed this moment of silence. The fire that burned inside of them was the only thing stopping me from feeling betrayed and heartbroken and incredibly, overwhelmingly angry. Eventually, the decision to inhale wasn't mine anymore either.

Salt water filled my lungs and stomach simultaneous to the ocean floor embracing me. It pushed me up toward the surface, coming to my rescue, like always. The air hitting my face felt just as painful as the uppercut from the water had, but with it came a retching stomach. I rolled onto my front and vomited until I had nothing left to give. Gutted from the inside out, and when I was finally able to wipe my mouth and stand to my feet, there was nothing surrounding me. Nothing for miles. The pillar of earth was just wide enough for me, myself and I, high enough to protect me from the waves below that whispered the promise of permanent sweet relief from all the pain I'd ever endured in my entire life.

When the burning in my chest subsided, all that was left was my thoughts. Those tantalizing memories of my time spent with a boy that knew all the right things to say, and the depressing realization that I — the greatest earth bender alive — was nothing more than a fucking idiot.

 _One foot in front of the other._ That's what I had to tell myself in order to get my shivering legs moving again. I'd lunged off of Appa's back somewhere in the middle of Full Moon Bay. East enough of The Serpent's Pass that I need not worry about slithering, slimy creatures that wanted to swallow me whole, but still much further north than The Great Divide. The gang no longer trusted me, and how could I blame them? I didn't even trust myself anymore. Not since I felt that hot, sticky darkness creep its way out of my soul. Something had changed inside of me then, I knew it. And to be of any use on The Day of Black Sun, to gain my friends' trust back, I needed answers. And I intended to get them this time.

More ocean floor met the soles of my feet as I stepped off the cliff. Every time I took a step, the earth caught me. My oldest friend. It secured my path until day break, when I finally reached the northern shore of the Western Earth Kingdom. It would be an even longer journey to the heart of The Great Divide, but I could ride an earth wave then. As for now, my legs were about as sturdy as jello. I'd ran nonstop through the night, having feared that if I slowed down my emotions would catch up with me. Like they were waiting for me in the shadows that I'd once called home. And feeling the agonizing, sharp pain growing more and more intense in my legs would always be less painful than the words that those emotions whispered into my ear.

I collapsed into the sand and felt the darkness crawling over me again. A different kind of darkness this time. The kind that lets you enjoy a free trial run of death for not nearly long enough. Sleep. She cradled me.

_Light surrounded me. It was all I'd ever known. Hues of reds and oranges, yellows and pinks. Lots of pinks. I was warm. In fact, I didn't even known what it felt like to have the constant bitter chill permanently lingering inside my bones._

_This was my home. This warm, vibrant playground. It was my jungle gym, my bed, my dinner table. It was my everything. It was where I was safe and where I was loved. It was where the woman on the outside spoke to me. Well, she sang more than she spoke. And she wasn't really on the outside, more like all around. I was her and she was me. Two peas in a pod._

_But she turned into a different person the day that the lights went out. I remember the first time it happened. It was still warm, but it was dark. Save one yellow light, but even it was dim. I thought that the woman had been replaced by a different woman completely. But that couldn't be. I could hear her all around me. Our heartbeats thumped in time._

_She spoke quietly and mumbled voices whispered back to her. Sometimes they cried. Sometimes they screamed. More often than not, they gurgled. A retching, painful gurgling. The gurgling always came at the end. And after that, I was fed._

_The meals after the gurgling weren't like the ones I usually had. They weren't the yummy rice or vegetables that made me feel strong and helped me grow to be big. They didn't fill me at all, actually. And I don't think They filled the woman outside either. They made her sick. And They made me scared. Like whatever she ate was living. They were breathing and They were bigger than me. Stronger, too. And They were angry. After that, I was all alone with Them most of the time. They hid in the shadows when the lights came on but when the lights went off, They became the shadows entirely. They surrounded me. They crawled into bed with me and turned my once warm home cold and terrifying._

_And then slowly, as the months passed, They disappeared. But somehow They were still there, always there. And They were still angry. And now I was more a part of Them than I was her._

I woke up convulsing, like something was crawling up my insides. Something with long, sharp nails and a mouth full of canines. I gripped at the sand and turned to my side, vomiting again.

More salt water. That was all. My stomach ached from ulcers and my lips were cracked from dehydration. The sun had darkened my skin a shade, it's burning sensation had failed to wake me from my nightmare. My weak knees somehow managed to carry my weight to the crest of a nearby hill where I could survey my surroundings. Just like in the middle of the water, there was nothing for miles. But I knew exactly where I was, I'd been here before. I'd been everywhere in three years time.

My empty stomach screamed for food, water, anything of sustenance. It could wait. The Earth below my feet still obeyed my commands. It carried me further than my legs would've ever been able to. These miles and miles of land were Fire Nation land now, that much I knew. But they were mostly uninhabited. No one wanted to live in these barrens. Crops didn't grow here, consumable water was few and far between. I'd be safe while the sun still hung in the sky. By the time I made it where I was going, it would be night time again. That's what I needed — the night.

* * *

When I finally made it to the edge of The Great Divide it was nightfall. I stared out over the canyons. This place had once been my own personal Hell. It was carved by the universe just for me, where on the worst of days, I would suffer. It's where I trained my hardest, or at least that's what dad said.

I thought that I'd never return here. Not in a million years. But I did once, shortly after I was banished. It was the only other place I knew. I remember being small and famished, I think that I really just came here to die. But they remembered me — the canyon crawlers. They remembered my voice and how loud I screamed. Eventually, when I'd "trained my hardest", no sound came out at all when I opened my mouth. But the canyon crawlers still knew that I was there. They knew because their home shook at it's very core. Their slower colony members were crushed by falling rock and the tunnels they'd built collapsed. They evacuated on my "training days".

But when I returned, feeble and malnourished and unsure of my place in this world, they pitied me. They welcomed me and cared for me. They allowed me to seek shelter in their home and brought me the food they'd scavenged that didn't quench their bloodlust. Fruits and vegetables. Thinking back, maybe they didn't pity me at all. Maybe they just feared me.

Regardless, I hoped that things hadn't changed now. I sat on the edge of The Divide and hummed a familiar tune. One that they'd recognize because it was the only song I knew every word to, because there weren't very many words to remember.

_"My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender yellow-blue. And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you."_

For a moment, there was nothing. Perhaps they wouldn't remember my voice, not in it's hoarse state. But then I felt the scurrying of one hundred hairy legs. That's a small army of crawlers, if you do the math. They were flocking to me, trampling over each other in a race for who would get to say hello first. At the finish line was a stocky fellow. His body plumper than the others, his legs faster, teeth sharper. 

He nuzzled my neck like an oversized lap dog, begging for a scratch up his snout. I was happy to oblige.

 _"Oh, hello, my love."_ Baby talk was always their favorite, _"I know, I missed you too. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"_

A peace offering was dropped at my feet. A pear. Where they got these things, I have no clue. But in exchange for food, they hoped that I wouldn't scream so loud that no noise came out again.

The crawler that'd made it to me first allowed me to straddle his back. They have an amazing sense of smell, those creatures. If they could sniff out a single pear in an entire canyon, I knew they could sniff out my father. But I didn't have anything of his to offer for reference. Nothing besides myself.

I pulled the switchblade from my pocket and dragged it across the healed scar on my palm. Blood poured from my hand. Hot and sticky blood. I squeezed my fingers tight like I was juicing a lemon and allowed it to seep onto the skin between his many nostrils. He took off down the canyon wall.

He pulled me through caverns and crevices deep within The Divide, ones so small that I had to tuck myself tight against his body in order to squeeze through. But he was an athlete, that one. There was a reason he had more meat on his bones than the others. When he finally found the source of half of my DNA, I was appalled.

My father's army had carved out the heart of the crawlers' home. The innermost center of the biggest rock this canyon had to offer was hollowed out, a city made of pure earth slept within it. Teepees bended from stone slabs were set up like campsites with blazing fires burning outside each of them. That was likely what kept the crawlers at bay.

 _"Which one?"_ I asked, slipping off of his back. He kneeled straight ahead, toward the teepee furthest to the back and sitting all by itself.

 _"Good boy."_ I lifted his muzzle with one hand and left a kiss between his many eyes. His forked tongue slithered out, lapping up my dried blood, _"Stay close."_

Treading lightly, I maneuvered through the campfires. Their crackling gave me cover when my light footsteps failed, and I made it to my father's structure in no time. The door to his makeshift home was nothing more than a curtain draped over the opening of the rock, I slipped in silently.

There he was, sleeping on a cot without a single care in the world. I wondered for a moment what he was dreaming about, but already knew — war. That's all he ever dreamed about whether he was asleep or not. His beard had greyed a tiny bit since the last time I saw him, just around the edges. Other than that, he looked exactly as I remembered. Maniacal. There was little else in the room besides a cot. A trunk at the foot of it, a travel dresser in the corner, and an oil lantern on top of the dresser. Beside the lantern sat a pack of matches.

I lit one of them and in an instant, he was startled awake. He sat straight up in bed like he was under attack. In some ways, he was. His eyes took a moment to adjust and when they finally cleared, his olive skin drained of all it's color.

 _"Enya?"_ He asked, squinting as if he were seeing a ghost from his past.

I smirked behind the match and used it to light the wick, _"No, I bet a look a whole lot like her with a flame at my fingertips though, huh?"_

 _"Kai.."_ His face turned down into the scowl that I remembered best, _"Unless you've brought me the Fire Lord's head on a wooden stake, you aren't welcome here."_

I ignored his protest over my presence and sat the lantern back onto the travel dresser. There was water in here somewhere, I was so thirsty that I could _smell_ it. I helped myself to the trunk at the foot of his cot. His canteen was there. Half a gallon of filtered water snapped open and I turned it up at my lips. Some of it poured down the sides of my chin, but most of it I drank up like a glutton. When it was empty, I tossed it back in and quietly latched the trunk shut.

 _"Were you anticipating my visit? Long Feng knew of my whereabouts weeks ago. I thought you'd have prepared better._ " I asked.

 _"He sent me a message the moment you stepped foot in Ba Sing Se. It took you a disappointingly long time to make it here."_ He was tantalizing me, making it known that he hated my guts.

 _"It took me one full day, thank you very much."_ I said, _"Not bad for someone that was dropped off in the middle of Full Moon Bay, if you ask me."_

 _"I didn't ask you."_ He snapped, _"But what I am asking is what the hell you want."_

So much for a warm welcome, I'd been shown more kindness from the fucking canyon crawlers. Regardless, that was the golden question. What did I want? My motives for coming here had changed since I'd first made the decision to seek him out months ago.

 _"Well,"_ I started, _"first I planned on just killing you and getting it over with. That plan was temporarily put on hold when Long Feng told me that my mother was alive and well in Ba Sing Se. That's what took me so long to make it here, I was searching for her there. When I confronted him about lying to me about her whereabouts, he spilled the beans about you being a blood traitor."_

My father winced at the accusation, like he was just as disgusted with himself for lying down with the woman as he was my very existence.

_"I mean that with no ill intent, it seems to run in the family. Anyways. Feng gave me the lovely idea of asking you where I could find the woman. When we get to that question, I do expect the truth, by the way."_

I was monologuing. Pacing back and forth between the slanted walls of his dimly lit home.

 _"But now that I'm here, I think that I only came with one real purpose in mind."_ I stopped on my heel, looking up from the dirt floor and into his eyes that in no way mirrored my own, _"I came to let you know that I'm angry. I'm angry because no matter how far I strayed away from you, your actions have still haunted me for the past three fucking years."_

He threw the sheet that covered him off of his chest and stood hastily to his feet, pulling on his night robe that lay crumpled on the floor, _"I don't have time to listen to your childish whining, girl. The Earth Kingdom has fallen, haven't you heard?"_

He made way for the exit of his Teepee, probably to have his men carry me out. God knows he couldn't do it on his own.

 _"I wouldn't do that if I were you."_ I warned, _"There's a canyon crawler waiting for me out there. He's willing to die for me, and more so, he's willing to kill for me. Along with all of his friends that would be more than happy to rip your men limb from limb and feast on their flesh."_

Now that, that caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

_"They remember me, you know. After years of listening to my wailing, even their insect brains couldn't forget."_

_"The training that I put you through down here was for your own GOOD!"_ He spat. And I could tell that even he didn't believe the words he spoke.

 _"Training."_ I scoffed, _"What you put me through was nothing short of torture."_

 _"You had strength inside of you that no other earth bender, not even myself, could fathom.."_ He turned away from the door now, _"And if the key to unlocking it was a little bit of pain, then so be it."_

 _"You **beat** me. For days on end sometimes. You broke my ribs for the first time when I was fucking TEN!"_ My molars grinded together so hard that I could feel the residue clinging to the inside of my sticky, dry gums. _"And when I wasn't suffering here, you were secluding me back at the base. There were men that I'd grown up with since the day I was born that'd never so much as looked me in the eye, let alone spoken to me. It was like I was a fucking ghost walking through the valley. A shadow."_

_"It was better that way, Kai. The task that you were born to fulfill required solitude. You needed to be content with just yourself or else you would've gone crazy once I set you off."_

_"I was LONELY, dad!"_ I screamed and my voice trembled. But more than that, the surface below our feet did, too. The rock above our heads started to settle from the small tremor that shook the canyon. _"I was all alone with my fucking thoughts! Do you have any idea what it's like to be trapped inside your own goddamn head twenty-four hours a day?!"_

He didn't answer me. I think he was maybe scared of angering me further. But his silence was what really got to me. I needed him to express something. Anything at all. A cold sweat dripped down my temples, despite the fact that all of the campfires had it comfortably warm down here. I squeezed my eyes closed and sucked in a deep breath through my nostrils, trying my best to calm down.

_"You made a mistake.. not extending orders to your men to continue pretending like I didn't exist. After I left, they seeked me out all the time. It was like they spent their weekends off hunting me down. I'd run into them in merchant towns all over the Southern Earth Kingdom."_

Finally, a wince in his face. His heart thumped faster, I could hear it. He knew what I was getting at. So I took a seat on the trunk at the foot of his cot while his body remained stiff in the doorway.

 _"Sergeant Shin.."_ He said. With it came the first ounce of regret that I'd ever witnessed from him, _"I knew that it had to be you.. Shin was a good man, Kai. He was well respected in our military."_

 _"He was a rapist."_ I growled, daring him to compliment the man again. That same bubbling feeling emerged in my chest, the one that I'd felt in the catacombs. It crawled out of my soul and began filling me up with hatred, _"The world is a better place without him in it."_

 _"He had a FAMILY, you selfish imbecile! A DAUGHTER!"_ He whisper-shouted in an attempt to not draw attention from his men, but I lost it.

_" **YOU** HAD A DAUGHTER, DAD! I. AM. YOUR. DAUGHTER!"_

His palm slapped the stone wall and any attempts to keep quiet were thrown out the window. Before me stood the belligerent, sadistic man I knew so well. This was the father that I remembered. _"I'VE WARNED YOU BEFORE, CHILD, YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS GENERAL FONG!"_

The room got brighter. For a moment I thought that the sheet in front of the doorway had fallen, letting in light from the dozens of campfires outside. But no, I could see out of the corner of my eye that the flame of the oil lamp grew as the darkness inside of me spilled out of my throat, _**"I WILL CALL YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!"**_

Those were my words, but they weren't only spoken by my voice. There was another voice that slipped out behind mine, parroting every word I said. It was deeper and stronger than mine and with it came another tremor all around us. Sediment crumbled through the roof of the cave they'd carved out. My father heard it too, and in an instant he became a shell of the man I'd known before. Terror welled up in his eyes, I thought he was going to piss himself. I cleared my throat, choking down whatever malevolent sickness was taking me over.

It took a moment for him to finally muster up the courage to speak again. When he did, his voice was cast so low that I don't believe he really wanted to know the answer for which he asked, _"How did you do it?"_

Flashbacks rocked my mind's eye. Painful visions of that man's body, twice my size, sweating and heaving on top of mine. His meaty paws drunkenly shoving their way between my thighs, pushing my panties around my ankles. I gagged just thinking about the way he kept his fingers shoved down my throat so that I couldn't scream. Warmth hit my chest and I realized that I was crying, but when I looked down, I swear his fresh blood was still splattered all over me.

 _"How did you do it, Kai?"_ My father asked again and I snapped out of my sleepwalker like state. My hand met my face and hastily wiped the tears away.

 _"I just wanted one more fucking ale._ " I said, and his pitch black eyes latched onto mine, _"I was seeing a boy at the time, Jet. He went back to camp early. Shin saw me as I was walking home later in the evening. He'd been watching Jet and I dance to the band at a tavern."_

My heart swelled as I thought about how great that night had started out. How Jet had embraced my reckless habit of drinking too much while wandering around in the dark and was happy to participate. About how we'd made love a few days before, a first for me, and that I'd hoped we'd do it again when I made it back to the treehouse.

_"I felt him grab me by the back of the dress and he shoved me into a room he was renting. He grunted like a disgusting pig when he forced himself on me. I'll spare you the details. And then he said that he was going to tell all of the men back at base about how he'd finally had his way with me."_

My father shook his head in disbelief, _"And then you stabbed him.. you slit his throat nearly in two."_

 _"No." A_ sick smile tugged at the corners of my lips. There was a time when I'd been disgusted by what I'd done to that monster. As time went on though, I got over it. _"The knife that ended his life never once touched my hand."_

 _"Then that boy."_ He speculated, _"He carried out that.. that act of barbarism for you."_

I shook my head, standing to my feet and walking slowly toward the coward in front of me. He backed away toward his cot until the frame buckled his knees and forced him to have a seat.

 _"I sat right where you were, he stood exactly like I am now. I was so in shock that I couldn't even speak.."_ I imagined what I'd looked like in that moment, sitting just like my dad was. Sixteen fucking years old and having just been raped by a man that I'd been taught to idolize. I felt ruined.

_"Shin slit his own throat right in front of me. His blood spurted onto my chest and I listened to him drown on it."_

_"You're full of shit."_ He growled. I could see on his face the anger of a man that truly believed he was being lied to, _"No man could do that to himself. When they found him, on top of being charred to a crisp, Shin was nearly decapitated!"_

 _"The fire was an accident."_ I admitted, _"When I got back to camp, I finally got the chance to scream. You know the kind I'm talking about, when the space around me goes devoid of any noise at all and the ground shakes. You taught me that trick down here. The oil lamp near his bed fell over during the earthquake and caught the room on fire."_

That was how Jet had found me, stumbling out of the brush like an orphaned baby deer. Covered in a dead man's blood. I remember screaming so hard that my vocal cords ached for days. Jet hit the ground and crawled over to me, holding my broken and bruised body until I fell asleep crying. I left a week later.

 _"I will not sit still and listen to your lies, child."_ He tried to stand, but found that he couldn't. It was like being strapped to a chair with invisible restraints. That was my doing. After a moment of confusion, he knew it, too. _"How are you.."_ he stuttered, _"Spirits, Kai.. you **did** kill him — you made him_ _do that to himself?!"_

He'd punched me in the face once when I tried to bite down on his fingers, leaving me with a gnarly cut through my eyebrow that caused me to literally see red. Again when I tried to force my legs shut, that'd earned me a few broken ribs. I realize now that it wasn't shock I was feeling at all. Sitting on that cot feeling more alone and used than ever, it was the first time the darkness visited me. Shin was toweling the sweat off of his repulsive, hairy body while I was scanning the room for a way out. That was when my eyes fell on the hunting knife on his nightstand.

 _"You should've seen the fear in his eyes when he realized what was happening. He fought the urge to grab the blade, but I was stronger than him."_ I said. My voice was flat and unemotional, _"He started to cry, but I wouldn't allow his jaw to open wide enough for a scream. The knife slid just as easily into his throat as it would've warm butter."_

Dad began to panic. His arms were tucked taut at his sides, just enough control over his own body to grip the sheets below his fingers, _"I can't — I can't move.."_ He began to hyperventilate, his chest rising and falling chaotically.

 _"I know."_ I said while squatting in front of him, forcing him to look me in the eyes. _"We're all made of earth. Our bones, they're just recycled dirt and stone. But don't worry, your life isn't going to end today. Like you said, the Earth Kingdom has fallen. We have a war to fight. I do have a question for you, though."_

He knew what I was going to ask, I'd already revealed that to him. The forlorn look in his eyes told me that answering would physically pain him more than my telekinetic hold on his body did. But he wouldn't dare lie, not now that he knew who was really in control.

_"There's something dark inside of me. I can feel it crawl out of my soul when I'm angry and it gives me permission to do terrible things. Justified things, but terrible things all the same. I think you know what it is, and I think it has something to do with my mother. So you're going to tell me about her."_

My father looked down at his bare feet for a long time before his mouth finally opened.

 _"Your mother is, what they call in the Fire Nation, a healer."_ He licked his lips and lifted his chin back up, as if he were finally about to admit a crime he'd committed, _"In the Earth Kingdom, she'd be considered a witch doctor. People travel from all over the world to see her. She cleanses them of their inner demons, frees them from their most personal turmoils."_

 _"Why would she be considered a witch doctor?"_ I asked, my arms resting on my knees like a child listening to a bedtime story.

_"People only go to her when they are truly desperate. Visiting her isn't an easy task, making the journey to her home is a death wish in and of itself. Those types of people.. They've allowed whatever negative emotions they have to fester for so long that it becomes a physical entity. A living, breathing parasite." He took a deep breath and when he exhaled, it sounded like a death rattle, "Something like that.. It needs a host. It cannot just be disposed of or destroyed by conventional means."_

My blood ran cold with fear. I remembered my nightmare, when I woke up on the beach retching and convulsing.

 _"What does she do with it.. with the parasite?"_ I asked, but I already knew. I remembered now. My nightmare hadn't just been a figment of my imagination, it was a memory. My earliest one. He hesitated to answer and I was growing angrier by the second.

 _"ANSWER ME!"_ I screamed and before I knew it, I was no longer squatting in front of him. I stood to my feet and back handed him so hard across the face that I heard my own wrist fracture. His paralyzed body tumbled onto the floor at my feet.

 _"She takes the place of their host.."_ He admitted after flexing his jaw, _"She swallows the darkness whole and it lives inside of her. That way it cannot spread to anyone else."_

A tear ran down my cheek and into my mouth. I felt like I was going to vomit.

 _"Did she — She did that when —"_ I couldn't think or talk straight. My mind went foggy and there wasn't enough air anywhere in this cavern to satisfy my lungs, _"She did that when she was pregnant? With me?"_

My father's jaw held stiff and for once in his miserable fucking life, he finally looked ashamed. _"I presume so.. Yes."_

My bending of his bones went slack, freeing him from my will. Anxiety filled me as the reality of what they'd done set in. He'd mated with darkness personified, created spawn with walking negativity.

 _"That thing was with me before I was even born.."_ I said. My fingers touched my face in an attempt to remind myself that I was still human, but they were met by wet tears that'd continued to roll down my cheeks, _"You created a fucking monster."_

 _"No, my dear."_ He rolled his feet underneath his thighs as if he were bowing and looked up at me. A mixture of respect and fear shined in his eyes, and then a deranged smile broke out across his face. _"I've created a God."_


	22. Loved You For All Of My Life

When I got back to the top of the canyon, I vomited. My body hit the ground as I rolled off the crawler's back and all of the water that I'd stolen from my dad's canteen refused to stay in my stomach. I gripped the dirt as my body violently convulsed.

Eventually, the spasming muscles in my stomach settled down. I flopped onto my back and wiped my mouth off on my hand. The sharp stinging in my fractured wrist made itself known, though it was the least of my worries. The crawler that was proving to be loyal laid down beside me, nuzzling his massive head against my side.

_"We have quite the journey ahead of us, bub."_ I said, speaking to the crawler. _"If we're going to be together for a little while, I might as well give you a name, huh?"_

Before I'd left, my father told me that Enya, my mother, lived in a cave nestled on the side of the Black Cliffs. It wasn't a very large island and, from what I'd gathered, was uninhabited. But we'd have to travel hundreds of miles and over a fuck ton of water just to get there. The crawler and I had an unspoken agreement. He'd handle the ground work and I'd keep him safe over the ocean.

_"I think you look like a Nero. What do you think?"_ I asked him. He nuzzled further into my ribs, offering me warmth and companionship through the cold, lonely night.

* * *

Nero was fast. It took us only a fortnight to travel across the Earth Kingdom. Though, a giant insect-reptile hybrid was bound to draw some unwanted attention. We had to take longer routes in order to avoid colonies and villages, sleeping in thick tree branches during the day and traveling through forests at night. For a little while it felt like I'd gone back to my roots, just like the good 'ol days. That space of time between being banished and joining the avatar's gang.

I found out rather quickly that Nero was terrified of water. It was like pulling teeth, dragging him to the cliffside where we needed to take off from. If you couldn't guess, canyon crawlers are rather stubborn creatures. Ultimately I had to lure him to the edge with a sea vulture carcass.

We traveled over the ocean without much incident. Nero refused to move an inch on the narrow slab of earth I'd conjured up from the ocean floor. So unlike how I'd traveled across Full Moon Bay, that one piece of earth joined our little family and carried us all the way across the ocean. We sat high above the waves when we were far from the shore, that way I could watch out for any incoming Fire Nation ships. When we got closer to the little fishing islands that made up Crescent Isle, we stuck closer to the surface so we couldn't be seen.

I hated bone bending. It wasn't something that I did often, not even when I found myself in a whole lot of trouble. I'd used it on Shin because of what he'd done to me and to my father just to show him exactly what it was he'd created. But on that tiny island that was just big enough for Nero and I, it was an unfortunate necessity. My boy was hungry, and hunting was impossible in the middle of the ocean. I didn't anticipate needing a fishing rod and there was no way he was going to dive for his dinner. So the fish offered themselves to us willingly, with a little bit of persuasion from yours truly.

A week later, the Black Cliffs finally peeked at us from over the horizon. It was a foggy, thunderous night when we came up on them. Stinging raindrops fell all around us and the ocean waves seemed to grasp for my ankles, as if they craved another dance with me ever since we met at Full Moon Bay.

That slab of ocean floor carried us until it butted up against the staggering wall of the island. I hopped onto Nero's back, gripping his wet fur tight, and leaned down next to his face.

_"I need you to come through for me one more time, babe."_ I shouted past a deafening crack of lightning while fishing my switchblade out of my pocket. The wound I'd cut into my own flesh a few weeks prior had just fully healed, and here I was ripping it open all over again. Blood poured out of my palm and over Nero's snout, mixing with rain water. I prayed that it'd be enough for him to take me where I needed to go.

He crawled along the wall at a ninety degree angle for what felt like hours. I held onto his body like my life depended on it. For a while I thought he'd lost whatever miniscule trail he'd caught wind of, or if he'd even had one at all. It wasn't until I peeped a small flame far above our heads that a spark of hope ignited in my chest. I felt so weak. My body ached from hanging on to Nero for so long, my arms were threatening to slip from around his neck at any moment. He scurried over the ledge of the cave where a lantern hung at the crest of.

The cave was just that, a cave. Nothing to it at all. It was shallow, maybe fifteen feet in depth. Two other lanterns hung from the ceiling, leading the way to a wooden door at the back wall. I crawled off of Nero's back, shivering from the freezing water that clung to my skin.

_"Stay here. I don't want you out exploring during this storm and slipping off the side of a cliff. Understand?"_ I held his face in my hands and just like how he silently agreed to stay nearby when he left me to speak with my father, he lapped at the blood that still poured freely from my palm.

I approached the door cautiously. It didn't look like the door to the home of some medieval witch doctor like my father had described. It was smoothed out wood painted seafoam green, rounded at the top with an iron knocker at the center.

What was I even going to say to this woman? I didn't have so much as an introduction in mind. Dad hadn't told me much else about her, he didn't tell me why she wasn't in my life or how they even met. What if she didn't want me here? Would she recognize me the moment we met or would she think I was just another stranger seeking out her unique, yet sacrificial services? I didn't get much time to simmer on the answers to the questions that ran through my mind. Before I had the chance to reach out and hold the knocker in my hand, the door creaked open slowly.

The woman that stood before me looked older than her age. I estimated that she was likely in her mid forties, but she looked every bit of fifty-five or older. Cognac colored eyes rested between the crows feet on her temples. Soft black hair was pulled back into a bun on top of her head, strands of silver reflected off of the lantern light. She was an inch or two shorter than I and her skin fairer. I realized then how much I'd taken after my father physically. This woman didn't look like me at all.

_"May I help you, child?"_ She asked. Her voice didn't shake like I'd anticipated, it was smooth and polished. I was though. My body shivered from a combination of adrenaline running through my veins and being soaking fucking wet.

_"Are you Enya?"_ I asked through chattering teeth. She offered me a smile and nodded. _"I was told that you might be able to help me."_

She looked me up and down as if surveying whether or not I _really_ had a soul as black as tar.

_"Tell me, dear —"_ She asked, her finger lifting to her chin quizzically, _"How long have you been tormented for?"_

I was put off by her question, but the answer came naturally. It slipped out of my mouth before I even knew that I was speaking, _"Since before I was born."_

Apparently that was the key to her riddle. She opened the door wider and pulled her petite body to the side, offering me entry to her home.

And "home" didn't even seem like the right word to describe the lovely little place. Maybe "cottage", because it felt so cozy. If it weren't for the lack of windows, you wouldn't know that you were tucked inside a mountain at all. The walls were insulated with planks of wood and a fireplace roared in the living room. Cross stitched pictures were hung for decoration and a rack of quilts sat in the corner. The place was almost whimsical, like visiting your grandmother.

_"I don't think anyone's ever thought to hitch a ride on a canyon crawler in order to make it up here. Or maybe they have, but they aren't exactly easy to domesticate."_ She tapped her head with one finger and winked at me, _"Clever girl."_

I smiled at her as she led me through the house, _"Nero's a good boy. We've been taking care of each other lately."_

She opened another door at the start of a short hallway. It led to what I presumed was her bedroom.

_"Let me get you some dry clothes, dear. You're going to catch a cold in those rags, and it looks like you've been wearing them since your days as a schoolgirl."_ She rummaged through the closet, pushing through hangers of dresses and robes in a variety of colors, _"I think I have something here from my more youthful years that you should be able to fill out quite nicely. Ah yes, here we go."_

A black calf length robe emerged in her hands. The cuffs, collar and edges a silky red. Very Fire Nation-esque. I tried to deny her offer of such a beautiful dress, but she was having none of it. In the end she was right, it did fit me well. And it smelled like the rest of her home, like a campfire, a scent that I was learning to favor.

I followed her back into the small kitchen where she took a pot of tea off a flame and poured two cups to the brim. _To warm your bones,_ she said. It was jasmine, and it made my heart ache from memories now soured.

_"Before I can help you,"_ She paused to sip from her glass, _"I need to know what exactly is harrowing you..."_

Enya trailed off, I'd heard that expression before. People only did that when they were subtly asking for your name, which I usually didn't give up to strangers. I would've offered her an alias, but in that moment I couldn't think of a single other name at all. I sat staring at her like an idiot until I finally just bumbled out my own.

_"Kai. My name is Kai."_ She didn't flinch, so I assumed she'd never learned my name after I was born.

_"Kai."_ She repeated. The way my name rolled off of her tongue made me swoon. _"Do you know what your name means?"_

My jaw stiffened. Of course I knew what it meant. Aside from being interested in the etymology of names in general, my father reminded me constantly during my time with him what my own name meant. I looked down into my cup, smiling nervously at my own reflection.

_"I believe the most widely recognized meaning is 'victory'."_

_"That's exactly right. Victory."_ She finished off her tea and continued to speak while rummaging around in a nearby drawer, _"Which means that no matter what is tormenting your young soul, you will come out victorious."_

When she came back to the small table that was just wide enough for the two of us, she held a gauze in her hand. I guess she'd taken notice of my bloody palm. The wound was mostly clotted now, but it wouldn't have taken much to force it back open again. She held her fingers open and I set my hand in hers, they were nice and warm.

_"Now, tell me what undesirables lie within you."_

I watched the gauze wrap round and round my hand. It was both soothing and hypnotic, like watching waves crash along the shore.

_"Anger."_ I said. _"Hot, thick anger. I feel it slither up in my chest like a snake and it allows me to do unspeakable things."_

She nodded and continued to unwind, _"I see. When was the first time you felt this type of anger?"_

Again, my vision flashed with images of Shin's face close to mine. I could almost feel the hay stuffed mattress beneath my head and his whiskey scented breath hitting my ear.

_"A few months ago. But it's always been there.. sleeping. Or waiting. I'm starting to think that maybe we were born together, like Siamese twins."_

She tied off the gauze and held my hand in her own. They fit so comfortably together, like they were one and the same. Two halves of the same whole. She looked up into my eyes and suddenly an empty hole that I didn't even know existed inside of me was filled up. I could tell that she knew exactly who I was.

_"You have been scorned.. so badly, my child. Haven't you?"_

A tear slipped down my cheek and all I could manage was a nod. Her lips pursed together and a look of regret fell over her. Her eyes glassed over.

_"That's my fault. I guess it's about time that I officially apologize for my role in your creation."_

We rounded the table simultaneously and she embraced me the way that I'd always prayed my father would. I held her tight, reduced to a child begging for their mother after a nightmare. Her body felt frail in my grasp from years of putting herself through abuse. I became a sobbing, blubbering mess in her arms, asking her questions that I didn't even know I wanted answered. Why she'd left me and how she could, whether my father had anything to do with her absence and if not, why didn't she ever try to reach out. For a little while she just shushed me and rubbed my back soothingly. When we finally pulled away from each other, I dried my wet eyes and took back my seat across from her.

_"I'm so sorry."_ I sniffled, _"I didn't know that meeting you would cause me to.. Feel, I guess, so many emotions at once."_

She'd been crying, too. Tears hung from her jaw and she dabbed them dry with a handkerchief.

_"Don't you dare apologize. It's been quite some time since we last met, you deserve to feel every bit of those emotions."_ Her smooth voice held a comedic undertone, it allowed me to smile through the tears, _"I just pray that you'll forgive me for my absence. I wanted to be there, but it was better that I left shortly after you were born."_

_"Why though, mom? I mean.. Was it something to do with dad? He didn't speak of you at all when I was a child."_ The word felt foreign in my mouth. _Mom._

_"It was a decision your father and I made together. He wanted you surrounded by only earth benders, scared that you'd take after me and have fire running through your veins instead. Of course, I knew from the moment you opened those striking green eyes of yours that you'd be a powerful earth bender."_ She paused and huffed a silent chuckle, as if she was remembering something funny, _"Spirits, you used to kick me so hard that my ribs would crack. I'd have tiny foot shaped bruises form on my stomach from the inside out."_

The smile on her face faded as sadness clouded her features and she continued, _"As you can see, this is no place to raise a child. And my work is dangerous, while yours required great devotion."_

_"So you knew, then.. About my father's plans for me."_ I asked. Up until now I'd chosen to believe that she was just as ignorant about me as I was her. How could she not have been? What mother would've allowed their child be born for the sole purpose of either rescuing the world from mass terrorism or sacrificing themselves?

_"I have always been in the business of helping people. All people, not just those from my own nation. It's what I was put on Earth to do. By the time your father visited me, Fire Nation troops had been spilling blood all over the world for nearly a century."_ She forced down a painful sounding lump that seemed to be growing in her throat, _"I had so many lost souls visiting me that had been deeply affected by this war.. So many people that were being tormented by the anger and misery of losing loved ones. And even more lost their own lives just trying to make it here. I was considering closing up shop for good when your father stumbled in on a night not unlike this one. An ugly and dangerous storm was brewing outside, funny how history seems to repeat itself, huh? He told me of his vision, of how the spirits had led his eyes to the Lupus constellation and how he was destined to create the living key to ending this war."_

_"But why you? Why would he not just have a child with an Earth Kingdom woman?"_

Her shoulders shrugged as if she had no clue, yet she continued to answer, _"He said that he needed his child to be of mixed blood. The abilities of an earth bender with the aggression of a fire bender. I know that I may look small and harmless now, but on top of the unique services I provide, I was a rather powerful bender when I was your age. Under his proposition, everybody won. My clientele would become less saturated, young men and women would stop losing their lives trying to visit me, and if successful, this war would eventually come to an end."_

When she was my age. I couldn't imagine doing what she did for a living, becoming the walking host for negativity and bad spirits. But I also couldn't help feeling a little bit of resentment toward her knowing that she willingly created a life just to benefit herself.

_"Everybody wins besides me."_

She heard what I said and cast her eyes down toward her hands, _"I didn't think of it like that at the time, my child."_

_"You continued your work while you were pregnant with me."_ I spat, tears that were now born from anger welled up in my eyes. _"You swallowed all of that negativity whole and it lived with me for the first nine months of my life."_

Shame. I'm sure that was one of the physical torments she extracted from people all the time. She had some organic shame of her own, too. It dripped off of her porcelain skin as I confronted her about her negligence.

" _Please believe me when I say this.."_ She looked up at me, _"My biggest regret has always been what I put you through in the womb. That's why I never reached out, why I never tried to make contact with you as you grew older. I was terrified of what you'd become. Sometimes I could feel you fighting inside of me, that's what those rib crushing kicks had been, you fighting for your life."_

Enya's handkerchief caught more steaming hot tears as they fell down her face and she continued, _"I told myself not to worry about it, that you were a fierce little_ _one_ _! It sure felt like you were winning.. But deep down, I always knew that I'd made a mistake."_

I wasn't sure what she was calling a mistake; the darkness that she'd forced on me, or my conception in general. I couldn't speak for a little while, struck with the realization that maybe Zuko was right. Maybe none of us had any control over our destiny at all. It seemed now that I'd been doomed from the start.

_"Did you ever love me, mom? Actually me, not just what I was supposed to accomplish."_ My voice cracked as I spoke.

She reached out a slender, shaky finger and brushed my cheek, wiping away my tears. Finally, I saw myself in her. I saw myself in her soft touch and accepting gaze. I saw myself in the way that she adored every person she'd ever met, despite their intentions to exploit her for her services and I saw myself in her grounded soul.

_"My dear.. I have loved you for all of my life."_

The faucet behind my eyes turned on full force. I planted my hand over hers, keeping her palm on my face as I slid out of the chair and to my knees in front of her. I begged her to please help me, to cleanse my soul of all the anger that caused me to feel like I was losing touch with reality. She wrapped her thin arms around my shoulders and allowed me to lay my head on her lap, sobbing.

_"Yes, my sweet girl, I can help you."_ She whispered into my hair as I heaved uncontrollably, _"I will fix this, I promise. I will fix all of this."_

I felt my body heating up in her arms. At first it was just a nice, toasty sensation. But then my shoulders began to tingle. The putrid smell of flesh burning hit my nostrils and terror struck me at my very core. I tried to wriggle free from her grasp, but she hadn't been over compensating earlier when she called herself powerful.

_"Mom, what're you_ _—_ _Stop! Stop!"_ I tried to mutter out every objection I could think of at once, but her grip around me was getting tighter by the second and my voice only came out muffled. Her sharp nails dug into my skin, as if she was trying to strangle me and burn me alive simultaneously.

_"Shhh.. I'm so sorry, my love.."_ She whispered, _"There is no place in this world for something so devoid of light."_

I could feel my skin bubbling into a thick paste. The overwhelming smell caused me to retch and choke. Or at least that's what I thought was causing the retching at first. But then I felt that familiar creepy crawly feeling in my chest, like the legs of a brown recluse climbing right out of my heart. The anger of betrayal numbed me to the fact that my own flesh was about to catch fire.

_"Stop, please.."_ Those were the words I continued to chant, but they weren't spoken from fear of dying anymore. They were stoic and unemotional, like a warning call.

I gripped the front two legs of her chair and, just my luck, ice cold stone met my hands. I pulled them loose without any effort at all and she went tumbling forward on top of me. She scurried to her feet and I could see now that her hands glowed as bright as embers. A fire whip emerged in her palm and snapped toward me, lassoing around my ankle. She dragged me back in her direction.

My nails clawed at the floorboards, leaving a trail of deep scratch marks behind me until I finally snagged one. It ripped up and below it was the cave ground that secretly hid below and all around us. The lasso she held tight around my ankle was threatening to both sever my achilles tendon and cauterize it back together instantly. I let one hand free and used it to bend the ground beneath the floor to my whim.

A pair of stone shackles made just for her, that's what was thrown her way. I guess the Dai Li taught Azula and I both a few things. They paralyzed her wrists and fell heavy against the floor, breaking her hold on me. I took my time limping to my feet, I'd earned that pleasantry.

_"I told you to stop."_ I said. Any momentary connection I'd shared with this woman was gone. She sat kneeled in front of me now, completely powerless. Enya refused to look me in the eyes, she kept her face pointed toward the floor in defeat. So I leaned down to her level and tilted her chin up with my fingers, forcing her to face what she'd created.

_"All of the world's man-made darkness lies right here in your tarnished soul."_ I told her and then stood up quietly, straightening out the dress she loaned me. It was mine now, I'd decided. I turned on my blistered, burned heel and started for the door.

She tried to lure me back in with a song, like a siren beckoning a sailor out to sea. I heard just a hum first, it strummed the chords of my heartstrings. Followed by her naturally crisp voice that I realized had sang me to sleep more times than I could count.

_"My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender yellow-blue. And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you."_

I refused to turn around, even when I heard her voice crack with sorrow. That Thing still had free rein of my body, and it was starving for vengeance.


	23. Blood Traitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi-filler chapter, guys. Sorry. ):

The rain stopped pouring by the time Kai closed the door behind her, the same seafoam green wooden door with the iron knocker that had looked inviting not too long ago. She willed the stone at it's sides over it as retribution. That seemed to be enough to put the anger inside of her at ease.

A dangerous amount of fog still lingered around the cliffs. Far too thick for them to safely start back out toward the ocean. Which was a shame, Kai wanted nothing more than to sail as far away from this place and never look back. Nero had settled into a peaceful looking slumber at the cave's edge. She nudged him awake gently, her damaged back and shoulder muscles screaming at her in the process.

_"Come on, boy. We can't stay here tonight."_ She said as the crawler stirred. He was slow to start, but welcomed her onto his back. Kai was made aware of all the damage she'd suffered as she clung to Nero's body. The fingernails she'd caught on the floorboard had been nearly ripped off completely, the other hand had a fractured wrist connected to it, deep burns on her back were still cooling off, and the pain in her scorched ankle was almost unbearable.

Nero carried them up the cliff walls to the top of the small island. He lowered his body to the ground so the fall wouldn't cause her any more pain. It was like he was in tune with the girl. She couldn't bear to turn over onto her back, knowing that the pressure of her own weight against the burns would've been immense. So she remained on her stomach with her face nestled against the cold, wet grass. Nero fell asleep beside her, like he always did. But Kai laid awake for hours that night.

She laid in the dark, listening to the insects chip and far off animals "baaah"-ing in the distance. Another emotion was growing inside of her. One that both surprised and frightened her even more than when the anger made its appearance. Loneliness. Vast, painful loneliness with a hint of emptiness lacing it's edges. And for the first time she felt exactly how her mother had described her. Devoid of any light at all. Like it'd all been vacuumed right out of her. But instead of darkness rushing in to fill the empty space, she just felt hollow.

Kai was stirred awake early in the morning by the sound of Nero's jaw snapping shut. The crunching of bones echoed over what she could now see was an open pasture. Amongst the rolling green hills sat her "pet", covered in blood and feasting on an unfortunate koala sheep.

_"I see you've already helped yourself to breakfast."_ She groaned as she struggled to pull herself to her feet. Every inch of her body fought waking up for the day, but it had to be done. She still had one more journey to start and finish before seeking out the gaang again.

Nero gobbled up his meal and crawled back over to his master. He was up and at 'em for the day, bouncing off his heels like a puppy that was ready for a walk.

_"Nuhuh, you can't come with me this time, babe."_ She said while leaning down to scratch him between the nostrils. He seemed to understand her just fine and didn't like what he was being told. The crawler dropped to the ground in front of her feet and offered up the sappiest pair of beggar's eyes a beast of his kind was capable of.

A sad smile forced its way across Kai's face. She joined him in the grass, stroking the hair on his neck as she spoke to him. _"You've shown me more humanity than most of the actual humans I've ever met, y'know that?"_ He rolled onto his back for a belly rub and shimmied across her lap, forked tongue snaking its way through his canines to give her monstrous kisses.

_"It would be selfish of me to take you where I'm going, and dangerous. I can't risk your life just because I don't want to be alone."_ She said while indulging in his polite request for affection, _"Besides, you'll like it here. You'll be able to find food easier than at the Great Divide and there are tons of caves for you to explore."_

Nero still didn't seem happy with the decision she'd made. He withdrew his tongue and didn't offer her any more love, but didn't protest when she pushed him off of her and walked to the edge of a nearby cliff.

_"I'll try to make my way back to you, but no promises."_ She said, and that was that. Kai watched him scurry over the hill and again heard the sound of bones crunching in the distance.

* * *

Zuko stood before his uncle for the first time in weeks. It angered him to see what was once a ruthless leader look so broken on the floor of a dingy jail cell. Everything angered him lately. He'd expected life to be a dream from the moment he stepped foot back in his kingdom, but he'd been proven wrong before they even docked the ship. Zuko knew that the avatar was still alive. He also knew that Azula had used him as an insurance plan to save her own ass if things went awry. But he didn't know what to do about it.

_"You brought this on yourself, you know. We could have returned together. You could've been a **hero**!"_

Iroh heard what was said to him, but he didn't respond. He shifted in his seat and ignored his nephew. He'd come to the same conclusion as Kai in the Crystal Catacombs all those weeks ago -- that Zuko had to find his way on his own terms. He wasn't going to choose right from wrong for any one person. Not for his uncle and not for some girl. It had to be for himself.

_"You have no right to judge me, Uncle. I did what I had to do in Ba Sing Se, and you're a fool for not joining me."_

Still, nothing.

_"You're not going to say anything??"_ Zuko spat. He grew even more frustrated when met with additional silence. For the first time in over three years, he had no guidance at all. He felt just as lost and alone now as he did sailing through the ocean with a fresh wound on his face. The feeling of deja vú stirred up unwanted emotions from the ocean floor of his mind. They had to be expelled. Zuko kicked up a wooden stool and shot a furious fireball at it. It burned to ash in the corner, but the confusion and anger inside of him still remained.

_"You're a crazy old man! You're crazy!"_ He shouted at Iroh. _"And if you weren't in jail, you'd be sleeping in a gutter!"_

With that, he stormed out of the tiny prison. The iron door slammed shut behind him, closing Zuko off from one of the only people that'd loved him unconditionally for his entire life. He didn't get to see his uncle's chin drop against his chest, nor did he see the defeated tears slip past Iroh's eyelids. But his sadness didn't go completely unnoticed.

_"He doesn't mean that, you know."_ Iroh heard from the small window far above his head. _"He's just confused and angry and taking it out on you. Don't take it personally."_

He looked up and, illuminated by the moonlight, was someone that'd strayed far, far away from home. Kai sat on the ledge with her uninjured leg tucked against her chest. It'd taken her four days to make it to the shore closest to The Gates of Azulon and through the villages that littered the Fire Nation. Four whole days of limping along with her eyes cast down so no one could see that she was an intruder. A solitary lifestyle, just like her father had planned for her. She'd turned into a wandering ghost all over again.

_"You shouldn't be here."_ He said as his chin dropped back down.

Kai slid down the wall, careful not to land on her burnt leg. _"Neither should you, but here we both are."_

She sat down on the cold prison floor in front of him. When Iroh glanced up, he almost mistook her for a feral cat. Her loaned robe had crisp burn holes, fresh blackish-purple bruises and older ugly yellow ones decorated her skin, and she'd lost a small but noticeable amount of weight.

_"Spirits, Kai.. What happened to you?"_ He asked in horror.

She shrugged casually while pulling her bag over her shoulder, _"I met my mother. As you can probably see, it didn't go so well."_ A woven game board and a drawstring purse full of tiles that she'd picked up in a small Fire Nation village emerged in her hands. She laid the items between the two of them. _"Fancy a game of Pai Sho?"_

Iroh's spirit began to lift immediately, he was always up for a round or two of Pai Sho. The game ensued and she quickly proved herself to be a worthy opponent. They caught up while they played.

_"I must admit, it is quite nice to see your face after weeks of being locked up in here."_ He complimented while carefully considering his next move. _"Aside from the.. 'altercation' with your mother, how have your travels treated you?"_

Again, she shrugged. _"Uneventful, for the most part. I domesticated a canyon crawler and ran into my father. Went to see mother. Stayed at a few hostels during my journey through the Fire Nation. They're much nicer than the ones in the Earth Kingdom, though the food is lacking."_

From the looks of it, Iroh wasn't sure he believed that the girl had partaken in any meals at all for at least the last week. And if she were being honest, she hadn't. Not much, anyways. The empty feeling that she'd been left with when her mother rejected her didn't leave much room for anything else. Not even hunger.

_"Forgive me, dear —"_ He said. His pleasantry brought a smile to the girl's face, it was the first ounce of kindness she'd been shown in this strange, new land. _"But something tells me you didn't wander all this way just to indulge in a strategic game of Pai Sho._ "

Kai's face fell as her mother's words played on repeat in her mind. There is no place in this world for something so devoid of light. Before the catacombs, she'd felt plenty full of light. That space of time between being banished and the Earth Kingdom falling, it'd been the happiest years of her short life. They were difficult sometimes; finding food, shelter and staying out of trouble. Especially staying out of trouble. But she'd been free. Now it seemed as if none of that even mattered. The good memories she had didn't make her smile anymore and the bad ones only brought a slight pinch of sadness to her chest at the absolute most.

_"Iroh.."_ She said while absently looking down at the game, _"Do you think that who we are is preconceived? Like, is it possible that people can be bad or good right from the very start?"_

_"If this is about my nephew —"_

_"It's not."_ Kai interrupted. _"This is about me. I learned that my mother did some very dark things while she was pregnant with me. Good things, I guess. Good for other people at least. But dark things. She seems to think that her actions.. I don't know, ruined me."_

Iroh scrapped the game. He was going to win anyways. _"I believe that most people have good inside of them. Even my brother and Princess Azula. But the worth of our character is molded by our lifestyle, the company we surround ourselves with, and the choices we make when nobody's looking."_

No one was looking when she killed Shin. If someone had been, they surely would've stepped in to save him. The question that haunted her now though, would anyone have stepped in to save her, too? Or would they have turned a blind eye to an "honorable" man having his way with another homeless teenage girl that was too drunk off of ale to defend herself? There was no need to speculate, she already knew the answer.

_"I've made bad choices. Terrible ones. Does that make me evil?"_ She looked up at him from the ground and Iroh could see that something had changed. Her bright green eyes now looked dull and lifeless, absent of the lively spark they once held.

_"Of course not, Kai. That makes you human. What's important is that you learn from your mistakes and give yourself room to grow."_

Kai forced a smile for the man sitting in front of her. It was the kind of reassurance she'd be searching for, but still not the reason she'd risked traveling to the Fire Nation Capital.

_"Toph was right, you do give the best advice."_ She pushed her belongings back into her bag and limped to her feet. _"Now get up."_

Iroh's brows knitted together in confusion. Where was he going to go? The other side of his cell? He couldn't scale this wall like she had and he sure as hell couldn't fit through the minuscule window above their heads.

_"The Day of Black Sun invasion is happening with or without the Earth Kingdom's support, either by me or my friends. I'm not going to let you sit here and rot."_

_"I can't leave this place. Fire Lord Ozai will assume —"_ He was abruptly cut off.

_"And I'm not going to help you escape. You're going to help yourself. So if you want to be ready by the day of the solar eclipse, you need to start training now."_

He stood to his feet, shaking and wobbly from sitting stationary for so long. Iroh felt every bit his age plus an extra ten years.

_"Push ups. Now."_ She ordered.

Iroh lowered himself onto his toes and palms, looking up at her one last time. "How many?"

Kai bended a small tunnel underneath the cell bars, barely big enough to shimmy her body through. She made it to the other side and grabbed the door handle.

_"As many as your arms will allow. After that, crunches. Then squats. I'll be back in a few days."_

* * *

Zuko realized the moment he boarded the ship back home that he really had told a lie. An accidental, little white lie that he'd forgotten all about over three years time. That lie was tall and thin with dark hair and an affluent family. Mai.

Mai had been his childhood crush. They'd shared their first kisses together and had more or less grown up side by side, thanks to their families being so close. As they got older, Mai grew into a personality that was just as testy as his own. He'd adored her and the way she loathed almost everything.

But now that Zuko had bared witness to a different perspective on life, her apathetic gaze almost annoyed him. It angered him, sure, but what didn't these days? And if he were being completely honest, she was now more of a distraction. An appreciated distraction that allowed him to stuff away the constantly racing thoughts that filled his confused head, but merely a distraction.

Now, the two of them sat on a cliffside watching the sunset. It was a view much like the one he'd shared with Kai at the oasis before taking her home for the night. That was the most recent memory that he was allowing Mai to distract him from. He kissed her generously, trying his damndest to fool himself into believing that these were the hungry lips of a free spirited earth bender.

_"Ahem."_ Zuko heard from in front of them, their view of the sunset suddenly obstructed. Mai pulled her lips away from his and before them stood Azula. _"Zuko, could I have a word with you?"_ She asked, though she didn't plan on giving him much of a choice either way.

_"Can't you see we're busy?"_ Zuko snapped. His face turned back to Mai's and he started to lean into her again before Azula's nails-on-chalkboard voice broke through the moment of silence.

_"Oh Mai, Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid."_ It was a poor, obvious lie, but Mai wouldn't dare disobey the Fire Nation Princess. That was one of the bigger things that Zuko had found irritating about Mia, that she never failed to ask "How high?" the moment Azula told her to jump. This time was no different. His fill-in girlfriend replied, more cheerfully than usual, _"Sounds pretty serious."_ and left the two of them alone to discuss whatever it was Azula needed to speak to him about.

_"So, I've heard you've been to visit your Uncle Fatso in the prison tower."_

Zuko thought he'd made it perfectly clear to that guard that his visitation hours were strictly confidential. Apparently not. He stood to his feet, knuckles balled into a fist with rage. _"That guard told you."_

_"Nope, you did. Just now._ " She smirked. Zuko realized that he'd fallen for that one too easily. He slumped back down against the boulder with his arms crossed and sulked, _"Okay, you caught me. What is it that you want, Azula?"_

Her mischievous smile darkened as she cut her eyes at her brother. Azula didn't give a shit if her idiot older brother was visiting the crazy old man while he rotted away. Hell, she didn't even really care if they were plotting an unsuccessful coup of their own. But what she did care about was the sanctity of her home, and of all of the Fire Nation. She wouldn't stand for it to be contaminated.

_"A guard outside of the prison tower was found choked unconscious a few nights ago. When I reported to the medic ward to hear his statement, he described someone that sounded faintly familiar.. Long braid, two swords, unnaturally green eyes."_ She cocked an eyebrow. _"Ring any bells?"_

Every hair on Zuko's body stood on end. A radiating tingle went up his spine. Kai'd promised to fulfill her end of the universe's plan for them, but part of him hadn't really anticipated her traveling all this way. Suddenly Zuko felt the overwhelming sensation of being watched from every direction. Like no place was safe.

_"That's impossible."_ He lied. _"There's no way Kai could have made it all this way on her own."_

_"Oh so that's who 'Kai' is.. The girl from the catacombs. You two seemed awfully familiar with one another. Or at least that's what the water tribe girl thought when she spilled about how she'd caught the two of you sneaking around together."_

Much like Iroh had done to him a few nights prior, Zuko didn't bother responding. He turned his nose up, refusing to admit that he'd indulged in a bit of self satisfaction when he was supposed to be working diligently to restore his honor.

_"Did you bring that filthy commoner back to our kingdom, Zuko?"_ Azula nearly hissed at him as she asked.

More than anything, Zuko felt the overwhelming desire to fire blast the girl off of the mountain. Filthy commoner. He'd seen plenty of "filthy commoners" all over the world by now, and Kai was not one of them. But the insult still struck a nerve.

_"Of course not!"_ He spat, though he remembered offering during the peak of their last duel.

Azula looked her brother up and down, from head to toe, feeling out his trustworthiness. A long, tense silence clung to the air between the two of them.

_"Very well, then."_ She said, turning on her heel, _"Believe it or not, I am looking out for you. If people find out you've been to see uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. And if father found out you were a blood traitor..."_ She shook her head in shame and _tsk, tsk, tsk-ed_ her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Just be careful, dum-dum."

* * *

Zuko waited in hiding that night behind the prison tower. He slipped the hood of his dark robe over his head and made himself comfortable behind the shadow of a boulder. He just had to see for himself.

The night dragged on. For hours, all he could hear was the bubbling of magma from the volcano and the screaming of summer locusts. The notion that Azula had merely been lying to him entered his mind, and he cursed himself for falling for her tricks yet again. Until he heard the pained grunt of someone nearby. Zuko peeked over the boulder, a shadow scaled the side of the tower.

Kai sat on the ledge for a moment to allow her damaged muscles some rest. Iroh laid on the ground below her. He was doing push-ups against the cold prison floor. She dropped down behind him, once again sure to land on her uninjured leg.

_"You're looking thinner already."_ She said.

Iroh stopped his workout and rolled over onto his back, lifting himself up into the sitting position. He'd been moving his muscles for three days straight, only stopping when the guards entered to throw slop at him or to sleep for just a few hours at a time. He looked Kai up and down and. She still looked slightly malnourished and her skin was paler than it'd been a few days ago. Her movements were stiff and slow and painful to watch.

She dropped her bag over her shoulder and pulled out a couple of small boxes. Bento boxes. One for him and one for her.

_"Where have you been? Where did you get these?"_ He asked without really caring where they'd originated. Anything was better than the food he'd been forced to eat off the dirty floor.

_"The Fire Lord's estate. That place is so massive, I don't even really have to hide. All I had to do was bat my eyelashes at the chef and he was more than happy to give me a few extra portions."_ She passed the old man a pair of chopsticks while gloating about how poor the security actually was around there. They ate in silence for a few moments. It hadn't been said, but they both knew this was the last time they'd meet for a while. Kai wasn't here to fulfill the destiny that her father had chosen for her. Not now, not in this state. She'd just needed to make sure that Iroh was going to get off his ass and be ready to make a break for it come the day of the solar eclipse.

And she needed a friend. One that was unbiased and could still see the good in her, unlike her parents. Unlike herself.

_"How is Prince Zuko doing? If you don't mind my asking.."_ Iroh asked.

Though Kai hadn't needed to hide much at all around the estate, she still chose to sneak. Turns out the Fire Nation uses an ungodly amount of coal, which meant there were plenty of rafters and ducts for her to climb around in. She'd seen Zuko, alright. She'd seen him plenty. Along with the pretty girl that hung off his arm like a brand new, sparkly watch. Their scowls looked like they'd been painted on with the same stroke of a brush, one and the same. And if there weren't already a hole where her heart used to sit, there would've been the first time she watched that polished new piece of jewelry lean in to kiss him.

_"I haven't spoken with him, but he seems fine."_ She told Iroh. It wasn't her place to unload on him about things that shouldn't even matter. Shouldn't, but still did.

They finished their meals and she packed up the boxes to protect him from being caught with them. He offered her a hug goodbye but she shied away from his embrace knowing that the man's growing strength would be too much for her broken body to handle right now.

_"Where will you go?"_ He asked to which she shrugged and responded, _"To find my friends and beg for their forgiveness."_

Kai didn't know where the hell she was headed. The Fire Nation was a massive territory with ruthless citizens. She'd have to lay low in order to avoid any confrontations, fighting would be too dangerous in her current state. Iroh feared for the girl but he knew he couldn't very well keep her locked in a cell with him.

They bowed in place of a hug and like before, she slipped through a cubby bended from the stone at the base of iron bars, irritating her scorched back even further in the process.

Zuko watched the door swing open and a shadowed figure strut out. He didn't believe it to be Kai. Not his Kai. Her steps would never betray her like this stranger's was. No, he vividly remembered being hypnotized while watching her wander through the streets of the lower ring, hips swaying like a silk scarf in the wind. But the blades that clung to her spine were a trademark that forced him to believe the inevitable. Zuko creeped behind her, his footsteps masked by the searing pain that pulsed through her body.

It _was_ her. It was her long, loose braid and her burlap backpack full of everything she had to her name. It was her rich olive skin and thin fingers that were filed down to a dull point. It was her, and she was headed straight for the guard that was on high alert for an intruder.

Zuko began closing in on her. He didn't know what he was going to do once he got there.. in fact, there was a loud voice in his head telling him to fuck off, she threatened to kill you. She tried to turn you away from everything that's rightfully yours. Let her get burned alive. But as the distance between them closed he could see that she already _had_ been burned. Badly.

He reached out and gripped the girl's shoulder forcefully, feeling his palm sink into her skin. Well, where there used to be skin. In a second, she was on her knees. Intense pain ripped through Kai's body. Her mouth opened to let out a scream but was silenced by Zuko's other hand, saving them both from the alert ears of the guards nearby.


	24. Iodine

_"Fucking spirits, Kai, what are you doing here?!"_ He whispered, lowering himself to the ground with her so that they couldn't be heard by anyone besides each other. Her wounds radiated heat that even he could feel. Zuko saw now that her robe was tattered and through the burn holes her flesh glowed a bright, angry red. He ripped his hands away from her body, terrified that he was going to accidentally injure her further.

_"It's just me! What the hell happened to you?"_ Zuko was more so speaking to himself. In an instant he'd made up his mind to force it out of her who did this, and if they were an employee under _his_ estate, they were to be punished. Privately, of course.

_"Nice to see you, as well."_ She said. Her voice shivered when she spoke, along with her spasming muscles. _"I just came to visit Iroh. I'll be on my way now, if you don't mind."_

He certainly did mind. This was _not_ the girl that'd challenged an Earth Kingdom soldier to a duel within moments of them meeting, this wasn't the Kai that could hold her own in a city of strangers as well as behind closed doors. This girl could barely even pull herself to her feet. Zuko draped her arm over his shoulder and wrapped his hand around her waist, helping her up when her own body failed to do so.

_"You're hurt. Who did this?"_ He continued to ask. The anticipation of finding out if she was really here had faded into the night, along with the memories of her swinging both blades at him without mercy. All that remained was concern for her wellbeing and unfathomable anger that he hadn't been there to rip whoever did this to shreds.

_"You're asking an awful lot of questions for someone that should be in fear for his life."_ Another pained grunt escaped her throat.

_"Yeah, you look like a real threat right now."_ He said, allowing her to hear every bit of his sarcasm. If she were in any position to defend herself, she would've done it already. Instead she had no choice but to allow him to corral her off the narrow path that led toward the guards. He walked her back down the beaten boulders from which he came, keeping both of them hidden from wandering eyes.

_"Where are you taking me?"_ She asked without objecting.

_"To safety."_ He replied. _"You rendered a guard unconscious, idiot. They're expecting you now. You'll be sent to the firing squad if they catch you."_

She gave him a forced chuckle, _"I'd love to see them try."_

_"Ugh. Shut up."_

At least she was in good spirits.

They arrived at the foot of the palace and Zuko stopped. He'd more or less been dragging her along down the volcano. They were almost in the clear, but now there was no way to keep her hidden on the short journey up to his room. All he needed was for his sister or anyone remotely loyal to his father to catch them sneaking through the corridors.

_"What are you doing??"_ She asked, fighting against his hands that were tugging something like a blanket over her shoulders.

_"Draping my cloak over you so you won't be seen, stop fighting me!"_ He raised his voice at her for the first time. Even then, it was nothing more than a small shout muffled by clenched teeth. But it worked.

Kai stopped resisting his efforts to conceal her identity and let the cloak's hood fall over her face. It clung to the exposed muscle on her back, sending more pin prick sensations through her body. Zuko grabbed her by the arm rather tightly, afraid that she would flee given the chance.

_And what would I do even if she did take off? Run after her? Drag her kicking and screaming to safety? Turn her in to my father?_

All of those questions raced through his mind while his legs moved on instinct. They made it to his wing of the upper floor. His own personal wing, where his old bedroom sat and his private wardrobe. All the things that he'd missed dearly during his extended departure. Now he simply scoffed at them. They seemed so.. pretentious.

Zuko shuffled her into his bedroom and closed the door as quietly as possible, latching it shut behind him. Here it was, his chance to show everything off to her like he'd dreamed about doing a time or two. Except he now understood that it didn't matter one bit, she wouldn't be impressed either way.

Zuko pulled the cloak off of her and already he could see how roughed up she was.

_"Fucking spirits.."_ He whispered. His hand reached out to stroke a sickly green bruise that stuck out from the others on her forearm, but she ripped her limb away.

_"I'm not gonna hurt you."_ He said.

_"I know you aren't."_ Kai snapped back, a sudden strike of ferocity had re-entered her body. _"I don't want you to touch me."_

_Ouch._ Zuko rounded her body and saw what it was that had pained her so badly as to bring her to her knees. Deep, oozing burns streaked her upper back and over her shoulders. He reached out again, slower this time, and barely brushed the skin around them. She winced and recoiled instantly.

_"These burns look infected. Have you not washed and dressed them??"_ He asked. The only burn he'd ever suffered as bad as these was the one that left a scar on his face for the whole world to see.

_"I'm not a contortionist. I can't reach my back very easily."_

The sass. How could he have forgotten it already?

_"I need you to take this off."_ Zuko began helping himself to the collar of her robe. She needed medical attention, and he wasn't going to let her leave without it.

_"I don't think s—"_ She began and tried again to pull away from his grasp, but she was in no state to be challenging _anyone_.

_"It wasn't a request, Kai."_ He growled. _"You're allowing your wounds to get infected which is the equivalent of committing suicide, but in a pretty painful, slow, and_ ** _stupid_** _fashion. And you may be pissed at me, that's understandable, but right now I'm trying to_ ** _help_** _you."_

Their eyes met in a standoff. She waited for the familiar anger to bubble up out of her darkest crevices again, but it never came. The infection taking over her body was stronger than whatever hid behind her shadow. After a long moment of silence, Kai reluctantly accepted defeat.

_"Fine."_ She hissed.

Zuko unbuttoned her gown quickly. Every inch that it slid down her body revealed a new mark, each one uglier than the last. Besides the burns — those took the cake by a long shot. She stood stark naked in the middle of Zuko's oversized bedroom with her arms dangling at her sides. Never had she felt so exposed.

_"We need to wash the deeper burns out first. The smaller stuff can wait."_ His eyes fell on the wound that braceleted her ankle. Dried blood covered her heel from days of walking on the cauterized heel. He shook his head involuntarily and it reminded Kai far too much of any stranger that'd ever caught a glimpse at her scars. They always reacted the same, shaking their heads as if to say _"What a shame.. she'd be beautiful if it weren't for her marks."_

_"Don't you dare feel sorry for me."_ She said. _"I wanted answers and I got them. That's all that matters."_

The shift in her otherwise bubbly personality was otherworldly. His head shake turned into a nod and he motioned for her to follow him into the large washroom connected to his sleeping quarters.

Kai stood in the doorway with her arms hiding her chest as water poured from a faucet. Cool water, she could tell. Zuko kept his fingers in the stream to make sure it stayed the correct temperature.

_"You need to wash those out with flowing water for at least twenty minutes. Get in."_ Another order. Had he always been this bossy? No. She didn't think so.

She crossed the room and stepped into the tub, taking a seat surrounded by chilled porcelain. Her arms folded against the edge and she leaned forward, giving him free access to some of the worst pain she'd ever endured. Zuko kneeled next to the tub and cupped his hands underneath the stream, ladling the water onto her back. It stung for a moment but after ten minutes of suffering, relief began to show its face.

_"How did this happen?"_ Zuko asked, speaking in a slow and calm voice as if he were bathing an injured animal.

Kai thought back to the loving embrace that'd betrayed her. The sensation of her skin melting and its stench hitting her nostrils.

_"My mother."_ Was all she said. Zuko stopped ladling water for a small second, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing, and then resumed just as she did. _"She told me that she loved me and tried to kill me in the same breath."_

_"What do you mean, your mother?"_ He asked knowing good and well that this girl was one hundred percent Earth bender.

She nodded her head that rested against crossed arms, looking forlorn at the wall standing far away from them. _"Turns out she's one of you guys. I guess I should've expected to get burned."_

Zuko pulled the stopper to allow the blood diluted water to drain but kept the water flowing. Her swollen, limp wrist caught his eye next.

_"What about your hand?"_ He asked. She attempted to stretch it but a dull tingle shot up her arm in response.

_"I hit my dad."_ Her answers were short, to the point, and importantly, truthful. Kai was tired of lying. She was tired of living multiple lives and hiding who she was. And right now she was nothing but a lost, broken girl with no family to turn to. No friends to have her back. She was allowing someone that may as well be her enemy to bathe her, for fuck's sake. But Zuko didn't feel like the enemy. His touch felt familiar and warm and inviting. She almost _wanted_ it, and a part of her hated herself for that.

He left her momentarily to grab a fresh bar of soap, lathering it under the faucet when he returned.

_"This is gonna sting. Don't hit me and fuck up your wrist even more."_ He said, to which she replied sarcastically, _"Ha Ha."_

Suds ran over her shoulders and caused her to grip the edge of the basin. Her eyes squeezed shut but she pushed through, breathing slowly through her nose. She allowed Zuko to massage the soap into her exposed muscle. Soon the suds were an even deeper red than the water had been. When he was done with her back, he inspected her hands diligently.

_"You're missing fingernails."_ He said inquisitively. She only nodded. Zuko began cleaning the empty nail beds.

_"So what do you think of the place? Now that you've got the chance to see it."_

_"Your estate?"_ She asked. _"I hate it. And I hate your formal clothes and how long your hair's gotten."_

He smiled. Again with the honesty. At least she wasn't dancing around how she felt like everyone else in the palace. Zuko guided her back against the opposite corner of the tub and tapped the rim, motioning for her to lift her leg over the side. Pink water pooled on the floor, soaking the knees of his custom tailored trousers.

_"You can just say you hate_ ** _me_** _. I know that's what you really mean."_ He said while gently scrubbing her heel.

Kai didn't respond. She didn't hate Zuko, not one single bit. As much as she wanted to, it just wasn't in her.

_"I kinda hate it, too."_ He continued. _"I thought that coming back here — that restoring my honor — everything would be great. But I've been angrier than ever since coming home.."_

Zuko kept his eyes cast down from fear of seeing judgement in the girl's features. He could handle it from Azula, maybe even from Mai or his father, but not from her. Not again.

_"Because you didn't restore shit."_ She rested with her elbows thrown over the back of the tub. _"Hate to break it to you, but it seems to me like your dad didn't expect you to find the avatar at all. He was just trying to get you out of his hair."_

Her words cut through Zuko's already confused heart just as easily as her blades had tried to.

_"At least I demanded respect from my father before he stoned me. At least when I saw him again, he bowed at my feet and feared me. What did yours do, Zuko?"_

Zuko had only seen his father once since his return, and he'd been utterly terrified. Because of Azula's selfish lies, his father had welcomed him. But he knew that in an instant, Lord Ozai could change his mind about Zuko's place on the throne. He wouldn't think twice about it. And that scared him even more now than it did three years ago.

_"Fear and respect aren't interchangeable —"_ He tried his damndest to sound angry with the girl for speaking to him in such a manner, but his tone came off very matter-of-fact and he ended up being cut off.

_"You and I know that, but our fathers don't. My dad didn't give a single fuck if I respected him and neither does yours with his citizens. He doesn't with you, he doesn't with your sister, and he doesn't with the people of these nations that you're standing by compliantly watching him invade."_ She sucked in a sharp breath of air as he pressed too hard, finishing her rant with, _"That doesn't sound very honorable to me."_

Zuko tossed the soap into the bottom of the basin and stood to his feet. He was done with this conversation. He was tired of her mixing up his head when he was the one cleansing her wounds and washing her dirty feet, but he still grabbed a towel from the cabinet and held it out for her.

_"Get up."_ Finally, some of the anger he'd spoken of flared up in his voice.

Kai's eyes darted forward from the speck on the ceiling she'd been staring at while rambling. She could see now the tightness in his jaws, the clenching of his fists. Her arms crossed over her chest defiantly.

_"No."_ She said, much like a child refusing to eat their vegetables.

_"That was an order, Kai."_ His voice raised to a low but stern shout.

_"Oh, an 'order'??"_ A sarcastic grin spread across her face and Zuko could now see a spark of mischievousness he'd grown fond of shining in her dull eyes. _"My apologies, Fire Lord Zuko."_ Her hands met as if she were praying and she faked a bow in his direction. _"Let me be a little bit more clear, if I may. My observations have shown me that your statement of "not having any obligations" may not have been entirely accurate. And I'd hate to disrespect the future Queen even further by continuing to reveal myself to her Lord."_

Zuko stood confused for a moment, towel still in hand with his brow furrowed as he racked his brain for any hint of what the hell she was talking about. Then it hit him. His head rolled back on his shoulders and a sigh of recollection pushed out of his throat.

_"You're talking about Mai.."_ He said, more to himself than to Kai. _"It's not.._ ** _We're_** _not.."_ Zuko struggled to both tell the truth and explain his new relationship at the same time. Mostly because he didn't want his words to come out just as jumbled as they felt in his mind. The fact that he couldn't just tell her that she had misjudged the whole situation hurt her more in the end than seeing them kiss had.

Kai lifted herself out of the tub and stepped over the edge, calling an unspoken truce. Zuko handed her the towel and she covered herself, looking shamefully up at him like she regretted pushing him so close to the edge.

_"Dry off. I'm going to get some supplies from the medic ward and laundry."_ He said. She followed him back into the dimly lit, oversized bedroom and sat at his vanity. The towel was tucked taut around her, hiding her body that he'd already explored every inch of. _"Lock the door behind me and do_ ** _not_** _open it until I knock like this—"_ He demonstrated by knocking twice and then scraping his nails against the iron. _"Understand?"_

She nodded and he left, leaving her alone with just her reflection in the mirror, which she was growing to loathe more than anything else.

* * *

Zuko let himself into the medic ward and scavenged through the cabinets for everything he needed. The bottles of tonics and pills clanked against each other, cutting through the quietness of the palace. He found what he needed and shoved everything into his inside jacket pocket.

The laundry was a different story entirely. He'd never been here before, nor did he plan on visiting again. The place gave him anxiety. Piles of mismatched clothing stood like towering mountains around him. This was where everyone in Palace City's laundry ended up at one point or another, everyone from the custodian to Fire Lord Ozai himself.

After panicking for a moment over how he was going to find what he needed, Zuko realized that there was a rhyme and reason to the mounds of clothing. The help's uniforms sat closest to the wall divided up by dirty, clean and folded neatly. In front of it was the guards', then that of any political official that lived on the estate grounds along with their families, and finally his own, as well as his sister's and father's. They were closest to the center because they received the utmost attention.

Zuko rifled through Azula's clothes searching for something that wasn't so extravagant. Something that wouldn't be missed. He finally found a few articles of clothing and tossed them over his shoulder for safe keeping, closing the door quietly behind him as he made his escape.

_"Exploring the palace late at night, Zu Zu?"_ A voice pierced through the silence causing Zuko to jump from fright. He collected himself and could see now that Azula was lingering in the shadows of the corridor.

_"Uh, yeah.."_ He shuffled past her, trying his best not to look suspicious. _"I'm just headed back to my room now."_

Azula's eyebrow cocked with curiosity. _"With my wardrobe?"_ She asked.

Zuko glanced at the garments that laid over his shoulder before turning his face back toward her.

_"They're for Mai."_ He lied. _"She's up in my room and she, uh.. she spilled something on herself. Hope you don't mind."_

His sister looked him up and down through the harsh light of torches that lined the walls, taking note of the soaked knees of his trousers. Who knew that Zuko could be so quick witted. Nervous sweat dripped down the nape of his neck as he waited for her to challenge his lie.

_"Very well."_ She said, strolling past him back toward her wing of the palace. _"Have her return them to the maids when she's done with them."_

Zuko watched her leave, waiting for the slamming of multiple doors that signaled he'd be in the clear. They came and went and he dashed silently back to his room. Two knocks and a light scratching against iron and his bedroom opened up to him. Kai stood inside the doorway wrapped from the chest down in a faded black towel. He corralled her out of plain sight and locked the door behind him. His heart had finally slowed from the fright of nearly being caught.

_"I got you some clothes."_ He tossed the garments over the back of his vanity chair and then began emptying the contents of his pockets onto the bed. _"First we need to dress your wounds though."_

She looked up at him with an expectant expression as if to say, _"okay, tell me what to do."_ Zuko hated to ask her to expose herself to him again, it felt like he was beating her down even more by looking at her naked body now that he'd betrayed her.

_"Sit on the bed."_ He said, but then regretted ordering her around instantly. _"Please.."_

Kai lifted herself up onto the bed and it took every ounce of energy that she had in her. She sat with her legs crossed facing away from him, holding onto the towel for dear life. Zuko's hand brushed the fabric so gently that she questioned whether he'd done it at all, but he had. The towel pooled around her lap.

_"I'm so sorry for this."_ He whispered.

For a split second she thought he was apologizing for her injuries. Her fragile mind pushed for her to snap around and scold him again, to yell in his face that she wouldn't accept sympathy for something that she'd brought on herself. But then she felt her body explode with pain. So much pain that her hands began trembling and a cry rang out through her lips, filling the room. Liquid poured over her back and shoulders that was so dark she thought Zuko had stabbed her. But the liquid was cold, and it stained her skin on impact.

Her body retracted to escape whatever it was he had poured over her but Zuko gripped her around the front of her stomach, forcing her to stay still. He hadn't been apologizing for her abusers, he was apologizing because he knew he was about to hurt her a great deal. So much more than he had when he'd chosen his kingdom over the good of the world.

_"It's just iodine, it's just iodine!"_ He whispered, clenching his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to watch her break. _"I'm so sorry."_ He said. _"I'm so fucking sorry.. It's almost over, I swear."_

After the iodine seeped into her wounds, the pain dulled down. It didn't disappear, but it wasn't the worst that she'd ever endured anymore. Kai wiped the tears from her eyes and waited for whatever it was he had planned for her next. Zuko grabbed a jar filled with a gelatinous material, he twisted off the lid and scooped a large glob into his hand.

_"This is aloe vera. It'll help draw out the heat and might prevent any scarring."_ He said as he slathered the gel over her back. For the first time in a week she felt relief wash over her. She wasn't healed by any means, she could still feel the infection taking hold of her body, but at least she didn't feel like she was going to collapse at any given moment.

Zuko made sure to cover every inch of charred skin. The scars that she'd shown him when they first met looked like freckles compared to what she had now. But somehow he didn't look at these injury of hers the same way he had his own. He didn't view these as retribution for her disobedience like his were. No, these were battle wounds. Tattoos for someone that didn't cower in the presence of her enemies, even when the enemy had a hand in her very existence.

_"She's pretty."_ Kai said.

Zuko snapped out of deep thought and it registered what she'd said. She was talking about Mai again. Guilt creeped under his skin and he wasn't sure which love he was really betraying, the one that'd seemingly been waiting for him for three long years, or the one that the universe wanted so badly to obstruct his vision.

_"She's here. That's all."_ He hoped that she would allow that to be the end of the conversation but should've known better. _"Hold your arms out so I can wrap you."_

She did as she was told but the jealousy that she'd felt watching that girl hang off of his arm pushed her to inquire further. _"I've been here for days, Zuko. I've seen the two of you together. It doesn't look to me like you're just tolerating her."_

She was right. Mai's disdain for life in general may irritate Zuko, but he by no means hated the girl. His heart had ached for her more times than he could count while he sat alone on the deck of his very own ship. He liked her, she reminded him of a time when life wasn't so confusing and he was still ignorant to all of the horrors that this world held inside of it.

But something was missing when he kissed her. Some sort of spark that made his body tingle with childlike excitement. He'd found that spark elsewhere.

Zuko dropped the gauze he'd started wrapping around her chest as frustration took him over. It fell into Kai's lap, she looked over her shoulder to see that Zuko had backed away from her and was holding his head as if this was all too much.

_"What do you want me to say to you, Kai?"_ He asked, his voice wasn't hushed anymore. _"I'm back home but I'm still fucking alone. I asked you to come with me but instead you tried to take my head off and then threatened to kill me. What did you expect me to do?? Wait for you?"_

Kai pulled the towel over her chest and stepped off of the bed, her limbs slightly less rigid now, stalking toward him a few feet.

_"What I_ **_expected_ ** _was to be told the truth about—"_

_"The truth?!"_ He laughed, doubling over before pointing a finger in her direction. _"That's RICH coming from you. You wanna talk about truth?? Then how about we discuss the fact that those "roommates" you brought up so often were actually the avatar and his friends!"_

Something stirred in her chest, something similar to the anger that pushed her to do terrible things, but different. She could still feel the bubbling underneath her ribcage but instead it was the bubbling of unhinged honesty forcing its way up her throat.

_"I didn't tell you about that because I didn't want to stop seeing you, you fucking idiot!"_ She yelled. Life sparked back into her eyes like a lantern being lit on a cold, dark winter night. _"Just like I didn't tell them about you for the same reason! You really think that you're the only person I've been lying to??"_ A laugh of disbelief huffed out of her mouth. _"I've been lying for the past three goddamn years and it's been to protect myself from losing everyone around me. Because who in the hell wants to be friends with a girl that was born to kill? Who in their right mind would want to be involved with a murderer?? So yes, Zuko, I lied to you. I lied to you because I didn't want to fucking lose you, too. But at least I didn't lie about my goddamn intentions."_

Zuko's jaw opened but no words came out. Everything that she'd just unloaded onto him was exactly what made him crave her company over anyone else's. _That's_ what was preventing him from giving himself fully to Mai. That zest for life had crawled under his skin and infected his soul without him even noticing it.

_"She's not you."_ He said, his arms shrugging in defeat. _"Is that what you want me to admit? She's not you and she'll never be you but she distracts me from the fact that I feel like a stranger in my own home. Are you happy now?"_

The urge to cross the room and kiss him flooded her senses. Kiss, slap, and then kiss him again, that's what she wanted to do. But Kai couldn't. She respected herself too much to be the other woman, that would only end with all three of them hurt.

Two or three tears slipped past her eyes and she turned away quickly, picking up the roll of gauze and tossing it to him. _"Just wrap me, please."_ She said as she took her place back on the bed.

Zuko gave up. He wrapped her in a binder of gauze and then rounded the side of the bed, joining her on the mattress and taking her injured hand. He splinted her wrist and wrapped it as well.

_"Lay down, give me your leg."_ It was the first that either of them had spoken and yet they both understood that there was no anger lingering between them, only frustration.

Kai moved to the head of the mattress and he took her foot in his lap. The iodine hit her skin again but it didn't hurt as badly this time, the aloe soothed any pain that remained. Zuko wrapped her foot and ankle, all the way up to her lower calf.

He struggled to keep his eyes from wandering up the inside of her thigh. The towel that was draped loosely around her waist shadowed any view he would've had anyways. Still, his thumb stroked the bruise on her calf absentmindedly. Kai's breath caught in her throat as she felt his touch. She wanted to jerk her body away from him, but her mind screamed at her that this was what she needed. After being rejected by her mother and Katara, she craved raw affection more than anything.

She didn't stop him. Zuko's eyes met hers and he could see that she felt the same unique loneliness as him. His hand moved down her leg, elevating it as he leaned down to kiss the skin inside her knee.

Kai rolled her head back on the feather pillows as she relished in both the warmth of his lips and the guilt of being so weak. Zuko lowered himself onto the bed between her legs, kissing slowly up her thighs. He was careful not to brush any healing bruises. She felt his fingers travel up her sensitive skin and begin to pull the towel from around her waist.

A small tear threatened her eyes as she decided that this wasn't her. She couldn't do it, no matter how badly she needed him.

Her hand cupped Zuko's face, forcing him to look up her body and into her eyes.

_"I will not be your concubine, Zuko."_

It hurt her just to say the words, but that's exactly what he'd be turning her into. Concubine, mistress, whore, whatever you want to call it. Right now, he didn't belong to her and she only belonged to the demon inside of her.

_"I'm sorry."_ He said for the tenth time that night. Zuko rolled off of her and to his feet, gathering the clothes he'd stolen and sitting them on the bed close to her hip. _"Put those on. You've lost some weight so I think they'll fit. Have you been eating?"_

The pain of denying him was only made worse by the worry he still expressed for her. She began pulling on a pair of underwear while Zuko grabbed the last bottle that he'd taken from the medic ward. He crushed a few pills and mixed them with water from the faucet in the bathroom.

_"Drink this, it'll get rid of the infection."_ He handed the glass to her and she drank it all down, feeling the bitter pill residue scrape against her tongue.

Zuko started unbuttoning his jacket, remembering her comment about hating everything new about him.

Kai watched him undress from the bed as she fumbled with the robe he'd given her. Her fingers seemed unable to work together with her mind in order to unbutton the damn thing. She shifted her eyes down, but the room lagged. Like her eyes were out of sync with her vision.

_"Whad youu..."_ Her words slurred and the room began to tilt. She felt like she was about to lose what little food she had in her stomach. _"What wsss tha.."_

Zuko rushed over to catch her as her knees began to give out. He guided her back onto the bed, pulling the sheets up over her.

_"I gave you a really, really strong antibiotic. You're gonna be out of it for a day or two. I knew you wouldn't take it if I told you what it was, but it's for your own good."_

His words fell on deaf ears. Kai's eyes rolled back in her head and her body went limp. She was out cold.


	25. A Bird With Clipped Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** NSFW *****

I laid on the floor that night without getting so much as a wink of sleep. How could I when there was so much work to be done, so much to keep track of? Like keeping track of Kai’s breathing for example. I counted it intensely for hours, syncing mine up with hers so I would know if it stopped. I’d never noticed before then how slowly she breathed. Sometimes it would speed up though, almost to a pant, like she was running. Or maybe she was sobbing.

Kai mumbled a few times, words I couldn’t decipher or put any meaning to. “Witch doctor” “Nero” and “Shin” were a few of them. I pulled the sheets off of her to make sure I hadn’t missed any burns on her shins, but there was nothing there. 

The sun began to rise and sleep was just starting to creep up on me when I sat up with sudden awareness. I thought that maybe someone was coming, that she wasn’t safe there. But when I glanced over at my bed, I saw that she’d only kicked the sheets off of her. Her body gleamed with a thin layer of sweat.

_“Mm hot..”_ Kai grumbled through her dreams. Her skin had been a sickly pale shade the night before, now it was tinted pink and she radiated heat.

_“That’s because you’re sweating out the infection.”_ I said, and covered her back up. She’d be uncomfortable, but it protected her dignity. Plus I wasn’t about to try to pull a robe over dead weight and hope for the best.

A few hours later a member of the help knocked on the door asking why I’d missed breakfast. I cracked it open and barely left enough room for them to see the irritability on my face.

_“Long night.”_ I said and snuck a glance over my shoulder. Kai’d lost so much weight in just a month’s time. I knew I wouldn’t be able to force feed her, but maybe she’d have the energy to eat something on the off chance that she gained consciousness. _“Bring me up a tray of fresh fruits and a pitcher of ice water.”_

An hour later, it was waiting outside the door. That was one of the things that I refused to feel guilty about having back, food on demand. No begging or stealing, all I had to do was say the word and it was served to me on a silver platter.

Apparently the smell of brunch did something for her, she was stumbling out of bed before I could even close the door behind me. Her legs were still too weak though and they gave out under the pressure of her weight. She folded in on herself, hitting the floor like a limp rag doll.

_“You drugged me..”_ She whispered. The knot in her braid had come loose and her hair was untangling over her shoulders.

_“No I didn’t.”_ I said. Instead of picking her up, I joined her on the floor with the tray sitting between us. _“I told you last night, I gave you a really strong antibiotic. You’ll feel like shit for at least the rest of the day, but at least you won’t die.”_

She chugged the pitcher of water. All of it, every last drop, and then began chewing on the ice chips. _“You’re trying to keep me captive.”_ She said. 

While her body was mildly functioning, her mind was still in dreamland. She wasn’t conscious at all, may as well have been sleep walking.

_“I’m trying to keep you alive, Kai. Now eat.”_ I nudged the tray closer to her and she took notice of it for the first time. Cantaloupe, that was her choice. She scarfed down every slice and then licked the juice off of her fingers before deciding that she’d had enough. Her head started to droop back down against her chest as her body fell back asleep. 

When lunch time rolled around, I had to leave her. I fought my departure until the very last second, it wasn’t safe, but it would look suspicious if I stayed locked in my room all day. I had appearances to keep up with now, after all. So I lifted her back onto the bed and let her remain uncovered this time, knowing that it would be nightfall before I saw her again.

Sadness managed to sneak up on me through all the hostility that’d festered and reproduced over the past few weeks. I stood over the mattress admiring her form. The way her arms tangled together above her head, almost forming a halo. All of the old scars on her body, the ones that she’d gotten long before our falling out. She wore them with such grace. I didn’t see them the same way I saw my own, no, hers were earned badges of valor. Beyond that laid things that the more selfish part of me adored. Like the dip of her waist that curved into her hips, and the spot where her thighs met even though she slept with one knee crooked outward. 

_Maybe in another life.._ I told myself and turned toward the door, only to be stopped by a gust of wind blowing past my palm.

_“You leavin’?”_ She asked in the fucking sweetest voice I’d ever heard. My heart skipped a full beat and if she would’ve just asked me to stay, nothing in this universe would’ve been able to convince me otherwise. My legs would’ve become nailed to the ground and mind set on never leaving her side. That breeze had been her hand swatting at mine. I could see now her limp fingers dangling off the edge of the bed, her splinted wrist pointed toward me.

_“I have to show my face or else people will talk.”_ As if they didn’t talk already. I knew what people said in whispers behind their palms, they still didn’t think of me as worthy to wear a crown, and neither did I.

Kai’s lips pouted for a moment and then she sucked in a small breath, stuck her tongue out, and blew a loud raspberry of disapproval. Signed _“yours truly”_ by her limp fingers curling into a fist and pointing her thumb down. Such a stupid fucking thing to swoon over, but I did. My heart melted into a warm puddle of goo and I smiled without bothering to hide it, her eyes were closed anyways.

_“I’ll be back later. Don’t open this door for anyone, got it?”_

She waved her hand haphazardly in response, more or less telling me to fuck off. I left the room and closed the door behind me, but stared at it for a good five minutes before deciding that this wasn’t good enough. This iron door wasn’t anywhere near enough to keep her safe. If _anyone_ found her, anyone at all — she’d be dead before I even had the chance to stop it. 

My hand heated up quickly and a feisty little flame grew from my fingertip. _This is inhumane, this is borderline kidnapping!_ I hissed at my thoughts to shut up, that this was the only way to make sure she was safe. I brought the flame to the rivet between the door and it’s frame, sauntering them together into one solid piece of metal.

I looked at the poor welding job with disgust. She wasn’t a fucking animal, yet here I was locking her up in an cage.

_She’ll be asleep all day. She won’t even know._

I turned my back on the temporary prison cell masked as a bedroom and started toward the garden, where Mai was expecting me. 

* * *

Kai stumbled out of bed less than four hours after Zuko had left her. It felt as if the floor was shifting beneath her feet, her head weighed about a ton and rolled around on her shoulder, her body burned. Every inch of her ached from the pain of healing wounds. It took her a second to remember where she was, but it came back to her.

_I’m in the Fire Nation Capital.. I’m in Zuko’s bedroom.. And holy fuck, am I in pain._

She stumbled to the chest of drawers across the room, cursing every time she took a step, and flung every last cubby open. There had to be something there to take the pain away, _anything_ , she couldn’t bear to spend the rest of the day feeling like this. 

Nothing. Not a single thing that could be of any use to her. She refused to believe that someone as bitter as Zuko didn’t indulge in a bit of self medicating every now and then. Her blurry vision passed over her body. Shades of black, blue, purple and yellows were fading into her skin.

_I’m still half naked. I never put on the robe last night._ She thought internally.

The robe. Kai scanned the room and she found it still lying at the foot of the bed, crumpled into a heap along with the blankets that she scarcely remembered shoving off of her. It was a challenge to slide her arms through the sleeves, but it happened. The robe covered every bruise and gauze, besides the one on her foot.

The door though, that was another story. She gripped the knob with all of her might, which wasn’t very much at all, and tugged. But it was like one solid sheet of metal. Her fingers traced the spot where the door met the frame and she could still feel the lingering of heat. 

_That son of a bitch.._

She pressed her palms firmly against the surface, connecting mentally with the element used to mass produce the barrier. She pushed so hard that it made her nauseous and just as she was about to give up.. it budged. Just enough to reignite that spark of hope. 

Kai pushed again on the rivet closest to the doorknob, it gave way easier this time. She repeated the action on three sides of the door until it creaked open noisily on its hinges.

Now what? She knew it would be idiotic to start toward the medic ward at this hour, that place would be bustling with nurses and guards that wasted their time flirting with them. She flipped through the Rolodex in her mind, filing through all the rooms she’d explored while sneaking around the palace. Dozens of empty guests rooms, sitting rooms, the library, study, prison tower, kitchen—

_The kitchen._ That lonesome chef that was twice her age and had all but melted when she batted her long eyelashes at him. He’d eagerly given her whatever she wanted on more than one occasion already.

Kai pushed through the pain of her nearly severed achilles and forced herself to walk steady, even managed to put a little swing in her hips as she strolled through the corridors. She peaked around corners and remained as quiet as a mouse until she made it down to the kitchen.

There he was, swallowed up in tables and cabinets of stainless steel. His face reflected off of the surfaces as he prepared dinner for the Lord and whoever he planned to entertain that night.

Kai stepped lightly into his kingdom, leaning forward against a nearby table both for relief and to feign seduction.

_“Whatcha cookin’ up, Norio?”_ She asked, startling the man. 

His butcher knife came down hard against the cutting board as he jumped out of his skin. 

_“You scared the life out of me, girl!”_ Norio scolded, though his face was still soft. Kai huffed with pained laughter and soon he was infected with the giggles as well. _“What are you doing down here this early, anyways? Dinner isn’t for another two hours.”_

She rounded the table and joined him, bumping her hip playfully against his. _“It’s burning up outside and I’m bored. Just thought I’d come see what the best chef in the palace was up to.”_

Kai hadn’t so much as looked at herself in the mirror, she prayed that he didn’t see her as disheveled as she felt. Still, she looked up into the man’s mocha colored eyes that matched the shade of his short beard. Norio was by no means an unattractive man. In fact, she found him to be quite handsome in a rugged, strapping sort of way. His personality was the exact opposite of his appearance. The few times she’d met him behind those closed kitchen doors, he’d been nothing but friendly and accommodating. 

He was no different now, though she noticed the way he lost his breath when she scooted in close to him. Norio assumed Kai to be royalty, why else would a girl so young and pretty be wandering around Palace City? She allowed him to believe that. It kept his attraction toward her at bay, much like how her father’s men kept their distance before he no longer claimed her as his daughter.

_“This kitchen is no place for a nobleman’s daughter. Surely your father has taught you that.”_ He reluctantly broke free from her gaze and brought the cleaver down again, cutting up a long slab of prime beef that would be served as hearty steaks later in the evening.

_“He did.”_ She lied. _“Maybe I just enjoy the company.”_ He glanced down at Kai just in time to see her playful wink. Laying it on thick, it’s what she was best at. But Norio had been around the block a time or two. Hell, probably a hundred times, judging by the thickness of his forearms.

_“What do you want?”_ He asked with no malice. She smiled back at him, knowing that he was hers. All hers, if she wanted him. And a part of her did want him. Not just him, anyone that could make her feel anything. But right now all she needed was what he had access to.

_“I got hurt during training.”_ Another lie. She lifted her ankle up for him to see the gauze wrapped tight around it. It was dirty with pus and the lent of Royal bedsheets. _“Got a little something to take the edge off?”_

He snickered and turned away, _“There’s decanters full of wine all over this palace. Have your go at any one of them.”_

The limp in her step came in handy, though she may have exaggerated it a tad as she stood blocking his path. Norio was right, the Fire Nation loved their red wine. And it would’ve done the job if she didn’t mind having breath that reeked of a rotten vineyard and being too hungover to function the next day. 

_“Please?”_ She asked in the sweetest, most desperate voice she could muster. He held onto her gaze for a long while, trying to break free from the hold she had on him. It wouldn’t work, Kai knew it wouldn’t. She could feel the magnetic pull of his affection and saw the slightest diversion in his eyes as he glanced at her pouty lips. 

_“Fine.”_ He said. _“But you take your poison here and this stays strictly between_ **_us_ ** _. Understand?”_

Kai grinned a satisfied cheshire smile and stepped out of his way, falling deeply in love with the bottle of amber colored whiskey that he returned with. Norio took his shots with her, surprised by the lack of grimace on her face and the way she instantly held her glass out for another, and another, and another. He cut her off after five. Soon she wouldn’t be able to feel a thing. 

_“You should get going.”_ He said, now tipsily paranoid at her presence. _“I’ll be sent to the firing squad if anyone catches you down here.”_

_“We’d be burning together, my friend.”_ She stood on the tips of her toes just to deliver him a fat kiss of appreciation on his cheek, then strolled out of the kitchen. No longer stumbling from pain but now floating on cloud nine. 

* * *

It took ages to make it back to Zuko’s wing of the Palace. Or at least that’s how it felt. The whiskey Kai’d welcomed into her empty stomach hit her fast and hard, she’d had to crawl up the last flight of steps just from how dizzy it made her feel. The twisted, bent up door greeted her at the end of the final hall and in her harmonious state, she spoke to it as if it weren’t inanimate. 

_“Ope, there you are.”_ She said to her old iron friend. Kai closed the door behind her and did her best to drunkenly knock the dents out of it. _“There we go. Now Zuko will never even know that I was gone.”_

She pushed the robe off of her shoulders, having grown fond of letting her beaten body air out. This place was so warm, it made her feel like she was constantly sitting around a campfire. She tossed the robe on the bed and lifted herself up onto the plush mattress.

Kai recoiled as she exchanged glances with the reflection sitting across from her. Right there, in the mirror above Zuko’s vanity, was someone that she had never before met in her life. Not once. She touched her own face just to make sure that the girl in the mirror would do the same, and it did. Her thick locks were tangled and matted, she tried running her fingers through them but there was no chance of setting them free. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d washed her hair but was instantly dead set on doing just that. 

Kai stumbled across the room on numb legs, she’d bumped her shoulder against the door frame to the bathroom and giggled, then apologized to the damn thing. Just like her legs, the rest of her body was numb — warm and cozy and comfortably numb. She left the underwear, those that she had no idea who they belonged to, on the floor as she made her way to the clawfoot tub. After a bit of finegaling with the faucet, she finally got it to spout out water that “drunk Kai” found to be the perfect temperature. 

But the binder that Zuko had straight jacketed her into the night before, that was a real challenge. Kai’s stiff muscles wouldn’t allow her to twist her arms backward enough to reach for the lip of the gauze. She tried slipping out of the damned thing, but even with the protection of the whiskey that made her light and invincible, it still felt as if she was being ripped out of her own skin as she lifted the bandage barely up to her chin. 

_“What the_ **_fuck_ ** _are you doing?!”_ Came a voice from the attached sleeping quarters. It sounded more concerned than angry. 

Kai turned on her heel, her arms still lifted above her head wrapped in a contortion of gauze, and smiled at the very confused prince. _“Oh, hello. Don’t mind me. Just trying to take a bath.”_

_“You BENDED my door off its hinges??”_ He asked, motioning toward the door that was far out of her line of sight. 

She tried pulling the binder back down, but that was no use either. Her arms didn’t want to cooperate with her mind and her mind couldn’t seem to figure out the labyrinth that her body had worked itself into.

_“I’m pretty sure I left the hinges intact, but I can’t very well fix it in this position. A little help?”_

Zuko sighed and entered the washroom, taking hold of the makeshift binder and pulling it down over her exposed chest, which she fought against like a deranged woman. 

_“No, I want it off! Get me out of this thing!”_ She yelled in protest and writhed against his grip, which was much more superior now that she was both injured _and_ inebriated.

_“No, Kai, you have to keep your burns covered!”_ He caught her ankles together with his leg, a move that she’d shown him herself. Zuko could smell the malt whiskey on her breath as she tumbled cross-legged into him. _“Have you been DRINKING?!”_

The gauze began unraveling around her, wrapping her up in a spiderweb of confusion. She had no control of her legs and her arms were still hung over her head. Overwhelming aggravation took hold of her and she slumped to the floor, the only thing she _could_ do, and began whining like a child that’d missed nap time.

_“Yes because I was_ **_hurting_ ** _but then I couldn’t get the goddamn binder off and now I just want to wash my fucking HAIR, Zuko!”_ Real tears streamed down her face, as if she’d never wanted anything more than just a hair washing. Zuko let her legs free and looked down at her, naked on his bathroom floor and drunk off her ass. 

He allowed her to have her tantrum, not entertaining it but not stopping it either. When she finally quit sobbing a short while later, she looked up at him from the polished tile floor she’d taken a seat at. Her cheeks had been made rosy from the alcohol and her eyes were thinly glassed over. Her bottom lip pouted.

_“What are you looking at?”_ She asked through a sniffle. Zuko was standing over her with his arms crossed, he broke his stance to turn off the faucet that was threatening to spill over with water.

_“Get in the tub.”_

She didn’t object. Kai crawled to her feet and wobbled as she tried to step over the side of the basin. Zuko rushed to grab her arm, helping her keep steady as she lowered herself down into the almost scalding water.

_“Why are you helping me? I ruined your door.”_ She said. Her legs were folded up against her chest and she hugged them tight, resting her now spinning head against her knees.

Zuko took a seat behind the head of the tub. _“The door can be fixed. I don’t want you to accidentally drown all because you wanted to wash your damn hair.”_ He guided her back gently by the shoulder, careful not to grab any of her wounds. They looked better today, the iodine was doing it’s job nicely. But they still had a long way to go before they could be considered healed. _“Where did you get the whiskey, anyways?”_

Kai held her hair under the water just deep enough to tickle her ears. It felt nice, being surrounded by warmth. Zuko ran his fingers through her long waves, trying his best not to snag the knots that’d formed over her travels.

_“I sniffed it out.”_ She said as she emerged from the pool, turning her head sharply over her shoulder and pressing her index finger against her button nose. _“Badger moles. They were the original earth benders, y’know.”_

The prince snickered, though he felt a stab of pain pierce him right through the heart. He missed her playful attitude bringing change to his day to day routine, and her witty remarks that were both humorous and true. He missed her fiery spirit and antsy feet that craved adventure. He missed _her._

Zuko grabbed a shampoo bar and tilted her head back, working the suds into a lather. He allowed the soap to flow down her back to wash her burns for a second time.

_“Where did you go?”_ She asked with her eyes closed.

He racked his brain for an answer, not wanting to tell the girl that he’d been riding the palenquin with Mai all afternoon. He didn’t _enjoy_ it, even if he hadn’t been in the company of his fill in girlfriend. Zuko couldn’t understand why the men insisted on his feet never touching the ground, but how could he object? This was what he’d dreamed of, what he’d worked so hard for. 

_“I have appearances to keep up now.”_

Her animalistic eyes rolled, _“Boring.”_

_“Yeah, it is pretty boring.”_ He said, cupping water in his hands and pouring it down her hair to wash out the suds. _“I think you would’ve liked it here. If you would’ve come back with me, I mean.”_

Zuko knew deep down that that wasn’t true. Bringing her back had never been an option and never would be, he was only trying to get her to stop attacking him in the catacombs. 

_“No you don’t.”_ She said. _“_ **_You_ ** _would’ve liked it if I’d have come back with you. I would’ve felt like a bird with clipped wings.”_

Kai rinsed the rest of the soap out of her hair and rang it out into the tub while Zuko fetched her a towel. She dried off in the middle of the room and noticed his eyes roaming over her skin while he pretended to be making sure she didn’t slip on the wet floor. She didn’t mind him looking at her naked body, it made her feel a little less damaged.

_“How do you feel now, anyways?”_ He asked while wrapping her again in a binder made of gauze. _“Now that you confronted both of your parents.”_

She thought that coming here, that receiving affirmation from Iroh would’ve filled the gaping hole inside her chest. But it didn’t. She thought that confronting her father and meeting her mother would help mend her as well, but those had only made things entirely worse. It seemed to Kai that whatever darkness she was born with had been sucked right out of her, leaving her hollow and void of anything at all. 

_“Lonely.”_ Was all she said. There was no easier or better way to describe it. The word itself sounded pitiful coming from her drunken lips. 

Zuko’s hand lingered on her back. He was all too familiar with the loneliness she was feeling, it’d haunted him for three long years before he met her. One person can only take so much solitude.

_“I don’t hate you, y’know.”_ She peeked over her shoulder to see Zuko glancing up from his handiwork, confused. _“That’s what you said last night, that I hate you. But I don’t.”_

Kai turned to face him on the bed, pulling the dark sheet over her still bare lap and handing him her ankle so he could get to work on it.

_“You said it yourself, Kai. You hate my clothes and my hair and —“_

_“I hate who you’re pretending to be, yes. But I don’t hate_ **_you_ ** _.”_ She said abruptly. _“I don’t hate the guy that kept me warm in a hay loft the first time we met. Or the one that yelled at me while I knitted sutures into his palm.”_

Zuko snickered over the recollection of memories. All of those things seemed so long ago, like they’d happened in his dreams and the more he woke up, the further away they felt. But it’d only been a couple of months. Summer heat had blessed every second of their budding romance and he wished now that he’d spent more time kissing the salt off of her skin than pretending he was incapable of falling for anyone at all.

_“I don’t hate the guy that served me tea during the day and kissed ale off my lips come nightfall.”_

The air in his lungs solidified, like concrete. Lord, how he wanted to do the same now — to taste the whiskey that lingered on her tongue and then put her to bed. Biblically, of course. He thought that maybe, if he could just have her _one_ more time, the hold she had on his heart would be broken. That she would drop the reins and he could finally give himself fully to Mai, or that all of his doubts regarding his father’s love would disappear. 

_“Why are you doing this to me?”_ Zuko asked, cutting his eyes up at her from his focus on her bandaged ankle. As if _she’d_ been the one to betray _him_ , as if _she_ were the one that’d broken _his_ heart.

Kai looked at him blankly, like she didn’t have an answer. But she really just didn’t have a selfless answer. The emptiness inside of her was worse than the combined pain of Zuko’s betrayal, her father’s disownment and Sergeant Shin forcing his way between her legs. At least then she felt brutally mortal. Lately she felt like nothing at all.

_“Because I need to feel something, Zuko.”_ She said. Her eyes now glassed over with tears instead of intoxication. 

Zuko stood off of the bed and paced the room, wiping the nervous sweat from his brow while his head and heart engaged in a savage tug-of-war over what his body should do next.

_“I’m leaving tonight, you know.”_ Kai knew that the threat of leaving would trigger his protective side. 

And she was right. Zuko turned over his shoulder and growled, _“No you aren’t.”_

_“I absolutely am.”_ She said and threw the sheet off of her lap, moving toward the robe she’d left on the floor. 

Zuko saw what she was going for and rushed toward the gown, grabbing the opposite end of it at the same time as her. She may have still been slightly drunk, but her grip was just as strong as her will. Kai hung onto the robe while her bare feet slid across the floor as Zuko tried to rip it out of her hands.

_“You’re drunk and still recovering. You aren’t going_ **_anywhere_ ** _.”_ As if the Fire Lord’s palace was the safest place for her to be healing at. She didn’t respond to his reasoning, just twisted the silk garment around her fist, forcing him closer to her. 

_“Kai!”_ He yelled, and she mustered up all of the strength inside of her and pulled — bringing Zuko chest to chest with her. Her eyes seemed to illuminate again, like they used to when the two of them played their relentless game of cat and mouse. Kai always the cat, Zuko always the helpless little mouse.

_“Make it worth my while.”_ She said. Zuko again smelled the smooth alcohol melting off of her lips and suddenly felt overwhelmingly intoxicated, spinning in the judgement-altering substance that was _her_.

His fingers inched toward hers on the robe and easily pried their way into her palm, his face instinctively turned to fit hers. Their foreheads met and Zuko tried his hardest to say something, anything, but all he could do was whisper her name. _“Kai..”_ as if silently objecting to his own lips that immediately crashed into hers.

They both dropped the robe. Zuko’s hand found the back of her head and every ounce of anger he’d felt since returning home, he unleashed on the girl. He was hungry for distraction and Kai was starved of love, eager to feed him if it meant reigniting her fire. 

Kai grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him back, wasting no time to slip her tongue into his mouth and push her body against his. Zuko kicked off his steel toed shoes and held her tight around the waist. 

_“We can’t.. We ca—”_ He mumbled during gasps for breath, cut short by her hand roaming down the front of his trousers. She could feel him stiffening against her palm and she squeezed. 

_“Tell me to stop.”_ She said. Zuko was frozen with his hands around her waist and tucked tight into her hair. _“Tell me to stop and I will.”_

He kissed her again, harder this time, moaning into her mouth while she stroked him through his pants. Kai moved toward his waist belt and pulled it loose, slipping her fingers beneath the fabric and down the underside of his cock. Zuko growled and dug his fingers into the small of her back, going rigid against her touch. She lined kisses over his jaw, nibbling on his neck and nursing his soft skin like a thirsty kitten. 

_“No marks.”_ He whispered, and Kai felt a tinge of sadness strike her through the chest. She knew why there could be no evidence of what they were doing, he was a kept man now. 

But sadness was _something_. She was so desperate for mortality that she would rather feel heartbreak a thousand times over again than nothing at all.

Kai squeezed him harder, settling for scraping her teeth against his flesh. Zuko walked her back toward the bed and let himself fall on top of her against the pillowtop mattress.

He sat up between her legs for a moment, pulling his cloak over his head and tossing it onto the floor. Kai pushed his trousers down over his hips, stroking him as he leaned back into her kiss. She’d almost forgotten about how warm he was, how comfortable his body felt against hers. His hands trailed over her hips causing her to melt into the sheets as he ran his fingers through her curls. Her knee bent outward, giving him more intimate access to her. _“Touch me.”_ She begged. _“I need you, Zuko..”_

He moaned again into her mouth, hearing her speak so lovingly made him throb in her grip. Zuko slid his fingers between her thighs and kissed down her breasts. He wanted to explore every inch of her, every bit of her scarred and damaged body if it meant helping her heal faster.

_“I’ve missed you so much, Kai..”_ He whispered against her chest, dipping his middle finger into her sex.

Another blow to her heart, but she loved the pain more than anything. She sat up, forcing him up to his knees. Zuko kicked out of his trousers and underwear as she took the reins. 

_“What are you—”_

Kai forced him onto his back, crawling up his body and straddling his lap. She looked down at him and through the dim light, Zuko could see something new churning behind her irises. 

Lack of control. She’d been grappling for it ever since the catacombs. She leaned down, pressing her body against his and kissed his lips softer this time, stroking the rough texture of his scarred face with one hand. _“I_ **_need_ ** _this.”_

He held her hips and sat her up against his lap, admiring her body. Even with all the burns and cuts, she was still intoxicatingly beautiful. Moreso, in fact. 

_“Take it then.”_ He said. Zuko understood now exactly what she meant. 

The extinguished fire behind her eyes flickered, trying its best to reignite. She pressed one hand against his chest, balancing herself as she reached down and slipped the head of his cock between her slit. 

Zuko fell in love at that moment, watching her head roll back on her shoulders as she slid her body all the way down on his shaft. Her nails dug into his chest for just a second, until she got used to having him inside of her again, and then she came back to life. 

Kai’s spark reignited over the simple act of _finally_ regaining control of her body without any regards as to how it would affect anyone else.

She rode his lap slowly, adoring the sensation of no longer being in immense pain. His hair brushed against her clit every time she took him down to the hilt and it forced a shiver to roll over her body. Zuko ran his hands over her exposed skin, paying no mind to the bruises and squeezing every inch of her thighs and hips.

Her inner walls squeezed him for all he was worth, yet he wanted more. Zuko thrust his hips upward to meet her bounces, closing his eyes so that he could be fully enveloped in all that was _her._ In the ecstasy of having her all around him, of her soft moans and heavy breathing that filled his room, in her hands that were grasping for balance on his chest. He pulled her by the back of the neck down to him, their foreheads meeting and his nose brushing against hers.

_“Fucking — your moans, Kai..”_ He whispered into her mouth. She responded with a breathy half chuckle and tucked her hand underneath his head.

Zuko gripped her ass, holding her down on him. He couldn’t take her for much longer. Kai ground her hips against his lap, digging the nails of her other hand into his shoulder as she laid against his chest.

_“I can’t.. Zuko, I’m —“_ He could hear the trembling in her voice, feel the crescendo that was building to its peak inside of her. This was all he’d wanted, to take away her pain and give her pleasure in return.

He held her close while her body writhed against his. Their heartbeats thumped in time and her thighs shivered around his waist. She contracted around his shaft, milking him until it was too much for Zuko to handle. 

Kai pulled herself off of him at the last possible second, reaching for his cock and stroking him as he spilled onto his own stomach. He reached for her wrist when it became too much, he was spent. She didn’t move from on top of him. Zuko kept his lids rested shut as he caught his breath but he could still feel her eyes surveying him, just like he’d done to her after taking her to bed for the first time.

This was the man that Kai couldn’t seem to stay away from, not the one that she’d watched parade around the palace like he owned the place. This was the one that touched her lovingly and secretly liked to cuddle after biting her neck raw and making her cum around him. She pushed the damp hair out of his face with her fingers and leaned down, kissing him softly on the forehead.

And if that were a kiss of death, Zuko was ready to die. He would willingly embrace the afterlife if it meant the last thing he’d see was her naked, sweaty body on top of his.

Kai lifted herself off of him and made her way toward the bathroom. Running water echoed from the room and she re-emerged a short while later with a glass of water and a wet towel. She handed them both to Zuko and he gulped down the water fast enough to make him belch, and then cleaned himself off. 

Zuko sat with his legs flat off the side of the bed where Kai stood, he wrangled her close to him with his arms wrapping limply around her waist.

_“Did that work?”_ He asked with anticipation, kissing her stomach and then resting his head against her hip. _“Did you feel anything?”_

Kai smiled down at the soft, affectionate boy beneath her. She draped her arms over his shoulder, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. _“I felt everything. Everything, all at once. Thank you.”_

He kissed her hip and glanced up, seeing two of her, and then three. Her bodies seemed to shimmer and become transparent in his blurring vision, but that was okay — she looked like an angel.

_“I fink…”_ He mumbled out, his tongue feeling much too big for his mouth now. _“I fink I.. I wove ruu…”_

Zuko’s head began to roll atop his shoulders and Kai steadied him with one hand on his cheek. The only thing he could see clearly now were her radiant, flickering eyes. The flame behind them was blazing again.

_“Whad ru… what ruu dew…”_

She stroked his skin and guided him by the shoulders onto his back. _“Don’t fight it. You’ll only be out for a day or two.”_

And just like he’d sworn to himself before, Zuko welcomed the perception of Lady Death. Waves of darkness washed over him and dragged him out to a warm sea of slumber, where he dreamed of a girl filled with both darkness and enough fire to light this entire world for the rest of eternity.

* * *

Wakefulness came to Zuko late the next evening in stages. First his body was awake, he sensed his arms shuffling around in the sheets — searching for someone that was not there. Then his eyelids began to peak open, but it took a while to convince his eyes to roll forward and see what was around him.

And around him was nothing. He sat up and his body felt two hundred pounds heavier than it was. His head pounded from sleeping for so long.

Zuko drowsily surveyed his bedroom. The glass cup on the nightstand, the slightly stiff rag on the floor next to his feet, his clothes that were strewn all over the place. His heart ached when the memories started clearing from the fog inside his mind.

He tried to stand, but his legs failed him — just like Kai’s had the first time she woke up. His knees banged against the floor and he crawled forward, pulling himself up by the seat of his vanity on the other side of the room.

The bottle of pills sat on the wood, in the mirror above them were words written by a finger dipped in iodine. Words that took him ages to decipher, but when they finally made sense, his aching heart shattered and fell to pieces.

_Prayers that I’m leaving you just as heart broken as you did me_  
_All of my love  
_ _xx Kai_


	26. Nuclear Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read all the way through for a special surprise!
> 
> ALSO - NEW TAGS CONTAIN SPOILERS! JUST FYI.

Kai stood at a merchant table in an outdoor market, rummaging through potions and ointments — most of them bottled snake oil — trying to find a jar of aloe to soothe her healing ailments. It'd been four days since she'd left Zuko drugged unconscious in his own bedroom. The act of watching him realize what she'd done was almost as invigorating as using him to get herself off.

Still, she pushed his intoxicated words out of her head, telling herself that a drunk mind doesn't always speak sober thoughts. Zuko didn't love her, no one did. But she loved herself, or at least she was trying to, and that was all that mattered now.

If her travels through the Fire Nation had taught her one thing, it was that this place was just the same as the Earth Kingdom when it came down to their middle and lower class. Those that'd been dealt the winning hand in life weren't willing to help the ones below them unless they had something useful to offer. And a pretty girl like her, oh, she had plenty that they were interested in. She realized _that_ before ever even making it to the palace, when she was sipping on a hard cider at a tavern to take the stinging pain in her back away. Not enough to lose herself though, she'd never make that mistake again.

A lovely couple had joined her at a small table fashioned out of a whiskey barrel. They quickly made friendly conversation, asking her where she was from and where she was going — questions that she eluded with mysterious answers. _"I'm from all over and looking to go wherever the wind takes me."_

Kai felt the guy's eyes feasting on the skin below her tattered dress but brushed him off, assuming she was safe with his other half around.

 _"Are you looking for a place to sleep tonight?"_ The raven headed woman asked. Her eyes were as dark as her hair and her lips were painted blood red. Kai took another sip before responding that she indeed was, but she didn't have much to offer for room and board. The woman turned to her partner and whispered in his ear, covering her mouth with her palm.

Kai heard the man's heart thump harder. Before he could even respond, she knew where this was going.

_"We're willing to accept.. 'alternative' forms of payment, if you're open minded."_

She slept in the trees that night and every other night that wasn't spent hiding in the palace. Her own arms couldn't keep her warm like royal bed sheets did though.

_"Did you hear about the explosion?"_

_"No! What happened?"_

Kai's ears tuned in to a nearby conversation between two merchants as she slipped what she'd been looking for underneath her robe.

_"The factory near the fishing village, someone cut right through the piping and a flash tidal wave flooded the building. Rumor is that a local legend called The Painted Lady fought off an entire fleet of soldiers when they confronted the villagers about it!"_

_"The Painted Lady? It's that supposed to be, like.. a spirit of some sort?"_

A spirit come to life? A freak tidal wave? Surely the universe wasn't willing to give her such an easy break after a lifetime of beating her down. Kai nonchalantly strolled away from the table, wandering out of the market and into the thick foliage of the nearby forest.

The forest emptied out into rolling hills that bluffed at the sea. She rode an earth wave there, a small one, as it still pained her to move her shoulders. Less than a mile away over the flat horizon of water, she could see them there. Toph was bending algae while Katara pulled the transparent water the opposite direction.

Kai leaped from the cliff without a second thought about it and the soggy seafloor rose up to catch her halfway through her fall. She ran. For the first time in weeks, even through the pain of her severed heel, she ran full speed over the organic platform toward them.

Sokka was the first to see her. He shaded his eyes with his hand as he spied something skimming closer to them, first assuming that it was another Fire Nation soldier. _"Uh oh, guys.. looks like we've got company."_ He said to the others. They squinted their eyes in the same direction and struggled to see what he only barely could.

As the distance between them closed, Aang was the first to yell out, _"It's Kai!"_

He pushed a gust of wind down toward his feet, sending him somersaulting toward her, meeting the girl on her own platform. She'd never been so happy to see a thirteen year old boy in her life, though the fact that he had hair was off putting. Aang squeezed her, pushing the air out of her lungs, but she held in a pained groan while squeezing him back.

 _"We're so glad you're okay!"_ He mumbled with excitement. She could feel that he was still healing, too, and that his injuries had been far worse than hers.

 _"God, I missed you guys. I hope you understand why I.."_ She stumbled over her words, trying not to let guilt filled tears choke up in her throat. _"I just had to sort some things out — alone. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you, Aang."_

Aang understood completely. He still didn't fully remember what'd happened in those catacombs, but he remembered waking up weeks later to find out that the entire world believed him to be dead. He remembered foolishly sailing off all by himself into the angry sea only to have it show him who was really in charge. Aang understood now that he wasn't the only one fighting unseen demons. Everyone around him was battling a constant war inside themselves — Kai included.

 _"Don't worry, I get it."_ He glanced over his shoulder at the others, noticing how they'd stopped their work and were waiting enthusiastically for the two of them to join. _"Wanna help us clean up?"_

She joined Sokka on the fishing boat he was captaining first, knowing that he was most likely to have already forgiven her. He stood straight backed in front of her, feigning professionalism. Kai held out her arm, praying to whoever the hell The Painted Lady was that he'd accept her unspoken apology.

Sokka grabbed her by the forearm in a proper warrior tribe handshake and pulled her against him. She wanted nothing more than to collapse against the boy's chest and thank him endlessly for always managing to hold their impromptu family together. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, feeling the thinness of the skin on her back. Sokka was sure that he'd be able to count every vertebrae trailing down her spine if he really wanted.

 _"What happ —"_ He started to say without letting her go.

She shook her head against his tunic before he could finish. _"Not now. Please."_

Sokka questioned her response for a brief moment, but then understood. There was a time and place for her to explain her absence, and now wasn't it.

She moved on to Toph next and would stay with her longest friend for the remainder of their time at the fishing village. Kai wasn't sure how Katara felt about her now, and to be honest, she didn't want to know yet. Since the return of her emotions, she'd found them all to be quite overwhelming. She was scared that if Katara's stubbornness went head to head with the anger that was still hiding in her shadows, this entire world might erupt, and she wasn't ready to clean up that mess just yet.

Toph refused to speak to Kai. She turned her nose up and away from the girl as she conjured algae and scum from the river, pretending she didn't even know she was there.

 _"I'm assuming that an apology is going to get me nowhere."_ Kai said, to which Toph didn't respond with a single word.

 _"I know that I hurt you, Toffee. I hurt a lot of people, even after I left you guys. Myself included."_ She began copying Toph's movement, dragging scum across the top of the water and flinging it onto the barge with all the other junk from the river. Toph's cold shoulder sent chill bumps down Kai's arms even in the suffocating heat.

They worked in silence for some time. Eventually the water immediately surrounding them was clear all the way to the bottom, so Kai summoned scum from further up the isle to be cleaned up as well. She herded it into Sokka's net and in the direction of the other benders that were working diligently. Eventually they saw the first signs of life returning to the village.

 _"Where did you go?"_ Toph asked under her breath.

Kai peeked up from her bending to see the girl's cloudy eyes still cast down. Toph _wanted_ to let her friend back in. It was hard though, loving someone that always seemed to run off when the skies began to darken.

_"The Divide. I found my dad."_

_"You did??"_ She asked with a little more than excitement showing in her tone. A mischievous smile spread across her young face. _"Did you make him pay? Did you, did you —"_ Her balled up fist sucker punched her other hand.

Kai reached for Toph's hand with her splinted wrist so she could see the damage she'd taken. Toph got a brief glimpse of the girl's injuries and her smile faded. She stopped working and her face drooped down again.

 _"You can't just keep ditching me, you know. We're supposed to be a family,_ ** _all_** _of us. We take on our problems together."_ Her eyes began to tear up as memories haunted her. Dark glimpses of Kai's light fading as she hurdled off of Appa and into the ocean, almost dragging Toph along with her. _"I thought you'd.. I thought you were gone this time. For_ ** _good_** _."_

Kai had believed herself to be a goner, too. She'd be a liar if she said that the thought of allowing her lungs to collapse under the pressure of the ocean hadn't flashed through her mind. That option had brought her both terror and unfathomable relief. But still, a part of her couldn't let that happen. Not when she still had so much unfinished business.

 _"You're right."_ She said while hopping over to Toph's boat. _"I'm sorry. I know that I have to say that a lot, and it probably doesn't mean shit by now, but it's true."_

Kai held out her hands, like she'd done time and time before, so that the girl could see that she wasn't lying. Toph's tiny fingers brushed her palms, feeling the thick scar that ran through one of them.

 _"I was chasing some stupid fucking dream of having a nuclear family; of having a mom and dad that loved me for who I am and not who I was supposed to be. But_ ** _you're_** _my family, Toph. You and Aang and Sokka and Katara."_ She glanced over her shoulder at Katara, who was pulling water away from algae with Aang. _"Well, maybe not Katara. She's probably still pretty pissed at me."_

Toph ran her thumb again over the surface of her palm. To those that could see, the scar now looked like a thick piece of twine lying just under the surface of her skin. Like a giant splinter had been stuck underneath there and she couldn't be bothered to try and pull it out. To the blind eyes of her friend, it felt the exact same. Coarse and ugly and still healing just a tiny bit.

 _"She could help you. Like she helped Aang, remember?"_ Toph wouldn't speak directly of the other damage that she could see through her mind's eye. She could tell that there were too many raw emotions healing behind them.

But Toph was right. Katara was a healer, and Kai's only chance of bearing skin that didn't look like the tanned hide of a hippo-cow. But uncertainty filled her to the brim, rejection had traumatized her to her core and she didn't think she could take anymore of it.

 _"Just ask her._ " Toph said. _"Katara's stubborn, but it's because she's constantly in "mom mode". The second she learns that you're hurt, you've got her wrapped around your finger."_ She let go of her older friend's hands and, in an instant, bended the last handful of scum from the surface of the river. Toph flung it onto Kai's face and burst at the seams with laughter. _"_ ** _Now_** _you're forgiven. That's what you get for leaving me!"_

* * *

The villagers bid them farewell when all of the cleanup was finished. They saw the gang off, loading up Appa with a satchel full of fish and plenty of purple berries that the bison was apparently already sick of, and then waved at the five travelers as they flew off into the sunset. Aang steered his spirit guide until he found a valley that was big enough to give them a home for a few nights. One that was flat and dry and allowed them the perfect vantage point to anticipate any unwanted guests.

Katara and Aang began setting up their tent. _Their_ tent, Kai noticed.

 _"When did they start sleeping together?"_ Kai whispered to Sokka as she nudged him in the ribs, motioning her head toward the young couple. Sokka just grunted and rolled his eyes. He'd noticed it, too, but wasn't happy with the arrangement.

Kai and Toph bended two plates of earth out of the ground, forming a shelter big enough for the three of them. Sokka got to work gathering firewood and whittling stakes to impale the fish with. Kai casually inched closer to Katara, unsure as to what the best way to approach her would be. Afterall, the last time they'd actually spoken, Katara had been scolding her for being so naive. And rightfully so, Kai deserved that scolding.

 _"Hey, Katara."_ Kai said softly, keeping her distance so as to not invade the girl's space.

 _"Hi."_ Was all Katara responded with. To Kai's surprise, she didn't sound bitter at all. In fact, she sounded just as nervous as Kai did.

Kai rubbed the nape of her neck with her hand, feeling the raw flesh that was sticking to the bandage underneath her gown. _"Do you have a minute?"_ she asked _"I was kinda hoping you could squeeze me in for a healing sesh.. If you have the time, I mean."_

Katara looked across the way at Aang, _"Think you can handle the rest of this?"_ She asked, and Aang nodded before blowing a breath of air underneath the canvas tent, effortlessly opening it up and sitting it back on their claimed campsite.

She waved for Kai to follow her and led the way through the valley, behind a nearby hill where the others couldn't hear them speaking.

 _"Where does it hurt?"_ Katara asked, to which Kai unraveled her splinted wrist and allowed it to lazily flop around unsupported. She took Kai's hand in her own, summoning a bubble of water out of her satchel and around her skin, concentrating on the fractured bone beneath the surface. 

_"Look.. Kai, I'm—"_

_"Don't."_ She interrupted. _"Please don't apologize, I should be the one doing that. You had every right to be angry at me."_

Katara's hands closed around the girl's wrist and in an instant, she didn't ache anymore. Her skin no longer felt like it had loose marbles rolling around just beneath the surface. She clenched her fist open and shut and instead of wincing from pain, her tense muscles slowly begin to relax.

Kai took a seat on the warm grass and pulled the gauze off her ankle. This one was worse. There weren't many secluded places for her to take advantage of an earth wave in the Fire Nation, so she'd been walking on her wound far more often than she needed to be. Katara gasped from slight shock as she witnessed the unbandaging.

 _"I don't... I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can fix this.."_ She said as she leaned down to take a better look at the exposed tendons. But she would still try. Katara joined her in the overgrown grass. Her healing water would have to sit for some time to even make a dent in this wound.

 _"I'm not mad at you, by the way."_ Katara said as the water bubbled and worked its magic. _"What I said back then.. I was just.. projecting my emotions onto you. I shouldn't have let my frustration get the better of me."_

A sad smile formed across Kai's face. She appreciated the apology, but everything Katara said after Aang had been struck down was true. They might not be where they were today if Kai hadn't fallen so easily for Zuko. Or maybe she just wouldn't have taken mercy on him when he'd chosen his birthright.

_"Plus, you were right. He had me fooled, too. That stupid story about his mom.."_

That was where she and Katara _couldn't_ see eye to eye. Kai knew that, while Zuko had a habit of making bad decisions (much like herself), he wanted to be good. Hell, he probably even thought he _was_ good. But Katara still saw him as the enemy. She saw him as a devilish liar that'd fooled not one, but two compassionate teenage girls into caring for him. Kai wanted to change the subject.

 _"So, what's going on with you and Aang?"_ She asked. _"I noticed the two of you sharing a tent.. that's new, right?"_

Katara's naturally tan cheeks blushed a dark crimson red and she refused to meet eyes with the girl. _"What?? Oh, that's nothing!"_ She lied while hiding a smile. _"I just like to stay close unless he needs a late night healing session, no big deal."_

Kai cocked a knowing eyebrow and pursed her lips, _"Yeah? You guys doing a lot of 'late night healing sessions' lately?"_

 _"Alright, next!"_ Katara said. She pulled her healing water away from Kai's ankle, which was now much more comfortable, and glanced back over the hill toward the campsite.

Kai knew what was up. They were young and in love but too preoccupied by the war to get wrapped up in something as confusing as a relationship. If sleeping on top of the same bedroll gave them the peace of mind to keep pushing through these unprecedented times, then so be it. And she doubted it'd gone further than that anyways.

Kai turned her back on the water bender and hesitated to pull her robe down over her shoulders, remembering that Katara and Sokka still didn't know the truth about her origin.

_"Actually, it's okay. We can save this one for another —"_

It was too late. Katara had already caught a glimpse of the old bandages covering the girl's back muscles. Her motherly fingers slipped under the back of her collar, offering her a bigger sample of what lied below.

Katara ripped her hand away for just a moment, but then went back in, pulling the robe down Kai's torso. The gauze was days old and fraying at the edges as it clung to her weeping skin. She used a small but sharp blade of water to slice it down the center, delicately pulling the material from her flesh. Her expression hardened in the dimming evening light and when she spoke, it was the voice of a sabertooth moose lion that'd just found her cub injured. _"Did_ ** _he_** _do this to you?!"_

 _"No, no! It was —"_ Kai clung to the edge of her robe like a child's safety blanket, using one hand to hold the binder to her chest. She tried to come up with some sort of charade, something that would both spare Zuko from further scorn on Katara's part while simultaneously hiding her innermost secrets.

But all things that are born in the dark must come to the light. Kai was the definition of "born in the dark", and part of her coming to the light meant telling the truth. Her tense shoulders slumped and she looked down at her lap, sighing defeatedly as she spoke.

 _"It was my mom."_ She said. _"We met, and, uh.. yeah. It didn't go well."_

Katara's delicate fingers brushed her skin gently. Her eyes got wide with disbelief as she scanned the burns that were just beginning to scab over. _"Your mother.. She did this to you? But how?"_

How could a woman do this to her own child? That was the question running through the water benders mind. She couldn't imagine _her_ own mother scorning her in such a way, not when she'd willingly given up her own life for that of her daughter's.

 _"She's a firebender, Katara."_ Kai said while holding her breath. _"I wasn't hiding that from you, I only found out just before the coup, I swear."_

But Katara could only hear her words in a far off fashion, like she was listening from the bottom of the ocean. She traced the length of the burns that draped across Kai's back and over her shoulders and spoke to herself absentmindedly, _"It's like.. like a hug made of fire.."_

Tears began to sting at the corner of Kai's eyes. That was exactly what she'd been given, a deceptive hug made of flames, meant to snuff her out just like she'd promised to do to Zuko. And it _had_ killed her, in some ways.

Katara summoned the water around her palms, still mesmerized and confused by what her friend had gone through. _"Here, let me see if I can just.."_ The water glowed around her hands as she created a flowing current over Kai's shoulder blades.

The coolness felt nice against her skin. She began to relax and somewhat started to enjoy the therapy session. Until Katara probed deeper. The water then began to warm around her palms, it bubbled slowly as if it were rising to a boil.

 _"There's something.. Ugh, if I can just get deeper—"_ Katara pushed through the pain of the water that was starting to give off steam. Something heavy lay just beneath the surface of Kai's wounds. A tugging sensation spread across Kai's backside, like she was being torn in two from the inside. It didn't hurt exactly, but something still begged her to make it stop. A faint but deep voice at the outer edges of her mind. It sounded desperate and old, like how she'd expected her mother to sound.

As Katara pulled harder, Kai retreated deeper into herself. That voice drew her closer to it, enticing her with promises in exchange for calling the healing session to an end. It swore to stay hidden, to sleep until she asked for it to wake up. To behave if she would just let it stay for a little while longer.

 _"Or We can come out to play.."_ The voice said. _"We can give you strength like you never thought possible, power that beings have bartered their souls for."_

Her arms went limp and hit the ground beside her lap, grasping loosely at the weeds. Her eyes opened but she couldn't see, everything around her was blurry and seemed to melt together. Katara's mouth fell open and her eyes widened as she pulled harder. Sludge seeped out of the open wounds and convulsed as if it were alive when it met the air.

 _"Stop.. stop.."_ Kai mouthed, but no sound came out. Her consciousness was fading away.

Her shoulders slumped and she fell forward, landing face first in the grass and causing Katara to lose the grip she had on the _thing_ inside of her. It slithered back home, back under her skin where it wanted to remain hidden.

* * *

Kai woke up in pitch black. Soft snores and light breathing came from either side of her. She opened her eyes but saw nothing, not even the clear night sky above.

She was in the shelter she and Toph had built hours earlier. The hot, sticky summer air clung to her sweating skin and made her feel like she was suffocating. She rummaged around on the floor beneath her, nothing but a thin bedroll and raw earth, with Sokka and Toph sleeping at either side. Kai stumbled to her knees and crawled out of the stone tent for a breath of fresh air.

She didn't have the energy to make the earth do her bidding, so it took what felt like ages to drag her legs to the crest of the nearest hill. From there, she laid on her back and stared up at the sky. Her worn out eyes quickly fell on the Lupus; the savior or sacrifice that her father had tried to bring to life.

 _"How ya feelin'?"_ A voice asked from behind her. Kai didn't bother moving her head, she knew who it was. Sokka made himself comfortable in the grass beside her.

 _"Just a little tired."_ She said, and suddenly her view of the sky was obstructed. By a charred fish on a stick, of all things.

 _"I saved you some dinner."_ Sokka said. _"You look like you've skipped a few meals."_ Kai finally diverted her gaze to see the water tribe boy glancing down at her. He had a soft, somewhat nervous smile on his face. It was obvious he was concerned.

She sat up and accepted his offer, biting into the fish that they'd brought with them from the humble village. It wasn't great, but it was better than what she'd been eating lately; which was close to nothing. Sokka allowed her to dine in silence. It wasn't the lonely, isolated type of silence that she'd grown used to in the weeks without her friends. No, just a quiet companionship that told her he was there if she needed him.

 _"What happened to me?"_ Kai asked as she chewed the salty meat.

Sokka was hesitant to answer. _"We don't.. really know. I heard Katara scream from the campsite and when we all got there, she was rolling you onto your back."_

She nodded and continued eating. Kai wasn't sure why, but she felt that it was best Sokka didn't know what'd happened to her, even if she herself didn't know either.

 _"You seem.. different, Kai."_ He said. _"I'm not trying to intrude, but you'd tell me if you weren't okay, right?"_

She thought back to the small quarrels they'd had before everything went to shit. When he'd held his boomerang menacingly to her throat after Long Feng tried to turn the gang against her, when he'd scolded her for having a secret relationship with their enemy. Both of those instances had been because he was protecting his tribe. So _would_ she tell him? Kai was a member of his tribe, too. It would only make sense that he'd want to be her protector as well.

 _"Honestly, I'm_ ** _not_** _okay, Sokka."_ She sat the skewer in front of her feet and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. _"I've felt so.. I don't know, lost, since I left you guys.. I thought that by leaving, I could find some puzzle piece that was missing from the big picture. But now it just seems like I dropped half of the pieces along the way and I don't know where the hell they are."_

Sokka nodded understandably. He'd lost plenty pieces of himself over the years. His mother, Yue, Suki, it even still felt like his father was missing half of the time.

 _"You found us, though."_ Sokka said. _"That's a start. And we're gonna help you get through this, Kai. No matter what it is, we're in it for the long haul."_ He stood to his feet and held his hand out for the girl to take. _"Now come on, I think there's still one more fish at camp. Let's get some meat back on your bones."_

She took his palm and he helped her up, then threw his arm over her shoulder.

 _"Have I mentioned that I like the hair?"_ Kai wrapped one arm around his waist for support as they made their way down the hill. _"It looks nice grown out."_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOLLOW @HHHLOOYY ON INSTA. She's an amazing artist and created this piece of our lovely couple. (even tho they're kinda split up rn)
> 
> So, questions. I mentioned a little while ago that I feel inclined to write in a lil Sokka/Kai tension. Buuuuut, now I kinda want them to bang (platonically). Would you guys hate me for that?  
> Thank you to everyone still reading! I love you all endlessly. Chat with me in the comments.


	27. Battle of the Sexes

The gang laid on top of one of the many massive boulders that lived in the valley. It was a clear night with a beautiful navy sky. Kai rested between Toph and Sokka, whispering to her friends of the lore and legends behind each celestial family.

_"Those three stars—"_ She said while pointing Toph's finger in the direction of the constellation, _"That's Aries. He's said to have saved two children from their cruel step mother and delivered them back to their father. He had golden fleece that was harvested and given to the Gods after his death."_

_"What's that one?"_ Aang asked, pointing to a group of seven nearby stars.

_"That's Cygnus, the swan."_ She said. _"His friend drowned during a friendly racing competition. Cygnus begged the Gods to help him save his best friend, so they made him an offer; give up his immortality and become a swan, or allow his friend to perish. He chose his friend's life."_

_"That doesn't sound like a very fair trade. Who the heck would wanna live as a freaking goose??"_ Sokka said.

_"He became a **swan** , Sokka." _Katara replied. _"And he did it to save his friend's life. You wouldn't give up immortality to save one of us?"_

Sokka thought for a moment and then shrugged, _"Eh!"_

This went on for some time, Kai telling them stories and the gang asking questions. It reminded her of when she'd do the exact same with Bumi. As they were about to call it a night, meteors began to sail across the sky, putting on a once in a lifetime light show for them all.

_"Wow, this is so amazing to watch."_ Katara said. She laid between her brother and Aang, whose hand was inching closer to hers across the rock.

_"Kinda makes you realize how insignificant we are."_ Said Sokka. He'd listened diligently to Kai's tale of Hercules, the warrior constellation, and daydreamed of ways he could earn his own place amongst the Gods in the sky.

_"Eh, you've seen nothing once, you've seen it a thousand times."_ Just as Toph spoke, a bright flash of light blazed above their heads. One of the meteors was drawing uncomfortably close. Its flames were just as blue as Azula's lightning

_"Oh man, you've never not seen something like this!"_ Sokka said as the foreign heat licked their skin. It flew past them and over the horizon. Dark, billowing smoke began to fill the air in the valley. The lot of them jumped onto Appa's back and rode toward the scene of the crash.

The sight amazed them all. A space rock much bigger than how it'd looked in the sky sat in a crater of fire, and the flames were spreading. Katara pointed out a nearby town, yelling over the roar of the flames that it would soon be destroyed if they didn't do something about it. Kai followed the direction of the girl's finger, but she didn't see the same village that the rest of her friends were jumping into action to save.

A short film of a familiar Earth Kingdom village played out in front of her. It was just a flash, but it was enough to terrify her. A small rental hut was blazing out of control, the fire quickly spreading to nearby trees, businesses and homes. Lowly townspeople worked diligently to haul buckets of water from the nearby stream, splashing them onto the hut without making even a dent in the catastrophe. It wasn't until a group of benders strolled by that the fire was put out, they suffocated it with mounds of dirt and then pushed their way inside the crumbling structure with hopes of saving someone's life. But the man that they found had been killed long before his body was burnt to a crisp.

_"What are you waiting for?! Come on!"_ Toph yelled from the bison's feet. She snapped back to real time to see that the only thing they were waiting on was her. She slid down the side of Appa and left Katara in the driver's seat to fetch enough water to spare the town.

The closer the four of them got to the meteor, the heavier the air surrounding them became. Sweat began to drip down their heads, necks and underarms. Their clothes stuck to their sticky skin. As soon as they came within one hundred meters of the rock, it was as if Kai hit a brick wall.

Her feet refused to budge. She couldn't stand to get any closer. And when she breathed in, heavy smoke filled her lungs and caused her to gag. Another flash of memories assaulted her mind, visions of Sergeant Shin shoving his fingers down her throat to keep her quiet while forcing her legs apart.

Sokka was pulled to a halting stop by something — by some _one_. He glanced quickly over his shoulder to see Kai staring wide-eyed and gripping him by the forearm tight enough to turn her knuckles white.

_"Don't—"_ She stammered. _"I can't — the fire—"_ She couldn't manage to articulate what she was trying to say because she didn't know _why_ her feet wouldn't carry her any further. Not only that, but the fire itself seemed like her mortal enemy. It terrified her just as deeply as being dragged to The Great Divide did to when she was a child. Maybe even moreso.

_"Spit it out!"_ Sokka yelled. _"We have to help them!"_ He grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to gently shake the fear out of her, but Kai just stood in shock.

Sokka looked back and forth between the rest of the gang and her, and when he glanced down into Kai's eyes, they seemed almost transparent with disconnected.

He glanced back at the other benders one more time. _What can I even actually do to help? I'm not a bender like them.._ He turned toward the terror struck girl and decided that this was where he was most useful.

_"It's okay, they've got this handled anyways. Just breathe_." He said, loosening his grip on her arms.

Sokka watched with jealousy as his friends used their supernatural abilities to become the heroes once again. Meanwhile, Kai couldn't even face the same direction as the flames. She turned her back on the scene and focused her attention on Momo and her own out of control heart rate.

Toph folded the ground over on itself to snuff out the flames. Katara manipulated the water from the river to drown them out and in a last ditch effort to get things under control, Aang froze over the entire area and made it snow in the middle of summer. As soon as the fire died, so did Kai's fear. It disappeared completely, as if it never even existed. She held out her hand, catching a snowflake in the center of her palm. Despite the warm summer air, it held its shape.

* * *

The gang decided to explore that very town the next afternoon. They were enjoying a cheap lunch at an outdoor patio, people-watching the villagers that didn't even know that their lives had been in danger.

_"These people have no idea how close they were to getting toasted last night."_ Aang said. Katara was paying more attention to Kai, who was only picking at her meal. She hadn't told the others what she'd seen a few nights before, mostly because she wasn't sure that she could believe what she'd seen.

_"Yeah, the worst thing about being in disguise is that we don't get the hero worship anymore. I miss the love!"_ Toph said.

_"Boo-hoo."_ Sokka said from the edge of the patio where he was sitting. His mood had been gloomy all day. _"Poor heroes."_

Katara tried to entice her brother's mood into rising by reminding him of the sea-slug that was waiting to be eaten, but Sokka didn't have it in him to dine. _"You guys can do all this awesome bending stuff like putting out forest fires and flying around and making other things fly around!"_ He waved his arms around in animation. _"I can't fly around, okay? I can't do anything.."_

Katara looked solemnly down at her brother, _"That's not true. No one can read a map like you."_

Aang brought up his comedic relief and tried to make a joke about Katara's hair, which ended with the two of them bickering back and forth in a lovers' quarrel. Kai got up from the bench and took a seat beside him, locking her elbow around his.

_"You keep us on schedule and always make sure we're safe. That counts for something, if you ask me."_ She said.

Sokka gave her a half hearted smile but she could still see the sadness lingering in his blue eyes. _"I appreciate the effort, but the fact is that each of you is so special and I'm.. not."_ The smile faded and he averted his eyes toward his feet. _"I'm just the guy in the group who's regular."_

Katara joined the two of them at Sokka's other side, resting her hand on her shoulder reassuringly. _"I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but I hope you know, none of us see you that way."_ She met eyes with Kai, silently begging for reinforcement.

_"You know what.."_ Kai said as she stood to her feet, pulling Sokka by the arm along with her. _"I know something that's going to make you feel better."_

* * *

_"Shopping!"_

Sokka and the rest of the gang stood in an armory, surrounded by weapons from all over the world. Normally, the shopkeeper would question a group of teenagers wandering into his shop, but the arm length blades strapped to the one girl's back kept him at ease. He told them to be careful and that he'd be behind the register if they needed anything, then left them be.

_"Maybe a little something to reinvigorate my battling?"_ He asked only Kai, since the others had wandered off to do their own window shopping. A pair of nunchucks caught his eye. _"Hey, how about these?"_ He spun them around haphazardly with no idea as to what he was doing, striking himself between the eyes.

Kai smacked her hand over her mouth as laughter spilled from her lips and Sokka grinned with embarrassment. She grabbed a pair of short cylinders that sat nearby. They seemed hollow to the naked eye, but she identified them almost immediately.

_"Whatcha think? Should I trade in the old backstrap and swords?"_ She said while striking the air in a downward motion, allowing the cylinders to extend almost two feet. They were metal batons.

While the expandable batons were cool as hell, Sokka still found himself fond of her swords. He shook his head and continued on his quest for something to give him a bit of quick serotonin. He tried out a guan doa, a metal club, ball and chain, a spear, and a sai. Nothing seemed to catch his eye until a glimmer of light momentarily blinded him.

The culprit was a beautifully crafted sword that was framed and put on display on a throne above all the others; exactly where it deserved to be. Sokka's jaw hit the floor. He reached for the back of Kai's dress, pulling her away from the double-edged blades she was inspecting. His fingers grazed the glass that guarded the weapon.

_"Can you teach me how to use it??"_ He turned and asked Kai over-enthusiastically.

_"What?"_ She asked, knitting her brows together. " _No. I'm not a trainer."_

Sokka's shoulder slumped with disappointment and began to pout. _"That isn't true, you trained Toph. Plus you kill it with your swords! Come on, please?!"_ He dropped to his knees in front of the girl and intertwined his fingers, pushing out his bottom lip and giving her the biggest pair of blue puppy dog eyes to ever exist.

The shopkeeper saved Kai from having to reluctantly tell the boy no for a second time. _"You have a good eye."_ He said. _"That's an original from Piandao, the greatest swordsmaster and sword maker in Fire Nation history."_

The rest of the gang heard the commotion and joined the three others around the sword case.

_"He lives in the big castle up the road from here."_

_"There you go. That's what you need, Sokka. I had a master to train with until the day I left home."_ Kai said, and the others chimed in as well. Aang had had multiple trainers over the past year, and even Gyatso before the iceberg. Katara'd had Pakku at the North Pole and Toph had been trained by both Kai and the badgermoles.

Sokka thought about it, and while he would've much rather had Kai train him, they weren't wrong. " _It would be nice to be a master sword fighter.. All right, I'll talk to him!"_

* * *

The journey to see Master Piandao was one that Sokka had to make on his own. His friends stayed behind in the valley, lying about lazily with nothing to do but bake in the summer sun. Katara tried her best to provide comedic relief, but fell short.

After a short nap in the grass, Kai decided to sharpen and clean her blades. It'd been a long time since their last oil rub. She sat outside of her stone tent and drug a rock down their edges, hitting her sheaths against the ground to knock out any gunk that's gotten stuck down there.

_"Mind if I sit?"_ Katara asked from closer to the campfire. Kai looked up and saw that her hands were tucked behind her back, she seemed nervous. _"Go ahead."_ She replied.

An elephant lingered between the two of them. Katara wasn't watching her sharpen her blades, she was studying her features. She was looking the girl up and down, trying to determine if this was really her or just some doppelgänger.

_"My mom was a healer, too. Not like you though."_ Kai said, snapping Katara out of speculation. _"You saw something the other day — something that scared the hell out of you. My mom put it there. It was the runoff of all the 'healing' she did while pregnant with me."_

Her face twisted in confusion. Katara knew firsthand what healing looked like, and it didn't look like that. It wasn't dark and sticky and hot. It didn't feel pain when it was thrust into the open. It wasn't alive. But that _thing_ was.

_"What.. what was that?_ " She asked.

Kai stopped what she was doing with one last scraping of rock against metal. Her mouth grew dry as she tried to speak, as if it wanted to silence her.

_"Anger."_ She said. _"Loneliness. Betrayal. Anxieties of all kinds. Fear. Sadness."_ The pressure in her ears dropped with her last word. _"A lot of sadness lately."_

Katara's heart hurt for the girl in front of her. She'd recognized Kai's change in attitude long before the others, it'd shown itself to her in that small space of time between their escape from the catacombs and her dramatic departure. Katara was no stranger to that type of pain, she'd felt it both when her mother passed and when her father left. It dictates nearly everything you do, every decision you make. It decides whether or not you eat and sleep and more than anything, it craves isolation. That type of sadness is nothing more than a greedy parasite that wants it's host all to itself.

_"We can always try again."_ Katara said as Kai began wiping down her blade with an oil rag. _"I think I almost had it last time. I think I—"_

She looked up toward the water bender from her work with defeated eyes and a weak but appreciative smile. _"You didn't. Whatever you had a hold on, it was dragging **me** out with it."_

Kai could see the worry hiding behind Katara's haunted expression. She finished up with her blades and tossed them back inside her shelter, then stood up and motioned for Katara to do the same.

_"I appreciate the concern, but the only thing we need to focus on right now is the solar eclipse. If we don't take down Fire Lord Ozai, whatever's going on with me won't matter anyways. Now come on, let's go get some training in. I think a little bit of exercise will help me heal faster."_

The four benders sparred in the valley while waiting for Sokka to return. Two teams of two, Katara and Toph versus Aang and Kai. It would've been more useful if they'd had a fire bender around to help them prepare for battle, but any amount of training would do. Aang was able to fly away from Toph's boulder strikes with ease, but they pressed him to practice his water and earth bending as well. Kai started off taking it easy on Katara, but she was still damaged and the water bender proved herself to be a worthy opponent. In the end Kai won her round by racing in a circle around the girl and turning the ground below her into a sticky, sinking mud trap. Katara abandoned all hope of winning and focused mainly on holding her skirt up so it wouldn't get dirty.

_"Hey, guys. What are you doing?"_ The lot of them heard from the hill overlooking the valley. Sokka looked worn out and tired, but he wasn't holding his grumbling stomach like he usually was at this hour.

Toph, Katara and Aang rushed toward the older boy and nearly tackled him in a hug. They held him tight and yelled his name, telling him of how much they'd missed him. Aang begged him to say something funny, having been bored out of his mind for half of the day. _"Funny how?"_ Sokka replied, to which the three of them burst into laughter. Kai finally made it up the hill where the others stood, she still needed another healing session or two to sprint as heartily as the others.

_"What's their deal?"_ Sokka asked the fifth member of their group.

Kai crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged, _"Dunno. I guess they missed you or something. I couldn't care less."_ She said, though allowed a sarcastic smirk to peek from behind her otherwise stoic face.

Toph called her bluff, pointing a blind finger in Kai's direction. _"She's lying, I can feel it!"_

Kai swatted her hand down and Sokka cocked an eyebrow. _"Yeah, I didn't have to be an earthbender to figure that one out."_ He opened up one of his lanky arms, allowing room for one more in their group hug. _"Bring it in, bring it in. But hurry up! I need some help."_

* * *

Toph and Kai worked their hardest to push the meteor up the side of the mountain. It was surprisingly malleable for its size, but weighed about a ton. They each had so much sweat pouring down their face by the time they reached the double doors of the estate that they almost didn't notice the massive emblem painted on the front.

A white lotus emblem.

An older man opened the doors immediately upon their arrival. His skin tone was closer to that of the water tribe siblings' and Kai's than Aang and Toph.

_"Who's this?"_ He asked. Sokka replied that they were all his friends. "Good Fire Nation folks", as he described them. Kai bowed along with the others to Sokka's master, but she noticed the man watching her more closely than anyone else.

_"Do you think we can make a sword out of a meteorite_?" Sokka asked.

Piandao inspected the rock for a moment, knocking his fist against it to test its density. " _We'll make a sword unlike any other in the world."_

The gang watched from the sidelines as Sokka worked himself to the bone for the rest of the day. He chiseled away at the meteor for hours, until the summer sun set and cooled down his overheated skin. They slept next to the coal stove while he forged the fire throughout the night. Kai woke up periodically from disturbing dreams that she instantly forgot, only to see Sokka's bare back turned to their dogpile. He was shoveling coal into the fire to keep it hot enough to melt the metal.

This went on into the next evening. Master Piadao's butler, Fat, begrudgingly served the teenagers breakfast and lunch while they watched Sokka pour the molten liquid into the mold of his choosing. He hammered it against stone and finally, just before the sun started to set in the sky, Piandao dipped the blade into a trough of ice cold water, solidifying all of the hard work that Sokka had put in.

The group stood on the training grounds of the mansion, watching Piandao metaphorically knight a kneeling Sokka with a sword of his own making. He was so proud of his newest pupil. Proud enough to give a heartfelt speech.

_"Creativity, versatility, intelligence— these are the traits that define a great swordsman. And these are the traits that define you."_ Piandao placed the masterpiece in Sokka's hands. _"You told me that you didn't know if you were worthy, but I believe that you are more worthy than any man I have ever trained."_

Sokka looked down at the sword and saw shame in his reflection. _"I'm sorry, Master. You're wrong."_ He said while rising to his feet. _"I'm not worthy. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not from the Fire Nation, I'm from the Southern Water Tribe. I lied so that I could learn swordsmanship from you, I'm sorry."_

Piandao looked the boy up and down as he offered him back the space sword. His nostrils flared and for a moment, he closed his eyes. _"I'm sorry, too."_ He swung his own blade at Sokka, who narrowly missed the blow by fending him off. Piandao swung again.

Kai reached over her shoulders, gripping the handles of her blades and barely pulling them out of their sheaths before Sokka turned toward her, having heard the sound of metal cutting through air.

_"No, this is my fight."_ He said to them all. _"Alone."_

Piandao lunged toward his pupil and Sokka blocked him again, and then four more times after. He was great at playing defense. When his master attempted a quick leg sweep, he was able to jump to safety with no problems.

The gang had never witnessed such agility out of their friend. Sokka leaped, dodged, tucked and rolled all over the training grounds. He slid down the railing of a small bridge and finally got in a jab of his own, though he missed. But he quickly followed up by launching himself off of a concrete wall and striking at the older gentleman again.

_"Good use of terrain — fighting from the high ground!"_

Sokka nearly had Piandao's blade pinned against the ground when he was thrust back into a stalk of bamboo. The gang winced and groaned from the safety of the covered porch. He looked up just in time to roll out of the path of his master's blade and jump to his feet, cutting through the small forest with his sword and swinging stalks back in an attempt to slow down his opponent.

_"Yes, use your surroundings!"_ The swordsmaster shouted while still pursuing him. _"Make them fight **for** you!"_

Sokka lost sight of the man for a moment, just long enough for Piandao to surprise him with a sneak attack. The young warrior limboed back on his heels, catching his fall with his sword. When he stood back up and swung his blade in defense, dirt from the grit of cement blocks flew into the face of his rival.

_"Very resourceful."_ The man said. He was blinded now, ignorant to where anyone stood around him. Sokka used this opportunity to back away from him, but clumsily stepped on a twig, giving away his location.

Piandao swung his blade just as the gang began to move in again. The sword stopped, pointing toward the four of them. His eyes were still squeezed shut. He remained still for a moment while they all froze in their tracks, and then he pointed his blade toward the sky, signaling a truce.

" _I think I'm a little old to be fighting the avatar."_ He said as Fat handed him a handkerchief to wipe the soot from his eyes.

They asked him what'd tipped him off, to which he stated that he'd simply been around for a while and suggested Sokka choose a Fire Nation cover name. Master Piandao explained that the way of the sword didn't belong to one nation.

_"Sokka, you must continue your training on your own."_ He said, while glancing at the girl with blades strapped to her back. _"If you continue on this path, I know that one day you will become an even greater master than I am."_

The group showed themselves out and before the tall double doors could slam behind them, Fat came chasing after.

_"Wait!"_ He yelled, out of breath. _"The Master wanted you to have this, as something to remember him by."_ He dropped a token into Sokka's hand and then left them be.

Sokka turned it over in his fingers, inspecting it for a moment before passing it around in the group. _"It's a Pai Sho tile." He said._

Kai looked at it diligently and smiled with disbelief. _"The White Lotus."_ Just like the emblem on the doors to the home.

" _What's it mean?"_ Katara asked.

Kai handed the tile back to Sokka, closing his fingers tight around it so that it wouldn't be lost. _"It means you've got a friend."_

* * *

The gang started back toward camp just before dusk, when the sun hung low and turned the sky fiery shades of orange and red. Sokka was still bouncing off of cloud nine with happiness, flailing his new sword around, striking invisible assailants.

_"Lemme see that."_ Kai said, and reached for the handle. Sokka jerked his hand away before she could steal his new toy.

_"No way! You never let me play with your swords!"_

" _Because you've never asked!"_ She said, pulling the twins from over her shoulders. She clanked them against each other and noticed how unimpressive they looked compared to Sokka's. _"Besides, mine are old. I don't want you accidentally breaking them."_

Sokka dashed in front of the group, cutting Kai off and swinging his blade horizontally toward her. She swiftly closed her two swords around his, nearly pulling it out of his grip.

_"Hey, careful with that thing!"_ She yelled while laughing at his playful attitude.

_"Seriously, Sokka, be careful."_ Katara said. _"Kai's still hurt, she needs a few more healing sessions before she's back to her full health."_

Kai rolled her eyes and released Sokka's sword from her grip, he noticed the unspoken annoyance in her expression.

_"She's fine, Katara."_ He said, leaping to the top of a boulder at the left of their path. _"If anything, she's just faking her injuries because she knows I'd win in a battle!"_

Kai stopped in her tracks in front of the large rock and cocked her eyebrow. That familiar sensation returned, one that she hadn't felt since the catacombs. The feeling of mischievous excitement that came with the anticipation of a fight. Her fingers twitched around the handles.

_"Am I being challenged right now?"_ She asked.

Katara started to interject in an attempt to settle the two swordsmen down for the evening, but it was no use. Sokka thrust his blade toward the sky, _"Yes! Me and you! A battle of the sexes, sword against sword in a fight to the death!"_

Toph and Aang continued on their journey down the path back to camp, knowing that there was no ending their fun now. Katara reluctantly followed with her arms crossed, leaving the two of them behind.

Kai spun her swords around in her hands to show off and then swung one toward Sokka's ankles. He avoided them by bouncing off of the boulder and running down the hill into the valley below, where she chased him until the land plateaued.

Sokka turned on his heel just as she was catching up to him, causing her to slide to a stop. He threw his blade over his head and forced Kai to hopscotch to her right. The sound of metal clanking against metal pierced the serene silence of the valley. Birds and bats alike stirred from their resting places in the trees, casting shadows down on the two of them as the dueled.

Kai, having double the amount of weaponry, was at an advantage. She struck out at Sokka and then immediately went for his knees with her second sword. But he was fast and high on both adrenaline and enthusiasm. He was able to keep up with her skill, for now.

_"No fair! You've got two blades, I only have one!"_ He shouted, though his smile never faltered.

_"Fine—"_ She said back and stuck the one in her left hand back into its sheath. _"You big baby. Not like it matters, I could win with neither of them."_ She stuck her lonely sword out toward him, forcing him to contort his torso and hop backward to avoid her blow.

They went back and forth through the open field, pushing each other to the edge and then making it back toward the center. Kai's still damaged muscles began to strain under the weight of her weapon. She dropped her spare in an attempt to relieve the tension and left it behind. Sokka chased after the girl, holding his sword up in the air, ready to strike whenever the opportunity permitted.

Kai didn't notice the pain in her ankle. She was having too much fun to realize that the scabbed wound had broken open and was dribbling a trail of blood behind her. Or maybe she had noticed it, but had simply gotten used to the feeling of her calf muscles aching from overuse. She'd almost made it back to the head of the valley when her Achilles' tendon couldn't take it anymore, it gave out under her weight and sent her crashing down against the soft grass, her blade flying out of her grasp.

It didn't hurt. Kai didn't feel physical pain like she used to anymore. Her shoulder hit the ground first and then something much less dense landed on top of her with an _"Oof!"_

Sokka's new toy had flown above their heads when he tripped on the girl. He'd caught up to her to the point where when she fell, he didn't have time to stop himself from following her lead. His body landed halfway on top of hers, elbow digging into the dirt and sending a numbing shock up his funny bone. He was just about to scramble to his feet and apologize profusely, make sure she was okay, something, when the body below him began jiggling with laughter.

Sokka looked up from his landing spot on her shoulder to see the girl beside herself with hilarity. The concern inside of him melted and he joined her in a childlike fit of giggles. Kai's vision blurred from the tears in her eyes. Her chest burned from being so out of breath, but she was still unable to control herself.

She finally caught a breath of air and Sokka did, too. He didn't even know what either of them were laughing about, but it felt nice. Their lives had become so hectic over the past few months that they scarcely found themselves able to just _be_ teenagers. That's all they really were. They were travelers and fighters and heroes, but they were still just teenagers.

_"God, I haven't had that much fun since.."_ Kai briefly racked her mind for a quick memory, but nothing compared. Nothing that stood out in that moment, anyways. _"I can't even remember. That's the most fun I've had in ages."_

Sokka had forgotten that he was halfway resting on top of the girl. He felt her lungs expand beneath him, her body shifting for a bit of space, but the thought of moving didn't once enter his mind. He was looking down into her watery green eyes and watching the color of the evening sky change in their reflection.

Kai didn't _mind_ being so close to Sokka. No, a part of her even enjoyed having his skin against hers. It was his gaze wandering down to her lips that caused goosebumps to rise on her arms.

_"Sokka."_ She said. She'd meant for it to catch his attention, bring him back down to earth, but her voice was barely even loud enough for _her_ to hear.

His hand that was rested just to the left of her head moved across her face. His thumb touched her cool skin, brushing her cheek gently as he wiped away the last tear of laughter that'd escaped from her eyes. It lingered on her there, at that space between her temple and jaw.

The gap between them began shrinking. Kai could feel her heart thumping in her throat and his warm breath hitting her lips. Fresh mint and summer watermelon. Oddly enough, she wanted more of it. She wanted to taste that combination against her tongue and have it suffocate her sinuses.

Kai reached up and placed a gentle hand on his collar, stopping him from turning his face to fit hers.

_"We should go."_ She said, though she instantly hated herself for doing so. _"Katara's probably already got dinner started. You know how she gets if we don't eat as a family."_

Sokka snapped back into his own mind. His eyes darted from her lips back to her eyes and embarrassment flooded his innards. _"Oh.. right."_ He said, lifting himself off of the girl by the elbow.

Kai felt lonely with his hand away from her face. She remained on her back, watching Sokka collect himself and gather his strewn sword. She searched for her blade straps and pulled them back on, then followed him down the path toward camp.

Sokka kept his pace just a hair faster than hers for the rest of the journey, always trailing ahead of her by a few feet so that he wouldn't have to feel the slight sting of rejection at the end of an otherwise perfect day.


	28. The Assassin Network

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter skips around a lot so bear with me. I hated this episode, but it was still pertinent to the story, so here ya go.

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko laid in bed naked. The sheets were pushed down near his hips and he was staring up at the ceiling. Sleep scarcely met him these days, and when it did, he was haunted by nightmares. Vivid terrors of his father standing before his kneeling body and showing him no mercy all over again. But sometimes he couldn't see anything at all, though he could feel absolutely everything. He could feel her crawling up his body, slipping her fingers between the two of them to grip his most sensitive parts. He could hear her breathy voice whisper into his ear, _"All of my love."_ just like she'd scribbled onto his mirror.

It'd been days since she'd left, possibly a week or more. Time ran together now, he wasn't sure. The body next to him stirred as the late morning sun shined in through the singular window, bringing them both light and warmth. Mai turned her head to face Zuko on the pillow she'd claimed and slowly stretched her exhausted legs.

_"Awake already?"_ She asked, extending her hand across the bed to graze over his bare chest.

Zuko's eyes didn't meet hers. He remained staring up into the rafters, ashamed of the things he'd done to this girl the past few nights. Like Kai, Zuko had found a way to rid himself of his pain. But his relief was only temporary, and when it came back, it brought shame and guilt with it.

_"Couldn't sleep."_ He said blankly. Mai moved across the sheets and nestled her naked skin against his, cuddling up to his side.

_"I don't see how_ _._ _"_ She said, smiling. _"_ _We_ _were up pretty late last night."_

He didn't need to be reminded. Zuko looked down to see her lining butterfly kisses across his chest. Her pale skin was flawless and smooth, free of any bruises or scars that might have suggested she'd ever had to lift a single finger. She was beautiful, really. Like a porcelain doll.

Mai peeled her body away from his and searched for her dress on the floor, pulling it over her shoulders when she found it. _"We should get ready. The ferry will be leaving soon. Are you packed?"_

Zuko shut his eyes for a moment of peace. He was dreading going to Ember Island for the weekend. Fire Lord Ozai had ordered it, he was having special guests over and didn't want his meetings interrupted by his needy children.

_"I'll have the help take care of it."_ He said. Finally, his eyes began to feel heavy. He wouldn't have time to get much sleep, but maybe just a little bit would keep his irritability at bay. Mai noticed his slipping into oblivion and wished he'd ask her to join him back in bed. She continued gathering her stuff, pulling on her underwear and straightening up her hair. She walked toward the door slowly, giving him the chance to offer her anything. A kiss goodbye, an escort down the hall, something.

_"Shut the door behind you."_ He said.

And she did, with a huff.

**_KAI_ **

The gang lounged around a waterfall oasis they'd happened upon the day before. Katara and Kai were washing their hair in the shallows while Toph laid back on a large rock. Sokka had pulled out his map and drawing compass, he was calculating how many more days it would take them to make it to their rendezvous point for the attack. Aang was using his time to relax. He'd stripped down to just his trunks and was floating along the gentle currant, taking the opportunity to air out his arrows, which had been hidden behind fire nation garments for weeks now.

_"Aang, I know swimming is fun and all, but do you really think you should be exposing yourself like that?"_ She yelled over the sound of the stream.

_"What? I'm wearing trunks."_ He said back, and folded his hands behind his head.

_"I know, it's your tattoos I'm worried about. What if someone sees you?"_

_"There are walls all around us."_ Katara said, as if the blind girl couldn't sense that. _"It's completely safe."_

From behind them they could hear Momo's speechless chittering and the next thing they knew, he and Aang were both gone. They'd darted down a water chute that led to god knows where, seeking out fun and adventure on the otherwise serene day. Sokka grumbled to himself as he struggled to do calculations in his head. He'd also chosen to strip down to his swimwear, even though he had no intentions of entering the water.

_"What's his deal?"_ Katara asked with her voice cast down.

Kai and Sokka hadn't spoken much since their playful duel in the valley. An awkward tension lingered between them. Sokka still felt the embarrassment of rejection whenever he stepped too close to the girl and Kai's head was a messed up Rubik's Cube of confusion. It hurt now that she felt him pulling away, regardless of the fact that she was the one stopping him from coming closer.

_"I think he's mad at me."_ She told Katara. _"He hasn't been talking to me much, he even pulled his bed roll away from mine and Toph's."_

That'd thrust a real sword into her heart. Kai didn't like empty space around her when she slept. It was the reason she slept surrounded by branches when she was alone and why she'd cuddled up so closely to Nero when they were together. Even sleeping next to strangers in years past brought her more comfort than sneaking into a hut rental alone for the night.

_"What happened?"_ Katara asked, but Kai wasn't about to tell her that she and Sokka had almost locked lips after chasing each other around like sparrowkeets.

_"I kicked his ass during our spar. Does he usually hold a grudge for this long?"_

The water bender giggled remembering how long it took her brother to come around to Aang. Hell, even Jet he'd never _really_ trusted. _"Maybe it's better if you just apologize. He can be a little.. stubborn."_

Kai glanced across the small beach at Sokka while she rang out her hair. He was leaning over his map, scratching his head and basking in the hot sun.

_"Right.. Apologize."_

**_ZUKO_ **

The beach on Ember Island was hot and crowded. Zuko felt his pale skin beginning to bake as soon as he stripped down to his trunks. His hair felt too warm on the back of his neck.

_Kai was right.. I need to cut my hair._ He thought internally, and then immediately tried to push her out of his mind. He laid out their beach towel and umbrella and joined Mai in the sand. She'd been acting extra sour since he met her at the ferry. But that was just Mai, she got like that sometimes. Zuko didn't think twice about it.

Teenagers just like the lot of them ran across the landscape. They played games of soccer and volleyball, some tried their hand at surfing, children built sandcastle forts close to the shore. Azula's destroyed one of those masterpieces, she'd done it with a dominating smile on her face.

_"Here, this is for you."_ Zuko said to Mai as he handed her a conch shell, lazily trying to appease her poor mood. She paused to look at it and her brows contorted with confusion.

_"Why would I want that?"_ She asked.

His grip tightened around the shell, it threatened to crumble in his grasp. _"I saw it and thought it was pretty. Don't girls_ ** _like_** _stuff like this?"_

She turned her nose up and continued to stare straight ahead, as if she was bored at his attempt to court her. _"Maybe stupid girls."_

Zuko tossed the shell down the beach and stormed off. He needed time to simmer down before his anger and resentment caused him to lash out.. again.

**_KAI_ **

They slept at the foot of a bluff that night. Summer was winding down, it was noticeable in the way that the evening brought a chill into their bones. They couldn't risk building a campfire, it might give away their position to nearby Fire Nation troops. So they huddled up in pairs, Katara snuggling up next to Aang and Kai lying back to back with Toph. Sokka settled on wrapping his arms around Momo for the night, but he couldn't stop from tossing and turning with restlessness.

His scooting around to get comfortable caused Kai to keep waking up every time she got close to slumber. She peeked one eye open just in time to see Sokka huff and toss his arms down against his palette, staring up into the stars.

_"You cold?"_ Kai whispered, though she didn't risk waking Toph by moving.

Sokka glanced over at her before looking back up at the sky. _"It's the ocean water. It makes the wind feel colder than it actually is."_

That was true. But there were other things at play, too. All of them were changing. They were coming into themselves both together and individually. The seasons were moving along as planned with no regards to their mission or timeline and they had to find a way to make things line up perfectly, fast.

_"We've got tons of room over here, y'know. You're welcome to borrow some body heat."_

A small, lonely smile finally began to show on Sokka's face, but it faded soon after. _"I don't wanna.. make you, uh.. uncomfortable."_

Kai huffed and extended her arm across the dirt, her fingers made a slight "come here" motion and the ground immediately underneath Sokka began crawling. It delivered him, his sword, and his sleeping mat directly to Kai. He turned on his side to face her.

_"I hate this!"_ She whispered sternly. _"Why are you punishing me? Because I didn't let you kiss me a few nights ago?"_

_"Punishing you??"_ Sokka said a bit too loud. Kai shushed him and peeked over her shoulder at the others, they didn't stir. _"I'm punishing_ ** _myself_** _, Kai! I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet!"_

Kai opened her mouth to speak, but this time she was the one being shushed. Sokka gently smacked his hand over her mouth and continued. _"No, let me get this out! I was_ ** _wrong_** _to try to kiss you. I don't know what came over me, I guess I was just feeling pretty ballsy that day because of Master Piandao and my training and whatever, but I shouldn't have pressed your boundaries like that."_ He sighed and looked away from her as pain bubbled up in his chest. _"I guess I just keep waiting for that day to come.. the one you talked about when you came home from your date. When we won't always be traveling and fighting and strategizing, when everything slows down and we can all just enjoy the things that teenagers are supposed to enjoy.. but those things seem so far off. You were right, it_ ** _is_** _hard not having Suki around. But if I'm being completely honest.."_

Sokka paused and his pained expression turned to guilt. _"Suki and I haven't even spent that much time together. A few days, tops. I like her a lot, really, but... Ugh! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I realized I can't wait around for someone that I don't even really know, but that doesn't make it okay for me to project my feelings onto you just because you're here. So to summarize all of that, I'm just sorry, okay? I shouldn't have tried to kiss you and I'm_ ** _sorry_** _."_

Kai stared at him with raised eyebrows, taking in everything he'd just said. It was probably the most she'd ever heard him say in one sitting, and it definitely wasn't what she'd been anticipating.

_"Well? Aren't you gonna say something?"_ He asked.

She finally blinked and shook the confusion off of her face. _"Why are you apologizing for trying to kiss me?"_

_"What? Didn't you hear a word I just said??"_

Kai smiled at the boy and scooted herself closer to him, having felt Toph shift a tad in her sleep. _"I didn't_ ** _not_** _want you to kiss me, dummy."_

Sokka's brow knitted together. _"You.. you didn't?"_ He instinctively opened up his blanket for her to slide under, since left hers behind with Toph. Kai crawled under the wool with him and welcomed his arm falling over her shoulders.

_"No, I just.."_ She huffed against his covered chest, refusing to look up into his milky blue eyes. _"Sokka, you're one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. You're stronger and braver and more loyal than I could ever be. And I don't want to steal any of that from you."_

He was listening to her words and at the same time getting lost in her subtle features. Sokka's long fingers found her braid that trailed down her back, he unknotted it and brushed the weavework free in long, soothing strokes. _"I don't understand.."_ He said.

His fingers felt nice against her scalp. Kai rested her top arm around his waist and began gently stroking the chilled skin along his spine. _"Heartbreak.. it hurts like hell, Sokka. I wish that I could promise you forever, or even that if we started something, it'd last until the end of this war.. But I can't lie to you. We're attracted to each other because we're_ ** _convenient_** _to one another. And that's perfectly fine with me, but I can't knowingly hurt you like that.. It would be cruel of me."_

Sokka's fingers abruptly quit moving against her head. He knew that if her speech were true, she wouldn't have allowed her fingers to slip up the back of his shirt to mindlessly draw abstract shaped along his back and sides. She was saying what she knew was right to say, but not what she actually wanted to happen. If Sokka was willing to let their attraction naturally run its course, she would, too. That much was evident.

_"So.. you_ ** _did_** _want me to kiss you?"_ He asked.

Kai nodded her head against his chest and drew herself closer to him. He traced his fingers down the nape of her neck, trailing them up to the side of her jaw, forcing her to look up at him through the bright moonlight. _"It would be an honor to have my heart broken by you, Kai."_

Sokka mustered up all the courage he had and tilted his forehead down to meet hers. He kissed her gently, like a wisp of refreshingly cool air. His lips weren't hungry and insatiable like Zuko's and Jet's had been.. they were so soft. His tongue didn't beg for entry to her mouth. He kissed her with simple appreciation and gratitude, savoring her earthy scent up close for the first time. Sokka's thumb stroked her cheek, warming her from the inside out.

He pulled his lips away but kept his forehead pressed against hers. Kai still tasted his breath on her lips, summer watermelon and fresh mint, it never changed.

_"Was.. was that okay?"_ Sokka whispered nervously.

She smiled at his adorable innocence and just as she was about to lean in and kiss him again, the gravel behind them stirred. Toph sat up in her sleep and the two of them scrambled away from each other.

_"Guys, you're all going to think I'm crazy, but it feels like a metal man is coming!"_ Toph yelled. Katara and Aang struggled to wake from their deep slumber, but Kai and Sokka were wide eyed.

Kai turned over her shoulder and peered up the side of the mountain. There was something standing at the edge of the bluff. It's metallic extremities reflected off of the moonlight. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach as she realized who it was.

_"Oh, shit.."_ She said under her breath. A high pitched whistle rang out as the body retracted, readying itself for attack. _"Run.. RUN!!"_

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko sat in a chaise lounge surrounded by people that he didn't know, at a party that he didn't want to be at. After multiple failed attempts to swoon Mai, Azula had forced them all to join her volleyball team. When they won, Ty Lee and Mai were invited to a party at an admiral's house. _Only_ Ty Lee and Mai. Azula and Zuko were extended an invitation simply because they knew the other two.

He seared over Ruon-Jian's laid back attitude, keeping his arm thrown protectively over Mai's shoulder. She didn't like expressions of endearment from him, sure, but who's to say she wouldn't enjoy them from some other guy?

_"He thinks he's so great.."_ Zuko said under his breath. Mai ignored him. His childish behavior and outbursts were becoming too much for her to entertain. _"Well? What do you think of him?"_ He asked.

Mai rolled her eyes before responding. _"I don't have any opinion about him. I don't even know him."_

He cut his eyes at the top of her head. _"You like him, don't you?"_ He asked, but got no response.

They sat there in tense, awkward silence. Every female party-goer that passed by, Zuko took a second look at. His mixed up mind was playing tricks on him. From the sides, they all looked to have striking green eyes. And from afar, all of their hair seemed to be braided loosely. Of course, when he shook his head and looked at them again, most of them had short hairstyles and amber colored eyes.

_"I'm bored and hungry."_ Mai said, trying to get a moment away from him.

The palenquin wasn't around to entertain her and fetch whatever food her spoiled little heart desired. _"So what?"_ He asked. Surely she didn't expect _her_ prince to do the job of a slave.

_"So, find me some food. Now."_

Zuko pushed Mai off of him and stood with his fists balled up next to his sides. He grumbled to himself as he walked away, toward the large buffet full of finger foods at the other end of the room. He brushed against strangers' bodies as they mixed and mingled. He could tell which ones were benders, they radiated heat. Maybe that was why he could stand to lie next to Mai at night, her cool skin reminded him of who he really wanted to be beside.

A voice spoke from behind him as he spooned hor d'oeuvres onto a plate. _"That for your girlfriend? She seems pretty.. pissed off. Whad'ya do?"_

Zuko's eyes grew wide. That voice was familiar, it was silky smooth and made his blood begin to rush as soon as he heard it. _"No! I mean, nothing! I mean_ _—_ _she's not my girlfriend!"_ He stammered as he turned sharply on his heel, dropping the plate between him and the girl. In the time between the glass slipping from his hand and it hitting the ground, the brief glimpse he got at this stranger made his heart speed up. Zuko would've swore it was her, he would've bet everything he had on it. He saw her standing there in the dress that she'd arrived at the palace in, torn and tattered and oozing infected blood, but the weary smile still showed on her face.

The glass shattering against the ground is what snapped Zuko out of his hallucination. This girl wasn't Kai. She had pale skin and pitch black hair, her eyes were dull and lifeless. She backed away from him, seemingly frightened at his response. _"Okay, man.. My bad."_

Zuko slapped his hand against his face in frustration. He felt so _stupid._

_Of course Kai isn't here.._ He thought to himself. _She used me and then_ ** _left_** _._

Zuko said fuck it to the food, Mai could get it herself if she wanted to be fed so badly. He started back through the crowd, pushing his way past people until the chaise lounge came back into view. He'd only abandoned his post at Mai's side for a few moments, but he saw now that it hadn't taken long at all for someone to fill in for him.

Ruon-Jian was leaning on the arm of the couch, saying lord knows what to the governor's daughter. The thing that struck a nerve through was that, though he couldn't hear the two of them, he could clearly see that Mai was speaking back to him. She was smiling and acting friendlier to this stranger than she'd been toward him all day long.

Zuko stalked across the room and grabbed the boy by the shoulder. _"What are you doing?!"_ Ruon-Jian shouted as he was whipped around.

_"_ ** _Stop_** _talking to my girlfriend!"_ He yelled. Zuko didn't even really want to talk to her, sure, but he didn't want anyone else talking to her either.

Ruon said something to Zuko about chilling out, but it was cut off by Zuko tossing him across the room. He landed on a vase, and unlike when the small plate had broken in front of the buffet, _everyone_ noticed the loud shattering of the antique. Mai stood from the lounge and finally offered him a bit of raw emotion.

_"Zuko! What is wrong with you?!"_ She yelled. Spirits, did she look beautiful when she was angry. But still, had she not just been trying to abandon him, too?

_"What's wrong with ME?!"_ Zuko shouted back. He was met with a scolding finger and steam nearly blowing out of Mai's ears. _"Your temper is out of control! You blow up over every little thing, you're so impatient and hotheaded and angry!"_

_"Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you!"_ He snapped. _"You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah!"_

She turned away from him with arms crossed. Zuko was right, Mai had no passion for anything, not even breaking up with him. _"It's over, Zuko. We're done."_ She said.

**_KAI_ **

The gang hopped onto Appa's back, leaving the avatar behind. The metal man didn't seem to be interested in anyone but him. They circled above in the sky as they watched the battle ensue below them.

_"Can't you do something?!"_ Sokka yelled. He hadn't seen what'd caused the cliff above them to explode just a few minutes before, and evidently he wasn't watching now.

_"Are you kidding me??"_ She shouted back. _"I can't fight Shiva! He can literally make shit explode WITH HIS MIND!"_

Katara winced as she watched Aang dodge another telekinetic blast of fire. _"Shiva? You know this guy??"_

Another blow. Aang went flying back first toward the ground, turning around just in time to punch through a rock pillar that may have ended his life otherwise.

_"Not_ **_personally_ ** _, jeez. He's in the assassin network, it's not like we have yearly reunions!"_

Toph found no use in peering over the side of the bison's saddle. She leaned back and enjoyed the ride, dreaming of how life would've gone if she'd left with Kai three years earlier. _"An 'assassin network'?"_ She sighed. _"Man, that sounds so cool! How many people did you--"_ She made a gruesome slashing motion with her thumb across her throat.

_"None!"_ Kai could see Katara glaring at her out of the corner of her eye, she turned toward the water bender. _"And before you start throwing around accusations, no, I had nothing to do with this."_

As quickly as she finished her defensive statement, Appa swooped down. Aang landed on his feet in the saddle, having shed the rock armor he used to keep himself safe from the metal man's attacks. Momo jumped to his shoulder and began nuzzling against the boy's cheek, Katara embraced him in a relieved hug. _"I'm okay."_ Aang whispered to his love.

_"Well, that was random."_ Toph said.

_"I don't think so."_ Kai said. She tossed her stuff down at the back of their flying home, where she would sleep for the remainder of the night. _"Shiva's price is hefty. He's never turned down a job, never missed a hit, and has never ratted out his commissioners. If he's after Aang, it's because someone paid him a pretty penny to do so. We'll see him again."_

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko sat against the open door to the old beach house alone. It'd been years since he'd been there. It felt like it'd been even longer. A dated picture of his family sat in his hands and began to burn at the edges.

_"I thought I'd find you here."_ A raspy voice said from the bottom of the steps. It was Mai, Zuko hadn't hallucinated this time. She climbed the stairs and sat with her knees against her chest at the opposite side of the door frame.

_"Where's your new boyfriend?"_ He asked, but regretted it instantly. She laughed at his petty rhetoric.

They sat in silence for a long while with not even the tips of their shoes touching. Zuko was staring shamefully down at his feet while Mai was trying to read the anguish on his face. She couldn't ignore the fact that he wasn't the same anymore. He hadn't been since his return home, but they'd both been trying their damnedest to pick up where they'd left off.

_"What's wrong with you, Zuko?"_ She asked softly.

Angry tears welled up in his eyes. Even when Mai was trying to have a meaningful moment with him, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back to the earth bender with scarred skin. He remembered things he'd long forgotten, like when she'd asked him in the Second Ring park on their first date, _"Do you want to tell me what happened?"_ when they were exchanging traumatic childhood stories.

_"I'm so fucking angry."_ Zuko said. _"For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now, my dad talks to me."_ He paused to laugh. _"He even thinks I'm a fucking hero. Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy, but I'm just.. not. I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why."_

_"It's only been a few weeks."_ Mai said. _"Things can take time.. Cut yourself some slack, you were gone for_ ** _three years_** _. Three years, we were apart."_

A blade struck Zuko through the heart. He was so sick of hurting people. He'd hurt Iroh and Kai and countless people before that. And he was going to do it again, maybe even before the night was over.

_"It isn't just that, Mai.."_ He sighed.

Mai knew. She'd known before they even boarded the ship back home. She could feel it in the way he touched her, just barely unless his mind had been wandering throughout the day. On those days, he kissed her like he loved her. Or at least like he loved someone _._

_"That girl.."_ She whispered. _"The earth bender. I can't remember her name. The water tribe girl told Azula she'd caught the two of you kissing."_

Zuko rubbed his face. He was tired. All the sleepless nights he'd spent daydreaming about happier times were catching up to him.

_"Kai. Her name's Kai. I'm so sorry, M_ _—_ _"_ He began to reach out for her hand but she jerked it away. Her expression didn't look any more or less bored than it had at the party, but her body language said differently.

_"I wasn't looking for anyone special, Mai.."_ He said. _"It gets lonely out there. I just needed someone to keep me company and then.. I don't know. I guess I just got caught up."_

_"You don't have to explain yourself to me. You can't help who you love, I get it."_ She paused to scoff at the sentiment. _"Or at least I can't, I guess."_ Mai moved to the other side of the door frame, taking a spot next to her love with her knees still tucked tight against her chest. _"What do you want me to do, Zuko?"_ She asked.

_"I just want you to be yourself."_ He said, looking over at her. She refused to meet his eyes just yet. _"I want you to_ ** _enjoy_** _life. I want you to let yourself be strung out and crazy every now and then. Be angry, be sad, be passionate. Be_ ** _something_** _."_

_"That's not me, Zuko."_ Mai turned to look at him and he could see shimmering tears spilling down her cheeks. _"And I love you, but I can't be someone that I'm not.. I can't be Kai."_

Zuko wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her while she sobbed. He cried, too. They cried because, while they were still together for the time being, their hearts ached for other people. Zuko's for a girl that could never fully belong to anyone, and Mai's for a boy that'd been killed by his father over three years ago.


	29. Nobody Was Looking For Me

Kai acted as coach from the sidelines as Aang trained with the two other benders. They'd blindfolded him and spun him around a few times, forcing him to rely solely on his mind's eye for guidance. Three pillars of stone flew toward him and he dodged them with ease. But his mind's eye also had to help his oversized ears work harder. Aang could hear water flowing through the air. A whip controlled by Katara lashed out in his direction, he was able to redirect it and smack the water bender against the wrist. And then, just to impress Toph, he sent an unexpected boulder hurdling her way. She stopped it midair.

_"Nice job, Twinkle Toes."_ She said. _"Visualize, then attack!"_ Toph sent the boulder flying back toward him. Aang did what the badgermole would do and burrowed into the ground.

The boulder missed Aang by a long shot and hit Katara square in the chest, knocking her on her ass and covering her with dirt. She stood up and dusted off her dress, scowling. _"Maybe you should take your own advice, Toph!"_

_"What's the matter? Can't handle a little dirt, Madame Fussy-Britches?"_ Toph mocked. But she was soon the butt of the joke when Katara splashed her with a refreshing wave of cool water.

Sokka had been hiding behind a small hill, readying himself for his sneak attack, but the girlfight going on in front of them demanded more attention. He bumped Kai's hip with his own when he joined her. _"What's their deal?"_ He asked, standing a bit closer than he might've a few days before.

Kai shrugged her crossed arms and leaned her shoulder against his side. They couldn't get too comfy around the others, not that they ever really had _alone_ , either. They hadn't had a moment to even talk about their kiss or what it meant since fleeing from Shiva, the metal man.

_"They've been pushing each other's buttons all day."_ She said. _"Now's your chance. Aang's not paying attention."_

Sokka looked down at her with determination written all over his face. He tiptoed slowly toward the avatar, who still had his back turned to them. But as excitement overwhelmed the boy, he lifted his space sword and took off full speed ahead.

_"SNEAK ATTAAACK!"_ Sokka yelled. Aang didn't bother turning to look at him as he waved a wall of earth into his path, stopping the warrior dead in his tracks.

Kai smacked her face from second hand embarrassment. _"Sokka.. sneak attacks don't work if you yell it out loud."_ The wall disappeared and Sokka fell flat on his back.

_"I think your training's done for the day, Aang."_ She said as she approached Sokka. The battle between earth and water still raged in the mud pit near them, but that wasn't Kai's quarrel to settle. She kneeled next to Sokka and patted him firmly on the cheek until he opened his big blue eyes.

_"Any feedback?"_ He asked.

She huffed a small laugh and straightened back up. _"Yeah. Do better."_ With the stomp of her foot, the bed of earth below him forced him to stand. Sokka chased after her as she walked nonchalantly away from the other three.

_"Hey! Where are you guys going?"_ Aang yelled from a distance.

_"Into town!"_ She shouted back as Sokka caught up. _"Do your avatar thing, figure out why Katara and Toph can't get along. We'll be back before dinner!"_

Aang turned back around to see the two girls at each other's throats and covered from head to toe in mud. He sighed dramatically, this may be his toughest mission yet.

* * *

Sokka followed closely behind Kai as she strolled through the outdoor farmer's market. Fire Nation crop was in season this time of year and the produce stands were overflowing with hearty fruits and vegetables -- but food of such quality came at a price.

_"Ugh, why are we even here?"_ Sokka complained while holding his grumbling belly. _"We only have two silver coins left and I'm STARVING!"_

She swiped a ripe red apple from the trough, tucking it close to her side. Sokka saw the thievery and he assumed everyone else did, too. _"What are you doing?!"_ He whispered through a clenched jaw, grabbing her wrist. His fingers fit completely around it.

She turned to face him and pulled their hands between the two of them, keeping the stolen goods concealed. _"You're hungry. We're broke. I'm feeding you. What issue could you possibly have with that?"_ She mumbled, watching Sokka's eyes glance over her shoulder at the merchant.

Kai knew that he hadn't noticed. No one had. She could see that just with the bump of her bare foot against the ground. He reluctantly let go of her wrist and she swiped another, along with a pineapple just to test her luck.

_"How are you so good at this?"_ Sokka asked as he continued to stroll along beside her, keeping a close eye on her sneaky fingers. Not a single soul noticed all the things she slipped into her dress. A bag of jerky, raspberries, she even pickpocketed the switchblade from some unsuspecting man's trousers.

She smiled up at him. _"I was homeless for three years, Sokka. Petty crimes paid for what petty jobs couldn't."_

Sokka'd almost forgotten about that portion of her life — about the fact that she had an entire existence before their friendship started, really. Even after a year of traveling on the back of a bison and sleeping on the ground, he still had never really considered himself "homeless". He'd always had somewhere to lay his head at night, even if that place _was_ just a travel pillow.

_"What was that like?"_ He inquired. _"If you don't mind talking about it."_

Kai dipped between two produce stands, leading him toward the trimmed grass behind the market where they could picnic. _"It was.. an adjustment, for a while."_ She said.

Truth be told, Kai loved her days after being dismissed by her father. It'd been tough at first, making friends when the only one she'd ever had was also being hidden from the world. It was hard not knowing if your next meal would come from a kitchen or a compost pile. But she'd met so many generous people along the way that'd shown her the kindness that her father lacked. And then others taught her more useful skills, like how to survive when the generous people were few and far between.

_"But it was so much fun."_ She said. They sat in the grass and Kai unloaded all of the stolen goods. She tossed the bag of jerky to Sokka and his greedy little fingers scooped it up in a pinch.

_"Fun?"_ He asked. _"Fun how?"_

It was a hard feeling to explain, the way she thought about those years now that she was looking back on them. It almost made her feel almost nostalgic, like she was missing out by tagging along with the avatar and his gang. But she hadn't really been doing anything in particular besides wasting time until the universe told her what to do next. Maybe that was why she'd enjoyed it so, because back then, the universe _rarely_ had orders for her.

_"I was free for the first time. No rules to follow, no invisible boundaries that I wasn't allowed to cross, no training schedule."_ And then there was the darker side to her freedom, the things that most people didn't consider a privilege. _"When someone hit me, I was finally allowed to hit back. I could cry when I was sad and lash out when I was angry without having the life beat out of me for it afterwards."_ She laughed and shook her head. _"I remember the first time a boy looked me in the eyes and said hello. Spirits, I thought that's what love felt like."_

Kai still thought of that boy sometimes. His father had just been captured by fire nation soldiers, along with every other earth bender in his village. They'd both been in desperate need of a friend.

Sokka's mouth went slack mid chew. He lost his appetite for a moment as the mental image of a young Kai, beaten bloody, flashed before his eyes.

_"I.. I didn't know —"_ Sokka stammered repeatedly. _"I didn't know it was, uh.."_ His chest heated with anger and his cheeks flushed a rosy pink from embarrassment over his response.

It dawned on Kai then that Sokka didn't _know_ her. He knew who she was now, who she was becoming, and he knew who destiny had attempted to "fate" her into being, but he didn't know any of the things that'd molded and whipped her into the person that sat before him. Maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe it was better that way.

_"It, uh.. I guess it sounds a lot worse than it felt at the time, really."_ She said. Her own discreet way of apologizing.

Sokka wanted to know more. He'd watched her from afar for months, watched _over_ her, just like he did the three other members of their gang. That was his role, the protector. But she'd never needed protecting. He'd always been enamored by that.

_"Tell me."_ He said with more strength in his voice this time. _"I wanna know. Go ahead, tell me your worst."_

Kai looked down at the selection of fruits in front of them and her mind swarmed with foul memories. They brought the metallic taste of blood back into her mouth. She wanted to be rid of it immediately, so she chose an apple and bit into it.

_"No."_ Was all she said. Plain and simple. Kai knew what her "worst" was.

_"Kai, I wanna—"_

_"I said no, Sokka."_ She growled, and that two letter word echoed in her mind.

When she looked up at Sokka with a predator's stare, like a lion peeking through the tall grass in the Sahara, he could see that she wasn't actually looking at him. She was looking right through him, as if he wasn't even there. His face was hot again.

The apple began to feel heavy in her hand and Sokka was aware of that. He noticed every little change in an instant; the way her shoulders were tense but her fingers went slack. He saw the hairs on her arms stand on end like a wild dog readying itself for a nasty fight, yet her bottom lip trembled slightly with fear. Without thinking, he reached out to touch her and she flinched. Sokka froze with his hand midair. The atmosphere between them was thick with unwelcome tension.

_"I'm not gonna hurt you.."_ He said and slowly continued moving his hand forward until it met her cheek. _"I'm sorry. Okay?"_

Sokka had only intended to touch her briefly in an attempt to bring her back down to earth, but she leaned into his touch. Kai dropped the apple and rested her hand overtop his, securing it on her face.

_"How about I tell you my best instead?"_ She said, trying her damndest to sound like she hadn't just been dissociating completely.

_"You don't have to tell me anything, Kai."_

_"These three ladies took me in once. They were only a few years older than we are now."_ She said. _"They were so fucking radiant and_ ** _alive_** _. I wanted to be just like them, in love with life and myself and everyone around me. They'd sneak me into taverns and drag me to fairs. I danced for the first time with those three. They took care of me during my first hangover."_

Sokka felt her lips curve into a smile on her cheek. He tried to lower his hand but she wouldn't let him just yet. When she finally did, her fingers curled between his and they rested between their laps.

_"Why'd you leave then?"_ He asked.

Kai rolled her eyes. _"The township we were in was backwards. They didn't want a bunch of women living together, so they told us to split."_

A brothel. That's what they'd thought the women were running. Nevermind the fact that no one had a shred of evidence to back such a claim up. But that village was the girls' home, not Kai's. She left so that they could stay together.

_"What about yours?"_ She asked and dropped his hand, picking back up her apple. _"Your best day since leaving home. Go."_

Was bringing up past girlfriends to the girl you're currently courting tacky? Immediately he thought that maybe the answer was his days with Yue or Suki, but those had also been some of his worst. He brought his fingers to his chin in deep thought.

_"This might sound corny, but.. probably our kiss. Every other kiss I've had has been a farewell, even if I didn't know it yet. Ours was just... just nice."_

Sokka caught himself glancing down at the girl's lips, they were wet with sweet apple juice. His chest felt heavy. Spirits, he wanted to kiss her again, he'd wanted to even before their first one ended. Kai's mouth turned up into a subtle smile and he knew that he'd been caught.

_"You don't have to ask for permission."_ She said. Sokka was the nicest guy to ever court her — if whatever they were falling into could even be considered such. And he was savvy. But he was nervous and too courteous to take the reins like some of her other suitors. She could sense both his fear and desire simultaneously. _"I like when you kiss me, Sokka. I want you to kiss me whenever you feel like it."_

She didn't expect him to act so quickly on the offer, but Sokka immediately leaned in as she was lifting the apple to take another bite. He wanted to taste the juice that was still lingering on her lips, and he did, though only briefly.

It was just a simple kiss, one that was over too quickly for her to reciprocate. He pulled away from her and asked, _"You said whenever, right?"_

Kai smiled and tossed the fruit, her appetite was insatiable to it now. Her sticky fingers found their way to the side of his face and pushed through his hair lovingly, pulling his face back to hers. Sokka moved his body closer and kissed her like he'd dreamed of doing for days. When their foreheads met, his heart fluttered wildly with untamable butterflies.

Kai's mind wandered to thoughts she shouldn't have been having. _Is this the furthest he's gone with a girl? Soft, innocent kisses._ She asked herself. _Is it too soon to ask him to touch me? Because fuck, do I want him to touch me.._

He did it on his own before she could feel guilty for wanting such a thing so quickly. Sokka placed one gentle hand on her waist while the other rested on the ground between them for support. She could feel his heartbeat raging and his warm blood pumping.

Kai played with his soft locks while he kissed her. She really did love his grown out undercut. His thick, dark hair complimented his darker skin tone, and his icy blue eyes tied it all together. She sat her free hand on the ground behind her and leaned back, pulling him by the back of the head with her.

Sokka's hand slipped further behind to the small of her back and she felt his lips freeze for a moment. He was scared that he'd pushed her too far by exploring her body further.

But she couldn't stand the thought of him not kissing her.

_"I'm not made of glass."_ She whispered to him with her forehead still leaned against his. _"You can touch me."_

And Sokka dove back into her, kissing her more firmly this time. He pressed further into the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. His lips parted and she finally got her fill of his taste, that watermelon and mint that she'd only smelled and sampled once before. Sokka's tongue dipped into her mouth, brushing against hers.

Kai'd never melted over a man before. She'd had crushes and desires like everyone else, she'd swooned like a schoolgirl over guys her age and ones far older than her, but never had she become putty in their hands. Even when she let them think that they were in control, she always secretly had them wrapped around her finger. Not now. Sokka's gentleman-like patience made her want to give herself to him simply because if anyone deserved it, it was him.

So she did. She sunk into his kiss and relinquished all control for the first time.

* * *

The two of them floated back to their camp with the few groceries they'd stolen. By then, their lips were kissed raw and their skin was marked by the other's invisible fingerprints. Sokka's hair was tousled, he didn't bother fixing it.

As they rounded the curve of the trail they'd been following they could still hear shouting in the distance, _"Could you for ONCE stop being such a sourpuss and lighten up?!"_

It was Toph's voice that was raised, but Katara's followed shortly after, _"Oh, I'm sorry! You think I should be more like you? Like some wild child?!"_

Kai huffed and rolled her eyes. _"They're_ ** _still_** _fighting?"_

When she and Sokka finally made it back to camp, the war was still raging. They saw the reason for it now, the few stolen groceries they carried with them was nothing compared to what sat in baskets around the fire. Fruits, vegetables and goods galore.

_"I don't think so. I think you miss them, but you just don't wanna deal with that, so instead you act like this crazy person!"_ Katara yelled, minding Sokka and Kai no attention.

Kai rushed to her friend's defense. She placed a protective hand on Toph's shoulder and glared at Katara. _"Stop. You're bringing up stuff that you know nothing about."_

_"You're defending her?!"_ Katara asked, but Kai wasn't. She didn't even know what the fight was about just yet. _"These scams put us all at risk, and we don't need that. We've already got some third-eyed freak after us! We have enough money, so just stop!"_

Toph shook her shoulder free of Kai's grasp and continued to stand her ground. _"We're FINE, Katara! No one even knows that we're pulling scams!"_

Just as she said it, Aang cleared his voice. He stepped into the semi circle and pulled a piece of parchment out of his back pocket, unrolling it but holding it away from Katara so she couldn't see. _"Actually.. I found this when we were leaving town. It looks like some of those scammers caught on pretty fast.."_ He said as he turned the paper around.

It was a wanted poster with a cartoon scribbled on the front that very accurately resembled Toph. Katara flared with anger and the rest of them braced themselves for the explosion.

_"You aren't doing anymore scams, Toph."_ Kai snapped before the water bender had the chance to start in on her again. Toph opened her mouth to object, but she was abruptly shut down. _"Katara's right, they're already drawing too much attention to us. Lay off of them until we get to our next stop."_

_"What? You, too??"_ Toph said with disappointed surprise. _"But you used to pull scams all the time! You told me all about the stealing and_ _—_ _"_

Kai's calm, pale eyes flared to life. _"You're not me. I told you to stop, so STOP! And I don't want to hear another word about it!"_

Sokka, Toph and Aang all took a step back after the outburst. They'd never heard anyone talk to Toph like that, besides Katara, but at least that was typical of _her_. Toph's brow furrowed with anger and she clenched her fists so tight at her sides that her knuckles began to turn white. _"You don't think I can take care of myself!"_ She shouted. _"Well, I can! Besides, you did it, you have no right to tell me to stop!"_

_"Nobody was looking for_ _ME_ _, Toph!"_ Kai shouted, a small tremor deep underneath her feet followed after. _"I didn't have a bounty on my head, you do! I didn't have parents that were searching every corner of the Earth for me, you do! I didn't have a single fucking thing to lose if I got caught, YOU DO!"_

Katara was standing behind Kai now with her hands perched on her hips, as if she were on the winning team. Toph glared back and forth at the both of them. Her bottom lip quivered for a moment and for the first time ever, she shouted back at Kai. _"The two of you are just like them! You're just like my parents! Well guess what_ _—_ _You're NOT my mom and you're NOT my dad! I'll stop when I want to and NOT when either of you tell me to!"_

Toph began to stomp away, each of her footsteps leaving a deep imprint in the ground below her. Katara was feeling very proud of herself right about now, having Kai on her side and all. _"Don't you walk away from us while we're talking to you!"_ She yelled after the girl.

Kai snapped in her direction. _"Or what? You'll send her to her room? She's right, you're not her mom, so stop acting like it."_

Katara's face fell and she slumped away feeling defeated, leaving toward the bottom of the hill that Toph was already sitting on top of.

After a long period of silence between Aang, Kai and Sokka, the avatar finally spoke up. _"Should we.. say something to them? I don't think this fight is gonna get resolved on its own.."_

Kai looked over her shoulder toward the cliff where Toph was dangling her feet over the edge. She was hurting, Kai'd been able to feel it since the catacombs incident — when Toph clung to her for life out of fear of being abandoned again. _"Toph's pretty pissed at me right now. Sokka, you'll probably have more luck with her."_

_"Right. I'll go talk to her."_ He said and placed a reassuring hand on Kai's shoulder. _"But you should go to Katara. I think you hurt her feelings, but only because she respects you."_

* * *

Kai found Katara submerged in a pool of water at the bottom of the cliff. She'd been crying, her cheeks were red and puffy and her eyes were bloodshot.

_"Mind if I join you?"_ She asked quietly. Katara nodded but didn't say a word. Kai stripped and entered the cool water, dipping her head under and reemerging in front of the girl.

_"Let me guess. You came here to tell me to lay off_ _—_ _that I'm being too tough on Toph and that I need to give her space."_ She scoffed. _"I don't know how you deal with her sometimes."_

Kai smiled. Spirits help this girl if she ever had any daughters, she'd be in for a rough few years.

_"You_ ** _are_** _being too tough on her."_ Kai said. _"But you're doing it out of love, so I get it."_ Katara glanced up from her reflection in the water. _"She doesn't know what that's like, Katara."_

_"But, her parents.."_ Katara started.

_"Her parents locked her up because they thought she was weak. They refused her proper training because they couldn't accept her for who she was. When you try to parent her_ _—"_ Katara tried to interrupt at the accusation but Kai continued to speak. _"And you_ ** _do_** _try to parent her, you do it to all of us, she thinks you're doing it for the same reasons that her mother did. Because you don't believe in her."_

The water bender sighed, _"I guess I never thought of it like that.. How did I fix this then?"_

_"Your mother loved you, right? You know that without a doubt."_

_"Of course!"_ Katara snapped. She'd begun to stand in the water from the shock of being asked such a thing.

_"Toph's doesn't. Or at least not who she_ ** _really_** _is, that's why we're so dependent on each other. Toph and I never had parents that loved us the way your parents love you and Sokka."_ It physically pained Kai to admit such a thing, and it hurt Katara just as equally to realize that what she was being told was the truth. _"I know that I'm too lenient with her, so maybe she needs a little bit of your tough love. But you need to love her the way that your mother loved you, by guiding her into doing what she wants_ ** _safely_** _instead of expecting her to just behave. She's been expected to behave her whole life."_

Katara sighed and another tear fell down her cheek. The pain of losing her mother was tormenting enough.. But the thought of her mom having not loved her? That was unimaginable. Kai pulled her into a hug and brushed through her hair. _"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'll take your side the next time you and Sokka are arguing to make it up to you, sound good?"_

She huffed a laugh against Kai's shoulder and nodded before pulling away. She was just wiping the fallen tears from her cheeks when the perfect form of an apology popped into her head.

_"Let's go.. I think I know how to make this better."_

* * *

Katara and Kai left a trail of water behind them as they walked back to camp. Sokka and Toph were already there, and Toph seemed to be in better spirits than she had been all day.

Kai nudged the girl closer to Toph, silently supporting the plan that they'd cooked up back at the pond. _"Hi, Toph. Um, I wanna.."_

Toph held up a silencing palm. _"Katara, stop. You don't need to apologize. I was the one being stupid. These scams are out of control, and I'm done with them."_

_"Actually, I wasn't going to apologize. I was gonna say.."_ Katara looked over her shoulder at Kai and smiled before continuing. _"I wanna pull a scam with you. The_ ** _ultimate_** _scam."_

Sokka, Toph and Aang's jaws all fell while Katara and Kai smiled with pride.

_"Are you kidding me?! You know I'm in!"_ Toph shouted excitedly. She bounced into Katara's arms, pulling her down into a tight hug.

Sokka snuck over to Kai and bumped her side, looking down at her, impressed. _"How in the hell did you manage that??"_

Kai snaked her arms around his waist. The others were too preoccupied to mind them any attention anyways. Sokka pulled her under his wing, slinging his arm over her shoulder.

_"Just some girl talk, that's all."_ They looked at the two benders who now seemed to be the best of friends. Katara was laying out her plan for Toph, who listened intently. _"You didn't do so bad yourself."_ She said.

_"Alright, let's go! If we do it now we can be back before sundown!"_ Katara said. She really seemed to be into the idea of pulling a scam of her own. She walked with Toph back up the beaten path that led toward the village where there was a heft bounty out for her.

* * *

The two girls were gone for a long time. The sun hadn't quite begun to set, but it was getting close. Aang was keeping himself preoccupied by stirring Katara's cauldron of soup, but the meal wasn't even close to being done and none of them knew the rest of the recipe.

_"Do you think this scam should be taking so long?"_ Kai asked Aang since he was the one that'd gone scamming with her earlier.

_"I was just thinking the same thing.. We better check it out."_ He responded. _"Appa, you keep an eye on dinner. Don't let it burn."_

The three of them traveled down to the village to find it barren. It was like a ghost town, shops had been boarded up and it was almost like no one had lived there in years.

_"Where do you think they might be?"_ Sokka asked quietly. Still, his voice seemed to echo through the empty streets.

_"Where do you think anyone is?..."_ Aang asked.

Suddenly, the pressure in Kai's ears dropped into a high pitch whistle. She turned and the world around her seemed to move in slow motion. Shiva stood on the top of a nearby building, his head tilted back as he prepared to strike. _"Watch out!!"_ She yelled, grabbing the two boys and pulling them out of the way just in time to not be blasted into the spirit world.

The three of them rolled behind a statue of Fire Lord Ozai, Sokka holding his head. _"It's Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Man!"_

_"What? His name is Shiva."_

Shiva turned the corner of the statue and the pressure dropped again. They took off weaving through the streets and alleys, trying to evade his attacks. Their zig zags proved effective for a bit, but soon Sokka and Kai were being knocked back into a wheelbarrow together while Aang got the worst of the blast and hit the cobblestone ground.

_"This guy is too good! He shoots fire from his BRAIN!"_ Sokka yelled, silently scanning over Kai for any more serious injuries.

_"We need to split up."_ She said. _"He can't chase all of us. Aang, you stick to the rooftops. Sokka and I will try to distract him."_

_"US??"_ Sokka asked and helped her out of the farming equipment. _"But HE'S the avatar!"_

Shiva emerged from the dispersing smoke he'd produced and Kai grabbed Sokka by the wrist, pulling him along with her as Aang used a wind gust to take off into the sky. The wheelbarrow they'd just crawled out of was dissipated in the next instant.

Kai did all she could to fight off the assassin and simultaneously keep Sokka safe. She knocked him off his feet more times that she could count and sent slabs of concrete headed straight for him, all one handed. She hadn't noticed that her right hand was intertwined with Sokka's so tightly. They slid around the corner into a dark alleyway just as the air surrounding them lit up again with fire.

The two of them tumbled to the ground. The smoke that filled the air was heavy and dark, this whole village would soon be up in flames.

_"Sokka, I don't know what to_ _—_ _"_ She said, already out of breath, but was cut off by a pair of warm lips smashing against hers. Any doubt that she had about herself disappeared and never showed its face again when her eyes reopened.

Sokka sat beside her like nothing had even happened.

_"What was that for?"_ Kai asked.

He shrugged and pulled her to her feet. _"You told me you wanted me to kiss you whenever I felt like it. Well, we might die, so I felt like kissing you one last time."_ He peeked around the corner for a moment and then back over his shoulder. _"Is that still okay?"_

Even through the stress and smoke and smog, Kai managed a smile. If there was _any_ time that she wanted to be kissed, it was right before she died.

_"I think he's.. Gone."_ Sokka said. Another loud blast erupted in the far off distance.

_"He's going after Aang, we have to help him!"_ Kai said. Sokka grabbed her by the wrist and took off in the direction of the explosion, but it was hard to find in the winding maze that was hidden by thick smoke. Shingles and concrete crumbled around them as more blasts rang out from above. Kai felt the ground beneath her shake, sending a supersonic pulse through her body. She got the slightest glimpse of Aang's small body being thrown around like a rag doll.

Kai redirected Sokka and led them through the piles of debris. They finally found him. Aang sat holding his beaten body at the foot of Ozai's statue, Shiva stood before him with his head already reared back and third eye glowing red on his forehead.

Sokka gripped Kai's shoulders, assuming that there was nothing else they could do. She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed down the lump in her throat.

_"Aang, get up!"_ A voice yelled from behind the assassin.

Kai and Sokka opened their eyes to see that Shiva's head was now encased in a block of ice. He struggled to free himself as Katara and Toph darted toward the air bender. Toph felt the other two gang members as her feet hit the ground and she turned toward them. _"Kai, Sokka! Come on, let's get out of here!"_

But the ice had already melted. Shiva shot another blast from his head and Kai forced a boulder in his direction. It exploded, sending shards of rock flying and raining down on them. One small pebble was all it took for them to make their escape. It hit the assassin's third eye and the next time he tried to bend with his mind, he found that he couldn't. His chi was blocked. But he tried again, and the air around him ignited, blowing himself back against one of the only remaining walls in the village.

* * *

It was late in the night when they got to their next camp. Appa landed and the crew got to work setting up their pop-up homes.

_"Katara.. Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?"_ Kai heard Toph asking from afar. _"I need you to write some things down for me.. I wanna send a letter to my parents."_

Kai stopped unpacking her bedroll and nudged Sokka, motioning for him to take notice of the truce that was going on behind them.

_"I'd be happy to help, Toph."_ Katara smiled and then turned to Aang, who'd been sharing a blanket with her throughout the night recently. _"You don't mind, do you, Aang?"_

_"Of course not! I think Appa misses having a cuddle buddy, anyways. Don't ya, buddy?"_ He said, and the bison roared in agreement.

_"Is that okay with you guys?"_ Toph asked, speaking to both Kai and Sokka.

Sokka looked down at Kai and cocked an eyebrow. He found himself wanting to kiss her an awful lot lately.

_"I think Sokka and I can hold down the fort for a night."_ Kai said, and laid her palette out a little closer to his this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI, I rewrote this chapter like five times because I hated it. Super excited for next chapter though! Thank you to everyone still reading and just tuning in!


	30. The Throne Inside Your Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** WARNING - NSFW CONTENT *****

Kai sat in a dark room. Complete blackness surrounded her, but it was illuminated blackness. She could see that she was in only her night clothes — a binder that she'd borrowed from Katara and compression shorts she'd stolen off of a laundry line. Below her was a sturdy chair, but _that_ she couldn't see. Not because it wasn't visible from her position, but because it was transparent. As if she were floating in a seated stance with no strain at all on her muscles.

Her head rolled around on top of her shoulders as she came to, arms folded loosely in her lap. This dark, damp place seemed both familiar and foreign.

_"Where am I?"_ She whispered to herself. Her voice was raspy from a dry, scratchy throat.

_"You don't recognize it? We're in your head."_ A voice said back. The bodiless voice didn't frighten Kai. It was deep and frail and almost recognizable. It seemed to come from both nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

She tried to stand from her imaginary seat but found herself to be restrained somehow. Her arms and legs were free of fetters, but she had absolutely no control over anything below her neck.

_"I can't move."_ She said, to which the voice responded, _"Because you are tired, my dear child."_

Kai was suddenly aware of how right they were. She was so, so exhausted, both mentally and physically.

_"Don't worry, we'll take it from here."_ It said. _"Rest. Close your eyes. Don't worry your pretty little head about a thing.."_

Though the voice was low and old, it was oddly hypnotic. She found her chin drooping back down against her chest, the illuminated darkness began closing in as her eyes grew heavy.

_"I don't want to.."_ She whispered. _"Wh-who are you.."_

The voice paused for an uncomfortable amount of time before answering, and Kai felt the hair raising sensation of being in terrible danger creep up her spine.

_"I'm every nightmare you've ever had."_ The voice said, drawing out its words in a slithering, wicked way. _"I'm every stomach ache and fit of rage. I'm the only thing that has ever loved your rotten, miserable soul. I'm the only thing that loves you, and you love me, too."_

Kai gained a little bit of consciousness as her stomach turned upside down with nausea. She tried lifting her head, but it felt to be packed full of cement. _"No.. no."_ She whined. _"I don't.. I don't love you..."_

_"Oh, but you do, sweet girl."_ It said, sounding closer now. _"Your mother and father, your friends, even those boys that you've taken the liberty to entertain.. they don't love you. They don't know what goes on in here, in your head. But I do. I know of every deliciously vile thought you've ever had, of every damning, selfish impulse you've ever acted on."_

The voice continued to speak while Kai tried with what little energy she had to drown it out. Her head rolled back and she stared at what would've been the ceiling or sky. But still, only darkness.

_"I'm the giddy twitching of your fingers when you draw your swords. I'm the tingling between your thighs when the water tribe boy touches your face, and when the prince opens your legs with little resistance, even when that dirty cook looks you up and down like a fresh cut of meat. I'm the reason you feel no shame. And you love feeling no shame for all of the heinous things you do — your lying and thievery and promiscuity — therefore you love me."_

Kai's mouth stopped moving but her thoughts continued flowing aloud around her. She _was_ in her own head, after all.

_"If it weren't for me, you would've never made it. Without me, you're just a lost, lonely, unloveable little girl."_ It said. _"I'm your oldest friend and your mortal enemy. But I'm no mortal. And you.."_ It sucked in through sharpened invisible teeth as if being turned on by its own words. _"Oh, you.. someday you won't be either. And then we'll have our time on the throne. The throne you're sitting on now, the one inside your head."_

Her eyes opened wider and the manifestation of darkness sucked out all the light around her. Still, she could feel it. She could feel it's footsteps rock her mind as if it ran full speed toward her, a raging bull that meant to impale her on its horns. The next time it spoke, the voice boomed throughout the never ending room, causing her to freeze with fear.

_"Now sleep, my love. Sleep! Because one day, you will enter the everlasting sleep, and I will be just waking up!"_

The ground dropped out from underneath her and Kai was jolted awake. She gasped for air and held her chest with both hands, it felt like she was having a heart attack. Her heart pounded against her chest, she could hear it in her ears and feel it pumping blood maniacally through her veins.

She felt around in the dimly lit space surrounding her. Bedrolls and travel blankets, that's what her hands found. The memory of lying down for a nap hours earlier slowly entered her mind. That was during the late afternoon hours after days of traveling, it was night now. She could hear the gentle sounds of her friends voices from outside of the rock tent, as well as a crackling fire.

Kai stumbled out of the structure. She looked down at herself, she was wearing the same thing she had been in her dream; Katara's borrowed binder and a stolen pair of compression shorts. Her body was dripping with night terror sweats and her unruly hair clung to her face.

_"You okay?"_ A voice asked from around the campfire. It was Aang. He was resting his head on Katara's lap, across from them sat Sokka and Toph on a fallen log.

Kai rubbed the sleep off of her face and walked closer to the fire. She was unreasonably cold for how warm it was out. _"Yeah, sorry, I just.. nightmare."_

She took a seat on the log in the open space between Toph and Sokka. _"Roasted walnut?"_ Toph asked, and offered her a handful. She took them and ate.

_"Wanna tell us about your dream?"_ Katara asked. _"We're telling spooky stories. It was probably Sokka's screaming like a little girl that woke you up!"_ She said, giggling to herself.

A hazy memory of the voice echoed in her mind — _without me, you're just a lost, lonely, unloveable little girl_ — that's what it'd said.

Sokka crossed his arms and glared at his sister, _"I was NOT! And my story was way scarier than yours!"_

Her nightmare was already fading into oblivion. She couldn't remember specific details, but the fear and realism still lingered.

_"I'm good. I can't even really remember it anymore."_ Her voice was still just as hoarse as it'd been, her mouth sticky and dry. Sokka passed her his canteen and smiled back when she nodded at him with appreciation.

She popped another roasted walnut into her mouth and washed it down with a swig of warm water. Behind her loud chewing and gulping, another sound echoed way off in the distance.

_I must be losing my mind.._ She thought as she stopped chewing to listen harder. Screaming. Far away, muffled screaming. The blood chilling screams of men, women and children. But it wasn't in her head this time.

_"Do you hear that?"_ Toph asked suddenly. Her small but strong fingers gripped Kai by the bicep and moved closer to her. _"I hear people under the mountain, they're screaming."_

Kai let out a breath that she didn't realize she'd been holding. Maybe she wasn't going crazy after all.

_"Yeah right, Toph. Cut it out."_ Sokka said from beside them.

_"No, she's right. I hear it, too."_ Kai held her friend's shivering body against her own and strained to listen harder. But it was gone, as if a switch had been flipped off.

Toph must've realized it, too, because her hold on Kai loosened. _"It just.. stopped."_

Katara, who was still cradling Aang's big head in her lap, chimed in. _"You're probably just jumpy from ghost stories, Toph. And Kai, you just woke up from a nightmare. I'm sure it's nothing."_

From the edge of the woods, a voice greeted them, _"Hello, children."_ It said, catching them all off guard. Kai screamed along with her friends and when she opened her eyes next, Sokka had nearly crawled into her lap along with Toph while Katara and Aang were holding each other just as closely as conjoined twins.

An elderly woman emerged from the shadows. _"Sorry to frighten you."_ She said. _"You children shouldn't be out in the shadows by yourself at night. I have an inn nearby. Why don't you come back there for some spiced tea and warm beds?"_

The woman's voice caused Kai to cut her eyes. It sounded just like the voice from her dreams, or at least what she could remember of it, except feminine. Like she wore a mask of aging fragility that disguised her horrible strength.

_"Yes, please!"_ Sokka said, speaking for the group. And the woman began walking away.

* * *

The woman's name was Hama. She led them back to her cozy motel in the woods and served them all tea. Tea that wasn't as perfect as Iroh's, but good tea nonetheless. She told them of how villagers had been going missing in the woods, that they wandered in and never seemed to find their way out. That was why they shouldn't be exploring around the forest at night time, she said.

After her abysmal tale of missing children, she showed them all to their rooms. They each got their own, except Momo, who'd chosen to cuddle up in Toph's bed for the night.

The rooms were old and dusty, like no one had ever _actually_ stayed in them. Hand sewn quilts draped the beds and cobwebs lined the dark corners of the ceiling. Kai pulled the blankets up to her chin to shield herself from the drafty air. She wasn't tired, her nightmare still lingered on the edge of her mind and made her feel restless.

Her ears perked up at a scuffling behind her door, a small shadow moving in the moonlight that shined underneath it.

She paused for a moment to listen. Not another sound rang out through the inn until that scuffling turned to long, drawn out scratches against wood.

Kai slipped her leg out from under the quilt and placed her foot on the hardwood floor, immediately catching a glimpse of who it was.

_"I can see you, stupid!"_ She whispered and waved the door open, revealing Sokka smiling coyly behind it. _"Hurry up, before someone catches you!"_

Sokka snuck into the forbidden territory and locked the door behind him.

_"I didn't think you'd still be up."_ He said as he pulled his tunic over his head, leaving him in just his shorts.

Kai moved to one side of the small bed and turned down the quilt, welcoming him to lie down next to her. Sokka slid underneath the sheets and pushed his arm beneath the pillow that her head rested on, he left as much space as possible between the two of them for now.

_"That nightmare.."_ She said while rubbing her face with her free hand. _"Fuck, they feel so real sometimes."_

Sokka's lips pursed with worry as he noticed the dark circles forming under her eyes. _"You've been having them a lot lately."_ He said. She'd been getting plenty of sleep recently, but none of it restful. Sokka listened to her toss and whimper for hours some nights from the terrors. _"You sure you don't wanna talk about it?"_

She shook her head and moved her hand to the crook of his neck, his soft skin and the feeling of him weighing down her mattress brought her comfort. She trailed her fingers up through his hair, pulling his top knot loose. Sokka closed his eyes and leaned into her touch like an alley cat begging for physical affection.

Most days, Kai was able to keep her attraction towards Sokka at bay. It was an unfortunate necessity, as they didn't want the rest of the gang to know they were using each other for selfish comfort during these trying times. But he was quickly getting used to her lenient boundaries. The further he allowed himself to go, like the wrapping of his arm around her waist and pulling her body close to his that he was doing now, the more pleasantly frustrated she became.

Kai smiled as his lips closed in on hers. He really did kiss her whenever he wanted, though he never pressed his luck around the others. Sokka's tongue brushed hers as his hand explored every scar and healing wound on her back. The first time he'd felt them, they'd caused his vision to go red with anger. Now they were just as much a part of her to him as her fingerprints.

They wanted so badly to be closer to each other. Kai, especially. She decided to take the plunge by slowly sliding her leg up and hiking it over his waist.

Sokka hesitated, but then ran his hand over her knee and up her outer thigh. New realms for him to explore. He leaned further into her, tilting her back slightly against the mattress.

_"What was that?"_ Kai asked, pulling her lips off of his and staring with concentration into the darkness. She'd heard a soft creaking sound that told her they weren't the only two awake.

_"Probably just a mouse. Don't worry, my space sword's good for pest control, too."_ He joked and kissed her gently on the chin, and then over her jaw.

Kai leaned further away from him and over the side of the bed, touching her fingers to the floor and waiting for another ounce of movement to give her a glimpse into the rest of the home. It came to her in neon blue reverberations. Sokka heard it too this time, but he didn't know why Kai was now covering her mouth to avoid boisterous laughter.

_"What is it??"_ He asked curiously, and she shook her head in response.

_"You don't wanna know, I swear."_ She said with tears in her eyes.

_"What are you talking about??"_ Sokka sat up on his knees, bringing her legs with him as he spoke to her with seriousness in his tone. _"Tell me!"_

Kai rolled onto her back with her legs draped over his thighs. _"It's just your sister."_ She said, and watched the concern fall from his face. _"I think she's sneaking into Aang's room."_

Sokka tensed up for a moment and Kai couldn't contain her amusement any long, quiet laughter spilled from her chest. Sokka palmed his face in disdain, _"Oh, God. You're lying!"_ She shook her head, unable to gather enough breath to produce real words.

_"You think something's funny?"_ Sokka said as he glared down at her. She looked so radiant in the pale moonlight. Her hair was unbraided, a rare find, and strewn about her pillow. _"I'll show you FUNNY!"_

He brought his fingers down on her bare torso and her body instantly contracted. Years of strenuous training and yet she was still the victim of horribly ticklish skin.

Kai couldn't hold in her laughter anymore, her spine twisted as her hands fought to pry his fingers away. _"Stop!"_ She begged with a gaping smile. _"Sokka, please!"_ But he wouldn't let up. Sokka gathered her wrists together with one hand while showing her no mercy with the other.

_"You want me to stop? Admit that you're a liar!"_ He demanded.

Her legs had hooked themselves behind his waist in an attempt to gain control, though it didn't work. Heaven forbid any of her enemies ever learn of this weakness, she wouldn't stand a chance in a tickling duel. Kai gasped for air, her lungs burned beneath her chest. Even if she'd wanted to call a truce, she wouldn't have been able to. She mustered up all of her strength and pulled his torso down with her legs, bringing him to his side on the mattress. She tried tugging her wrists away but his hand went with hers over their heads, now lost in the sea of pillows above them. Sokka used his own weight as a weapon to regain control, pressing his body against hers and rolling himself on top of her to keep her still.

But with her legs hooked around his waist, he pressed his lap firmly between her thighs. Her lips were inches from his face when he heard her soft, breathy moan.

Sokka froze with himself still pressed against her. She was spent from the rough housing, her binder-clad chest rising and falling dramatically against his.

Kai couldn't bring herself to feel guilty for the rogue moan — not when it felt _so_ good with him pressed against her. Every hair on her arms stood on end and her legs went slack around his waist, giving up her fight for dominance. She didn't want dominance over Sokka. She wanted to share it with him.

_"They can't be doing any worse than we are."_ She whispered.

Sokka's hand freed her wrists and tucked itself into the crook of her neck. He just needed to touch her. It was impulsive, her skin seemed to shimmer in the dim lighting and he needed reassurance that all of this was real — that _she_ was real.

_"What_ ** _are_** _we doing?"_ He asked as the fingers that'd been assaulting her sensitive skin fluttered more gently against her torso. He moved his thumb across her navel and over the curve of her hips. She was so soft, like a wool blanket that he wanted to wrap around himself for the night.

He touched her face, too. The summer freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose and cheeks called for him. His thumb traced her jaw and over her chin, brushing across her lips as he stared at them.

Kai kissed his rough, calloused thumb. She felt a growing in his groin as she did so. His skin that was pressed against hers flared with newly found warmth.

_"I want what you want, Sokka."_ She whispered to him.

Sokka found solace in those words, knowing that they were spoken just for him. He held her face in his hands as their noses brushed and their lips met again.

The two teenagers fell into each other wholeheartedly and completely. His hand explored all of her dips and curves while Kai's heels dug into the back of his thighs. She needed him. _Spirits_ , did she need him — and she could feel that he needed her just as fiercely.

Sokka rocked his hips slowly between her thighs and she fed sweet, soft moans into his mouth. Her calves were steadily forcing his shorts down his hips until he came to loathe them entirely. They were keeping him from her. Sokka kicked them off beneath the cover of the quilt. His fingers found the edge of her compression shorts and dipped beneath them, grazing the wispy hairs of parts of her he'd never seen.

Sokka sat up to look at her in the moonlight, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The bulge she'd caused him to grow strained even against his loose underwear.

He tugged on her shorts, silently asking her for permission even though she'd already told him it wasn't needed. Kai nodded and when he pulled them slowly down her legs, she tilted her hips to help them come off.

" _You're sure?"_ He asked, and she wondered if he was asking her that or himself.

Kai reached out and pulled the band of his underwear over the restrained head of his hardened cock. She nodded, taking him in her hand and gently massaging his length.

Sokka closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation as he felt around for his abandoned shorts. Kai saw something in his hand when it re-emerged.

_"I.. I have protection. If you want me to use it, I mean.."_ He said.

Kai smiled a silent huff of laughter, not at his obvious inexperience, but over the fact that he'd brought protection with him in the first place. He knew that this was coming. He'd made his mind up about it before ever even leaving his room.

_"No offense, but I don't exactly trust your pull out skills."_ She said.

He rolled the lambskin over his shaft. _"Honestly, I don't either."_

Sokka slipped out of his underwear and she pulled her binder over her head. He thought to himself that he'd never truly witnessed beauty until now. His thumb grazed over her erect nipple and he brought himself down on top of her again, kissing up her chest until their lips reunited.

He dipped into her body by just an inch or two. He wasn't as thick as her other two lovers, but she'd already seen that he made up for it in length. Kai braced herself by draping her arm around his shoulder, the other pawing at his waist for more.

Sokka sunk into her. He held her face close to his while his other hand other tucked beneath their bodies and gripped her supple ass. He pushed into her as deep as he could and stayed there while her wetness mingled with the thick hair below his waist.

And then again. Sokka rocked his lap back and then pushed his entire length into her. With every thrust, a heavenly whimpering sound escaped her lips and drowned out everything else in their dammed world.

Her fingers gripped his back, holding him close as he fucked her. Sokka buried his face against her shoulder and relished in how it felt to be surrounded by her warmth, to be allowed to love such a creature the way that they were loving each other.

_"Sokka.."_ She gasped his name as he brushed depths that no one else had.

He stopped, still halfway inside, and asked. _"Is this still okay? If you wanna stop, we can! We can—"_ Kai rolled her hips up to take the rest of him and kissed his neck.

They worked up a soft and steady rhythm, Sokka pushing his cock into her while she rolled her hips up to meet him. Every thrust was like a gentle wave that slowly dragged them out to sea. Their bodies moved like they'd been lovers for a lifetime, working together to meet their ultimate goal.

Kai felt the bubble inside of her expanding. Her skin was sticky and hot from their mixed sweat. _"Harder."_ She begged, and he obeyed. Sokka's lap met her with more vigor, he thrust his cock into her again and closed his eyes.

_Fuck, I can't take this.. I can't take_ **_her_ ** _..._

Her legs tightened around his waist and she saw vibrant colors bursting in the darkness of the ceiling. Her inner walls were milking his cock.

_"Sokka, I'm —"_

_"So am I."_

He crashed into her one last time and buried his face against her skin, muffling his loud groans. Kai's head rolled back against the pillows as she writhed beneath him.

And nothing outside of that room mattered. For once in as long as either of them could remember, they didn't think of the war that they were fighting. They didn't think of the fact their young lives may be cut short in just the next few weeks. It didn't matter because in that room, and in each other's arms, they were loved.

Their chests contracted against each other as they caught their breath. After Sokka came back to his senses, he pulled out of her and slipped off the lambskin protection, tying it off and dropping in on the floor beside the bed.

He scooted down her body and laid his head against her stomach, stroking her ribs soothingly. Kai closed her eyes and ran her fingers methodically through his hair.

_"That was, uh.. that was my first time."_ He whispered against her skin.

_"I know."_ She said, and Kai was happy to be his first. She hoped that he would always look back on this moment with fondness, that's what she'd wanted to give to him.

_"You asked me for my worst last week."_ She said. _"Do you still want to know?"_

Sokka looked up at her through the moonlight and her damp skin shined in hues of silver, whites and greys. A mixture of emotions clouded her features; both fear and love. But in front of them was the only instance of vulnerability he'd ever witnessed in her. _"Yes."_ He responded. He wanted to know.

_"Not all men ask for permission like you do."_ She said and didn't offer any further details. _"I wasn't born a killer, but I became one that night. And I'll never regret that."_

Sokka moved up the bed and crawled beside her. _"Will you regret this?"_ He asked, slipping his arm underneath her pillow.

Kai pulled the quilt up with her and rested her tired body against his. She shook her head. Nothing could take this experience away from them.

_"Will you stay with me tonight?"_ She asked.

_"Mhm."_ He tilted her chin up to face him then sealed his promise with a kiss. Their eyes began to feel heavy as their fingers stroked each other's cooling skin. Sokka counted her breaths as she disappeared into the void of sleep, following her soon after.

* * *

Long, sharp, spider-like fingers scurried over her body. There were thousands of them. They covered every inch of her, inside and out. Again, Kai found that she couldn't move. She could wiggle her fingers and toes, and she did, spastically as she struggled for freedom. But other than those appendages, she was trapped in a straight jacket of fear.

_"You just give yourself away to anyone that shows you the slightest ounce of attention?"_

It was the same voice as before. It didn't sound as old now, but it sounded angrier. It sounded scorned, like it believed it'd been betrayed.

_"Do I not give you enough attention, my love?"_ It asked. _"I love you so fiercely, yet somehow you bury me so deep within your guts that I can only reach you while you slumber."_

The fingers seemed to be clawing at her from the inside out, tearing at her organs to escape. Kai tried to open her eyes but her vision was staticky.

_"I could drive you mad, you know. You're growing weaker already. But I love you so. You've been my home for so long. How could I destroy that who keeps me warm, who's given me shelter and fed me so well?"_

Kai couldn't part her lips. It was as if her mouth were sewn shut with thick, black thread. But she could whimper and whine, though they could barely be heard.

_"Can't you see that I don't_ ** _want_** _to do this? I don't want to hurt you, sweet girl."_ It said, coming closer. _"I just want to show you what true power feels like."_ It's thin, bony fingers stroked her face lovingly. _"Oh, you will make such a beautiful queen. The Queen of the Damned. And I, The Puppetmaster, the one pulling the strings."_

A claw trailed down her naked body, slicing open her skin as it went. All the way from her cheek, between her breasts and to her bellybutton. Her skin unzipped and thousands of black widows scurried out of her innards.

_"Be good for me, dear. I've let you run the show for this long. Don't make me take over prematurely."_

Her invisible shackles disappeared and the stitches holding her lips hostage dissolved. She screamed and clawed at her skin, trying to kill the eight-legged beasts that were scurrying all over her.

Something grabbed her by the face and the static in her vision cleared. It was Sokka's hand over her mouth. He was sitting on her chest trying to hold her down with all of his weight.

_"It was just a dream, it's just a nightmare!"_ He whispered frantically. His hands were clamped over her mouth and he was patting her cheek in an attempt to both keep her quiet and wake her.

Kai's pupils were dilated to the point of solid blackness with fear. She looked around the room wildly, searching for whatever it was that'd unzipped her like a body bag. Her hands moved over her chest and stomach, feeling for any evidence of arachnids.

_"Justa—Just a dream?"_ She asked no one in particular.

_"Yeah, just a dream."_ Sokka crawled off and sat cross legged in front of her. _"It sounded like you were crying in your sleep.."_

Kai touched her face and it was wet, she _had_ been crying.

_"You woke me up mumbling something about.. about being good? Like, you were promising it to someone."_

Kai pulled her night clothes from hours before on, she couldn't stand the feeling of her own skin anymore. It felt as if something was cohabitating it with her and she'd rather just abandon this shell, leave it for one that _wasn't_ rotting away.

She threw open the only window in the room and stuck her head out, sucking in a deep breath of fresh air.

_"Kai?"_ Sokka said from the edge of the bed. He'd never seen anyone so stricken with fear. _"Are you.. okay?"_

Another tear slipped down her cheek as she stared out into the darkness she used to call home. Now she feared it indescribably. And more so, she feared the darkness that she _couldn't_ see, the kind that slept within her.

Kai turned to Sokka with shaky limbs and a tear hanging off of her chin. _"I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a friendly reminder that this KaixSokka action is purely temporary. 
> 
> ALSO, if anyone follows any good Mako or Bolin x OC stories, PLEASE COMMENT THEM BELOW!   
> I'm just starting LOK and love them both. NO SPOILERS PLS


	31. It’s Lonely At The Top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** MENTIONS OF PTSD, MURDER AND RAPE **

Kai's blinks lasted for what felt like hours. She stood in front of the produce merchant listening to him explain to her why he wouldn't have any bananas until next week, though a simple "we're out" from the man would have sufficed.

She was so tired. After Sokka woke her up late the night before from her night terror, he demanded that she tell him about them. So she did. She told him about the voice of the old man and how he spoke to her in evasive monologues, about how he claimed to love her yet every time she woke up from one of the dreams it felt like she was being driven out of her own skin. She told him about Enya, her mother, and the curse that she'd inflicted upon her own daughter.

Kai didn't hear what else the produce merchant said, something about not being able to risk losing another delivery boy in the woods. She just stared at him stoically until Sokka pulled her away.

_"This place reeks of Spirit World shenanigans."_ Sokka said as he, Kai, Aang and Toph strolled through the market.

_"I bet if we take a little walk around town, we'll find out what these people did to the environment to make the spirits mad."_ Aang said.

As if bad things only happened to people because they willed it on themselves.

Sokka could see Kai's eye roll even from his position beside her. Circles so dark that they looked like bruises had formed above her cheeks. He wondered if she'd gotten anymore sleep after their conversation last night.

They met back up with Hama and Katara at the base of the trail leading up to the inn. The two of them seemed to be getting along swimmingly. Hama told Katara and the rest of them to go ahead without her, that she would catch up to them after grabbing a few more ingredients for dinner. Kai was happy to be leaving the harsh light of summer, it stung her eyes and she wanted to see if sleeping during the daytime hours was any more restful.

_"This is a mysterious little town you have here."_ Sokka said to the woman, seeing if she'd let them in on any more secrets.

_"Yeah, they don't even have fucking bananas."_ Kai said. Toph jabbed her in the side with her elbow, even _she_ knew how inappropriate it was to curse in front of elders.

Hama simply smiled at the group eerily and said, _"Mysterious town for mysterious children."_ and walked back into the market.

Sokka fell behind with Kai as they made their way up the hill. She'd only been trudging along, keeping her eyes cast down toward her feet.

_"That Hama seems a little.. strange, don't you think? Like she knows something, or she's hiding something."_ Sokka said.

_"Yeah, because she is."_ Kai nearly stumbled over an apple that'd fallen from the basket Toph was carrying on top of her head. _"She has no heartbeat. Er, I mean, not one that I can feel, anyways."_

Sokka looked at her with his brows knitted together. _"Meaning...?"_

She shrugged. _"Probably just that she practices meditation techniques, like, a lot. That or she can control her own blood flow, which I doubt."_

They unloaded the groceries in the oversized kitchen. More than anything, Kai just wanted to rest. She wanted to sleep and not have a single dream, good or bad, just a trial run of death. Her head ached and her limbs felt twenty pounds heavier.

_"Sokka! Sokka, what are you doing?!"_ Katara's voice snapped her out of a staring spell. She didn't even notice that Sokka had left her side. _"You can't just snoop around someone's house!"_

He'd started up the stairs and was peering into the rooms that they hadn't been assigned to the night before. They all looked eerily the same; dusty, undisturbed, like no one had ever stepped foot in them. The rest of the gang followed him to the second floor and while Aang and Katara tried their best to convince him he was overstepping implied boundaries, Kai and Toph just stood back and watched the show. Toph with amusement, Kai with indifference.

_"She could be home any minute.."_ Aang mumbled nervously.

A cupboard in the wall caught the warrior's attention. He grabbed it and tugged, it didn't budge. _"I'm not finished yet."_ He said over his shoulder to his sister and continued pulling, putting one foot against the wall for support. _"Come! On!"_ He grunted.

The doors burst open, sending Sokka flying into the opposite wall.He drew his sword in response and the entire gang gasped as a dozen wooden marionettes fell out of the cupboard, held together only by their strings.

Kai stepped back. Words she faintly remembered brushed past her ear like a whisper.

_Oh, you will make such a beautiful queen. The Queen of the Damned. And I, The Puppetmaster, the one pulling the strings._

She swatted at the air beside her but her knees already felt weak. Her entire body trembled as her vision went in and out between flashes of reality and a daydream. In those momentary hallucinations, she saw herself.

A throne made of bones sat on a mountain of bodies. The sky was crimson red with dark, rumbling storm clouds in the distance. An imaginary camera zoomed in slowly, giving her a front row seat to what she'd become.

She sat on her throne of skeletal remains with apathy showing on her face. Her jade eyes were no longer such, they'd become just as dark as the clouds above her. A crown made of teeth and rotting vines rested on her head. Her dress was a silky smooth charcoal grey and her fingernails were overgrown with dirt and blood caked around them. She was still barefoot, that hadn't changed, but her feet were cut open and bleeding from stepping on shards of broken bones.

She'd done this — all of this. The Fire Nation had fallen around her along with the rest of humanity, and now she ruled over their corpses.

A voice beckoned her from above. _"Isn't it a lovely view?"_

_"It's nice."_ She glanced up and then back over the hellish landscape, considering the question. _"But it's lonely at the top."_

Thin strings trailing from her wrists to the sky went slack and after a brief freefall, the wooden crucifixes attached to them landed in the rubble beside her. Suddenly, Kai wasn't just an observant bystander in a nightmare about herself anymore. She was sitting on the throne looking down at her feet when a tall shadow loomed over her.

_"You have never been alone, my love."_ It said. _"Afterall, what is a queen without her king?"_

She looked up without fear. The blackened skull of a buck with twenty point antlers stared back at her through hollow eye sockets. It's head was perched atop the body of a man, dressed in a robe that'd never seen the battles that got them there.

And to her horror, she found herself enamored by his beauty.

_"You put up a good fight. Now.."_ He reached out and held her by the chin, running his thumb over her chapped lips. His beastly head cocked as he spoke. "Tell me you love me."

Her lips curved up into a small but sick smile. She loved him. Oh, spirits, did she love him.

Before she could stick around to watch herself become a monster, the inn flashed back in front of her. Kai was gripping the wall so hard that her nails were broken and bleeding. Her friends hadn't even taken notice of her mental departure. The reverberations of Sokka stomping up to the attic almost knocked her off of her feet.

_"Just an ordinary puppet-loving innkeeper, huh? Well then why does she have a locked door up here?"_ He shouted from the top of the stairs.

The rest of the gang followed him up and so did Kai after regaining feeling in her legs. She was hazily aware of Sokka kneeling to look through the keyhole of the door. He shimmied the tip of his blade into it and jiggled it around until the lock finally gave way.

_"Guys.. I don't know about this.."_ Kai said. Except she wasn't solely talking about whatever treasure hunt Sokka was on.

The door gave way and the gang rushed in to grapple the box. It was locked and being tossed between Sokka and Toph in a race to open it before Hama got back. The feeling of footsteps treading lightly up two flights of stairs surpassed Toph as she focused on unlocking the box with her meteorite bracelet.

Kai turned just in time to see the old lady reach the top of the stairs. She didn't look angry, and only nodded at Kai in a silent greeting. Kai stepped aside to offer the woman control over the situation.

_"I'll tell you what's in the box."_ Hama said.

They all yelped with fright. Katara looked mortified, even she'd become filled with anticipation when the lock had clicked open just before the woman interrupted them. Sokka handed it over, watching diligently as the woman reached her hand inside.

An old comb. That's what Hama held in the air as if it were a crown jewel. Sokka's disappointment was immense, his shoulders slumped and cheeks pouted.

_"That's it? Just an old comb?"_ He asked.

Hama nodded her head and smiled. _"It's my greatest treasure. It's the last thing I own from growing up in the Southern Water Tribe."_

Sokka's disappointment and Katara's embarrassment melted away in an instant. They looked at each other and then back at Hama.

_"I heard you talking around your campfire and wanted to surprise you. I bought all this food today so I could fix you a big Water Tribe dinner!"_ She said. _"Of course, I can't get all the ingredients I need here, but ocean kumquats are a lot like sea prunes if you stir them long enough."_

The bond that Katara felt with the woman was true. She punched Sokka in the arm when he brought up that, technically, he wasn't wrong about knowing she was hiding something. But he still apologized to her for snooping around her home after she'd graciously opened it up to them.

_"Apology accepted."_ Hama said and turned to head back down the stairs. _"Now, let's get cooking!"_

* * *

Kai sat in the barn outside of Hama's house resting against Appa's side. She wouldn't let herself get too comfortable. She'd rest her eyes for just a few minutes and as soon as she felt herself slipping too far into unconsciousness, her body would jerk awake. 

Monsters wouldn't dare challenge a ten ton flying bison, would they?

The next time her eyes popped open, Toph stood square in front of her. _"What are you doing? You missed dinner!"_

Kai tried to rub the fatigue off of her face but the dark circles under her eyes remained. She didn't have the energy to eat right now. Hell, she barely even had enough energy to muster up a smile that would ease Toph's concern.

_"Ocean kumquats and five flavor soup don't particularly appeal to me, I guess. Plus, Appa looked lonely."_

Toph took a seat beside her and stuffed herself under Kai's wing. Kai happily wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders, she rested more comfortably with her there.

_"Your heart's been racing all day."_ She stated. It was a simple request for answers without having even asked a question.

_"Has it?"_ Kai said. _"I've been too tired to notice."_

Toph crawled into Kai's lap like a child begging it's mother for comfort during a storm. Except Kai was really the one stuck in the middle of a hurricane, and Toph was her temporary shelter. She stared into the shadows of the barn past Toph's shoulder, longing to turn back time and go back to when she wasn't afraid of monsters that lived in the dark and in her head.

_"You know that I love you, right, Toffee?"_ Her voice quivered only slightly. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She tasted the salt when it hit her lips. _"No matter what happens these next few weeks, no matter what I do or say — I love you more than life itself. Promise me you'll always remember that."_

Toph's small hands gripped the back of Kai's robe. She could feel the change in Kai's energy, it flowed out of her less vehemently. Like a weak mist instead of an overwhelming firehose. _"Kai, you're scaring me.."_ Toph said meekly.

_"Just make me that promise, please."_

She nodded against Kai's shoulder and held onto her a bit tighter. _"I promise."_

They shared a guest room that night. Toph swore to fight off the bad dreams if they threatened to take her in her sleep again. She guarded Kai's body so devoutly with her arms and legs wrapped around her that even Momo couldn't wedge himself between the two of them.

And the nightmares didn't come that night. They lingered at the outskirts of her mind, waiting for the next opportunity to catch her alone. The bond she shared with Toph scared them even more than her mother had before she swallowed them whole.

* * *

Aang led Sokka, Toph and Kai through a field of fire lilies the next night. They'd all slept in late and had a big lunch of leftovers with Hama in her kitchen. Even with her appetite back, five flavor soup and ocean kumquats still didn't appeal to Kai's stomach. But she forced down enough to gain most of her energy back. 

It felt nice to get a normal amount of sleep. It was nice to feel human again.

Sokka fell behind as he searched for the most beautiful fire lily that the field had to offer, and when he found it, he jogged to catch up with them.

Kai was walking just behind the two other benders when she felt the dainty flower being silently slipped into her hand. She looked up to see Sokka smiling down at her. He was happy to see that she was back to being herself today.

She stuck the flower in the base of her braid for safe keeping.

_"Where'd that villager say this man lived again, Aang? We've been walking a day, it's getting late."_ Sokka asked from behind the avatar.

_"I think I see a light just over that hill. We're almost there."_

After their late lunch, the four of them had left to explore the village and figure out why the spirits were terrorizing the town while Katara trained with Hama. A kind but lowly townsman told them that only one person had ever survived the woods on a full moon, then he pointed them in this direction to search for Old Man Ding. 

As they reached the top of the hill, a small house sat at the bottom of it in between two mountains. A stranger was nailing wooden planks to his windows.

_"Old Man Ding?"_ Aang asked as they closed in on him.

The man smashed his thumb with the hammer and recoiled instantly. _"Ow! Dang blame it, can't you see I'm busy?!"_ He frantically waved his thumb around and turned to look at the group. _"Got a full moon rising. And why does everyone call me that? I'm not that old!"_ He bent at the waist to pick up the plank that he'd dropped but his back nearly gave out in the process. _"Well.. I'm young at heart. Not ready to get snapped up by some moon monster yet, at least."_

Sokka rushed to help the man. He scooped up the board and hammer and continued the work that Old Man Ding hadn't finished. _"We wanted to ask you about that. Did you get a good look at the spirit who took you?"_

_"Didn't see no spirit."_ He said with a country drawl. _"Just felt somethin'... come over me. Like I was possessed."_

Kai's vision began to blur and an onset migraine pulsed through her forehead.

_"Forced me to start walkin' towards the mountain. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't control my own limbs."_

She could feel sweat dripping down her arms and a stranger's kisses lingering on her neck. A dull pain presented itself between her thighs. The memory of warm blood trailing down her face from her eyebrow washed over her and suddenly she was seeing red all over again.

_"It just about had me into a cave up there. I looked up at the moon for what I thought would be my last glimpse of light."_

Kai was sixteen years old again. She felt the flimsy mattress below her and her attacker's thumping heartbeat through the soles of her feet. Rage just as strong as it had been that day filled her to the brim, hatred like she'd never felt before or since. She could almost still see him standing in front of her, toweling off his disgusting body. And she felt just as disgusting as he looked.

Kai could see the look on his face when he no longer had control. She felt his bones move even though they weren't touching. His hands trembled as he reached down for the hunting knife on his nightstand.

She forced him to look at his own ghastly reflection in the blade before he brought it to his throat. There it stayed while they locked eyes. Kai unzipped his lips just enough for him to whisper.

_"I'm so sorry.."_ He wept.

He wasn't. Even with his life in her hands, he wasn't sorry.

The blade sunk in with no resistance at all. A thin stream of blood flowed down his neck and over his chest. Shin pulled the knife horizontally across his throat and the hot blood spewed over Kai's chest and face. She still felt the warmth now.

_"We did hear people screaming under the mountain."_ Kai said, snapping out of her trance. _"The missing villagers must still be there!"_

* * *

The forest was dark. Kai held onto Sokka's hand as they navigated full speed around the crooked arms of trees and the surfaced roots that looked too much like rotting veins in the cover of night. She was determined, but the shadows still seemed to reach for her as she slipped past them.

_"I can hear them, they're this way!"_ Toph yelled. She'd reached down to feel the dirt for barely a second.

The cave they found was wet and deep. It descended underground further than Kai'd ever been dragged into The Great Divide.

_"I can't see anything down here."_ Sokka said. He touched the cave wall and flinched when he felt something scurry over his fingers.

_"That's why you have me."_ She said, squeezing his hand. _"Now come on."_

A metal door sat deep within tunnels that were lined with torches. It reminded Kai of the door to her mother's cavernous home, but less welcoming. At least this one wasn't masquerading what it was _really_ used for.

The two girls beat on the barrier until their arms were bruised. Toph's metal bending was stronger than Kai's, but this door was thick and sturdy. It didn't give way easily. But when it finally fell, the horrors that sat inside were brought to light.

A dozen villagers stood chained to the walls. Most of them by their hands strung above them, but some bytheir feet and a few even with a collar.

_"We're — we're saved!"_ One man said with tears choking up in his voice, as if he couldn't believe that freedom was only a moment away.

Toph used her meteorite bracelet to fasten a key into the locks of the chains while Kai simply ripped some of the shackles loose from the wall.

_"I didn't know spirits made prisons like this. Who brought you here?"_ Aang asked the group.

_"It was no spirit. It was a witch!"_ Said one woman. She rubbed her raw, sore wrists. _"She seems like a normal old woman, but she controls people like some.. like some dark puppet master!"_

The last prisoner was free. Kai stopped with her breath caught in her lungs and turned to Sokka. _"Hama. I couldn't feel her heartbeat, remember?"_ She said. _"She **is** controlling her own blood! Which means —"_

_"Which means we have to find them before she hurts Katara!"_ Aang shouted. His fists were clenched at his sides and jaw taut.

Toph grabbed Kai by the wrist. _"We'll get these people out of here. You guys go! Take a torch with you!"_

Sokka looked at Kai like he didn't want to leave her there, but his legs moved regardless. He grabbed a torch off of the cave wall just outside the door and chased after Aang. The fire light flickered with the unsteadiness of their footsteps as they made it further down the cavern, eventually fading away completely.

The two earth benders did a once over every prisoner to make sure none of them had serious injuries. Aside from rubbed raw joints, it didn't seem like Hama had actually hurt any of them at all.

_"She just kept you all here? She never visited to take care of you?"_

One of the men glared at her through the dim cave light, his eyes hardened from extended abuse. _"Of course she visited us. That's how she got so good."_ He said, looking back at the others. He and Kai were leading the way. _"As villagers stopped wandering close to the woods, she got bored with just us. Sometimes she'd visit to give us water and bread. Sometimes she'd just toy with us."_

_"Toy with you?"_ Kai asked.

He nodded in response. _"She'd make us duel. Like we were human action figures."_

Kai's legs stopped moving abruptly and Toph ran right into her back. _"Hey! What are you —"_

She turned around and grabbed Toph by the shoulders. _"Do you think these people can run?"_ She asked.

Toph's brow furrowed with confusion. _"Not the ones that were chained by the ankles. Why?"_

She began backing up from the small army of people and shaking her head. _"The guys are in trouble."_ Kai said with determination in her voice, a flush of adrenaline pumped rapidly through her veins. _"Keep them safe and follow me!"_

Kai took off faster than any of them could have hoped to keep up. Sharp branches snapped under her feet, rocks embedded themselves in her heel. Soon the stinging pain reminded her of that in her daydream, when blood poured from open wounds caused by walking over jagged, broken bones.

But even through the pain she could still see soft reverberations of four far off figures nestled in the darkness. She pushed through trees like they were bodies standing in her way.

She was sick with anger when the jaws of the small clearing met her. Sokka and Aang were dueling, just as the prisoner had described, like human marionettes. Sokka's sword was thrust outward and Aang's body refused to defend itself, ready to be disemboweled in an instant.

Katara didn't see Kai and vice versa. Not until their powers began working in tandem, bringing the old woman to her knees. The two girls made eye contact over her body.

Kai could see that Katara looked to be disgusted with herself. Her eyes were clouded with anger and fear and repulsion, but her hands still maneuvered through the air, taking advantage of Hama's blood while Kai had a stronghold on her bones.

The feeling of multiple other feet emerged behind Kai, Toph and the prisoners had finally caught up. They handed Hama over to the mob, allowing her to become a prisoner once again.

_"My work here is done."_ She said with a smile on her face. _"You're a blood bender, Katara."_

The newly found blood bender crumbled to her knees, sobbing with her face in her hands. Kai ran to her. She held her wrists and forced Katara to look at her.

_"Stop!"_ Kai growled low enough for only the two of them to hear. _"Stop your crying right now! Don't give her the satisfaction."_ She pulled Katara's hands off of her face and wiped the tears away herself.

_"I didn't want this!"_ Katara cried.

She was inconsolable. She'd reached inside of another human and made them do her bidding, something she'd told Hama she wanted no part of. It made her feel dirty, like she'd crossed some invisible boundary that she didn't even know she'd set for herself.

Aang tried to approach the two girls as the villagers led Hama away but Kai's eyes snapped up to his. _"Go back to the inn. Take Sokka and Toph with you. We'll leave in the morning."_ She could see that he didn't want to leave her. _"You can't help her right now, Aang. I'm gonna take care of her."_

He pulled back his hand that'd stopped midair when he reached out to touch his love. Kai was right. He had no idea how Katara felt. He couldn't help her.

So he did as he was told.

* * *

Kai half dragged Katara down the mountain as she wept silently. The village was wide awake. Lanterns were lit in windows and doors were left unlocked for the first time in ages, everyone was talking about the innocent old woman that'd been playing them all as fools.

Patrons walked in and out of a dusty old tavern. It looked rough, like it was the first thing here and the rest of the town had been built around it. Kai pushed her way inside and scanned over the room for somewhere secluded.

There it was. A two seater in the far left corner. She led Katara, who hadn't yet realized where they were, to the table and sat her down. She sniffled and hid her face in embarrassment. Just as soon as they got comfortable a waitress just as ancient as the building itself shimmied over to them, ticket book in hand. _"You ladies are a bit young to be in a place like this, aren'tcha?"_

The two of them looked around to find that they really were the babies in the bar. Everyone else looked at least thirty years their senior and rough around the edges.

_"Anywho, what can I start ya off with?"_

Katara began to wave her hand. _"Oh, no, I don't —"_

_"Get her a Negroni and a whiskey sour for myself, please."_ Kai said, cutting the girl off.

The waitress jotted the drinks down and went on her way. The pair didn't speak until after the drinks were sat down in front of them.

Katara looked deep into the dark red spirit. Red like the blood of her enemy that she'd just contorted against their own will. _"You know I don't drink."_

Kai was already casually sipping on hers. Gulping it down, really. _"Just nurse it. It'll make you feel better, promise."_

The liquid danced with the ice cubes that were submerged in it. They swirled around in the glass, seducing her into lifting the cup to her mouth. It spilled past her lips and kissed her tongue.

_"It's bitter."_ She coughed. But then the sweetness hit her. She enjoyed it more than she cared to admit.

_"You didn't do anything wrong, Katara. You saved Sokka and Aang's lives. Don't you dare be ashamed of the measures you had to take to do so."_

Katara sipped her drink a little bit more diligently now. _"Have you ever —"_ She started. _"I mean, was tonight the first time you —"_ The words couldn't quite make it out of her throat, but Kai knew what she was trying to ask.

_"I became a bone bender last winter."_ Kai said while scooting her empty glass closer to the edge of the table so the waitress would know that she was ready for another. _"And I did much worse than you. But that doesn't make me a bad person either."_

She smiled up at the waitress as she swiped the empty glasses from the edge of the table and politely asked her to bring them two more, please.

_"So how did you deal with it.."_ Katara asked.

Kai shrugged and smiled. It wasn't the happy-go-lucky sort of grin that she used to wear, but a brief scoff. _"Maybe I'm more like Hama than I am you, but I didn't. There was nothing to deal with. My victim took a part of me that I can't ever get back."_ The waitress sat their second rounds down in front of them and Katara scooped hers up without being pressured this time. _"And I call him a victim because at the end of the night, that's what he was. But Hama was no victim. She might've been at one point, but tonight she was your aggressor. She backed you into a corner and forced you to become what she wanted you to."_

Kai took note of how quickly Katara was swallowing the spirits. _"Slow down."_ She said, and waved her two fingers down toward the table. Katara's glass holding hand moved in time with her's. _"You're gonna make yourself sick."_

Katara's hand was left feeling numb and staticky, she was well aware of what Kai had just done to her. The blood-like liquid tinted her lips pink.

_"I don't want to think about tonight anymore."_ She said. Unimaginable sadness reeked from her voice just as heavily as the alcohol did on her breath.

Kai glanced across the room at the bartender and then back at the girl. _"I can respect that. They've got six months worth of gin behind that bar, y'know."_ She smiled at the girl, a mischievous grin this time. _"This seems like an pretty good excuse to get hammered for the first time, if you ask me."_

Katara got lost in her drink again, only for a moment, and then chugged it all before Kai had the chance to object. Even though she wouldn't have dared.

_"Waitress, keep the Negronis coming!"_ Kai shouted.

* * *

Kai stopped after her second whiskey sour so that she could babysit her manic partner in crime. After all, that's what she'd wished someone had done for her. Katara didn't quit after her second. She didn't even stop after her third or fourth. But five whole drinks later, she was swaying in her seat and grappling at Kai's hands, confessing her admiration for the girl and begging her for scraps of food because she was _just. so. hungry._

The waitress brought her a sandwich on the house, she said it was because they didn't want to be held liable for over-serving the girl if she got too drunk and hurt herself on the way home. But she was already too drunk. Kai draped Katara's arm over her shoulder and tossed the tab money on the table before escorting her out and back up the mountain.

She inn felt emptier when they pushed their way inside of it. Katara was giggling uncontrollably over the sound of the door slamming against the wall while Kai was shushing her loudly, though she found her laughs pretty humorous themselves.

_"Shush, Tara!"_ Kai said as she helped the girl up the stairs. _"You're gonna wake everyone up!"_

Her skin was flushed from diluted blood.

_"You thinnnk Aang's 'wake?"_ Katara asked. She held onto the wall for extra support.

Kai steadied the girl in front of her by holding onto her arms. _"Why don't you go find out?"_ She said. _"You've been sneaking into his room anyways. Go make him take care of you for the night."_

Katara's stained bottom lip pouted and for a moment she looked as if she were going to cry. _"But... what if he's mad at me?"_

The other girl rolled her eyes and hooked their elbows together, continuing down the hall. _"He loves you, idiot. He's not gonna be mad at you."_ They stopped in front of the avatar's door and Kai nudged it open with her foot. She could see through the darkness that Aang was fast asleep, but he'd left the right side of his bed open with the quilt already turned down. _"See? He's waiting for you."_ She whispered.

Katara didn't need any more convincing. She stripped down to her night clothes before the door even closed behind her and crawled into Aang's arms. He wrapped them around her in his sleep and pulled the quilt over the two of them for safety.

Kai strolled back down the hall to her room. The door was shut tight, she knew there was no one waiting for her on the other side.

But the one across the hall was slightly ajar. A dim lantern glowed from behind it.

She eased it open and leaned her shoulder against the door frame. _"Hope you weren't waiting up just for me."_ She said.

Sokka sat against the headboard with his legs crossed. He was sketching up plans for Appa's suit of armor in his notebook when he looked up at her.

_Fuck_ , did she look beautiful in the light of a flame. Even more so with the flush of alcohol lingering on her cheeks.

_"I had to know that you guys made it home safe."_ He said and closed his notebook with the pencil inside. _"Come'ere."_

That was all it took to make her step inside the room and lock the door behind her. Kai flopped down on her back across Sokka. She felt warm all over, her heat radiated through her clothes and onto Sokka's lap. He leaned his nose down close to her grinning face to catch a whiff of her breath.

_"You been drinking?"_ He asked.

She nodded, reaching her hand behind his head to pull his hair loose. _"Just a little bit."_ She said. _"I'm not drunk, if that's what you're wondering."_

It absolutely had been. Sokka kept his face perched over hers while he admired her infectious smile.

_"Have I mentioned lately how much I love your hair a little long?"_ She asked. Her hand remained at the back of his head. She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

_"Mhm."_ Their noses brushed as his face tilted to fit hers. _"But I wouldn't mind hearing it a few more times."_

Sokka kissed her gently with an open mouth. He licked the remnants of liqueur, oranges and sugar cubes off of her tongue and then felt her grip on his hair tighten.

_"Should we kill the light?"_ She whispered with barely enough breath to get the words out. A stiffening sensation pressed firmly against her upper back.

Sokka moaned something like a _"Nuhuh."_ into her mouth and laid down against the mattress with her. _"I wanna see your beautiful face this time."_


	32. Little Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** TRIGGER WARNING *****  
> This chapter contains what I consider a very graphic scene of sexual assault.  
> Also NSFW.

_"Where... where are we.. Why are you...."_ Kai scarcely heard her own voice mumble before trailing off. Her eyes refused to open. She'd fallen asleep with the rest of her friends on Appa's back, leaned over his saddle while watching the vicious ocean waves reach out for her.

_"We're at the rendezvous point."_ Sokka whispered. He was holding her above the tall grass, kicking his bedroll open so she could rest a little better. _"Just go back to sleep. I'll be right here, I won't let them hurt you."_

_Them_. The realization that Kai's dreams and nightmares weren't at all comparable to his own hadn't hit him all at once, like it should have. It seemed that every time she slept, a bigger piece of herself was left behind in the dimension that she feared so immensely. She woke up more violently than the last each and every time, it never failed.

And to Kai, they weren't dreams at all. The brief stretches of time that she spent unconscious weren't sleep. She was simply being transported to a realm where even her own existence was questionable — save for as an extension of the darkness.

Sokka prayed that his words would bring her some level of comfort, but she'd unwillingly fallen back into that other world before they even hit her ear.

*****

Light. Vibrant, warm, yellow light in every corner of a steel walled room. There was no fading in this time, no wondering where she was or how she got there. She was at the Fire Nation Royal Palace. Third floor, west wing. She'd always been there, it seemed, and she never wanted to be anywhere else.

Agile fingers that were scarred with callouses caressed her lovingly. A lap more comfortable than any throne rested beneath her and eager teeth nipped at her jaw.

_"Why did you leave me?"_ Zuko asked. He held her neck on one side, using his thumb to tilt her chin up and give him free reign of her neck.

Her moan tickled his lips, causing them to curl into a satisfied smile against her skin.

Still, tears made her eyes feel heavy. _"I didn't want to."_ She said. Desperation clouded her judgement. She was desperate to feel his frustration mingle once again with hers, desperate to know that she was forgiven, desperate for this entire fucking war to be over with so that the two of them could live a normal life — whatever that entailed, she would take it. _"Please, don't be mad at me. You wouldn't have let me go on my own.."_

Zuko chuckled and pulled back. _Fuck_ , had she missed his devilish smile. _"You're right, I wouldn't have."_ He said. _"But I'm not. I'm not mad at you.. not if you were telling the truth."_

There was no questioning what he meant. Kai knew. She'd simmered on what to write on his mirror for hours before dipping her finger into the iodine. She'd stared at his unconscious body and felt emotions ranging from either end of the spectrum swirl around inside of her. She was disgusted by his loyalty — both that for his nation and for her. Pain and jealousy flowed freely as she recognized that he'd brought another lover to his bed. He'd done it just days after returning home, and he would do it again shortly after she left.

But she hadn't been lying in her farewell letter. He held all of her love right in the palm of his hand. She'd given it to him willingly and if he offered it back to her now, she wouldn't take it. What purpose did it serve her, anyways?

Kai nodded her forehead against his as he closed in on her again. _"I love you, I'm so sorry."_ Tears spilled over her cheeks and Zuko groaned. His hands gripped her hips, pressing her harder against his lap. She felt a twitching from beneath his clothes.

_"Again."_ He demanded while guiding her waist into a slow grind against him.

She moaned those three words against his lips in repetition, eagerly feeding him what he so desperately craved. Zuko's kiss was laced with weeks of sexual frustration and toxicity that she hadn't found in others. His lips were a poison apple, and she no longer feared death.

Their clothes didn't stay in the way for long. Zuko hiked up her dress, the same one he'd stolen for her, and pressed his middle finger against the wet spot forming on her underwear.

_"Who else has had you since I've been gone?"_ He asked, and she froze. Zuko continued massaging her, he pushed her underwear to the side and dragged her own lubricant over her clit, moving his fingers in circular motions. _"You don't have to answer, it's okay."_ He kissed her again and slid his two fingers inside of her, _"As long you understand that from now on, you're_ ** _mine_** _."_

He pushed his trousers down just far enough to free his cock, replacing his fingers with it at her entrance.

_"Tell me, my love."_ He whispered against her lips while dragging the head of his cock up and down her cunt. Jolts of pleasure shocked her every time he pressed against her sensitive clit. _"Tell me that you're mine. Tell me that you're no one else's."_

Kai's lips parted to speak but her tongue went dry, like all the moisture in her body had seeped straight down to the space between her legs. She nodded her head fervently, holding him around the shoulders.

She cried, _"I'm yours, I'm yours,_ ** _fucking spirits_** _, I'm yours."_

Zuko pulled her hips down onto his lap, sinking into her completely. He controlled everything even from his position below her, guiding her at a pace that would steadily get both of them off. He felt different now, Kai thought, he felt bigger with every thrust.

She grabbed the headboard with one hand and dug her nails into his shoulder with the other. The pain was nice, and it was deserved. Besides, she could take it if it meant having him again.

Zuko's teeth sank into her collar. His thrusts became more ravenous, no longer guiding her at a comfortable pace, but holding her still and using her for his own pleasure.

_"Zuko, that's a little—"_

His nails sunk into her waist as she tried to lift herself away from him. They were long and as sharp as talons. _"You're mine, you said it."_ He growled. _"And you aren't leaving me again."_

All of the natural heat drained from his body as he pulled his head off of her shoulder. His usual smokey campfire smell turned putrid, like a rotting corpse. Kai pushed him by the shoulder back against the headboard.

Her heart stopped when she saw the beast that she'd confessed her love for. It was Zuko, but it _wasn't_. His skin was greying, the whites of his eyes were black as ink.

She would've rather been dead. In fact, a part of her very well may have died in that moment. There was no energy left in Kai's body to force herself awake, no will left to fight off the assault. Her heart both skipped multiple beats and slowed down as she gave up — _gave in_.

Her lover's doppelgänger spoke, knowing that he'd finally broken her. _"You're mine, Kai. You've always been mine."_

*****

She woke up just as she had arrived in her nightmare — all at once. No fading out or questioning where she was, as if she'd been there all along. Right at the edge of the black cliffs with her feet dangling over the edge. It was still dark out, but the moon illuminated the lashing waves below. They were calling her home.

_"Another nightmare?"_ Aang asked from beside her. She could barely see him through the cover of night, but his presence didn't startle her. No, she was used to never being alone by now. She nodded.

_"Me, too."_ He replied.

Kai felt so empty. So cold. Salt water mist stung her eyes but she refused to let them close. A swim sounded nice right about now, she thought as she stared down into the abyss.

_"We really are just a bunch of kids, huh? Thrust into a war that our ancestors started.."_ She shook her head. _"I'm starting to believe it might be time to throw in the towel.. Would the spirits really punish me if I just slipped over the edge of this cliff?"_ She asked, finally turning to look at him through the pale moonlight.

_"It's supposed to be bad karma."_ He said. _"They say that if you force death to take you before your time, you'll pay for it in your next life."_

But Kai already felt as if she were paying for something. She felt like death had been hammering nails in her casket for weeks now, reasoning with her to lie down in it willingly. And he was one hell of a sweet talker. How much worse could the next life be than this one, anyhow? Maybe she'd be dealt a winning hand the next time around.

_"You should be resting, the invasion is only a few days away."_

Aang fell back into the damp grass with his arms crossed over his face. Kai caught a glimpse of his eyes before they were shielded, and they looked heavy. _"I can't sleep, I'm nowhere near ready to fight the Fire Lord. I don't even know any fire bending!"_

_"You don't need to know fire bending. The eclipse will cancel it out anyways."_ She said.

_"Still!"_ He shouted. _"My form is weak and I'm sloppier than ever._ ** _You_** _were supposed to fight the Fire Lord, right? How would you have done it?"_

Kai knew how she was _supposed_ to have killed the Fire Lord — silently, along with the rest of the royal family. No one was to know who she was, no one was to know she was there, no one was supposed to be able to link the assassinations to the Earth Kingdom in any way at all. She wondered now if she would've really been able to drag her blade across a stranger's throat. She'd already snuck into his palace undetected. Hell, she'd even walked around freely in tattered peasant clothes, barefooted and burned, and not a single soul batted an eye.

_"I had specialty training that you don't, Aang."_ She said. _"We were both born to bring peace, but in very different ways."_

The two of them remained silent for a while. The siren call of the ocean had quieted. Kai stuffed her self destructive thoughts to the back of her mind, though they still lingered close by.

_"Train me, Kai."_ Aang finally said. He'd asked her once before, when they first met, and she'd rejected the proposition then. But his tone silently begged her this time. _"Please?"_ He asked.

She closed her eyes and sighed. _"Okay."_ She said reluctantly. _"Under one condition."_

On a normal day Aang would've been thrilled. But he was tired, and he was scared. Most of all, he wasn't ready, though he wanted to be. Aang scooted away from the edge of the cliff, neither of them would be sleeping for the rest of the night.

_"What is it?"_ He asked.

Kai remembered every detail of her strenuous training schedule. It'd broken her, kicked her when she was already down, and shoveled dirt over her as she laid at rock bottom. She'd once considered Bumi a cruel man for what he'd put her through.

But now, looking up at Aang, she knew that he could handle it. He might hear death knocking at his door by the end of it, but he could handle it. She hoped that Bumi had recognized the same potential in her.

_"Don't expect an apology from me at the end of the day. Remember that you asked for this."_

*****

The two snuck back into camp and stole a few flames from the bonfire Sokka had built.

It was roaring, contained only by a ring of rocks surrounding it. In the previous months they'd used the fire as a luxury, it was built to cook food and keep mosquitoes at a distance. It was their dinner table when they were lacking true shelter for the night. But it was quickly becoming a necessity. The nights were cooler now and without the fire, none of them would be able to sleep due to the chill.

Summer was ending just as surely as their journey. Kai couldn't help but to stare into the flames as she lit the torch and feel that she was ending, too. _This_ fire might be strong, but hers was so weak. The upcoming training session would take just us much out of her as it would Aang.

The Black Cliffs weren't big islands. They could be circled on foot in less than an hour. It took Kai and Aang only ten minutes to reach the center, where the edges were out of eyesight.

_This way Aang doesn't get knocked into the ocean_ , Kai thought.

She stole loads of earth from nearby hills, smoothing out their edges so they formed perfect spheres and compacting them tight. Twelve of them. She sat them in the space of land between her and Aang.

_"Bend the water out of these. I need them as dry as possible."_ She said. There was a time not too long ago when she could've feigned being a water bender and done it herself, but the mere thought of such a task now wore her out.

Aang obeyed her commands and flung the water out of sight. He watched observantly as she held the torch to each one, building miniature comets.

Disgust blossomed inside of her as she studied the element. She'd never held any feelings at all toward fire — not like she did earth, at least. Now she found herself loathing it. It made her hot with anger as she watched the flames dance, illuminating the early morning darkness.

And as her fingers reached out toward it.. _fear_. Kai's hands trembled the closer they got. Sweat formed on her arms and brow. Something tugged inside her. Something small and cowardice. It crawled far away from her front, trying to drag her away from the flames like a field mouse caught in a wildfire.

_"Kai, what are you —"_

Her hand swatted at the first mound as if it were a volleyball, sending it flying toward Aang. He gusted himself into the air, using it to his advantage in order to avoid the makeshift weapon.

Another one aimed for him in the midair and Aang had to counteract his previous move by forcing himself back to the ground.

_"Don't. Run."_ Kai growled, and attacked him again.  
He limboed backward on his heels, feeling the heat brush against his bare chest as it narrowly missed singeing his skin.

_"What am I supposed to do then?!"_ Aang shouted.

That wasn't for her to answer. He had to figure it out on his own. While this wasn't quite fire bending, it was close enough. He had just as much experience with the element as she did at his age, and Bumi'd never answered these questions for _her_.

So he was on his own, being assaulted by volleys of fire just as tall as him and triple the width. Except they seemed to have their own agenda, one that didn't include allowing him to live until the invasion.

Aang tried to keep his feet steady on the ground but as the next few mounds barreled toward him, he couldn't bear to stand in their way.

He took off sprinting across the field, moving faster than Kai could've hoped to keep up. The flames licked the hair that'd grown on his head for the first time, it was always just one second behind him. Kai rolled one boulder out in front of him and while the action snuffed out the smoldering dirt, it also almost slowed him down to the point of being burned.

He was headed straight toward her know, looking over his shoulder every now and then to see just how close he was to death. Aang's thighs ached. How long had she been chasing him? It felt like an eternity even though he'd only been running for half an hour. He looked straight ahead, directly toward his new trainer, to see that she'd been replaced by something with snarling teeth and rough edges. The complete disregard for his life, or hers, or anyone else's showed in the emptiness of her eyes.

Aang's ankles began to feel wobbly as he stared at the stoic creature before him. Kai was expressionless with her hands moving erratically in front of her. She jabbed her fists forward, another ball of fire flew toward him. They were now two ends of a sandwich and he was soon to be the meat in the middle.

He barely glanced up before hearing Kai's voice boom, _"FIGHT THEM, you coward! Is this how you expect to defeat the Fire Lord?!"_

He came to a skidding stop as his options became vastly limited. Aang looked up again this time to see that the third boulder was falling straight from the sky.

He tunneled down, it was his only escape. _Become the badger mole_. The earth was cold, it felt nice compared to the unforgiving flames that'd nipped at his heels just moments before.

But the earth further below was more dense. It was solid as rock, which wouldn't have been a problem had he not spent most of his energy already.

What sounded like an explosion boomed above him. The dark, cold hole he'd dug for himself was brighter now — warmer, too. Smoke began filling the underground tunnel.

Kai watched as the three balls of dirt and fire met. They crashed into each other with so much force that the ground shook as they plugged the hole that Aang had hidden in. She could feel him beneath her, through the soles of her feet. He wasn't going anywhere, she made sure of it.

Kai bent to touch the ground. She dug her fingers into the moist soil and closed her eyes, forcing the bedrock to condense even further until it was impenetrable. Shades of dark, hazy red floated behind her eyelids as she focused her bending. It was as thick as the smoke that Aang was choking on.

And nothing told her to stop. No angel on her shoulder to tell her this was wrong, but also no little devil with horns and pitchfork whispering for her to keep going. Everything she did was on her own accord. She felt nothing as the promise of becoming a true assassin creeped up on her. Nothing at all.

Until a whisper flowed into her ear just as smoothly as the early morning breeze.

_"Tell me, lupus, do you still wish to punish those who have wronged you? Do you still crave violence? Do you still want to wash your hands in blood?"_ It asked.

Kai opened her eyes to see that the spheres of dirt had snuffed themselves out when they collided, but they were smoldering heavily. Dark smoke filled the air. She could see it now, as the sun was just starting to show it's face over the horizon.

_"What is going on?!"_ A shrill voice shouted from over the hill.

She _did_ still crave blood. Her thirst for it was insatiable, like a newly born vampire hungry for their first meal.

_"Where is Aang??"_ Katara shouted again. She and the other two travelers sprinted across the open field, but they were knocked off their feet as the ground rumbled from beneath them.

Toph's palm sank into the dirt and she caught a glimpse of what was below. _"Oh, god.."_ she whispered to herself.

The three mounds of dirt exploded from the furious punch that Aang's delivered to it. He went flying with the chunks of burning earth, smoke poured out of the grave he'd dug. When he landed back on the ground he was covered in soot and ash.

Katara's head snapped toward Kai, _"Was he BURIED?! And you stood by and did NOTHING?"_

_"If he's going to dig his own grave he might as well learn to claw his way out of it."_ Kai replied. Her voice may have been lower than Katara's but it was just as hostile.

Aang stumbled toward the group with his face stuffed into the crook of his elbow, he was coughing and gasping simultaneously. And when he looked up toward his aggressor, she could see that he was enraged.

_"Oh, are you angry?"_ Kai mocked. _"Well, guess what — anger makes you_ ** _stupid_** _, and stupid gets you killed. Running instead of standing up to fight is stupid, I'm sure you can connect the dots."_

_"I'll show you a fight!"_ Aang growled, marching toward her.

Kai's heart leaped with excitement. A spark ignited in her dead eyes over the opportunity to have a bit of bloody fun. Her hands reached over her back, dancing over the handles of her blades before slicing through the air as she drew them. She lunged toward Aang, ready to feel her swords sink into his skin.

She'd just sharpened them a few days ago. It would be easy, cutting him up like a butcher would a few pounds of deli meat. She reared her hand hand back and just as she was about to disembowel the poor, young avatar —

Fingers twisted themselves around her wrist. They were both friendly and stern but felt like a poker stabbing through her skin. Kai felt herself crack. The swords fell from her hands and she dropped to her knees. Her chest suddenly felt as if it were about to cave in and her skin was suffocating — like there were two of her stuffed into one body and they were fighting over who could remain. One had just pulled a plastic bag over the other's mouth.

Her vision blurred, pulsing in time with two heartbeats.

_"Kai, Kai!"_ Sokka yelled as he gripped her wrist, following her into the dew covered grass. He held her up, smacking her face gently to get her attention.

She could see him, but nothing around her registered. She was now at war within herself, fighting to break free from the bloodthirsty, ravenous spell that'd fallen over her when she lit her torch.

_"Oh, god, it's happening again."_ Sokka said. Her eyes were empty but still darting back and forth in her skull.

_"I will strip away all that you know, all that you love. Until you have no shelter but_ ** _me_** _."_ A voice said from the furthest depths of her mind. _"You think you have a choice, little wolf? I_ ** _own_** _your soul and I will swallow. you. whole. Now, it's time you take the blade and do what you were made to do."_

Her tired eyes glanced down at her sword. She could hazily see her reflection staring back at her, and it wasn't truly her own. The dark circles under her eyes, the dull skin and weak gaze. This wasn't her. She didn't know the girl on the other side of her swords, but she pitied her. She saw unfathomable pain in her sunken cheeks and knew that it would be an act of kindness to put her out of her misery.

Kai picked up the blade and brought it to her throat. Sokka seemed to freeze in front of her as they locked eyes.

A single steaming tear ran down her cheek, her voice quivered when she spoke. _"There is no place in the world for something so devoid of light.."_


	33. I'm Already A Fucking Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm no longer italicizing dialogue because it's just inconvenient.

Kai and Sokka hit the ground. The sword was ripped out of her hand by monstrous teeth that slung it far away and a huge, hairy body writhed wildly on top of them.

Kai was lost in a tangle of reality and delusion. As she came back to her senses, she became hazily aware of the fight ensuing on top of her. Aang, Toph and Katara struggled to gain control of the creature attacking their two friends.

"What the hell is a Canyon crawler doing here?!" Toph shouted.

Sokka barely heard the comment, he was buried beneath the body of a beast, panicking, clawing at the dirt with desperation and adrenaline rushing through his veins. "Canyon crawler?!" He screamed. "Did she just say _CANYON CRAWLER_?!"

In an instant, Kai snapped back into full consciousness. "What? Get off of him!" She yelled.

"We're TRYING!" Another struggling voice shouted from the dog pile. They thought she meant Sokka.

"No, I meant — _Ugh_!" Kai grunted and shoved her elbow forcefully into the ground, sending a wave under someone's feet, she wasn't sure whose, forcing them out of the web of bodies. She did it again and again, four times total, knocking all of her friends onto their asses and far away from her and the beast.

The four of them watched in horror as the hairy creature seemed to devour Kai. It made grotesque chittering noises, ones that they'd never heard out of the crawlers in the great divide. And they heard her screaming, too.

"Wait.. is she — is she _laughing_??" Toph asked.

She was, they weren't screams at all. Kai held tight to Nero's furry torso, he was lapping at her face with his mile long tongue.

"Okay, I'm confused.." Sokka said, followed by Aang's, "Should we be.. helping her?"

Kai sat up and the crawler rolled over into her lap, accepting her offer for belly rubs. She smiled. Just moments after nearly killing the avatar and holding a blade to her own throat, this girl was laughing and grinning as if she were the luckiest in the world.

"This is Nero, guys. We traveled together while I was gone, I dropped him off here before heading toward the Fire Nation." She spoke directly to them but quickly leaned her head back down, resting it atop his. "And I said I'd come back for you, didn't I, my love? Have you been good?" Kai kissed his snout affectionately. "I can see you've been eating well, sweet boy. You're getting chunky!"

"Sweet boy?!" Sokka cried. "Eating well?? He was about to 'eat well', all right, he was trying to eat ME!"

Kai rolled her eyes. "If he wanted to eat you, Sokka, he would have. Nero was only trying to save me."

Nero smiled something like a grin, spreading his jaw and showing off his spiney teeth before scurrying a short distance across the field. When he came back, Kai's sword was held in his mouth, he dropped it at her feet.

The reflection in the blade looked familiar again. She no longer saw the walking corpse of a stranger staring back at her. But the reality of what she'd done began setting in and Kai felt, for one of the only times in her life, ashamed.

"Aang —" She looked up at him. They all still kept their distance even though the heaviness in the air had lifted. "I know I said not to expect an apology, but.." her chest felt heavy with remorse. For longer than a few moments, she'd genuinely wanted to hurt her friend. Not just him, though, anyone. Anything to feed the ravenous beast inside of her. If she had any more tears left to cry, they would've been let loose, but she was past that point.

"I can't fight this thing forever.." She whispered.

The world seemed to stand still as Aang slowly walked toward her through the tall grass. The early morning birds didn't chirp, the dying leaves didn't rustle, even the sun stopped rising for a moment.

He sat down beside her. "Then we have to beat it. Now. Before the invasion."

The rest of the gang joined him. Katara at the other side of Nero — she reached out hesitantly to stroke him and when he leaned into her touch, she no longer feared the monster. Toph tucked herself under Kai's wing, and Sokka folded his legs beside hers, covering her hand secretly with his own behind their backs.

Kai looked into each and every one of their eyes and realized how much she loved them all. It was enough to make her heart swell. The thought of _enjoying_ bringing violence to any of them.. that's what really terrified her.

"If we're at The Black Cliffs, we aren't far from my mother. She lives in a cave off the side of the island."

"Didn't she try to hurt you last time?" Toph asked.

Kai could still feel the dull pain in her back and ankle. It was one that she'd live with forever, but at least it was bearable. This thing inside of her.. the two of them couldn't coexist, not like it wanted them to, anyways.

"I hurt her, too." Kai said. "Besides, she's the only one who's dealt with this kind of.. darkness. I don't know if she'll even be able to help, but it's our only option."

"We're coming with you." Sokka said sternly with a squeeze of his hand.

"No." Katara interrupted. "Sokka, you need to finish Appa's armor. If Nero's gonna be coming to battle with us, he'll need some protection, too. And Aang —" She looked at him across the body of the beast, into his pitiful, restless eyes. "You _have_ to sleep. I know you think that you aren't ready, but you are. Toph and I will go with Kai to meet with her mother, we'll take Nero with us."

The two boys weren't happy with the arrangement but if it were guys against girls, Sokka and Aang were on the losing team. They walked back to camp silently, knowing that they were in for another battle before the invasion even began.

* * *

Kai sat in Appa's saddle alone. She was packing her bag, sorting out necessities from the things she wanted to leave behind for her friends.

_Just in case_ , she told herself.

The gang had made breakfast together and tried to act like everything was okay — like they didn't know the severity of the situation at hand. Sokka had refused to look Kai in the eyes for the entirety of it. Having seen her press a freshly sharpened sword to her neck brought back memories that he'd tried to push out of his mind completely. Memories of Yue, the girl that he didn't quite love yet but had been well on his way to doing so.

After that, Kai tried to rest. So did Aang. But their nightmares were relentless. She didn't dream in sequences of Armageddon this time, just pure darkness. Somehow that was scarier. Kai heard voices float through her head, they whispered both sweet nothings and promises of mass destruction.

"You truly believe that monster is what stopped you from ending your own life?" One voice had said. "I will deny you death until you _beg_ me for it, sweet girl."

That one stuck with her. That's the one that'd woken her up — not with a start this time, but still feeling more exhausted than she had to begin with.

Sokka gripped the edge of Appa's saddle and hoisted his torso over top. "How's it comin' along up here?" He asked.

Kai was happy to see his face. She glanced up at him from her scattered belongings, giving him a weary smile. "I'm almost ready. Just reminiscing at this point."

He sat down across from her and thumbed through the items. Nothing of real value, besides her small arsenal of weaponry. Though one thing caught his eye.

_The Reward of a Benevolent Life_. It was the book she'd been reading the first time they met, when he was stuck in the ground and she'd fed him apples and sunflower seeds to pass the time. One of the seeds was there, too. It fell from between the pages and into his hands as he picked the book up.

"Promise me that you'll be back." Sokka said, and Kai opened her mouth to say something sarcastic in response, but was cut off. "I'm not joking, Kai! Promise me that you'll fight this thing. Promise that if it takes you, you go with it kicking and screaming until the very end."

He watched the little optimism she had drain from her eyes. They were so tired. When he'd first tasted those sunflower seeds that she'd placed on his tongue, her eyes were all he'd been able to look at. They'd captivated Sokka, making him both fearful and attracted to her. Now they were dull and lifeless, had been for weeks.

"You're too strong to bow out of this fight willingly." He said.

Kai looked around the island. Most would consider this place paradise; rolling hills and small orchards, caverns that could be explored to the heart's desire. Koala sheep baah-ed in unison. And all she could see it as was her burial ground.

But this would be a beautiful place to die. That thought brought her a small amount of comfort.

"If I succumb to this thing, I'll become a monster." She said, and her eyes hardened. "I've seen what it wants me to do. If I don't beat this, we don't need to worry about the Fire Nation anymore — because I will do unspeakable things to every being of every nation."

She watched Sokka's jaw clench. He didn't want to believe the things she was telling him.. but how could he deny it?

"I'll promise to fight my hardest if you make me a promise, too."

Sokka's features softened as he reached out to hold her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing her scarred palm. "Whatever it is, i'll do it."

Kai held his face and swallowed hard before she spoke, already hating herself for the burden she was about to place on him.

"Kill me first." She said quietly. "I don't want to die a villain. Taking my life will spare everyone else's. Please.. when I come for you, be sure to kill me first."

He closed his eyes, feeling his heart break over the idea.

But he still made the promise. Sokka nodded his head and leaned into her touch, just in case it was the last time he'd feel her gentle hands against his face. He was surprised when her lips touched his without the privacy that night usually provided them. Still, he kissed her back, and his closed eyes swam with tears over the realization that this may be a goodbye kiss.

"Wait up for me, please." She said against his mouth. "If I make it back, I'm coming straight for your sleeping bag."

* * *

The three girls followed Nero to the cliff's edge at the furthest end of the island. Kai had strapped her blades over her healed shoulders, she brought with her the burned dress that Enya had loaned her weeks earlier. Katara brought only her healing water and Toph, nothing at all.

The necessities only.

"Hold on tight. If you fall, you're a goner." Kai told the other two as they held onto each other. All of them had loaded up onto Nero's back.

She pulled out her blade and sliced into the scar that she'd made for herself. By now, it was a scar on a scar on a scar and so on. The blood dripped onto Nero's snout without the dilution of rain this time. He'd be able to find her mother more easily, hopefully.

For the entire half hour that it took Nero to find the correct cave, Katara could feel Toph trembling. She was truly blind for the first time in years. All she knew was that gravity wanted her fiercely. It was a relief when she felt their bodies straighten out, they were on flat ground now.

"PLEASE tell me we're finally there!" She yelled, and the echo of her own voice answered for the others. Toph rolled off of Nero's back and pressed her body firmly against the hard rock floor. "Oh, sweet, sweet land!"

The cave was just as she'd left it — lanterns lighting the darkest corners and a wall of rock blocking the deceptively adorable door. Kai had sealed her mother in the coziest prison cell possible as a form of punishment for betraying her. Or was it to protect the woman from the bubbling rage that she'd barely been able to fend off? She couldn't remember. Her nightmares, thoughts and memories blended together even when she was awake these days.

"Help me, Toph." Kai said. The energy to make the earth do her bidding had long left her. "There's a door behind the back wall."

Toph bended their entrance to the door and stepped back, along with Katara. The two girls stood far behind Kai with Nero to their side for extra protection.

She tapped on the door so gently that even Toph, with her heightened senses, could scarcely hear it. The hesitant footsteps on the other side were more prevalent. The door creaked open and settled dust from the stone wall sifted through its crevices. A woman peaked out.

"I.. uh, I brought your dress back." Kai said, holding out the ragged linen in her hands.

Enya looked the girl up and down. She saw that her daughter was taking more after her these days, with her olive skin having turned pale. Her eyes darted to Katara and Toph, with their gazes cast down and arms tucked behind their backs in respect.

She closed the door and loosened the chain lock, reopening it completely this time.

"Come in." She said.

The inside of the home caught Katara and Toph just as off guard as it had Kai during her first visit. They sat on the couch awkwardly with their hands folded in their lap while the mother and daughter stood in front of each other.

"This is Katara, from the Southern Water Tribe. She's a healer." Kai said. She motioned toward each of them. "And this is Toph Beifong. We grew up together."

Enya, surprisingly, smiled at the two of them. "You girls must feel incredibly out of your element here."

"You have no idea." Toph said.

Kai looked around the room, Enya had cleaned up most of the damage they'd done. She'd had plenty of time to, after all. The floorboard Kai'd ripped up had been shoved back into the hole in the ground, the small table near the kitchen was now missing a chair — maybe it'd been used for firewood, she thought.

"I need your help." Kai said. She'd been absentmindedly chewing the skin off of her bottom lip and could now taste metallic blood on her tongue.

"I figured as much. The mountain shook so hard this morning, I thought it would cave in."

Enya stepped back and waited. The silence between the two of them rang in Kai's ears and the atmosphere grew heavy. She expected an apology, and Kai was more than willing to give her one in exchange for her services. It was much less than most people gave to be treated by her.

But as Kai tried to bend her knees and lower herself to the ground, she felt her body stiffen. A conflicting, small flush of resentment for her mother coursed through her veins. In her head, she needed this woman desperately — but her fingers itched to wrap around Enya's throat while her legs simultaneously wished to dive off the side of the cliff in order to put distance between them. 

Kai cleared her throat. "I'm.. sorry, Enya. You were right." The words themselves made her feel nauseous and slightly dizzy. "There's so much darkness inside of me."

That darkness was with her then, too. She could feel it spreading from her chest, dripping off of her ribs and covering her organs in tar-like sludge. It made her lungs feel heavy.

"It gets stronger every day and.. I'm so fucking _weak_ compared to this. I don't know what to do."

Katara could see a sheen of sweat forming on Kai's skin. She stood from the couch and placed a supportive arm around her friend's waist. "We have a battle in just a few days and Kai keeps having these.. nightmares?" She glanced at Toph to silently ask if that were correct.

Enya approached her daughter and tilted her chin up with the sharp point of her nail. Kai fought the urge to recoil at her touch.

"You haven't slept in weeks, have you, my child?"

Kai shook her head.

"The darkness.. Does it speak to you?"

She nodded this time. It felt like a bubble was forming in her throat and if she spoke, it would burst and coat them all with thick, hot bile.

"Does it promise you riches, or power?"

Images flashed behind Kai's closed eyes — images of her friends, bloody and broken. Their throats slashed and entrails spilling out around them. It was something between a memory and a premonition, but it certainly wasn't just a nightmare. Her mind couldn't have created such morbid hallucinations.

When her eyes opened they were streaked with bright red, bloodshot veins. "It promises me a genocide in which I am the only thing left standing." She said, and Katara felt her skin contract where she touched her waist. "It promises to love me endlessly, so long as I stay in my place." Toph rose to her feet when she heard Kai's gruff tone of voice, as if she were speaking through clenched teeth while also holding back tears. "And sometimes, it makes me love it back. I don't know how, it's... it's like an enchantment or.. some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. But sometimes, in my dreams, it touches me and I know that I would do anything for it.. _Destroy_ anyone, just to satisfy its hunger.."

Enya drew in her breath, straightening her shoulders. Toph felt every heartbeat in the room speed up from fear.

"Well.. I guess we have a lot of work to do, then." Enya said and turned on her heel. "Follow me."

The door at the very end of the hall, that's where she led them. It was pitch black inside. Enya, Toph and Kai navigated the darkness effortlessly, but Katara stumbled until she found what felt like a chair and planted herself in it.

Enya lit a candle with her fingertips and it glowed red.

A real memory flashed briefly through Kai's mind. One of her curled up in the womb, all warm and cozy. But even her earliest memories were tainted by the happenings of these dangerous exorcisms.

The candlelight burned her eyes.

"Can I have s-some water?" She asked. Her mouth was suddenly bone dry.

Enya ignored her. She gathered items from around the room and placed them in a row on the small table. A jar of leeches, three masks carved from wood, a pitcher of water that glowed bright blue even in the dark.

"Put these on. They'll help us recognize who's real if things get out of hand." She told Katara and Toph.

"What's this?" Katara asked, eyeing the pitcher.

"Water from the spirit oasis at the North Pole. Keep that close to you.. you'll need it."

The masks they put on taunted Kai. They comedically resembled human faces with high eyebrows and wide smiles. Her vision began to blur, creating six of those laughing masks, and then twelve. Suddenly the room felt full and the blinding light from the candle seemed to expand.

Toph reached her hand out to touch Kai, having noticed how sick she looked. Her skin was radiating a fever and her eyes began rolling around in her head. Kai snatched Toph around the wrist. She squeezed until the young earth bender felt her bones threaten to crack. Kai's head lolled to the side and their eyes met, she looked pained.

"Remember that I love you." Kai whispered.

Enya closed her hand around Kai's and she flinched as if it hurt, releasing her grip on Toph. "No more touching until this is over, dear."

She spooned a dozen or so leeches into a large bowl and drenched them with the spirit water.

"Most forms of negative energy will leave one host willingly with the promise of another." Enya said while she lit a camphor incense stick. "I suspect this will not be the case today."

Katara joined the woman behind Kai, their delicate fingers guided Kai's robe off of her shoulders and at Enya's command, Katara bended the leeches onto the exposed portions of skin. The rest of the spirit water, she maneuvered over Kai's body. It swirled up her arms, over her shoulders, around her chest and to her back, then repeated the sequence.

Enya picked up a conch shell and spoke. "This will only last until the stick burns out, but to her it will have felt like a lifetime. Once I make this call—" Her eyes fell on Toph as she raised the shell to her mouth. " _If_ she speaks, don't believe a word she says. She's not your friend anymore."

Toph nodded understandingly and the woman breathed in deep, blowing out through the horn. The sound echoed even though the walls of the room were low and close together. It pierced Katara and Toph's ears, nearly causing the waterbender to lose her hold on the spirit water. Katara didn't know why, but she felt as if breaking the flow would be detrimental to them all.

Instead of the horn, Kai heard a low ringing; like a bell tower being struck far off in the distance, possibly from all the way across the ocean. She blinked and wasn't certain if she'd remembered to open her eyes.

It was dark, and she was standing. The fire was gone. Everything was gone — until she heard the clicking of shoes walking toward her. When it got close enough, it stopped, and a fluorescent light flickered between them.

There he was. He? It? It didn't matter. It was the same figure that'd joined her on the throne of bones, dressed to the nines with a head made of a blackened skull and antlers. She wasn't under his spell this time, not yet. Any beauty she'd found in him before was nonexistent. Now he just looked like a grotesque corpse in a stolen monkey suit.

"I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, darling. I thought we were having fun with our little game of cat and mouse." He said, and his voice was as smooth as whiskey. "Foreplay _is_ necessary when you're lying down with the devil, you know."

He reached out to touch her and she jerked her chin away. Kai wasn't scared this time. Fear didn't exist in this realm of her mind. But, spirits help him, anger did.. And she had plenty to spare.

"Tell me your name." She demanded.

He chuckled. "I don't need a name."

Kai put one foot in front of the other and circled the beast, sizing him up. She felt more human here than she had in weeks.

"I'd like to call you something." She said as her stride drew closer to him. "Afterall, we've been together for so long. And you've made me do such terrible things.. I think I deserve —"

"What 'terrible things' do you speak of?" He interrupted.

Kai stopped behind him. "I killed a man because of you. My father thinks I'm a deity and my mother thinks I'm just as evil as you are. I nearly murdered the avatar at your bidding. You leak out of my soul and into my extremities, willing me to do the work of evil. After all the trouble you've gotten me into, I think I deserve to know your name."

Again, he laughed, and turned on his heel to face her. "Oh, you naive girl. So sweet, so _stupid_.. I've merely admired your work from afar. I didn't 'will' you to do anything. All of that chaos was home grown, it came from deep within your rotten soul, because you _want_ to cause death and destruction." His chuckle turned darker, less amused, as he stepped toward her. He reached out again and she didn't stop him from grabbing her chin between his thumb and forefinger this time.

"You think that I'm the night sky and you're the twinkling stars? It's time you realized that there _are no_ stars in your sky, lover, only darkness. No celestial bodies or heavens lying in wait.. Just cold darkness that stretches for all of eternity." He stroked her cheek lovingly. "That's how long the two of us will be together, all of eternity."

Kai reached over her shoulder, grabbed her blades swiftly and sliced them only centimeters from her own face. Her aggressor cried out as his hand fell to the ground, detached from his body and spurting black blood.

The leeches on Kai's back swelled. "What's happening??" Katara asked.

"She's fighting." Enya said with a smile that couldn't be seen to the others. She always knew her girl was a fighter.

The dark figure grabbed his decapitated wrist and blood flowed over what fingers he had left. In a flash of anger he reared his hand back and slapped Kai so hard across the face that she fell to the ground. His long, sharp claws sliced into her cheek.

Toph watched as an unnaturally large hand print formed across her face and four long scratched wept blood. They stretched all the way from her temple to the corner of her mouth.

Kai's eardrum ruptured from the blow. The clicking of heels approached her on the ground and when they stopped, she felt a heavy pain in her gut.

He'd stomped on her stomach. "Good thing you aren't dumb enough to let your idiots finish inside. I'm not in the business of murdering children."

The monster leaned down to get a better look at the damage he'd done and Kai grabbed him by the antlers, smashing his face against the ground. She hoisted herself up while he stumbled on his feet.

Half an hour had already passed in real time. Katara's arms ached, but she had to keep the current flowing. Kai didn't speak. She made barely noticeable grunts and occasional moans, bruises and cuts would form on her exposed upper half and face at random intervals. The leeches swelled with the blood of another being.

Enya was right, Kai felt like she'd been fighting for a thousand years. Just when she thought she had the upper hand on her enemy, he bested her seemingly with ease.

The back of Kai's head slammed against the ground hard, causing her to go limp. She could physically see her own weakening heartbeat. It thumped slowly as he walked toward her. A massive fist closed around her throat, picking her up off the ground and leaving her dangling.

"I really, really believed this would end differently." He said as she clawed at his hand, struggling to breathe. "Was my promise of power not enough? Did I not love you enough, child? I would have shown you such greatness, you could've been a _queen_." His nails began digging into her neck, causing thin rivers of blood to pool in her collarbones and flow over her chest. "Very well. I can harvest your powers whether you're dead or alive. If you don't want to be here to enjoy the view, so be it."

"We have to help her!" Toph cried from the outside. Kai's body hadn't taken a breath in what felt like minutes. "She's DYING!"

The old woman eyed the incense stick. _Only a few minutes left, you can do this..._ she thought to herself.

As Kai's vision began fading to black, something clicked inside her mind. Puzzle pieces finally fit together, the dam of enlightenment burst open. She let go of his hand and lashed out at his face, digging her thumbs into his hollow eye sockets and holding onto him for dear life.

And then something unexpected happened.

Just before the last of the incense burnt out, Kai's limp hands burst into flames at her sides. Her eyes shot open and were glazed over with blackness, yet they glowed.

The monster screamed a demonic wail of many voices. He dropped her but she held onto his face, walking him backwards out of the dim light in her mind.

"I'm already a fucking queen. Your crown of thorns isn't needed."

Kai pulled him to his knees and reached for her sword. She reared the blade back, ready to finish him once and for all —

And then the ink drained from her eyes. It retreated back into her tear ducts and the flames covering her arms extinguished themselves. When she came to, Enya, Toph and Katara were on the ground in various corners of the room.

"How.." Katara huffed as if she was out of breath. "How did you do that?"

Kai looked at her hands and there wasn't a single burn on them, not even a smudge of ash. "I have no fucking clue."

Enya scrambled to her feet and lit all of the lanterns she had, filling the room with light. She and Katara worked diligently to pull the leeches off of Kai's skin. There were bruises everywhere.

"I was so close." Kai said. "We have to try again. I almost had him!"

"It would be of no use. That thing has the option to initiate contact. The only reason it agreed to the meeting before was because it didn't consider you a threat." Enya pulled the last leech off of her back and then took a stance by her daughter's side. She lifted her chin up in her hands, it didn't cause her to flinch this time. "You showed it that you are not a force to be reckoned with."

Kai smiled.

Enya served them all a cup of tea before showing them out. She held open the door while speaking to Kai.

"So is that it? It'll leave me alone now?" Kai asked. The other two girls were preparing themselves for another uphill ride on Nero's back so that the mother and daughter could have some privacy.

"I'm afraid not, my dear. It's weaker, but it's still there.. don't let it get the upper hand on you again." She pulled her daughter into a hug, a genuine hug this time, and whispered in her ear. "And before you ask, I have no earthly idea how you fire bended.. but Agni damnit, did it make me proud!"

Kai held her mother a little bit tighter at the sentiment. She felt _good_. She felt like _herself_.

"I hope to see you again soon, mom." She said as they pulled apart.

"Not even the spirits could keep me away."

* * *

The unzipping of Sokka's sleeping bag is what startled him awake. The moon was bright that night, and he could see that Kai's sour apple eyes were bright again, too.

"I tried to stay awake, I swear." He grumbled in his half asleep state. "Did ya beat it?"

Kai slipped out of her dress and into the one person bedroll with him. Sokka wrapped his arms around her waist, it was instinctual at this point. His fingers were stiff from the cold air, but she was unusually warm.

"No, but I'm going to."

"Good. I didn't wanna say anything before, but it would've really sucked to have two dead girlfriends."

He kissed the claw marks on her cheek and ran his fingers over every new wound on her body, wondering if he'd ever get the chance to see her without bruises.

Sokka yawned in her face, causing her to pull herself as far away as the sleeping bag would allow. "Gross, your breath smells like ass!"

"Yeah? Well, I think you like my ass breath!" He planted kisses furiously over Kai's face, chest and neck, sending her into a hushed laughing fit.

She held his face as he moved over her jaw. "Shut up and kiss me until I fall asleep, ponytail."

He kissed her once, "You don't have to tell me twice." and then again, a million times over.

Their arms tightened around each other and for once, a sense of normalcy washed over them. Kai's heart thumped rapidly until the moment darkness claimed her.

She wasn't afraid of the dark anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading or just tuning in! I appreciate it so much.  
> I, like many, have grown fond of the KaixSokka relationship. But sadly it will be coming to an end soon.   
> Talk to me in the comments, guys! I love hearing from you all!


	34. At Least We Die Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** VERY LONG CHAPTER AND CHARACTER DEATH **

The gang lounged at the cliff’s edge surrounded by maps that Sokka had drawn up for the invasion. It was a foggy morning, they couldn’t see more than a quarter of a mile over the water. And that was _perfect._

“Sokka, do you think the fog will delay the invasion?” Katara asked from the sidelines. 

Sokka stood at attention. He’d put more work into this plan than the others could imagine. “That _is_ the invasion!”

A break formed in the low hanging clouds and five Water Tribe ships floated through. At the center of the fleet stood a man at the helm, he lowered his telescope when he spotted his children and smiled.

“Don't take this the wrong way —“ Kai said while leaning in close to Sokka, “but if you look _anything_ like your dad when we get older, I might not let Suki have you back after all.”

Sokka glared down at her and she winked at him, causing his stoic gaze to fade as he elbowed her in the side playfully.

The ships unloaded with more than just Water Tribe warriors, though. Foggy Swamp water benders, Earth Kingdom villagers and wrestlers from Omashu had been picked up along the way, too. It was one big family reunion that Kai didn’t particularly feel she was even invited to.

She was chatting with Huu, one of the swamp people, about the illusion of death and pants when a nostalgic voice spoke from behind her.

“Kai?” the boy asked.

And she turned around in shock. “Haru??” 

The two of them were almost three years older than when they’d last seen each other. Haru looked different now, with his mustache and goatee, but that didn’t stop Kai’s eyes from lighting up as they raced toward each other.

“Holy shit, I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you too, Kai.” He said into her hair, hugging her tight. “How’ve you been?”

Kai didn’t give away much about her travels since they’d parted ways, and Haru told her about how Katara helped him free his father from prison. They’d formed a revolution in their small Earth Kingdom village and taken it back from the soldiers that were making their lives hell.

“That’s awesome, Haru! Maybe when all of this is over, your mom will actually allow me back in her house. Think she holds a grudge?”

Sokka caught snippets of the conversation, mostly just their warm embrace and them discussing how his mother had kicked her out, though he didn’t overhear why. 

He tried not to listen, really, but they just seemed too.. _close_.. for his liking.

The day got away from them all quickly. Teo and his father demonstrated a few of the new inventions they’d created while Toph showed off to The Boulder and Big Bad Hippo who she’d been trained by. Kai let them in on a couple of tricks, like rock bullets, just in case they found themselves in hot water later on.

It made her happy, meeting the roughlings that Toph had spent her time with while she was banished. It made her feel less like she’d abandoned her friend knowing now that she’d been in good hands all along.

After a while, Hakoda gathered his children, along with the rest of their gang, onto a makeshift podium he and Balto had set up. He pushed Sokka to center stage. After all, this was _his_ plan. He’d taken on the roll of their leader without any of them realizing it — and gracefully, at that.

But Sokka wasn’t immune to anxiety. He felt nervous, standing in front of a crowd of benders and heroes. 

“Umm... so, as you know, today, we're invading the Fire Nation! I mean I know you know that because otherwise why else would you be here?” He fumbled with his scroll and dropped it. “Anyway, the Fire Lord’s palace is here. Uh, nope, wait, wait, wait.”

Secondhand embarrassment caused Kai’s cheeks to flush as she watched him stutter over words that even a five year old could speak fluently. He tried starting from the beginning, which consisted of letting the entire militia in on the fact that Kai was an assassin, mentioning his kiss with Suki, pointing out Haru’s new facial hair and so on before Hakoda finally placed a fatherly hand on his son’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Sokka. Why don’t you take a break?”

Sokka’s shoulders slumped as he walked off stage and Hokoda began a speech — a _better_ speech. Kai followed after him all the way back to where their camp had been before packing everything up.

“Sokka, wait!” She said, grasping for his arm. Defeat showed prominently on his face when she finally caught up to him.

“I fucked up, Kai.” He moped. “The invasion plan was my moment of truth and I completely fucked it up. I just fell apart!”

“Dude, that wasn’t your moment of truth. That was just public speaking, and nobody’s really good at that.”

Sokka looked over the hill at his father, who was busy instilling wisdom and passion in the others. “My dad is.. He's explaining my plan perfectly and inspiring everyone. Like a _real_ leader should.”

Kai grabbed him by the arms, forcing his attention away from Hakoda and back to her. “Listen, your moment of truth isn’t gonna be on some stupid map; it’s gonna be out there on the battlefield because you’re a fucking warrior.”

He could see that she truly believed the words she spoke, and wished that he believed them, too.

“You seem so confident about everything.. how do you even know we’ll win?”

“I don’t.” She said with a smile. “But my world has fallen apart a thousand times, and somehow it always finds a way to stitch itself back together before I wake up every morning. If we die today, at least we die fighting — ambitions like that are what earn you your very own constellation.”

Sokka looked up at the sky and, though it was daytime, he still thought of Hercules. He realized then that no matter how today ended, they were making history. 

He pulled Kai in by the back of her neck and kissed her confidently in the forehead. “Let’s go knock some fire bender heads!”

* * *

Sokka and the Water Tribe warriors strapped on their traditional armor. Aang shaved his head and put on his monastery robes. Toph dressed in her Blind Bandit attire and Katara refilled her water skein. Even Appa and Nero looked like war machines, with their custom made armor. Everyone looked exactly how they should; as representatives of their respective cultures.

Meanwhile, Kai was still wearing stolen garments from the bottom of a laundry pile. She glanced down at the dress, bright red with gold embroidery. She looked like the enemy.

“Here.” Sokka said. “I picked this up for you before you came back. Sorry, I kinda forgot about it until now..”

In his hands was a folded up gown. It was as black as night, just like the clothes she’d left home with. An assassin’s wardrobe was made to help them blend in.

When she unfolded it, Kai knew it had to have cost him a pretty penny. Silk fabric, double stitched with an interior waist belt so it couldn’t come untied. She slipped out of her old robe and into the new one, immediately feeling like herself again. It fit her like a glove.

“Have I told you lately that you’re the best?”

Sokka blushed.

The water was gentle as they sailed across the sea, as if subtly telling them it was on their side. They approached the Gates of Azulon rapidly, signaled by the towering statues. Katara and the swamp people bended up a heavy fog cover but it didn’t help them for long. A siren rang out and a net made of fire lifted from below the surface.

“Everyone below deck!” Hakoda commanded.

The fleet of ships was just a smoke screen, below the deck waited submarines that would allow them unexpected entry to the Capitol.

“Come _ON_ , you furry _FUCK_!” Kai shouted at Nero as she shoved against him from behind. He hated the water terribly, but she’d anticipated this. A koala sheep corpse was enough to lure him below deck.

They loaded onto the submarines and navigated through the waters with ease. Tao’s dad steered while Hakoda, Sokka, Bato and Pipsqueak stood around congratulating the youngest of them all. The invention was a success, and it was all Sokka’s. Though not all of them preferred this form of travel — Toph sat at the back of the sub vomiting into The Duke’s helmet. She was Granny Smith apple green.

“There’s only one flaw.” The mechanist said, “The air supply in the subs is limited, so we’ll have to surface before we make it to shore.”

And that moment came quickly. Everyone stretched on the top deck while Kai sat on the edge of the trapdoor leading below. Aang soared down on Appa.

“So.. this is it, huh?” Aang said. It was all coming to an end.

“You ready for the Fire Nation to know the Avatar is alive?” Sokka asked. 

Aang seemed to question himself for a moment, but he _was_ ready. He and Sokka embraced in a warrior handshake and soon Hakoda was commanding everyone back below deck. They’d be resurfacing on the beaches soon, then the _real_ fighting would begin. 

Kai noticed Aang and Katara eyeing each other. She tugged on Sokka’s pant leg and he leaned down to hear what she had to say.

“I think they need a moment alone.” She whispered into his ear.

He looked at the two and saw them standing close to each other, shuffling nervously. And even though, as Katara’s big brother, he didn’t like the love they’d formed for each other, he followed Kai below deck anyways.

As soon as they felt the weight of Appa lift off of the submarine, they resubmerged. 

“Everyone into position. Earthbenders, into your tanks. This is gonna be a rough ride!” Hakoda shouted.

Kai mounted Nero, leaning down to whisper against his snout. “I don’t think we’re supposed to spill any blood today, my love, but I might turn a blind eye at just one or two assholes.”

He chittered with excitement.

Kai felt a hand brush against her lower back at the spot just between her two blades. “Be smart out there. Play it safe. You won’t have any protection since you and Nero aren’t going into the tanks.”

“I’ve got all the protection I need right here.” She said while patting her companion on the side.

Sokka tried to form a smile but it came off half hearted. “I want you back in one—“

“One piece, I remember.” She grabbed his face and kissed him hard without a care about who saw. “I’ll try my best, but again, no promises.”

He smiled genuinely this time, knowing that _this_ was her true element. War. It’s what Kai was created for. 

Torpedoes launched and burst through the final barrier separating them from the Capitol. When they washed up on the beach, the submarines disbanded, letting out just as many tanks, one filled with nothing but boulders, along with the rest of the warriors. 

They were under fire immediately. Missiles rained down on them like fiery hail. But Nero was faster than the slow moving tanks, he scurried across the battleground toward the battlements. Kai took out as many as she could to save the others from attack. The ground opened up at her will, swallowing battlements and Fire Nation tanks whole. 

Soldiers atop rhinos charged toward the rebels as more blasts of fire flew from their fists. Nero stopped for a split second, screeching animalistically into the wind.

“Nero, no!” Kai shouted at him and dug her heel into his abdomen. “I can’t have you missing half of your teeth just because you wanted to sample some rhino meat.”

His pause gave some of the Water Tribe warriors a moment to catch up, Sokka raced past them and Nero took off alongside him. 

“Hey! Hop on!” Kai yelled through the deafening sound of war that surrounded them.

Sokka leaped onto Nero’s back and the moment he got the chance, he knocked a Fire Nation soldier off of their steed, commandeering it as his own. Pride swelled in Kai’s chest, watching him race toward the battle. But when she turned her face back forward —

“Hakoda, watch out!” She shouted just as a fireball hit his chest, blocked only by a metal shield. 

The elder persevered, taking down three soldiers and then hopping onto the back of the rhino with his son.

They made it past the ground troops almost with ease, it was the battlements sitting high up on the mountain walls that were giving them the most trouble. Appa soared from the sky with Katara on his back, she dropped down to meet with the others. 

“We’ve gotta take out those battlements, it’s our only chance!” Sokka said, pointing to the structures on either side of the cliffs. 

Kai glanced at the ones to her right. “I’ll take those three, you guys get the rest.”

Before Sokka could shout to her that there was no way she could take on three flame throwing battlements and however many fire benders were inside, she was off. 

Nero didn’t pay a single mind to the soldiers standing in his way. If they chose not to move, he simply barreled over them. Natural selection ran its course. The crawler did what he did best — crawled, right up the ninety degree angle to the first battlement. When they barged into the first structure, they saw two fire nation soldiers readying their cannon for the next attack. Their hands grew hot at the sight of intruders, and just as soon as flames engulfed their hands, Kai snuffed them out. An encasement of stone covered their extremities from the elbows down.

Nero dashed out and Kai struck her blade against the ground, sending the battlement and its inhabitants on a landslide. They did the same for the second, but by the third attack, the soldiers inside were waiting for them.

They lunged at Nero and Kai as the pair burst through the door, a poor choice. One of the soldiers found themselves with a pair of ravenous jaws locked around his thigh. Nero showed no mercy on the poor soul as he tossed him out the window to his death. But the other was quicker — a spunky woman of smaller stature than Kai. She avoided Nero’s chomping teeth.

Kai always loved a chase. She drew her other sword and swung it at the woman, who ignorantly reached out to block the blow. The blade sliced into her palm, blood poured onto the ground like a river.

The soldier snarled with anger over being bested and her arms erupted with flames.

“Not today, my friend.” Kai said to her, and quickly closed her hand over the woman’s fists. The flames extinguished as she found herself unable to move. This wasn’t the work of an eclipse.

“What— how are you..” She stuttered.

“I don’t want you to die today.” The earth bender smiled. “The Fire Nation is falling. Go home before you fall, too.”

Kai released her control over the woman’s body, giving her back her powers. But her fire remained unlit. She walked out of the battlement calmly and left, doing exactly as Kai said. The final structure tumbled down the mountain shortly after.

Nero sniffed out Sokka, Katara and Hakoda at the sidelines of the forefront. The elder was hurt, badly. He’d been caught in an explosion when one of the canons backfired. Katara was working on healing his wounds when Kai jumped off of her steed and raced to them.

“Is he okay??” She asked. 

Katara pursed her lips. “I don’t think he’ll be able to fight anymore..”

Hakoda wasn’t having it. “Everyone’s counting on me to lead this mission, Katara. I won’t —“ Pain ripped through his side as he tried to stand, he cursed loudly.

Sokka’s eyes scanned the battlefield before meeting Kai’s. They were thinking the same thing; _this_ was the moment of truth he’d been waiting for.

“I’ll do it.” Sokka said as he drew his blade. “The eclipse is about to start, we need to be at the top of that volcano when it happens.”

Katara gave her father a pleading glance, begging him to talk some sense into his eldest child. 

“I’m proud of you, son.” He said, to Katara’s dismay. Sokka boarded Appa, taking flight back to the front lines.

Only there were no Fire Nation soldiers _left_ on the front lines. All that remained were the warriors and degenerates they’d brought with them. 

“Listen up, everyone!” Sokka shouted to catch their attention. “I want the tanks in wedge formation. Warriors and benders in the middle. We're taking that tower, and heading for the royal palace.”

The tanks and benders got into position with Sokka and Appa leading the front, Kai and Nero holding the back. At Sokka’s command, “CHARGE!” they barreled up the hillside.

Fire blasted them from every side, but they were unaffected thanks to their plates of armor. Water benders extinguished what flames happened to get through and earth benders forced the ground beneath the warriors' feets to give out. The ones that persevered — well, they were no match for a beast with needle like teeth and a thirst for blood. Nero grabbed anyone remaining by whatever limb he could get ahold of and slung them to what was almost certainly their deaths.

“The Fire Nation is falling back! Sokka, we’re on our way to victory!” Bato yelled over the crumbling of rock and screaming of men. 

At the top of the mountain, Sokka, Kai and Nero hid behind a tank while fiery boulders landed around them. Katara managed to heal Hakoda enough to drag him up the mountainous terrain, they stopped to see what map Sokka was looking at now. 

He was proud of himself, and Kai even more so. But Katara looked conflicted with her gaze cast up toward the sky.

“Is that.. is that Aang?” She asked as she backed up to get a better view.

It was. He flew down in front of them on his new and improved glider.

“ _Please_ tell me you're here because the Fire Lord turned out to be a big wimp and you didn't even need the eclipse to take him down.” Sokka said.

The lot of them kneeled next to their leader as Aang explained that Fire Lord Ozai simply wasn’t home. No one was, he’d found the palace completely empty.

“It’s over.. the Fire Lord is probably long gone: far away to some remote island where he’ll be safe during the eclipse.”

“I don’t think so.” Kai interjected, “I was trained on Ozai’s mannerisms and traits for years. He’s a narcissist, there’s no way he’d go _that_ far. He’s probably in a hidden bunker or something; somewhere he can be safe during the siege but still close enough to lead his nation.”

And if it were an underground bunker he was hiding in, well, two earth benders with alternative vision were just the girls to seek him out. Sokka pulled out a small timer, created by the mechanist, and explained that they only had about ten minutes left until the eclipse happened. Aang wouldn’t let the world down again, he was ready to defeat the Fire Lord, but Katara wasn’t so sure. She thought they should use what time they had left to make sure everyone escaped safely. 

“Katara, everyone that showed up today, showed up ready to die.” Kai said, addressing the unspoken agreement they’d all made. “They know what’s at stake. If there’s still a chance and there’s still hope, I think they’d want Aang to go for it.”

Katara turned her attention toward Aang. As much as she wanted to look after him, this was his decision. It was his fight and his honor on the line.

Aang turned his back on the group, facing the battlegrounds where the other soldiers still remained fighting.

“I’ve gotta try.” He said with determination. 

* * *

The gang rode Appa to the base of the volcano, watching as Nero scrambled wildly across the rocks below them. He kept up very well, him and Kai arrived at the meeting point just after the rest of them, and Kai’s eyes lit up as her bare feet hit the ground.

“Toph, get down! You gotta see this!” She shouted. 

Toph hopped down from Appa and immediately, a mental map of the world below them was being drawn in her head. “There are tons of natural tunnels criss-crossing through the inside of the volcano. And..” she leaned down to dig her fingers beneath the dirt, “something else, something big and dense. It’s made of metal deep in the heart of the volcano.”

Toph stomped and a sinkhole melted into the earth, blowing a cloud of dust in all of their faces. Aang said goodbye to Appa.

“Kai, can Nero sniff out the Fire Lord?” Sokka asked.

“If I had something of his, sure.”

They didn’t, so Toph tapped the inner wall, feeling the warm, dusty soot beneath her fingers and deciding which way they needed to go. She pointed in one direction and Nero took chase, leading the lot of them to victory.

“What would we do without you guys?!” Sokka shouted into the darkness with excitement.

Nero stopped abruptly, causing the others to smack into his back side.

“Perish in burning hot magma, from the looks of it.”

A chamber of land mines sat before them, craters full of lava bubbled and erupted, emitting putrid smelling gas from their crevices. They exploded at unpredictable intervals.

“Toph, Sokka, get on Nero behind Kai. I’ll follow behind.” Aang commanded. He rode his glider through the corridors while the crawler scurried along the walls, past the craters and over a river of fire. 

A massive metal door was hardly an obstacle for the group, Toph jabbed it with her elbow and behind it stood an old man, presumably he was supposed to be guarding the tunnels. But he wasn’t as willing to die for this nation as some of the other elders.

“The Fire Lord’s chamber is that way! Down the hall, to the left and up the stairs, you can’t miss it!” He quivered over the sight of the crawler’s snarling teeth. Being ripped apart isn’t a particularly favorable way to die.

Aang smiled at the man and thanked him while the two others hopped off of Nero’s back. They’d set a steady pace for themselves as they approached the next set of doors. This was it.

“I’m ready. I’m ready to face the Fire Lord.” Aang said, more to himself than anyone else, and with a gust of air blew the doors wide open.

But on the opposite, there was no king — rather a tyrant in the making.

“So, you’re alive after all.” Azula said. Her arms were folded cooly behind her back, not a hair out of place. She’d been waiting for them.

Kai jumped off of Nero and when her feet hit the ground, the brief alarm she felt from Azula’s presence disappeared. There was someone else in the chamber; far off but close enough that she could faintly read their body map. She was scarcely aware of the banter happening back and forth between the princess and avatar, but tuned in for long enough to hear Toph say that lying would be of no use.

“Are you sure? I’m a pretty good liar.” Azula said. “I am a four-hundred foot tall purple platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings.”

Toph hesitated. There was no increase in heart rate or slowed breathing to indicate an unnoticeable “tell” that most people had.

“Okay, you’re good, I admi—“

“No she isn’t.” Kai said, and watched as Azula raised a humored eyebrow. “Her eyes dilate by the tiniest bit when she lies, because she finds pleasure in it.”

That wasn’t something that Kai’d noticed at that moment. No, she’d picked that up in the few short days she spent sneaking around the Fire Lord’s estate, lounging in rafters made of metal beams and spying on whoever happened to cross beneath her path. Azula lied so often that it was easy to pick up on. 

The amused smirk on Azula’s face fell into a look of resentment. Earth crumbled from the ceiling above, leaving most of the gang in a confusing cloud of dust.

“When I left Ba Sing Se, I brought home some souvenirs: Dai Li agents.”

Aang tried his best to air swipe the two men that descended into the room, but was blocked by a wall of rock. When he shattered the wall like glass with his glider, they were ready to attack. 

Azula sat back, filing her nails, while the fight ensued; and Kai wasn’t doing much either. The gang didn’t need her help to finish off the rogue agents, so she sent a wave of Earth under Azula’s feet and was mildly impressed when the princess was quick enough to dodge it. She forced a stone column out of the ground and, midair, Azula used it to her advantage, bouncing off of it and hanging off of a nearby wall. 

A Dai Li agent slid down the column, seemingly coming out of nowhere and lunged for Kai. 

She recognized him. He was older now, but she recognized him.

This particular agent had accompanied Long Feng on numerous pilgrimages to the Beifong Estate. He’d watched idly as adults turned a child into a weapon and never once bothered to speak up the few times that her father had lost his temper in front of overseers.

But he’d looked her in the eyes, that much she remembered. Kai’d made a game of it, to see which adults would disobey her father’s commands of not acknowledging her very existence. It was usually the lower ranking men that failed; cooks and janitors that didn’t have much to lose in the first place. But every now and then, when her timing was just right or she made a funny enough face, Kai managed to sneak a peek at more heavily conditioned men staring at her. 

And they usually stared in awe. Or was it fear? For this man it was the latter. He looked at her the same way now as his heels skidded to a dusty stop, with wide eyes and mouth agape. He recognized her, too.

“Xui, stop!” He shouted to the other agent, who halted his bending immediately. 

Azula was far off, dashing through the corridor when Kai asked the men if this was where they really wanted to die.

“Away from your families, in a land that they’ve never even been to. Do you suppose the princess will bother with shipping your bodies back home, or do you think she’ll just feed you to the hungry volcano?”

The two men looked at each other, silently agreeing that their lives were worth more than the comfort this job provided. And just like when the man pretending not to notice Kai being snatched up by her hair, he stood by compliantly as the gang ran after Azula.

She hadn’t been trying to outrun them, really. A sweat hadn’t even broken out on her brow by the time they caught up to her. 

“I can’t pin her, she’s too quick!” Toph yelled. All of her rock blasts had missed the princess by much more than a hair. 

“Wait, why are we even chasing after her?” Kai said, stopping dead in her tracks. “She isn’t trying to fight us, she just wants to waste our time until the eclipse is over!”

“Am I not good enough for you to chase after?” Azula pouted her lip. “Or would you just rather be chasing after Zuzu? Unfortunately, he isn’t here at the moment. I believe he’s at some other girl’s palace. One with even lower self esteem than _you_.”

Kai lunged at her enemy, only to be caught by the forearm. “She’s just baiting you, don’t buy into it!” Sokka said. The mention of Zuko was the first that he’d seen someone able to get under her skin.

“Okay, so what do we do, just ignore her?” Aang asked, and Sokka shrugged.

He began walking away from Azula, tossing his hand up nonchalantly when she tried to tell him that the direction he was going was a trap.

“So, Sokka's your name, right? My favorite prisoner used to mention you all the time.” She said. Her words sounded just as venomous as a snake’s bite. “She was convinced you were going to come rescue her. Of course you never came, and she gave up on you.”

Sokka stopped. A tear ran quickly down his face just from hearing _her_ speak Suki’s name. He turned on his heel, sprinting toward the girl.

Azula briefly brandished a hidden dagger, only to fall short when Kai bended a rock glove over her palm, pinning her to the stone wall.

“Where. Is. Suki?!” Sokka growled, spittle flew in her face but she wouldn’t lay down her smile.

Azula refused to answer. Even with Sokka’s arm pressed against her throat, she refused to answer. And Sokka knew then that he was staring into the eyes of evil. He asked her again, “Where are you keeping her?!”

“Sokka, she won’t talk.” Kai said, reaching out to place a hand on his lower back.

Her heart hurt a little bit. She didn’t know why at the time, but it was just enough for her to recognize. It was the same dull sort of pain that she’d felt when she saw that tall, thin girl wrapped around Zuko’s arm at the Royal Palace.

But _this_ pain was short lived. Kai felt through the structure a battle ensuing somewhere not too far from them. She could see the silhouettes of the opponents, and she recognized them immediately. The pain was replaced by immense worry. 

“Oh, sounds like the firebending’s back on!” Azula said, and Kai tugged Sokka hard by the back of his tunic, narrowly pulling him out of the path of a fire kick.

Azula broke free and launched off of the wall, but her dangling leg was like a carrot on a stick for a Canyon Crawler. Nero barely had to jump in order to grab hold of her ankle, he slammed the Princess down against the ground. They all heard her confidence shake as her head hit the earth.

“Why, you filthy fucking insect!” She shouted.

A flash of blue light momentarily blinded them all. It cracked, echoing through the chambers.

Kai couldn’t move fast enough to pull Nero out of the lightning's path. Hate filled spider eggs hatched in her chest. They scurried all throughout her body as she felt Nero’s body hit the floor. As her vision cleared, she tried to catch his fall, but he was dead weight.

“No, no, no!” Kai shouted, slapping his face to revive him. “Wake up, wake up, boy, come on!” She chanted over and over.

His legs began to shrivel up under his lifeless torso and not a single one of his nostrils flared at her touch. Warmth began to flow out of Kai’s eyes, and she thought that it had to be the black, tar like hatred that she’d seen only in her dreams. But it was tears. 

“Wake up, my love, please..” She whispered close to his face, resting her forehead against his. “I’ll take you back home, I’ll let you eat her alive, I’ll—“

She stopped pleading when she heard Azula’s shrill laughter and looked up, bleary eyed and filled to the brim with sadness.

But sadness quickly transformed into sickening fury.

“Dad's all the way at the end of the hall then down a secret stairway on the left. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to see you now.” She said as she turned to run away, only making it a few feet before her leg stopped moving midair.

A pained mumble imminated from Azula’s throat. She didn’t have the ability to say anything more.

“You killed my crawler.” Kai said. She rose to her feet but allowed the tears to linger on her face. Sokka watched as his lover's jade colored eyes clouded and turned just as dark and murky as the sea after a raging storm. “Are you so stupid as to think you’re walking out of here unscathed?”

Azula’s body turned against her own command and without moving a single limb. The others watched in horror. With every step Kai took, the girl seemed to fold in on herself. Soft crunching noises could be heard from beneath her skin as joints that shouldn’t have been able to pop did so.

“KaiZz” Sokka said calmly, but she didn’t hear him. She was ready to finish what Nero had started.

He wrapped his arm around her chest from behind, stopping her from moving any closer, and whispered in her ear. “You told me you didn’t want to die a villain.. I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do, but if you kill her.. that’s what you’ll be. A villian.”

Kai’s jaw tensed. More tears rolled out of her eyes and her expression of fury turned again to one of angry depression. Her lip quivered and brow knitted together from the conflicting emotions.

She allowed Azula to fall against the ground as the group turned away from her, and when she got up to dust herself off, “Pathetic.. just like my brother.” 

A stinging pain shot through the deranged princess’s abdomen. She was face to face with Kai now, their noses almost touching. Blood began to pour out of her side. 

Kai’s father was right, Fire bender blood _was_ hotter than most people’s. It coated her hand up to her wrist as it flowed out from around the blade. 

“If I can’t kill you, I’ll settle for knocking you down a few notches.” Kai snarled through clenched teeth and retracted her switchblade from the girl’s body.

Azula grappled to stop the bleeding while the gang made a run for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unpopular opinion — Hakoda is a fuckin fox and him and Kai would have some seriously hot sex. No one can convince me otherwise.


	35. Read, please!

Hey, guys! I just wanted to get some quick feedback.

So Fictober and Kinktober started a few days ago and I'm highly considering doing it for Kai and the Gaang.

Fictober/Kinktober is a month long calendar with prewritten daily prompts that I would write into a scene.

Pretty much I would start a new SEPARATE story (while also updating this one) and would post daily one shots involving Kai and one other member of the Gaang.

These one shots would be completely unrelated to the main story and in a different book completely. Each chapter would be its own scene and would not coincide with the other chapters at all. Since my chapters usually run super long, I'll be combining the Fictober and Kinktober prompts into one chapter each day. So it'd be the quote from Fictober in the NSFW/SMUT prompt for Kinktober, if that makes sense.

Is this something anyone would be interested in? Please read the daily prompts below before responding, as some of them are pretty heavy.

Day 1 - Mutual Masturbation - "No, come back!"

Day 2 - Daddy Kink/Dirty Talk - "That's the easy part."

Day 3 - Dom&Sub/Mind Control - "You did this?"

Day 4 - Face Sitting - "That didn't stop you before."

Day 5 - Thigh Riding - "Unacceptable, try again."

Day 6 - Edging - "That was impressive."

Day 7 - Spanking - "Yes, I did. What about it?"

Day 8 - Cream Pie - "I'm not doing that again."

Day 9 - Exhibitionism - "Will you look at this?"

Day 10 - Overstimulation/Cock Warming - "All I ever wanted."

Day 11 - Aftercare - "I told you so."

Day 12 - Dubcon/Spit Kink - "Watch me."

Day 13 - Breeding - "I missed this."

Day 14 - Sensory Deprivation - "You better leave now."

Day 15 - Hierophilia/Impact Play - "Not interested, thank you."

Day 16 - Bondage/Face Fucking - "I never wanted anything else."

Day 17 - Knife Play - "Give me a minute or an hour."

Day 18 - Anal Play/Coercion - "You don't see?"

Day 19 - Begging - "I can't do this anymore."

Day 20 - Gagging - "Did I ask?"

Day 21 - Orgasm Denial - "This, this makes it all worth it."

Day 22 - Voyeurism - "And neither should you."

Day 23 - Sadism & Masochism - "Do we have to?"

Day 24 - Threesome/Oral - "Are you kidding me?"

Day 25 - Double Penetration/Pregnancy - "Sometimes you can even see."

Day 26 - Temperature Play - "How about you trust me for once?"

Day 27 - Cuckolding - "Give me that."

Day 28 - Praise Kink - "Do I have to do everything here?"

Day 29 - Noncon/Finger Fucking - "Back up!"

Day 30 - Nipple Play/Servitude - "Just say it."

Day 31 - Wildcard - "I trust you."


	36. Divine Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ NSFW ~

Running back down to the submarines felt like a dream. Kai's legs couldn't move fast enough and her heart seemed to be tugging her in the opposite direction; back towards the volcano, back towards a fight. Sokka dragged her along by the wrist while she continued to look over her shoulder.

They were under attack again. The eclipse had passed and they'd failed at taking over the Fire Nation. Aang and Katara were trying to keep the soldiers at bay while Sokka and the Water Tribe Warriors led everyone to safety.

"Everyone take cover, we're about to see some bombs!" Sokka shouted. War balloons floated over their heads like some sort of midsummer festival, and while he tried to pull Kai under the shelter of a smoldering boulder, her feet remained planted firmly on the ground.

Sokka looked back to see Kai chewing on her lip and looking forlornly at the Capitol.

"What are you doing?!" He shouted over the trampling screams of men.

Her cheeks were pink. Stray tears escaped from her eyes before she could respond. "I have to go back." Her voice cracked when she spoke.

"What??" Sokka's hand tightened around her wrist as she tried to take a step away from him. "Are you crazy? You can't go back, you'll get killed!"

Kai continued to look back and forth between safety and probable death — between her two lovers. Her heart was breaking for the second time that day and somehow it seemed worse this time around.

"Zuko's back there." She admitted. Saying it made the tears flow a little faster. "I saw him in the volcano, I _felt_ him fighting Ozai. I have to—"

The soft hairs on Sokka's spine stood on end and she tugged harder, but he wouldn't let her go again. "No, Kai." He said as sternly as possible, holding onto her shoulders with both hands. "Zuko can handle his father on his own, but all these people —" he motioned to the bloody scene around them, "they can't take on an army of fire benders without you. They _need_ you. _I need you_. So hate me for it if you want, but I have to get everyone back to the subs and you're coming with me — even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming!"

Kai looked back toward the volcano one last time and realized that if Zuko had lost his fight, he was already dead. She'd be chasing after a corpse. There was no use in going after him, no use in both of them dying at the hands of his father. She glanced up at the sky afterwards. The explosions had stopped.

"Why aren't they turning around to attack us again?" She asked.

Aang landed beside the two of them, along with Katara and Toph. The war balloons were drifting further and further away.

"They're headed.. for the beach." Aang gasped, "They're gonna destroy the submarines!"

Bato dragged Hakoda to his children, limp arm slung over his shoulder. Immense pain from the explosion earlier still lingered while he explained that they couldn't all make it out safely, not if the subs were about to be destroyed.

"Then our only choice is to stand and fight. We have the avatar, we could still win." Sokka said as he grabbed his sword.

Hakoda shook his head. "Yes, with the Avatar we _could_ still win. On another day. You kids have to leave. You have to escape on Appa together."

Katara broke down, grabbing her father's broken body and pleading with him to not leave her. She was reliving the death of her mother all over again in real time. Hakoda knew that this wasn't the end. It may be the beginning of hell, but it wasn't the end of the battle. They had to keep hope alive, and his children had always been that beacon for him.

"The youngest of our group should go with you." Bato said, "The adults will stay behind and surrender. We'll be prisoners, but we'll all survive this battle."

Haru, his father, and the rest of their fleet joined the group. Kai had only briefly met Tyro, Haru's dad, but she knew so much about him. She'd heard stories of him constantly during the few weeks she and Haru had spent together in that space of time between leaving the Great Divide and being kicked out by his mother. And since his escape from prison, Tyro had learned a lot about her as well.

"I've got some experience in Fire Nation prisons." Tyro said, speaking directly to Kai. "It's not going to be easy, but we'll get by." He approached his son's friend and, without warning, wrapped her up in his arms.

Kai stiffened for a moment and had to remind herself that this man wasn't going to hurt her.

"No, my wife doesn't hold a grudge. When all of this is over, I do hope that your travels bring you back to our village." He said to her, and she finally hugged him back.

The war balloons had already made it to the beach. The submarines were being decimated. They had only minutes now before the soldiers turned their attention back to the would be prisoners.

So they said their heartfelt goodbyes. Kai watched as the mechanist helped his son roll his wheelchair onto Appa's back. She stood by as Katara cried against her father's chest and Pipsqueak said farewell to The Duke. Tyro tried to remain hopeful as he hugged Haru by saying that they very well may escape from prison again before the kids could come for them.

And for once, Kai was happy to have no one to say goodbye to.

For the first time in a long, long time — she remembered why she used to opt out of goodbyes in the first place. Because they hurt like a bitch.

Still, as they rode away over the water on Appa, she _was_ saying her own silent goodbye, because she couldn't trick herself into believing that Zuko had won in an Agni Kai against his father. And because she would never be able to give Nero the burial that he deserved.

She sat at the back of the saddle for the duration of their journey, staring towards the direction from which they were leaving, and fought the urge to make her nightmares a reality.

A throne made of fire bender bones was sounding lovelier the further they flew, and a crown made of royal incisors was looking more and more like her new style.

* * *

It was evening by the time they made it to the Western Air Temple. The sun was hugging the horizon and beautiful colors painted the sky above while they trudged along slowly with broken spirits. They unloaded Appa and when they were finished, the newest members of their group were eager to explore their temporary home.

"Wait." Kai said, catching their attention before they could dash off. Everyone looked so broken with their shoulders slumped and eyes cast down. "I just want all of you to know how proud you made me today."

"For what? We lost.." The Duke said.

"Did we? Maybe you and I didn't see the same battle." She said. Kai lowered herself to one knee in front of the small boy. "Because the battle _I_ saw involved a bunch of kids, ones that'd never known a world without war, deciding that they'd had enough. The battle that _I_ saw made a mockery of the Fire Nation, as we proved that they are _nothing_ without their bending, yet here we are with so many capable non-bending warriors."

She stood to her feet again and turned toward the others. "We made friends with Death today. The lot of you greeted him with respect and dignity, ready to be walked into the afterlife if he decided that it was your time. The next time we go to war, we go with smiles on our faces, because the Fire Nation now knows that they've raised a generation that's sick of their shit. One that's willing to die if it means taking them down."

Haru stood a little taller and Pipsqueak puffed up his chest with pride.

"Go. Explore. We'll take care of the unpacking, be back for dinner in an hour or so." Kai said, dismissing them all.

Aang tried to take off with the other boys but was reeled in by Kai's hand on his shoulder. "Not so fast, Aang. We need to talk about some things." She told him.

The others ran off, leaving Aang sitting against the cold, foggy ground. He didn't want to think about the failed invasion right now and especially didn't want to start planning their next attempt. His pride was still too bruised.

"Fine, what's the new plan?" He asked.

"If you ask me, the new plan is the old plan! You just need to master all four elements and confront the Fire Lord before the comet comes." Sokka said, as if Aang hadn't already considered that.

Aang rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. That's great, no problem. I'll get right on that."

Katara rested on the ground beside him, hanging onto his arm lovingly. "No one said it's going to be easy."

"Well, it's not even gonna be possible! Where am I supposed to get a firebending teacher?"

"Actually..." Katara started. Toph strolled over toward her with her arms crossed, they eyed Kai, who was rummaging through their supplies for enough food to feed them all.

"Absolutely not." Kai said without bothering to turn her attention toward them. "I told you guys, I don't know how I did that and I doubt I could make it happen again."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Sokka yelled, flailing his arms around. "Did _what_??"

Neither him nor Aang had been told much at all about the trip to Enya's home. The three girls looked nervously back and forth at each other, surveying who would be best to break the news.

"Kai kinda.. sorta.."

"Accidentally." Kai added.

"Firebended.." Katara said. "Just for a second!"

Sokka's ears nearly erupted with steam. "We just went up against half an army of fire benders, and you're choosing _NOW_ to tell us that we've had a fire bender on our side this whole time?!"

Kai stopped fumbling with the luggage. She sat back on the cool stone ground, pressing her fingers against the bridge of her nose while the siblings argued the logistics of the entire situation. It felt like she was a child again, listening to her father and Master Bumi fight over what she could and couldn't do, how and when she would train, without bothering to ask her how she felt at all.

" _ENOUGH!"_ Kai shouted. Her voice echoed throughout the mountain, dust from the ceiling settled around them. The two siblings quieted down at once.

"I won't have the two of you talking about me as if I'm not sitting right here! I'm _not_ a fire bender and even if I were, have all of you forgotten what happened the last time Aang and I trained together?" They all remained silent. "That's what I thought."

Katara threw around the idea and seeking out someone named "Jeong Jeong", a man that Kai and Toph weren't familiar with. But ultimately, Aang just ended up running off to explore the temple with the other boys while the rest of the gang worried about dinner.

* * *

Kai sat next to the campfire alone that night, long after everyone else had already chosen their rooms and retired. She tossed kindling into the flames to keep them roaring and zoned out while watching shades of orange and yellow lick the air around them.

"You look cold." Sokka said from the entrance of the nearby breezeway. He'd dragged the blanket of his bedroll along with him. It was wrapped snugly around his shoulders.

"It's the altitude. I swear, it makes even my bones shiver."

Sokka sat down beside her, sharing his blanket and warmth. He draped his arm over her shoulders and she slid hers around his waist.

"I'm sorry about Nero." He said, and Kai smiled.

That's who she'd been thinking about while staring into the fire. She remembered the words that she'd spoken to her father when he'd tried to escape her confrontation deep inside The Great Divide.

_There's a canyon crawler waiting for me out there. He's willing to die for me, and more so, he's willing to kill for me._

Kai supposed that she hadn't been lying. Nero served her til the very end.

"It's my fault for choosing the hungriest crawler to be my companion instead of the smartest. I loved him, but let's face it, the fucker thought with his stomach instead of his insect brain."

"Yeah, well, I can relate to that." Sokka laughed and she joined him, but it was only half hearted. He'd felt a shift in her back inside that volcano. He'd felt it in himself, too. Like suddenly they weren't enough to fill the aching void in each other's hearts anymore.

"Kai.. is there something we need to talk about?" He asked.

She glanced up at him and, though she'd hoped to avoid this conversation completely, it was clear that he already knew.

Neither of them said a word. It's not easy to break someone's heart, not when you're simultaneously breaking your own. Kai knitted her fingers between his in his lap as she spoke.

"I love you, Sokka."

His heart lurched. "I think you already know that I love you, too."

She did know. She could taste it on his lips when he kissed her, she felt it in his thrusts when they made love, and she heard it in his shaky voice now.

"I thought you were gonna kill Azula when she said Suki's name... I could feel your heart jumping out of your chest."

"Says the girl that literally stabbed her."

Kai scoffed and he felt her chuckle silently.

"She'll be fine. A little puncture wound usually does wonders for an enlarged ego."

She smiled up at him. Sokka didn't like the fact that it felt as if she were going away again — like if they broke things off right now, he'd no longer be able to protect her from the evils in the world and the unknowns in her dreams.

"Sokka.. I was wrong for saying that we were only attracted to each other out of convenience. And I was a fucking idiot for believing that you were the only one who'd end up broken hearted."

He repositioned the two of them, leaning back against the wall and pulling Kai sideways on top of his lap. Their arms switched spots with his now wrapped firmly around her waist and her fingers stroking his scalp gently. Sokka nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck, it was cold against her skin. She rested her cheek against the top of his head and held back tears as she could already feel a piece of herself missing, one that she'd given to him to hold onto for a lifetime. Kai wanted to hate him for being so easy to love.

"You've always been Zuko's, haven't you.." He mumbled close to her ear, "And I've always been Suki's. We never really stood a chance together, huh?"

Kai thought about it for a moment and sighed. "I've been _fucked_ since the moment I met him. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't give you my all."

That seemed to lessen the pain in Sokka's chest a tiny bit. Finally, someone had loved him just as fiercely as he'd loved them. He had so, so much love to give.. It was comforting to know that it hadn't been wasted this time.

"Will you regret this?" She asked, just as he'd asked her after handing over his virginity.

Sokka pulled himself away from her neck and looked up into her eyes, brightened by the campfire, as if it were for the last time. "Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you aren't the best thing that ever happened to me. You are."

He watched her mouth quiver as if she were about to cry and fought the urge to reach up and stroke her lower lip. Sokka's attraction to her was still there even as they gently ripped each other apart. Her eyes fell on his lips, too. Vine ripe watermelons would forever be ruined, as she'd never again be able to eat one without thinking of his taste.

"Just curious, but, uh.." He began, sounding more nervous than ever, "Is that offer still valid? The one that includes me kissing you whenever I want.."

Kai smiled as he stroked his thumb along her jaw. "I don't think this is how people are supposed to break up, Sokka."

Still, their faces moved closer.

"Probably not. But I have to admit, it's better than you turning into the moon or being taken prisoner by the Fire Nation."

She cursed herself for not being strong enough to just let go of him. Even with the prospect of future lovers, their skin still begged to be stained with the other's fingerprints.

Kai kissed him gently and it felt like a butterfly landing on Sokka's lips. Like being kissed by nature.

"Is that a yes?" He whispered.

"Until it becomes inappropriate, yes."

His hand that'd become stationary against her jaw slipped into her hair. Sokka kissed her like he was moments away from walking onto the battlefield, into almost certain death. She leaned into his chest and took in the way every single one of his features felt blindly against her — the way he brushed his nose against hers when they pulled apart for air. His thumb that absent mindedly stroked the spot between her ear and hairline. The warmth of his torso and how solid his muscles felt against her chest.

Sokka nipped at her lower lip, causing a churning to form between Kai's hips. Her breath caught in her throat and she clenched her teeth to stop a moan from escaping. But she could feel his response to the kiss growing beneath her, too.

"Sokka.." She whispered, and he kissed her again because he wanted to, and because she'd given him permission to do so.

Her tongue slid into his mouth as she pressed her body firmly against his. His hand that'd been wrapped around her waist slipped lower, trailing over her ass that was covered by her dress. Kai pushed her palm against his chest, forcing his lips off of hers, though only barely. She opened her eyes to see that his were glazed over heavily with arousal.

"Have you ever heard of break up sex?"

Sokka smiled like it was Christmas morning. He leaned forward, guiding her back against the freezing cold stone ground of the temple, dragging the blanket with them. He kissed her again and she grinned against his lips while opening her legs for him to rest between. He felt her heat against the crotch of his sleep pants as he pushed himself against her.

There was no time for foreplay. They were made visible by the light of the fire and if someone were to wake up, there was nowhere for them to quickly take cover.

Kai slipped her hand between their bodies, pulling the drawstring of his pants loose before she pushed the waistband down on his hips. Sokka's stiff cock sprang to life against her hand.

She stroked him gently while he pushed her dress up over her hips — the dress that _he'd_ gifted to her. He cupped her sex and could feel her slick juices already seeping through her underwear. She wanted him just as badly as he did her. Kai lifted her hips as he guided her underwear down, they hung off of her ankle while he held her by the back of the head, not wanting her to accidentally bump the hard ground.

The urge to proclaim her love for him again grew stronger as he pushed his cock inside of her. The cold nipped at her clit as he warmed her from the inside out, hitting the back of her cunt as he crashed into her over and over again.

Sokka's thrusts weren't as gentle as usual. She was thankful for that. The small amount of pain he delivered made the pain of losing him hurt a bit less. He reached for her thigh, pulling it up over his hip, opening her up for him to fuck her deeper.

His moans vibrated her skin and his teeth scraped against her throat. The stones beneath them scratched her back. It burned, but she couldn't stand the thought of asking him to stop.

Kai stared up into the abyss and, though the stars weren't visible through the dense fog, she hoped that the Gods had a front row seat to their indecency. She hoped that the universe was watching in dismay as she made love to a man that wasn't part of it's divine plan for her. Loving Sokka was not part of her destiny, it wasn't supposed to happen in this life or any other, but she did so because she _wanted_ to. And she hoped that it broke whatever higher being's heart that she'd strayed so far away from their plan for her.

Sokka panted heavier in her ear now. He thrust into her harder and planted one elbow above her head, lifting himself off of her while they moved together. He saw that her cheeks were flushed and her lips were kissed raw, they parted, allowing her soft moans to deliver foggy breaths between their bodies.

Her fingers began digging into the side of his ass, like they always did when she was coming to her peak. Kai's head rolled to the side to hide her contorted features—

But Sokka grabbed her by the chin and held her face steady. He rested his forehead against hers, refusing to let her look away.

"I love you." He whispered, and a tear fell from his eye onto her cheek, " _Fuck_ , I love you.."

Kai babbled incoherently as she came around his cock. His ocean blue eyes drew her orgasm out for what felt like an eternity and his hips held hers against the ground as he rolled into her. Sokka pulled out of her in just enough time to unload on her inner thigh.

She hoped that the Gods saw _that_ , too. Just in case they had plans to punish her for her disobedience.

The two of them fixed their clothing and sat back up against the wall, chests heaving and skin burning.

"Will you make me one more promise?" Kai said, panting.

Sokka turned his attention toward her.

"Find me in our next life. Please." She said, both sadness and hope lingered on her breath, "Find me before we fall for other people again. I wanna spend at least one of my lives with you."

Sokka pulled her in close to his chest again and kissed the top of her head. "I'll find you in every single one of our lives and love you even in death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm going on vacation next week so updates may or may not happen until after the 21st.   
> If you don't already know, I'm participating in Kinktober bc I'm a horny trash goblin that loves smut and filth. So if you wanna read some disgusting one shots ft ya girl Kai and other various ATLA characters, check out that story on my page.  
> Love you all.


	37. Late, In Love, And A Little Drunk

Zuko watched in agony from a hidden corridor of the temple. It was daylight, but he remained concealed by the shadows; save one sliver of light that shined across his scarred face.

His heart beat as wildly as a caged bird against his ribs as he admired Kai from afar. She sat leaned back against a pillar with her knees drawn to her chest, a book resting atop them. Her nails scraped along the gritty pages as she followed whatever it was she was reading with her finger.

She looked peaceful, he thought. She looked content with life, the way she had when they met and before he'd muddied everything up. Her head turned sharply from a sound that she could likely feel, but Zuko couldn't hear. His eyes followed the motion of her head.

A boy approached her. He leaned against the pillar where she sat and said something that was out of Zuko's earshot.

What he _did_ hear was the sound of his own heartbeat echoing in his ears as the unknown boy offered her his hand.

_She won't take it.._ He thought to himself.

Kai wrapped her long fingers around his and he hoisted her up. She let go of him once she was steady on her feet, but Zuko noticed the way the boy's fingers remained splayed out midair for an extra second, hoping that she'd find her way back to him.

She tucked the book under her arm and they walked together, hands to themselves, out of frame.

Zuko held his forehead to the white washed stone walls in frustration.

Kai followed Haru to the top of the cliff, through the rolling hills of the meadow that hid the Western Air Temple from the rest of the world. The dandelions were starting to wilt. It wasn't their season anymore and soon, it would be as if they'd never existed at all.

Haru had asked her to read to him like she used to when they were barely teenagers. He'd always adored the subtle inflections of her smooth voice and Kai had always appreciated the way he listened silently, saving his questions until she was finished with each verse or chapter.

_And all that time, you thought golden-armoured braggarts could storm my heart into surrender._   
_Oh, mama._   
_What did I care to be a bride,_   
_when I could be a queen?_   
_I wasn't afraid, mama; I wasn't taken._   
_I left._   
_If only you knew how his hair is softest_   
_when he's on his knees,_   
_coaxing spring from inside of me._

The words dripped off of her lips like sweet lemonade on a hot summer's day. They made Haru blush with slight embarrassment as the two of them laid opposite each other in the weeds — his head resting by her feet and vice versa.

"Heavy. Who knew air nomads could be so romantic?" He responds after considering the poem's meaning.

Kai scoffed. "More like horny." She rustled through the pages of the hand written poetry book she'd found in the library. "Here's a shorter one — _'I hope to arrive to my death late, in love, and a little drunk'_."

"Now _that_ sounds like it was written by you." He pinched the back of her calf, forcing both a whimper and a giggle out of her and she nudged him in the side of the head with her knee.

Kai supposed in those moments of simplicity that she loved Haru, too. More so than she did Aang or Katara, but not as suffocatingly as Sokka or Zuko.

Not at all like Zuko.

Rustling grass alerted them in the distance. Haru sat up while Kai kept her nose buried in the pages, breathing in that musty old smell of a book that hasn't been touched in a hundred years.

It was Katara trotting full speed ahead while Sokka stumbled clumsily behind her.

"What's up with her?" Haru asked.

Kai sat up and recognized the look on Katara's face. It was that of blind rage, ignorant assumption that always seemed to throw her into a fit.

" _You!"_ Katara spat as she laid eyes on the girl. Her water bag smacked loosely against her thigh with the cap unscrewed. " _You_ led him here, didn't you!" She shouted.

Kai only had enough time to toss the book away from her, saving the delicate pages from being ruined forever by the cold splash of water that was delivered to her. She knew that if Katara had the ability to heat it up, it would've been boiling.

Thank god she wasn't a fire bender, she surely didn't have the emotional stability for it.

Kai sputtered and wiped her face, leaving only confusion to drench her features. "It would be nice to know exactly _why_ I'm being attacked sometimes." She muttered.

Sokka finally caught up with his much quicker baby sister. With his hands on his knees and lungs burning, he choked out, "Zuko —" another wheeze, "— at the temple —"

The feeling of weightlessness overcame Kai as she stood to her feet. Her heart thumped just as wildly as Sokka's and her head felt swimmy. The tips of her fingers began to tingle.

"Huh?" Kai asked, and it seemed as if the air was too thin to deliver oxygen to her brain. She couldn't comprehend the words that Sokka had spoken.

It was only when Katara began readying a water whip that Kai came back to her senses. Chutes of solidified dirt shot out of the ground and encased both of the water bender's fists, stirrups surrounded her feet.

"Zuko?" She asked again breathlessly, "He's... _what_?"

Katara grunted, struggling to free her hands. "He _was_ at the temple, putting on some show about how he's changed and wants to teach Aang fire bending."

Kai had long forgotten about the fact that her hair was dripping wet. Now she couldn't shake the itchiness in the souls of her feet. It was restlessness sensationalized, and it could only be driven off by running full speed.

"Did you know that he sent Combustion Man after us?!" Katara demanded to know.

"I told you, his name's — Ugh, nevermind!" Kai'd already begun back away from the three others. "Where is he now?? Still at the temple?"

She was behind Katara's fixed stance now, and the girl wasn't willing to strain her neck to help Kai. Sokka rubbed the back of his neck nervously, uncomfortable with telling his old flame how their encounter had ended.

"We, uh.. we couldn't let him join us, Kai." He said softly. "It's his track record. We can't trust him. Not after we just failed to bring down his own father."

The weightlessness lifted and now it felt like cement had hardened around her ribs.

"So, what? You just turned him away?!" Kai spat, and Sokka nodded solemnly. Her hand ran over her face, holding back angry tears that were bubbling to the surface. "I can't believe this..."

Katara shouted over her shoulder, "He hunted us down for _months._ He turned on us once and it almost cost Aang his life!"

"He _saved_ my life, you imbecile! If it weren't for him, I would've rotted away from infection! If it weren't for him, we _still_ wouldn't have Appa!"

Haru's brow knitted together as he looked on from the grass. The air surrounding Kai grew bubbly and distorted, like it was melting around her. Her fists were clenched tight, and if he looked hard enough, he swore he could see steam emitting from her fingertips.

A tremor shook the meadow and Kai took a deep breath. She had to remind herself that the Western Air Temple was old, it was delicate. She closed her eyes and counted to ten silently as she stepped away from the others, grasping for composure like it was the frayed end of a rope and she was at the bottom of a ten foot pit.

Then she sprinted. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, and then pushed them even harder. Her hands and feet dug into the side of the cliff and she climbed down on all fours, having learned a lesson or two from Nero.

Kai had told herself not to get her hopes up. She'd lied and said that she wasn't sprinting for any particular reason, that she just needed to stretch her legs, on the way back to the temple. Yet she was filled to the brim with the sharp blade of disappointment when the only person who greeted her was Aang, sitting on the ledge of a balcony, when she returned.

"He's not here, Kai. I'm sorry." Aang said, and his apology was genuine.

Kai pressed her forehead against the cool stone wall, just where Zuko had been not long before, and closed her eyes. "Yeah, Aang.. I figured as much."

For a moment, a nagging voice whispered in the back of her mind. It was childlike and squeaky, innocent.

It let her in on a secret — and that secret was the density of the wall where she was resting her head. It was harder than her skull by a long shot. The voice reminded her that bashing her own brain in was always an option, and that if she wanted to do it, nobody would be able to stop her.

Kai backed slowly away from the wall and retreated to her bedroom.

She slept for the rest of the day and throughout the night.

* * *

Morning came all at once and it felt like no time had passed at all since her major let down the day before.

Kai was staring at the ceiling when she woke up, lying on her back with the foggy morning light wafting in through the window. She'd slept well — peacefully, even. Save the confusing phrase that woke her up sporadically throughout the night.

_You forgot to lock the door._

She stood and stretched, bending to touch her toes before checking the door handle to her bedroom. It _was_ unlocked, just as she'd left it. Kai and Toph were sharing a room. Of course she'd leave the door open for the girl.

Kai rubbed her eyes clear and realized that she was alone. She buttoned her dress and braided her hair quickly. It was later than she'd anticipated.

When she reached the commons area of the temple, Katara was already serving everyone breakfast. Scrambled eggs and some sort of pan fried meat. There was no trace of any anger from the day before lingering on her face.

Katara did that often; misjudged a situation completely and then regretted her reaction to whatever incident she'd fabricated. It didn't matter, she was already forgiven in Kai's mind.

"Has anyone seen Toph?" Kai asked. "She's not in our room and I don't remember her coming in last night."

"I haven't seen her since she stormed off yesterday." Sokka said from across the way.

"Stormed off? When was this?"

Katara grumbled to herself about it happening after _"you-know-who"_ showed his mutilated face, and Kai shot her a look that told her it was best to keep her mouth shut unless she had something helpful to add to the conversation.

They discussed whether or not they should look for her, and the three newest boys to join their gang decided to check in the wind tunnel for her (Kai suspected they were still enjoying their surroundings, she let them go without protest).

They ate in silence after the boys departed. Kai chewed slowly, as she still felt like she could fall back asleep at any moment, until a rumbling in the structure alerted her.

Rocks came tumbling down from the walls in a homemade chute, they carried Toph with them on their backs. She was lying down with her legs suspended, her feet raw and glowing red on the bottoms.

"Shit! Toph! What happened?!" Kai yelled, startled, as the four of them rushed to her side.

"My feet got burned!" Toph replied.

Katara parroted Kai's question of, "What happened??", to which Toph, sarcastically responded, "I _just_ told you that my feet got burned."

Kai picked the girl up, carrying her to the nearby fountain to sit her down beside, "She meant _how_ , you sassy little shit."

Toph's silence concerned Kai more than the scorches on her soles did. After a brief dip in the water, she finally opened up. "I kinda went to see Zuko last night.." She said, low enough so that the others couldn't hear. "I thought that he could be helpful to us, I thought that maybe we could work something out if I talked to him."

It was Kai's turn to be silent now. She cast her eyes down at Toph's swollen and blistered feet. It was easy to forget how deadly a frightened fire bender can be when you're used to being the most terrifying thing in the world.

"He didn't mean to." Toph whispered after a while. She feared that if Aang didn't find a fire bending teacher, all the blame could now be cast on her.

Kai looked up, meaning to tell the girl that everything would be okay, when a metallic glimmer caught her eye.

She yanked Toph away from the fountain by her torso, swiping her hand haphazardly toward the other three, sending their momentarily paralyzed bodies flying out of the way of a fire blast.

But it wasn't her quick wit that saved the five of them. Aang looked up from his resting place and, as the dust from the explosion settled, he saw Zuko hanging onto Combustion Man's arm atop a nearby cliff.

"Stop!" Zuko shouted, "I don't want you hunting the avatar anymore!"

The assassin attempted another blast from his third eye, only to be kicked in the jaw by Zuko's swinging leg. Shiva threw the boy against the wall of the stone ledge, knocking the wind out of his chest. Jagged rocks pierced his skin and warm blood flowed down his tunic.

"Can't you do something!" Sokka yelled frantically, "Can't you—you, _bend him!"_

Kai ushered the lot of them behind the cover of a wall, peeking around the corner. "I can't bone bend someone that has the mental clarity of a freaking God, Sokka!"

They watched as Zuko fended off attack after attack, mostly by dodging blows. With no spare time to make a move of his own, he remained on the defense until a small opening presented itself. Zuko raised a wall of fire between Shiva and himself.

His only move backfired immensely. Combustion Man pushed the wall back, taking control of the flames and forcing Zuko closer to the edge of the cliff. The flames grew hotter, wilder. They reached out for Zuko's skin, threatening to grasp his clothes and engulf him. His heels dug into the ground as he was pushed further and further back.

With the casual twitch of his hand, Zuko was blown off the mountain. The flames erupted around him and soon, the ground below his feet was no more. He reached for something, _anything_ , to catch his fall.

"No!" Kai screamed. Her voice cracked from a mixture of horror and shattering hope. She gave away their hiding place, alerting the hit man to their position as she slid across the stone toward the abyss. Toph ran behind her just as she had after the catacombs, but she was tripped up by Katara's water whip wrapping around her ankle, dragging her back behind the wall just in time to not be blown to bits by another explosion.

Debris rained down on Kai as she flung herself over the edge. She kept her eyes wide open and they were filled with falling dust and wind as she searched the air for Zuko's falling body.

Her fingers brushed something solid and wrapped themselves around it, a hanging vine noosed around her ankle.

Kai's shoulder dislocated as she and Zuko came to a halting stop. She looked down through the thick fog to see such real fear in his amber irises. His other hand grasped for her desperately, and she took it without hesitation.

"I got you, I got you!" She chanted over and over, trying to not let him know that she was just as scared as he was.

Blast after blast exploded far above them. More debris coated their skin, blinding them, though they kept their eyes only on each other. Zuko, content with the fact that the bottom of this pit may be his final resting place, thought that this would be a lovely way to die — staring deeply into such captivating eyes while the world blew to pieces around him.

Another explosion.

No, an eruption. Boulders, ashes and balls of fire rained down, the earth roared, and then all was silent.

Kai heard Toph wail her name and finally tore her gaze away from Zuko's. She twisted her neck, as painful as it was, to look back up toward the ledge.

The gang was there, searching through the smoke for her.

"We're here!" She yelled. "I need help!"

She circled her ankle around the noose again, pulling them up by only an inch, maybe less. It caused the vine to squeeze her joint.

"Stop moving, I'll get Appa!" Aang shouted.

Moments later, Kai was screaming at the top of her lungs as Toph set her dislocated shoulder back into place. The pain radiated down to her elbow and up the side of her neck. Katara moved quickly, forming a bubble of healing water over her joint. Blood vessels had burst beneath the skin, causing the surface to turn black and ghastly looking.

Zuko kept his distance during the procedure. He didn't want to see Kai in pain and he'd never been good at comforting people. But when it was over he approached the group with caution.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... thanks, Zuko." Aang said.

Zuko smiled at the avatar. _Smiled._ It was the first time Aang had witnessed anything other than a scowl on the boy's face.

"I want to play my part in ending this war. For the longest time, I thought that I had lost my honor, and that somehow my father could return it to me. I know now that no one can give you honor, it's something you earn for yourself. I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world." He turned his attention to Toph, bowing at her with respect, "I'm sorry for what I did to you, it was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and wild, so as a firebender, I need to be more careful and control my bending, so I don't hurt people unintentionally."

Katara saw the momentarily shocked expression on Aang's face and knew what he was remembering. She still felt the burns on her arms that he'd caused months ago, though there was no proof of the incident lingering on her skin.

"Now that I know you understand how easy it is to hurt the people you love, I'd like for you to teach me fire bending." The two boys bowed, and then Aang continued. "But I still have to ask my friends if it's okay with them."

He turned to Toph first, and she was thrilled at the idea of having someone new to pick up on. Sokka was indifferent to their newest addition, he just wanted to finally end this damned war.

Katara was uncomfortable. She began visibly perspiring and her jaw clenched tight as she looked Zuko up and down. All she saw when she looked at him was the fire bender that killed her mother.

But she reluctantly agreed with Aang, saying that she would go along with whatever he thought was best for the world.

Kai sat on the raised ledge between two towering pillars, relaxing her pulsating arm. The group grew silent with anticipation as Aang turned to her.

"Well... Kai?" Aang asked.

She tried to look up slowly so that no one would know that her heart hadn't stopped racing. Not for a second.

"I think it's best that I don't vote." She said. Both Zuko and Sokka's brows knitted together with confusion. "If I say that I want you to join, it's because of our past. And if I say that I _don't_ want you to join, it's also because of our past. Either way, my vote is biased."

Kai clenched her jaw and choked her real feelings down her throat so that no one would know she was screaming inside. They might think of her as weak if they knew that her skin was on fire all because of some stupid _boy_.

"Well, it's settled then. Welcome to the team." Aang said, and Zuko expected a warmer embrace. He approached the group, but most of them left him hanging, dispersing loosely to resume what had been of their day before it was interrupted earlier, leaving just him and Kai standing meters apart awkwardly, as if they were strangers.

"I can show you to your room." Kai finally offered.

Zuko smiled and nodded in response, then followed her through the ancient corridors. She led him into a mostly bare room, it had a single bed with not so much as a pillow on the mattress.

"Home sweet home... I guess. Unpack if you want. Lunch soon, if I can manage to wrangle up the others." She said purposefully loud enough for any listening ears to overhear.

Zuko hadn't planned out _what_ exactly he was going to say to Kai. Truth be told, he never really expected to make it this far. But when he turned to face her after taking in his bleak and barren surroundings, he knew that he wasn't going to get the chance to say much anyways.

Their eyes caught each other and Kai waved the door shut, it slammed behind her as she marched toward him. He could see glittery tears swimming on the edges of her eyes.

It was only when her palm met his cheek that Zuko realized they were tears of white-hot anger. His face burned after that, but that was okay, because she didn't bother to take a step away from him when she was finished.

"I thought you were dead, you fucking asshole!" Kai hissed, hushed for the same reason she'd raised her voice earlier.

"From what, the drugs you gave me? You could have overdosed a komodo rhino with that amount!" Zuko stepped closer, challenging her with head held high and arms tucked behind his back.

Kai reared back to slap him again, but he caught her wrist midair. It was bruised with his fingerprints from being held on to for so long.

Zuko kissed her. He smashed his lips against hers without ever consciously deciding to do so, but he needed the breath she was holding hostage in her lungs. It belonged to him, he'd breathed it into her when she was close to killing herself with negligence back in the Fire Nation. Hot tears rolled into Kai's mouth and she didn't know whose eyes they'd come from.

That kiss lasted an eternity. It lasted longer than any of her nightmares and the voids of sleeplessness that she thought she'd never wake up from. She didn't want to wake up from this either.

But a clearing of someone's throat interrupted their reunion. Neither Kai nor Zuko had heard the door reopen behind them.

They separated when they saw Katara standing in the metal frame. She had a scowl on her face and murder in her eyes. She approached Zuko without caution.

"You might have everyone else here fooled with your... _transformation_ , but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past." She eyed Kai, daring her to intervene. "So let me tell you something right now. You make one step backward, one slip up, give me _one_ reason to think you might hurt Aang... and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently."

She turned on her heel and walked into the corridor before she could see Zuko gulp or Kai's pupils blow out.

Kai made a single step to follow Katara before Zuko grabbed her by the wrist again. "Don't... she has every right to be angry." He pleaded.

Kai ripped her bruised, weak arm away from him and stalked Katara. The water bender never stopped moving.

"I know you can hear my footsteps, Katara." Kai said as calmly as possible. "This will go much better for you if you don't ignore me."

Katara stopped and finally turned to face her as soon as the footsteps halted. "What? Your boyfriend can't stick up for himse—" She was cut off by Kai's forearm pinning her by the chest against the wall. A clammy, silver blade made itself known against her neck.

She had such flawless skin compared to Zuko and Kai.

"I am so _sick_ of you pretending like you're the only one this war has affected." Kai spat in her face. Her voice was cast down, but Toph must have felt the impact of Katara's body hitting the wall and alerted the others. They stood at the end of the hallway. Kai continued, " _All_ of our lives have been ripped apart, we've _all_ lost people we love. Yet you're the only one who uses it as an excuse to be a bully."

Kai pulled her switchblade back into its sheath to ease the straining veins in Aang's bald head.

"So maybe you and I can come to an understanding. If Zuko fucks up, go ahead. Kill him. Hell, I'll hold him down and let you torture him for days, if that's what you want." Kai continued. "But if you so much as lay a _finger_ on him because of your habit of acting before you think... I'm coming for you. No bending, no weapons, I'm coming for you empty handed just to remind you that I am still the most dangerous thing this fucking war has ever produced."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, guys! I went on vacation but regular updates will now continue. I missed you all dearly. <3


	38. Cloves

Kai sat around the fire by Toph that evening after dinner. It was music night, a weekly tradition that Aang had started after he’d thrown a dance party for the children of the Fire Nation. Some nights it merely consisted of campfire singalongs, others, like tonight, there was an arsenal of instruments involved. 

The fire brought a nice hue to the atmosphere. It crackled and smelled like home to Zuko. To Kai, it just smelled like him. 

She hadn’t joined Zuko back in his bedroom after her confrontation with Katara. She needed time to herself, time to think. Her head was swimming from the unexpected kiss and she didn’t like how nice it felt to strike him across the face. But she couldn’t avoid him now, not with him sitting right across from her. Not with the shadows dancing on his skin in a way that made him look dangerously handsome. 

Kai got up. She whispered something to Toph that no one else could hear and nodded at Zuko, motioning for him to follow her. 

She led him through winding hallways, down corridors that never seemed to end. The Western Air Temple was much larger than it looked, Zuko learned. It was when they were walking across a giant Pai Sho board that he finally caught up with her enough to grab her by the wrist. She turned sharply to face him and, as if on cue, all human languages left the confines of his brain. 

Kai stared at him through the grey moonlight, waiting for him to speak, as if he’d been the one leading  _ her _ on a wild goose chase. 

“I-I’m… sorry.” Zuko stammered. 

“For?” Kai asked. And though there were a dozen things he could have been apologizing for, Zuko chose the most recent. 

“Kissing you.” He said. “I don’t know why I did that, but I’m sorry.”

She hummed and it confused Zuko. He’d half expected her to apologize for slapping him, though she didn’t need to, but nothing of that sort happened. 

Kai glanced around the board game. No white lotus tile in sight. No blooming flower formation made from the pieces. But she still had friends here. Solace and hope were still readily available to her.

“I stabbed your sister.” She said abruptly, and her short but sweet tone nearly startled the boy.

“What?” He asked. Then realized what she said, and it was hard not to smile over the confession. 

Kai’s pearlescent canines peaked out from behind her grin in the first glimpse of what Zuko recognized as the  _ real  _ her. “Non-fatal, don’t worry.” She added.

“I’m sure she’ll milk it back at the palace. But congratulations, you officially have a target on your head.”

“A small price to pay.”

Zuko’s shoulders relaxed, they slouched into the stance they always did when he allowed himself to finally get comfortable. He sat in the middle of the game board hoping that Kai would take the spot in front of him.

She did. She folded her legs and covered them with her dress. Zuko fished around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a hand rolled cigarette. He offered it to her and she took it. Their fingers popped loudly with static electricity when they touched. It scared Zuko, but Kai pretended not to notice. She stuck the paper between her lips and waited for a light, which came from the tip of his finger. 

She sucked down deep and slow, the taste of winter filled her lungs — cloves. They made her tongue and lips numb. Nicotine flushed through her veins, making her head feel swimmy and her body nice and tingly.

“How’d it go with your dad?” Kai asked without looking him in the eyes. Her chest stung as she recalled the feeling of a grueling battle pursuing close by.

Zuko shrugged, “Better than either of us expected, I think.” He took the cigarette back and copied her inhalations. The brief smile on Kai’s face had fallen. Zuko could see that something was weighing heavy on her mind. 

“I tried to go back for you, I swear.” She said with a cracked voice, touching the ground so she could feel in his heartbeat whether or not he believed her. “I wasn’t gonna make you fight alone. Everything just got so bad so fast and—”

He stuck the cigarette back in her mouth, “Calm down. Smoke. You’re trembling.” She inhaled again and closed her eyes, her head pounded from an onset migraine. “I had to face my dad alone, Kai. It’s better that you didn’t come back, he would’ve just used you against me. And if he’d hurt you…”

Kai felt Zuko’s sigh more than she heard it.

“I would have killed him.”

Zuko’s heart ricocheted inside his chest because he knew that he was telling the truth. For the very first time, he was telling the complete truth about how much he cared for this girl. If anyone brought harm to Kai in his presence, Zuko wouldn’t think twice about ending their life. 

They passed the cigarette back and forth a few times before Zuko pinched it out. It was making him jittery. He stuffed it in his pocket and then grabbed her hand, analyzing the wound that would forever stretch across her palm. It’d been cut open again, he saw. The scar had been sliced open and healed over time and time again, leaving it thicker and uglier every time. He ran his thumb over it and got lost in the beauty of her rough details.

“You took part of me with you when you left.” He spoke absentmindedly, letting whatever words that came to mind flow freely into the universe, “Or maybe I handed it to you back in Ba Sing Se — hell, maybe even in that hot spring.”

Kai silently took note of the far off footsteps and where they were headed. Everyone was dispersing from the commons area, heading off to bed for the night.

“What I’m saying is, I haven’t felt like myself without you. I fucked up, I do that a lot. And I know that we can’t pick up where we left off, but —“ He closed his hand around hers, “I’d like to start over. No secrets, no lies this time.”

“No girlfriends?” Kai asked, eyebrow cocked as she was slightly teasing but also curious.

Zuko sucked in a deep breath. “I won’t apologize about Mai. We were kids when I left home. She and I weren’t together while I was searching for the avatar… and we aren’t together now.”

It still stung to think about Mai. Zuko hated himself for the way he’d left her this time around — a pathetic Dear John letter because he was too ashamed to admit that he’d betrayed her trust. 

“What about that guy back in the commons?” Zuko asked, and there was no malice in his voice. He just needed to know where she stood.

Still, Kai’s arms grew goosebumps. The hair at the nape of her neck stood stiff as her mind wandered to what Zuko could possibly know.

“What are you talking about?” She asked.

“He likes you. I’m not the best at reading people but even I could tell.”

Kai chewed on her lip. She hadn’t wanted him to know about her and Sokka, it could only bring unwanted tension to the group. But Zuko was right, if they wanted to start fresh, it had to be on honest terms. No lies. No secrets.

“It gets lonely out here. You know that.”

Zuko only nodded.

“I won’t lie and say that I don’t care about him. We’ve been through a lot together, things just happened naturally.”

He seemed slightly put off by her statement and Kai didn’t understand why. The silver light that washed over his face made his features look harsher than they really were, and for a moment she thought he was  _ mad _ at her.

“Naturally?” Zuko asked, drawing up the inflection in his voice. “You only just left the palace a few weeks ago.”

“We’ve been traveling together since the spring, Zuko.”

He began scanning through memories of all the times he’d come face to face with the avatar and his gang. He’d most definitely  _ never  _ seen that boy before — the one with the goatee and headband.

“I have never seen that guy before in my life, Kai. Are you crazy?”

“You literally hunted him for  _ months _ !”

They squabbled over the topic for a handful of moments, both playfully and with immense confusion on where their dots were not connecting with each other’s thread.

“Kai, I’m telling you, I have never seen that guy  _ or  _ his stupid mustache! I think I would recognize someone that I’d been trying to capture!”

“Mustache?” Finally, they connected. There was only one person she knew with a single bit of facial hair that slept in this temple with them. “Wait, are you talking about Haru!?” She laughed loudly and it echoed against the barren walls of the room. 

“I don’t know his name! Wait, who were  _ you  _ talking about?”

Even as she admitted to her affair, Kai couldn’t control her laughter. “Sokka!” But she was silenced instantly as the door to the room pushed open, creaked, and then banged against the back wall. 

The last person that either of them wanted to see stood in the doorway. Sokka, with his sleepy eyes and fingers that’d been strummed raw thanks to music night. Zuko glared at him with a mixture of jealousy and hatred. 

“We were getting worried about you two. Toph sent me to let you guys know that we’re all headed to bed.” 

Not an ounce of ill intent lingered in Sokka’s voice. He hadn’t come snooping, wouldn’t dream of tarnishing their hopes of mending their broken hearts. Mostly, he just wanted Zuko to feel included.

“Thanks, we’ll start that way in a few minutes.” Kai said. She wanted him to leave before Zuko made his next stupid choice and started a scene that would get him rejected again, or worse, would have him going toe to toe with Katara.

Sokka closed the door behind him and left the air feeling muggy. Kai didn’t want to look at Zuko. She didn’t want to see that he’d changed his mind and decided that he didn’t want to try again after all. 

After an excruciating amount of time, Zuko finally spoke. “... How am I supposed to compete with him?” 

He sounded so small that Kai thought he may shrink up and disappear. He’d long let go of her hand, but she wished that he’d take it again. She wished that she could feel whatever it was he was feeling so she could banish those anxieties from his mind. 

“There’s no competition, Zuko. And I’m no prize.” She said.

Silence settled between the two of them and Zuko eventually stood to his feet. He held out his hand to help Kai up, but she remained in her seat on the ground. 

She looked up at him like a scolded child — and that’s exactly how she felt — eyes big and bottom lip swollen from being chewed on. Zuko supposed that he couldn’t blame Sokka for falling in love with the girl. After all, it’d happened to him before he even realized it. 

“You seem angry.” She said. 

“I’m not.” He assured her. “I guess I still just have a hard time believing that you could love me after everything I’ve put you through.”

Kai’s eyes somehow got bigger as she asked, rather loudly, “Love??” She gripped his hand and pulled herself to her feet. The heaviness in the room melted away as she sprang up. “That’s a big word, my dear.”

Zuko mimicked her mischievous smile. He wrangled her into his loose grip, tossing his arm over her shoulder as he guided her out of the Pai Sho room. “You’re the one who said it — in your goodbye letter, after you  _ drugged me _ . Ring any bells?”

Oh, she remembered, all right. It’d taken Kai far too long to decide what to scribble on his mirror in iodine. She wanted to make sure Zuko knew she was mad at him, but that she still cared about him, too.

He kept his arm over her shoulders as they walked back through the maze of corridors and rooms. Kai snaked hers behind his back. She’d missed his warmth and the way it complimented her icy bones.

Zuko stopped in front of his own door. He knew that behind Kai’s, her roommate slept peacefully.

He didn’t want to say goodbye to her, even if it was only for a few hours while they dreamed of each other.

“Is it true — what you wrote?” Zuko asked nervously and quoted her final line. “ _ All of my love.” _

Kai smiled. Drowsiness showed through on her features. She grabbed his hand and inspected the healed scar on his palm just as he had, the one she’d hand stitched herself, the one that matched her own.

“I’ve loved nearly every person that I’ve ever met. Even you.” She kissed that scar. “Especially you.”

Blush creeped up Zuko’s neck. He felt his internal fire blazing hotter than ever. Kai dropped his hand and started back toward her room.

“You could.. come in.” Zuko said under his breath. He was desperate to spend every last second with this girl. “I’ll probably be up for a while. We could just.. I don’t know, catch up.”

Kai smiled. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m exhausted.”

She continued away from him but he pleaded further, “You can just take up space in my bed then.” He said and stepped toward her.

Kai grabbed the knob of her bedroom door and twisted, pushing it open quietly.

“Goodnight, Zuko.”

She shut the door behind her, knowing that there would be plenty of nights which wouldn’t end like this one — with Zuko alone in a hallway, his back pressed against the wall, aching for her company; and Kai lying adjacent to Toph, her heart fluttering and mind staticky from being so painfully in love. 

* * *

  
Kai fell asleep on her back that night, something that she hadn’t done since she was a child as it brought her terrible bouts of sleep paralysis.

Her mind awoke in the middle of the night long before her body could do the same. A shouting in her ear, that’s what had startled her. Short and quick but deafeningly loud. She recognized the fit instantly. 

This one wasn’t like the rest though. There was no tall, lanky figure lurking in the shadows of the room. No weight on her chest that mimicked someone holding her down. She breathed slowly, hoping the sensation would pass without incident. 

And then she started to sweat. 

Kai’s face began to tingle like she’d been sitting out in the late summer sun for hours on end and was suffering from a terrible burn. The heat radiated down her neck, over her chest. It swallowed up her torso all the way down to her toes. It got worse as the seconds passed, and those seconds felt like hours as her skin began to boil.

The sensation of blisters forming and bursting rapidly on every surface of her skin emerged and Kai wanted to scream, but she couldn’t even open her mouth. She tried to cover herself but her body was stiff with fear. 

She was melting — burning at the stake like a witch. Her lungs were filled with smoke and since she couldn’t cough, they began to collapse inside of her. She knew that she was crying but her tears evaporated instantly. 

“This is the fate you’ve chosen.” A whisper in the wind told her. It blew through the room, wafting out whatever hallucinatory fire had engulfed her.

Kai kicked the sheet off of her legs and inspected her body.

She was free again. Full control came back to her as if it’d never been gone. She was covered in sweat but when she touched her knee — ice cold. A deep breath of mountain air filled her lungs, they hadn’t collapsed at all. 

Her mind was still too hazy to count the days until Sozin’s Comet would arrive, but when she fell back asleep, she dreamed of it.

She dreamed that she was at the highest peak of the tallest mountain, staring at the blazing ball of fire as it passed by. The power and destruction that it possessed was astounding. Kai stooped to her knees as if worshipping it, eyes wide with awe. 

The orange flames reflected off of her sweat as she began to melt from the inside. She didn’t feel the pain this time.

Kai simply faded to black, snuffed out by a fire much hotter than her own, without ever earning her place in the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter before we start the beginning of the end (:  
> Thanks for sticking with me, guys. I know that this story has been a whirlwind and I honestly had no idea that it would be where it is now when I started it. I appreciate you all so much. 💛


	39. Tell The Wolves I'm Home

Zuko was tossing his overnight bag onto Appa’s back when he received company.

“Running off again already?” Kai asked from across the commons. “And stealing our bison, too. I didn’t take you for a thief.”

He hung onto the side of Appa’s saddle, watching her sway toward him. She moved like a pendulum, hypnotizing Zuko in such a way that it was impossible for him to divert his gaze.

“I’ve lost my stuff. My fire bending is gone. Aang and I are traveling to the ruins of the ancient sun warriors to see if we can find a new source of energy for my bending.”

Kai nodded and stopped in front of him.

Something was wrong. Zuko could tell by the way she pursed her lips and simply “Hm”ed in response to him.

“You’re upset.” He stated plainly.

“I’m bored out of my freaking mind, Zuko.” He joined her on the ground. “This is the first time in _years_ that I haven’t been preoccupied. I’m not fighting anyone, not running from something — hell, I can’t even _really_ train without running the risk of shaking this place off the side of the mountain. I’m getting cabin fever.”

The two of them weren’t alone in the open air room. Katara was serving hot stew to the other members of their gang and Toph overheard the conversation from close by. She rejected Katara’s offering, jumping at the chance to get out of this glorified safe house.

“This place is HELL for an earth bender!” Toph shouted. She leaped into Appa’s saddle and hijacked the boys’ bags, tossing them back onto the ground below. “Me and Kai wanna go on an adventure, too!”

Zuko dodged the overstuffed luggage and glared up at the girl, “We aren’t going on an “adventure”, we’re going to master fire bending.”

“Yeah, well, tough toenails! Either we go too or _nobody_ goes!”

Zuko really was no match for Toph, not when he might as well be a non-bender. He looked at Kai, pleading silently for back up, but she just shrugged.

“You and I can go on our own adventure, Toph. Let the boys have their fun, we can make a girls weekend out of it.” Kai told her friend. “Aang, we’re confiscating Appa for a few days. You two can hop on an air current, I can’t bend the ocean floor at the speed I plan on going without running the risk of causing an earthquake.”

“Fine by me.” Aang got his staph ready and stuffed his pockets full of enough vegetables to last the weekend, plus a few strips of jerky for Zuko. “Not to be nosy, but where are you going anyways?”

Kai had been simmering on this trip since the failure of their first operation occurred. 

During the eclipse, they had dozens of warriors on their side, yet it still wasn’t enough. Now, who did they have? A couple of kids and a handful of teenagers. They didn’t have Hakoda or Bato anymore, all of their experienced adults had been captured. 

Kai had doubts about if they’d be enough to take down the Fire lord at his most powerful.

“I need to go back to the divide.” She admitted reluctantly. Her chest hurt at the thought of returning to that place. “My father wouldn’t have given up his troops willingly. I’d bet money that they’re still hidden inside the caverns there, and if they are, we could use them on the day of the eclipse.”

Aang seemed jarred at her admission. He took a step back, a sheen of concern coming over his eyes. He may not have ever known his own parents, but he’d seen plenty of terrible ones — like Toph and Zuko’s — and he would almost put General Fong at the top of that list.

“You really want to see your dad again?” Aang asked.

She didn’t. Lord, she didn’t want to ever set eyes on that man for the remainder of her days. 

But there was war in her blood. It’d been carefully planned during her breeding. A knack for strategy and precise planning had been knitted into her DNA, all handed to her on a silver platter, thanks to her father. She knew that this battle couldn’t be ended alone, and no one wanted it to be over more than General Fong.

“He has resources. That’s all.” Kai said, holding back the uneasiness she felt in her stomach.

Aang nodded at her.

She’d be his second in command for this final mission. It was unspoken but known between the two of them. 

* * *

  
Toph was fast asleep when they finally reached the massive canyons. Kai hadn’t been here during the daylight in so long that she almost allowed Appa to fly right over it.

“Rise and shine, Toffee!” She shouted toward the back of the saddle, and Toph rolled onto her side before propping herself up.

“It’s about time, we’ve been flying forever.” Toph said.

She’d been right back in the temple, one full day is what it’d taken them to make it to the divide. Kai had been in charge of steering for all of it and she would have benefitted from a quick power nap before they made their descent underground, Appa could’ve used one a long time ago.

But they were being waited on.

Kai steered the bison to the top of the canyon and before them stood an army of crawlers. She wasn’t sure how they knew she’d be coming, perhaps it was her scent, but there they were. They chittered restlessly amongst themselves as Kai hopped to the ground. She stroked their leader by the cheek, the one at the head of their pack, and he leaned into her touch.

It dawned on Kai that maybe they weren’t waiting on her at all.

“He’s not coming back, my love.” She said to the beasts, and it was as if they could understand her.

Every last one of them lay down on their bellies, taking a knee for their fallen brother, Nero, in their own special way.

Toph respectfully kept her distance while Kai had her moment with them all. Besides, she was still a bit cautious of canyon crawlers. They weren’t anything like the blind badgermoles she’d grown up with.

“We’ll avenge his death, I promise.” Kai kneeled and kissed the alpha between his many nostrils. “Now, go tell the wolves I’m home.”

He was off, tunneling frantically into the earth as if it were the end of the world and he planned to survive the chaos. Kai and Toph crawled on their hands and knees behind him, but they had no chance of keeping up, he was simply carving their path. 

Their shins and palms were bloody by the time they made it to the cavern where the tents stood in rows. There was an everlasting feeling of night this far down, how the men didn’t go mad in this sort of solitude was a mystery. When Kai finally stood to her feet, pausing to dust herself off, she saw that the alpha crawler was much more viscous than her sweet Nero had been. He had General Fong and most of his men cornered against the dark wall of the cave, teeth snarling and jaw chomping, just waiting for one of them to fall out of line.

Kai whistled a shrill tune and he came running back to her feet, she held out her hands for him to lick clean of blood. That was his reward for being so well behaved.

“Go. Be with the others.” She told the alpha. “Mourn your loss.” 

He skittered past Toph and back into the hole from which he came. They wouldn’t see him again on their way out. 

General Fong approached his daughter with caution, fear painted on his face and glowing orange thanks to the many campfires lit around the tents. His men slowly fell into formation behind him, they were still in their uniforms. Perhaps they didn’t even know what was going on in the outside world. They’d been down here for so long, they lived as hermits now. 

One by one, their stiff hands met their foreheads in what was a formal salute.

A dignified salute.

Kai’s father may have been their leader, but she was their commander. She was _his_ commander, and he saluted her just the same. 

“At ease.” She said, her words soft but bearing so much leadership. 

The soldiers relaxed and went about their prior activities, some of them making dinner, others boiling water so that it was drinkable, but most of them just training. General Fong’s strenuous schedule hadn’t lessened regardless of the fact that they weren’t actively involved in the war above.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from my daughter?” Fong asked with a genuine smile on his face.

Kai hated that smile. There was once a time when she’d dreamed of seeing her father with anything but a scowl on his face and curse words flowing like vomit out of his mouth, but now his grin made her furious. She wanted to berate him on how he’d severed their biological tie many years ago, long before she was ever banished — but now wasn’t the time.

“Dad, this is Toph Beifong. I’m sure you remember her.”

To Toph, the General hadn’t changed one bit since she’d last seen him. She’d been so young then, when he’d drag Kai up to her parents’ estate on the hill. He did seem smaller now though, now that he didn’t have the upper hand.

“Of course. I hear your parents are missing you greatly, dear.” He said to Toph, and she bit her tongue.

“Maybe we should speak over dinner. We’ve traveled a long way in a very short amount of time to get here.”

He nodded and shouted at the handful of men that were preparing food to set two extra plates at the table right beside him.

_That_ was the man she knew, yelling — always yelling. 

Dinner was some sort of seared meat, the girls didn’t ask what, and a helping of flavorless vegetables. They were undercooked but somehow burnt to a crisp and lacking any love that Katara would have prepared them with. 

The scene surrounding Kai haunted her. Men on both sides of a long stone table, cups made of precious metals filled to the brim with spirits, loud, bustling conversation engulfing her. It was just as her last night at base camp had been, and she felt like a child again. The nape of her neck began to itch where her father had once grabbed her by the hair so forcefully that she heard it rip. 

“Eat.” Toph whispered from her right. She could feel the tension in Kai’s body.

Kai picked at the vegetables but avoided the protein completely. She couldn’t bear the thought that it may have come from the body of a canyon crawler.

The soldiers scarfed down their meals quickly but it didn’t satisfy their hunger for ruckus. General Fong tried to speak to his daughter over the booming voice of two dozen men.

“What was it that you traveled so far for, Commander?” He said, and the title made Kai wince.

“Please, don’t call me —“

“Well, that’s what you are, dear.” He continued. “You’re the only one capable of ending this war, I presume that’s what your visit is regarding, so get on with it.”

The voices that echoed off the walls of the cavern seemed to implode every time she spoke, making it impossible for Kai to hear her own voice. Each time she started, “I came to ask —“ she’d be cut off. 

“We need your hel—“ again, someone would bang their meaty fist against the stone.

“I was hoping that—“ a glass shattered.

Kai’s skin warmed to a boil and her neck flushed red with anger. Toph was just reaching out to comfort her when she snapped.

“Will you all _shut the FUCK up_!” Her voice rattled the canyon, sediment fell down on their heads and landed in the chalices of wine that had the men growing more rowdy by the minute.

But they quieted. Their lips sealed shut in an instant and they sat at attention in their seats.

Finally, these men respected her. After years of devouring her with their eyes in villages and even longer pretending that she didn’t exist at base, they finally feared her. 

“Well, looks like you’ve got their attention.” Toph said after a long period of eerie silence.

Kai turned to her father, no longer living in the memory of the last time she’d sat at his dinner table. She wanted to get this over with and drag herself as far away from these men as possible.

“We’re ending this war. Soon. There’s an eclipse coming on the last day of summer, that’s when it’ll happen.” She said.

General Fong nodded, a proud smile painted on his face. “The Fire Lord will be at his strongest then, but I know that you are even stronger at your weakest.”

She shook her head. “This isn’t my war, the avatar will be the one fighting him. But we’ll need troops for damage control.” 

The men listened to her speak with intent, their hands folded on the table to show that they were fully involved. Kai was leading her first war meeting. She looked at each and every face surrounding her, some of them still had baby fat hanging off of their cheeks.

What fools, willing to die for a world that saw them as disposable.

Others she’d watched grow older as they watched her grow up. For those men, Kai’s heart ached. They could’ve been a family to her if only one had spoken out against the horrors that her father put her through.

“I don’t know what Aang plans to do to Fire Lord Ozai, but if we gain control, the troops in the colonies won’t willingly give up power. Their loyalty remains with the Fire Nation, we’ll need troops on our side to keep them in line during the shift of control.”

“Where do you need them stationed?” Her father asked. “I have enough men for two troops.”

“Probably Omashu and Ba Sing Se, they have the largest populations but the citizens are already so institutionalized that the Fire Nation likely won’t keep many soldiers posted there.”

Kai didn’t have close to any specifics about the plan yet, mostly because there _wasn’t_ a plan. She told him where they were hiding out until it was time for them to move, and he said that he’d capture a courier owl and send it for her a few days beforehand.

Her father gave her the unwavering support that she’d always dreamed of having, but now that it sat in the palm of her hand, it held such little weight.

The men washed their plates and those of the two visitors, they were expected to pick up after themselves here to keep the canyon crawlers at bay. Kai, Toph, and General Fong sat at the table for longer than the rest, chatting about their travels and what had led the troops here in the first place. But Kai wanted to leave and Toph wanted to stay for the night and in the end, the elder would have none of it. He said that his daughter’s eyes looked dark and heavy, she would slip off the edge of Appa’s harness if she didn’t get some rest.

So he told the girls to take his tent, the one all the way in the back, where every other stone tent met in a V formation. He said that he’d sleep by a fire or bunk with his second in command. General Fong escorted them there himself, eyeing his soldiers along the way so they knew that he would be on patrol until morning, keeping track of where they happened to wander off to durning the nighttime hours.

“I’ve been meaning to ask.. how’s the banished prince?” Fong asked as Kai pulled the curtain to his tent aside. 

Her head snapped over her shoulder, jaw clenched tight so she wouldn’t bite her tongue if he struck her.

Old habits die hard. 

“Word travels fast.” She said quietly.

Her father didn’t seem surprised, he wasn’t red with anger like she’d anticipated. 

“You can’t escape the divine plan, Kai. Everything we do, it’s all preconceived, there’s no use in fighting it.”

Everything that she’d been preoccupying herself with for the past three years, Kai always believed that she’d been giving both the universe and her father a big, fat middle finger. Really, it’d just been her father. Things may not have gone according to _his_ plan, but she was still right on schedule to fulfil her “destiny” the way fate had intended.

“You truly believe that?” Kai asked with sincerity, and she could see without him speaking that he did.

Worry had been lingering in the back of her mind about how this would all end. That darkness was still inside of her, sleeping with one eye open, waiting for a crack to form in the back door of her mind. And it still had its own plans for her.

“How does it end, dad? When the dust and this is all finally over… am I still here?” She asked. “The fates told you, I know they have.”

He looked at her with sadness dripping off of his face in the form of sweat. Kai had never seen her father cry, but she thought that now might have been the first.

“The two of you will be gone before my men and I rise in the morning, I presume.” He said, and she nodded. 

“Very well…” General Fong took a step away. “This will be our last meeting then.”

A heaviness fell over Kai, a drop in her stomach like when you jump off the edge of a cliff. 

This _would_ be their last meeting. Ever. 

Her bottom lip quivered and she nodded, General Fong didn’t need to explain himself further. After the Fire Lord’s reign came to an end, her mission was complete — her destiny fulfilled. There was nothing further lying in wait for her.

She closed the curtain behind her and crawled into bed beside Toph, turning away from the girl so she wouldn’t feel the fear and sadness seeping out of her pores.

* * *

  
“Commander Kai, wait!”

Kai heard the voice shout from the tunnel she and Toph had just crawled out of. It was early, the sun barely peaked over the horizon. They’d snuck out of the underground camp, standing on the tips of their toes so that no one would feel them leaving. They didn’t want to say goodbye to these men, they’d already accomplished what they’d come for.

“Just ‘Kai’. You can just call me Kai.” She said as three of her father’s soldiers approached her.

They were all still in their sleep clothes, underwear and a white tunics, one of them held a hefty looking box in his hands.

“We prefer your official title, commander.” He placed the box in her arms and Kai had been right, it weighed a ton. 

“What’s this?” She asked.

“It’s a care package.” The men smiled. “Our families find ways to sneak out of their villages to deliver them to us. They keep us grounded, remind us why we joined the war effort in the first place. We thought that maybe they could do the same for you guys.”

Kai jiggled the box, she could feel dozens of items swaying around inside of it; snacks and puzzles and stationary, and a big jug filled with some sort of liquid. She looked up at the men, they were only a few years older than herself. Their faces were fresh and free of the frown lines that her father seemed to have been born with. The glimmer of hope that war too often seemed to dull still shined in their bright eyes.

These men would likely die in battle. They’d die all alone, far away from their loved ones, their bodies never recovered.

“You’re all so willing to sacrifice yourselves for a kingdom that sees you as dispensable… why?” Kai asked. 

The man in the middle shrugged. “Even if that’s how they see us, it isn’t how we see them.”

With that, the three soldiers departed back into the canyon. The girls climbed onto Appa’s saddle and once Kai had him back on track to the Western Air Temple, she sat across from Toph with the box between them.

“What do you think is in it?” Toph asked, but there was only one way to find out.

The girls tore open the box and submerged themselves in it’s riches. There was dried meats and a water sack, a brush and ink with scraps of parchment. Some of the men had thrown in letters from their families. They weren’t written for Kai or Toph, but they’d made the soldiers feel loved, and they made the girls feel secondhand adoration.

Kai’s hands grasped something wide and glass, she could feel the liquid sloshing around inside of it. 

A bottle of snake wine, her old friend. Kai popped the cork and it’s strong aroma wafted up into her nostrils, stinging her sinuses. It’d been aging for years. She figured she deserved a drink, given that it may be her last. 

She chugged the liquid down her throat and it spilled out the corners of her mouth, running over her chin.

“Can I have some?” Toph asked, and Kai pulled the jug closer to her chest, away from the girl.

Her first instinct was to say no, absolutely not. Toph wasn’t only a child and she wasn’t old enough to feel dependent on spirits to take her worries away.

But Toph _wasn’t_ a child anymore… She was almost fourteen years old, the same age Kai had been when she’d had her first drink and when she’d been thrust into adulthood. Toph had grown up behind closed doors, without Kai even watching, in the blink of an eye.

In fact, Kai’s whole life had gone by in the blink of an eye. In another blink, it would be over.

She sighed and slid the jug to Toph. “Take it slow, it tastes like shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I meant to add this before I published this chapter but I forgot.  
> I know y’all are probably sick as hell of fucking dream sequences, but you’re getting one more and I’m making up for it w smut. Forgive me.


	40. Roots In The Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all are probably v tired of dream sequences but I needed to add just one more, so enjoy a smut chapter in return for putting up with my shit.

A flash of metal blazed past Kai’s face, cutting off the ends of a few stray hairs and blinding her as the moon reflected off of it.

“Watch it! You almost got me, dummy!” She slurred. Her words came out slow and lacked any malice entirely. 

“Watch what?! I’m sword fighting _BLIND_!” Toph grasped wildly at the air until Kai’s blade returned to her hand. 

Playing pirates had been Kai’s idea. With half a handle of snake wine sitting on their empty stomachs, Kai was as carefree as she wanted to be all the time and the fact that Toph was hundreds of feet off the ground couldn’t stop her from believing in herself. Appa was flying on pure memory, as the girls had wasted almost the entire day drinking and napping and speculating on what would happen after Kai was free from her mortal restraints. 

“You can’t kill me anyways!” Kai swung her blade through the air haphazardly, laughing like a maniac and striking Toph in the shin with the dull side so as to not seriously injure her. “I’ve got exactly two and a half weeks until my date with death, and I think I’d like to know how it feels to get stabbed by then.”

Kai dropped her sword onto the floor of the saddle and held out her arms. She hopped around a few times so that Toph could catch a quick, albeit blurry, map of her body. “No major organs though!”

Toph had always wanted to stab someone, especially ever since she’d witnessed Kai stab Azula back in the volcano. The fact that Kai was so willing took some of the fun out of it, but beggars can’t be choosers. 

She pretended to concentrate, as if she could see where she was going anyways (her spinning, intoxicated mind convinced her that she needed to at least _act_ like she knew what the hell she was doing). She held the sword up using mostly her metal bending abilities and just as her heels lifted off of the ground —

Appa landed on the first solid surface he’d seen all day, jarring both of the girls off of their wobbly feet and into the railing of his saddle.

“Hey! What gives?! I was just about to do my first stabbing!” Toph yelled.

Kai pulled herself up and peered over the edge, they were back at the temple. Appa had landed at the end of the commons and just a few feet from him sat the rest of the gang, huddled around the fire post-dinner and very confused as to why both of the girls were on the floor of the saddle. 

“Oh, hello.” Kai greeted them with a drunken smile and glazed over irises. “Get up, Blind Bandit, we’re home.”

She collected her swords, strapping them back on her shoulders, and held the jug of alcohol dear to her heart. It was only by chance that the bottle didn’t shatter when she hopped down and lost her footing, slamming her knee against the hard concrete beneath her. 

Zuko knew there was no use in running to her rescue. He remembered how long it’d taken for her to let him help her back at the palace, and she was much more drunk now than she had been then. He simply walked, stopped in front of her, and helped her up. 

“Want some sssssnake venom?” Kai asked.

Zuko smiled over how silly she became when she was out of her mind. “I think you’ve had enough for the both of us.”

She leaned in close to his chest and pouted the best she could, grumbling something about Zuko being “no fun”, but the overwhelming aroma of spirits that melted off of her breath overshadowed her words. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hers draped behind his back as she snuggled up to him.

“Missed you.” She mumbled. Zuko understood her clearly that time and his heart thumped wildly in response.

He heard Kai scoff, she could feel the erratic pounding. 

“Took you long enough. Aang and I have been back since this morning.”

Kai kissed his chin, completely neglecting the fact that they were surrounded by the others. “It’s okay to admit that you missed me too, y’know.”

Every nerve in Zuko’s body was set ablaze, he was sure that the only thing stopping him from bursting into flames was the icy stare Sokka shot him from across the room. 

“Come on, you need sleep. You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning.” He wrangled her away from the edge of the cliff, where she was bound to stumble off accidentally, and steered her toward the hallway that led to the housing area.

“Wait, what are we supposed to do with Toph?!” Aang shouted, and his voice already sounded a million miles away to Kai. In her inebriated mind, she was nowhere near this temple, she was back in Palace City or Ba Sing Se or that hot spring in the middle of the forest. She was at all of the places that she’d stopped along the path to falling so deeply in love with Zuko.

“Put her to bed and roll her on her side so she doesn’t choke on her own vomit!” Zuko shouted back.

After that, the others were both out of sight and out of mind. Sokka watched with loneliness ripping at his chest after the pair disappeared into the privacy that nighttime provided.

* * *

Kai let the heavy steel door slam behind her and she was swallowed up by total darkness, save the moonlight that she was learning to appreciate all over again.

“Did you get your fire bending back?” She asked.

Twin flames shot from Zuko’s fingertips, igniting the lanterns that sat in either corner of his room. There was nothing there besides an old bed and the small bag he’d packed before running away, and to Kai, it felt like they were back at their roots.

He pulled off his shirt to get ready for bed, his lean muscles and pale skin seeming sharper in the darkness. Zuko hadn’t been so thin when she’d first seen him undressed, back at the hot spring. The Royal life had caused him to lose muscle mass, but she was thinner too from weeks of self loathing and malnutrition. 

Zuko tossed his tunic to Kai and she began changing into it for the night, giving him the chance to catch a glance at the flesh on her back. Her skin hugged her ribs and spine like a thick blanket, just close enough that she didn’t look ghastly but still not healthy either.

He touched the stone sized mark on her shoulder, the same one that’d sent an electric shock through her body many moons ago, before she knew his name. It had the same effect now. Energy jolted through Kai and she could feel the new found source of fire inside him.

“You didn’t scar.” He said. The wounds that he’d nursed against her will were barely visible, they were nothing compared to her other marks. 

Kai dropped the bottom of his shirt and it covered her completely, falling past her waistline, giving the appearance that she was wearing a very skimpy dress instead of an oversized tunic. She turned in his grasp, eyes glimmering with liveliness that one only has when they’ve managed to forget about all the terrors this world holds.

“I had a very skilled, _very_ handsome nurse taking care of me.”

She pressed her body to his and kissed his collar, nuzzling the cold tip of her nose into his neck for warmth. Zuko felt her lips against his skin and his heart lurched. He lifted his hand and held her chin between his thumb and forefinger and it felt as if the universe was pulling them together. 

When Kai kissed him, the world stopped revolving. It always did when he was wrapped up in all that was _her._ It’d scared him back then, back when he didn’t know who he was or where he was supposed to be — but now he realized that being with her made him feel like he’d just come home from war after being gone for three fucking years, it made him feel how returning to the palace should’ve, but didn’t. She tasted like alcohol and never-ending youthfulness and to Kai, he no longer tasted like a smoky campfire that was threatening to burn out.

No. His rough hand pressed into the center of her back as his tongue swept against hers and she could taste the next sixty years of her life. Years that she would never see, because she wasn’t created to last that long. For the first time, Kai was scared of death. She was scared of leaving her friends without protection and she was scared of missing out on everything that was to come. She tasted a life worth living in Zuko’s kiss, one filled with contentment like she’d never anticipated and a family she didn’t know she craved. 

Kai pressed her palm against the outline of his abs, tracing the small details of his unclothed torso. 

“Stop.” Zuko said. And suddenly, he was missing from her. His hand untangled from the fabric draped over her back and he grabbed her wrist, his lips let go of hers but only pulled away slightly. “You’re drunk, Kai.”

She didn’t fight his rejection. “Okay.” She wasn’t even sure that she’d been propositioning him, really. Kai just needed to feel the solid reality of everything around her while it was still here, while _she_ was still here. 

Zuko stepped away from her and went for his nap sack, the one he’d thrown together in a hurry before heading off to face his father. He fumbled through it for a moment and turned back to her.

“I brought this for you.” He said. In his hands was a book with covers sewn in deep green dyed burlap. The spine was made of wood, all intricately stitched together with golden thread. “I found it by chance and it just… it just reminded me of you.”

Kai took it and it’s weight felt nice in her hands. _Kagome Sato._ That was the author’s name, handwritten in ink on the first page. Right below it was the title, _Roots in the Forest._

“This is a love story.” She said. Nothing in particular had told her such, but she knew.

Zuko shrugged. “Kind of. My mother used to read it to me, I don’t think we ever made it all the way through. But it’s more about this kid, a boy… and a girl that taught him how to live.”

Kai flipped through the pages and, to her dismay, the words were too small and blurry for her to read. She wished now that she hadn’t drank so much and the act of concentrating on the pages made her feel nauseous.

“Will you read it to me?” She asked. 

Zuko’s eyes darted between the book in her hands and her eyes of the same color. He cherished that story, held the memories of Ursa reading it to him dear to his heart. Young Zuko would curl up in bed and lay his head in his mother’s lap, she’d stroke his hair as her velvety voice lulled him to sleep. He understood then that that experience was unique to him, not everyone had had a mother that would calm them when they were scared of the dark — Kai especially. 

Zuko welcomed her into his bed. He sat with his back against the wall and Kai between his legs, as the mattress was truly only made for one person. She lay her head in his lap and he pushed his fingers through her braid, untying the knot that she fastened at the bottom daily. Flames were stolen from the lanterns by Zuko’s waving hand.

He cleared his throat and began.

“At the edge of the world sits a forest with flora that never die and fauna that never perish. It can be found where the chaos of Earth meets the calmness of Heaven. Most only explore it in their dreams, when madness surrounds them and their soul floats away for a moment of solace. But others — ones with no place else to go — wander there idly. The forest welcomes those travelers and they begin to call it their home. 

Except for one dear child, one with hair and eyes as dark as obsidian and a mind that had no memory of ever being anywhere else. She was just as much of the forest as the jackrabbits and fox antelope, and the boy who sometimes visited the forest admired her as such.”

Kai got lost in the darkness and Zuko’s voice and the way his fingers felt against her scalp. Her mind swirled with colors of the galaxy as her eyes got heavy, royal purples and glittery indigo. She drifted away gently, refusing to fight the sleep because the sooner she rested, the sooner she would wake up. 

* * *

Kai knew that she was in a dream the moment it began. It was the same as most of them were, a dark room that never seemed to end. Lights from an invisible ceiling illuminated only what she needed to see, and in this case, it was a table with two chairs. 

The chair closest was already pulled out for her. On the other side sat her darker half, with his burned suit and charred eye sockets. His antlers were smaller now, as if they were a sign of his health or power. He sat calmly with his arms resting on the surface to show that he had nothing to hide, his one hand still missing from his wrist. 

“It’s been a few weeks.” This evil incarnate said, and he didn’t seem as charming now. He didn’t sound as if he was trying to play her as the fool anymore. 

“What do you want?” Kai asked. 

The figure shrugged his shoulders, “You summoned me, my dear. I was stuffed into the depths of your guts, healing, when you called for me.”

She took the seat across from him. The air in the room didn’t feel as heavy as it did the other times, Kai didn’t feel as if she was being threatened or seduced. His presence almost came as a relief and she realized then that she _had_ summoned him. 

“I’m supposed to die.” She said, “You’ve always known that, haven’t you?”

He nodded slowly as if it hurt him to admit such a thing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

As if he owed her such honesty. As if this thing had ever done a charitable deed in the eternity that it’d lived, Kai felt that she deserved answers from him. 

“You were already exposed to such horrors… I didn’t feel it was right to add insult to injury. But I did try to help, in case you don’t remember. I gave you ample opportunity to save yourself and you rejected me.”

Kai slammed her hands against the table and spat, “I didn’t know the alternative!”

The force of her fists echoed off of nonexistent walls. She closed her eyes and sucked in a lung full of air, taking a moment to collect herself so that her fear wouldn’t get the better of her.

“What you offered was to turn me into a monster. You didn’t give me an ‘opportunity’, you threatened both my morality and my loved ones. Can you not see why that isn’t a feasible option to me?”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is _‘mortality’_ , sweet girl.” He said, “You see, individually, you and I have an imaginary hourglass that is quickly running out of sand. You are organic and I am, as you’ve put it, a parasite. When you expire, as do I.” He stood from his seat and Kai tensed up before realizing that his body had shrunk in size, too. He used to tower over her, in their previous meetings, now he was only an inch or two taller than her.

He continued, “Together, there is no time limit on our reign. The universe has no bearing over our fates, as it does now. But I won’t lie, I’m weaker than I was before. I shouldn’t have underestimated your power, not when I’ve watched the wonders of it for so long.”

Kai chewed her lip as he paced slowly around the room. She let him read her, there was no use in masquing the physical signs of her uncertainty, she could smell her own fear — dirt from deep within the earth and the metallic scent of blood.

“How did I do that before? The fire bending. I’ve always been an earth bender.” She asked.

“I’ve simmered on the question since the moment it happened.” He responded, keeping his distance from Kai. She could smell his fear, too, the smell of rot and decay. “You’ve got earth in your bones and fire in your blood. And I was always scared of the fire, as it burned so _hot_ inside of your dear mother. That’s what kept us all under control, but it’s also what turned ‘we’ into ‘me’. If I had to guess, it was a defense mechanism — like the frog that will break its own bones to form claws, or the termite that will commit suicide to avoid being eaten. A last ditch effort.”

He moved beside her, his body leaned over hers and his hand pressed against the table. The room didn’t seem so expansive to Kai now. She could feel the walls closing it, the universe crushing her under the weight of sheer time.

“It doesn’t have to be so dramatic, you know. I’m not powerful enough now anyways to fulfill all that I had planned for us.”

Kai looked up into his hollow eye sockets, searching for any clue that she could trust this creature.

“I don’t want mass destruction. I don’t want a crown made of broken bones or piles of corpses. I just don’t want to miss out on all that life has to offer.” She said, and her voice cracked as terror filled her up to the brim. 

“I can’t promise you the life that you have now, my love. I can’t promise you the prince or the family that you’ve created, but I can promise you existence. You won’t be completely in charge, but you will be present for it. Watching from the sidelines as I humbly navigate your physical body through this world. That’s more than the universe has planned for you, is it not?”

He turned over his palm and his long fingers opened up to her. They were clean of any blood that had long stained Kai’s own skin.

“All you have to do is take my hand.”

Kai tasted blood and tears mixing in her mouth as her fingers inched toward him, her hand paling in comparison. It didn’t matter which path she chose, she wouldn’t be the same in the end. But only losing part of herself seemed a bit more favorable than losing everything entirely.

“I don’t think I’m ready.” Kai said, and her hand fell short of grasping his. “I’m sorry.”

The beast closed his palm gently and straightened out his stance, walking back to the opposite side of the table.

“That’s okay, I understand. Forever is a big commitment.” The table slowly began to dissipate between them, the darkness seemed to get even darker. “When you _are_ ready, I’ll be here.”

He turned on his heel to exit and for just a second, Kai ceased to exist.

* * *

Zuko held Kai’s cheek gently in his hand as her wet eyes fluttered open. His lovely face was the first thing she saw past the bleariness of her tears, brightened from the lanterns that he’d relit. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked, his voice was soft and concerned. “I think you were having a nightmare.”

Kai realized that her hand was wrapped tightly around his when she went to wipe her face. “I was, why didn’t you wake me?” She asked, and Zuko pulled her into a sitting position between his legs, handing her his water jug that’d been resting on the ground beside them.

“I was here. You kept reaching for me so I held your hand. Do you want me to wake you up from now on?”

Zuko kissed her shoulder where his shirt hung off of her skin, she was cold to the touch.

“No, I guess not.” She said after considering the question. 

Zuko pulled the thin sheet over their bodies and slid down on the bed, pulling her form mostly on top of his as he held her. Kai was warmed to the core by the heat emanating off of him. She wouldn’t feel warmth like this after her death. Hell, she didn’t even feel warmth in her dreams or when she slept in her own bed by herself. 

The lanterns were waved out and Kai’s body tensed up, her muscles aching from being strained so often these days. Her mouth opened and she was about to tell Zuko that she couldn’t stand the darkness, that it terrified her to such extents that she _needed_ the light to feel safe.

But he held her hand again. His fingers intertwined with hers and her body molded to fit against him and suddenly she knew that nothing bad would come to her. 

“Thanks for holding my hand, that’s all I needed.” Kai whispered against his side. 

Zuko held her throughout the night. He squeezed her tighter when she tensed in her sleep and instead of stirring her from her nightmares, he guided her through their darkness. He neglected rest for her comfort and he counted the seconds between her breaths until the morning light shined in through the window, when her terrors seemed to end. It was only then that he, too, could dream peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. We've probably got ten chapters left in this story and my heart is slowly breaking the closer we get to the end. I hope you all know how grateful I am for those of you that are still reading.  
> With that being said, I'm already starting on my next story, which will be a Sokka x OC. It won't be posted until after this one is finished, but I wanted some input from those of you that plan on reading that one as well.
> 
> If anyone has an OC name suggestions, I would appreciate them so much as I am completely stumped. (Preferably something that can be shortened down to a nickname)  
> Also, does anyone even really care about character art? Like the one I had commissioned for this story? Personally, I love them. But if it doesn't make a difference to you all, I probably won't have another one done because they are v expensive. 
> 
> Speak to me! I love you all.


	41. It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

“Why exactly did she have to come with us again?” Sokka whispered not so quietly to Zuko in the oversized basket of the war balloon. 

“I can hear you, ponytail.” Kai said, “And I already told you, I want to play with some magma. It’s made of pure minerals so if I can figure out how to bend it, we’ll be at a serious advantage.”

The three of them had set out early in the morning before day break, scribbling a note for the others so that they wouldn’t think anything of their absence. Zuko had beat Sokka to Appa, refusing to let him leave on his own, and Kai had beat them both to the war balloon with the same tactic, except one step ahead.

“There won’t be any _playtime_ , Kai. Boiling Rock is a dangerous place, we get in and then out and we never look back.” Zuko opened the hatch of the tank and blew more fire into it, keeping them afloat.

They sat in silence for quite a while, keeping their distance from one another. Kai’s skin itched as if it were infested with mealworms from the awkwardness of the situation. 

“You know, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons.” Sokka said, trying to fill the thin air between them. “Teo‘s dad. Back when he used to, uh.. build things… for war.”

Zuko stoked the fire again. “I guess the Earth Kingdom is just as good at war as the Fire Nation is. Or at least that’s the case with _our_ fathers.” He said, implying that General Fong would have been just as much of a tyrant as Ozai, given the chance.

Sokka said something about being good at war “running in the family”, and Kai didn’t take offense. He was right, after all. But Zuko’s eyes became downcast, “My uncle wasn’t like that… he was more of a father to me. I think I really let him down…”

His words hit Kai like a sucker punch to the ribs, sharp and painful. Standing up to her father hadn’t been difficult, returning to him hadn’t been, either. But for months following her banishment, Kai couldn’t help but to feel as if she’d let Master Bumi down. He’d put so much work into her, instilled so much wisdom, and it’d all be a waste. _She_ was a waste. 

Kai slumped back into a seated position against the wall of the basket. She knew that Zuko hadn’t disappointed Iroh, he’d told her that himself. But admitting such would force her to consider that perhaps she hadn’t disappointed Bumi either, and she knew that that just wasn’t true.

Night fell against and Kai slept soundly on the floor of the war balloon. Sokka sat across from her, buried in the corner with his eyes cast up at the shimmering sky. Zuko kept a watchful eye over his girlfriend, looking for signs that she was being haunted by forces unfamiliar to him once again. She twitched a few times, but that was all, no whimpering or tears or searching with her hands for comfort like all of the nights since they’d started sharing a bed back at the air temple.

“I think your uncle would be proud of you.” Sokka said quietly, gaining Zuko’s attention. “Leaving your home to come help us? That’s hard.”

Zuko cast more fire into the helm. “It wasn’t all that hard.” He glanced again down at Kai as she shifted in her sleep, wondering if he would’ve made the same decision had she not been a factor in this equation.

“She tried to go back for you, y’know.” Sokka said. “She was ready to risk it all to make sure you made it out alive.”

“I know.”

Zuko didn’t feel the same hot, jealous anger that he had previously toward Sokka. They’d all gotten mixed up, the three of them, and in doing so they’d hurt other people along the way — Mai and probably Suki too, once she found out.

“Thanks, Sokka.” He continued, “I don’t know specifics, I don’t want to know… but thank you for taking care of her. She can be handful.”

Sokka gazed lovingly up at the moon, obscured only partially on this clear night. 

“At least she didn’t turn into the freaking moon like my first girlfriend.”

“That’s rough, buddy.”

It was close to daybreak when Zuko finally saw Boiling Rock in the distance. Sokka had fallen into a comfortable slumber, his body illuminated by Yue’s celestial glow. The two were sleeping so peacefully that Zuko almost felt bad stirring them, but it was now or never.

“Guys, wake up, there it is!” He said, and Sokka bounced to his feet. Kai remained on the ground as steam from the water surrounded them, clearing her senses slowly.

It wasn’t until the balloon started quickly descending upon the volcano that she slowly stood, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to see where their crash site would be. “The air outside is just as hot as the air inside the balloon. We can’t fly.” Kai said.

Sokka braced himself against a post, shouting, “Can’t you _do something_?! Bend us a platform!”

“No way, not this close to a volcano! That’s how you end up with eruptions!” 

Zuko abandoned all hope of forcing more flames into the mouth of the helm. He gripped the edge of the basket, hoisting himself up onto the lip so that his feet wouldn’t get wet. They landed in the scalding hot water and droplets just as molten as the sun splashed into what was now just a canoe. 

The three were ejected from the balloon, landing scattered among the boulders and rocks that surrounded the base of the crater. Sokka bumped his head and earned a nasty burn on his left hand, it took everything in him not to scream.

After the dust settled and Zuko’s vision cleared, his eyes searched the terrain for the other two. He found Kai lying on her back in the rubble, one arm thrown over her face, the other stiff out to her side.

“Hey, you okay?” Zuko said softly as if she were an injured but dangerous animal, leaning down beside her.

Kai grit her teeth through the pain as the tendons in her arm went numb and then lit on fire, “I hit my funny bone really, _really_ hard and I’m trying not to lash out. Give me a second.”

He sat down beside her with one knee tucked against his chest, rolling a pebble around between his fingers. Sometimes Zuko wished he’d been born an earth bender, that things might’ve been easier that way. Earth seemed like a much more useful element anyways. “How are we gonna get off the island if the balloon won’t work?” He asked.

Kai pulled herself up and made a pushing motion with her hand, the one that _wasn’t_ vibrating as if a swarm of bees lived just beneath the skin, and the war balloon was sucked off of the shore by the ground just below the waves. “We’ll figure something out. I suspected it might be a one-way ticket anyway.”

* * *

The trio snuck up the side of the volcano during the quickly receding cover of night. Kai metal bended where she needed to and Zuko sautered back together whatever damage she created. They seeked out a supply room that doubled as the laundry shoot and found guard uniforms that would help them blend in, no one would notice a couple more faceless guards anyway. 

They merged in with a couple of other guards that were running past the closet as they slipped out, without the slightest clue as to what they were running toward. It wasn’t until they got to the prison yard that they saw the dozens of prisoners gathered around in a circle, the tallest of them standing in the center along with an older, rather vicious looking guard.

The guard whipped at the prisoner, who stood unarmed in his basic garments that were equivalent to a burlap potato sack. The prison redirected the flame back together the guard but it was blocked by a fire kick.

The guard clicked his tongue, “Tsk, tsk… fire bending is prohibited. You’re going in the cooler.” He turned, pointing a meaty finger in Kai’s face, “You! Help me take him in.”

Kai rolled her eyes, _of course_ she would be the one chosen. She whispered to Zuko and Sokka, “Meet back here in an hour.” And grabbed the prisoner loosely by the bicep, he didn’t put up a fight, leading him away from the yard.

She and the other guard threw him in what was dubbed “the cooler”, more or less just a giant ice box with reinforced walls to keep it insulated. They set up shop outside of it, keeping watch until the warden arrived.

The other guard, whose name she would never discover, lifted his mask as he got comfortable. “Can you believe that guy?” He said as if he just knew that Kai would have his back.

She peered in through the slit in the door, the prisoner had folded in on himself and was shivering violently. “These prisoners have some nerve thinking they can put one over on us.” Kai responded, playing along. 

She closed the hatch and leaned against the door, pulling her helmet off. The guard eyed her up and down, noticing the long healed scars that decorated her skin and her hair that was much more wild than many other fire nation women.

It was when he looked her in the eyes that Kai noticed him becoming suspicious of her. Fire Nation natives weren’t born with green eyes, _ever,_ they couldn’t be. 

“Say, where’d they pull you in from, anyways?” He asked.

“The colonies. My family has been stationed there since Sozin sat on the throne.” She said.

The man’s troubled conscience seemed to be put at ease. A horny soldier and loose peasant woman could easily explain a mixed-bred child. Though he did look down on her a bit after that, he saw her olive skin as dirty and her long hair as untamed out of laziness.

“Hm.” He went back to mostly ignoring the girl, “You’re a long way from home then.”

Kai felt the clicking of steel toed boots rounding the corner of the hallway, “That’s okay, I’m just a temp.” She pulled her helmet back over her head. 

The warden was a short and devilish looking man that was over twice Kai’s age. He had two bodyguards with him, they were the _real_ muscle. Kai stepped back to avoid being run over by them, it was as if they didn’t even see her. The warden approached the door and pulled it open, revealing a shell of the man that’d stood in the courtyard a half hour earlier. The prisoner was berated for supposedly trying to escape and Kai backed up the guard’s claim of witnessing the offense. It made her stomach twist to damn the man in such a way.

They slammed the door on him again, leaving him to freeze while they went about their duties.

A large buzzer rang throughout the hallways and yard while Kai was walking through the prison. She didn’t know where she was going. It had been just over an hour and she was already late to meet back with the boys, but she wanted to scan the area, see if there was anyone she knew from the Earth Kingdom rotting here. 

Prisoners cascaded back into their cells, institutionalized already from strict schedules and back breaking punishment. It was easier to just fall in line than to face the consequences.

One of them cut in front of Kai as she walked down the second floor open hallway, a female prisoner with clothes hanging off of her from absent weight and an adorable ponytail that sat above half loose hair. Kai grabbed the girl by her forearm, her helmet still obscuring her face.

Suki turned to face the “guard” but didn’t show an ounce of fear, and Kai could feel the pent up anger in her muscles.

“Did I do something wrong?” Suki asked sharply, fully expecting to be accused of a crime she did not commit.

Kai looked deep into her chestnut brown eyes. She was still a warrior. Kyoshi blood still ran through her veins. Her flame was smaller, but still strong enough to withstand the harsh winds of confinement.

“No… sorry.” Kai said, and she let Suki go.

She raced between the halls after that, pushing guards and prisoners alike out of her way in an attempt to find Sokka. Kai wanted to be the first to surprise him, like she’d been holding onto a birthday present for months and it was finally time to watch him fold back the paper.

In the prison yard is where they were, just as they’d agreed. The two outsiders were younger than the other guards, smaller, they were easy to pick out in the sea of people. Kai grabbed Sokka by the wrist and tugged at Sokka’s metallic belt before ever identifying herself.

“What’s going on?” Sokka questioned, “Is there, uh, important.. guard duties that need attending to?”

“It’s me, stupid, Kai!” She rushed them through the stairwell which had begun to clear out. 

Kai stopped in front of the door, she’d memorized the number, repeating it over and over in her head so that it wouldn’t slip her mind. 

  1. _Two-fourteen. 2. 1. 4._



“Hey! What are you—“ Sokka’s voice caught in his throat as she slid the latch open and shoved him inside the dimly lit, cramped room. 

And along with his voice went his breath, crushing under the weight of his lungs as his entire world both fell apart and stitched itself back together again. He stared at Suki through the confines of his helmet 

“Who’s in there?” Zuko asked Kai on the outside. The loud bang of Sokka’s body hitting the inside of the cell was followed shortly thereafter by soft smooching sounds.

“Suki, Sokka’s girlfriend.” Kai replied.

The pair snuck a peak at the couple from behind the peephole, with Zuko resting his armor comfortably against Kai’s. She seemed worlds away through the thin scraps of metal that separated them.

“Didn’t I tell you that you can’t date the female guards?” A voice said from behind them.

Zuko had slipped his hand around Kai’s waist in their moment of voyeurism. He ripped it away as the female guard came upon them and Kai felt the loss immediately, turning her head to see who had stolen the only form of intimacy she’d been shown since leaving the air temple.

“It’s okay, we all do it.” The guard said, winking at the two of them. “I need to get into that cell.”

The pair remained frozen in front of the door. Kai banged her elbow against it to warn Sokka of the dangers and a jolt of tingling numbness raced down her arm again, the same arm she’d landed on that morning during their expulsion from the war balloon.

“No, you can’t go in there!” Zuko yelled, “Uh, the lights are out. The prisoner could sneak up on you.”

The woman cut her eyes at Zuko, and then moved her vision to Kai, sizing her up. She raised her left arm and reared it back, ready to shove Kai out of the way.

Only she didn’t get the chance — Zuko twisted her forearm behind her back and shoved her against the wall and the woman cried out in agony. 

“Hey! What are you doing?!” She screamed. Zuko pulled her back toward him and then slammed her against the wall again, forcing her gaze away from the door and giving Sokka enough time to sneak out unnoticed. “Don’t just stand there! He’s an imposter, arrest him!” She shouted at Kai.

Sokka’s eyes met Kai’s and he nodded. She knew what she had to do.

“You’re under arrest for crimes against the Fire Nation.” Kai said, her heart hitting the bottom of her stomach like a brick in the ocean. She grabbed his arms and forced him onto the ground, wincing as his head hit the inside of his helmet.

Sokka kneeled on his back while she placed fetters around his wrists and ankles, whispering close to his ear, “Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out.”

* * *

Three loud bangs pounded against Kai’s bunker door, shaking her entire room.

She hadn’t seen Zuko since his arrest. He’d been dragged away by two men much larger than she and Sokka, losing his helmet and armor in the process. After that, she’d been congratulated like some sort of hero. No one suspected that she was in on it with him. 

Kai waved open the door and watched as Sokka hastily pushed his way inside.

“No! Metal! Bending!” He chastised her in a hushed tone, she just rolled her eyes and continued strapping on her stolen uniform.

“They sure don’t treat their guards much better than the prisoners as far as scenery goes.” Kai said.

The room was barely big enough for one person, let alone the two that it was expected to house. She hadn’t met her bunk mate yet, and she didn’t particularly care to. To be quite honest, Kai wanted nothing more than to stay in her tiny bunker until it was time for the escape plan that Sokka had hatched up. 

“I still don’t see why I can’t just bust us out of here. It wouldn’t take much.”

Sokka started in on her, parroting her own words of being too close to a volcano and that they’d set off a chain of eruptions and blah, blah, blah. Those were all consequences that Kai was now willing to risk. 

“Look, I understand why you’re sour.” Sokka handed her the helmet that she was growing to loathe. It made her hair staticky and her neck hot. “I hate seeing Suki in a cell just as much as you do Zuko. Let’s just make a couple of rounds and then we’ll take turns keeping an eye out so we can visit with them for a while.”

Kai pulled it on and slammed the door behind her as they started off to relieve the other two guards.

The hallways of the mostly open interior were quiet, aside from their own clicking heels. The prisoner housing was far enough away from the guard bunkers that the sharp metal toes wouldn’t wake any employees, though it was sure to keep any light sleeping “offenders” awake, especially since they were required to keep the tiny slit of a window in the door open at all times.

They made their rounds, searching every nook and cranny for anyone that may have been taking a late night stroll. Kai and Sokka had offered to take up the night shift for a variety of reasons. One being that they were the rookies, lowest on the totem pole and fresh meat. They would’ve been selected for it anyways, but offering themselves up helped gain a little bit of trust. The second was so they could perfect their plan. Sokka had walked the ground earlier in the day and given Kai the rundown, he told her of the blind spot between two watchtowers in the prison yard. That big, burly prisoner that Kai had taken to the cooler overheard them discussing the plan and wanted in, and he gave them some useful information regarding the insulation and mechanics or the solitary room. 

“I’ll keep watch. You have _one hour_ , Kai. Not a second longer.” Sokka whispered.

He began his count. 

Kai slid the latch to the door open as quietly as she could and closed the door ever quieter. The room was so dark that she didn’t bother searching for her hand in front of her face, and it was cold. The brittle air clung to the iron walls like a blanket of fresh snow in the South Pole, chilling Kai to the bone.

Zuko’s voice came to her as a dose of sweet relief in this hellish nightmare. “I can’t light the lantern. If another guard walks by they’ll become suspicious.”

“That’s okay.”

Even though Zuko couldn’t see her, Kai could still see him. She slipped out of the two-sizes-too-big boots and planted the bare soles of her feet on the ground. For the first time, she found an outfit that she hated on him more than his monkey suits from the Royal Palace — prison garments. Zuko wasn’t meant to dress like a commoner, she saw that now. He was built to wear the finest silk and hand woven cotton that money could buy. 

His hand reached for her waist in the darkness, what little of it was accessible through the armor.

“I fucking hate this.” Zuko said, and sighed in exasperation.

“The uniform or sneaking around?” Kai replied.

“Both. It’s like we’re back in Ba Sing Se all over again, hiding from your friends and sneaking away from my uncle.”

Kai couldn’t change the latter, but she didn’t have to be ordered to strip out of the metal that made her skin sticky with sweat (no matter how cold it was on the other side). She placed them gently on the ground so that they wouldn’t make a peep, then moved Zuko’s hands back to her waist.

“You’re just as testy as you were in the city, too.” She draped her hands over the top of his shoulders, her thumb tracing the spot where his hair met his neck. “I kind of liked that aspect though.”

Zuko’s body bloomed the more that she spoke. His muscles loosened up and with her mind’s eye, she saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. His hands tightened around her back, forcing her to crawl closer.

“How long do we have?” 

Time was lost in the sensory deprivation tank that was this cell. Zuko filled up every aspect that surrounded Kai. His voice was the only thing for miles and his hands, precise and needy as they explored her curves, were gentle as feathers. He smelled so _clean_ from being pelted with dry soap and hosed down upon intake. 

She would make time. She would rip it out of the atmosphere or create it herself if she had to.

Kai perched up on the tips of her toes and drank his kiss like a sip of water. Her fingers knotted themselves in his hair, his _hair_ , she couldn’t believe she’d told him that she hated it. It felt like satin to her now. And, _oh god_ , the way his hot breath hit her mouth as his forehead leaned into hers.

Zuko walked her backwards toward his cot, pulling her down on top of him. It creaked a wretched, high pitched sound.

“Sshhh…” He whispered, and even that was tuned to perfection. “Slow…”

The bed was smaller than theirs at the Western Air Temple, so small that Zuko could lean back against the wall while simultaneously sitting at the edge with his feet planted on the ground. He held Kai against his lap, fingers dancing up the back of her shirt, pawing at her hips. 

Zuko kissed her chin with lips that bled raw love and affection, nipped at her skin with teeth that wanted to eat her alive. She would’ve let him. All he needed to utter were the words, “I’m starving”, and Kai would’ve disemboweled herself for him. This was the part of him that she favored over others, the fact that he trusted her strength. He knew he couldn’t hurt her, but her body still begged him to try. 

His fingers, calloused and rough, danced over the top of her blouse, stopping to stroke her stiff nipple through the fabric with the pad of his thumb. He held her by the side of the neck and tipped her chin upward, warm tongue lapping at her skin before she felt the first tinge of delicious pain.

Kai’s blood ran cold. A flash of bright light blinded her, clouding her mind.

She’d been here before — in her dreams. 

Her hands went limp in his hair, previously ragged breaths were now completely nonexistent.

“What’s wrong?” Zuko asked, and it was as if he had split personalities. 

One wanted to worship her both inside and out, it wanted to watch her come undone around him and taste every inch of her skin.

The other, _sweet_ . So fucking sweet that it made Kai’s teeth ache. That side would rip apart anything that threatened her being, end _anyone_ that came between them again.

Kai pulled herself off of him and stumbled backward through the dark, her shoulder blades hitting the wall as brief flashbacks violently rocked though her. Words that only she could hear blew past her ear like an early winter chill, _“You’re mine, Kai. You’ve always been mine.”_

Zuko searched for her, panicked and blind, until his hands brushed against her shivering arms.

“Talk to me, baby.” He said while holding her face in his hands, feeling her features with his fingers so that he knew it was really her. Kai’s jaw was locked so tight that he feared it would break. “What is it?? What’s going on?” Fear caused his voice to tremble.

He would risk the lashings. Fire grew from his fingertips and formed an organic torch and he could see sweat dripping down Kai’s neck, her face as pale as the sheets on his cot once were.

She wiped her face and sucked in a deep breath of air — cold and nice and surprisingly fresh tasting. 

“Come back to me, Kai.” Zuko crumpled to the ground with her in his arms. She folded herself into him, seeming so small, so feeble, and took shelter.

“I had dreams about you — about _us_ .” Kai stammered, “No, they were nightmares… but they were so real, so fucking _real…_ ”

Zuko didn’t speak. He couldn’t imagine dreams so terrifying that Kai would nearly break down a wall just to get away from him (and she could’ve done it, had she not been incapacitated with fear). But his upbringing rushed to place the blame on himself, if hadn’t betrayed her in the catacombs, if hadn’t entertained another woman, if he would’ve just been a better partner, would she have had those nightmares in the first place?

Kai sighed against his oversized tunic, “It wasn’t you though… I know that it wasn’t.”

She was trying so _hard,_ she thought. The nightmares and flashbacks and blackouts had disappeared for long enough to make her believe that she was free, but the side effects still remained. The lasting damage seeped out of her like a spinal leak years after taking hallucinogens, quick and brief but just as real as ever.

“I’m trying to be okay, Zuko.” Kai’s voice cracked when she spoke and it hurt Zuko to hear such a heartbreaking sound. He’d never considered the possibility that she _wasn’t_ okay… why had he never considered that? In fact, why _would_ she be okay?

“It's okay to _not_ be okay for once.” He said. 

The young couple sat on the cold, hard ground in silence for a long while, listening to each other’s heartbeats and syncing up their breathing, their bodies intertwined and hearts bleeding quietly from a lifetime of abuse. Neither were okay, and there was some sort of solace in that thought alone — the fact that they were only half of their full potentials but when together, they filled each other out just fine.

“I won’t hurt you again, Kai.” Zuko whispered when he thought she’d fallen asleep. “I _can’t_ lose you again…”

And Kai wept a quiet, tearless, lonesome cry, because she knew that he _would_ lose her again, because _she_ would be the one hurting him next time, and because she was too selfish to stop it from happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forty freakin' chapters, guys!! (I know this is technically chapter 41 but one was just a survey)
> 
> Thank you all that are still reading!! And anyone that is just now binging this ongoing story, just know that I LOVE your input. I love seeing new readers go through all of the emotions of the ones that have been with me since the beginning. 
> 
> I know I say it a lot but I appreciate you all so much. More than you will ever know. 
> 
> So here's the dealio, I know how this story ends. I know everything that I need to write and pretty much just gotta do the damn thing. But I'd really love to give you all just a feel good chapter. What's something that YOU want to happen? What's something that YOU feel like deserves a whole chapter dedicated to it? I wanna give you guys that.


	42. Sweet Talk

Kai walked solemnly down the long, empty corridor the next evening, her hair tucked into a tight ponytail like the rest of the female guards. Her teeth sat clenched together in her mouth. She was ready to get the hell out of here, she was ready to make their escape, but most of all — she was ready for a fight. 

The iron latch to the door lifted up in her hands, mimicking the weight of a feather under her strength.

“I can take you back to your cell if you’ve learned your lesson.” Kai said, folding her arms and resting against the door frame. 

Zuko was huddled on the ground at her feet. He lifted his head, smiling as a small puff of fire blew from between his lips. His palms opened to reveal the screws and bolts that he’d stolen from the inside of the room. “Yes, I have… completely.”

Kai pulled off her helmet, “Sokka took Suki and Chit Sang out of their cells a few minutes ago, they’ll be waiting for us at the shore.”

She reached her hand down to lift him up, and he took it, toasty against her quickly chilling skin. Zuko yanked her by the wrist into the cooler with him, slamming the door shut. He pulled her under his wing and tucked their bodies against the wall behind the door, someone was coming. 

“Yeah, new arrivals coming in at dawn.”

“Anybody interesting?”

“Nah, just the usual. Some robbers, a couple traitors, some war prisoners, though I did hear there might be a pirate.”

Kai looked with wide, hopeful eyes up at Zuko. They were only a hair apart, but he still managed to shimmy a finger between the two of them and quietly “shush” here until the guards were gone.

“War prisoners. That could be Sokka’s dad.” He finally whispered, foggy breath filling the space between them.

“We’ll have to tell him.”

They snuck out of the prison, sticking to dark corners, abandoned stairwells, and underground tunnels. Many times, Kai tried to flex her wrist, she tried to put a tiny bit of space between the two of them, but Zuko simply wouldn’t allow it. They moved as a unit, breathing in time with each other and hearts beating as one. 

There they were, the others, sitting at the shore of a lake just as hot as the sun. They’d detached the cooler during Zuko and Kai’s journey and it sat in front of them now. Sokka had already changed into his old Water Tribe outfit. He’d begun outgrowing it over the past year as his muscles filled out and he slowly transformed into the warrior that he was meant to be. 

“Took you guys long enough.” Chit Sang, a beast of a man, began. He motioned to the other two prisoners he’d helped escape. “This here’s my girl and my best buddy, they’re coming too.”

Kai’s eyes darted across the group until she met Suki’s, noticing the gold flecks that swam amongst her chestnut irises. Suki smiled, and she reached out for the girl. Kai threw her arms around her and held her like they were old friends that’d been long separated by nothing other than time. 

“You know when things go south, it’s gonna be me and you saving all their asses, right?” Kai joked. 

Suki giggled with her head on Kai’s shoulder, “Has it ever been any different?”

“If you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?” Chit Sang had one foot already in the boat.

Sokka felt Zuko’s comforting hand on his shoulder. Something wasn’t right. He turned and saw that this once enemy was coming to him as a friend. “We overheard a few guards in the prison...“ Zuko said, “A group of war criminals is being dropped off in the morning. One of them could be your dad.”

The words sounded foreign to Sokka. Individually, they made sense, but together it was as if Zuko was speaking a dead language. “My  _ dad _ ?” He said, breathless. The cooler was  _ right there _ . Freedom for his friends was closer than it’d been in weeks and yet he couldn’t help but to feel guilty for wanting more _.  _

“You said you wanted to redeem your honor. Rescuing your dad is your chance.” Zuko said.

Suki leaned in close to Kai and whispered, “They’re  _ both _ on that whole ‘honor’ kick now?” And Kai held in her laughter, nudging the girl in the ribs. 

Sokka sighed, “If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe sometimes it’s better to just call it quits before you fail.” He glanced back at the prison and then up at the gondolas that would be moving across the lake in just a few hours. “I’m staying, you guys go.”

Suki refused to join Chit Sang and the other two strangers in the cooler, and Zuko wasn’t going to leave if it meant abandoning Sokka in a Fire Nation prison. 

“You guys can all go, you know.” Kai said. “I can stay back, I can get Hakoda and sneak out without anyone noticing. And if shit hits the fan, no offense, but I’m the most likely to make it out alive. You guys go, I’ll catch up in a few days.”

She felt possessive fingers wrap like spider legs around her wrist, and as she was about to rip herself away, they softened. They slipped between her own and held onto her hand for dear life. “That isn’t an option, Kai. I go where you go.”

“All right, well we’re out. Let’s roll, baby.” Chit Sang pushed the cooler off of the shore and hopped in, steaming water splashing around them as they set sail. Kai gave their boat an extra wave off from where she stood for good measure.

But she didn’t foresee them getting very far.

The four of them stood on the beach shoulder to shoulder; Zuko, Kai, Sokka and Suki, watching their escape plan unfold without them. 

“I hope we didn’t just make a huge mistake…” Sokka said, and they made their way back up to their respective cells.

* * *

Sokka and Kai were monitoring the prison yard the next day when things went awry. The alert system blared over speakers attached to the watchtowers, lights flashed red against their faces and one of the warden shouted, “Guards! Secure the perimeter and lock down the prisoners! Now!”

“The plan failed, they’re caught!” Kai heard Sokka say to himself.

One of the guards cracked a whip made of fire, using it to herd these prisoners, these  _ humans _ , like livestock, and Kai winced every single time. The memory of pain was permanently burned into her brain so deeply that her ankle began to ache right where her achilles had nearly been severed. Kai searched through the sea of people for Zuko until their eyes met across the yard, he sat on the outskirts with Suki.

The gondola began moving on its track, wheeling over the bubbling water and through the steam until the white vapor blocked their view of it. 

“Here it comes... “ Sokka said when it re-emerged from the silk screen.

He held his breath as it docked, the doors swung open and new inmates began to walk out single file with their hands tied behind their backs. All were dressed the same, crimson colored sacks with holes cut out for the arms, legs and head. Shackles clanked against each other as the men, already broken-willed with long faces, fell into line.

And then they stopped moving. A dozen or so men all around the same age as Hakoda, some even with the same build, but none were him. And Sokka’s heart hardened, Kai could hear his blood slow its flow as he was silently let down once again.

“Hey, you! Get off the boat!” A male guard yelled from the end of the line. Kai had been so tuned in to Sokka’s senses that it made her jump.

Sokka stepped forward as the sound of slow footsteps echoed gainst the floor of the gondola. Kai grabbed him by the hand, “Sokka…” she whispered.

But he paid her no attention as his eyes fell on his father. Hakoda stepped into line with the others, his eyes cast down, knuckles clenched white.

“Dad…” Sokka lifted the visor of his helmet and strained against Kai’s grip. She let him go. He pushed his way through the crowd, itching to get closer so that he could confirm this wasn’t just another dream.

The warden made his way down the line, delivering his spiel about how if they just comply, if they just transform themselves into mindless zombies, their lives here can be peaceful. Kai knew it wasn’t true, she’d watched guards find joy in tormenting these mostly innocent prisoners in the days since she’d arrived. Hakoda would get the worst of it, she knew, because he was a fighter. 

“Look me in the eyes when I talk to you.” The warden said, stopping in front of the resilient Hakoda. 

He shifted his eyes, but still refused to look up. “No.”

All four of them recoiled as the warden forced Hakoda to the ground with his foot. “Oh? You’d rather look at my shoes? Then take a look!” He said. Kai could hear Hakoda’s teeth grinding to dust as he stuffed all of his anger deep down inside of him.

Hakoda eventually looked up, his vicious gaze burning a hole into the warden’s soul. And as the demented old man turned, feeling very accomplished with his cruelty, both she and Hakoda moved with the same intent. He lifted his chains up slightly and the warden’s foot slipped out from underneath him, causing him to fall flat on his ass in front of all his men. Kai hadn’t even been given the chance to bend his bones, though she still bit her lip to hide the laughter and smile that his pain brought her. 

The new prisoners were shown to their cells. They’d be kept alone for the first day or so (so they could simmer on their ‘crimes’ and decide whether or not solitary was how they wanted to live the remainder of their days). The old ones, including Zuko and Suki, were ordered back to theirs’ as well, as the prison still needed to be secured after Chit Sang’s failed escape. 

Sokka and Kai began making their rounds with the intent of ending up in Hakoda’s presence, but the hallways were bustling. Every guard was on duty, which they’d learned wasn’t common at all. 

“Guards, halt!” A familiar, blood boiling voice said. The pair turned on their heels in the uniform manner that they’d observed from the other guards. “You, what’s your name?” The warden asked with his finger pointed at Kai. He didn’t make a move to approach her, there were other guards he was attending to simultaneously. 

“Kai, sir.” She said. 

His face twisted up in confusion when she spoke, “That’s a rather masculine name for a woman.”

Kai pushed the face of her helmet up, “Would you like me to change it, sir?” She replied sarcastically.

The warden rolled his eyes and motioned her forward. “Come with me. I have a special assignment for you.”

Kai glanced back at Sokka, mouthed to him “I’ll catch up”, and then followed the warden down the hall. He led her through corridors that rookies seldom had access to, up stairwells that seemed to echo louder than the others. There were plenty of places to hide here, considering prisoners never visited these parts of the institution. 

“My niece is visiting the prison today, I’m assigning you to look after her.” He grumbled out from in front of her.

“You’re putting me on… babysitting duty?” Kai said. She imagined his niece being a small child, one that’d been thrusted on him and he just didn’t want the hassle of keeping up with a little one for a few hours. Besides, what parent allows their child to ‘visit’ a prison anyways?

The warden scoffed, “She’s seventeen and here to visit her ex-boyfriend. I don’t trust any of my male guards to be alone with her. Besides—” he pushed open the door to his private quarters, “maybe you can talk some sense into her.”

Mai, a girl that Kai recognized well, stood with her back facing them. Her arms were crossed square over her chest and her silky black hair flowed down her back. Kai’s breath dissipated in her lungs, she pushed her helmet back over her head quickly (though she couldn’t recall a time when Mai had ever laid eyes on her).

“Mai, this is your security for the day. Guard, take her to an interrogation room and then fetch the banished Prince. Don’t make her wait too long.”

The girl turned and Kai was taken aback, she could see why Zuko hadn’t refrained himself from her attention. She was a gem, sharp and shiny and all wrapped up in lavish clothing, her hair free of any knots and likely washed daily by hands other than her own. She was tall and thin, not a scar or mark blemished her soft, pale skin. 

And Kai felt small. She felt inadequate compared to this beauty. 

“I’ll do my best, sir.” She said to the warden, and then held the door open for her temporary superior.

Mai didn’t speak to her on their way down. She followed closely behind Kai with heels that clicked against the floor, hidden by the long dress that fit her figure well. Kai had noticed the anger in her eyes and she didn’t know what Zuko had done before he’d left home, but she could only guess the wrath that he’d face once the two were alone. 

“How was your journey?” Kai asked.

“Boring.”

She was offered nothing at all, but she still huffed with laughter. “Not one for small talk, I see.” Kai mumbled to herself. She pointed Mai toward a numbered interrogation room, already imagining the heart-wrenching things that would happen behind that door, and then breathed for the first time since being formally introduced to the girl. She breathed and the air choked her. For reasons unknown to her, tears swam in her eyes. She tasted blood washing over her tongue as she bit the inside of her mouth to hold them back. 

And then she found herself in front of Zuko’s cell door. It reminded her more of the door to her father’s office when she was a child, when she was dirty from training all day and on the brink of a meltdown but she had to suck it up or else she’d be punished. So she did just that, she dried her tears and rubbed her cheeks until the blood washed out of them and when she thought that this was the best she could clean up, she pulled the door open. 

Zuko stood at attention and then relaxed when he saw that it was her. 

“I have orders from the warden to retrieve you.” She said. Her voice was as cold as ice and unemotional because that was how she’d been trained, and she was running in default mode now.

“Me? For what?” He asked, following her out. 

Kai closed her eyes, walking too quickly for him to keep up so that Zuko couldn’t see the pain and anger and irrationality that was taking her over. 

“Kai, wait!” He called out when they were finally alone, “Where are we going??”

Zuko sped up to a trot and reached for her shoulder but the ground shifted beneath his feet, sending him to the ground, slamming his knees against the hard iron floor. Kai finally stopped when she felt him hit the deck, she couldn’t bear the thought of his hands on her right now, as if his touch would bring her to her knees, too.

“You’re going to visit your girlfriend.” She said just short of a snarl. “And I don’t think I’m allowed to sit in on  _ those  _ types of visits.”

Zuko lifted himself up, rubbing his aching joint as he asked her what the hell she was talking about. To which she responded, with more bite than bark this time, “Mai, you  _ idiot _ . What happened to the two of you not being together?”

“We  _ aren’t _ together! What the hell is she here for??” Zuko’s mind swarmed with possibilities. 

“Considering the fact that her uncle asked me to ‘talk some sense into her’, I’m assuming she’s here to rekindle your relationship.”

“Ugh… I guess she didn’t take my letter all that well.” He pressed his head against the metal wall, it’s cool surface providing a small amount of relief to his pounding head. “ _ Could  _ you talk some sense into her? You know.. without telling her who you are?”

Kai flew into a frenzy of maniacal laughter, “She’s  _ YOUR  _ girlfriend, you asshole!”

“NO SHE ISN’T!  _ YOU  _ ARE _!”  _ Zuko yelled and fire engulfed his hands. Only briefly, but it burned hot enough to cast shadows on Kai’s tinted red cheeks before dying down. “ _ YOU’RE  _ my girlfriend, Kai! I left home because of  _ YOU!  _ I love  _ YOU!”  _ Zuko marched toward her, backing her against the dim corner of the stairwell until her shoulders hit the wall. Kai felt his amber eyes burning into hers with something that wasn’t quite anger, nor was it jealousy. “I love you so  _ fucking _ much and it tears me apart that you won’t say it back! It took you being drunk off your ass to even wanna touch me since we’ve been back together! Yet  _ I’M  _ the one being accused of having a second girlfriend?!”

He turned on his heel and shot a proper blast of fire against the defenseless wall, followed by a couple of punches. 

And then all was silent. Kai stood where she’d been cornered, simmering on his words, choking on tears that she hated more than anything. Zuko stood away from her, facing the wall with his hands lifted over his head. Kai’s distance was more of a prison to him than this establishment could ever be, and her pain hurt him, too.

“You can tell me if you don’t love me…” He said after a while, all of the fight drained from his voice. 

Kai scoffed and the dam broke as she shook her head gently, tears rolled over her cheeks. “It’s not that.”

Zuko turned and she could see that he didn’t believe her. “Then what, Kai?” He asked, taking steps toward her. His hands held her by either side of her cheeks and the rough pads of his thumbs hastily swept away her falling tears, “What is it, baby?”

Oh god, did she melt. Kai’s insides turned into a gelatinous mess as he coddled her. She’d never even wanted to be coddled by a man until now, never been fond of pet names until they rolled off of his tongue so smoothly. 

“We’re fighting a  _ war _ , Zuko.” She whispered, as if it were a secret. “What if I don’t make it?”

He sighed with relief and rested his forehead against hers, beginning to speak before he was cut off.

“Don't you dare say that it couldn’t happen, either one of us could be killed before this is over. And if I die…” Kai felt Zuko hold her a little tighter over the mere thought, “Would it not hurt to hear those words, and then never be able to hear them again?”

Zuko smiled against her forehead and flowers grew in the place of Kai’s frayed heart, “That would fucking suck.” He said, then kissed the top of her head. “But it would suck worse to have never heard them at all.”

Kai folded herself into a miniscule version of herself, armor and all, tucking her body into Zuko’s chest. She felt small again but she wanted to this time, she wanted to be blanketed by his love and adoration. 

“I’m sorry.” She admitted. 

“Don’t apologize.” He said and tilted her head up to face him. Kai enjoyed the way he towered over her. “You have the right to be scared, honey. But for the love of Koh,  _ talk  _ to me about it next time.”

Kai felt more flowers bloom in her chest, caterpillars hatched from their cocoons in her stomach and fluttered all throughout her body. She shimmied out of his grip and started back down the corridor that they’d hidden themselves in. “Keep up the sweet talk and we won’t be doing very much talking at all.”

Zuko followed after her, tripped up again by the shifting ground as he tried to reach for her hand, “Can I at least get a kiss?” He begged. 

“No way! You’ve got a lot of ass kissing to do anyways once I lock you in that interrogation room with Mai.”

* * *

Kai hadn’t been standing outside of the interrogation room for ten minutes when Sokka dashed past her. She shouted “Hey!” but he didn’t stop.

“No time!” Sokka panted, “Meet us in the yard in five!”

Two minutes later, she heard the buzzer ring that released all of the prisoners, and three minutes after that, the security system was triggered. It consisted of a loud horn blaring throughout the entire island, accompanied by a blinding red light that flashed bright enough to cause seizures. 

That was her cue. 

Kai swung the door open to see Mai standing in front of a seated Zuko, her fists were perched on her hips and they were obviously in the midst of an argument. 

“Whatever it is, I don’t need protection!” Mai shouted, anticipating being pulled to safety by her uncle’s men.

“Well that’s a relief, because I’m not here for you.” Kai said, and nodded out the door. “Zuko, we gotta go!”

“Wait, is that—” Mai turned her head sharply over her shoulder and as soon as she wasn’t looking, Zuko grabbed her by the wrist, shoving her into the back of the room and following Kai out the door, latching it behind them.

They took chase, dashing down the many flights of steps to the prison yard. A riot had started there and the warden was standing on an iron balcony arguing with a handful of guards over how to handle the situation. Sokka waved them down, “Good, we’re all here! Now all we need to do is grab the warden and get to the gondola!”

Zuko and Sokka began bickering over how to make that happen, throwing verbal jabs back and forth over  _ when  _ it was appropriate to not have a plan and when everything should be thoroughly thought out. 

Suki eyed the warden, he was barely paying attention to the riot below him. It wasn’t his job to get his hands dirty, anyways. She calculated the distance between where she stood and where he was and once her mind was made up —

“Kai!” She nudged the girl in the side and pointed to the balcony.

Kai smiled and nodded, their brains working as one. She pushed her way through the hordes of men that were shoving each other in the yard, kneeled with her head tucked down, and before the guys could come to a conclusion, the girls had already formed their own plan.

“Uh, fellas… I think your girlfriends are taking care of it.” Chit Sang pointed out.

Suki got a running start and launched herself off of Kai’s back, Kai followed just after. Suki jabbed the first guard in the throat and Kai fed the next two to the lions below, hungry and angry and ready for revenge. She somersaulted off of Suki’s shoulders halfway up the ladder to the watchtower, where she was met with an instant blast of fire that she narrowly avoided. Suki skidded past her, kicking the guard off of his balance and over the edge of the balcony. 

The warden wasn’t going to put up a fight, but Kai pulled out her uniform issued katana anyways. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” The warden hissed.

By the time the men joined them, they were all out of breath and the warden was already tied up and gagged, ready to be hoisted over Chit Sang’s shoulder.

“That’s some girl.” Hakoda commented, to which Sokka and Zuko replied, in unison, “Tell me about it.”

They made it to the gondola and loaded up, dodging guards that quickly surrendered once they saw that the warden had been taken hostage. Zuko kicked off the handle of the lift so that it couldn’t be stopped and for a moment, it felt as if they’d succeeded. Sokka hadn’t yet taken a breath when he heard his father ask, “Wait, who’s that?”

Azula and Ty Lee stood at the platform below. 

“ _ That’s  _ a problem.” Zuko said. 

And Kai, “Well, I kind of regret stabbing her now.”

Suki, Zuko and Sokka climbed to the top of the gondola, fighting off the two girls while Kai worked on moving the mechanism faster on its tracks. It was harder than it looked, moving a giant metal box midair. The tram workers in Ba Sing Se had made it seem so simple. But all of her hard work was threatened when the wire shook, knocking Sokka off of its side and nearly to his death, had Zuko not caught him. 

“They’re about to cut the line!” Kai heard Ty Lee say. 

The two girls sprinted back down to the platform, leaving the rest of them stranded. The gondola teetered back and forth when the others hopped inside. 

“What do we do?? The gondola’s about to go!” Sokka shouted. 

Kai peered out over the edge, the wire was nearly completely severed. Guards were lashing at it back and forth, sealing their fate at the commands of one man that was about to die with them. 

And then they were jerked away. In the blink of an eye, the men were pinned to the wall with stiletto blades that pierced through their uniforms. 

“Holy shit, it’s Mai.” Kai jerked Zuko to the window for him to witness the spectacular act.

Her knives were neverending and her aim was precise, she never, not once, missed her mark. And her mark was always the guards that came after her.

“What is she doing??” Suki asked. The gondola crested, docking at the opposite platform that led them all to safety, but Kai couldn’t take her eyes off of the girl. Mai was relentless, fighting off everyone in her path. 

“She’s making herself an enemy. It doesn’t matter how many guards she takes down, she’ll never be able to defeat Azula.” Kai said. She looked over her shoulder at Zuko, “Think these boots are heat resistant?”

Before he could stop her, they were all surrounded by unimaginable heat as a wave of magma crested from beneath the boiling water. Kai leapt onto it and soon found out that the guard shoes very well may have been heat resistant, but they were absolutely  _ not  _ magma resistant. The iron softened quickly and began sticking to the soles of her feet, melting away her skin as she pushed through the pain and focused on bending the new material as quickly as she could.

Mai had been detained during Kai’s journey. She stood with her arms behind her back and her chin against her chest when Kai found her, surrounded by two guards. Azula and Ty Lee were approaching her.

“Not another step, unless you wish to perish.” Kai shouted from far behind them, and the guards didn’t listen.

They seldom do. The foundation beneath their feet caved in as they turned toward Kai, readying themselves in a fighting stance. The men fell to their deaths, hopefully knocked unconscious before succumbing to the element that gave them power over the powerless.

It was just the four of them, with Ty Lee standing between Azula and Mai and Mai right in front of Kai.

Mai turned to face Kai but her angry gaze never softened. “Why?” she asked, without needing to further explain herself. 

“Because you didn’t do anything wrong.” Kai shrugged her shoulders. “Because I love Zuko… and I know that you do, too. And whoever he ends up with, I don’t want it to be because the other is dead.”

Ty Lee watched as the tips of Azula’s fingers sparked blue, her brow furrowed with the rage of being ignored — of not being feared. She locked her fingers together, ready to strike, “How about  _ both  _ of you die!” She snarled.

And then static filled her body before she went numb. Her limbs locked up and for a moment she thought that Kai had bended her bones again, but it wasn’t the earth bender. It was Ty Lee, she’d jabbed her fingers into Azula’s pressure points and blocked her chi, rendering the princess powerless.

Kai smiled at the fearful girl with a cocked eyebrow, “Impressive.” she commented. Ty Lee was shaking, she grabbed Mai by the arm for comfort.

“Well, you’re both fugitives now.” Kai could hear the clanking of boots against the floor as an army of guards got closer. “I’ll get rid of this round but after that, I’m out. Got it?”

The girls, shaken by the events surrounding them, nodded as the guards approached. 

They met the same fate as the other two. Kai stomped and the floor of the prison cracked, she shifted her arms down and they disappeared beneath the earth. Their bodies belonged to the water now.

* * *

Kai found the others at the new and improved war balloon that Azula had sailed in on. She fell to her knees, feet burned raw and bleeding, content with the fact that they were going home. 

_ Home. _

Zuko and Suki rushed to her rescue, hoisting her arms over their shoulders and holding her legs out in front of her. “You just killed, like, twenty men!” Suki laughed as she spoke. 

“I never claimed to be a great role model.”

They carried her onto the balloon and it took just as long to get back to the Western Air Temple as it had to get away. They traveled all through the night, Chit Sang manning the helm so that Suki and Sokka could stay cuddled up in the corner catching up on lost time.

Zuko and Kai did the same. He pulled her legs over his lap against the floor of the basket, refusing to let her feet touch the ground. 

“It doesn’t hurt that bad.” Kai lied. But Zuko let her lie if it brought her comfort, he knew well what it was like to be burned.

“Okay, but Katara’s working on them as soon as we get back.”

He folded his arms around her, needing to feel the beat of her heart against his own. Kai nuzzled her nose against the warmth of his neck, pressing her chapped lips against his soft skin.

“I love you too, y’know.” She whispered. 

Zuko’s breathing stopped. Kai could tell because he’d been using it to keep her warm, just like he had the day they met. He moved his face down and they were covered mostly by their bulky clothes and the darkness. His forehead leaned against hers, tilted so that his features fit into her like puzzle pieces. “Tell me again, please.” He begged, needy and desperate and so close to Kai that she felt her spirit merge with his.

“I loved you on the ferry to Ba Sing Se. I loved you when I pretended not to notice you looking at my ass during yoga and I loved you with my blades against your throat. I loved you even when I wanted to kill you for pouring iodine all over me.” Kai breathed and Zuko inhaled her fog on purpose, “I love you, Zuko. I love you, and it terrifies me.”

“I think love is supposed to terrify you, because it does me too.”


	43. Closure vs. Justice vs. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi filler chapter while we prepare ourselves for the downfall.

Suki and Kai lay in the confines of the small, stone teepee together. The group had found themselves camping, just like old times, after Azula obliterated the Western Air Temple in an attempt to become an only child. And all was going well until Katara ended up in one of her _moods_ again, sulky and angry and as closed off as Boiling Rock had been.

That was how Suki and Kai had ended up together — because Zuko wandered after Katara and when that didn't work (like Kai _told_ him it wouldn't), he barged into Sokka's tent, running Suki off in the process.

The girls rested side by side, staring up through the stone slats that Kai bended up from the earth. There were cracks in the two slates where they didn't quite meet up and the shimmering, plentiful stars could be seen if they focused their eyes.

Kai hadn't expected to feel so close to Suki so quickly, she'd only met the girl once, but it felt as if they were two peas in a pod — sisters. And that bond came with the lingering feeling of guilt that sat in the back of her throat like acid reflux.

"I hope Zuko didn't interrupt anything too embarrassing." Kai said. She'd picked up two interestingly shaped rocks while clearing out the campsites and now had them floating in the air above her head. She didn't care to look at the stars these days, they only reminded her of what was to come.

"What? No!" Suki said, "We were just, uh.. y'know, catching up."

She caught Kai's side eye through the fire light that shined in. "Right, _catching up_." Kai said, "Well, I purposefully made you guys' tent at the back of camp so you can _'catch up'_ without the rest of us hearing."

Suki smiled as a silent thank you to her new friend.

The Kyoshi Warrior had a lot on her mind... life wasn't exactly slow, she would say, but it was calmer now than it'd been since her village was destroyed. Suki finally had a moment to think and, like the others, had sporadic chances to feel like a teenager for once. Chances that she'd never experienced before, having grown up mostly surrounded by females.

"You and Zuko have been together for a while now... right?" She asked.

Kai shrugged, "We've been on and off, I guess." She caught the stones in her hand and turned on her side, lifting herself up on her elbow, "Why do you ask?"

"It's just... Sokka and I haven't spent that much time together, and what if he wants to... _you know."_ She kept her eyes pointed straight above and her cheeks blushed red. Redder than the eyeshadow of her traditional garb.

This girl, this _warrior_ , was embarrassed to even be bringing up the subject. But the opportunity was right there in front of her and if Kai wasn't the right person to ask, who would be? Katara, his sister? Hakoda, his father?

Kai was the only viable option, which was rather unfortunate for the earth bender.

"Oh _god_ , please tell me you aren't coming to me for 'the talk', Suki. Shouldn't you be having this conversation with, like, an adult??"

"Did _you_ have it with an adult?!" Suki proclaimed in response. She couldn't imaginehaving asked her sweet mother about something as promiscuous as premarital sex!

But she was right, Kai hadn't been given the chance to go to any _real_ adults with all of her hormone driven inquiries. She'd only had three women to ask those questions to, ones that'd taken her under their wing, ones that were more than happy to fill her head with the radical idea of a healthy sex life.

"Ugh, _fine."_ Kai said. The idea of Suki and Sokka having sex twenty feet away didn't bother her, but the idea of giving Suki advice on the matter... _"_ What do you want to know?"

Suki repeated her question, "What if he wants to have sex?" She whispered the final word as if it were dirty.

"You have sex. If that's what you want, I mean."

The girl turned on her side identically to how Kai lay, facing her. "It can't just be that simple, can it? Isn't it supposed to hurt?"

Kai sat up and grabbed her bag from the corner, rifling through it. Her entire life was in that bag, including bits and pieces of other people's lives that she'd picked up along the way. "No, dude. And if it does, _tell him_. You have to communicate or else it won't be fun for either of you." She found what she was looking for stuffed at the bottom and shoved into the corner, an extra lambskin that Sokka had once shoved in her bag for safe keeping. Kai tossed it to Suki. "Use that, now would be the absolute worst time to end up pregnant. I'm pretty sure Sokka carries his own, but you can't rely on guys for that kind of stuff."

She'd never tell Suki where that condom originated from.

"Can't rely on guys for _what_ kind of stuff?" Zuko asked from the doorway, suddenly the teepee felt far too claustrophobic for Suki. She shoved the protection into her pocket, prayed to the spirits that he hadn't seen it, and looked to Kai for a quick response.

"Condoms." Kai said, and Suki's cheeks flushed bright red in the dim light. "And don't trust their pull out skills either."

Zuko smiled, a far cry from what he wanted to do, which was fall back with laughter. " _Definitely_ don't trust them to pull out." He said, plopping down onto the pallet beside Kai that Suki had just taken up space in.

Suki said goodnight and hurried away in embarrassment while Kai turned over on her stomach, resting on her elbows. She could tell things hadn't turned out well by the way Zuko lay back with her forearm draped over his eyes with frustration. He let himself get put down so easily, she'd realized.

"How'd it go?" Kai asked solely so that he could vent.

"As well as you predicted, she yelled and I stood there." He huffed, "But I think I know how to help her."

Truthfully, Kai wasn't interested in helping Katara get over her mother's death. Not in that moment, anyways. She slid her fingers across Zuko's torso, inching the fabric of his tunic up so she could feel the warmth of his skin.

"Yeah? How?" She asked.

Zuko wouldn't dare stop her from drawing abstract shapes on his stomach. Her nails stroked him from hip to hip, dipped against his waistband and then wandered idly up his sides.

"I think I know who invaded her village. Maybe I could take her to them, maybe she could find the man that hurt her and, you know... make things even."

Her hot breath against his skin as she leaned over to kiss his ribs made Zuko tingle everywhere. The back of his neck grew warm with rapidly pumping blood draining out of his brain.

"So you're going to offer her murder in exchange for friendship?"

He glanced down to see her staring back up at him, jade eyes fluorescent in the darkness. Kai was lying comfortably against his leg, her cheek resting on the jut of his hip. "Don't give me that. You've murdered, like, two dozen people and _stabbed_ my sister."

She smiled at him and he could see the glistening pinkness of her tongue as she licked her lips. "Got me there." Kai kissed the v the cut down from his hip bones, her fingers slipping under the lip of his trousers.

And then she felt his hand on her cheek, cupping her face lovingly as a defeated sigh escaped his lungs.

"I think I should go wait for her." He said reluctantly, "Outside of her tent, until morning. That way she knows I'm serious."

He'd never seen anyone's eyes roll harder than hers did when he was turning down a blowjob. Kai sat up on her knees, "Fiiiine." She said like a spoiled child that was finally accepting being told 'no'.

Zuko kissed her goodnight one million times as he tucked her into their bed roll. He waved out the oil lantern in the corner before ducking under the small gap entrance.

"Do me a favor, tell Toph I'll be the big spoon if she comes sleep with me for the night."

Zuko cut his eyes at his girlfriend, pouted, and grumbled under his breath, "You never offer to be the big spoon for _me_..."

* * *

The next morning, Kai witnessed the coming together of two sides firsthand. She stoked the fire that was long burned out, sleepy and wrapped in a blanket and craving nothing more than a shitty cup of coffee when Katara and Zuko approached Appa. She rolled her eyes as Aang preached about forgiveness.

It had to be easy, forgiving the evils of the world when forgiveness was all you'd been taught.

"What do you think this will accomplish, Katara? Closure? Justice?" Aang asked after being told about their plan to find the man that killed Kya.

Kai knew that closure and justice had been long forgotten in Katara's scorned, tired soul. The two girls were alike in that way, they were angry. So angry that it burned in them like the smoldering campfire Kai stood in front of now; charred, blackened coal on the surface but embers that were hot enough to kill and easy to reignite at their center.

The flames sparked alive and Kai sat the kettle over them. "Closure is a lie and forgiving irredeemable humans is the same as doing absolutely nothing." Kai said, "Katara doesn't need justice, she needs revenge."

Spite and tiredness clouded her features as the four others looked down at her, all wrapped in her blanket. She sure didn't look like a girl that was speaking so casually about murder. But in the end, it didn't matter what Kai's take was, regardless of the fact that she was most experienced in the art. Aang denied Katara use of his bison and she stomped away in a huff, not to be seen for the rest of the day.

Zuko stared through the cover of night at his girlfriend that evening, long after she'd gone to bed and he'd pretended to fall asleep. He watched with a heavy heart as she tucked her arms beneath a pillow after he peeled his body away from hers.

It hurt. He wanted her glued to his hip every night for the remainder of his days.

But there was work to be done, promises to be fulfilled. Zuko touched the tail of Kai's braid and genuinely considered singeing a few hairs off to stuff into his pocket. He kissed her lips, pouted and unresponsive, and then slipped away.

_Just for a few nights_ , he told himself as he changed into clothes that would conceal him better.

Katara was waiting for him just outside of camp. They'd planned this together immediately following Aang's disapproval. She'd made it clear to Zuko — either he travel with her or she goes alone, there were no other options.

They crouched through the bushes and snuck to Appa's resting place, Zuko threw his belongings onto the saddle in a hurry and mounted the steed. The two didn't speak, he was more or less only there as an escort.

"Surely you aren't going dressed like _that."_ Kai whispered through the tall grass that Appa had been feasting on. She stepped into the small clearing that he'd eaten around himself.

Katara stood at Appa's side, already gripping his fur with one hand.

"You might as well carry a torch, maybe send off a messenger hawk to let them know you're coming." She had Azula's dress wrapped tightly around her body, and Zuko knew she'd pulled it on in a hurry. He hadn't left her like that — clothed.

"If you're here to talk me out of this —" Katara started, and was cut off.

"I'm not. I thought I'd made that clear this morning." Kai pulled a neatly folded garment out from inside of her dress. It was the all black one that Sokka had gifted her on the day of the invasion, the one that represented where she was from. "Put this on, you'll be invisible until it's too late for them to run."

Katara looked at the dress in all of its elegance. She knew how much her brother had spent on it, they'd gotten into an argument about the damn thing. It hadn't been hand stitched for the purpose that it was now serving, but it served this duty so well. The girl saw now that what she was being offered was a peace treaty, a truce of sorts.

She silently agreed to the ceasefire by taking it in her hands. "I appreciate this, Kai." Katara said.

Kai smiled at her with true excitement — selfish happiness over the fact that Katara was finally filling the role of "chaotic good" she so often chastised Kai for loving.

"Does it change you?" Katara asked. She refused to look up from the dress and Kai knew that she wasn't doubting her decision, she was merely letting her thoughts wander aloud. Kai wanted to lie. She wanted to shelter Katara like she so often did Toph, but Katara would see through the facade. She'd already lived such a tumultuous life, there was no use in muddying her judgement now.

"No." Kai said. "But what he did changed you."

Kai waved the pair off, watching as Appa flew over the dim horizon.

Aang joined her some time later, he'd expected to find the clearing free of any sky bisons. He stood next to Kai with his feet sinking into the cold, soft ground. Morning dew would coat the tall grass soon enough, and in the next few weeks with it would come the first frost.

"Why didn't you go with them?" He asked. Disappointment sat heavy in his tone.

Kai tucked her arms tighter around her torso. "I have a feeling she's going to make decisions that I wouldn't."

* * *

She sat there. For two full days, she sat there, waiting. Praying to gods and spirits that she hated, even ones she didn't believe existed. Toph visited her often, they played _The Perfect Murder_ — a game that's title explains itself. Toph never won, she opted to kill her victims mercilessly by beating or stabbing, messy methods that left evidence pointing straight toward her. Kai chose the icicle, the weapon melted away. No weapon, no crime.

But those were non-bender methods. She knew the _real_ perfect ways to kill people because she'd done it before, and the methods that she hadn't tested out first hand, she'd dreamed about. That was her 'homework' sometimes, back when she still lived at the military base and her existence was top secret — to come up with creative yet effective ways to end someone. There was the obvious, her first kill, suicide. Make the victim kill themselves.

There was her most recent, by forcing the earth apart. The ground formed a hungry mouth that ate up victims by the dozens, _hundreds_ , if she really wanted it to. Their bodies would never be found. They'd sink to the core of the earth and become fuel for the rest of humanity to live off of.

And then there was one that had scared Kai when she first daydreamed about it. Bone bending, but not suicide. She, the killer would put so much pressure on the victims bones that they'd combust into shrapnel, piercing through organs and nerves and arteries. The victim turn into jello, and it would be immensely painful. But all hope would be lost and by the time they realized it and panic began to set in, everything would fade to black.

Kai felt guilty for harboring the capacity to imagine such scenarios. Normal people didn't think like that, _good_ people didn't think like that.

So she'd send Toph away when that anxiety became too much to bear. Sokka and Suki would visit her too, they'd sit hand in hand and bring her food when she forgot to eat. They'd lie on their backs and watch the stars with her at night before tuckering out and heading back toward their tent, likely to make love before falling asleep in each other's arms.

And then Kai would be left alone again in the pitch black like she had been for so long before meeting these friends. It didn't bother her now, not like it had for those few weeks before the ritual with Enya. She again found herself adoring the way fireflies lit up the sky and how moths fluttered against her cheeks.

It was sunset when they came back, Kai saw Appa soaring over the sky and Aang joined her just in time to witness their arrival. Their faces were long and Katara's spirit in particular seemed broken.

"How'd it go?" Kai asked her, though she already knew.

Katara requested to speak with her by the bank. "Alone", she emphasized, trying not to make eye contact with Aang. Kai followed her far away from the two boys, down to the ocean's edge where the soil turned muddy and roots of small tries freed themselves from the ground. They looked like creepy, crawly, rotten fingernails, Kai thought.

The two girls sat side by side in silence for a while, pulling up handfuls of wet grass and making little piles of it in front of them.

"I couldn't do it." Katara finally said. She'd been dreading admitting this to Kai.

"I know." Kai responded.

"You said that it doesn't change you, but... but I could feel myself changing before I even met the man. I was so _angry_ and I still am." Her voice fluctuated and Kai could hear the anger that she spoke of, but then it cracked along with Katara's self esteem. "I don't know if I'm just weak or what... but I _wanted_ to kill him and I couldn't bring myself to..."

Kai hadn't expected Katara to carry out the deed, she knew that it wasn't in the water bender's heart. But she'd hoped for the opposite. Kai had hoped that Katara would come back with the man's head on a stick and a smile on her face just to prove that Kai had been right, that taking the life of another _doesn't_ change everyone.

But she was wrong. Therefore, she was the outlier. Killing does change people, it just didn't change her.

"It makes you a good person, Katara. That's all." Kai said as she settled comfortably into her own grief. She felt Katara's chilly fingers against her own as the girl searched for someone to comfort her, and Kai wrapped those fingers up between her hands, becoming the maternal figure that Katara needed in that moment.

"I don't know what to do next..." Katara begged her for guidance.

"I think most people work on forgiveness."

Katara scoffed, "I couldn't. I could never forgive him."

Kai looked over at the girl, she was telling the truth. Though Katara may not have wanted to watch the man die, she could never find the inner peace to let his memory fade from her mind. That would mean letting her mother fade away as well.

"I meant forgiving yourself." Kai said, "For not being able to stop her death. I know that it seems impossible now, but you have to move on. You have to live your life for her because that's what your mother would've wanted."

Katara squeezed her hand a little tighter then, she leaned over onto Kai's shoulder and her small frame felt like a rock solid mass of emotions.

"I'm sorry for being so hard on you... and on Zuko." She said, and Kai smiled.

"Consider it forgotten." Kai slipped away from the girl and nudged the heel of her hand against the dirt, shifting her up onto her feet, "Go apologize to Aang though, give him a big, fat kiss and then send Zuko my way."

Katara scurried away with haste as she was sick of the silence, she and Zuko had been quiet for almost all of their time together. She wanted to be in Aang's bubbly presence, she wanted him to talk her ear off and ask her questions and she wanted to know that he was proud of her.

Kai felt Zuko's footsteps long before he sat down behind her, but she still didn't greet him until his lanky arms snaked around the front of her waist. He rested his cheek against her shoulder blade, listening to her steady heartbeat that he'd missed dearly.

"She didn't do it." Zuko said.

"So I heard." She sighed heavily, "Is it terrible that I was really, _really_ hoping she would? At least then I wouldn't be the only killer around here."

Kisses landed in her hair as he pushed his nose against her neck. Zuko had missed her earthy smell; not so much dirt, but more of cedarwood with a hint of evergreen. "You killed people that were going to kill you if you gave them the chance. That doesn't make you a bad person, Kai."

Kai liked listening to the scratchiness in Zuko's voice that surfaced in his tone late in the evening. It had always signified that he was almost ready for bed, which meant she got to be close to him again.

"I could've made those men at the prison march away, if I wanted to. All of them at once, I could've turned them into puppets and spared their lives. And that other man—" she couldn't bring herself to speak his name, "he wasn't going to kill me. He put me through hell, but he was never going to kill me."

She felt Zuko unlock his fingers from her torso and he moved in front of her, blocking the view of such a lovely sunset. That was okay, because Kai liked the sight of his softened face better; his scar mimicking the same colors as the sky.

Zuko took her hand in his own, "Tell me what you need from me, Kai." He said, pleading, "I'm not good at this stuff — comforting people. But I want to be whatever you need because you don't deserve to feel guilty for protecting yourself."

Kai reached up and stroked the edge of his scar with her thumb, noticing the stark contrast in texture. The skin around his eye was smooth and hairless compared to his lower cheek, which was rough with the promise of sprouting coarse facial hair.

"That's just it... I don't feel guilty. If anything, I _enjoyed_ killing those people." She said, working past the lump that'd taken up residence in her throat. "It made me feel strong, powerful. If I were Katara, I would've killed that man just to watch him die."

Kai pulled Zuko's face forward and kissed his scar, something she'd never done, and her chewed raw lips felt nice against his skin.

"I don't want you to make excuses for me, Zuko." She said as she pulled away. Her face was long with disappointment. "I know that there's darkness inside of me... I just wish that what little light I have was bright enough to wash it out."

He folded his hand over hers and brought her fingers to his lips, kissing her palm to taste her scar like she had his.

"You're the only light I've ever known." Zuko spilled those words into her hand and she held onto them. Kai clung to them in a last ditch effort for normalcy.

She hoped that they were true.

"Come on, you look like you haven't eaten in days. Let's go make some dinner."

Zuko pulled Kai to her feet and then starting fishing around inside his tunic pocket, "That reminds me, I brought you something!" After a moment, he found what he was looking for and held out a small bag filled with bright red nuggets, "They're fire flakes! It's a delicacy in the Fire Nation. I stole them from the first command post we went to."

Kai was happy to share the snack with him. She tucked herself under his arm, gluing herself to his side as they made their way to camp.

In that short walk, she began reconsidering "the darkness's" offer to keep her alive.


	44. Seppuku

Kai pushed her way through crowds in the packed theatre, juggling four glasses of ale, a box of fire flakes, and a bucket of popcorn covered in melted butter. Luckily, the production of _The Boy In The Iceberg_ was an adults only screening, so there were no children around to trip her up while they ran around unattended.

"Four ales, comin' in hot!" Kai said as she approached the seats they'd snagged in the nosebleed section. She sat in the open spot between Zuko and Toph, lowering her full hand down to the seats in front of her. Suki grabbed two drinks while Sokka was already tearing open the package of fire flakes.

"I thought you were getting me one, too??" Toph asked, reaching for the amber colored liquid that Kai held just out of her grasp, but Zuko was faster.

"I specifically told you that I wasn't. I let you drink once and that was because it was a special occasion."

Aang turned over his shoulder, he sat with his arm around Katara in the row in front of Sokka and Suki, "What was the special occasion?"

"Impending doom." Kai said. She sipped the ale, and it sucked, but she'd missed the crisp taste. 

The lights dimmed and the curtains drew away from the stage, revealing neon blue and white icebergs and a very much embellished representation of Katara and Sokka. The woman playing as Katara was ten years her senior and far too big breasted for anyone in the building to compare the women, she hung over the side of the boat sobbing about hope and peace and inner fulfillment. Kai and Toph sat giggling to themselves while the real Katara sulked from below.

"Well, this is just silly. I do _not_ sound like that." She mumbled with her arms crossed sourly over her chest.

The writer's rendition of Aang came and went and even Zuko found it comical that they'd cast a woman to play his part. The lipstick and rosy blush added a nice touch, he thought. It was when the rendition of Iroh came to the stage that he realized these actors were going to butcher their characters even worse than they used to _Love Amongst the Dragons_. Their Iroh was fat and stupid and cared about nothing other than filling his mouth with cake.

Even worse was his own doppelgänger. A tall, angry man with a ponytail that was shaved to bring shame.

"Did you really used to look like that?" Kai asked from his right. She'd only even seen him post-ponytail, after he'd shaved it off to conceal his identity in the Earth Kingdom.

Actor Zuko growled at his uncle from the false helm of his boat, "You sicken me!"

And the real Zuko slumped down in his seat, "Yeah... I used to _act_ like that, too."

The actor known as Kai had her own special intermission, one that had the real Kai's fingers twitching with anger. They hemmed her dress extra short and teased her braid especially ratty, making sure to paint bright green irises on the actor's eyelids for emphasis. They showed her drinking far too much and searching an empty bar relentlessly until she found, what they insinuated, was her victim.

"Wait, that isn't how that happened..." Kai said with pain and nervousness causing her voice to tremble.

They showed her hanging off the arm of a much older man in military attire, kissing at his neck as he led her back to his room for the night.

Zuko's eyes darted to her, he could feel her heart thumping in her hand that he held. The others looked back, all of them besides Sokka, he kept his eyes cast down into his box of fire flakes because he was the only one she'd trusted with this secret.

The fake, overtly promiscuous Kai went into the room with the General and, though they didn't show any details, they didn't leave out any either. The wooden prop that was painted like a shack shook and the moans of two _consensual_ people could be heard.

And when it was over, when Kai thought she couldn't bear anymore humiliation, Actor Kai exited the room with a handful of stolen belongings and covered in blood. They showed her pausing to put together a Molotov cocktail and throwing it inside, closing the door behind her before the shack burst into false flames.

No matter how fake, they still burned. They warmed Kai's skin just as if they were real and Zuko could feel every bit of her heat.

"That's _not_ what happened." Kai repeated through a clenched jaw.

Toph was the only one to feel the small tremor that shook the ground far beneath them. She grabbed Kai's other hand, it'd been gripping the wooden arm rest so tightly that cracks had split the finish. "It's okay." Toph cooed, "It's just a play, we know all of that stuff is baloney."

But Kai could feel the others' eyes on her, they _didn't_ know that none of that was true. In fact, part of it was true.

Kai swallowed her grief and anger like a bitter pill, and it stuck in her throat like one too. She sat back and watched as Sokka's girlfriend turned into the moon, as a very large man portrayed Toph ( _that_ lightened her mood for a moment), and as the still very angry Zuko and very loose Kai slowly fell into lust on the stage.

But that wasn't the worst of the damage.

No, Kai's senses came to life as they played out her and Zuko's first date in Ba Sing Se together. It wasn't at all accurate. They didn't show them abandoning their original dates or being caught kissing by the Dai Li, but it made the two of them reminisce on those things. Zuko stretched during those moments, he was suddenly very tired and couldn't help himself from yawning. His arm slid around her shoulder in the process and Kai didn't dare embarrass him by calling out the cheesy move.

What the playwright claimed happened after she and Zuko parted ways that evening was a far cry from the truth.

Actress Kai slipped into their upper ring apartment and a lone light shined on a very distressed Sokka.

"But _why_?!" The long faced actor cried, "Have I not made it clear enough that _I_ love you, Kai??"

Zuko glared at the back of Sokka's head, noticing how his spine had stiffened and the hairs on his neck stood on end.

Those actors tarnished that night for Kai. They didn't show her comforting Sokka about his longing to be with Suki, nor did they show their strictly platonic dance the two of them shared in the sitting room of that apartment. Instead, they showed Kai comforting him in a way furthest from the truth.

By taking his hand in hers and leading him off screen, where they presumably had sex.

The lights in the theatre came on and an intermission was called. Kai stood and stomped out of the auditorium as quickly as possible, she didn't want anyone to see her beet red chest or the way her nails had dug so firmly into her palm that they drew blood. Aang had long excused himself anyways, after listening to Katara and Zuko make love on a fire nation ship.

A cool breath of air was sucked deep into Kai's lungs as she escaped onto the patio, though it did nothing to calm the mixture of rage and shame and guilt that was brewing in her stomach. Her back hit the iron exterior wall and she closed her eyes as she slid down to the floor.

Kai was doing everything in her power to not tear Ember Island apart. She wanted to make it sink into the sea along with all of its inhabitants, along with those fucking actors and the playwright himself. And she could've. She felt it in her bones, that she could make the entire world crumble if she wasn't careful.

"That was... pretty brutal." A sweet, soft, hesitant voice said from beside her. Kai hadn't noticed the door open, she'd been too busy counting down from ten to ease her temper — something that Bumi had taught her long ago.

Suki stood in the moonlight with her arms wrapped around her torso, closed off from the girl. She kept her distance. "Sokka wanted to go meet the actor that's playing him and Zuko, well... looked pissed, like usual. So I figured I should check on you."

Kai stood up and made way toward the porch railing that overlooked the small tourist town. She dug deep in her pocket, pulling out a hand rolled cigarette and asked a fellow patron, one that looked like a fire bender, for a light, then offered it to Suki, who declined but joined her against the railing.

"They don't know anything about us. They don't know the shit we've been through." Kai spoke quietly. Her temples throbbed from stress. "Half of the junk they're saying up there isn't even true."

Suki stood a meter away from the girl but she could see the worry emanating off of her like heat waves above a fire. She picked at the wood, fidgeting with the finish. Suki was happy that she hadn't had a very big part in the re-enactment.

"Some of it is though." She said, "It's not accurate, but there's little bits of reality behind everything that they've said. Right?"

Smoke burnt Kai's lungs and she prayed for them to collapse in her chest.

_Why can't the universe just take me out now?_ Kai wondered. _Does it really insist on making a fool out of me before killing me off?_

She exhaled before reluctantly admitting, "Yeah."

Kai expected to hear the girl's heart shatter, it was a sound she was familiar with — similar to a tree being struck by lightning during a storm or a home crumbling in at its foundation. But she heard nothing, and the silence that lingered between the two of them was more haunting than the final looks on men's faces before she brought them to their demise.

"How did it happen?" Suki asked, and no part of Kai wanted to answer her.

"By accident."

Suki kept every bit of composure expected of a Kyoshi Warrior as she waited patiently for Kai to answer her question.

"Definitely not how that stupid play claims... We were just spending time together, trying to not feel so fucking broken after the Earth Kingdom fell and it just... happened. I'm sorry, there's no other way to describe it."

Kai wished Suki would speak. She turned her head and saw something more devastating that sadness glimmering in the girl's chestnut eyes — disappointment. She'd seen it enough times to recognize it on impact, from her father, from Jet.

"When did it end?"

The patrons around them began filing back into the theatre for the second part of the play, the intermission was over. Kai didn't care to see the rest of it, she didn't want to watch them paint her as a whore, and Suki couldn't bear to watch them reveal any more of Sokka's past lovers. Knowing that he'd dated the spirit of the moon was bad enough, how was she to compete with a deity?

"After the invasion." Kai said as she exhaled another puff of smoke, "Maybe even during it. Azula mentioned your name and Sokka was ready to die if it meant finding out where you were. Then I felt Zuko battling his father and..."

Kai's body tensed up as she realized the severity of what she would've done had she been allowed back into that volcano. This war would be just as far away from ending as it had been a hundred years ago if Sokka hadn't stopped her. The Earth Kingdom would've taken credit for one of their own nationals assassinating the Fire Lord, and they would have become the new tyrants.

"We both realized where our hearts were. It was over after that day."

She flicked the butt of the hand rolled cigarette over the railing and hoped that it'd catch fire, taking this whole building down with it.

"Why didn't you tell me, Kai?" Suki pleaded, and Kai turned to her with more raw, ugly honesty showing on her face than she'd ever allowed anyone to witness.

"Because you don't deserve to feel like you weren't enough. I know how that feels. I can't speak for why Sokka didn't tell you, but I didn't want you to feel like someone's second choice. _I_ was the second choice."

Their heads turned in unison as the iron door creaked open behind them, slamming against the wall. "Kai." Katara's voice said, her silhouette illuminated by the light inside, "The play started again, I think you need to see this."

"If they're claiming I've slept with anyone else, they're only being generous." Kai said.

She watched Katara step out onto the porch to hold the door open for them, "It's not that. It's the end. It's what they're predicting will happen... to you."

Kai's feet had never moved faster than when she was rushing through that auditorium. Suki and Katara were left in the dust, and she watched from the top of the tiered seats in horror at the show being put on in front of her.

Actress Kai stood at the peak of a rock formation as the comet passed over her head. Her hands were lifted dramatically in the air as she struggled to earth bend a mass heavier than one she'd ever manipulated before.

"I can't... I can't..." The actress grunted and real sweat formed on her brow.

She closed her eyes and where her lids had previously been painted jade green were now a dark, hollow, never ending black. She sunk to her knees and her arms went slack at her sides as her absent gaze stared in awe up at the comet.

Kai didn't know how they could have predicted this, but she recognized what was happening. The actress was portraying her sinking into the darkest depths of her own mind, dead to the world with something much more sinister rising to the surface. And that something was terrified of the heat, it was just as scared of fire as the monks likely had been before their deaths.

Actress Kai's hand reached slowly behind her back, calmly, as if it were an umbrella she was grasping for in the rain instead of a freshly sharpened sword. She gripped it by the plastic handle and the real Kai's palm covered her mouth in disbelief.

It disappeared behind the actress's hip and she made a pained grunt, then crumpled onto her side.

Seppuku. Tears washed over Kai's fingers.

Zuko's mouth was agape. He heard the meek gasp from rows above him and turned to see her standing there. Kai's legs mimicked that of a baby cat-deer, wobbly from bones that were still malleable. He hopped dozens of seats to get to her before she fell.

"It's just a play, it's not real." Zuko held her face in his hands to bring her back down from whatever train of thought she was riding on, "Talk to me, baby. Are you okay? Oh god, you don't look okay." He rambled.

Her eyes finally met his and through quivering lips Kai said, "I'm about to get sick."

Zuko pulled Kai back through the door and nearly knocked Katara off of her feet as he rushed past her and Suki. He kicked the restroom door open and ordered all of the patrons out, then locked the bolt behind them.

Zuko held her loose hair back as she vomited into a waste basket. He guided her to the ground so that her wobbly legs could indulge in a short break and he stroked her back through her fire nation garments. Kai's skin was warm to the touch. The ale she'd drank earlier burned her throat when it came back up and she continued vomiting even after her stomach was completely empty, causing her torso to contract painfully.

"Water." Kai croaked. Her voice was hoarse.

Zuko didn't have anything to carry water to her from the basin, so he cupped his hands together and filled up his palms, walking steadily over to her so it wouldn't spill. Kai drank from his hands, swishing the water around in her mouth and then spitting it into the trash. He did it again and again and the heat from her lips caused the water to steam as she sipped

"You're burning up, Kai." Zuko said. He pulled open the top few buttons of her dress and drenched his waist belt in the basin, draping it over her chest.

"It's the thing." Kai said breathlessly, motioning toward her sternum, and when Zuko's brow knitted together in confusion she grew irritated, "The _thing_! Inside of me." Her limbs felt like houses and her hands were limp and rolling around atop her wrist as she waved at her head, then her chest, then her abdomen. "Everywhere — it's everywhere."

She wasn't making sense, not to Zuko.

"Stay here." He said, and rushed back into the theatre for the others.

He got there just in time to see his own demise as well as Aang's, and he thought that he was going to get sick, too.

"I need your help." Zuko said, grabbing Sokka by the shoulder. "Kai's not okay."

Sokka looked to Suki for permission, and she nodded him off without a word. He followed Zuko and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. The play was almost over and the hallways were becoming crowded. Zuko was happy to see that Kai had gained some of her color back by the time they reached her again.

"What happened?" Sokka asked. He kneeled in front of her and lifted her chin, looking into her pupils as if he had a clue as to what he was doing. "Was it the thing?"

Kai nodded and pointed to the basin.

"What _thing_ are you guys talking about?!" Zuko shouted.

He ladled more water from his hands to Kai's mouth and, after she swallowed it, she said, "It has a name in the fire nation. Uh... oni, I think?"

Zuko stepped back, "What are you talking about?" He said, confused, "Oni aren't real. They're like the boogeyman, something parents tell their kids about to keep them from misbehaving."

Her arm draped with dead weight around Sokka's shoulders and he worked to lift her to her feet. "Well, this one's real. I've seen it in action."

Zuko held the door open for him and then navigated her hips so that her legs would limp the way they wanted her to go. The three of them joined the others behind the building, they'd use the path there to make their way back to Ozai's abandoned beach house.

Toph's voice echoed Kai's own name in her ears and her senses began coming back. Her eyes fluttered open and her double vision eased back into one that no longer made her dizzy and nauseous.

"I'm okay, Toph." Kai finally supported her own weight and the boys allowed her that independence. She pretended not to shiver as Toph and Suki approached her, but Toph could sense the brittleness of her bones. "Really, I am." She repeated. Toph reached for her hand and Kai denied her the luxury of being a human lie detector test.

"Was all of that... real? Is that what's going to happen?" Katara asked from Aang's side. She'd seen the worst of it — Zuko being burnt to a crisp by his sister, Aang being killed by the Fire Lord, as well as Kai's untimely demise.

Zuko snapped, "Of course not." and his hand slid protectively back around the small of Kai's waist.

He started down the path, trailing far ahead of the others. He didn't want them to come to her aid if anything happened. He didn't want Sokka to be the one helping her to her feet or holding her by the chin.

And though he claimed to not believe in any oni, he still kept his eye on the dark underbrush of the forests at either side.

* * *

Later that night, Zuko sat by the fireplace alone. Everyone else had gone to bed and whenever the flames died low enough that the late summer chill began to rustle his bones, he stoked it alive again.

"How's she doing?" Suki said. She joined him on the ground with a warm blanket wrapped tightly around her.

Zuko cut his eyes at the girl. He didn't know her, and he didn't feel she knew Kai well enough to be asking how she was. A monster had been born when he saw that actress portraying her death, one that went mad at the thought of anything threatening his girl. But the monster didn't know friend from foe, it just knew that it needed Kai to be safe.

"She fought sleep for a long time but she's out cold now." He said.

Suki kept her distance from the boy that'd once burnt her village to the ground. She took note of how different his fire burned now, how it was large but controlled instead of running rampant, singeing everything in its path. She'd noticed the change in Kai, too. The first time they'd met at the ferry to Ba Sing Se, that girl was bubbly and mischievous, and she was still that, but she was often in working mode these days. Like a steed that knows it's job is to pull the golden chariot, but it still enjoys stopping to indulge in a carrot or a frolic.

"That play wasn't what I expected.." Suki said.

"Sokka should've told you." He replied, just as sour as ever, and tossed another rolled up ball of parchment to its fiery demise.

But Zuko had never warned Kai either. He'd never mentioned Mai to Kai, or Kai to Mai before they both realized the other existed on their own. He thought about how distraught he would've been had Kai not told him about her relationship with Sokka on his first night back, how terribly they would've fought had he found out like Suki had tonight.

"You knew?" Suki asked.

Zuko nodded, "Kai told me the night I came back."

Suki sunk down in her seat, her shoulders slumped and her eyes met her lap and she felt like she was going to cry. For a moment she forgot that she wasn't wearing her uniform makeup so she pressed her fingers against her tear ducts to keep the salty solution from messing up the paint.

"Please don't cry." Zuko said and he finally looked over at the younger girl, "I mean, you have every right to be sad. But please don't cry, I don't know what to do when people cry around me."

A small but very real chuckle of laughter hiccuped from Suki's throat and she smiled. The threat of tears faded, but she was still left with a knot in her chest that she didn't know how to swallow.

"How did you get past it?" She asked, "I feel like I've been wronged somehow but I know that I haven't, I know that Sokka wouldn't have knowingly done something to hurt anyone."

Zuko was still trying to figure out the answer to that question for himself. He hadn't hated seeing his and Suki's significant others interact until today, when he couldn't quite understand what was wrong with Kai. The thought of the two of them going any further than a cupped chin or an arm around a shoulder made his stomach ache with jealousy. He kept telling himself that if he'd only been there with her he would've already known what was wrong, that he wouldn't have had to get Sokka to decipher her rambling for him.

"They took care of each other, Suki. That's not a realization that I've gotten past, but it's one that I can live with. I was alone for _three years_ until I met Kai." Zuko sucked in sharply and it stung to remember those years before he cut off his ponytail.

"Being secluded like this... it comes with a loneliness that I wouldn't wish on anyone, especially Kai or Sokka. Or anyone else in these tents, for that matter." He continued, "It makes you bitter... it makes you hateful. Those two already have a million reasons to be those things, but they just aren't. So if having found comfort in each other while they were waiting for us to come back is what stopped them from becoming as resentful as I used to be, then yeah, I can live with that."

Suki pulled her knees up to her chest for warmth. Her blanket and the fire did little to protect her boney kneecaps from the sharp wind of the nearby ocean that blew in through the windows. "I guess I didn't think about it like that." She said.

Zuko stood and roared the fire to life one last time. He didn't want to sit in this dusty, barren living room with this girl. He held no animosity toward Suki, but it was getting late and he would rather spend the remainder of his evening with his girlfriend. They didn't have many of them left, after all.

"Don't stay out here too long. It's not good to simmer on thoughts like this alone." He started back toward the guest room that held all the warmth he needed, stopping only to pick a little fun at Suki, "And I suggest you talk to Sokka about that stupid play _before_ you guys make use of anymore lambskins."

Suki rolled her eyes, her cheeks turned pink and Zuko pretended that it was because of the fire. "Goodnight, Zuko." She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im writing the last few chapters now and it’s hurting my heart that this will be ending soon.
> 
> Immediate sex scene next chapter because I’m a goblin for smut and had to sneak in some more NSFW before this all ends. 🙃🙃


	45. Kill Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Immediate NSFW~

Zuko enjoyed feeling the weight of Kai's leg draped over his shoulder. He enjoyed her fingers brushing through his hair as she held onto his locks and the way her hips rolled into him as she drew closer to the edge. He liked holding her waist against the thin mattress pad with one arm and digging his opposite hand into her thigh to hold her open as he devoured her. Zuko liked her taste. He liked to see the soft morning light wash over her summer tan when his eyes trailed up her body, only to find her hand covering her face, muffling her heavy breaths and soft moans that slipped out of her chest.

That was the only bit of homegrown shame Kai'd ever had. She didn't like people seeing her vulnerable, and here she was, in her most exposed state.

Zuko pulled his tongue away from her clit and trailed kisses over the spot where her thigh met her groin, he smiled upon hearing her sweet whine.

"Move your hand then." He said. And though his words sounded syrupy sweet to Kai, she knew it wasn't a suggestion.

She huffed and moved her hand down to her breast, cupping it while pulling him by the hair back between her legs. Ultimately, it was the way he watched her that sent Kai over the edge. His amber eyes peeked out from behind his overgrown bangs and watched her like she was his prey as his tongue lashed her clit mercilessly. When her head rolled back against the bed, Zuko held her tighter. When she writhed against his grip, he didn't let up. And when she tapped out, patting her hand against his shoulder to signal that her climax was becoming too much, he lapped between the folds of her cunt more slowly — dragging his tongue between her lips to ease her down gently.

Kai's chest heaved, shimmering with a thin layer of sweat as Zuko sat up between her legs. She was always a little giggly post climax and Zuko found it so adorable that sometimes he thought he'd burst from the immense love he held for this woman. He stroked himself as she caught her breath, lining kisses and love bites along her calves while lifting her legs onto his shoulders.

"You're being a little bossy this morning." Kai teased.

Zuko slid the head of his cock against her still sensitive clit and she gasped, earning a smirk from him. "I just like seeing your face, baby."

He pushed his cock inside of her with slow, shallow thrusts, wanting to make this last. Kai's legs fell around his hips and he fell with them, propping himself up with his forearm over her head as he crashed between her legs incessantly. Kai rode out the aftershocks of her orgasm by burying her face against his shoulder, she relished in his warm breath that carried his gravely moans to her ear.

His fingers dug into the dip of her waist, grinding his lap between her hips before he pulled out and spilled onto the sheets below them. His moans flooded Kai's senses and it made her want him again, all morning if he was up for it, but tiredness tugged at her eyelids.

Zuko stayed on top of her. He laid his head against her chest and dotted lazy kisses against her warm, dampened skin. The feeling of her fingers brushing through his hair nearly lulled him into a peaceful slumber, only to be disrupted by Kai tugging the sheet back over their naked bodies.

"I need to get up, Aang and I have to train today." He made no effort to follow through with his statement. His arms tightened around her waist and he nuzzled his face into her ribs.

Kai liked when Zuko allowed himself to become soft and malleable. She enjoyed admiring the lovesick, dazed look in his eyes that only surfaced late at night, early in the morning, or just after they'd made love. He may pretend to be the big bad wolf, but she knew him as a puppy in disguise, and those moments when he shed his mask were her favorite.

"But it's so early." She whined, and after a moment of sweet silence, whispered, "Stay with me, please."

Zuko moved up on the bed and brought the sheet with him, wrapping the two of them in it as he curled his body against her back. He wouldn't stay for long, only until she fell asleep. Kai knew that and she was fine with his absence when she didn't know that it existed. However, the days were growing shorter, their time together was coming to an end, and her heart ached sometimes when they were apart.

"What are you gonna do when this is all over?" Zuko asked.

She hesitated to answer, "You saw the play, Zuko."

"That play was a bunch of Fire Nation propaganda." He spat back, and then apologized with a kiss in her tangled hair, "I meant where do you plan on going?"

Kai hadn't felt the need to think about the days after the war ended, what use was there in fantasizing about a world that she didn't exist in? She didn't want to picture Zuko with Mai or Toph navigating this world on her own, it made her chest heavy with grief. And even if the fates had been completely wrong, if everyone that'd had a hand in her destiny had been misled, she didn't have a home to return to anyways.

If things went in their favor, Aang would be the world's avatar. He'd travel across the globe spreading peace and doing whatever it is avatars are obligated to do. Katara might go with him, or maybe she'd return to the South Pole with Sokka. Kai couldn't see Suki making a living in such a cold environment, but Kyoshi Island isn't that far of a trip to make. Zuko would return to his kingdom or maybe he'd go searching for his mother. And Toph, well she'd probably try to make peace with her parents. If that didn't work, surely the city of Omashu would welcome her with open arms.

And where did that leave Kai, she wondered. It seemed that there would be no room for her in any of her friends' lives if they weren't working toward a singular goal. She couldn't return to her father. Despite her understanding that he'd decided not to get close to her in an attempt to shield his own heart, she couldn't bring herself to forgive him for the abuse she'd suffered at his hand. And her mother, she barely knew the woman. Enya would never leave her shelter in the cliff, she'd shrivel up and die there — all alone, the memory of her becoming one of mere legends and lore of the Fire Nation.

"I haven't really thought about it." She lied.

Zuko's hand stroked her ribs methodically, it would put her to sleep in no time at all. "I want you with me." He said, and her chest seized up from the dull aching of her heart. "Or me with you, whichever. Wherever I am, I hope you're there with me."

A tear that Zuko couldn't see fell from her lashes. She wished he'd stop speaking. She wished that the two of them would lie in comfortable silence until she fell asleep, and that she wouldn't be forced to think about possibilities that now seemed so bleak.

"I hope so, too."

* * *

It was a commotion from the beach that woke Kai — a few screams, the whooshing of air and broken stalks of bamboo. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and tied her hair up, pulling her dress over her shoulders before strolling barefoot down the path to the ocean. What she saw there didn't surprise her; a distraught Sokka standing over a destroyed tower of sand and very confused Katara.

"What happened?" Kai asked with not much enthusiasm. She assumed Toph to be the assailant, and she was used to defending the mischievous girl.

"Zuko's gone crazy! I made a sand sculpture of Suki and he destroyed it!" He began hastily rebuilding the clumps of wet sand, "Oh, and he's attacking Aang."

She huffed with annoyance and gathered the rest of them up, leading the lot of teenagers back to the vacation home just in time to see Zuko blasting a hole in the roof with a wave of fire. He jumped into the house through the ceiling and Kai took the more conventional route, the front door. She couldn't see the boys, but she felt their hasty footsteps running from room to room. An airbended dresser was destroyed and another heat flash passed over her skin before she'd had enough.

A baby mountain appeared between the opponents, tall and thin and ripping through Zuko's family's home. The boys heard Kai's stern, booming voice bounce off of what was left of the hallway, "That's ENOUGH!" She shouted, and to Zuko she sounded exactly like his mother when she broke up his and Azula's sqwabbles.

They tucked their heads down in childlike shame and followed her down the front steps, where the rest of the gang waited.

"What's wrong with you? You could've hurt Aang." Katara asked. Unlike how she might have sounded before their solo trip, she was concerned about Zuko. She hadn't seen him exhibit that type of anger since long before they joined forces.

"What's wrong with _me_? What's wrong with all of you? How can you sit around having beach parties when Sozin's Comet is only three days away?"

Kai sat on the bottom porch step, waiting for the next argument that was bound to be produced. She tuned in for snippets of Aang and Sokka's conversation about waiting until after the comet to go for the Fire Lord, but she found no use in becoming too invested in that plan. The stars were scarcely wrong, she'd learned, and they wanted her dead. And according to that play, they wanted her to perish during the comet, so she knew that that was exactly what would happen.

But apparently no one had thought to let Zuko in on the plan.

"The whole point of fighting the Fire Lord before the Comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war, but they pretty much won the war when they took Ba Sing Se. Things can't get any worse." Katara told him.

"You're wrong." Zuko sat beside his girlfriend, "I know you're scared, and I know you're not ready to save the world, but if you don't defeat the Fire Lord before the Comet comes, there won't be a world left to save."

He told them about his day before the eclipse, when he was invited to sit by his father's right hand side during an important war meeting. He told them of Ozai's plan to carry out another genocide, one not unlike that of the Air Nomads one hundred years ago. Zuko reached for Kai's hand for strength as he spoke, and she pulled her fingers away from him as he spoke about how fire was scheduled to rain over her homeland and burn everything to the ground.

"I'm ashamed to say that I didn't speak out about this horrifying plan."

Toph sunk to her knees and with grief painted on her face, she looked blindly toward where Kai sat, "Our home... Our people..."

Kai walked over to the girl and stood up straight with her hands folded behind her back, much like her father used to, "Stand up." She said gently, though it was every bit of an order. Toph clenched her teeth and did as she was told, soon feeling Kai's hands grip her shoulders. "We are the two greatest earth benders in the world. Our people will be fine."

Aang stood next to them holding his head in his hands, mumbling repeatedly about how this was bad, this was really, really bad. Toph reached for his hand then, squeezing it probably harder than he was comfortable with. "You don't have to do this alone." She told him, and the others closed in.

Aang looked at the faces of each of his friends, those whom he now considered family. They represented all walks of life, bender and non bender, each and every element.

"Fighting the Fire Lord is going to be the hardest thing we've ever done together, but I wouldn't want to do it any other way."

The six of them wrapped him up in a hug. Everyone besides Zuko, who still sat with his eyes cast down in shame on the front porch steps.

"Come on." Kai said with her hand stretched out, "Being part of the group also means being part of group hugs."

Zuko smiled sheepishly and joined the lot of them, wrapping his lanky arms around half of the circle they'd formed, wanting never to let go of these people that he'd made a home with.

* * *

Toph and Kai wandered far enough inland that they wouldn't run the risk hurting anyone while training. They found a cliffside to stop at that was free of any tourists or voyeurs who might identify them as earth benders. Kai looked over the horizon at the sun that sat midway up in the sky.

"Why couldn't we train with Zuko and Aang?" Toph asked.

"Because they're fire bending. We aren't fire benders." Kai replied, "And I'm afraid we'll hurt them. I need to teach you one last technique before the Comet."

Toph grew giddy with excitement. She hadn't had a one-on-one training session with Kai in years and up until now, she hadn't needed one.

"Ooo, what is it?? Are you gonna teach me to bone bend?" Toph asked, "Oh! Is it how to cause an earthquake?!"

Kai laughed, "You can already do all of those things, you just haven't tried."

She plopped down in the grass and began to rake up a small square in the weeds until it was nothing but cool dirt against her fingers. She dug that up too, it mashed under her nails and she could feel it's heartbeat, as if it were alive, as if Mother Earth was begging her for salvation.

"Hold out your hand." Kai said, and Toph followed. Her palm was filled up with dirt that slipped through the spaces in her fingers before she closed them. "Now pack it in."

Toph folded the dirt into itself with her bending, forming an almost perfect sphere.

"Make it cylindrical and bring the end to a point, make it sharp enough to pierce through Sokka's hard skull."

The girl focused. She moved her hands over the dirt to get a reading of its map. It condensed tighter, maybe to half of its original size, and curved together in all the right places. Kai looked at it once Toph stopped fidgeting and decided that it still wasn't good enough.

"Focus, Toph. Focus all of your energy. This is a living organism, it's just as alive as you and I and one day, the two of us will be a part of it as well." She closed Toph's palm around the compact of earth. "You need to make this dirt as rock solid and impenetrable as you are. Close your mind's eye."

Toph's face went slack as she zeroed in on the mound in her hand. She felt it moving, wriggling around as if what Kai said were true, it was alive. It was alive and Toph could feel its heart beating in time with her own. It's roughness smoothed in her palm and warmed as it grew smaller, more dense.

When she came back to her senses, what was now a rock no longer sat lifeless in her hand. It hovered just above her fingers, sharp as a razor and smooth as obsidian.

"Rock bullets." Kai said with a smile on her face, "They're discreet and deadly, but they're a coward's weapon."

"Why did you teach me then? We aren't cowards."

Kai stood and formed three bullets of her own. "Because there's no shame in having a way out, especially when we're about to put our lives on the line."

She tossed the three bullets to Toph and ran fifty meters away, shouting, "Now shoot me!"

"What??" Toph asked.

"Shoot! Me! This isn't like bending a freakin' boulder, you have to be precise. Kill shots only, head and heart. Go for it."

Toph stood, but she hesitated. And in her moment of hesitation she heard what sounded like a wasp buzz past her ear, only it had enough weight and speed that it sent her bangs whooshing across her forehead.

Kai looked on at her with a sternness she'd inherited from her father. "I said _shoot me_ _,_ Toph. The next time you hesitate, I won't miss."

The young girl stood her ground. She positioned her feet and took a fighting stance, levitating the bullet she'd built in the air. It whizzed through the space between them and in a second, was covered in trace amounts of blood.

"Not bad, but you can do better." Kai said. She leaned down and grazed her thigh, feeling the hot liquid that dripped from the graze.

"Why didn't you stop it?!" Toph yelled in horror. She'd just _shot_ her best friend!

"If I thought you were going to deliver a kill shot, or even anything that would've hurt a little, I would have." She stole a slab of rock from a nearby boulder, using it as a makeshift shield as she darted across the clearing, "Now come on! Try again!"

Toph kept her ground and shot at her again, she heard the dull clanking of rock against rock as the two surfaces met and knew that she'd made her mark.

The two girls spent hours like that, frolicking about like mad women as they shot at each other. When they were children, they'd played a more innocent form of this game — tag — it came without the repercussions of an ended life or a nearly fatal wound, but this was much more fun. Toph didn't opt for a shield because she knew that Kai wouldn't send her a bullet that would land.

Kai gasped once, when she almost missed a bullet that was barreling straight toward her head. She'd been too blinded by tears of laughter to see it coming until it had nearly struck her right between the eyes, and then it turned on a dime and hurdled back toward its master.

"You almost got me that time! Good job!"

The girls were left with plenty of graze wounds, ones that would swell up and then turn purple because they'd refuse to let Katara treat them. For a while, they were able to feel like children again — ones who, when together, forgot all about their miserable home lives. Ones who forgot that one of them had a date with the angel of death. Ones who weren't fighting the war of grown men.

The others joined them at some point. Sokka carried under his arm a scarecrow of some sort with a melon for a head. "Melon Lord, comin' through!" He shouted at the two earth benders, who were basting in the sun and putting pressure on their wounds to stop the bleeding.

He stuck the stake in the ground at the edge of the overlook. "In order to take out the Fire Lord our timing has to be perfect. First, Suki and I will draw his fire. Then, Katara and Zuko charge in with some liquidy hot offense, and while Melon Lord is distracted, Aang swoops in and BAM! He delivers the final blow!"

"What about us?" Toph asked

"Toph, you're the Melon Lord's forces. You get to shoot flaming rocks at all of us. Kai, you're the only one who was officially trained for this mission, so you're here to criticize us."

Kai smiled, "It's what I'm best at."

They all took their positions. Toph stood near the scarecrow behind a row of boulders coated in grease, in front of the rocks sat a bowl of fire. Kai mapped the field in her head, tracing all five of them simultaneously. She gave the signal and suddenly, they were in motion. Sokka and Suki darted toward the Melon Lord, taking out two stone soldiers created by Toph. Toph was an exceptional villain, she sent the boulder flying their way, which Kai wafted out of their path last minute.

"Good aim, Toph, but watch it." Kai said.

"I am not Toph, I am Melon Lord!" She shouted back, followed by a maniacal laugh that was a bit too believable.

Toph lit the second boulder and shot it toward Katara and Zuko. They avoided it better than Sokka but found themselves surrounded by stone soldiers.

"Now, Aang!" Sokka shouted, and the avatar soared through the sky on his air glider. He landed and raised the staff over his head, ready to attack.

But he stopped short. Aang came close to beating the melon in with his weapon, but he held it midair, staring at the scarecrow with uncertainty, and then he backed away.

Zuko and Sokka chastised Aang for not taking the kill shot. They told him that if this were the real deal, he'd be full of lightning by now. And they were right, Kai thought as she stomped toward them from her spot at the coach's corner. She drew her blades, which she rarely got to use these days, and they made a sharp, metallic sound as she slid them against each other that made Suki's teeth ache.

Kai sliced through the melon with one strike. It fell in two halves off of the Melon Lord's shoulder.

"There, that's how it's done." She glared at Aang before walking back home.

* * *

The gang shared a meal on the front porch that night. Kai and Katara had been searching the attic for pots and pans when they found a box of heirlooms that might suggest the royal family were real people with actual souls. It'd been tucked far into the back corner, draped with a sheet and covered in dust. Inside of it were photos, one of which tugged at Kai's heartstrings.

She pulled it out of her robe after Katara handed her and Zuko their bowls. "Look what I found up in the attic." Kai said. "Is that you?"

Zuko glanced at the photo briefly and then darted his eyes away. It was a baby picture of his father that used to hang in one of the hallways. His mother had always insisted in displaying as many photos as possible, and even though Lord Ozai hated them all, he gave in to her wishes. This was just their vacation home after all, it's not like any nobility would ever see them.

"It's my father." He responded. "Can you believe that little kid grew up to be a monster? Not to mention the worst father in history."

Aang looked over at the photo and he didn't see this monster that Zuko spoke of at all. All he saw was a sweet, innocent child. A child that he was supposed to cast into the afterlife.

"He's still a human being." Aang mumbled.

"You're going to defend him?" Zuko spat, glaring at the boy.

The group listened to the two of them bicker back and forth. Aang offered half hearted suggestions for non-lethal ways to take down the Fire Lord, and Zuko mocked him in return with sarcasm and passive aggression. Sokka and Kai tried to hold in laughter when he suggested showing Ozai his own baby photos and pictures of his family, things that Zuko knew he cared nothing about, but it was to no avail. Their childish giggles angered Aang and he paced the porch back and forth.

"This isn't a joke, guys! None of you understand the position I'm in! This goes against everything I learned from the monks, I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like! What about you?!" Aang shouted with a finger pointed at Kai, "YOU were supposed to kill the Fire Lord and you couldn't do it either!"

Aang stormed away with clenched fists.

Kai rolled up the photograph and stuffed it back into her dress, and Zuko, noticing that she was about to go after him, placed a comforting hand on her knee. "Let him go. He needs to sort this out on his own."

She sighed and pushed the bowl of soup away from her. Her appetite was gone. "He's right. I should've just killed Ozai when my dad wanted me to... It would've saved him the trouble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if anyone really still care about this story, but three more chapters, guys!


	46. King Kai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long and NSFW (:

"Well, we found his footsteps on the beach, but they just led to the edge of the water. He isn't here." Kai said as she walked beside Toph back up to the beach house to join the others.

They'd woken up ready to make their departure and upon loading up Appa's saddle, realized that their most important luggage was nowhere to be found — Aang.

The gang spent the earlier hours of the afternoon searching the immediate area, then decided to split up and search the rest of Ember Island. Toph and Kai combed the beach, Suki and Katara went into town and the two boys flew Appa to get an aerial view. Nothing. They'd thrown around ideas of him being captured or going into the spirit world, but his body wasn't sitting peacefully in the sand and there were no signs of a struggle.

Now that they were all back together, they realized that Momo was missing too, and that he'd left his staff behind as well.

"And you're _sure_ he didn't bury himself under Appa's pile of hay?" Sokka asked Kai.

"I know how to stomp around on some dead grass, Sokka." Kai replied, "Like I said, he isn't here. He isn't _anywhere_ on this island. If he were, I'd be able to read his body map from a mile away."

Katara shuffled her feet in the dirt from worry. "What should we do, Zuko?"

They all turned their attention to him.

"I don't know. Why are you all looking at _me_?" He said with his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

Kai shrugged, "You're the Aang tracking expert, babe. If anyone's got experience in hunting the avatar, it's you."

Zuko didn't know where to begin without his ships, telescopes, or maps. Even in Ba Sing Se the only reason he'd found Appa was because of the fliers _they_ had put up around town.

But he knew someone that didn't needa lucky lead to get the job done, they could sniff it out all on their own.

~

They flew along the coast of Earth Kingdom territory on Appa's back. Wind whipped Kai's braid around her shoulder as she peered out over the edge of the saddle, still enamored by the waves below. Sokka kept a close eye on her from Zuko's side then, and Toph remained glued to her hip, both from fear that she would sacrifice herself to the insatiable ocean once again. She was just gazing though, daydreaming of all the things she would do differently next time around.

They landed in a village that Kai recognized immediately. She'd spent quite some time wandering in and out of this nameless little town. It didn't have much more to it than the one she'd met Zuko in; a butcher, a seamstress and shoe cobbler duo, and a tavern.

Oh, _the tavern_. She remembered their whiskey, how they aged it in the basement and kept it stored on ice so that it was smoother going down. And she remembered the assassins, because this was where they usually met their commissioners after being hooked up through the network. The tavern was seedy enough that everyone knew why two men would be sitting at a back corner table alone, but they all had their own skeletons in the closet, so they'd never spill a word.

Kai supposed that was why this bar was named _The Bitter Alibi_.

"And the reason you brought us to a seedy Earth Kingdom tavern is... what now?" Katara asked, thoroughly confused.

"I know _exactly_ why he brought us here." Kai said, giddy with excitement as she hopped down from the bison.

Kai all but kicked the door to the tavern in and loud, lively music spilled into the atmosphere outside. She heard the raucous crowd before seeing them, it was chalk full of burly men covered in tattoos, ones with biceps as big as her head and swigging whiskey like she hoped to one day be able to.

She pointed her finger at a thin woman with long, dark hair and equally as dark eye makeup, "June!" Kai shouted over the hoots and hollers of men.

"How do you know—" Zuko started but never got the chance to finish his inquiry.

The shot glass June had been holding stopped midair, it'd been well on its way to her lips before her attention was diverted. But much like Kia, June was always surveying the scene around her. The strange woman glanced at her old acquaintance for only a moment before a thug lunged toward her. June hooked her ankle around the back of his head and brought him to the sticky floor, using him as a footrest. Another came after her with an array of punches, and she dodged every one, all while sipping her shot slowly instead of taking it straight.

Finally, June pulled the second assailant down onto the table belly first, tying his wrist to the leg and then stealing the pitcher he'd just ordered, claiming it as her prize.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." June said as her hips swayed out the door with the group. "What the hell are you doing back here?" She asked Kai, though the question really could've been directed at any of these familiar faces.

"I'm looking for a friend." Kai said.

"You found one, sweetheart. Bring it in."

The two women embraced in a hug so tight that onlookers believed it might turn into a wrestling match. But they would've never, because that would likely mean spilling the pitcher of beer June was holding.

"Don't tell me you ended up with Prince Pouty over there." June said purposefully loud enough for the others to hear. She winked at Zuko and then went into hysterics after Kai whispered something to her that was unfit for virgin ears.

"What happened to the assassin network not having yearly reunions?" Sokka asked with his eyebrow cocked and hands on his hips inquisitively.

June kept her arm slung over Kai's shoulders as she turned to face the others. They'd traveled together for quite some time, those two, having gotten along swimmingly in this very tavern they stood outside of now.

"If they did, we were too busy collecting bounties to attend. Peaches here rolled with me for a few months while I was tracking down soldiers that went awol. Never could find another companion that kneecapped thugs as well as this one."

Kai feigned wholesome adoration and batted her eyes, "You really know how to flatter a girl, Junebug."

Zuko all but steamed at the ears over the sight of Kai hanging onto someone else's waist. "If you two are almost done _flirting_ , we need help finding the avatar."

He heard the woman yawn before declaring that his proposition didn't sound like much fun to her, and this time steam really did pour out of his ears. "Does the end of the world sound like more fun?!" Zuko growled.

June rolled her eyes. She passed the pitcher to Kai, who helped herself to a hefting gulp of the beer inside of it, then led them into the forest behind the tavern. There they found Appa and Nyla snout to snout, teeth showing and lips snarling as they waited for the other to attack first.

"Nyla!" June called out, and tossed the shirshou a cut of red meat. The beast calmed after that and swallowed it whole, welcoming it's master's loving hand. "All right, who's got something with the avatar's scent on it?"

Aang's staff was all they'd brought with them and Nyla sniffed it all over with greed. She led them in circles under the night sky. Literal circles, barely leaving the small clearing the gang had found her in. After a while, she lay down and covered her snout in shame.

"Looks like your friend's gone, kiddo." June said, mostly to Kai.

"We know he's gone. That's why we're trying to find him." Toph replied.

"No, I mean he's _gone_ gone. He doesn't exist. Even if he were dead, Nyla would still be able to find his body."

Zuko mumbled something under his breath in his regular sour tone about June being no help at all, to which Kai elbowed him in the ribs and whispered, "You're the one who brought us here, _Prince Pouty_. Now sweeten up."

The blow jarred something in Zuko's memory. Maybe they couldn't find Aang, but perhaps they could find the only other person that could help them bring down the Fire Lord. "Wait, I have another idea!"

He climbed onto Appa's saddle and rummaged through what sparse belongings he'd hastily packed before leaving home. The stench of what he was looking for told him that he was close before his hand actually grazed the item.

Zuko tossed the old, sweaty sandal of Iroh's onto the ground in front of Nyla's snout.

"You carry around one of your uncle's old shoes?" Sokka asked while holding his nostrils shut.

Nyla picked up on the putrid smell immediately and began itching to break free from her handler's grip.

"Let's do this." June hopped onto the shirshou's back and took off.

The others joined behind her on Appa, ripping through trees as he soared off of the ground. He followed Nyla over a hill and off of a cliff, dipping down near the earth and flying beside her as she galloped through the stinging nighttime air. What she brought them to an hour later held sour memories for the gang, it was the destroyed outer wall of Ba Sing Se. Nyla was yanked to a halt amongst the rubble by June, though she continued pawing relentlessly in an attempt to get to the other side.

"Your uncle's somewhere beyond the wall. Nyla's getting twitchy so he can't be too far." June led her steed away from the rocks and past the group. She wouldn't be joining them beyond the wall, it put Iroh at risk of being paralyzed by the shirshou's lashing tongue. June stopped at Kai and Zuko's side, nodding to the girl, knowing that their paths would cross again someday. "Good luck, Kai."

After convincing Appa that the hole in the wall was indeed _not_ a tunnel, they continued their journey on foot. It was too late in the evening for Sokka to rely on his eyes for guidance, so Toph took his spot as head of the pack. Like Nyla, she'd caught a hunch to where they'd find Iroh. She could sense it with every step she took, there was a camp just a few miles ahead amongst the rolling hills that'd been used for livestock before this city fell. Katara stood beside her as defense in case there were any Fire Nation troops stationed nearby, and Sokka and Suki walked behind them.

Zuko lagged behind with Kai. Far enough behind that the two of them could only see the others when they were blessed with the perfect combination of unobstructed view and moonlight.

Kai knew what was causing Zuko to tread so lightly through this now foreign land. The only thing keeping him moving was the weight of her hand in his, tugging him along gently as his feet kicked up dust from the painfully dry summer being left behind.

"He's gonna be happy to see you." She said, but he continued to cast his eyes down for some time.

"I said so many bad things to him, Kai... I betrayed him for a man that doesn't even deserve to be called a father."

She'd visited Iroh, back when he was locked away in that iron fortress. Kai had never told Zuko how all his uncle asked about was him, and it had made her sour at the time of its happening. Now she was excited to see their reunion, she was excited to be joined again with a man that'd made himself into a father figure for all children that didn't have one — including Zuko, including herself.

"You're his son." Kai said, finally gaining his attention enough for his chin to rise. "Maybe not by blood, but you are his son. And you've done right by him. You found yourself and have made amends that should have the Fire Lord shaking in his boots, I think Iroh would be proud of that."

Zuko brought the back of her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. His feet moved with a bit more pep now as he pulled her up the steep hillside that Toph had them all climbing.

"Who did you consider your father growing up? I mean, obviously not your _real_ dad. He sounds just as shitty as mine..." he asked.

There was no second thought about it. "Bumi."

Kai felt a lightheadedness sink into her brain after weeks of being able to push him out of her mind. It'd hurt to think of him ever since leaving home. Even with Iroh's kind words of how Bumi had supposedly considered her his own, she couldn't help but to feel guilty for wasting so much of his talent.

"He was my earth bending master on base, I spent more time with him than anyone. When my dad didn't want me to learn anything besides how to kill, he made sure I knew how to do the things no one thinks about — like washing clothes or appreciating poetry." Kai felt a knot swell up in her chest. Her mouth became dry. "Honestly... I'm afraid that he doesn't feel the same way."

Kai and Zuko crested the hillside. They were being waited on.

"Nice of you to finally show up!" A maniacal burst of hiccuping laughter chased after the statement, spoken in a voice equally as deranged but full of unapologetic life.

And Kai turned as if in slow motion with eyes wide and her hand falling out of Zuko's grip.

For the first time since leaving home, she came face to face with King Bumi. Suddenly, she was fourteen years old again. Kai felt inches shorter and felt the weight of baby fat hanging off of her cheeks. Her hand moved to cover her mouth so that he wouldn't see her chin wrinkle from the threat of a pouty lip, but her legs began to tingle as if all of the earth's gravity had zeroed in on her completely.

She fell to her knees, rocks jabbing her in the shin as she placed her fist against her open palm and lowered her head out of respect.

"Is that how I taught you to greet me?" Bumi shouted in his natural over-the-top tone. He could've been truly asking and Kai wouldn't have known the difference between his cruel sarcasm and honesty. His shadow bled onto her stooped form and she remained with her eyes cast down, terrified of the rejection she might see in his face.

Bumi's voice softened an uncharacteristic amount as he approached the girl and said, "It's been an eternity without you, my dear. Don't make an old man beg for a hug."

She was forced to her feet by the upshifting of earth and like two magnets, the pair collided with enough force to knock this planet off of its axis. Kai sobbed. She sobbed for various reasons; happiness, shame, guilt. You name it, there was a tear shed for it. But Bumi was elated to wear those tears on his tunic sleeve. He held the girl up off of ground, gripping her just as tight as she was him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry_." Kai cried out, her words dying in his shirt. Her tears brought a wild smile to Bumi's face, one that only the rest of the gang and the other masters of the elements could see. They sounded just the same as the day she was born — he would know, because he had been there. Bumi was the first to hold her, still covered in blood and squalling after being thrust into such a selfish world. Her cries were a relief now just as they had been then because they meant that she was alive.

Bumi composed himself, it wasn't like him to outwardly show this much genuine emotion. He did not respond to Kai's needless apologies, instead he patted her back gingerly, letting her know that he was here, and then stood her up on her feet.

Kai sniffled her running nose and wiped her face that was flooded with tears. Bumi had always allowed her to cry when she needed to while growing up, unlike her father, but the catch was that she had to explain the reason for her tears. She didn't want to do that now, she didn't want to have this conversation in front of everyone that she loved.

Sokka and Katara were greeting a man that the rest of them did not recognize, a man named Pakku. Kai hazily heard Sokka address him as Gramp-Gramp and Grand-Pakku. That dialogue floated past her, barely making a dent in her very clouded mind. She and Sokka bowed for Master Piandao and then for another man named Jeong-Jeong, who was introduced as Aang's first fire bending teacher.

"So, wait, how do you all know each other?" Suki asked, motioning between the four old men.

"The Order of the White Lotus." Zuko said. He stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on Kai's back. She turned toward him and her eyes were bloodshot, cheeks flushed, but she grinned. Kai lit up and it made Zuko both blossom inside and then wither all at once over the fear that his reunion wouldn't be quite as climactic as her's.

"We're all part of the same ancient secret society. A group that transcends the divisions of the four nations. The White Lotus has always been about philosophy and beauty and truth. But about a month ago, a call went out that we were needed for something important." Jeong-Jeong said.

"It came from a Grand Lotus." Pakku turned his attention to Zuko, "Your uncle, Iroh of the Fire Nation."

Air filled Zuko's lungs in an apprehensive gasp. He was too excited and terrified to speak, so Kai did it for him. "That's who we're here to see." She said.

Piandao nodded, tucking his hands into his sleeves, "We'll take you to him."

~

Zuko and Kai stood hand in hand outside of a tent that Piandao had led them to, the older man standing a distance away to grant them some level of privacy in the camp.

"You're ready for this." Kai told him. Her eyes were on him, but his were glued to the opening of the tent. They represented two things to Zuko — The gates to either Heaven or Hell.

"I don't think I am." Zuko said.

Kai placed her hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, needed every bit of love and encouragement she was willing to offer. Zuko turned to face her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest in a hug not quite as suffocating as Bumi's had been.

"Are you sorry for what you did, Zuko?" She asked him.

With his face buried against her neck he replied, "More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life."

She pulled away but only slightly, Zuko wouldn't let her stray too far. Kai kissed his cheek, "Then he'll forgive you."

Zuko sucked in a deep breath of air and out of the corner of his eye saw a towering figure entering another nearby tent. He only caught the tail end of the silhouette, but he knew who it was. The tent was unlike the others, made of stone that was far too heavy for the other masters to lift. A fire burned inside, casting light onto the world outside that was swallowed up by darkness.

"Go talk to Bumi." He said, and a spark of fear ignited in the girl's translucent irises.

"He didn't say anything to me after we hugged." Kai said, her voice shaking. "Besides, I'm not like you. I can't bring myself to be sorry for what I did."

"You're right, you aren't like me." Zuko held her at arm's length, steadying her small frame with his hands on her shoulders. "You're _stronger_. You stuck to your guns when you were told to do something you didn't want to do and, some-fucking-how, never lost yourself along the way. So if I can be strong enough to go talk to my uncle, you're definitely strong enough to speak with Bumi."

He kissed her then, breathing the courage back into her that she'd shared with him. Kai stroked her hand down his forearm and, though she was trembling, she knew he was right.

It was time — long past time.

They parted and she watched Zuko disappear through the tent flap, then glanced at Piandao, who nodded at her. This was the right thing to do.

The canyons where she'd once suffered never looked as menacing as the open door frame of that stone structure. Aromatic scents of sweet peppermint drifted out of it with the light smoke of the fire inside.

Bumi wanted her there. They'd always sipped peppermint tea to end their training week. In her younger years she'd only liked it because of the cool menthol feeling it left in her mouth, now she avoided it. It didn't make her feel nostalgic like training with Toph did, it just hurt.

Kai dipped her head inside of the structure without knocking. Bumi sat next to the small fire, it was only big enough for the kettle being warmed over it.

"Am I interrupting something?" She asked hesitantly.

"You tell me." Bumi responded as he poured the liquid into two cups. "Do you think I'd set out two teacups just for myself?"

She held her head high as she sat across from him, but all she really wanted to do was apologize again. The two of them sipped the liquid obnoxiously loud.

"Now that's not how I taught you how to sip tea!" Bumi declared, then slurped his own even louder.

It was a challenge that Kai was up for.

She pursed her lips and the liquid bubbled against the rim, filling her sinuses with steam. Bumi took his turn and his eyes bulged like a croaking bullfrog as he slurped, causing Kai to laugh. Tea spilled out of her mouth, falling onto her lap as she giggled and Bumi followed in suit.

Bumi set down his teacup and took Kai's from her hand as she wiped her face clean.

"Are you ready to tell me what all that 'sorry' nonsense was about?" He asked.

Kai hadn't expected to get out of that one. And she felt better now that the two of them had had a good laugh, or maybe it was the tea. Now that she was older she understood that he'd only served it to her because it calms her nerves.

"You wasted so much time on me..." Kai said with an exasperated sigh, "Fourteen years of your time, and how did I repay you? By falling in love with one of the very people you were preparing me to kill."

"My dear, no time is wasted when you're having fun!" He said, then laughed. "Besides, the only thing I was preparing you for was to follow in my footsteps — as a king! King Kai of the Earth Kingdom. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Kai's face twisted in confusion. Had he slipped something a little stronger than tea in his own cup? Was he finally falling all the way off of his rocker?

"Master Bumi, I'm trying to apologize for disappointing you and you're talking nonsense."

"Ah, ah, ah!" He shouted. "And what _I'm_ saying is that your apologies are pointless!"

Bumi poured them each another cup of tea for actual drinking this time as opposed to just breaking the ice.

"I know you think that you have a fate — and you do. You have multiple, I'm sure! Your father told me of one before you were born in hopes that I would take you on as my student. But do you know what _really_ brought us together, Kai?"

Kai waited eagerly for him to continue.

"I was there when you were born. The midwives handed you over to me and screamed like a big baby!" He broke with ironic laughter. "And you were so _warm_. You had fire hotter than the sun rushing through your veins, power at your fingertips that could've snuffed me out even then. You were a fire bender, like your dear mother, I just knew it."

Kai opened her mouth to object but he wouldn't allow such a thing before his point was made.

"When you finally shut up, you looked at me and I saw galaxies exploding in those pretty eyes of yours. I saw planets being ripped apart and tides flooding entire territories — all because you willed them to. You, my dear child, were born a fire bender. But just like you have the power to change your fate, you had the power to choose which parent you wanted to follow after. I felt your tiny body go cold after that as earth pushed all the heat out. _You_ did that. You chose your fate then just as you chose to not kill the royal family."

"I'd be lying if I said that destroying everything hasn't seemed like the best option a time or two." Kai said.

"That's the catch!" Bumi slurped his tea. "You were born a weapon and then told to find a new occupation! My dear, a spear can be used as a walking stick, but that does not change its nature. All those times you wanted to rip the world apart, you didn't. Simple as that."

Kai stared down into the cup of golden liquid, her own reflection looking back at her. For the first time in a long while, she recognized the girl on the other side of the glass. She had untamed hair and eyes full of so much will that it was scary, a scar through her eyebrow that reminded her just how strong she was. But she also had chewed raw lips from years upon years of unfathomable anger.

"One day your father brought you back from the canyons and you locked yourself in your room for a week—" Bumi started and Kai waved her hand up for him to spare her the details. She remembered that particular beating well enough. "I went to your father's study ready to bury him, my dear, all for you. But I knew that it wasn't the right time for him to suffer. I told him, 'That girl is going to be the death of you, and I hope I'm there to watch!'. He said that if his daughter ever grew strong enough to kill him then he wouldn't have died in vain."

Kai folded her knees up to her chest as if she were listening to a campfire story or some sort of fucked up bedtime tale. "What'd you say back?" She asked.

Bumi smiled. "I told him that you weren't his daughter, you were mine. And that if he ever addressed you as such again I'd make his kneecaps burst out of his eye sockets."

A smile wide enough to tear her cheeks open spread across Kai's face.

That was all she'd wanted — a family. She'd made one for herself these past few months, with Zuko and Toph and all of the others.

The pair stood and Kai caught Bumi in another hug, one that almost knocked him off of his feet. He embraced her like a father should his daughter, with acceptance and love.

"You could have never disappointed me, my child. You have always followed your own path, and for that I am thankful."

Bumi pulled away from her and showed her out the door, pointing her in the direction of the oversized structure that she and Zuko would share for the night.

"Tomorrow we train harder than ever before, and after that, you will be King."

* * *

Suki and Sokka screamed in unison, tearing their half clothed bodies away from each other as the flap of the tent was pushed open and they were joined by an intruder. Zuko paid them no mind. He glanced around the room frantically, eyeing Sokka's nap sack before grabbing it as if it belonged to him.

"What are you doing?!" Sokka shouted, utterly confused and a little concerned.

"Lambskins." Zuko said, tearing the contents of the burlap bag out. "Can I borrow one?"

Suki's palm hit her face and Sokka breathed a sigh of relief. "There's a secret pocket in the back." He said.

Zuko felt the thin material meet his fingers and tossed the bag down, shoving the condom into his pocket.

He left the couple without saying goodbye and raced toward his tent. It was similar to Bumi's, made of stone. His Uncle had pointed it out to him after their long, tearful talk. The reunion had left him feeling so utterly grateful for all that he was blessed with, so thankful that Kai had pushed him into talking to Iroh.

He tried to regain composure before entering through the door, tried to still his racing heart and wipe the sweat from his brow, but his smile would give everything away. That was something that he couldn't bury, it just didn't seem to budge.

Kai was undressing when he entered. The low light cast shadows on the dip on her waist and curve of her neck, it illuminated her spine. Zuko watched her then as she folded her dress neatly and set it on the ground. She strained when she bent over from years of abuse being done to her body — the damage done at the hand of her father, sleeping on uneven tree limbs when she had nowhere else to go. He walked quietly toward her and pressed his fingers against the darkest mark.

Kai gasped before she recognized the warmth in his fingertips, then relief flooded her. She'd been filled with too much sheer happiness to anticipate Zuko's presence. His fingers brushed her skin and she could read every single print stamped onto them.

"How are you always right?" He asked, leaning down to press his cheek against her shoulder.

She smiled. Zuko wrapped his hand around to her stomach, stroking his thumb over her navel. He pressed a kiss into her neck, exhaling warm air onto her cool skin and causing every hair to stand on end.

"I take it things went well." Kai said.

He nodded and trailed kisses over her shoulder, down her shoulder blade and to the top of her spine. Kai's breath hitched in her throat. Her muscles tensed up and she grew stiff under his touch.

"Zuko... my scars—"

"Are beautiful. They're a part of you, they're perfect." He said, kissing the few that his lips could easily reach.

Zuko's teeth grazed Kai's skin. He heard a soft sigh escape her lips and he wanted that breath, he wanted it against his lips and to fill his lungs with life. His hand cupped her face, tilting her head back and leaning his forehead against her own. He wanted to hear her speak those three words that he'd once had to pry out of her, he wanted to know that they were true and that they would continue to be true after all of this was over.

"I want you everyday, Kai." Zuko said. His nose brushed against hers as their faces turned to fit each other's. His breath lingered on her lips for only a moment before Kai kissed him, they were rough and gluttonous against her own. Kai turned in his grip, pressing her binder clad breasts against his chest.

"Everyday?" She asked, and Zuko nodded through their kiss.

"Right now?" Kai asked again.

He rolled his hips, pressing his half hard cock against her stomach. Kai moaned into his mouth and Zuko felt his insides melt. He would've given her anything she asked, he thought, done everythingin his power to insure that she would be his for eternity.

"Fuck, your _sounds_." He groaned, pawing at her waist, sliding his hands over her ass and gripping her harder than he had before.

Zuko picked her up, wrapping her legs around him and for once, Kai felt light as air. She no longer had this rock solid mass sitting in her chest, the burden of never being enough that she'd deposited there herself so long ago. He kissed her like her was starving for her flesh, tongue rolling against hers and teeth pulling at her lip. Kai was so happy to feed him.

He laid their bodies down on the cot they were expected to share, side by side, as equals. Her legs hooker over his hips and pressing her core against his. Zuko tugged at her binder to free her breasts and ran his thumb over her stiff nipple.

Kai inhaled sharply.

"Do you like that?" He asked, tweaking it between his thumb and index finger. "Tell me, baby. I want to know what you need."

She kissed down his throat, resisting the primal instinct to sink her teeth into him. "God, _yes_."

Zuko pulled his tunic over his head. He wouldn't be able to find it the next day, but for now he needed her skin against his own, as close as humanly possible. He kissed down her chest and took her nipple into his mouth, toying with it between his teeth and then sucking gently to draw the dull pain out. His hand roamed further down, pressing against the jut of her hip bones and pulling her heat firmly against his straining member.

Kai's nails dug into the flesh of his shoulder blades as she grinded herself against him. Her soft, sweet panting filled the room, enveloping the two of them. Her compression shorts pressed against her clit under the weight pressure of his cock, dragging against it and causing a smooth friction that left her only needing more.

She pushed his trousers over his hips, allowing his cock to spring free. It throbbed in her hand when she grasped it and Zuko groaned, biting down on her nipple. She stroked him gently.

" _Fuck..."_ Zuko moaned, trailing off into a sea of pleasurable oblivion, "Harder, squeeze harder."

Kai squeezed her long, dainty fingers around his engorged shaft, running the pad of her thumb over the head and feeling it become slick with precum. Zuko's hand slid further down her ass, taking a moment to squeeze her thigh that was mounted over his hip before pressing against her covered slit. He stroked her cunt with his thumb, feeling her sleek arousal seep through the fabric.

"Inside, i-inside." Kai stuttered. Words were hard when her mind was so clouded. "Oh my god, I need you inside of me."

He rolled her onto her back and pulled her shorts off before resuming their previous position. His middle and forefinger stroked the outside of her folds in time with her own strokes of his cock, grazing over her clit and then back down to the entrance of her pussy before trailing back up again.

"Tell me again." He said, breathy and low and so sweet that it made Kai's teeth ache.

"I _need_ you."

He slid two fingers inside of her with little resistance, drawing them forward against the spot that he'd learned made her sink against him from a paralyzing rush of endorphins.

" _More_." Kai mewled, "I need all of you, _fuck._ "

Zuko reached into his pants pocket and gathered the protection he'd demanded from Sokka, then wrapped his arms around her waist and hoisted her on top of him, bringing himself up as well. He dipped his hand between the two of them, shoving the condom hastily down his shaft.

He pushed his cock into Kai's velvety warmth without giving her a moment to adjust. Her hips jerked from the onset pain, but then it transformed into a wholeness that was incomparable to anything else.

They sat together for a moment with her arms draped over his shoulders and his locked around her waist, kissing slowly, passionately, simmering in the sensation of being one.

Then Zuko drug her hips forward, grinding her clit against his pubic hairs, causing her to spill moans and curses into the atmosphere.

"So good... you're _so good_ , baby." He panted as she took over control of herself. They moved in time, with Zuko thrusting forward as Kai did the same, barely even pulling out because neither of them could stand the distance it created.

"Tell me you love me. Please." She begged, grasping his broad shoulders like he was her life raft in the middle of the ocean, rolling herself onto him and taking him into the hilt.

Zuko dipped his lips next to her ear, "I love you. I love you endlessly, every bit of you." His hands squeezed various parts of her body — her thighs, ass, and stomach — and he declared his love for all of them, all while grunting into her hair. He held her cheek, thumb stroking her bottom lip. "Tell me what you love, baby, talk to me. I need to hear you."

"I love when you take me to bed, when you make love to me." She said, and Zuko's churning amber eyes rolled back from the delicious sound of her voice.

"When you get possessive, around Sokka or Haru or, _fuck_ , even June."

He pulled his cock out of her almost completely and crashed back in. "Are you mine?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" She moaned, and the declaration came out in rapid succession, as one word. "I fucking _love_ watching you fire bend, how you can control something so dangerous."

Zuko squeezed her tighter, taking the nipple he'd neglected earlier into his mouth and pulling it with his teeth. He pushed his hand between her legs and stroked her clit again.

Kai felt his fingers steadily warming against her nub and it caused her walls to contract around him.

"Fucking, _spirits_." He growled, "You're milking my cock, honey."

While the statement was a far cry from the dirtiest thing Kai's previous lovers had said to her, it was the most lecherous thing she'd ever heard Zuko mumble, and it made her hips buck into his faster, harder.

"Do you like that, too? You like when I talk to you?" He asked in a gravely tone. "I want you to cum on my cock, Kai. I wanna hear your sweet cries and watch your pretty face when it happens."

Zuko held her hips steady against him, pushing his cock as far as it would go into her cunt and then dragging it back out, massaging her clit. He needed her to cum soon because he wasn't sure how much longer he would last.

"Everyday, baby, I'll fuck you like this every day if you want me to. But I need you to cum for me. Please? I need to feel your pussy—"

Her walls contracted and her thighs began to shiver and he didn't let up. He held her down on his cock, massaging his fingers against her clit as she tried so hard to keep herself quiet. Zuko's cock ached inside of her and she could feel it throbbing for release.

And then he remembered the lambskin. He pushed his shaft into her for the final time and unloaded into the safety of the protection, into _her,_ burying his face against her breasts and cursing like a sailor all the while.

Zuko leaned back against the wall with her still on his lap, the two of them kissed lazily for a while with hands exploring each other's sweat soaked skin. Kai was panting, she was unable to hold her eyes completely open as her climax had taken too much out of her.

"What did Bumi say to you?" He asked after some time.

Kai smiled against his lips and between kisses said, "He called me his daughter. He said that I'll be the next Earth King."


	47. The End Came Anyway

"RISE AND SHINE, CHILDREN!"

Bumi's crazed voice ripped through Kai and Zuko's peaceful slumber, jolting them awake in their cot. Kai scrambled to make sure her nude body was still covered by the thin sheet they'd been provided. Zuko sat up, blindly holding his hands in a fighting position, ready to take on whatever unknown threat was among them.

"Fucking spirits, Bumi." Kai sighed. She heard the girlish laughter from Toph stationed right by his side.

"Come on, knuckleheads!" Toph yelled, "It's time to save the world, and we have some training to do beforehand!"

Zuko planted himself back on the cot and buried his head under a pillow, anything to stop their shrill voices from piercing through his consciousness.

"Meet us in the valley in ten minutes or we'll bring the training field to _you_." Bumi said, then chuckled.

They left the young couple be. Kai rolled back into Zuko, pressing her forehead against his chest while she tried to convince her brain to wake up.

"Has he always been so... loud?" Zuko groggily asked.

"Unfortunately."

She opted for all black attire that morning — much like she had the day of the eclipse. It represented where she was from; the shadows. And it represented where she was going; the darkness of the afterlife.

"Are you going to meet up with Iroh?" Kai asked as she watched Zuko pull on his trousers.

He nodded, "We've still got to decide where everyone will be stationed. Without Aang, we're pretty much going into this blind."

Kai combed through her hair and gave herself a fresh braid before kissing Zuko goodbye. He made her promise that they'd see each other again before the comet, and she did. She would keep that promise even if it meant risking her own safety.

~

Warm, fresh tea touched her lips as she strolled through the valley. It was a beautiful day, despite the impending circumstances. Cold dew coated the ground and made Kai's feet sink slightly into the ground. She liked to see nature in this way, just as sleepy as she was, just waking up from a nice dream.

And then her sweet autumn morning burst into flames. Literal flames, as a blazing ball of fire hurdled toward her. Kai dropped her teacup and fought against the mass, sliding back on her heels with the force of two identical poles of a magnet. She cast it back to where it came like a slingshot, sending it flying away from her.

The laughter began again, Bumi's maniacal chuckle mixed with Toph's girlish giggles. It made Kai smile because she felt at home.

"No warning?" She asked.

And Bumi replied, "The Fire Nation isn't known for giving warnings before they attack, and neither am I!"

He stomped and the ground below Kai shifted her up onto a pedestal at what felt like a mile a minute. She jumped off without a second guess as to whether or not the elements were on her side, and when she landed, the earth shook. The ground rolled in a tidal wave across the valley, knocking both of her assailants off of their feet.

The three of them jumped, one after another, on what looked like a waterbed from a distance — the ground having gone malleable at their touch as they bounced up and down on it like a trampoline.

"You're playing defense, Kai." Bumi said to her. "Because you _will_ be on the defense."

He and Toph had set up the field similarly to how they'd tried to train Aang a few days before, with bowls of fire sitting in front of grease covered boulders. Only these boulders were much larger, mountainous, compared to the ones they'd put against Aang.

"I don't know that I can bend something so heavy, Bumi." Kai said.

"Well then, it's time to learn!"

Without a word more, the first boulder hovered off of the ground. It took everything in Bumi to control that much mass, the veins in his head bulged and the surprisingly large muscles in his arms looked as if they were about to burst. When he finally had it above his head, he spun with it as if playing a round of shot put, and then hurled the ball of fire toward Kai.

Toph wasn't just there to observe, though. No, she was a more than willing participant. Small mountain raged forward Toph bended rock bullets at her will. _Kill shots only_ , she told herself while shooting rapid fire at her friend.

Kai dodged most of the bullets. On grazed her ribs, tearing through her dress and drawing only a small amount of blood. She again found herself being pushed back by the flames long before they ever reached her. The flames — not earth — the flames were what had her fight or flight reflex choosing the latter, she realized. Kai fell backward with the boulder sailing past her and, as if holding an invisible rope, she lassoed it up.

It dragged her through the dirt and that hurt worse than the single bullet wound she'd suffered. Rocks scraped against her spine as she focused all of her energy on slowing the damn thing.

To her amazement, it began to lose momentum. The slower it became, the smaller the flames got, and the smaller the flames got, the more control she had.

The rest of the gang felt when the boulder hit the ground. It shook their camp, causing Iroh, Zuko, Sokka, Suki and Katara to all look up from the various maps they had laid out in front of them.

"Do you think Kai's okay?" Zuko asked his uncle with wide eyes and a steadily increasing heart rate.

Iroh laughed, "I think you should be more worried about the other two, nephew."

Kai was greeted with another mountainous ball of fire, and another, and another, along with a hailstorm of bullets. She ran toward them this time, mapping out her game plan with every slippery step. Kai flung the bullets back toward Toph and the boulder at Bumi for over an hour in what became a very deadly game of tennis.

In the end, she ached. There was no fire left for them to draw from and she was secretly happy for that. Kai lay back in the weeds, taking in their cool dampness and panting. Sweat coated her skin and her braid had come undone, leaving stray hairs sticking to her face and neck.

"Are you ready to play _Buried Alive?"_ Bumi asked as he and Toph stood over her.

Kai shook her head, "Not that exercise, please. I need to catch my breath."

"What's _Buried Alive_?" Toph asked, and Kai wished that she hadn't.

The dense rectangle where the lay sunk into the earth only slightly before Kai tugged at the force controlling it. That's exactly what this exercise was — tug of war. A strength building exercise, similar to carnival strong men dragging a dump truck by a chain. She and Bumi fought for power over the ground beneath her and if she lost, she would be buried. She'd lost a few times. Digging herself out was always the hardest part.

She shoved her fingers into the soft dirt, closing her eyes as she steadied her breathing. She could feel the minuscule tunnels being dug by insects and rodents there, they led all the way down to the bedrock where Bumi would deposit her if she cracked.

And then she could feel the pressure of his and Toph's feet as if she were sitting right below them. It almost felt like she was one with the valley, Kai could feel the crawling legs and creeping antennas of every creature that lived below the surface.

Bumi knew that he'd lost as soon as she did. What he didn't expect was to become the victim of his own strategy. He didn't find _that_ out until the bitter taste of dirt flooded his tongue and sinuses, covering his head and seeping its way into his robe.

The two girls sat and waited patiently for him to dig himself out, which he did much faster than Kai had ever been able to.

"So the pupil becomes the master." Bumi coughed, emerging from the grave like the undead.

He joined the girls on the ground. Their training was through. Soon enough they would be summoned back to camp, where everyone would depart for perhaps the final time before their deaths. These three were not ignorant to that fact, they knew that failure would cost them their lives this time.

"Toph, you're going with your friends Sokka and Suki to take down the airships during today's raid." Bumi said. "With Aang gone, the three of you have to try your damndest to stop those ships from raining fire across these lands. If you've ever wanted to kill someone, today may be your last chance."

Toph beared a small smile that quickly faded into a sulk. She and Kai wouldn't be together during the comet, Kai had anticipated that much, but now the time was approaching so quickly that it felt to Toph as if their whole lives had passed them by in a single blink.

"Kai." Bumi said, stealing her attention. "When Aang inevitably _does_ show up, you will watch over him. You must form the tallest mountain you can, as close to the sun as Icarus was before he fell. The other Grand Lotus' and I will be taking back Ba Sing Se from Fire Nation troops and once the Fire Lord is defeated, _you,_ my child, will be crowned their king."

Another boulder smacked Kai square in the chest.

No, that was just the beat of her heart against her ribs as utter confusion began to twist into terror.

"How is she supposed to be king if she's a girl?" Toph asked, seeing nothing else wrong with the nonsense that Bumi was spewing.

"For the sake of alliteration, of course!" Bumi laughed.

Kai crossed her legs and stiffened her back. "Bumi, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?"

"Were you not listening last night?!" He shouted.

"I thought you were just being insane, like usual! I can't be a _king_!" She shouted back. Kai stood and began trotting anxiously back and forth. "The people of the Earth Kingdom don't even know that I _exist_ , how am I supposed to just declare myself their leader out of nowhere?"

"Actually..." Toph said, speaking nervously as she felt it wasn't exactly her place. "I don't know if this is related, but back when I used to sneak away — you know, when I became The Blind Bandit — I always heard stories about some sort of mysterious girl. The troops would come to town and spread rumors about her, how she was bred for victory."

Bumi smiled a wicked grin and Kai knew that he'd played at least some part in her becoming a fable. But it was the first she'd heard herself described as such — bred for _victory_ — not war, not murder. Victory.

"So, what? They think I'm some sort of, of Robin Hood type character?"

"They think you're a _leader!"_ Bumi shouted at the top of his lungs and leapt to his feet. He grabbed Kai by the shoulders, trying his damnedest to shake all of the fear and anxiety right out of her. "Because you _are_ a leader! Besides, who else is there to fill the throne? King Kuei is off roaming the forest with his circus animal!"

Kai's translucent irises burned into his. "And what if Aang doesn't beat Ozai?" She asked.

He let her go gently.

Bumi wasn't usually one to think up a plan b, because he never liked to anticipate his first plan failing.

"Comets are made up of thousands of minerals." He said, and Kai felt the sudden need to evacuate what little contents her stomach held.

"I can't—" She stuttered, "whatever you're suggesting, I can't."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if Ozai wins, it isn't just the Earth Kingdom that loses. The entire world loses." Toph bended up a handful of loose dirt and stood in front of Kai. She turned her friend's palm up in her hand and dropped the sediment there, letting it flow through her fingers just as they'd done the other day.

Bumi had told Toph about this "plan b" in the early morning hours before anyone else was awake. She'd sobbed then, having already pushed herself to her emotional limit with the possibility that she'd lose her best friend.

But Bumi was right. With no Earth Kingdom citizens left, half of the world's population would be extinct. The lone Southern Water Tribe and small army from the North couldn't take on these enemies alone, and they wouldn't be much of a threat together either. The end of the world was among them. Whether it came from Ozai's power or Kai's, the only difference was the dignity in which Mother Nature bowed out — from greed, or from mercy.

"You have two options —" Bumi started, "You can tear our world apart, or you can burn it to the ground. Your choice."

Kai laughed an astonished chuckle, "Well that just makes it seem _so easy_."

He placed a hand on her shoulder and Toph snuggled up to her side. "Don't think that just because I'm a crazy old man I don't know the kind of burden this places on your shoulders, my dear."

And yet there he was, asking her to do it anyway — asking her to snuff humanity out, burst their existence wide open at the seams.

But Kai wasn't ignorant to his train of thought. It made sense, once she took a deep breath and pushed the term _'I can't'_ out of her head. They owed Mother Nature a quick, painless death. She'd been begging them for relief from this war, Kai could feel it every time her fingers sunk into a wet patch of dirt.

"Okay." Kai said, quiet and meek and as defeated as the child she was when she left home. "Okay. I can."

~

Bumi left the valley before Kai and Toph to give the girls a few minutes alone. They sat together for some time, mostly just trying not to sob as they said their silent goodbyes. It was the gang's shouts that eventually told them time was up, and they walked back to camp hang in hand. Toph joined Sokka and Suki then and Kai dragged her feet over to Zuko.

Katara turned her attention to Appa to give them privacy.

"What's wrong?" Zuko asked her as he reached out to stroke her cheek that was streaked from silent tears. Her eyes were bloodshot and there was a pounding in her head like no other.

Kai nuzzled her face into the warmth of his hand, "Just a little scared, that's all." She offered him a sad smile.

He kissed her other cheek, wrapping her up tight in his grip, and Kai dreamed of having the ability to make time stand still. She closed her eyes and soaked in the feeling of his weight on her like a blanket, she was safe under him.

"We're going to be okay." Zuko said with his lips pressed into the top of her head. And Kai knew that wasn't true, but she would pretend that it was if it meant putting his stubborn mind at ease. "I'm going to battle Azula for the throne."

"You'll do great, my love."

Katara approached the two cautiously and placed her hand on Zuko's shoulder, "It's time to go."

He nodded her off and turned back to Kai, kissing her gently. It was what she needed in the moment, not a kiss of sadness or passion but one of pure support. His lips were smooth against her chapped ones and she dared to think of how badly she'd miss how they felt against her.

"I love you, Kai." He said while pulling himself away, and it was suddenly as if half of her had vanished completely.

Kai held back tears that so badly wanted to spill over the brim of her eyelids. "I'll see you on the other side."

* * *

Piandao offered Kai an eel hound just as he did Sokka and the others. She was offered little direction before taking off, but she knew that she needed to be far enough away from the coast to save herself from the fiery hell that would initially rain down, but close enough to anticipate the outcome of the battle. So she traveled north as Sokka, Toph and Suki went northwest.

Piandao had told them all that the journey would take about a full day, and his eel hound was determined to make the deadline. Those creatures really were the fastest thing she'd ever seen run across dry land. It never halted, not once. It wasn't as ravenous or easily distracted as Nero had been. The ride on it's back was so smooth that Kai thought she might've been able to fall asleep, had time not been running out.

She remembered the most strenuous exercise Bumi had ever put her through — when he'd made her stay awake for a full twenty four hour, standing in place, counting the seconds as they passed. That had been only a few months before her banishment and she'd hated him for a few days afterwards. His skewed reasoning was to make her value time, so she'd understand that one full day was much longer than it seemed, especially if one could just _focus_.

Kai valued her time now. She wouldn't let her last few hours pass without having observed every second of them.

It was early the next morning when she pulled the hound to a quick stop. The comet was a dot in the sky, but it was inching closer, and with it came a sunrise more beautiful than one she'd ever been alive to witness. Reds, oranges, yellows and purples melted together as if they were an ocean in the sky that'd had a painter's palette spilled over their surface. And it was warm — warmer than the hottest day last summer had brought them.

Kai stepped off of her steed and when her feet touched the ground, she knew she was close to where she needed to be.

"It's time for you to go, friend." She said to the eel hound. Much like Nero, he understood her completely. His elongated snout dipped into her ribs, bidding her a fond farewell before he turned on his heel and made way for the ocean. There, he would take shelter. There, he would survive.

Kai continued on foot for the remainder of her lonesome journey. With every step she took, Mother Nature beckoned her further, just as the ocean had at one time. The sunset faded and Kai's skin started to become sleek with sweat as the sky filled up with fire.

She knew when she was there.

This place was just as it'd been in her nightmares. A graveyard — or at least that's how it looked. Stone pillars jutted out of the ground and towered far above her head, resembling the tombstones of gods. She touched their surfaces and wondered if she would be buried here with them. Had she earned her place among the stars?

Her bare feet were cut open from the sharp stones on the ground. That didn't stop her from filing through the towers like a tourist in an art gallery. The land here was something like she hadn't experienced before, there was no foliage for her to gaze upon like she'd wished for her final moments. The ground was hard and rusty orange, almost clay like, if she dug her toes in deep enough.

"Is this where you want me?" She asked the Earth.

A massive _whooshing_ sound stirred from the direction of the coast, causing her ears to pop from sudden change in pressure. Kai looked up, straining from the blinding sun, and could see that the comet was much closer now.

She took that as her cue.

Kai dug her heels into the dirt and kneeled before the earth, closing her eyes as it began to follow her unspoken commands. Hair whipped around her face as she was forced up in the sky on a home grown pillar that was less than thirty feet diameter. When its structure began to feel shaky from the elevation, she built onto it, packing more of her element into its base to steady it. 

West of her, Kai could see a wall of warships sailing toward her. With any luck, Sokka, Toph and Suki would be seizing control of those ships soon. To the north was a lone ship, one that had a wave of fire and flames cascading onto the earth below. She felt the planet weeping, and Kai almost joined it in misery before she noticed the Fire Lord's warship losing altitude. A tornado twisted around it near the platform where Ozai stood.

And for a moment, Kai foolishly believed that the universe had been wrong.

She guarded the earth, just as Bumi had instructed, watching Aang in action as he fought the Fire Lord tooth and nail. It really did seem like he was winning for a while.

White hot lightning folded out of Ozai's fingertips like a crack in reality. Aang had his chance, Kai watched in slow motion as the perfect opportunity to end this war was served to him on a silver platter. But instead of redirecting the lightning back at the Fire Lord, Aang cast it into the sky above him.

Aang crumbled onto his back from exhaustion at the same moment that Kai fell to her knees.

"No..." Kai whispered. Her ears rang from the tumultuous screaming of Mother Earth. She was dying a slow, excruciating death.

Kai stood to her feet and her tears evaporated before ever touching her cheeks. She reached up and it was as if she could feel the flames of the comet licking her fingertips. She sensed its power — so much _power_ — and its weight.

The darkness inside of her was terrified of fire the most, it clawed at her chest now to escape from its fate. When she blinked saw a glimpse of her insides; lungs hacked black and blue, ribs that were cracked open and leaking bone marrow all over her organs. The ringing in her ears began to sound like grenades detonating and she stretched her arms far above her head because she would do anything to just make it all _fucking stop_. The weight of the comet rested in her palms, drawing closer at her command. It burned from the deepest pit of her stomach all the way to her corneas.

And then she looked up, choking on the beauty of the comet as it passed by.

She blinked and her vision began to fade. The muscles in her arms snapped, the grip she had on the comet slipped out of her fingers.

Another blink, it was getting darker. Kai fell again to her knees and they bled onto the ground beneath her. She couldn't pull her attention away from the sky.

Another blink, and everything went black. She began tunneling into the furthest depths of her mind, a long corridor that she was running down — away from her fate, away from her responsibilities. It would come to an end soon, she could feel it drawing closer, like walls of a labyrinth closing in on her with no real means of escape.

He stood there, at the end of the miles long stretch that was her dark, lonely mind. The darkness that she'd stuffed so deep down inside of her that she'd almost forgotten it existed. He was waiting for her, he was always waiting for her.

"Your friends are dying, my love." He said with his hands folded in front of him.

Kai could see Toph hanging off of the ledge of a warship — completely blind, completely alone — her fingers were slipping out of Sokka's grip. His cracking voice echoed, _"It looks like this is the end, Toph."_

She saw Zuko lying on the ground of the Royal Palace with a gaping lightning wound to his chest. He was convulsing violently as Katara sobbed over his body.

" _You_ are dying, sweet girl." The darkness said, stepping forward, cupping either side of her face in his hands.

Kai looked up with tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't see him as beautiful. She didn't even see him as desirable.

"I can save them. I can save you."

She held onto his forearms. Her quivering lips parted and her voice shook as she spoke. "They can't die like this, th-they can't... I'm the only one that's supposed to die!" Kai tried to breathe but it was as if she didn't have lungs at all, so instead she swallowed all of the diluted blood that had congealed in her mouth.

The walls began to pulsate with the shallow beat of her own heart. It was getting weaker and, in seconds, even the shadows began to fade. He seemed to be slipping out of her grasp just as quickly as everything else she loved.

"What do I have to do?" Kai said, her voice only a whisper in her own mind.

The figure smiled, he wasn't on her side. His skeletal thumb stroked her bottom lip as his ghastly face moved closer to hers and she couldn't feel a thing. Kai sunk into imperceivable nothingness.

She knew that she was going to die.

"Tell me you love me, my queen." He said.

She did.  
The end came anyway.


	48. Painfully, Wonderfully, Completely

Light. Bright, warm, yellow light.

Rolling green hills and clouds that floated aimlessly without carrying the threat of showers.

Peaceful fauna that fed on the shrubs near a far off brook. They sustained themselves off of Mother Earth alone.

Kai's vision slowly cleared, she could see the entire world from her seat atop a short cliff. Her feet dangled over the ledge and her hands were folded neatly in her lap, as if she'd been picked up and placed there, like a child being carried to bed by her parents.

"Where am I?" Kai said, and her throat no longer burned. Her lungs no longer ached when she spoke. "Is this the afterlife? Did I die?"

She became aware of a being sitting next to her. Not fearfully aware, or suddenly aware, just aware. Kai turned her head.

"Not yet. And no, this isn't the afterlife. This is just some place in between here and there and everywhere else."

Kai had only known this figure for a fraction of a moment, but she was already so dear to her. She seemed genuinely pleasant, everything that Kai wished she'd been. _She_. She seemed perfectly feminine, with her sandy hair cascading like water over her chest. Her skin seemed olive colored at first, but the longer Kai stared at her the more she became aware that it was actually tinted green. Her eyes were a mixture of all the shades they could be, forming a deep, hypnotizing hazel.

Kai turned back to face the world that her world could never be. "Why am I here? I don't think this was part of the divine plan." She asked, and the woman chuckled.

"Excuse me for answering a question with a question, but have you ever followed my plans for you?"

Her head snapped back around and she looked the woman up and down, digesting all of her ethereal beauty. Kai _did_ know her. "Mother..." She whispered. "Mother Earth."

Mother smiled, "That isn't my name, but you're welcome to call me that."

In the mortal world, shame would've been filling Kai's chest by now. It was there, she knew it was, but that was the extent of it. Kai only felt a subtle hint of content, nothing more or less.

"I tried to protect you, Mother. Please believe me. I tried to give you a respectable end."

"I know, dear." Mother said.

An armadillo lion purred in the distance. They were predatory creatures, Kai knew that, but it was nuzzling gently alongside something like a hopping llama. These animals didn't live like this naturally, but here there was no blood spill. There was no violence. A peacefulness washed over Kai when she came to this realization.

"Is this when I'm supposed to ask all of the questions I never got answers to? And then I'm gone?"

Mother shrugged, "It's your Inbetween, I can't very well tell you how to experience it. Are there questions you'd like to ask?"

Kai nodded. There were _so_ many.

"Then I will do my best to answer them."

"The oni... it said it would save us." Kai played with her fingers in her lap. She felt as weightless as sunlight. "I know that I shouldn't have believed it, but why did it lie to me?"

Mother's bubblegum pink lips pursed and the thin lines above them could be seen. They were beautiful wrinkles that defined her infinite wisdom. "The darkness that lingered inside of you may have been malicious in nature, but it was not a liar. You moved too slowly, Kai — you hesitated for just a moment too long — when your hourglass ran empty, the darkness had only just taken control. It's time ran out in place of yours."

"So it's... it's dead? It's gone?"

She nodded, "That's right. But you gave it control of your earthly body."

"So I'm not dead, I'm just... _trapped._ Trapped inside my own head."

"Something like that."

Kai's teeth pierced her lip and she realized that she'd been chewing on it anxiously. Fresh blood smudged over her finger. It reminded her that she was still real, that she was still alive, and that even though her overwhelming range of emotions no longer seared a hole in her chest, they still existed.

"Why did you damn me, Mother?" Kai asked. She stared into the woman's eyes with a lingering hint of betrayal shining in her own. "I loved you. Before I loved anyone else, I loved _you_ , and you made me into a martyr."

Mother Earth cast her gaze away from the shame Kai's look brought her. "Martyrs are what make up the twinkling night sky. The great sufferers, the ones you told stories of to anyone that cared to listen."

"But why _me_?"

Kai had never wanted this. She'd never been able to tell a normal life from her own but she knew that the hand she'd been dealt wasn't one to shine a light on.

Mother Earth smiled, "You said it yourself, because you loved me. So much so that you abandoned your fire bending abilities just to become a child of mine." She took Kai's hand in hers, "That story of your father's — the one where he was told by the Gods of their plan for you — that was a lie. It was all in his head. None of us had any plans for you until the day you were born, and even then, you always had your own plan for yourself."

Kai held the woman's nimble fingers. She watched the animals living in harmony for quite some time before deciding that there was no use in being angry. It deflated her to waste what energy she still possessed on things she couldn't change. She didn't like this reality, the impracticality of it made her uneasy.

"What happens now that I've failed?" Kai asked.

"Failed?" Mother's brow furrowed with confusion. "You haven't failed, my love. Your hesitation to choose darkness over light is what saved me, Kai. It saved them all."

"W-what?" Something chirped in Kai's ear, except it was all around her simultaneously. Mother didn't seem like she'd heard it, but Kai knew that it was real. It was like a short whistle, like her attention was trying to be captured by something that was both everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"Your friends are looking for you. They have been for quite some time. I think they're wandering closer to your body by now."

Hours had passed since Kai's eyes fluttered open, revealing this secret nirvana. She could tell that by the frustration and lethargy in her friends' voices. They wafted past her ears like echoes in the wind, just kissing her senses enough to make her aware of them. Kai heard the shaking of the earth as Toph bended boulders, searching for her desperately. She felt the wind that Aang created as he cleared out the smoke from the fires. Time moved much faster for them, she realized. An hour in the span of human life was a much bigger fraction than that of the eternity Kai teetered on the edge of.

"You have a choice to make, sweet girl." Mother said.

A chariot appeared behind the two, waiting patiently. It was pulled by a single steed, a white horse with a silky mane. It was in no rush.

"There's a home waiting for you in the stars, this chariot can take you there if you're ready to let go. I'd be happy to hold that spot though, if you'd like a do-over."

Kai looked from the escort to Mother, "Do over?"

"A next life, a second chance. You can start fresh, if you'd like, but I can't promise it would be any easier the second time around."

Kai stood and approached the horse. She stroked his hair, running her thumb along his sensitive ears. "Those are my only options?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, dear." Mother nodded her head and Kai knew she was remorseful. "You gave the darkness control over your mortal vessel, and while your body is still technically alive, _that_ part of you is gone."

The horse nuzzled into Kai's touch. He didn't beg her for any compensation for his services, he was just there to do his job. He didn't need anything from her despite the fact that he was willing to take her to paradise.

Kai wondered what that would be like indefinitely — to have no one needing her for a single thing, and she not needing anything from anyone else in return. To have no earthly obligations. She simmered on that fantasy for a while and the thought of it sounded sweeter as time passed by.

"Okay." She turned toward Mother, "I think I'm ready."

* * *

The gang had been searching for hours, well into the night after Aang took Ozai's bending from him. Katara and Zuko still remained at the Royal Palace, they were getting the troops under control and arranging for Azula to be transported somewhere for mental help.

It was so dark in the Earth Kingdom, but they could hear the people of Ba Sing Se rejoicing. Their city belonged to _them_ again, though they now had no leader.

Toph's body had began to feel weaker as the night dragged on. She spent her time stomping among the battle ground instead of tossing around boulders, looking frantically through her mind's eye for any sign of Kai. Many of the tall pillars of orange stone had been demolished during the fight and they were all concerned that she had been taken down with them.

Toph was so tired that she walked right into one of the pillars. Her forehead banged against the stone and vibrations rocked her brain.

"Guys, over here!!" She screamed in no particular direction. "I think I found her!"

Sokka was the first to make it to Toph, followed by Aang and Suki. They peered up the tower of rock, it stood so much higher than all of the others.

"How the heck did she make it all the way up there?" Suki asked.

Aang touched the stone surface. It wasn't stable at all, and what was most concerning was that there was no life force attached to it. No bending was holding it up, it was just a stack of rocks teetering on top of each other.

"Toph, take the other side. We'll have to stabilize it on the way down." Aang said.

They gripped either side of the pillar and brought it down nice and steady. They forced it back into the earth, making it one again with nature until a sight so horrible faced them that Sokka grabbed Suki by the shoulders. She folded herself into his chest, unable to bear witnessing further.

"Oh god, oh god," Toph chanted, "oh no, no, nonono!"

She climbed onto the flattened head of the structure and felt her way around it just like the badgermoles. Even if she could see, Toph would've been blinded by grief in that moment. She felt Kai's arm and it was so cold, it was limp and lifeless.

Toph tried with all her might to pull Kai up off of her back.

The others climbed onto the platform and kept their distance. "Toph... I'm sorry, but I think we're too late..." Sokka whispered.

Tears flooded her dirty cheeks, forming streaks in the ashes that coated her neck. Her small hands brushed over Kai's face as she pulled her head into her lap, and when her fingers pressed against her neck, a small glimmer of hope shined through the impenetrable darkness.

"No, she has a heartbeat!!" Toph cried. It was faint, as if there was something muffling it, but it was there.

Aang kneeled at Toph's side. His heart seized in his chest, he'd never seen anyone look so pliant. He pushed a few strands of hair out of Kai's face and gently opened one of her eyelids.

His sudden gasp and the withdrawal of his hand shocked the others. Aang's face twisted up as he moved forward again, slower this time, and spread her eyelids with his fingers.

Blackness covered the whites of her eyes. Inky, dark blackness, like the furthest stretches of the universe that has never once seen light. But Toph was right, Aang could feel the faintest hint of life buried beneath all of the muck.

"It's the _thing_!" Sokka shouted, "The darkness, th-the, the oni-thing!"

Toph remembered the way that her eyes had flashed black during the exorcism, she nodded to Aang that Sokka may be onto something.

"Is there anything that you can do?" Suki asked from afar.

Aang's lips pursed from defeat, "I can't bring back the dead, guys..."

"I told you, she isn't dead! She's just—" Toph searched for the right words as she pressed her fingers tighter against the artery in Kai's neck, "buried, I think. Somehow that seems right."

Sokka leaned over the two others. He took Kai's limp body in his hands and lifted her up. "Her back. Toph, help me expose her scars." He said, and Toph did exactly that. Aang had never realized exactly how many of them there were. "Katara told me about a healing session she had with Kai once, right after she came back. She said there was something just beneath the surface, that it felt like a really strong force, and when she pulled it out with her bending, it almost seemed alive."

Aang stroked the two freshest wounds. They were by no means new, and they would have been long healed had Kai not been dragged on her back through rocks during her training session with Toph and Bumi. Along the scars that spanned her shoulder blades were fresh scratches, irritated and red and angry. They still looked very much alive.

He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers harder against her skin. It was there, like a boulder sitting inside of her, blocking the door to her mind. Aang tugged and it was unbelievably heavy, though it didn't fight back. Kai began to feel lighter in Sokka's grip as black sludge pooled in Aang's palms, he no longer struggled to keep her on her feet.

"Oh my god." Suki whispered to herself.

When there was nothing left to retrieve, Aang held what looked like a dead slug in his hands. It was withered, as if it'd been burnt up by the force of the comet that it feared so greatly. He closed his fingers around the thing and cremated it for good, allowing it to turn to ash and blow away in the wind.

"Is... is she.." Toph stuttered.

Sokka laid her down gently. Soft color had begun to return to her cheeks, her chest rose and fell with only the slightest of movements.

Kai had been ripped right out of the Inbetween. It was like falling out of the sky but in reverse while simultaneously being torn in half, like her soul and body were being forced apart — in reality, they were being forced back together. When she landed back in her body she felt as if she'd just hit rock bottom. Her eyes fluttered open but sight didn't immediately return.

Kai reached up, her chipped nails brushing against Toph's face. The pads of her fingers became sticky from wet tears. She opened her mouth and her jaw ached. Her tongue was dry and it tasted like old blood.

She was alive. Painfully, wonderfully, completely alive.

"I think I bruised a lung, Toffee." Kai croaked.

Toph pulled the girl into her and soaked her shoulder with a flood of tears, paying no mind to her bruised lungs and torn muscles. Kai couldn't breathe, she could barely move, but she looked up past Toph's sobbing form and stared into the twinkling night sky. Her eyes locked on Andromeda, the ruler of men, and stayed there as she reminisced on how soft her skin had felt when she'd taken her hand.

Kai didn't fear the darkness, for they were no longer one and the same. She merely appreciated the way it complimented her light.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

Zuko stood inside his new bedroom at the Royal Palace — the King's quarters — it overlooked the gathering grounds where he would give speeches for years to come. The day was beautiful, autumn had finally set in and a cool breeze blew through his nation. A crowd was already beginning to form beneath the balcony, hastily awaiting the first words of their new leader.

He winced and grabbed his ribs, unable to lift his arm high enough to slip it into his robe.

"Need some help with that?" Kai asked from the doorframe.

Zuko looked back to see her dressed so properly considering her new title; pleated jade colored trousers that cinched at the dip of her waist, a golden belt and embellished high neck blouse. Still, no shoes, which was to be expected.

"Kai..." was all he could muster. She helped ease him into his new attire and all of its layers.

"You got my letters, right?" He asked.

"Mhm," she hummed, "every single one. I have to admit, my impersonation of you is far from perfect. I definitely prefer hearing your voice in person."

Though it pained him, Zuko lifted his fingers to stroke a nearly healed bruise on the ball of her cheek. Kai turned her face and felt his skin brush against her lips.

"What are we gonna do, my love?" He asked, holding her by the face. "Your kingdom and mine are half a world away."

In the grand scheme of things, half a world no longer seemed like very much distance at all, not now that she'd been half an eternity away from him. But Kai was no fool, she wouldn't trick herself into believing that she could survive off of love letters and sparse visits from someone that left her heart aching every time they were apart.

"Split the diff?" She said, "We spend summers and autumns in Ba Sing Se, springs and winters here? Iroh's settling very well back into The Jasmine Dragon, you know. I offered him a spacious apartment on palace grounds but he insisted on a modest home close to his tea shop."

Zuko smiled. "I can't say the same for Toph, she's taking full advantage of life at the Royal Palace."

Life was going to be different, they both knew that. They would have to hide their relationship until the bad taste for fire benders was washed out of Earth Kingdom nationals' mouths, or else it would run the risk of Kai's own people not fully trusting her.

Zuko guided Kai into his grip, wrapping his uninjured arm around her aching shoulders. She stroked his ribs gently, counting every fracture through the layers of custom tailored fabric.

"When should I send for you?" He asked.

Kai kissed lovingly along his jaw, "I need to make a few appearances, help rebuild a few more boroughs and whatnot. I'd also like to visit Bumi before slowing down completely, see what he's done with Omashu. Would you like to come with me?"

"He sent me a message that only read, _I'm not getting any younger. Give me grandchildren ASAP._ Are you sure that's a good idea?"

She laughed so hard that it felt as if Toph had just sucker punched her straight in the chest. "Funny, I received something eerily similar from Iroh. Of course, it was a bit more subtle."

Zuko nuzzled his cheek against hers, reveling in the feeling of their noses brushing, "Maybe we can get some practice in once we get to Omashu."

His lips felt like the epitome of life as they pressed against hers. They tasted of love and war and everything that the two of them had gone through in between it all. His kiss whispered secrets to her soul, secrets of the next fifty years. It was difficult to not get wrapped up in that sort of foreshadowing.

The two of them step outside onto the balcony where Aang was meditating. Kai had never seen him in his full monk attire before, but she enjoyed the sight of all three of them standing in the positions that they were destined to fulfill. She placed her hand on his shoulder, gently stirring him from deep thought.

"I can never thank you enough for helping me find my way back, Aang."

Aang unfolded his legs and stood before her. He looked so _adult_ , so mature. He bowed to Kai and she did the same before the two of them embraced.

"All a day's work in the life of the Avatar."

Kai peered out over the balcony. At the front of the crowd stood her friends, they were waiting eagerly to hear the speech of the century, just as everyone else was.

"You sure you don't want to stay up here with me and Aang?" Zuko asked with his hand on the small of Kai's back. "I _do_ need to introduce you, you know."

She shook her head, "The world is still greatly divided, dear. We need the people of the Fire Nation to respect me just as greatly as my own citizens do, that will only happen if they see me as an equal. I'm going to join the gang on the palace grounds."

Zuko nodded her off. He didn't like not having Kai by his side, but her way of thinking was that of a true leader. That, he would forever find admirable.

Kai approached the others at the head of the crowd below the balcony. The Fire Sages stood off to the right, ready to declare the love of her life their new Fire Lord. Toph tucked herself under Kai's wing. Her grip was becoming looser these days, now that nothing could keep them apart. Suki draped her arm around Kai's shoulder, she still considered her a sister. Kai had plans to release Kyoshi Island from Earth Kingdom rule, she hoped that Suki would play a part in their establishment as a solitary, albeit small, nation.

Kai listened as Zuko declared the war officially over, his people rejoiced. He spoke of division and reunification, of tolerance and peace. He introduced Aang with a brotherly hand on his shoulder and extended an arm toward the ground, naming Kai as the newest Earth King for the first time in a public setting.

For the once, Kai didn't feel the forces of the universe tugging her in every direction. She didn't feel her destiny being dictated by unseen forces or influenced by people that were only looking out for themselves. She felt whole in the presence of the family that she'd created with these people. Wonderfully, completely whole.

Now that her internal wounds were healed, she could begin to do the same for the world. That was the destiny she'd chosen for herself, and it was one she would choose over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to actually post this chapter. I don't want this to be over.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. I've had such a great time writing this story and I feel like it has helped make me a better writer in general.
> 
> I WILL be posting a bonus chapter next week focused around the days surrounding Aang and Katara's wedding. 100% smut and fluff.
> 
> For anyone reading this that also reads my Judd Birch x OC stories, I'm currently posting a new one in that genre as well.
> 
> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU DEARLY. 💚💚💚


	49. BONUS CHAPTER - Winter Solstice

** Five Years Later **

Zuko stood at the edge of town in the Southern Water Tribe, wrapped heavily in garments that had been specially made just for this trip. He was a day early, and his earthly companion was a day late.

"Are you just going to stand here and wait for her until she arrives?" Toph asked as she approached Zuko's side. She'd slipped out of her shoes just for a moment in order to locate him and was now hastily pulling them back over her freezing toes.

"We've been together full time for almost _three years_ now, Toph. She's been gone for a month and it's felt more lonely than my years in banishment. So yes, I'm going to stand here and wait for her."

His eyes sat on the horizon. Zuko had offered Kai an airship for her travels, but she'd expressed the need to take more traditional means of travel, "like he good ol' days", as she'd put it.

"How are you guys?" Toph asked.

She knew that the couple had clashed for a short amount of time after Zuko backed out of the Harmony Restoration Movement, and then things had come to a head during the Battle for Yu Dao.

Zuko smiled. "We're good — really good, I think."

The two stood there for some time, waiting for Kai's arrival. Their anticipation was fruitless, they both knew that Kai could not be coaxed into showing up any sooner than her standard "fashionably late". Zuko and Toph began walking back to the commons.

"You know, Aang hasn't seen Katara in almost a year. At least when you and Kai get married you won't have to worry about a bunch of old people making sure you follow centuries old superstitions." Toph said.

"Yeah, besides the Fire Sages. They've been on my ass about producing an heir to the throne, I guess they're concerned about Azula being free and all of the assassination attempts."

" _Produce?!"_ Toph gagged and Zuko laughed. They gathered a few cups of coffee from one of the elders, settling into a bench near an ensuing snowball fight between two groups of playful children.

"Besides, I don't even know that Kai is up for the whole 'marriage' thing... she doesn't exactly like being tied down, if you haven't noticed." Zuko felt around in one of his many pockets. There, a ring sat, one that he wasn't sure would ever be used.

"Being married doesn't mean being tied down, Zuko." Toph said, "It just means that you're committed to loving each other even when things get tough. You guys went to _war_ against each other and then made up the next day. If that isn't commitment, I'm not sure what is."

Zuko grinned. He left the ring in his pocket alone and sipped the warm coffee. It felt nice against his wind chapped lips. The pair soon heard a woman's shrill scream from the edge of town and, just as they were about to jump into action, they heard a very familiar voice.

"You people tame snow leopard caribou and you're squealing over a freakin' _spider/alligator hybrid_? Give me a break."

"I'll give the two of you some time to catch up. Tell Kai I'll be in Katara's bridal tent, suffering through endless wedding planning with the other hens." Toph said. With that, she was gone.

Zuko stood to his feet, scurrying from multiple legs vibrated the ground and he grew increasingly anxious. Kai turned the corner on her newest canyon crawler, narrowly avoiding taking out the side of a hut. A second crawler was right beside her, this one with a large box strapped on its back.

Kai hopped off of the beast the moment she laid eyes on her lover. She raced toward Zuko and he held his arms open, embracing her affectionately when her chest met his.

"Out taming wild animals again, I see." He said, cradling her face in his warm hand.

"None as wild as you, babe."

After all this time, Kai's canine-bearing smile continued to make Zuko melt. His shoulders burned with the heat of blood pumping rapidly through his body despite the sub-zero temperature. He kissed her whole-heartedly, letting her taste the burden of her absence on his lips.

"Did you at least make time to celebrate the winter solstice?" Zuko asked.

"Mhm." Kai grinned against his lips and nodded, "I did peyote in the forest and burned a log for the spirits."

Zuko slipped his hand inside her thick robe, pressing into the dip of her waist and around to the small of her back. He'd grown fond of seeing her wrapped in emerald and gold embellished fabric, the luxury of it complimented her well.

"Naked, I presume?" He whispered with his forehead still pressed against hers. The two didn't have time to indulge in hallucinogens these days, but he remembered their days of experimentation vividly.

"You know me so well, my love." Kai kissed him once more. "Speaking of nudity, I need to go see Katara. I'm sure she's pissed that I'm two days late."

Zuko reluctantly let Kai slide out of his grip. She backed away from him and whistled for the two crawlers, who stood nobly at her side.

"Are they allowing us to share a guesthouse?" She asked, to which Zuko shook his head. He'd already complained about it to the elders. Kai nodded. "Leave your door unlocked, I'll find my way there."

~

Toph lay back with her eyes closed on one of the many couches in the bridal tent. It was one of the largest structures in the village, aside from the actual wedding pavilion. It would be burned in a giant bonfire after the ceremony and then, they would celebrate.

But for now, it was just an oversized hut filled with women who were driving themselves mad with wedding preparations. Toph was only here out of obligation. If it'd been up to her, she wouldn't have arrived until the day of the actual ceremony.

Cold air rushed into the structure as the flaps were pushed open. Toph felt another body lying against her on the couch, followed by warm arms wrapping around her shoulders.

"Is wedding planning really all that tiring?" Kai asked.

Toph sunk into Kai's arms. She was grown now, all of eighteen years old, but her relationship with Kai had never changed. They were still best friends all of the time and almost mother/daughter like when it came to dynamic.

"What took you so damn long?!" Toph asked "I've been dealing with incessant women and a sulking Fire Lord for _two days_!"

Kai laughed and lifted herself off of the couch, "Do you know how many white dragon flowers Kanna requested? They don't grow in bushels, Toph. I probably plucked them into extinction."

As she spoke up, the other women in the structure became savvy to her presence. Suki threw her arm around Kai's shoulder and shouted her name. Out of all her girlfriends, Kai hadn't seen Suki in the longest.

"Suk, how's Kyoshi Island?" She asked.

Suki rolled her eyes, "It's election year, so, y'know."

Kanna stood across the room behind Katara. She and a handful of other women were experimenting with Katara's hair, tying it up into 'hair loopies' and braiding it in different styles to see what would look best the next day.

"I trust you brought what I requested, Kai?" Kanna said over her shoulder.

Kai approached the woman and spoke to her with eye contact made through the reflection of the mirror, "Yes, ma'am. My canyon crawlers are guarding your flowers with their lives."

The elderly woman patted Kai on the shoulder and left the two girls be. She motioned for the other women to follow her out, giving the four girlfriends a bit of long needed privacy. Kai stood behind Katara with her elbows resting on the top of the chair, admiring the young water bender in the mirror's reflection.

"You look stunning, Katara." She rounded Katara's side and propped herself onto the edge of the vanity. Suki joined her on the other side.

"Do you think Aang will like it?" Katara asked, "You don't think there's too many loopies?"

Toph rested her elbow on Katara's shoulder, "There's _definitely_ too many loopies. But Aang is loopy for your hair loopies."

A weight fell off of Katara's chest. She giggled and looked at the girls, now women, around her. When did they all become so grown? Only six years had passed since the four of them met, but they were all full blown adults now. Adults with jobs and responsibilities and developed relationships.

"Sorry that I'm late. I had to stop by the Royal Palace, I forgot your wedding gift there before leaving." Kai pulled a thin box out from inside her robe and handed it to Katara. It was adorned with gold ribbon and green wrappings that proved one of her servants had prepared it in lieu of her absence.

"Uh, I think Aang and I are supposed to open these together."

Suki glanced at Kai with a smile, "Aang will get to open it on his own time. Go ahead."

Katara's face turned down with confusion. She set her gaze upon the beautiful gift, it was almost a shame to ruin something so precisely prepared. Still, she untied the ribbon delicately and pulled the wrappings away from dried glue. When she pulled the lid off of the box, her face flushed bright red and she almost put the lid right back on.

" _Kai!_ " Katara chastised.

" _Katara!"_ Kai mocked, "Keep going, I haven't even seen what it looks like."

Katara sat the lid on the ground and pulled out the delicate lace fabric. It folded out as she held it up in her fingers by the exceptionally thin straps. Toph reached out and felt the material against her fingers.

"Screw what Aang thinks about your hair. He's gonna _love_ that!" She said.

Katara smiled nervously as she held up the garment — a custom made lace bodysuit, all for her. The neckline plunged deep and the hips were cut high. It was dyed indigo blue and beautiful waves were sewn intricately into the body of the piece.

"Kai, really, you didn't have to do this." Katara turned the garment around and her eyes got wide. "There's no _butt_?!"

Kai laughed, "It's called a _thong_ , Katara! Lingerie. You can wear it when you guys, y'know, consummate the marriage or whatever."

The waterbender allowed the material to crumple in her hands. She let it flow through her fingers like the element that she manipulated so easily. Aside from how it lacked much coverage at all, lace simply _felt_ sexy. It really was a beautiful piece, Katara had no doubt that someone had put great care into creating it.

"I don't know... does this even suit me?" She asked.

"Absolutely." Suki said, "It's very feminine, very dainty. I've worn much more provocative pieces for Sokka."

Kai nudged her in the ribs and leaned over to whisper, "Come by the Palace sometime, I have a seamstress specifically for lingerie —"

The two other women gagged from hearing about their friends' sexcapades.

"When are Aang and Sokka set to return, anyway? The wedding is in less than twenty-four hours." Toph asked.

Katara glanced at the tent door nervously. "They'll be here on time... hopefully."

* * *

Kai sprinted across the village from the ceremony pavilion _in heels_. She held the train of her dress up around her calves with hopes that she wouldn't bust her ass as she pushed her way through the flaps of the bridal tent. All of the matriarchs of the village were gone, they'd filed into their seats with their husbands and were listening to the smooth melodies being played by a live band. Instead, Katara was surrounded by Suki and a few other Kyoshi Warriors.

"Am I being _stood up_?!" Katara asked, "Am I being literally left at the altar right now??"

She was on the brink of tears when Kai kneeled down in front of her and took the woman's face in her hands.

"He. will. be. here." Kai said, though she was beginning to lose hope herself. "I need you to _breathe_ , Katara. There's still ten whole minutes before the ceremony starts."

Katara really did look stunning in her traditional gown, lined with fur and embellished with cold water pearls. She'd settled on a more natural look for makeup, something that anyone could have anticipated. Kai, on the other hand, had opted for eyeliner as sharp as a knife and a dark red lip.

"If he doesn't show up I need you to kill him, Kai. I cannot _believe_ Aang is late for his own wedding!"

Just as Kai was about to fully agree to the hit (the first one she'd ever have accepted), Toph held open the flaps to the tent, allowing Hakoda in. "He's here, come on!" She shouted.

A wave of relief washed over everyone in the room, Kai herself sighing heavily. She stood to her feet and smiled at Hakoda, he would take things from here.

The gaggle of women flooded into their assigned seats — Toph beside a boy named Kanto, Suki beside Sokka, and Kai beside Fire Lord Zuko.

Kai was out of breath by the time she finally made it to her seat. She pulled the freezing cold air into her lungs and dropped her dress back around her legs.

"Velvet?" Zuko asked as he draped his arm over her shoulder. She hated how bulky his formal attire was, it made it difficult to get as close as she wanted to him.

"Were you expecting silk in this weather? I'd freeze to death." Kai pulled her fur shaw tighter around her.

Zuko leaned down and kissed her temple, allowing her to feel his warm breath on her skin. "You know I wouldn't let that happen, my queen."

The ceremony was beautiful (albeit lengthy). With a guest count of over two hundred people from all over the globe, there wasn't a single dry eye in the village. It was led by a water shaman from the Western Water Fortress. Even more guests showed up for the reception, which was larger and more extravagant than anyone could have imagined. A temple had been erected just for the occasion and once the bridal tent burning was over, it was filled with food and music and alcohol galore. Katara and Hakoda joined in the father daughter dance before Aang took over. The first dance of the bride and groom. After that, everyone filed onto the dance floor.

Kai pulled Zuko by the arm with a drink in her other hand.

"Come on, baby, you know I don't dance." Zuko whined. Still, he trailed after her because it was what she wanted, and he'd do anything to keep her happy.

"Now that isn't true. You don't remember the night of our first kiss?" Kai said. She downed the last of her ale and handed it off to a waiter. "You left poor Jin high and dry on that dance floor."

Zuko smiled, spinning her so that he could watch her dress ride up against her legs. "I'm still convinced you only accepted that blind date with Jingi to get a rise out of me."

Kai was pulled against his chest, where she remained. She gazed up into his amber eyes and Zuko could see the spark ignite in hers.

"Wanna know a secret?" Kai asked, lowering her voice.

She still managed to take his breath away even after six years and countless fights. Zuko nodded. He felt her sharp nails graze against the nape of his neck as she brought his ear close to her lips.

"I always liked when you got a little testy." Kai heard a low growl in Zuko's chest. She kissed him on the cheek. "Dance with me and maybe I'll let you sneak me out early."

The two danced to their hearts' desires. Zuko had to admit that it was nice to have her body against his again, even if he was dressed up in what he had always considered a monkey suit. He enjoyed showing her off, having her hanging onto him in a room full of company. He liked people knowing that she was his — _only his_.

Kai fed him a cup of wine, giggling relentlessly as it spilled down his chin and she kissed up the mess. Her hands were resting on his chest and his gripping her waist with strength that slightly too much alcohol usually gave him.

"Let's get out of here, honey." Zuko whined as she lapped the last of the blood red wine from his lips, their eyes glassed over from a mixture of lust, love and inebriation. He leaned down close to her ear, breathing on her neck as he whispered, "Come on, let's sneak away like we used to. You remember that, baby?" Kai felt his lips brush her earlobe, it made her shiver. "—When we'd slip away from the gang and you'd let me fuck you wherever I wanted. I'd have to hold my hand over your mouth so they wouldn't—"

"Shhhhush!" Kai laughed as she pushed him away. Her cheeks were bright red.

Zuko held her by the hand and straightened up, pulling his robe closed just in case his stiffening erection was somehow visible beneath his layers of clothing. He pulled her out of the reception hall, outside of the building it was barren, the night wasn't getting any younger but the wedding guests would be enjoying themselves early into the morning hours.

He led her back to his own guesthouse. It wasn't much to shine a light on, though it was more than most people in the village ever knew. It reminded Zuko a lot of his bedroom in the west wing of the palace when he was a kid — an oversized room with a queen sized bed, a dresser, a fireplace that remained roaring, and a washroom. The burning log gave ample lighting to the room as he pushed the door open and slammed it behind him.

Zuko's lips were on Kai's before the door was even closed. She tasted like sweet wine and remnants of crisp ale. The latter brought him back to their days just after they'd been individually crowned. They'd been so busy back then that on the nights they actually got to spend time together, they tended to drink far too much and spend hours simply loving each other.

He loved her more now than he had then. Having watched her rule the Earth Kingdom as a fierce but compassionate leader for all these years forced Zuko to admire her as both a world power _and_ a partner.

Kai pushed him back onto the bed, gazing down at him like she hadn't in quite some time — predatory like. She looked almost serpentine in emerald velvet paired with her jade eyes.

"I brought something for you." She said as she slipped out of her heels.

Zuko's mouth felt suddenly dry. He watched as Kai untied her dress and peeled it off of her shoulders, allowing it to pool on the ground at her feet.

Zuko reached out and touched her waist, dragging his fingers across her hips to feel the thick lace that just barely covered her most intimate areas.

"Fucking... _spirits_ , Kai..." He whispered as he slid off the bed to his knees. He gazed up her body in awe. She was adorned in fiery red lace, strappy and erotic. It wasn't often that Kai had lingerie created in Zuko's favorite color, but it paired so beautifully with her olive skin. He kissed her hip, grazing his teeth over her stomach. "My queen..."

She smiled down at her lover, holding him by the cheek and forcing his eyes up to meet hers. It was quite the sight for Kai — seeing a king, dressed in all his royal robes, on his knees.

"I've missed you so much, Zuko." She said with pain lingering in her voice.

With that, Zuko rose to his feet, picking her up with his hands under her ass in the process. He tossed Kai onto the bed and her pained voice transformed into playful laughter that filled the room. Zuko grabbed her by the ankles, spreading her legs open as he pulled her to the edge of the bed.

He kissed her calves, raising her feet onto his shoulders. His fingers found her nipple and he rolled it around until it was stiff. She looked absolutely delicious, and Zuko was starving.

"I brought something for you, too." He said. Zuko reached into the bag he'd packed for the weekend and when he showed her the surprise, Kai's eyes lit up with excitement.

Black, silky, braided ropes. Zuko's eyes darkened as he motioned for her to turn over. She behaved ( _for once_ , he thought), and leaned over on her knees with her arms tucked behind her back. A few moments later, Zuko was staring down at such a beautiful picture. The rope was pressed into Kai's skin; around her wrists, waist, thighs, and back. He knew that it would leave such lovely marks once she was let loose. Zuko peeled off his clothes and kneeled behind her on his knees, running his fingers over her body and listening to her steady breathing. The only other sound that joined them was the crackling of the fireplace.

"You're so beautiful, Kai." He said as he leaned to kiss and trail up her spine. He'd pulled her braid loose and allowed it to flow over her back.

"Please — please take me." Kai whined.

Zuko stroked his cock, gliding it up and down her spread lips as he pulled the lace to the side. She was so _warm_.

"Whose are you?" He asked.

After waiting over a month for this moment, Zuko didn't pause for her to answer. He slid his length inside of her completely, burying his cock to the hilt and grunting as the feeling of being surrounded by her enveloped him. He grabbed the layers of ropes that held her arms behind her back and pushed Kai forward, then pulled her back onto his cock again.

"Yours, yours, yours..." She chanted through gasps and moans. Zuko pulled her toward him as he crashed into her mercilessly. Kai felt shockwaves pulse through her with every thrust.

"Mine." Zuko leaned down and kissed her shoulder, "All mine. Be mine, baby."

He pulled her up by the ropes so her back met his chest and turned her face toward his. He kissed her, taking her bottom lip between his teeth as he fucked her. Zuko drank up her moans, swallowing them whole. Kai was sleek with juices and every time his cock opened her up, her clit was brushed nicely, pushing her closer to the edge.

"So close, oh _god_." She panted.

Zuko pushed her back down and laid into her. His hips snapped against her ass with every thrust as he held her still against the bed.

"Let me fill you up, honey." He begged. Kai moaned in response. "Would you like that? You want me to cum inside you?"

Kai didn't think about the answer for even a second. She nodded her head against the mattress and the next time his cock hit the back of her cunt, profanities spilled past her lips as an endless wave of pleasure rolled over her. She writhed against his grip but it was no use, Zuko had a stronghold on her body. She felt warmth spilling inside of her as his grunts and moans matched hers. Zuko buried himself inside of her completely, losing all sense of time as he pumped his load into her.

Kai panted against the bed. Her mind was foggy and her entire body hurt. A few moments later she was left feeling completely empty as Zuko withdrew himself from her and then pulled the knots on her arms free. She rolled onto her back and he lay down beside.

"Remind me to never leave you for a month _ever_ again." She panted.

Zuko laughed, "I don't know, maybe we should spend more time apart if we get to reunite like that every now and then."

Kai pulled off the remainder of her restraints. She was tired and her wine buzz had settled into an annoying headache. She was ready to head back home tomorrow, where she could curl up against silk sheets with Zuko once again.

"Marry me, Kai." Zuko said abruptly.

She turned her head over her shoulder, "What are you talking about?"

He went searching through the piles of clothes on the floor until he found what he was looking for — the gold ring he'd been fidgeting with in his pocket for weeks.

"I'm not only saying that because I might've just gotten you pregnant. I'm serious." He held the ring out to her, a band decorated with both rubies and emeralds. Kai's eyes got wide as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Are you... please tell me this isn't a joke, Zuko. If this is a fucking joke —"

He kneeled in front of her once again, taking her left hand in his own. "Please. I know that you can't stand being tied down but I can't stand the thought of spending another month away from you. Please marry me, Kai. I love you, I'll always love you."

Kai stood and paced the room. She grabbed Zuko's robe and draped it over her shoulders, chewing on her bottom lip all the while.

"We can't tell anyone until the excitement over this wedding dies down." She speculated.

"Is that a yes?" Zuko asked.

She turned toward him — uncertainty lining her features. Zuko was right, Kai hated being tied down. But she remembered that never once had he tried to hold her back, never once had he tried to dull who she was. Zuko had only ever embraced both her light and dark.

She nodded wildly and in one swift move, Zuko swept her up in his arms. He kissed her hard, his lips smashing against hers as he fumbled to get the ring on her finger.

They would make love again that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this story for you all and for myself has been a dream. Thank you for reading.


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